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Husband asks the world for help after fallout from wife's secret choice of 'horrible' baby name

Choosing your child's name can get really complicated.

unique baby names, baby names, reddit aita
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Unique baby names are definitely trendy. But it can backfire.

There’s a fine line between a unique name and one that sets kids up for a lifetime of ridicule.

On the one hand, maybe it shouldn’t matter what other people think, and parents should pick a name that suits their preferences, consequences be damned. On the other hand, their kid might not appreciate that kind of bravery after enduring years of bullying during childhood, followed constant confusion at Starbucks and truly unenviable work emails once they’re adults.

And this chapter of parenting can be a little stressful—even more stressful if neither partner can agree on a name they both like.

This was the case for a husband who absolutely hated a name his wife so eagerly wished to give their unborn son. But rather than follow the popular “one no, two yeses” rule of baby-naming, where both parents must agree on the name chosen for a child, the wife instead went full steam ahead with her idea.

According to the husband’s account on Reddit, here’s what happened:

“Me (25m) and my wife (23f) are having our first child together. She is currently 9 months pregnant and could give birth anytime in the next couple of weeks. The only major fight we have had throughout her pregnancy happened a couple days ago, and it was about what we were going to name our kid.”

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our kid something stupid?
byu/Public-Praline-3691 inAmItheAsshole

“It all started when we found out the gender of the baby,” he continued. “After we found out we were having a boy we sat down together and made a list. Almost all of the names she suggested were normal, until the one that caused me to write this post. She suggested we name our son Mune.”

Mune. Like…dune an “m?” Or like “mun?” “Moon?” “Money?” “Mew-nay?” So many questions.

“She told me the name was from this movie she watched when she was younger and that it always stuck with her,” the husband explained, saying that when he told her it felt a “little out there” and was worried their son might get made fun of.

After a little back and forth, the couple agreed to take the name Mune off the list. Or so the dad-to-be thought.

“Later on in her pregnancy her mom decided to throw a baby shower as it was her first grandchild. It was fine for the most part until we started to open the gifts. Most of them were normal baby things like diapers and bottles, until we got to her mom’s gift. My wife opened the gift bag and pulled out a blue handmade blanket. It seemed normal enough at first until my wife unfolded it and low and behold there was the name Mune written on the blanket,” he wrote.

The man had tried to keep cool until after the party was over. However, when he confronted his wife about it, all hell seemed to break loose.

“She got defensive and told me that it was a good name and that I was overreacting about it,” he concluded. “I brought up the earlier points and told her it was a stupid name for a kid and if she wanted to name something Mune so bad she could use the name for a dog. She got upset and called her mom to come get her. After she left she called me and told me she wouldn’t be coming back for a while. Everyone I’ve talked to about this has said I’m not the asshole, but now that my wife has been gone and I've been thinking about it I feel like I could have handled the situation better.”

Yikes.

parenting, baby names, unique baby names

Parenting is nothing is full of compromises

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While the husband might have regretted his actions, public opinion overwhelmingly sided with him.

One mom wrote, “Naming a baby is a 2 yes or 1 no situation. You do not name a child something your partner does not agree with. You find a compromise. This is the start of many necessary compromises in life and it is a total AH move to unilaterally decide on a child's name despite your partner's misgivings…She is absolutely not mature enough for motherhood if she can not find a reasonable compromise on this.”

Another added “this is a child, not a goldfish. There are consequences and repercussions to choosing a name that is very unusual to begin with.... To go behind the other parent's back and tell a grandparent what the name is going to be, that is unacceptable.”

Others noted how the wife and her mom “pulled a power play,” which “in itself is an a**hole move.” In addition, many pointed out that running away from the conflict (leaving to go to mom’s house) might have not been the best way to handle the situation.

“Leaving so she doesn’t have to face the argument is actually a form of abuse if it happens a lot,” one person commented. “She may just have baby brain and be overreacting due to hormones, but that is red flag behavior of it can’t be dismissed for reasons beyond her control.

baby names, parenting

What's ina name? A lot, apparently.

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And if there’s any doubt as to just how damaging "weird" names can be, take it from this person:

“My name has prevented me from doing anything that would have my name called out in a crowd of people. Never tried sports. Military was a no go. I don't even want to apply for higher positions at work because I don't want to have meetings in closed rooms where people might call my name.

“…Being forced to grow up with a weird name discouraged me from a lot of things and I began resenting my parents for thinking they were being creative. I had to live with it through grade school and high school. The ridicule didn't end until the damage was already done.”

