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History (Education)

The Swedish resistance to feeding guests may not actually be as rude as it seems

A viral post about Swedish households excluding guests from meals created a flurry of debate over cultural norms.

The Swedish resistance to feeding guests may not actually be as rude as it seems
Photo by Gabriella Clare Marino on Unsplash, @SamQari/Twitter

Sweden's cultural norm of not feeding unexpected guests resulted in a flurry of debate over hospitality.

Growing up, I was taught that it was rude to slurp food at the dinner table. In most American households, if you ate a bowl of soup and audibly slurped the noodles out of your bowl, people would assume you never learned proper table manners.

As an adult, though, I lived in Japan for a year, where it is not only acceptable to slurp your noodles loudly around others, but it's actually considered good manners. Noodle slurping is an integral part of Japanese food culture, a norm that feels strange or even wrong to people from most other cultures.

This difference was the first thing that came to mind when I saw a flurry of debate recently about a Swedish cultural food norm that some people find downright appalling.

It all started with a viral Reddit post asking about the weirdest thing people have had to do in someone's home due to their culture or religion. One responder described being made to wait in a Swedish friend's bedroom while the friend had dinner with their family.

"While we were playing in his room, his mom yelled that dinner was ready. And check this. He told me to WAIT in his room while they ate," the person wrote.

Another comment followed describing a similar instance: "I slept over at a friend's house. When we woke up, he said he's going downstairs for a few minutes. After about 15 minutes I go on the stairs to see wtf is happening and they're eating breakfast. They see me and tell me he's almost done and will be up there soon."

Fast and furious responses followed, screenshots of the posts went viral on various social media platforms and the entire nation of Sweden took a beating as people berated their rude habits and lack of basic hospitality. The hashtag #Swedengate trended on Twitter for days as people shared all manner of negative impressions of (and in some cases, direct experiences from) Swedish culture.

I'm not here to defend Sweden wholesale, as I'm sure there are plenty of legitimate criticisms, as there are for every culture. However, when it comes to something like not feeding guests in your own home, it seems likely that there's some kind of explanation beyond "these people are just rude." Much like noodle slurping in Japan, one culture's rude can be another culture's polite.

As it turns out, there are a few explanations for it.

Part of Sweden's food culture is a combo of its long winters and culture of independence.

Professor Hakan Jonsson, a food studies professor at Lund University in Sweden, told The New York Times that some of the resistance to feeding guests stems from the days when food harvests had to be stored for many months during the long Nordic winter. Spontaneous dinners were traditionally not part of the culture, as families had to carefully plan and ration their food stores.

Independence is also a strong cultural value in Sweden, and rather than seen as generosity, feeding another person's child could be seen as a criticism of that family's ability to provide for their children.

“There has been a very strong urge of independence, to not rely on others’ good will for having a good and independent life,” Professor Jonsson told The Times.

(Hmm, now the entire IKEA model makes sense. Careful precision in design, but then, "Here, you're on your own to actually build it. Good luck.")

Others have shared similar explanations, saying that feeding someone else's child is in some ways considered rude, either because it's viewed as a judgment on the parents' ability to feed their children or as interfering with a family's own dinner.

"Swedes cook for the people they expect (family). Precise portions. We don't mind guests, just tell us in advance and we'll add one more. And in Sweden, it's understood, you don't eat at a friend's house unannounced. No big deal here," wrote one Twitter user.

Those explanations didn't stop people from cultures that place a high value on hospitality from criticizing the practice, of course. Not feeding a guest in your home is the peak of rudeness in certain cultures, so how could this practice be seen as OK in any way?

Part of Sweden's not-feeding-guests culture may be rooted in a history of shame for 'owing' people.

Another explanation shared on Twitter from an "amateur historian and sociologist" provides more historical context for the practice. It's a bit lengthy, but the gist is that this not-feeding norm isn't unique to Sweden, but common to Norse cultures in general and even somewhat common in Norman England and France. According to this explanation, it has to do with the historical "honor/shame economy" of Viking culture being a source of violent conflict.

