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Equality

Female neuroscientist recalls the time she was hilariously mansplained her own paper.

"I just got told that I should read what Stanton et al found about pain...I. Am. Stanton."

mansplaining
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Doctor receives unsolicited advice on a paper for which she was the author.

Mansplaining is not a science, but an art. It's when a man explains to a woman what she actually means. It comes with the assumption that the speaker doesn't know what she's talking about, even if she's literally an expert in the field. And it's annoying AF.

Dr. Tasha Stanton, an associate professor of clinical pain neuroscience at the University of South Australia, encountered a mansplainer at an Australian Physiotherapy Association Conference. Her experience is pretty relatable, even if you don't have "Dr." in your title.


After talking with a man, he, unsolicited, told Stanton she should read a paper. A paper that she wrote. "Friends at conferences – please do not assume that the people that you talk to do not know anything. I just got told that I should read what Stanton et al found about pain," she posted on Twitter. "I. Am. Stanton." Mic. Drop.

The man had no idea who he had been talking to. Stanton said she knows she can't expect someone to know what she looked like based on seeing her name on a paper. However, she should be able to expect that the person she's talking to treats her like someone who knows her stuff. "Just to be clear: I would never expect people to know what I look like! The more hilarious part of this was that the earlier part of the conversation had more of a condescending tone with recommendations of what I should read, which happened to be MY paper," she wrote.

Stanton said he was "visibly shocked. There was an "awkward silence" and "some attempted backpedaling." But Stanton took it in good stride. "[W]e both had a laugh. I told him that it was a massive compliment that he recommended my paper, that I am glad he enjoyed it and found it useful ... but that in the future he might want to be careful not to assume that other people don't know things ... especially when you are at a conference. We all make mistakes -- I know I certainly have -- but hopefully the message got across."

After Stanton posted her experiences on Twitter, other women chimed in with their own experiences of getting mansplained.

“@Tash_Stanton As a graduate student, I was once standing at my poster, with my name tag on, and was basically asked when "Swann" would be coming. When I said I was "Swann" the person said "Oh, from your work I thought you would be a man." He didn't seem the least bit troubled or embarrassed.”

Stanton said it's important to speak up when someone cuts you off by saying, "Well, actually…" It's the only way we can grow. "It's really important to be able to stand up and call it as it is because that's not a great way to interact with someone at a conference," Stanton told Good Morning America. "People will never learn if you don't call it out."

Why should someone refrain from mansplaining? If anything, it's just good manners. "It's not about trying to be the smartest or showing anyone up. It's literally about connection and the best way you're going to connect with someone is by actually asking questions about them. ... that can result in an amazing collaboration that you might never have thought!" Stanton told GMA. "Don't be that guy."

It is astounding that this many women were able to chime in with their own experiences of being told to read something they wrote. The only silver lining to this story is that the mainsplainer didn't chime in with, "Well actually, what happened was…"

This article originally appeared on 10.31.19


Identity

Celebrate International Women's Day with these stunning photos of female leaders changing the world

The portraits, taken by acclaimed photographer Nigel Barker, are part of CARE's "She Leads the World" campaign.

Images provided by CARE

Kadiatu (left), Zainab (right)

True

Women are breaking down barriers every day. They are transforming the world into a more equitable place with every scientific discovery, athletic feat, social justice reform, artistic endeavor, leadership role, and community outreach project.

And while these breakthroughs are happening all the time, International Women’s Day (Mar 8) is when we can all take time to acknowledge the collective progress, and celebrate how “She Leads the World.

This year, CARE, a leading global humanitarian organization dedicated to empowering women and girls, is celebrating International Women’s Day through the power of portraiture. CARE partnered with high-profile photographer Nigel Barker, best known for his work on “America’s Next Top Model,” to capture breathtaking images of seven remarkable women who have prevailed over countless obstacles to become leaders within their communities.

“Mabinty, Isatu, Adama, and Kadiatu represent so many women around the world overcoming incredible obstacles to lead their communities,” said Michelle Nunn, President and CEO of CARE USA.

Barker’s bold portraits, as part of CARE’s “She Leads The World” campaign, not only elevate each woman’s story, but also shine a spotlight on how CARE programs helped them get to where they are today.

About the women:

Mabinty

international womens day, care.org

Mabinty is a businesswoman and a member of a CARE savings circle along with a group of other women. She buys and sells groundnuts, rice, and fuel. She and her husband have created such a successful enterprise that Mabinty volunteers her time as a teacher in the local school. She was the first woman to teach there, prompting a second woman to do so. Her fellow teachers and students look up to Mabinty as the leader and educator she is.

Kadiatu

international womens day, care.org

Kadiatu supports herself through a small business selling food. She also volunteers at a health clinic in the neighboring village where she is a nursing student. She tests for malaria, works with infants, and joins her fellow staff in dancing and singing with the women who visit the clinic. She aspires to become a full-time nurse so she can treat and cure people. Today, she leads by example and with ambition.