Raising a kid together is full of making compromises, prioritizing healthy communication, and honoring commitments, none of which are easy 100 percent of the time. But if couples can’t learn how to navigate these issues, then disagreeing on names is the least of their problems. We can all agree that parenting as true partners means men often need to step up their games. But it takes two for parenting to truly flourish and that includes respect your partner and making choices that are good for the entire family. Together.


This article originally appeared on 10.19.23

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Mental Health

There's a new personality type called the 'otrovert' and one major trait sets it apart

"I feel seen for the first time in my life!"

Photo Credit: Canva

A person stands out in a crowd.

So many of us have the desire to compartmentalize our personality traits into neat little boxes. "Oh, she's such an INFJ. Oh, he's such a Gemini." Some of it is rooted (well sort of) in psychology, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, based loosely on Jungian ideas. Others rely on arguably less scientific data like stars and "rising signs." Humans aren't usually that simple.

That said, there's still value in understanding one's own personality and inclinations. Here's a confession: I've taken countless personality tests because I just couldn't figure out if I was an extrovert or an introvert. Neither description quite fit, and as someone constantly trying to understand what makes me tick, this has been frustrating.

Turns out, there are other options. The term "ambivert" got popularized in the 1930s (after being coined by Edmund S. Conklin in 1923), and it refers to a person "who has features of both an introvert (someone who prefers to spend time alone) and an extrovert (someone who prefers to be with other people) in their personality."

@tedtoks

Replying to @Factura🛄 now knowing what an ambivert is, how would you describe yourself? #ambivert #introvert #extrovert #adamgrant #psychology #TEDTalk #worklife

But for those who still don't quite relate, meet the otrovert. Just recently, psychiatrist Rami Kaminski published The Gift of Not Belonging, in which he discusses his coined term to describe a whole new type of personality. In an Insta-reel captioned "What is an Otrovert?" Kaminski mentions the polarization of introverts and extroverts. "When Jung invented the terms extrovert and introvert, he saw them as two fundamental orientations of the personality. I see the otrovert in the same way. A personality trait that faces away from the group."

He continues, "Extroverts and introverts are inherently communal, while the otrovert is an outsider to the group. In itself, it is not a problem or condition, nor is it a diagnostic label. It simply means that while most people learn to develop a sense of belonging to a specific group through social conditioning, otroverts remain social but not communal."

In writer Sarjna Rai's piece, "Struggle to Fit the Mold? The 'Otrovert' Personality Explains Why" for Business Standard, they write: "Unlike introverts or extroverts, otroverts are not defined by where they draw their social energy. Instead, the concept captures people who constantly feel like outsiders, and tend to look in a different direction altogether, not necessarily aligned with the rest of the group."

While it's impossible to group people into perfect categories, Rai explains that Kaminski claims the main thing that sets otroverts apart is their "reluctance to conform to group norms."

Writer Avery White lists signs one might be an otrovert in the article "7 Signs You Might Be an Otrovert" for VegOut. Among them is preferring "high-signal conversations and low-maintenance relationships." They give this as an example: "You’ll happily spend three hours exploring one idea with one person—and then not speak for weeks without either of you taking it personally. In other words, low pressure, low expectations, high connection.

Another on the list—and this is a big one according to Kaminski—is: "You can look extroverted in public—yet feel fundamentally 'other.'" This is actually the crux of the term, and in fact, what Kaminski formed The Otherness Institute for: as their website says, "those who feel they don't belong."

The site also shares that recognizing aspects of this type in yourself and others (if it applies) will help "balance between your individuality and your function as part of the social matrix that determines your well-being. The experience of otherness in a togetherness-minded world can be emotionally bruising. Often misunderstood and misdiagnosed, otherness may lead individuals to feel strange, lonely, and unwelcome in groups. Left unidentified, otroverts' non-belonging can result in a frustrating, futile lifetime effort of trying to 'fit in.'"

Some Redditors are scrambling to figure out if they fit into this category. In the subreddit r/INTP (referencing one of the Myers-Briggs personality types), the OP asks, "Maybe I am an 'otrovert?'" Under this, they write, "Dr. Kaminski described the otrovert child as 'neurotypical, friendly, curious, well-adjusted, and often popular' yet 'they resist being pressured into group activities.'"