"In Norse culture, hospitality (providing food, drink, lodging) was a duty of higher status individuals towards people of lower status, but the act of receiving hospitality created an obligation or debt on the part of the recipient," @WallySierk wrote. "So, hospitality not only brought honor to the giver, it had the potential to bring shame to the recipient. Norse culture, and as it progressed through the Middle Ages, was incredibly personally violent. People fought duels, violently extracted debts and squeezed renters."

"One of the challenges of the Protestant church in Scandinavia post-30 years war was to create a culture that tamped down on personal violence and civic unrest," they continued. "Since the root of a lot of the interpersonal violence was competition for status and extraction of payment, the Church, with the framing of early Protestant Humanists, began to promote the ideal of the free member of society, owing no one and owed nothing. If the culture could get rid of the interactions that caused friction, people could live more peaceful lives."

The thread explains that inequality and industrialization in the 1700s and early 1800s pushed Scandinavians to emigrate to America and other colonies, leading some people in power to manipulate debts, which created a lot of pain.

"When people were able to escape debt, they felt a lot better. So, for the sake of egalitarianism and reduction of conflict, they created a society that minimized the creation of debt and obligation, and maximized the ability of the individual/family to be self-sufficient. This 'not feeding the neighbor kids' weirdness Is about maintaining peace in the community."

From reading replies from Swedes, it appears this practice is common, but not necessarily universal. It also appears to be primarily about guests who are not planned for in advance, not a blanket "we don't do hospitality" norm. Still, it is a stark contrast to cultures in which offering food to any guest in your home is simply par for the course. The idea that you would not only not offer, but actively not serve a guest food is a complete anathema in many countries and cultures around the world.

But when you dig into the roots of why those norms exist, it's not quite as blatantly rude as it seems. Cultural norms rooted in historical struggle take a long time to change, even when those struggles are no longer front and center.

All I'm saying is let's give the Swedes a teensy bit of grace on the food front. They may come across as stingy to many of us, but in the context of their own history, it makes some sense. Plus those IKEA Swedish meatballs are hard to beat.


This article originally appeared on 6.3.22

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Pets

The most inspiring pet stories of 2024

Leading pet brand Nulo knows every cat and dog has the power to be incredible.

via Keswick Mountain Rescue Team/Instagram, Cat Protection/Youtube

Incredible pets deserve incredible food.

2024 was a year filled with heartwarming stories that reminded us of the incredible bond between humans and their furry companions. From acts of bravery to heartwarming gestures, these pets made a huge impact on the lives of their owners… and the lives of many, many more.

It’s stories like these that continue to inspire leading pet nutrition brand Nulo, which is committed to helping pets live their best lives with functional, delicious and nutritious food. Through their innovative and intentional formulas, Nulo fuels incredible cats and dogs just like the ones below each and every day.

Enjoy some stories below of 2024’s goodest boys and girls — courageous dogs, trauma-informed kitties and much, much more —that really show the unwavering love and loyalty animals bring into our lives. Their inspiring actions fuel incredible.

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When a 71-year-old man went unconscious and collapsed during a steep hike, his golden retriever and a black labrador instinctively broke up into a rescue team — the smart and resourceful labrador going off to look for help, and the loyal goldie staying by its owner's side. Sometimes it’s smart to have two of “man’s best friends.”

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Marley, a seven-year-old, black and white feline known for his "incredible gift of empathy” won Cat Protection's National Cat of the Year 2024 for the way he comforts women who have been enslaved, exploited and trafficked and staying at the Caritas Bakhita Safe House in London. He’s known to often leave a reassuring paw on guests’ legs to “let them know they’re not alone,” a gesture often called “the first kindness they’ve experienced in years.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In early 2024, Kobe, a four-year-old husky with an extraordinary sense of smell, began digging obsessively in the yard. At first the pooch’s owner, Chanell Bell, thought this was just typical behavior, but soon discovered that Kobe had indeed detected a dangerously large cloud of natural gas that would have not only been seriously life-threatening to her, but the entire neighborhood. It’s like they say, “the nose knows.”

