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Millennials nearing 40 are sharing their biggest mistakes so everyone can learn from them

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses.

millennials, regrets, millennial life lessons

via Pexels

Millennials are now old enough to seriously reflect on life.

It seems like only yesterday a millennial was a college kid that baby boomers chided for being entitled and Gen Xers thought were way too sincere and needed to learn how to take a joke. Today, the oldest millennials, those born around 1980, have hit their 40s and have lived long enough to have some serious regrets.

They also have enough experience to take some pride in decisions that, in hindsight, were the right moves. The good news is that at 40 there is still plenty of time to learn from our successes and failures to set ourselves up for a great second half of life. These lessons are also valuable to the Gen Zers coming up who can avoid the pitfalls of the older generation.

A Reddit user who has since deleted their profile asked millennials nearing 40 “what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?” and they received more than 2,200 responses. The biggest regrets these millennials have are being flippant about their health and not saving enough money when they were younger.

They also realized that the carefree days of youth are fleeting and impossible to get back. So they should have spent less time working and more time enjoying themselves. Many also lamented that they should have taken their education more seriously in their 20s so they have more opportunities now.

The responses to this thread are bittersweet. It's tough hearing people come to grips with their regrets but the realizations are also opportunities to grow. Hopefully, some younger people will read this thread and take the advice to heart.

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses to the question: “Millennials of Reddit now nearing your 40s, what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?”

1.

"Not taking care of my hearing, not even 35 and going deaf." — Kusanagi8811

2.

"Not getting healthy earlier." — zombiearchivist

3.

"Staying too long at a job in my 20s, just because it was safe and easy. When I finally got the motivation to leave, ended up with an almost 50% pay boost." — Hrekires

4.

"Thinking that I could and should put myself on the back burner for anything and anyone else." — lenalilly227

5.

"Smoking and not dealing with my shit the right way." — Allenrw3

6.

"Pining after the wrong person." — runikepisteme

7.

"I turned 40 this year and just started liking who I am. Why the fuck did it take 40 years for self acceptance?" — guscallee

8.

"Take care of your fucking back. Lift with your knees. Sure it's rad when you grab a fridge by yourself and lift it in the back of a moving truck unaided, but one day that shit is going to have consequences that won't just magically go away by resting and "taking it easy" for a week." — GuyTallman

9.

"I wish I spent more time with my dad while I had the chance." — CharlieChooper

10.

"I'm 37. I absolutely could have taken better care of my body, but I'm in relatively good health. I'm starting to realize how important it is to maintain my health. I do also think I drank far too much in my 20 and early 30's. I'm trying to rectify that now, but it's hard. So that I guess." — dartastic

11.

"I'm not sure if people have experienced the same but when I entered my 30s I became convinced I was rapidly running out of time. Rather than using that as motivation I let it paralyze me with indecision because I "couldn't afford to make the wrong choice." Consequently, I'm now 39 and, though I've had great things happen in my 30s, I regret spending so much time worrying and so little time committing to a course of action." — tomwaste

12.

"Work to live, don’t live to work. You have half your working life after you turn 40 but only 20-25 years to really live it up before the responsibilities become heavy and your joints start to ache. Live life. Really LIVE it. Experience as much you can. Every sensation, sight, sound, touch. Be open. Be brave. Live your first few decades in the fast lane. You have the rest of your life to take it easy, when you have no choice." — MrDundee666

13.

"I should have paid more attention to my parents telling me to save money and less attention when they were teaching me about purity culture." — Arkie_MTB

14.

"If I could tell my 18 year old self one thing, it would be to save 10% of every paycheck I ever got." — PutAForkInHim

15.

"Thinking that I have time to do everything I want only to find myself loosing time, and the endless energy I used to have in order to purse them." — ezZiioFTW

16.

"Not wearing sunscreen." — blueboxreddress

17.

"Not recognizing the importance of work/life balance earlier in life. My late teens, all 20's, and early 30's were spent pulling 60-100+hr weeks because I thought it was what was required to succeed. How wrong I was. Others stabbed me in the back and reaped the reward.

1.) Putting work first for too long. Work is my #1 priority during work hours now. After quitting time, I don't think about it (much) anymore. I don't vent to my wife or friends about it anymore either.

2.) Investing more into fast cars than solid long-term investments. Sure, it was fun, but I could have made bookoos more had I put that towards less-fun investments.