While this can seem inconsequential in childhood, joining the peer group "becomes critically important" in adolescence, said the psychiatrist, and teens "start to gauge their self-worth based on the group’s ranking of popularity (or unpopularity).'

"Membership in a group, no matter how lowly, is better than being an outsider," he added. "Otroverts, however, are comfortable with being outsiders and find it impossible to feel like insiders, regardless of how welcome they are.'

There are a handful of commenters who feel seen, but many push back, claiming the term could easily apply to other personality traits. One writes, "I think it's easy to resonate with this description... but as some warning noted, there aren't enough studies done about this term that people should be running to adopt it. I resonated with it after reading about it... But I have ADHD and persistent depressive disorder... both of which coincide with the descriptions of an otrovert."

Time will tell if this new term sticks, but for now, it's helping a lot of people feel more understood.


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Pop Culture

Mariah Carey secretly made a grunge album in 1995. Now she's finally sharing it.

Her alt-rock alias was "Chick."

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Is there any genre she can't do?!

It’s not uncommon for famous singers to create tracks, even entire albums, under a fake name. Taylor Swift as Nils Sjöberg, Paul McCartney as Bernard Webb, Harry Styles as Mick Greenberg. Prince even racked up a collection of songwriter pseudonyms—including Joey Coco, Alexander Nevermind, and Jamie Starr. It’s often a chance to branch out creatively without any restrictions their current brand image might inflict.

For Mariah Carey, that alias was a “angry, angsty, and messy" grunge singer, aptly named “Chick.”

The year was 1995, during the height of Carey’s fame as an R&B/soul artist. She was recording Daydream, her fifth studio album, which featured tried-and-true hits like “Fantasy,” “One Sweet Day,” and “Always Be My Baby.”

Little did anyone know, but Chick was also recording an album at that time, titled Someone’s Ugly Daughter. Usually after the stroke of midnight, after recording of Daydream had ended, and going as late as six in the morning.

mariah carey, mariah carey grunge, mariah carey new album, grunge music, r&b. jimmy fallon, music The cover for Daydream, Carey's 1995 album. Wikimedia

Record label executives, concerned it would damage Carey’s image (a bit of a repetitive bane throughout her career), refused the album be released…at least, they wouldn’t allow it to be released under Carey’s actual name.

And thus, Chick’s one and only album made its clandestine way into the world, and it became something of a secret legend among hardcore fans, especially those who read Carey’s 2020 memoir, The Meaning of Mariah Carey, where the singer first shared about it.

You even catch a glimpse of Chick’s dark haired, goth girl attributes in Carey’s “Heartbreaker” music video, thanks to Bianca—the key villainess in the story, who Carey plays, alongside herself.

Fast forward to now, and talk of this long-lost grunge persona has made the airwaves again. As part of Apple Music’s new live show Flowers, Carey sat down with fellow artist SZA and shared gratitude for Someone’s Ugly Daughter allowing her to “feel free when I wasn’t free yet in my life.”

A copy of the album even made its way to Carey’s hands, where she discussed the smudged lipstick, dead cockroach, and kiss print that made up the cover (all her ideas). Gotta admit, she nailed the grunge aesthetic pretty well. SZA even convinced Carey to play two tracks from the release—“Hermit” and “Love Is A Scam"—which you can hear below.

@applemusic @SZA got @Mariah Carey ♬ original sound - Apple Music

“This would have scored so many movies in the 2000s,” one fan wrote.

Another echoed, “this would have been fire on the Clueless soundtrack.”

Then, on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, we heard a snippet of another song, “Prom Queen.” Carey also got to share how making that album gave her a chance to “rebel” and get out “what was in her head.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

This is not only a really cool thing to learn about an artist we all easily recognize, but a great reminder to always, no matter what “big” thing we’re working on in life, have something we’re doing that’s purely for ourselves—whether we have record labels to contend with or not.

By the way, you can find the full Someone’s Ugly Daughter album on YouTube and Spotify.

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Humor

Gen X mom reenacts 'coming home from school in the 80s' and it couldn't be more perfect

"This is why we turned out self sufficient, independent and successful."

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If you lived through an 80s childhood, this will send you back.

Generation X, made up of those born between 1965 and 1980, has many claims-to-fame in their younger years game. Gen X brought the world Prince and Kurt Cobain. We were The Goonies and The Breakfast Club. We took down the Berlin Wall while watching MTV.