Eight-year-old golden retriever Roger, may have failed his drug-sniffing training in Taiwan, but it turns out he has a knack for rescue operations during natural disasters. After a 7.4-magnitude earthquake struck, Roger dug through the rubble of a collapsed building to locate the body of one of the 13 people killed in the quake, offering closure to a grieving family. This earned him the nickname of “the pride of Taiwan” on social media.

Dogs don’t only save humans — sometimes they rescue other animals as well.

When folks scrolling through the X account called “Animals Dying” saw a video of a creature swimming through murky water with a deer fawn in its jaws, they probably assumed it was an alligator enjoying its latest meal. But to everyone’s surprise and delight, it was actually a Labrador Retriever making sure the sweet little fawn didn’t drown.

Once a stray, 12-year-old Cilla found her home at Outwoods Primary School in Warwickshire, England, where she calms anxious students, inspires a community of cat lovers on X, and has even used her social media celebrity to help raise £5,000 to restock the school library — a place she loves to lounge in.

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In July, Bloodhound puppy and K-9 unit member Remi used his powerful nose to help an autistic and non-verbal boy who had gotten lost find his way back home. Deputy B. Belk, Remi’s partner, used a piece of sterile gauze to collect the scent from the boy’s forearms and the back of his neck and had Remi “reverse” track backwards for about half a mile to locate the child’s home in a nearby neighborhood.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

When a beautiful pooch named Gita saw her 84-year-old owner fall and hurt his leg, she ran down to the main road, and refused to move until someone stopped to help. Eventually she was seen by a man named Deputy Wright, who tried to get Gita into his patrol car, but the dog wouldn’t budge. When Gita did finally bolt off, Wright followed her down to where the man had been stranded, and was able to help him. Without her protection, who knows if the man would have been found in time? “The loyalty and heroism of our furry friends never cease to amaze us,” Wright would end up writing on Facebook.

If there’s an incredible furry friend in your own life, nothing says “thank you” quite like a nourishing meal. Check out Nulo for a variety of recipes sure to be loved by your beloved pet.

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Pop Culture

An OnlyFans star had sex with 101 men in a single day and shared how it affected her mental health

This is why more young people are saying "No Thanks" to casual hookups.

lillyphillipstokk/TikTok & Josh Pieters/YouTube

In the absence of proper sex education in many parts of the country, more and more people are turning to online pornography to learn how things work. In that case, people will be very interested to hear about the curious case of Lily Phillips. The 23-year-old OnlyFans star recently took on an ambitious, if a little gross, challenge: She was going to sleep with 100 men in just 24 hours.

Lily spent months "training" for the stunt, and on the big day, invited a documentary filmmaker along to record what was sure to be a wild journey. The guys were recruited through Lily's large fanbase and flew in to meet her from all over the world. During the stunt, they would take turns coming into the room where they would make small talk, hang their clothes up, and have about 2-3 minutes each with Lily.

One guy brought a single rose.

The most interesting part of filmmaker Josh Pieter's documentary, however, is the aftermath. Immediately afterwards, Lily told the film crew she was feeling physically fine. But anyone watching can clearly see that she is physically and, more importantly, emotionally exhausted.

"It's not for the weak girls, if I'm honest. It was hard, I don't know if I'd recommend it." She then gets emotional trying to describe the intensity of the experiment and has to walk off camera to collect herself.


Lily Phillips crying and collecting herself while being interviewed by documentary crewJosh Pieters/YouTube

Lily eventually opened up and said the thing that got to her was the awkwardness of some of the interactions, how uncomfortable it was at times and feeling pressure to show the guys "a good time," worrying that some of them didn't like her or were disappointed in the experience, or in her. Some of the men guilted her for not spending more time with them or not fulfilling certain expectations they had going in.

I know, I know. It's hard to feel too bad for her knowing she came up with this idea on her own to grow her business and willingly participated. But hearing her reflect on the aftermath is a surprisingly human and affecting moment. Most non-adult stars will, obviously, never attempt such a stunt. But the emotions Lily was feeling at the end of the day still seem awfully relatable to us regular human-beings.

