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A PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM UPWORTHY
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'Sorry if I was a little insistent,' he said later — after forcing her and changing her life forever.

TRIGGER WARNING: This short but powerful essay by Robyn Swirling on rape may be upsetting for sexual assault survivors. Proceed as you see fit.

"Memories Outside the Mind," by Robyn Swirling

I don't quite know what happened. I mean, I know. I just don't remember everything.

I remember "just go down on me, just for a minute, it'll help me sleep," and his hands entangled in my hair as he pushed my head toward him. I remember my back against the full-length mirror, the frame digging into my shoulder blade, the pressure of his forearm across my chest as his fingers dug into me. I remember saying no as forcefully as I could, as often as I could, but as quietly as I could because he warned me not to wake his roommate andthat somehow seemed more important in that moment than the fact that what the roommate would have heard was me begging him to get out from inside me. I remember laying in bed back in my room with tears streaming silently down my face, anxious not to wake my own roommate for fear that I'd have to tell her what had just happened, though the word "rape" was still days away from reaching my lips.

But I don't remember if it was a Thursday or a Monday. I don't remember the date — I think it was late September, but it might have been early October. I don't remember exactly how many days I laid in my dorm room bed, my eyes shut tight against light and friends and classes and obligations. Once I told my roommate and close friends, I don't remember how many days — weeks? — it was before they convinced me to leave my room for the first time for a party, only for me to see him there and panic, locking myself in the bathroom of some Coral Gables group house.

His IM to me lives as a permanent screenshot in my brain: "I'm sorry if I was a little insistent the other night."

I don't remember how many of my parents' calls I screened, as they became increasingly dissatisfied with leaving voicemails. But when I finally called my dad back, hiding from the aftermath of a hurricane in the backseat of my friend's Ford Explorer, I very clearly remember breaking down at his "what's wrong?" I will never forget my mom's first words when I answered her call 15 minutes later. "Why did I have to hear this from your father?"

I remember and I don't remember. Trauma has no respect for memory. It picks and chooses, often seemingly randomly, what words, sensations, details stick with you. Sometimes I smell his cologne on a stranger and have to stop walking for a minute or two to keep myself together. When we'd only been dating for a few weeks, I curled up on the basement floor tonervously warn my boyfriend that he could never ever push me up against a wall while we made out, no matter how hot it might seem, because I had a panic attack the last time a guy did that since the first time a guy did that.

Memory isn't only in the mind. As the book my therapist had me read tells us, the body remembers. The trauma lives in that entire reproductive region of my torso, where what I just refer to as Hurting jumps up to stab me from the inside, incapacitating me for seconds or hours at a time. After eight years of this, a pain specialist finally told me my Hurting is from muscle spasms, from holding everything so tight, from my whole body flinching internally. There is no medical explanation that exam after exam and scan after scan could find. The doctors' explanations are that the trauma did this. That he did this. The body remembers.

I don't owe you any of these details. I have come to know that you won't believe me unless I give you all of these details. And even then you probably won't, if we're being honest. Always one disclosed detail away from belief.

It is an unimaginable yet all too often manifested cruelty to disbelieve someone who tells you they were raped simply because they cannot recall every detail in perfect clarity. Maybe Jackie got it wrong that the guy was a member of that fraternity. Maybe I don't remember which week it happened. Maybe your sister doesn't remember if there were 5 assailants or 6. Maybe your friend doesn't remember how she got home.

Every bit of me remembers every bit of what happened to me. Sometimes we just don't remember the details.

Science

Researchers dumped tons of coffee waste into a forest. This is what it looks like now.

30 dump truck loads and two years later, the forest looks totally different.

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One of the biggest problems with coffee production is that it generates an incredible amount of waste. Once coffee beans are separated from cherries, about 45% of the entire biomass is discarded.

So for every pound of roasted coffee we enjoy, an equivalent amount of coffee pulp is discarded into massive landfills across the globe. That means that approximately 10 million tons of coffee pulp is discarded into the environment every year.


When disposed of improperly, the waste can cause serious damage soil and water sources.

However, a new study published in the British Ecological Society journal Ecological Solutions and Evidence has found that coffee pulp isn't just a nuisance to be discarded. It can have an incredibly positive impact on regrowing deforested areas of the planet.

via British Ecological Society

In 2018, researchers from ETH-Zurich and the University of Hawaii spread 30 dump trucks worth of coffee pulp over a roughly 100' x 130' area of degraded land in Costa Rica. The experiment took place on a former coffee farm that underwent rapid deforestation in the 1950s.