3.) Not using PTO and just waiting for the payout. All those years, missed. I'm in my mid 30's and I didn't actually have a real vacation until 3 years ago.

4.) Not realizing that "the good guy" often loses. Just because you're morally justified doesn't mean you're going to win. Just because there's a number to call doesn't mean anyone will actually help you. Just because "law" exists, doesn't mean people follow it, enforce it, or create justice. The world is dog eat dog and cynicism can be healthy in moderate doses." — [Deleted]

18.

"When you get out of college, keep your friends. No matter how hard it is. Hold on to them." — mpssss22

19.

"I imagine these are kinda universal:

Not getting fit and healthy
Assuming I'd be offered proper guidance on how to achieve my goals
Assuming higher education would help me achieve my goals
Spending far too long caring what people think
Not taking risks that might better my life when I was younger and had nothing to lose
Staying in relationships too long after they were clearly done." — katapultperson

20.

"Always ask for more pay. Starting, yearly, before leaving, whatever. Get that money." — SensibleReply

21.

"Spending too much time in front of a screen and not enough enjoying life." — BellaPadella

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Pets

Pets support us, let's support them.

In honor of Pet Wellness Month, here are three small ways to fuel your furry friends.

Pets support our mental health every single day—now, it’s our turn to care for them.

True

There are few things that boost our mental health more than owning a pet. Whether it’s a dog or a cat, pets offer unconditional love, the ability to lower stress, and the opportunity to build a community with other pet lovers. Pets support our mental health in dozens of ways, every single day. But how do we care for them in return?

In partnership with Nulo, we’re celebrating Pet Wellness Month this October by highlighting the small, meaningful ways pet parents fuel their fur babies’ happiness and health. We asked readers: “What’s one small thing you do that makes a big difference for your pet?” The best answers win a custom pet portrait, a wellness care package courtesy of Nulo, and a donation to their local pet shelter.

Of all the hilarious and heartfelt answers we got, three of them stood out. Here are the winning responses and three examples of how you, too, can make a huge difference for your pet in small, simple ways.

Keeping their bodies strong

Meet Tee: He’s a loyal, playful ball of energy that helps his owner, Jailon, by bringing joy and calm to his life every day. To show Tee love, Jailon prioritizes physical health and emotional wellness. For exercise, Jailon makes sure Tee has daily walks, playtime, and making sure his diet is balanced with high-quality, nutritious food (Nulo being one of his favorites).

But emotional wellness is equally important. “One small thing I do that makes a big difference for my pet is setting aside dedicated connection time every day,” Jailon says. “No phones, no distractions, just us. The time helps us bond and keeps Tee’s mind active and healthy.”

Communication is key

Mary Ann’s dog Aiden was rescued from her local Humane Society, and as a former stray, the beginning of their relationship wasn’t always easy.

“Aiden was so scared that he would sleep in a corner or under a bed. My husband and I had to sleep with him on the floor until we gained his trust,” Mary Ann said. To soothe his separation anxiety, Mary Ann started talking to him regularly.

“I started telling him, ‘mommy is going to work,’ or ‘mommy will be back’ and he started to understand,” she said.

Amazingly, Aiden responded. Now, his anxiety has improved and their bond is stronger than ever. Aiden still relishes the gentle words of affirmation that Mary Ann continues to give him.

“His face is so expressive and his smile melts our hearts,” she said. “We get him to fall asleep by repeatedly telling him, ‘I love you, Aiden.’”

Building them a place to call home

Our feline friends need love, too. That’s why Amber created a cozy habitat for her longhair tuxedo cat, Precious, on the nights where she likes to roam. Adopted from a local shelter eight years ago, Precious is now 16—and not fond of staying indoors.

“In her old age, Precious has become very anxious being inside,” Amber said. Even in the cold winter months, Precious prefers staying outside on their back deck or exploring their 10-acre property. “She usually refuses to come inside, even on cold nights,” Amber said.

After many failed attempts to get her inside for the evening, Amber and her family realized it would be unfair to keep her confined when she wasn’t comfortable. As a compromise, Amber’s handy husband built a safe haven for her outside.

“She couldn't just have a tiny little box. Our girl was too good for that,” Amber said. “Now we can rest easy at night knowing she is safe, warm, and secure in her own private bungalow.”

Showing love for your pets—especially in the form of regular exercise, safe surroundings and good nutrition—is the best way to keep them happy and healthy for as long as possible. And when we help our pets live longer, we’re nurturing the connection that makes our lives richer, too.