Even the documentary director was surprised by Lily's reaction. "I certainly didn't expect to see Lily so upset at the end of it all," Josh Pieters said. "I thought perhaps in years to come she might look back on this day in sadness, but not so instantly afterwards."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Casual sex has its upsides for some people, but it's emotionally fraught for all parties and has been linked to negative mental health outcomes.

It might be a stretch to call an OnlyFans content stunt "casual sex," but there's a lot we can learn by the end of Lily and Josh's documentary. VerywellMind writes that casual hookups can damage your health in many different ways. There's a risk of disappointment, regret, damaged self-esteem, depression, embarrassment, and more.

Even a so-called professional can't escape some of these emotions! So us normies have to be really careful. It's not that hookups are inherently bad, but a lot of people jump into them without setting expectations, communicating well, and properly thinking through how they're going to feel at the end.

This is a big reason younger generations like Gen Z have been moving away from the casual dating and hooking up culture previous generations were big on.

Global Dating Insights writes that young people report "feeling burnt out, anxious, and disconnected after engaging in short-term flings or casual hookups" and are more likely to seek platonic or long-term romantic relationships — though there are other factors involved in this shift, as well.

A 28-year-old woman told the LA Times, "“[Not having sex] helps me relax,” she said. “It’s not that I don’t care about how I look or how I come off to other people. But I have a little extra help caring less about it, because I don’t have to worry about attracting specific kinds of people for specific things.”

A 21-year-old wrote in to Men's Health curious why everyone he met seemed to only want a romantic relationship or be "demisexual," which means they only feel attraction to someone after forming a strong emotional connection.

It's fascinating to see the pendulum start to swing in the opposite direction as become more aware of some of the mental-health downsides to a practice that has been commonplace for decades.

At the end of the day, feelings aside, the stunt was a huge success for Lily in terms of exposure and content. So much so that she quickly announced a new plan to break the world record for sexual partners in a 24 hour span by trying to reach 1,000 — the current record, for anyone wondering, is 919 set in 2004.

Good luck, we think?

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Family

New evidence shows that playing video games has an unexpected effect on kids' IQ

Parents are going to have to rethink things a bit.

via Canva/Photos

Three children enjoying video games.

Since Pong first became a massive hit in the early ‘70s, parents have warned their kids that playing video games will rot their brains. How it not? Most gaming involves kids sitting alone in their homes, mashing buttons and a single game could go on for hours. There’s a good reason why parents should be concerned about the amount of time their kids spend staring at screens, but does gaming have an upside?

A 2022 report from the Karolinska Institute in Sweden has found that playing video games actually increases a child’s IQ. "Our results support the claim that screen time generally doesn't impair children's cognitive abilities, and that playing video games can actually help boost intelligence," neuroscientist Torkel Klingberg from the Karolinska Institute in Sweden said in 2022.

To reach this conclusion, the researchers looked at nearly 10,000 kids between the ages of 9 and 10 who, on average, spent 2.5 hours a day watching TV or online videos, 1 hour playing video games and 30 minutes socializing online with friends or family. Two years later, they compared data on 5,000 of these kids and found that those who spent more time than the norm playing video games had an IQ increase 2.5 points above the average rise.

The IQ point increase was based on their performance in tasks involving self-control, flexible thinking, memory, reading comprehension and visual-spatial processing.



“We didn’t examine the effects of screen behaviour on physical activity, sleep, well-being, or school performance, so we can’t say anything about that,” says Torkel Klingberg, professor of cognitive neuroscience at the Department of Neuroscience, Karolinska Institutet.

The researchers also note that there was no increase in IQ points for those who watched more TV or spent more time on social media than the norm.

Are video games bad for kids?

Kids who run to share this story with their parents should be careful because IQ is just one factor affected by playing video games. "We didn't examine the effects of screen behavior on physical activity, sleep, well-being, or school performance, so we can't say anything about that," said Klingberg. "We'll now be studying the effects of other environmental factors and how the cognitive effects relate to childhood brain development."



The study is a shot in the arm for those who believe video games are good for kids and those who like to play them. However, we know that video games can cause serious problems if played excessively. Studies show that gaming is associated with obesity because when you sit in front of a screen all day, you don’t have much time for exercise. Excessive gaming has also been associated with depression, anxiety, aggression, sleep deprivation, insomnia and circadian rhythm disorders.

