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Researchers studied kindergarteners' behavior and followed up 19 years later. Here are the findings.

Every parent wants to see their kid get good grades in school. But now we know social success is just as important.

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Image from Pixabay.

Big smiles in class at kindergarten.

Every parent wants to see their kid get good grades in school. But now we know social success is just as important. From an early age, we're led to believe our grades and test scores are the key to everything — namely, going to college, getting a job, and finding that glittery path to lifelong happiness and prosperity.

It can be a little stressful. But a study showed that when children learn to interact effectively with their peers and control their emotions, it can have an enormous impact on how their adult lives take shape. And according to the study, kids should be spending more time on these skills in school.

Nope, it's not hippie nonsense. It's science.

Kindergarten teachers evaluated the kids with a portion of something called the Social Competence Scale by rating statements like "The child is good at understanding other's feelings" on a handy "Not at all/A little/Moderately well/Well/Very well" scale.

The research team used these responses to give each kid a "social competency score," which they then stored in what I assume was a manila folder somewhere for 19 years, or until each kid was 25. At that point, they gathered some basic information about the now-grown-ups and did some fancy statistical stuff to see whether their early social skills held any predictive value.

Here's what they found.

1. Those good test scores we covet? They still matter, but maybe not for the reasons we thought.

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Meeting high expectations...

Billy Madison GIF from Giphy

Traditional thinking says that if a kid gets good grades and test scores, he or she must be really smart, right? After all, there is a proven correlation between having a better GPA in high school and making more money later in life.

But what that test score doesn't tell you is how many times a kid worked with a study partner to crack a tough problem, or went to the teacher for extra help, or resisted the urge to watch TV instead of preparing for a test.

The researchers behind this project wrote, "Success in school involves both social-emotional and cognitive skills, because social interactions, attention, and self-control affect readiness for learning."

That's a fancy way of saying that while some kids may just be flat-out brilliant, most of them need more than just smarts to succeed. Maybe it wouldn't hurt spending a little more time in school teaching kids about the social half of the equation.

2. Skills like sharing and cooperating pay off later in life.

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Adam Sandler helps out a friend dealing with a stressful situations.

Billy Madison GIF from Giphy

We know we need to look beyond GPA and state-mandated testing to figure out which kids are on the right path. That's why the researchers zeroed in so heavily on that social competency score.

What they found probably isn't too surprising: Kids who related well to their peers, handled their emotions better, and were good at resolving problems went on to have more successful lives.

What's surprising is just how strong the correlation was.

An increase of a single point in social competency score showed a child would be 54% more likely to earn a high school diploma, twice as likely to graduate with a college degree, and 46% more likely to have a stable, full-time job at age 25.

The kids who were always stealing toys, breaking things, and having meltdowns? More likely to have run-ins with the law and substance abuse problems.

The study couldn't say for sure that strong or poor social skills directly cause any of these things. But we can say for sure that eating too much glue during arts and crafts definitely doesn't help.

3. Social behaviors can be learned and unlearned — meaning it's never too late to change.

Adam Sandler GIF of getting his groove on.

Billy Madison GIF from Giphy

The researchers called some of these pro-social behaviors like sharing and cooperating "malleable," or changeable.

Let's face it: Some kids are just never going to be rocket scientists. Turns out there are physical differences in our brains that make learning easier for some people than others. But settling disputes with peers? That's something kids (and adults) can always continue to improve on.

And guess what? For a lot of kids, these behaviors come from their parents. The more you're able to demonstrate positive social traits like warmth and empathy, the better off your kids will be.

So can we all agree to stop yelling at people when they take the parking spot we wanted?

But what does it all mean?

This study has definite limitations, which its researchers happily admit. While it did its best to control for as many environmental factors as possible, it ultimately leans pretty heavily on whether a teacher thought a kid was just "good" or "very good" at a given trait.

Still, the 19-year study paints a pretty clear picture: Pro-social behavior matters, even at a young age. And because it can be learned, it's a great "target for prevention or intervention efforts."

