A woman is torn between a friendship and the truth.
Sometimes, the quest for the truth can push people to make extreme choices, especially when not knowing the answer eats away at them daily. Such is the story of Reddit user FooFooBunnyLa, who was so concerned over the identity of her best friend’s child that she forced her to get a paternity test.
Her best friend had a son with a man she claimed was a one-night stand, so she raised him alone. As the child grew older, FooFooBunnyLa started to get suspicious.
“The issue is this: this kid looks EXTREMELY like my husband like to an insane degree,” FooFooBunnyLA wrote on the Reddit AITA subforum. “The hair color, eyes, face, everything. He’s even been out with my friend and her son, and people have mistaken him to be the dad before. Needless to say, for three years now, I’ve had my suspicions, but I haven’t said anything. My husband is also close to my friend, and the timeline works out. We were all living almost in the same neighborhood around the time she got pregnant.”
Over the years, the resemblance began to gnaw away at the woman, and her friend wouldn't show her a picture of the child’s biological father, no matter how much she asked.
A distressed woman sits in a chair.
The situation was suspicious. The child looked a lot about her husband, and her friend wasn’t forthcoming with any evidence to prove otherwise. To put the issue to bed, the friend took the DNA test. The results would have enormous ramifications for everyone involved.
“Long story short, my friend got a paternity test but said our friendship is over,” FooFooBunnyLA wrote. “The test says my husband isn’t the father. I feel so ashamed to lose my friend, but I thought my husband would slightly understand since even he sees the obvious resemblance between him and this kid. But he has moved out for the time being, and I’m worried this is the end of our marriage.”
The woman asked the online forum if she did the right thing.
“I honestly felt like I had no other choice,” she confided. “The resemblance was unavoidable and it was eating at me so much that no amount of therapy could help. I thought my husband would understand my fears most of all given my history with past cheating exes.”
A depressed woman sits in a chair.
The woman received over 1400 responses, and nearly everyone agreed that she was wrong in the situation.
“Wait so you thought your supposedly cheating husband would just casually comment on his love-child like ‘oh gee honey doesn’t he look just like me’ to his already paranoid wife?” Toyworker, the most popular commenter, wrote. “Why the f*** would he do that if he was actually guilty? Why the f*** would either of them indulge you if they actually cheated?”
However, one commenter noted that if the woman successfully caught them with the test, people’s opinions of her would differ significantly.
If the results had come back positive, I think it would be mostly … praise for trusting her instincts,” DCPhoto78 wrote.
Ultimately, asking for the test ruined both relationships regardless of the outcome. Her friend and husband were sickened by the accusation, which created a point of no return for their relationship with her. Even if she were correct, the lying and the infidelity would have also caused severe and irreparable damage to the woman’s relationship with her friend and husband as well.
If FooFoo BunnyLa had to do it all over again, would she ask for the test?
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.