Video game addiction has also become a serious problem and may affect over 60 million people worldwide. Parents should be wary of signs of video game addiction in their children, which include a loss of interest in other hobbies, withdrawal symptoms when they're not gaming, and aggression.

As with anything, the key to getting maximum benefits from gaming is to make the activity part of a balanced lifestyle that includes plenty of physical activity, socializing with friends, lots of sleep, good nutrition and a fair amount of reading time. The Child Mind Institute says kids over 6 should spend at most 1 hour a day playing video games on school days and 2 on the weekends. Kids under 6 shouldn't exceed 30 minutes a day playing video games.

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Joy

The 17 harsh truths about aging that people were never 'prepared' for

"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down."

via Kindel Media/Pexels

A woman contemplating aging

Many of us feel invincible when we are young, believing we can control the aging process so that we’ll always stay forever young, as Bob Dylan once sang. But there’s a moment when everyone realizes aging is an inevitable process and that, eventually, we will have to deal with a slow decline in our physical and, quite possibly, mental capabilities.

This realization and understanding that we won’t be here forever can profoundly change one’s perspective on life. Even though aging is inevitable, studies show how we think about the process can significantly impact our longevity. People with a positive view of aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those without.

Things happen as we age that are impossible to describe to younger people. However, a group of Redditors did an excellent job of explaining the truths about aging that they were not “prepared” for in a recent thread that made a lot of people feel seen. A user named sofiagympixie asked the AskReddit forum, “What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?” and it received over 2,700 responses.

A big takeaway is that many people feel like they stop mentally aging at a certain point, usually in their late 20s. Still, the continued physical aging they experience makes them feel like they cannot relate to the person in the mirror.



Here are 17 of the most profound responses to the question: What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?

1. There is an end

"You start to realize the older you get that the end is closer than the beginning and you still feel like you have so much more to do."

"That moment where you start to get a sense that there is an end."

2. It takes energy to keep everything afloat

"No one prepared me for how much energy and time it takes to maintain everything—like health, relationships, and just staying organized. It’s way more work than I expected!"

3. Mind/body detachment

"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down. You still feel like the same person you’ve always been, but suddenly you notice little things changing."

"This was such a surprise to me. I really expected to feel psychologically older as I aged. But physically, oh my body has betrayed me... Eyes... hair (gray, but at least I still have it)... back... knees... hips... prostate."



4. The past feels closer than it is

"When you get a flashback of a good memory and you realize that was over 10 years ago."

"When I told my daughter about something I did 24 years ago, I had to pause for a moment."

Time flies isn't just a saying. Psychologists agree that our minds lump time together based on novel experiences. When we are older, the days are a lot more similar than when we were young children. That's why when you're 80, time moves a lot faster than it did when you were 8.

5. Stuck in the wrong time

"I’m 61, and sometimes I feel like this world is not for me anymore. I feel almost like an imposter. For example, I can’t find clothes I like that fit correctly, TV is abhorrent, only old music sounds pleasant, shoes are uncomfortable, I don’t recognize most celebrities or famous people in the news or tabloids, and I don’t understand the need for most new and supposedly exciting products. I’m an educated person, I still work and have an active life. I’m not a recluse. But a little at a time, I feel the world is moving on without me. I finally understand why, in her final years, my mother only watched movies from the 1950s and reminisced about the past more than she talked about the present. Her world was long gone."



6. You lose friends

"If you choose not to have kids, you may end up losing your friends. I turn 40 this year, and my partner and I don't see many folks these days. Parents like to hang out with other parents. And I don't have a grudge, I totally see the value for playdates, etc. But it can be a little lonely."

"To be fair, I have 2 kids and lost a lot of friends because we simply don’t have the time/energy to connect regularly enough to maintain a healthy friendship. It instead falls into an awkward acquaintance stage where enough time passes between communication, and you’re not sure if reaching out to connect comes across weird."

7. Your parents are aging, too

"It's not just you who is getting old. Your parents are getting even older."