The bottom line? We need to do more than just teach kids information. We need to invest in teaching them how to relate to others and how to handle the things they're feeling inside.

Ignoring social skills in our curricula could have huge ramifications for our kids down the road.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

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A man discovered a letter his wife hid from him for 56 years. It held a life-changing secret.

"Tony, please don't be angry or surprised to hear this..."

old letter, 1959, tony trapani, letter, secret letters, love letter, love stories, dads, fatherhood, father and son, parents, parenting
via SHVETS production/Pexels and Suzy Hazelwood/Pexels
Tony Trapani discovers a letter his wife hid from him since 1959.

Writing a letter is truly a lost art form, and many young people will never know the joy of it. You had to choose your words carefully and say everything you wanted to say. Once you sent it off, there was no way to be sure it was delivered. No way to know if it had been opened or read. You couldn't take it back or send it again. You just put it in the mailbox and hoped for the best. It was excruciating and magical all at the same time.

One story of a letter never delivered has captured the hearts of readers everywhere. A heart-warming local news story gone viral for the best reasons.

Tony Trapani and his wife were married for 50 years despite the heartache of being unable to have children. "She wanted children,” Trapani told Fox 17. "She couldn't have any. She tried and tried." Even though they endured the pain of infertility, Tony's love for his wife never wavered and he cherished every moment they spent together.

letter, secret letters, love letter, love stories, dads, fatherhood, father and son, parents, parenting Tony Trapani received the most important letter of his life, but he didn't see it for 50 years Photo by Álvaro Serrano on Unsplash

After his wife passed away when Tony was 81 years old, he undertook the heartbreaking task of sorting out all of her belongings. In particular was a mountain of papers stuffed into filing cabinets. Trapani diligently went through every single one.

That’s when he stumbled upon a carefully concealed letter in a filing cabinet hidden for over half a century.

The letter was addressed to Tony and dated March 1959, but this was the first time he had seen it. His wife must have opened it, read it and hid it from him. The letter came from Shirley Childress, a woman Tony had once been close with before his marriage. She reached out, reminiscing about their past and revealing a secret that would change Tony's world forever.

"Dear Tony, I bet you are surprised to hear from me after so many years. I was just thinking about you tonight like so many other nights. But I thought I would write you and find out how you are," the letter reads. "Tony, please don't be angry or surprised to hear this. I have a little boy. He is five-years- old now - grey eyes and beautiful black hair. What I am trying to say Tony is he is your son."



"Please, Tony if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please come and see him," Shirley wrote in the letter. "Every day he asks me where is his daddy and believe me Tony I can't even answer him anymore. I would be forever grateful to you if you would just see him. ... I'll close now hoping and praying you will answer. P.S. His name is Samuel Duane."

Now, Tony faced the fact that he had a son that would be around 60 years old and he set out to find him.

For over a year, Trapani’s sister tried to track down the mysterious Samuel Duane Childress, until she finally contacted his wife, Donna.

Tony and Samuel met in January 2015 and he felt like a new dad. After meeting his father, Samuel said his mother told him she sent the letter, but Tony never responded. "Why my wife didn't tell me," said Trapani, "I don't know. She wanted children. She couldn't have any. She tried and tried."

It's easy to understand why it may have been hard for Trapani's late wife, Dolly, to pass along that sort of news. Though we'll never know what exactly must have been in her heart and mind when she hid the letter all those years ago.

"I always asked my mom, I said, 'Well what does he look like?'' Samuel said. "She said, 'Well, go look in the mirror."

The two met and caught up on a lifetime of memories with the understanding that they could never change the past. "Just to know him now is so important to me. It's going to fill that void," Samuel said.

But just to be sure, Tony took a paternity test to ensure they were father and son. Stunning everyone involved, the test came back negative. Tony was not the father.


letter, secret letters, love letter, love stories, dads, fatherhood, father and son, parents, parenting Tony and Samuel didn't waste time thinking about what might have been if he'd seen the letter earlier. Photo by Ire Photocreative on Unsplash

The news upset Tony and Samuel, but they still had a unique bond. They shared a relationship with Samuel’s mother and both have been on an incredibly wild ride after Tony found the mysterious letter.