But perhaps the most iconic thing about Gen X is our semi-feral childhoods of benign neglect. The standards of parenting and child rearing have shifted a lot in the past 40 to 50 years, as has the technological landscape that kids grow up in, so naturally, today's kids won't have the same childhoods previous generations had. But there's something particularly nostalgic about being a child of the 80s for those who lived it.


One mom nailed the experience with a video reenactment of what it was like to come home from school in the 80s.

Elizabeth Stevens (@BennettPeach on YouTube) arrives at the front door in her backpack, then pulls out a house key on a string around her neck. (Ah, the "latchkey kid" era when children were expected to come home to an empty house and let themselves in.)

Then she goes into the kitchen in her Care Bears t-shirt and finds a handwritten note—in cursive, of course—on the back of an envelope. "Working late—make your own dinner, watch your brother and the dishes better be done when I get home from bowling. – Mom"

- YouTube www.youtube.com

That's right. Mom wasn't just working late, she was also going bowling while her kids were home caring for themselves.

Then we see her washing the dishes despite barely being able to reach the faucet, even with a stool, and then her making a Gen X staple—the cinnamon-sugar and butter sandwich. On white bread, of course.

In just one minute, Stevens managed to capture the essence of so many Gen X memories, as commenters shared:

"The mom notes on an unopened bill is memories."

"Nailed it! The best thing about growing up in the '70s/'80's was being ALLOWED to grow up."

"Why this video made me almost cry?? How quiet it is inside the home. Lovely."

80s childhood, 80s, 80s nostalgia, gen x, latchkey kids, gen x nostalgia, generational differences, generational humor Wash the dishes before I get home from bowling! Photo by CDC on Unsplash

"Facts!!! No babysitter, go in the house, read the note, do the chores n not let anybody in!!!! I remember the homemade the 'cinnamon bun.'"

"70s and 80s … latch key kid here elementary, junior high and high school. we turned out self sufficient, independent and successful."

"Just so frickin on point!!! All of it from the clothes to the key on the necklace to the note. Even what you chose to do for a snack. Too good!!! The windbreaker that's memories. It's all coming back to me now lol thank you for this. You have brought a huge grin to both me and my inner child."

80s childhood, 80s, 80s nostalgia, gen x, latchkey kids, gen x nostalgia, generational differences, generational humor music video 80s GIF Giphy

"I was met with a note everyday, too. On the back of an envelope, my daily chores would be listed. If I was in trouble, I would cry as soon as I saw the note....lolol Love you momma. How I wished I could have saved those notes! They were historical treasures."

Tons of people gushed over the nostalgia of remembering those "good old days" when they were given both freedom and responsibility, with many saying kids today have no idea. One thing that might surprise the younger generations was how young the theoretical kid in this video could have been. We're not talking about young teens here—kids as young as 5 or 6 could be latchkey kids, and kids any older than that were often given responsibility for looking after younger siblings. Even official babysitting jobs could start around age 11, or sometimes even younger.

Gen X kids had learned to take care of themselves early on, which has its pros and cons. The rose-colored glasses many Gen X adults view their childhoods through can sometimes cloud the parts that were not so great about growing up in the 70s and 80s. Sure, that benign neglect resulted in resilience and independence, but for some that came at the cost of parental relationships and a sense of safety and security. We have more knowledge now about things like mental health support, parent-child attachment, and healthy relationship dynamics, and some of that learning is reflected in shifting parenting practices.

As often happens, the pendulum may have swung too far from the absent parents of the 70s and 80s to the helicopter parents of the 90s and 2000s, of course, and the "right" approach (if there is one) probably lies somewhere in the middle. But it is still fun to look back on those iconic childhood experiences with joy and humor and appreciate that they helped us become who we are today.

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.

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Women's Health

Woman has cyst removed and is shocked to learn it had teeth, hair, and maybe even an eyeball

"Can we see it? Can it see us?"

Canva Photos & E.dronism - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0

Woman lying in hospital bed

The human body is fascinating and, to this day even, full of mysteries. Did you know there's a condition called Stoneman Syndrome where a person's ligaments slowly transform into bones? Or how about Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome where a person lives their entire life on the brink of orgasm? Or how about Auto-brewery Syndrome, where a person's gut biome naturally creates alcohol out of normal foods and beverages, thereby making them intoxicated without drinking a drop of booze?

The body is capable of extraordinary and extremely bizarre things, that's for sure.