The coffee pulp was spread three-feet thick over the entire area.

Another plot of land near the coffee pulp dump was left alone to act as a control for the experiment.

"The results were dramatic." Dr. Rebecca Cole, lead author of the study, said. "The area treated with a thick layer of coffee pulp turned into a small forest in only two years while the control plot remained dominated by non-native pasture grasses."

In just two years, the area treated with coffee pulp had an 80% canopy cover, compared to just 20% of the control area. So, the coffee-pulp-treated area grew four times more rapidly. Like a jolt of caffeine, it reinvigorated biological activity in the area.

The canopy was also four times taller than that of the control.

Before and after images of the forest

The forest experienced a radical, positive change

via British Ecological Society

The coffee-treated area also eliminated an invasive species of grass that took over the land and prevented forest succession. Its elimination allowed for other native species to take over and recolonize the area.

"This case study suggests that agricultural by-products can be used to speed up forest recovery on degraded tropical lands. In situations where processing these by-products incurs a cost to agricultural industries, using them for restoration to meet global reforestation objectives can represent a 'win-win' scenario," Dr. Cole said.

If the results are repeatable it's a win-win for coffee drinkers and the environment.

Researchers believe that coffee treatments can be a cost-effective way to reforest degraded land. They may also work to reverse the effects of climate change by supporting the growth of forests across the globe.

The 2016 Paris Agreement made reforestation an important part of the fight against climate change. The agreement incentivizes developing countries to reduce deforestation and forest degradation, promote forest conservation and sustainable management, and enhance forest carbon stocks in developing countries.

"We hope our study is a jumping off point for other researchers and industries to take a look at how they might make their production more efficient by creating links to the global restoration movement," Dr. Cole said.


This article originally appeared on 03.29.21

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Family

Daughter fulfills mom's dying wish of helping her pick the perfect wedding dress

They even made up a fiancé to make it happen.

Photo credit: Canva

Sometimes our happiest memories have a dash of sadness to them.

It was Amy Astrauskas’ dying wish was to see her daughter Emily Elizabeth Creighton in a wedding dress.

Though Creighton had no wedding plans on the horizon, she was able to help that dream come true for her mom—and managed to capture the touching moment on camera.

In a video posted to her Instagram, Creighton explained that her mom actually called a nearby bridal and lied, saying her daughter was getting married, which Creighton joked was “such a savage move.”

As they sipped champagne and answered “a million questions” about this made-up fiancé, Creighton tried on dress after dress, each more gorgeous than the last. The joy felt in the clip is palpable, to say the least.

Finally, they did indeed find the one. And it’s on hold for when and if Creighton decides to tie the knot.

“Honestly one of the funniest and saddest moments of my life,” she said “But now, even though she’s gone, I get to say she helped me to pick out my wedding dress.”

People were, understandably, moved by the entire thing.

“What a beautiful story! I’m sure it was one of the best days of her life ❤️❤️,” one person wrote.

Another added, “Wow that’s beautiful and sad and just sums up life. ❤️”

A few even shared their own similar stories.

“I was a bridal consultant and this happened. But I knew it was her dying wish, and we did a whole bridal photo session. She ended up buying it and got married a couple of years later in that dress. One of my proudest moments as a consultant.,” one person commented.

“Me and my sweet Mumma did the same when she was dying. It’s one of my most precious memories. I have a video of her saying ‘we said yes to the dress!’ No dress was purchased 😂 I am so sorry for your loss but so happy you also shared this beautiful memory with your darling mum 🥰” wrote another.

In an interview with Today, Creighton shared that even though her mom (who died of breast cancer on March 2021 at age 63) will no longer be around to actually see the wedding, it will have all the other details she had previously conjured up. All except one tiny thing.

“The only thing that has changed is, my mom thought the person at the end of the aisle would be a man!” Creighton quipped, since she came out as gay in 2022. Still, she knows her mom would have been “totally fine with it.”

“All my mom ever wanted was for me to be happy."

What a beautiful reminder to truly savor whatever time we have on this Earth with the people who matter the most.

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Family

Naming twins is an art. Here are some twin names people say are the best they've ever heard.

With twins, all the regular pressures of having a baby are doubled, including choosing a name.

Photo credit: Canva

Are you in favor of rhyming twin names? Or is it too cutesy?

Having twins means double the fun, and double the pressure. It’s a fairly known rule to name twins in a way that honors their unique bond, but that can lead to overly cutesy pairings that feel more appropriate for nursery rhyme characters than actual people. Plus, it’s equally important for the names to acknowledge each twin’s individuality. Again, these are people—not a matching set of dolls. Finding the twin baby name balance is easier said than done, for sure.