“They're keeping that bond,” Donna said. “That paper doesn't mean anything to him. That bond has been made—and we're going to move on from here.”

Tony Trapani passed away in 2017, leaving him just two short years to connect with the man he once believed to be his son. If he'd seen the letter earlier, maybe they would have had more time. But that's all in the past, and by all accounts the men treasured the time they got together, and the relationship that they did have — not the one they wished for.

This article originally appeared earlier this year. It has been updated.

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4 gestures that can make you instantly more likeable, according to a communication coach

Draw people in with these facial expressions and body language tips.

likeability, likeable, how to be more likeable, facial expressions, body language
Photo credit: Canva

Communication expert shares facial expressions and body language tips to become more likeable.

Being a likeable person can help you build strong, healthy personal and professional relationships. How you carry yourself and the gestures you make can impact if people perceive you to be likeable.

"Based on various research in neuroscience and communication, the brain processes nonverbal cues up to half a second before it processes words," Tatiana Teppoeva, a certified communication coach specializing in nonverbal communication and founder of One Nonverbal Ecosystem, tells Upworthy. "Facial expressions, tone, and body signals are decoded almost instantly, long before we consciously register verbal meaning."

Your nonverbal communication and body language can speak volumes to others.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"These rapid cues shape whether someone seems warm, safe, confident, or emotionally attuned," she adds. "When your body language communicates presence and ease, people intuitively perceive you as more likeable and trustworthy."

These are four gestures that make you instantly more likeable:

Gesture #1: The softened eye look

"A slight narrowing of the lower eyelids that signals warm, focused attention," says Teppoeva. "This type of eye expression makes people feel truly seen, which increases warmth and connection."

She offers a few examples of celebrities as great examples. "Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson uses this micro-gesture often when someone shares something meaningful with him. It shows genuine focus without intensity," she shares. "Zendaya uses a softer, empathetic version of the same look in interviews, especially when she is listening closely or responding with care."

zendaya, zendaya gif, zendaya body language, soft eyes, empathy Public Media Actors On Actors GIF by PBS SoCal Giphy

Gesture #2: The sincere, welcoming smile

A slow, natural smile that appears as you take in the moment, not a quick or automatic grin," explains Teppoeva. "The brain interprets these kinds of smiles as sincerity and emotional presence, which boost likeability almost instantly."

Two celebrities who model this well are Tom Cruise and Julia Roberts.

"Tom Cruise is known for his delayed, spontaneous smile that reads as genuine rather than posed," Teppoeva says. "Julia Roberts has a warm, gradually unfolding smile that consistently feels authentic and inviting."

@steven

Behavioural expert Vanessa Van Edwards teaching you how to become more likeable with these simple tips 👀 Full conversation on The Diary Of A CEO #podcast #podcastclips #clip #expert #bodylanguage #vanessavanedwards #tips #advice #didyouknow #trythis #relatable #teamwork #interview

Gesture #3: The encouraging nod

Nodding communicates empathy and understanding.

"A gentle, supportive nod while someone speaks," Teppoeva shares. "This gesture validates the speaker and increases likeability because it shows true engagement."

"Idris Elba nods subtly during conversations, especially when someone shares something personal or uncertain, signaling 'I’m with you'," adds Teppoeva. "Oprah Winfrey uses the same encouraging nod to create psychological safety and help guests feel understood."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Gesture #4: Open-hand visibility

Your hands also play a big part in your likeability.

"Showing your hands briefly when you begin speaking or respond to someone’s point signals openness and cooperation," explains Teppoeva. "Many widely liked actors and presenters naturally incorporate relaxed open-palm gestures because humans instinctively associate visible palms with honesty and sincerity. This makes you appear more approachable and trustworthy within seconds."