That was certainly the case when 20-year-old Savannah Stuthers went in for a relatively routine cyst removal that turned out to be anything but.


teratoma, ovarian cyst, women's health, viral TikTok, Savannah Stuthers, medical story, patient advocacy, tumor with teeth, health education, gynecology A female patient speaks with her doctorCanva

Stuthers dealt with months of cramps, pain, and even bleeding—which doctors told her was normal after having an IUD inserted—before she couldn't take it anymore and took herself to the emergency room.

There, ER docs discovered a sizable cyst on one of her ovaries. Because the cyst was so large, the OBGYN at the hospital wanted to have it removed as soon as possible. Within a few days, Stuthers went under the knife.

When she woke up from the anesthesia, the doctors had news. Her mom was there to capture the moment Stuthers heard that what was removed from her body was no normal ovarian cyst. It was a teratoma—a unique kind of tumor that grows from germ cells (cells that eventually become sperm or, in Stuthers' case, eggs). Because of their origin, teratomas frequently grow hair and even teeth, along with various kinds of tissue. The teratoma inside Stuthers' ovary had all that, and more... The surgeons even thought Stuther's teratoma may have had an eyeball! (Later testing ruled this out... close call!)

Here's the exact moment Savannah Stuthers learned what had been growing inside of her:

Savannah Struthers was horrified to learn that her cyst was actually not a cyst at all.TikTok

Stuthers posted the photo on TikTok where it went mega-viral to the tune of 34 million views. The morbid curiosity in the comment thread was absolutely off the charts. Many people had never heard of teratomas before, and most of them wish they still hadn't.

"Girl I could have went my entire life without looking up what a teratoma is," one wrote.

"I just looked at photos of teratomas and it made my arm get chills," a user added.

"it's crazy the body can actually create new eyes and teeth and THIS is what it chooses to use that ability for," said another.

Other commenters were just here to applaud the teratoma representation:

"this happened to me, they removed my ovary with the teratoma and my surgeous said it burst on her 😩 I was the first surgery of the day"

"this happened to my sister but there were brain cells in hers, causing her anti bodies to fight off both the teratoma braincells as well as her actual braincells putting her in a coma for 4 months. it was awful."

Of course, there were plenty of jokes, too:

"Why am I picturing Mike Wazoski from Monsters Inc???" one user said.

"Can we see it? ❌ Can it see us? ✅" joked another.

Mostly, people just wanted to know if they could see a picture of the actual teratoma. Stuthers did eventually show a photo briefly in a follow up video, but luckily for us, we can get a better look at these things through a plethora of high-res online images.

Ready? If you're squeamish, you might want to look away now.

teratoma, ovarian cyst, women's health, viral TikTok, Savannah Stuthers, medical story, patient advocacy, tumor with teeth, health education, gynecology A teratoma with lots and lots of hair growth.Ed Uthman, MD. - Public Domain

Stuthers was not about to let her newfound virality go to waste: She set right to work busting myths and misconceptions about teratomas.

Obviously, with 34 million viewers and many who had never heard of teratomas, she was going to get a lot of questions. She also got a lot of opinions that needed correcting.

"Those things form from sperm so tell your man to get a better pull out game or use protection," one commenter said. In a response video, Stuthers simply wags her finger: Uh, no. Teratomas form from germ cells, which can turn into sperm, but they have nothing at all to do with sexual activity.

Another asked if the teratoma formed from a pregnancy gone wrong in the early stages. "So you would've maybe had a viable pregnancy but it didn't make it down into the uterus." Stuthers responded by citing that teratomas are actually congenital tumors, meaning they are present or begin forming prior to birth. So this was lurking in her body for a long time before it reached critical mass and had to be removed, and again, has nothing to do with her sexual activity whatsoever.

(Sorry, one more photo incoming.)

teratoma, ovarian cyst, women's health, viral TikTok, Savannah Stuthers, medical story, patient advocacy, tumor with teeth, health education, gynecology An ovarian teratoma with a long strand of visible hair.E.dronism - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0

In an interview with Newsweek, Stuthers said that discovering the teratoma inside of her made her feel "gross."

"It messed me up for a while thinking about how I never knew that it was there. In a way, it made me feel gross. The photo of the tumor truly altered my brain chemistry," she said. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Teratomas, while admittedly a little freaky and frightening, are really no different than any other kind of tumor. It's their origin from germ cells which makes them capable of growing human tissue, teeth, hair, and eyeball-like structures.

But they're understandably hard to talk about. And so as a result, the general public doesn't understand teratomas very well. But Stuthers is working to change that with her follow-up videos on TikTok.