Isatu

international womens day, care.org

When Isatu was three months pregnant, her husband left her, seeking his fortune in the gold mines. Now Isatu makes her own way, buying and selling food to support her four children. It is a struggle, but Isatu is determined to be a part of her community and a provider for her kids. A single mother of four is nothing if not a leader.

Zainab

international womens day, care.org

Zainab is the Nurse in Charge at the Maternal Child Health Outpost in her community. She is the only nurse in the surrounding area, and so she is responsible for the pre-natal health of the community’s mothers-to-be and for the safe delivery of their babies. In a country with one of the world’s worst maternal death rates, Zainab has not lost a single mother. The community rallies around Zainab and the work she does. She describes the women who visit the clinic as sisters. That feeling is clearly mutual.

Adama

international womens day, care.org

Adama is something few women are - a kehkeh driver. A kehkeh is a three-wheeled motorcycle taxi, known elsewhere as a tuktuk. Working in the Kissy neighborhood of Freetown, Adama is the primary breadwinner for her family, including her son. She keeps her riders safe in other ways, too, by selling condoms. With HIV threatening to increase its spread, this is a vital service to the community.

Ya Yaebo

international womens day, care.org

“Ya” is a term of respect for older, accomplished women. Ya Yaebo has earned that title as head of her local farmers group. But there is much more than that. She started as a Village Savings and Loan Association member and began putting money into her business. There is the groundnut farm, her team buys and sells rice, and own their own oil processing machine. They even supply seeds to the Ministry of Agriculture. She has used her success to the benefit of people in need in her community and is a vocal advocate for educating girls, not having gone beyond grade seven herself.

On Monday, March 4, CARE will host an exhibition of photography in New York City featuring these portraits, kicking off the multi-day “She Leads the World Campaign.

Learn more, view the portraits, and join CARE’s International Women's Day "She Leads the World" celebration at CARE.org/sheleads.


Health

Over or under? Surprisingly, there actually is a 'correct' way to hang a toilet paper roll.

Let's settle this silly-but-surprisingly-heated debate once and for all.

Elya/Wikimedia Commons

Should you hang the toilet paper roll over or under?



Upworthy book

Humans have debated things large and small over the millennia, from the democracy to breastfeeding in public to how often people ought to wash their sheets.

But perhaps the most silly-yet-surprisingly-heated household debate is the one in which we argue over which way to hang the toilet paper roll.

The "over or under" question has plagued marriages and casual acquaintances alike for over 100 years, with both sides convinced they have the soundest reasoning for putting their toilet paper loose end out or loose end under. Some people feel so strongly about right vs. wrong TP hanging that they will even flip the roll over when they go to the bathroom in the homes of strangers.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not merely an inconsequential preference. There is actually a "correct" way to hang toilet paper, according to health experts as well as the man who invented the toilet paper roll in the first place.

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Family

A recently-deceased mom became a celebrity after her kids' published stunningly clever obituary

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The Hamilton Spectator

RIP Sybil Marie Hicks

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Sybil Marie Hicks, from Baysville, Ontario, died on February 2, at the age of 81, but it'll be a long time before her name is forgotten. Her children have turned her into a posthumous celebrity after writing a hilarious first-person obituary for her that was published in The Hamilton Spectator on February 5, 2019.

According to her daughter, it was fitting tribute.

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Brielle Asero lost her job after 2 months.

TikTokker Brielle Asero, 21, a recent college graduate, went viral on TikTok in October for her emotional reaction to the first day at a 9-to-5 job. The video, which received 3.4 million views, captured the public’s attention because it was like a cultural Rorschach test.

Some who saw the video thought that Asero came off as entitled and exemplified the younger generation’s lack of work ethic. In contrast, others sympathized with the young woman who is just beginning to understand how hard it is to find work-life balance in modern-day America.

“I’m so upset,” she says in the video. "I get on the train at 7:30 a.m., and I don't get home until 6:15 p.m. [at the] earliest. I don't have time to do anything!" Asero said in a video.

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Gordon Ramsay at play... work.


Gordon Ramsay is not exactly known for being nice.

Or patient.

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On his competition show "Hell's Kitchen," he belittles cooks who can't keep up. If people come to him with their problems, he berates them. If someone is struggling to get something right in the kitchen, he curses them out.

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I told a kid a riddle my dad told me when I was 7. His answer proves how far we've come.

This classic riddle takes on new meaning as our world changes for the better.




When I was 7, my dad told me a riddle.

"A man and his son are driving in their car when they are hit by a tractor-trailer.

Photo via iStock.

(We were driving at the time, so of course this was the riddle he decided to tell.)

The father dies instantly.

The son is badly injured. Paramedics rush him to the hospital.

Photo via iStock.

As he is being wheeled into the operating room, the surgeon takes one look the boy and says:

'I can't operate on him. He's my son.'

How is that possible?!"

Without missing a beat, I answered:

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Know the signs of a domestic abuser.

Most abusers don't start their relationships by hitting their partners. That's why early warning signs are vital to recognize.

I know two women who recently left abusive partners. Both men seemed sweet and likable—even gentle—each time I saw them. Both had some lovely qualities as people and even as partners. And both turned out to be controlling, increasingly abusive partners behind closed doors.


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