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Neil deGrasse Tyson explains why time accelerates as we get older and how to slow it down

Can we trick our minds into slowing down time?

time, neil degrasse tyson, time flies, perception of time. clock, science,
via Karl Withakay/Wikimedia Commons and Canva/Photos

A clock and Neil deGrasse Tyson.

When you’re a kid, time passes a lot more slowly than when you’re an adult. At the age of seven, summer seems to go on forever, and the wait from New Year’s Day to Christmas feels like a decade. As an adult, time seems to go faster and faster until one weekend you’re putting up your Christmas lights though you swear you just took ‘em down a month ago.

Why does time seem to speed up as we get older? Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson recently explained the phenomenon in a video posted to Instagram. He also offered tips on how to slow the passage of time as you age. DeGrasse Tyson is one of the most popular science communicators in the world and the host of 2014's Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey and 2020’s Cosmos: Possible Worlds.

Why does time appear to speed up as we get older?


“When you're young, everything is new. Your brain is constantly recording fresh memories, and the more memory your brain stores, the longer the experience feels. But then something changes. As you get older, routines take over. Your brain stops saving so much detail. It switches to autopilot because everything feels familiar and predictable,” deGrasse Tyson explains. “And when your brain stores fewer new memories, your perception of time compresses. That's why childhood feels long, and adulthood feels like a blur.”


Steve Taylor, PhD, author of many best-selling books including Time Expansion Experience, The Leap, and Spiritual ScienceThe Leap, and Spiritual Science, agrees with deGrasse Tyson.

“This is mainly because, as children, we have so many new experiences, and so process a massive amount of perceptual information,” Taylor writes at Psychology Today. “Children also have an unfiltered and intense perception of the world, which makes their surroundings appear more vivid. However, as we get older, we have progressively fewer new experiences. Equally importantly, our perception of the world becomes more automatic. We grow progressively desensitized to our surroundings. As a result, we gradually absorb less information, which means time passes more quickly. Time is less stretched with information.”

How do we make time slow down?

There’s something a little depressing about the idea that time speeds up as we age because we have fallen into predictable routines. The good news is that we can break this cycle by changing our habits and having new experiences. The more novel information we can process and the less routine our lives become, the slower time will move.

DeGrasse Tyson believes that with some change in our behaviors, we can get back to longer summers and Christmases that aren’t perpetually around the corner.

“You can actually slow time down again. Do something unfamiliar,” deGrasse Tysons says. "Travel somewhere new. Break a routine you've repeated for years. Learn a skill your brain hasn't mapped yet. Because the more new memories your brain forms, the slower time feels as it passes. So if life feels like it's accelerating, it's not your age. It's your brain, and you can reboot it.”

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People are sharing their never before told delightful real-life encounters with Weird Al Yankovic

"'Never meet your heroes' doesn’t apply to this man."

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Photo credit: courtesy of 1980s.nostalgia Instagram

A fan's emotional meeting with "Weird Al" has prompted people to share their

"Weird Al" Yankovic: Grammy-winning parody-song master, multi-platinum singer-accordionist, genuinely nice dude. For decades, devoted fans have marveled at his warmth and approachability—rare qualities for an artist and celebrity of his stature. And now hundreds of them have gathered to swap stories in a particularly heartwarming Instagram comment section.

Their meeting spot is a post by Katelyn Sue, who runs the social media account 1980s.nostalgia. Starting in September 2025, the influencer posted a series of photos and videos showing an emotional pre-concert meet-and-greet with one of her lifelong inspirations. The clips are beautiful, showing the pair chatting casually, sharing a tender hug, and Yankovic signing some merch. "'Never meet your heroes' doesn’t apply to this man," she wrote.

"I started listening to Weird Al when I was 8," Katelyn Sue tells Upworthy. "There’s a joke with my generation that we have to go through the obligatory Michael Jackson phase in second grade because so many of us did. In the midst of my Michael Jackson phase, I would watch his videos over and over on my mom and dad’s computer in their room. One day while I was watching Michael Jackson videos, my dad showed me [Yankovic’s] 'Eat It' video…and then 'Fat.' I think being in the wheelchair and also just being a really quirky kid, I was hyper aware that I was different from other kids my age. Not many eight-year-olds then shared the same quirky interests that I did, and I think I felt like kind of a loner. Not only did I think the videos and songs were hilarious, it was comforting as the weird kid to watch his videos and feel like I wasn’t alone in being different and that it was okay. He definitely was one of the first people to make me feel like being weird isn’t bad."