Luckily, there are several ways to do this. Names can be linked by style, sound or meaning, according to the baby name website Nameberry. For example, two names that share a classic style would be Elizabeth and Edward, whereas Ione and Lionel share a similar rhythm. And Frederica and Milo seem to share nothing in common, but both mean “peaceful.”

Over on the /NameNerds subreddit, one person asked folks to share their favorite twin name pairings, and the answers did not disappoint.

One person wrote “Honestly, for me it’s hard to beat the Rugrats combo of Phillip and Lillian (Phil and Lil) 💕”

A few parents who gave their twin’s names that didn’t inherently rhyme until nicknames got involved:

"It's the perfect way! Christmas cards can be signed cutely with matching names, but when they act out you can still use their full name without getting tripped up.😂"

"The parents of a good friend of mine did this: her name is Allison and her sister is Callie. Their names don’t match on the surface, but they were Alli and Callie at home."

“Alice and Celia, because they’re anagrams! Sound super different but have a not-so-obvious implicit connection.”

This incited an avalanche of other anagram ideas: Aidan and Nadia, Lucas and Claus, Liam and Mila, Noel and Leon, Ira and Ria, Amy and May, Ira and Ari, Cole and Cleo…even Alice, Celia, and Lacie for triplets.

Others remembered name pairs that managed to sound lovely together without going into cutesy territory.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesThese matching bunny ears though. Photo credit: Canva

“I know twin toddler boys named Charlie and Archie and they go so well together,” one person commented.

Another wrote, “Tamia and Aziza. I love how they follow the same sound pattern with the syllable endings (-uh, -ee, -uh) without being obnoxiously matchy matchy.”

Still another said, “Lucy and Logan, fraternal girl/boy twins. I think the names sound so nice together, and definitely have the same 'vibe' and even though they have the same first letter they aren't too matchy-matchy.”

Other honorable mentions included: Colton and Calista, Caitlin and Carson, Amaya and Ameera, Alora and Luella, River and Rosie, and Eleanor and Elias.

One person cast a vote for shared style names, saying, “If I had twins, I would honestly just pick two different names that I like separately. I tend to like classic names, so I’d probably pick Daniel and Benjamin for boys. For girls my two favorites right now are Valerie and Tessa. I think Val and Tess would be cute together!”

Overall though, it seems that most folks were fans of names that focused on shared meaning over shared sound. Even better if there’s a literary or movie reference thrown in there.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesMany adult twins regret that their names are so closely linked together. Photo credit: Canva

“My mom works in insurance, so I asked her. She’s seen a lot of unique ones, but the only twins she remembers are Gwenivere [sic] and Lancelot... bonus points... little brother was Merlin,” one person recalled.

Another shared, “If I had twin girls, I would name them Ada and Hedy for Ada Lovelace and Hedy Lamarr, both very early computer/tech pioneers. Not that I’m that into tech, I just thought it was a brilliant combination.”

Other great ones: Susan and Sharon (think the original “Parent Trap”), Clementine and Cara (types of oranges), Esme and Etienne (French descent), Luna and Stella (moon and stars), Dawn and Eve, plus various plant pairings like Lily and Fern, Heather and Holly, and Juniper and Laurel.

Perhaps the cleverest name pairing goes to “Aubrey and Zoe,” since…wait for it… “they’re A to Z.”

It’s easy to see how naming twins really is a cool opportunity for parents to get creative and intentional with their baby naming. It might be a challenge, sure, but the potential reward is having the most iconic set of twins ever. Totally worth it!

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Pop Culture

Man depicts what it's like to road trip with an Xennial. There are no lies detected.

His song choices make for an epic playlist.

Photo credit: Canva

Man shows what it's like to road trip with an Xennial. It's epic.

Being an Xennial is like being everywhere and nowhere at the same time. This group of people are too young to be Gen X but feel too old to be millennials. They're designated as a microgeneration, though they're constantly lumped in with millennials, hence how they got the name "Xennial." But it's this distinct characteristic that has resulted in Xennials having the some of the most eclectic music tastes out there.

Nick Harrison posted a video on social media showing what it's like to road trip with an Xennial and it's an entire vibe. The man starts the video in the car off strong jamming to "September" by Earth, Wind & Fire. The music quickly changes to "The Next Episode" by Dr. Dre causing Harrison to switch up his dance moves.