"I feel this. Lost my mom 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. 40 now with 2 kids. I get angry/sad at a lot of milestones like my wedding and kids' stuff ‘cause my mom was robbed of them, and I was robbed of her."

8. Time wasted caring about other people's opinions

"It’s so freeing when that old twinge of 'why don’t they like me' pops up, and then I remember that I can not be bothered by that anymore, and magically, I don’t care!"

"Just wasting time in general. No thanks. I want to do as many things as possible!"



9. Your friends die

"Your friends start to die. It's something I never thought about."

10. Time flies

"Man. I don’t even feel like the days are long anymore. I just keep blinking and the weeks go by."

"Yup, wake up, eat breakfast, do a couple things. Wait, it’s lunch already? Eat lunch, do a couple more things, time to prep dinner. Eat dinner, clean up, fix a few things, it’s 9 pm. I guess it’s almost time to get ready for bed? This times 10,000 for me."

11. The monotony sets in

"You will realize that you hate planning meals and making food every single day. It's boring, and it's too easy to fall into monotony. But you have to make lunch again and then plan for dinner again then make dinner again and what do you want to eat tomorrow so you plan for breakfast tomorrow and get up and make breakfast again and then plan for lunch again...."

12. You become invisible to much of society

"I wondered what felt off the last year. Gen Z is everywhere now, and I'm still asking myself when that happened."



13. Adults aren't real

"When you're a kid, you can't wait to 'grow up,' and then you do, and you're still you, just older. That voice inside your head doesn't change, but what you see in the mirror does. Only now you're just older and saddled with bills and stress and all of life's 'surprises.' On top of this, everyone is winging it. Absolutely everyone. Because the idea of order and a civilized society is an illusion. We're all playing by made up rules and making imaginary money and all the rest of it. A one-dollar bill costs just as much to print as a hundred-dollar bill."

14. Priorities change

"Things that seemed so important when you were younger, really are not important."

15. Younger people's reverence

"I'm middle-aged, and a funny thing is how younger people get self-conscious or apologize when there is no need. For example, they will apologize for swearing around me or mentioning something like (gasp) drinking, or drugs, or sleeping around. I think it's funny. Why would being on earth longer make me easier to scandalize? I've seen and done things that would shock them, lol, but to them I'm a very proper-looking classy older lady."

16. Ageism

"Doors start closing once you reach a certain age."

"Ageism is real. I just turned 50 and am in a young person's career (software development). I feel how hiring managers look at me when asked to turn my camera on, during an interview that was going very well and suddenly it's 'we'll get back to you.'"

17. It all catches up

"Things like drinking, eating unhealthily, smoking, spending ... they will catch up. When you're young you think you're different, or you think that when it does catch up you'll be old so who cares, I won't care when I'm old anyway. You will care, though. You'll still be you. Those things won't seem like an issue right up to the moment they are. And then it's too late to take them back."

This article originally appeared in September.
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Husband's calm demeanor while encouraging his kids to give his wife 'space' delights fellow parents

Every Dad should try this.

Photo representation by Fortune Vieyra on Unsplash | Jeffery Erhunse on Unsplash

A calm husband is winning praise for giving wife space when raising their children

Parenting is a 24/7 job. However, Kier Gaines, a licensed therapist, husband and father of two little girls, is encouraging parents to take time and space alone to preserve their mental health. In a new video he shared on TikTok titled "Saving Your Partner's Mental Health", Gaines demonstrates the importance of parents creating space at home for not just themselves, but more importantly their partners.

He shows how it can be done by setting boundaries with their children when it comes to being constantly available to them--supporting his wife to take rest rather than busying herself with house work while affirming to his children that giving mommy space is a positive thing.

@kiergaines

From Daddy, with Love 🖤

"Give mommy some space, okay?" he says in the video as he is starting to cook in the kitchen. One of his daughters responds, "Okay. I just wanted to ask her a question."

In an understanding voice, he replies, "I know. Let's give her a little privacy. Let's give her a moment. You know how sometimes you go up in your room and you don't want to be bothered and we give you your space? I think everybody in the house needs that sometimes, what [do] you think?"