How "Weird Al" helped one diehard fan persevere through a dark time

Katelyn Sue started her public social-media accounts at age 14, frequently posting about her love of the '80s and childhood heroes Yankovic and Paul "Pee-wee Herman" Reubens. But at first, she wound up getting "severely bullied" for it. "I was called 'a freak,' 'mentally ill,' all kinds of things," she says. "I shut that part of myself completely out."

At age 20, her mental health reached a breaking point, and in an attempt to escape her "dark thoughts," she clicked on her YouTube app and randomly found Yankovic’s video for childhood favorite "Like a Surgeon." "Long story short," she says, "that video is the reason I came back to myself. I wanted to meet him in 2022 when he was in my area, but it was too fresh. I decided to buy the tickets this tour and tell him what he had gotten me through."

Katelyn Sue was so "starstruck" during the meet-and-greet that she could barely remember everything she wanted to say. But she did manage to remark "You’re my childhood hero" and "Can I give you a hug?" She also requested that he doodle his own image so she could get it tattooed. "I almost chickened out, but I finally decided to tell him that he’s the reason I was able to start being my authentic self again and how much his music had gotten me through," she adds. "It was truly the most magical thing I’ve ever experienced."

The video of their meeting went viral—Katelyn Sue says it’s been "seen by" John Mayer, David and Patricia Arquette, and Cheri Oteri—and that reaction has been overwhelming in a good way.

"There are an insane number of comments talking about their interactions with him and how it made their day, even if it was a short interaction," she says.

Indeed, you can’t scroll for more than two seconds without spotting another sweet reply—from ordinary fans, celebrities, even former Yankovic collaborators. "He is really this guy," wrote actor Steven Weber. "Genuinely decent. Everything you’d want him to be." Stand-up comedian Matt Braunger chimed in, "I met him backstage when I opened for Aziz Ansari in like 2007(?) and he sends me a bday card every year (amongst other cool things he’s done as a friend). An absolute prince of a performer and person ❤️"

Here are some other wonderful comments:

"I’ve met Al several times and even have his autograph tattooed where he signed my arm. He is exactly what you’d hope he’d be like!"

"Awww 💕 I got to work with @alfredyankovic when he performed in the Nightmare Before Xmas live with Danny Elfman and Paul Reubens and can confirm that he was totally kind, warm and gracious the whole time. He even made a video greeting for the son of my boyfriend (at the time) who was a huge fan. He was gushing about it for ages! He’s a lovely human being ☺️"

"I've met weird Al several times. He is the kindest most giving person I've ever met. When you're talking to him he actually pays attention to you and doesn't just scribble his name and then have you walk away"

"Weird Al was a semi regular for a bit at a coffee shop i worked at. This is genuinely how he is. He always took pictures, always looked people in the eye and took time to actually speak with them."

"He’s a delightful man!"

"Waited 3 hours to *possibly* meet him and he wanted to meet EVERYONE in line. He was so nice."

"My kid got to interview him in 2016 (he was nine at the time.) Then, at the concert he (son, not Weird Al,) had a diabetic episode and got sick. We were leaving and security insisted we meet him before going. He let us go ahead of everybody else waiting to meet, and treated my son with total respect and warmth. 10/10 celebrity meeting. Could have hoped for more."

I actually met him for an interview after we filmed his live performance. So exceptionally sweet. He looked at me with a smile and said: 'Oh yeah, I saw you with the camera!'"