Good nutrition is the cornerstone of a happy pet. Fuel your pet and help them reach their individual incredible with help from Nulo.

Family

Boomer grandma challenges family norms by asking why she has to do the traveling for visits

"Should grandmas be the ones on the road, or should families pick everything up and drive to her?"

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via Canva/Photos

An older woman holding a suitcase.

When the holidays roll around, it’s time for families to decide where they will meet to celebrate. For the most part, parents with younger kids dread packing their bags and traveling to a family member’s house where things aren’t set up for young children. You fumble around setting up the pack ‘n plays, can’t find your bottle brush, and freak out because the electrical sockets aren’t child-proof.

However, many grandparents aren’t keen on enduring the mental and physical strain of traveling at an older age. So, who’s right? Grandma Jan, founder of Grandma Camp and a TikTok influencer who shares fun ideas for grandparents and grandkids, argued that parents should pack up their kids and visit Grandma.

@grandmacampplanner
Is it Grandma’s job to travel to the kids, or should the family come to her? 👀 Let’s hear it—#GrandmaCamp #FamilyDebate #momsoftiktok #GrandmaLife #HolidayTravel

“Okay, so, here's the debate: families say, ‘Grandma, why don't you come visit us?’ But let's be honest, Grandma's house is where the traditions are, the cookies are, and all of the toys are,” Grandma Jan begins. “But if grandma is driving, flying, hauling all the gifts, and packing up her car to come see you, maybe it's time to flip the script. When did it become normal for Grandma to pack up all her stuff and come see you? Should the kids pile into the car, bring all their toys, and just go visit grandma? Bring all that love and chaos to her?”

So she asked her followers: “Should grandmas be the one on the road or should families pick everything up and drive to her?” Just about everyone in the comments said that grandparents should have to travel to see their grandchildren.

“Nope. I want Christmas morning in pajamas with my family. I want my traditions. My parents and in-laws (the grandparents) got all of this how they wanted. It’s my turn now,” Maggie wrote. “Gramma is retired and now has a shit ton of time. Kids and parents have a very finite amount of time off in the holidays that they do not want to spend on the road,” Mrs. Wright added.

Some grandparents also checked in to disagree with Grandma Jan. “Why would I put that on my kids and grandkids? It’s so hard traveling with kids, not to mention expensive to fly for more than one person,” Populustultus wrote. “What a weird way to think about that. Why wouldn’t you help your kids create magic in their home? Signed a grandma,” LifestylebyKat added.

@grandmacampplanner
Disclaimer: My last post was meant to spark conversation, not advice. It came from what I witnessed as an OT — older grandmas struggling to travel alone. Every family is different ❤️ #GrandmaCampByGrandmaJan #FamilyDecisions #GrandmaLife #OTperspective #momsoftiktok

The response inspired Grandma Jan to release a follow-up video clarifying her opinion. She admits she came up with the idea after seeing older people having a hard time getting through the airport. “[I saw] older grandparents struggling their way through airports carrying their own heavy bags while managing a walker or a plane or a wheelchair, struggling through all on their own with no one to assist,” Grandma Jan said. “And as an occupational therapist, that actually broke my heart. For younger, healthier grandparents, travel can be fun, but for the older generation, it can be quite a struggle."

Ultimately, Grandma Jan didn’t intend to put anyone out; she just wanted to have a conversation about what’s best for families as a whole. “And Grandma Camp by Grandma Jan is about having those conversations, not making rules. And at the end of the day, it's about connection, not distance,” she concluded her video.

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Pop Culture

Fascinating video explains why silent movie stars looked so weird on screen

Early Hollywood was a wild science experiment.

silent films, film history, makeup, makeup history, history, cool history, films, pop culture

Harold Dean Carsey, Wikipedia

Clara Bow

Film lovers and historians have long marveled at the hypnotic faces of the silent era: ghost-white skin, black lips, those hypnotically hollow eyes. But as one viral explainer from Hollywood history buff Swofford revealed, this wasn’t so much an aesthetic choice as it was about chemistry, physics, and creativity blending together in a really cool way.

In the earliest days of cinema, filmmaking was as much a science experiment as an art form. Directors, actors, and makeup artists were learning, frame by frame, how to make human faces readable on camera. And what they discovered would lay the groundwork for movie makeup as we know it.