Gaines continues filming himself doing some kitchen organizing, pouring cereal boxes into storage containers before moving to the refrigerator to unload some drinks.

"Sydney, you wanna come help me?" he asks his daughter Sydney, before she replies, "No!" He quips, "True!"

man in long sleeve shirt standing beside girl in pink tank top washing hands Photo by CDC on Unsplash

Sydney then adds, "I am very busy right now!" Rather than get upset, Gaines sighs and says, "The fridge needs to be reorganized, but it ain't happening tonight! I'll tell you that."

His wife is heard off-camera chiming in, "I'll do it." But Gaines is having none of it. "Babe, rest your bones," he tells her. She replies, "Yeah, you're right," before Gaines adds in, "You've got enough going on," just..."motioning with his hands for her to step back and take a load off.

"You know I like to be busy," she responds, but Gaines reassures her that all is well as he continues to prepare a meal. "Yeah, you don't have to be busy when you don't have to. Go upstairs, get away from the kids."

The video ends on a funny note: as Gaines tries to open something with a knife, he drops it and it almost stabs his foot.

"Not today, Satan! Not today," he laughs.

Gaines' kind and gentle communication style sent his TikTok followers straight to the comment section to heap praise on him for being an amazing parent and spouse.

"The fact that you said, 'everybody needs space sometimes' instead of throwing mom under the bus with 'mommy needs time away or mommy needs a break' made my heart explode. What an awesome dad 😊," one TikToker wrote. Another added, "Father is fathering, partner is partnering... that's how family life should be ❤️."

Gaines was also commended for his soft tone. "The calm demeanor, the way you give explanations, ask questions, keep it kind. It made me cry. Dads don’t act like this as often as they should." And another declared, "the communication, the tone, and body language showing no anger, this is what every child deserves from their father and mother! i applaud you!❤️"

With nearly 28 million views on his video, Gaines deserves all the kudos.

Joy

They watched their wedding cake crash to the ground. The groom's reaction was perfect.

Oh, she married a good one.

Carsten Vollrath/Canva

Imagine watching your four-tier wedding cake hitting the ground before you even get a bite.

It's quite common for people to fantasize about their wedding day—the ceremony, the bridal party, the dress, the cake—and some people spend months or even years meticulously planning every detail. People even spend thousands of dollars hiring wedding planners to make sure that the big day stays fully organized and all the moving parts come together without a hitch.

But no matter how well you plan, sometimes things that simply can't be predicted happen. And how you and your beloved handle the hitches and glitches on your wedding day can say a lot.

Especially when that hitch or glitch is something major…like watching the beautiful, four-tier wedding cake—the one you spent time choosing and lots of money creating to share with your wedding guests—come crashing to the ground right in front of you.

That's what happened to one couple who eagerly watched as the caterers who were carrying their wedding cake tripped on their way into the room, sending their cake to an untimely demise in spectacular fashion.

The video, shared by @the.sarik on Instagram, is only about 10 seconds long, but it tells a whole beautiful love story in the reactions of both the groom and the bride.

Watch:

First of all, hope those waiters are OK. But secondly, staying calm and making the most of a bad situation is a huge character plus, and this groom clearly has those qualities in spades. You can see in the bride's face that she knows it, too.

"Her eyes show that she knows she got the right guy," wrote one commenter.

"The way he just called her to eat is just phenomenal," shared another.

"'Cake is still cake.' Yelling at those waiters won't solve anything, but it can ruin their whole lives," wrote another. "They know their mistake, and they can be corrected privately. May the reaction of this man be an inspiration to us all, to care for the feelings of other people more than material things."

"Of all the things that could ruin a wedding day, I'm glad the husband knew this didn't have to be one of them," shared another.

When unpredictable things do happen, it's largely the reaction of the people involved that determines whether they become tragic tales or entertaining stories. If what we saw in the video is any indicator, this couple will be telling their grandkids someday about how the guys carrying their wedding cake tripped and ruined it, and how Grandpa's response won Grandma's heart all over again.


This article originally appeared last year.

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