"I met Al back in 2011 and of the 100’s and 100’s of celebs I met or interacted with living out in California, he was by far one of the most genuine and memorable. Truly a person who seems so grateful to be appreciated by his fans. He made a very personal moment out of our meeting and it solidified why I’ve been a life long fan"

For Katelyn Sue, the story didn’t even end with that emotional meet-and-greet—she was able to meet Yankovic again in October at the GalaxyCon event. "[H]e told me he had seen the post, and that definitely made me extremely emotional," she says. "I had hoped he saw it for no other reason than I wanted him to see the comments talking about how much he has helped people through and how many people he truly inspires to just be their weird selves."

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Clip of two nonverbal autistic friends reuniting has people moved to their core

"She spoke two million and 42 words her own way. He listened to and heard each one."

profound autism, thomas, sofia, shannon lowe, autism awareness, love on the spectrum
Photo Credit: Shannon Lowe, used with permission

Thomas and Sofia, both nonverbal, communicate differently.

Sometimes love, whether it's platonic or romantic, cannot be heard—only experienced. Such is the case for Thomas, a non-verbal 20-year-old young man, and his dear friend Sofia, who is 23.

In a beautiful clip posted by t4autism on behalf of Thomas AKA Cubby, we see these two souls reunite at a bowling alley after having not seen one another for two weeks. Sofia and Thomas sit next to each other—one knee touching. They lean in, still keeping a dash of personal space. Their eyes gaze into one another's in a way that no words could truly capture. They each briefly smile when she looks up at his baseball cap. She gently touches it and then pushes it off. She smiles, and his gaze never wavers.


The camera briefly turns around to Thomas's proud mother, who simply gives the "I know, right?" look. The chyron reads, "After two weeks without seeing each other. Nonverbal. Profound Autism," while the song "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri underscores the moment. Hashtags on the post include: "Happy, love, autism, parents, joy, mom, papa, girl, boy, adulting, T4Autism" and perhaps best of all…"telepathy."

At nearly half a million likes, over 20,000 people took the time to comment on this video alone, many from people who claim to be neurodivergent themselves. One commenter writes, "This is literally the most beautiful thing I witnessed all year. She looks like a Disney princess, he's handsome. Her presence is soothing his overstimulation." Another notes, "They're not nonverbal, we just can't hear them."

This Instagrammer was downright poetic: "She spoke two million and 42 words her own way. He listened to and heard each one."

Upworthy had the honor of speaking with Thomas's mother, Shannon Lowe. She shared that Thomas was diagnosed with profound autism at the age of two. "Our journey has been a roller coaster of highs and lows," she said. "As a family, we've worked hard to find a tribe that truly understands our dynamic."

Of Thomas and Sofia, she notes, they "share a beautiful bond and great affection for one another."

She also opens up about what profound autism is and the impact it can have on families: "I wish the world understood that profound autism is a very different level of autism. It requires one-on-one care and often comes with self-injury behaviors. Unfortunately, we do not have many champions for this particular diagnosis. We lack legislation, resources, and support. Here in Fort Worth, we currently have a 17-year waitlist, and most of these families are led by single mothers—because only 18% of fathers stay, which adds even more trauma to an already stressful situation."

But she doesn't give up. She uses her social media platforms, including her YouTube channel T4Autism, to educate, vent, and exemplify that love knows no bounds. She even wrote a children's book entitled "Profound Love: Profound Autism," which she describes as an "invitation to see beyond diagnosis, beyond silence, and into the extraordinary ways love reveals itself—wordless, boundless, and profoundly real."

Mother talks about constant pivots made for autistic child. www.youtube.com, T4Autism

On the book's Amazon page, the description reads in part: "Though Thomas does not speak, he expresses joy, affection, and connection in ways that transcend language. His leaps of excitement, radiant smiles, and warm presence remind everyone around him of the purest form of love.

As Thomas, his family, and their three beloved dogs navigate daily life, their world expands when they meet Sasha and Sofia—two extraordinary young people also living with profound autism. Through shared walks, laughter, and simple moments, an unexpected and beautiful bond blossoms between Thomas and Sofia. Step by step, hand in hand, they discover a connection deeper than words—a love that speaks through smiles, gestures, and presence."


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