As Swofford explained, early silent films were shot on orthochromatic film, from the Greek ortho (“correct”) and chroma (“color”). Ironically, the “correct color” film was terrible with warm tones and “did not give AF” about them, Swofford quipped.

Buster Keaton Hat GIFfrom Buster Keaton GIFs

This meant that red lipstick looked black, rosy cheeks turned ashen, and natural skin tones vanished into murky gray. Meanwhile, blue tones, which the film stock was sensitive to, appeared shockingly bright or ghostly white.

Pioneering filmmakers took their cues from theater—where thespians had already learned to combat harsh gaslight with greasepaint—and then reengineered those tricks for the even harsher glare of studio lamps and film stock.

Foundations came in pale yellows, whites, or faint pinks, applied in streaks and topped heavily with powder to reduce shine from the scorching studio lights (dear god, I’m breaking out just thinking about this). Contours were rouged in red for dimension, and blue, counterintuitively, was used as a highlighter. Eyes and brows were lined in dark brown or black to emphasize expression.

silent films, film history, makeup, makeup history, history, cool history, films, pop culture Theda Bara upload.wikimedia.org

The idea was to make “the whites of the eyes shine as brilliantly as possible," said Swofford.

Lips, meanwhile, were painted in cool pinks or muted browns—reds would turn black on film. And while rumor has it that 1920s actresses wore green lipstick, Swofford clarified that was a later invention for early color television testing, not the silent screen.

Under normal light, this makeup looked downright alien. But under orthochromatic film, it was pure magic: dreamy, sculpted, expressive. To prove it, Swofford even applied authentic 1920s makeup to his own face on camera. Lo and behold, it looked downright bizarre in color, but when he adjusted the light settings, it was uncanny. He suddenly transformed into a vintage film idol, like we’ve stepped into a Buster Keaton reel.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Once panchromatic film arrived—film that could capture the full color spectrum—this strange alchemy was no longer necessary, Swofford noted. And with the dawn of Technicolor, the entire aesthetic changed again.

This video is an amazing reminder that cinema has always been an evolving collaboration between art and experimentation. The faces of the silent era may look ghostly now, but in their time, they were pure innovation. It also goes to show that the earliest stars weren’t just performers, but the founders of a new visual language.

Be sure to give Swofford a follow on Instagram and YouTube for even more educational and entertaining videos just like this one.

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Education & Information

Master linguist visits town with world's most 'perplexing' accent and finally meets his match

Most shockingly, it's an extremely unique form of English.

language, linguistics, polyglot, english language, accents, scotland, travel, international, cultural differences

Photo credit: Canva

A polyglot who speaks dozens of languages finally met his match: A strange version of English.

Some languages are harder to learn than others. Many who've tried will say that Eastern languages like Chinese Mandarin and Japanese are extremely difficult for non-natives because of the unique sounds and intricate writing system. Others, like Hungarian or Finnish, have complex grammar rules that are challenging for beginners.

Some people find pretty much all of them simple. Or at least, they enjoy the challenge.

Arieh Smith, a YouTuber known as Xiaoma, is a polyglot—someone who has mastered many languages. He's known as a linguistics master and his skill and teachings have earned him nearly a whopping seven million subscribers on social media.

Xiaoma recently traveled to a well-known part of the world and finally met his match in the form of a dialect he just couldn't crack: English.

No, not regular American or British English, but a specific accent and dialect called Glaswegian; spoken in Glasgow, Scotland.

language, linguistics, polyglot, english language, accents, travel, international, cultural differences Glasgow is a beautiful and fascinating city. Photo by Dorin Seremet on Unsplash

Xiaoma says Glaswegian is known as one of the trickiest English accents in the entire world, and so he was eager to go and see—or hear—it for himself. He quickly meets up with a local guide who has agreed to show him around the city, and immediately, Xiaoma can hardly understand the man at all. When the guide tells Xiaoma that the day is going to have "tops off weather," the YouTuber is baffled. (It's just a clever, and cheeky way, of describing good weather.)

"You guys speak English, but it's different, it's like..."

"Swahili," the guide finished for him. Xiaoma agrees.

Later, Xiaoma interacts with a few randoms on the street, who all greet and welcome him warmly, even though they can't understand each other all that well. Eventually, Xiaoma tries his hand at a few of the Glaswegian phrases he's picked up, but he just can't seem to match the pace and cadence of the natives—even though they're technically speaking the same language!