She also wants to encourage young women to advocate for themselves medically. Doctors dismissed her pain and discomfort for months before she finally went to the ER, and she's urging women to trust their gut and fight for their own bodies:

"I got lucky as we found it in time so nothing too extreme happened. But I can't help but think that if my doctors in Illinois would've listened, I would still have both ovaries. It is so important for women to express our pain and not allow doctors to invalidate us."

This article originally appeared earlier this year. It has been updated.

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Heroes

Robin Williams saw a struggling comedian bomb on stage. He knew exactly what to say to her.

One sentence turned the worst night of her life into one of the best.

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Robin Williams performs on stage.

The late, great Robin Williams once beautifully said, "I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it feels like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anybody else to feel like that."

One night at a comedy club in Los Angeles, a new, nervous stand-up comic was called to the stage by the emcee. In one hand, she casually had a beer that she propped up on the piano. In the other, was her notebook full of scribbled, half-written joke premises and a few wine stains. She did her opening joke and the response was so quiet, she could hear the ice machine crackling in the kitchen. Joke two—a slight spattering of nervous laughter. Joke three got a heartier laugh, but then it went back to deafening quiet by joke four.

She mercifully got through her final joke, and said, "That's my time" long before the red light in the back of the club even went on. She scurried off stage with her beer not unlike that rat in New York scurrying across a sidewalk carrying a piece of pizza. Panicked, embarrassed, and, frankly, a little hungry.

It was just one of those nights. The last time she'd done this act—with nearly the exact same jokes—she'd received an applause break. This time, she was left questioning every one of her life decisions. Why had she come to Los Angeles? How was the next month's rent supposed to get paid? Why had she cut her hair in the "Rachel" haircut?

As she was about to enter the hallway that led into the bar area, she could feel actual tears forming behind her eyes, like little faucets that were slowly turning on. "Don't cry at the comedy club," she told herself. Rather, "Don't cry at the comedy club AGAIN." But as the tears came anyway, she looked up and lo and behold, there was Robin Williams. She stuttered, "You. Are. One of my favorites. Ever." He looked at her, his blue eyes warmly crinkling and said, "You were amazing."

Robin Williams, heart, comedian, kindness, stand up, comedy, funny, humor, celebrities Robin Williams was as kind as he was funny. Giphy

It hadn't been true. But the fact that he would go out of his way to make this total stranger's awful night into one of her best at that time, was just the kind of person Robin was.

I know this because that woman was me.

I wanted to tell him about the Mork and Mindy poster on my wall as a kid, and how I had cut out Mindy's face and put in my third-grade class photo. I wanted to tell him how much I loved his care for animals and for the unhoused and for the less fortunate. Or that because of him, I had a weird fetish for suspenders. (The last one wasn't quite true, but I still wanted to say it.)

But instead I merely laughed and said, "Oh, thank you. But I can do better." He gave me a gentle look like, "We're all in this together," and even though I knew I'd never have a career like his, it dawned on me that it didn't matter. That being kind to others actually DID matter and that he was a lighthouse in a really stormy, pitch-black ocean.

I stuck it out and just a few years later, got to perform in the super cool and coveted "New Faces" show at the Just for Laughs Montreal Comedy Fest. Didn't kill there either, but I was able to step back and look down from an aerial view. How we uplift others, whether through laughter or kindness, is really the only control we have in this world.

Years later, after Robin passed away, I had heart surgery and was feeling down. I had read that cardiac issues could leave a person biochemically depressed and the first person I thought of was him. I messaged our mutual friend from San Francisco and asked if he remembered Robin speaking to him about heart surgery and depression. He only affirmed that yes, it was a very real side effect and that I should take it seriously.

I have always thought of the neurotransmitter Serotonin like it was a flowery perfume. Notes of honey, lavender, rose. When someone has a good amount of it floating through their synapses, it leaves trace of itself wherever it goes, as if the tunnels it burrows under pumps it out through a steam grate. But from what I've heard, Robin struggled with that too. And yet he still found a way to leave a lovely and inviting scent behind him, because he wanted to make sure OTHERS were okay.

heart, robin williams, kindness, comedians, comedy A heart shaped neon sign in the dark Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

I guess, even in his death, I was looking to Robin for answers. But one puzzle remains solved: making others happy is the kindest thing we can do, even when our own valves—whether heart or perfume pumps—fail to work.

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.

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