It's a cornucopia of songs that make up multiple generations of popular music and as an Xennial, he's grooving to them all, calling himself "polyjamorous." He's not alone either. The comments are full of people that knew every word, agreeing that road tripping with an Xennial is a unique experience that includes lots of seat dancing and fun.


@mrprofessor318 All over the place #genx #millennial #xennial #polyjamorous #WeRockTogether @DJ EmJaybeats ♬ original sound - DJ EmJaybeats

"YESSS!!! I also love Doja Cat and Harry Styles. I’ve said Xennials have the most rich and diverse exposure and taste in music in all of history!! I stand on that! We are unlike any other gen," someone says.

"And this is why my child has superior taste in music," another writes.

"Xennial here. Literally all of these are in my main playlist. lol," one person laughs at the realization.

"4010% correct. I’m pretty sure I have a playlist with every single one of these songs on it," another person admits.

"These are all on my 'road trip' mix. Constantly updated and perpetually giving whiplash," a commenter shares along with the universal sign for rock-and-roll.

The Xennials are living their best life through Harrison's road trip playlist with many of them asking him to share his playlist so they can easily download it. Guaranteed most of the people watching his video had "Love Shack" by the B-52's stuck in their heads for the rest of the day. Party on, Nick!

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American mom living in Japan shows her son's adorable required school supplies

Okay, these are so freakin' cute.

Photo credit: Canva

We all need those adorable hats and loafers.

July is almost over, which means that a return to school is just around the corner. That also means that back-to-school shopping has begun.

But what might that look like in other parts of the world? Thanks to the internet, we need not wonder.

Moriah is an American mom who began living in Okinawa, Japan, in January 2024 after her husband got stationed there. She regularly posts videos showing just how different daily life is in her new home, not least of which being her son’s school.

In a now viral TikTok clip, Moriah shared her son’s latest school supply haul. And let’s just say…it looks a little different than what we normally see in the U.S.

Moriah began her clip by saying that everything cost 65,000 yen, which roughly amounts to $420. That’s a pretty hefty price for just one kid, but wait til you hear what was purchased.

For the first item, prepare to be overwhelmed by cute kid fashion. Moriah showed off an adorable black and white “summer hat,” to match his summer uniform. In winter, he’ll have a different uniform, and a different matching hat. Plus an outside hat…Japan has their hat game down pat.

But wait, there’s more! Moriah’s son also gets a name tag that looks like it was plucked right out of a wholesome anime, which will be pinned onto his uniform each day, in addition to two gym shirts with his name in Japanese sewed onto the front, three pairs of gym shorts, two sets of the blue short overalls, two of the button-up shirts, an art smock and last but not least…a bow tie.

“They wear this during formal events,” Moriah explained.

Of course, the boy needs matching shoes for all these outfits, which are also part of the supply haul. Then his school outfit will be complete with an “itty-bitty” backpack.

And now, we get to the actual supplies.


@momentswithmoriah Japanese school supplies 🤩 #okinawa #okinawajapan #japanese #japaneseculture #shoppinghaul ♬ sonido original - SONIDOS LARGOS


First up: a pianika, which is a small, portable breath-powered keyboard that’s standard for most Japanese elementary schools.

“All of the kids get these and learn how to play them and then they'll have a school event where we get to watch and see what they've learned,” Moriah explains before playing a couple of notes.

Then there’s the drawing pad, a jump rope, art supplies like scissors, glue pastels, markers and clay, all of which fit into a nifty supply box that’s top also acts as a mold for the clay that they use. There’s even a pouch that holds onto all “communications for the parents.”

Because organization is clearly a priority, Moriah says that she has to label each and all of these supplies. But she luckily has her kid’s name in Japanese on a stamp to make that task a little easier.

And that’s it! At least, for brand-specific school supplies. Moriah said her family would later go out to stores to get things like her son’s lunch mat and water bottle, which could allow for a little more personal flair.

The mom then shared that when she first attempted this three months ago, it felt really “daunting.” But now with a bit more experience under her belt, she’s “actually excited to get everything organized and ready for the start of the school year in September.”

Though Moriah and her family might only be in Japan for 3-6 years (according to her follow-up video), she’ll certainly have racked up quite a few memories while there, in addition to fun videos for us! It’s always cool to see how different cultures navigate life. Granted, even within Japan, different schools are bound to operate differently, but still, this is a prime example of how the internet is a great way to celebrate and explore differences.

To follow along on more of Moriah’s Japan journey, follow her on TikTok and Instagram.

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