You've got to watch the whole series of interactions to truly appreciate this fascinating dialect:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Reactions poured in as nearly a million people have viewed the video to date. Many were fascinated by the language, but even more viewers appreciated the cultural representation on display in the video.

The video resonated especially with UK residents and people who had Scottish ties:

"This might be the most authentic representation of glasgow ive seen on an international channel - no sanitised tourist pish, just normal folk on the street."

"Was born and raised in Glasgow for the first 9 years of my life, been back there a few times over the year but not returned in maybe 20 odd years now, this made me extremely homesick as to how friendly and willing to chat to strangers everyone is, you don't get that South of England."

"The language is rich but their cheekiness is richer"

"Glaswegians you'll notice are very informal but very friendly. Most of the slang is crude humour jabbing at the nature of things and I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Man, being a native Scot I always have a big smile on my face hearing Scottish folk talk, especially Glaswegians. Pure magic, like!"

Glaswegian is an incredibly stubborn, resilient accent that shows no signs of going away anytime soon.

language, linguistics, polyglot, english language, accents, travel, international, cultural differences Fancy a visit? Photo by Artur Kraft on Unsplash

Many different towns and regions across the UK have their own specific dialects, but a lot of them are becoming "diluted" due to global television, social media, etc. It's related to a concept called "global homogenization." The more we're able to travel both physically and digitally, and the more we all consume the same media and culture on a large scale, the more we lose some of the regional intricacies that make the world so fascinating. Languages blend together, cultures flatten on, accents disappear. For example, the Brogue—an extremely rare English dialect found in some Atlantic coast islands in the United States—is quickly fading away.

Not Glaswegian.

“Interestingly, what is not happening in Scotland is the dilution of accents to a more homogenised anglicised accent on the scale that we are seeing in England, and in fact the Scots accent remains very distinctive," Professor Jane Stuart-Smith of Glasgow University told The Independent in 2015.

While the accent is beautiful, in its own strange way, maybe its the local culture and the good-hearted nature of the people who speak it that keeps it alive. You might not be any closer to understanding or speaking Glaswegian after watching Xiaoma's video, but with any luck, your interest in visiting Scotland will be piqued.

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Community

People donate over $280,000 to Portland coffee shop giving free breakfast to SNAP recipients

"Portland, please come eat. The world has you."

coffee shop, barista, giving, generosity, breakfast

Photo credit: Canva

Sometimes a coffee shop is more than a coffee shop.

What happens when a volunteer-run, non-profit coffee shop offers free breakfast to people whose food assistance is about to be halted due to a government shutdown and political stalemate? The world shows up to help in a big way.

Heretic Coffee is a unique coffee shop and roasting company in southeast Portland, Oregon. The community-oriented shop aims to be a counter to the often-exploitative coffee industry, which means it pays its suppliers the best possible wage and provides top-notch brewing training to the volunteer baristas who help the shop run. And now that generosity of spirit has spread far beyond Portland after owner Josh White put out an offer to provide breakfast to anyone who is losing their SNAP benefits when the U.S. government halts benefits on November 1.

See on Instagram

On October 26th, 2025, the coffee shop wrote on Instagram, "Starting November 1st: If you are losing your SNAP benefits and are unsure how to feed your family, then breakfast is on us. No proof needed. No questions asked. Just ask us for the 'Snap breakfast' and our baristas will know what to do, and will take care of you. Come in each day until your SNAP is back."

People who saw the post began asking if there was a place they could donate to help out with the generous offer. Heretic set up a donation link and put it in shop's Instagram bio, and soon the donations started pouring in. Within two days, over 2,000 people had donated, raising more than $72,000. In another two days, the total had climbed to over $184,000. As of October 30, that total had risen to over $280,000.

See on Instagram

To say White was surprised is an understatement. "I legitimately thought we would get a couple hundred dollars,” he told The Oregonian.

What's perhaps most remarkable is the global nature of the donations. People from Australia to West Africa have sent breakfast funds, and as of October 30, more than 10,000 people had donated from around the world. One donation was just $1.17—all the person had to donate.

“This is a now a global movement of humanity making sure Americans are fed, White wrote on the shop's Instagram page. “Literally, thank you to the world for feeding people. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: when the system fails us, it’s on us to take care of each other.”

White has partnered with Equitable Giving Circle to ensure that every dollar of the flood of donations is put to the best use to help individuals and families in the Portland area get the aid they need.

See on Instagram

People from Portland and elsewhere shared praise for the initiative and people's response to it:

"That’s an average donation of $26 each - let’s please remember this next time we are tempted to think 'but I’m just one person, what can I do?."

"When you eat primarily rice, beans, tuna, pasta, and are able to go into a regular coffee shop for a fresh meal — so much dignity is restored in that little act 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹."

"This is incredible!!! I love how people are showing up and giving what they can!! What a beautiful way to bring some healing to our divided nation."

"The way this rolling tide of generosity and love has made every day this week infinitely more tolerable ❤️🩹 None of us should have been driven to the point that this needed to be the answer but I am so damn grateful that humanity has shown up in this incredible way at this moment when my faith in all that’s good was beaten and dragged and shrinking every day."

""Restoring faith in humanity when we need it. Thank you!"

See on Instagram

Heretic says that their first step with the flood of funds is to feed people with their SNAP breakfast initiative. "This is in effect right now and will be until SNAP is reinstated or until we go broke," the shop shared on Instagram. The next step is to use the attention "to bring awareness to the mutual aid orgs & communities here in Portland who have been doing this for years, and using your financial support to feed as many people as possible."

"Again, from the bottom of my heart: thank you," White wrote. "Thank you to everyone who has waited for their latte, to the grandmother in Ireland who emailed me and said she’d cook me dinner if I were ever in her city, and to the thousands of you who have given your money for this cause.

"Portland, please come eat. The world has you."

Indeed it does. Find more information about the SNAP breakfast initiative on Heretic Coffee's Instagram page.

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Health

Man makes a perfect case for why you'll find so many narcissists at church

"I don't think Christianity creates narcissists, but I do think it attracts them."

church, pew, christians, worship, service, prayer

via Canva/Photos

A family at church.

There’s a bizarre paradox in American life where some of the most shameless people claim that they are devout followers of God. You see it all the time with shady politicians and even in the pulpit, where it seems like every few months, some famous preacher is getting caught up in a scandal motivated by greed or sex.

There are also those people you meet in church who claim to be the most Godly on Sunday, but seem to forget His teachings during the week. What gives? Why is it that people who claim to be the most religious are often self-centered, arrogant narcissists? A popular TikToker who goes by Johnny and posts about politics and American culture says it’s because narcissists have a special love for religion. After all, it perfectly complements their toxic personality.

“Have you guys ever noticed that it seems like narcissists seem to love Christianity? And it's not because they're genuinely spiritual, but because it gives them everything that they want: Admiration, forgiveness, and zero accountability,” Johnny opens his video.

@happytimes503
#religion #psychology #christianity #narcissism #accountability

“They wanna do whatever they want and still be seen as good. Then there's the image side of it, of course. You know, churches reward the appearance of virtue —being godly, family-oriented, moral. It's a stage narcissists thrive on,” Johnny continued. "They get to stand up, talk about values, saving the kids, while living the opposite in private.”

What is a narcissist?

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition where people have a grandiose sense of self-importance. They are known to excessively brag about their achievements and fantasize about success, power, beauty, intelligence, and love. They have an intense need for admiration due to their fragile self-esteem and are preoccupied with how others feel about them. People should be wary around them because they are known to take advantage of others deliberately and can fake humility to protect their sense of self-importance.

Richard Ramos, founder of Parents on a Mission, a faith-based organization to help at-risk youth and families, says that churches are often positioned to be exploited by narcissists. “Many religious spaces value obedience, emotional vulnerability, and moral certainty, and of course, narcissists can exploit this to elevate themselves while hiding behind righteousness,” Ramos told Upworthy.

How to identify a narcissist in a religious setting

When do you know that someone in your house of worship is a narcissist? “You need to be aware of leaders or members who constantly put themselves front and center, discourage questioning, and confuse charisma with character,” Ramos told Upworthy. The Parents on a Mission founder believes that when combating narcissists in a religious setting, it’s best to enlist the entire community.

“If you’ve begun to sense narcissistic patterns in your faith community’s leadership, trust that instinct, and don’t carry the weight alone,” Ramos said. “Reach out to trusted voices, whether inside or outside your faith circle. You are not being ‘divisive’ by protecting your peace. You are discerning. Set clear boundaries and remember, spiritual leadership should never shrink your soul. True faith brings freedom, not fear. Confidence, not confusion. Worth, not shame.”

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