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Millennials are revealing their 'retirement plans' with perfectly dark humor

They're known for their self-deprecating humor and didn't disappoint.

Photo credit: Canva

Millennials. We're house poor, but humor rich.

If there’s one thing millennials are known for, it’s their self deprecating, nihilistic humor. Usually pointing to how they weren’t exactly set up for success in life, especially when it comes to being able to afford a home, pay off student loan debt, or even get a job in the field they racked up debt for in the first place.

Basically, add three parts depression and anxiety, then top it off with obscure Disney references, and you’ve got the formula down pat. So it’s no wonder that when someone online asked millennials what their “plans” were for retirement, they went dark, and fast.

Below are some of our favorites:

Obviously, there were a few jabs about never being able to retire in the first place.

millennials, retirement for millennials, 401K, roth IRA, savings plans for millennialsMake sure you've accrued enough PTO for that funeral! Photo credit: Canva

“I'm hoping to get off work in time to attend my funeral”

“Literally my retirement age will probably be 10 years after I die. My body will be used to prop open a door by the government”

“Die at my job… Ill keel over mopping one day and that will be that. My job will be filled by that afternoon.”

“I did some financial planning and determined I can retire by the time I am 97 and can live for 11 minutes on my savings.”

A few came up with some…er…creative ways to live out their golden years.

“Maybe federal prison?”

millennials, retirement for millennials, 401K, roth IRA, savings plans for millennialsI mean, threes square meals a day…Photo credit: Canva

“Gonna listen to some Portishead while I have a sand shower at the indentured service prison camp while I daydream about increased water rations.”

“I figure there are at least three big economic busts between now and then, so I’m planning to die in a nude beach bl*w j*b jet ski shootout.”

“Live longer than everyone else in the family, inherit their stuff, retire five minutes before I die.”

"Save a lot, die before retirement, will my retirement savings to my kids so they have a chance."

“Find a nice commune and go die in the woods like a house cat.”

“The cliff scene in Midsommar.”

Jumping Cliff GIFfrom Jumping GIFs

“Cats! Cats Cats Cats Cats Cats Cats Cats”

And then, there was perhaps the most millennial response of all:

“I try not to have dreams.”

And, arguably, this gallows humor is justified, considering that, compared to both older Gen Xers/Boomers and young Gen Zers, prospects don’t generally look as promising. There are many reasons for this, including shift away from pensions toward 401(k) plans and high student debt burdens.

Still, there are reasons for millennials to be optimistic. Many employers automatically offer a matching contribution to a 401K plan. Alternatively, those without 401 K plans can set aside funds through an IRA (even $10-$20 a month can make a difference).

In fact, one savvy millennial in the above thread seems to have that strategy down:

“Maxing out my Roth IRA, nearly maxing my company's traditional 401k. Should be all good by 60 then I can do whatever I want. SS would be a nice bonus, but I'm not counting on it.”

millennials, retirement for millennials, 401K, roth IRA, savings plans for millennialsSaving, like any other skill, can be learned. Photo credit: Canva

There’s also something to be said about gaining extra income with a side hustle…though you’d be hard pressed to meet a millennial without 17 of those.

Bottom line: millennials can joke all we want, but 20-30 years can go by in the blink of an eye. We might not be equipped with the tools we thought we’d receive to succeed, and yes, times are scary and uncertain, but there are options out there. So throw on a nostalgic cartoon, and get to saving.

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Family

Gen X is being labeled 'Silver Squatters' for their retirement plan. Is that a fair assessment?

1 in 5 Gen Xers plan on getting help from their children to retire.

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Gen X are called retirement 'Silver Squatters.' Is that a fair assessment?

Gen X has been labeled a lot of things over the years but lately it seems as if "the forgotten generation" is suddenly on everyone's radar in recent years. Maybe it's because they're moving in to replace the Boomers as the people running the show, or maybe it has to do with younger generations confusing them for their Boomer parents.

Whatever the reason, they've been the focus of many conversations as of late but this one may just be the thing that rouses them into more than just waiving off the naysayers with a scowl. Gen Xers (1965-1980) are approaching retirement age along with the micro-generation right above them, Generation Jones (1955-1964). But it's Gen X who are getting a new label thrust upon them that many may feel carries a negative connotation.

According to Benzinga, in an article shared by Yahoo Finance, Gen X are being called "Silver Squatters" due to their lack of resources required to retire comfortably. But is that a fair assessment when looking at the world in which we all currently live?

Gen X along with many younger Generation Jonesers are part of a "sandwich generation." This means that not only are they responsible for caring for themselves and their children, many of which are still in school, they're also responsible for caring for their aging parents. In many cases this means they're taking care of two households making financial contributions to both. This is all while supposedly planning for a retirement that may never come.

a man with a white beard and mustache wearing a hat Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Running mom to doctors appointments and activities while also running your children to soccer practice and dance rehearsals doesn't leave a lot of room for sitting down with a financial planner. That's if you have money to invest in securing a financial planner. It's not uncommon in today's economy for people to have little to nothing left over from one pay check to the next.

The phrase "Silver Squatters" comes from the reality that many Gen Xers are aware they don't have the financial means to comfortably retire so plan on getting help from their children. For some this may be in the form of financial assistance while for others it may mean moving in, hence the term "squatter." But realistically, Gen X wouldn't be the first generation to need assistance from their children since clearly Gen X is currently doing the same for their own parents or they wouldn't also be labeled as the "sandwich generation."

Family Vacation Friday GIF by Fast CompanyGiphy

There's something to be said about the practicality of living in a multi-generational household though. Especially in the earlier years of a parent's retirement when they're still very active and not needing much physical assistance. A study published in SSM Population Health and published online through Science Direct, shares that living in a multi-generational home can have positive outcomes on your health, "multi-generational living arrangements can, in theory, increase psychological, social, and financial capital—factors associated with improvements in health and longevity."

a man holding a jar with a savings label on it Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

Gen Xers living with their children may also make a lot of financial sense and not just for the retiree, but for their adult children. Commerce Bank reports, "Multigenerational living often enables families to collectively contribute to mortgage payments, rent, property taxes and maintenance costs. By consolidating these expenses, individuals can allocate a smaller portion of their income to housing, freeing up funds for other essential needs and financial goals.

Pooling resources in a multigenerational household provides an opportunity to benefit from economies of scale. Buying in bulk, sharing family plans for services like internet or phone, and jointly negotiating better deals can result in lower costs per person."

woman in black jacket and white pants walking on road during daytime Photo by Wedding Dreamz on Unsplash

This type of living arrangement can also take the burden off of the adult child by sharing childcare responsibilities which could greatly reduce or eliminate exorbitant child care costs. So the "silver squatter" dilemma could actually be a mutually beneficial agreement. Nearly 25% of Gen Xers age 55 are planning to receive help from their children when they retire as the median income saved by this group sits around $50k which isn't nearly enough to comfortably retire according to Benzinga.

Retire Over It GIF by PomsGiphy

Communicating future needs with their children surrounding their ability to retire and given the list of benefits related to multi-generational living, Gen X may very well be just fine in retirement. Ironically enough, their presence in their adult child's house might make it more financially feasible for their children to be able to retire without needing the help of their own children.

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Joy

Couple retires to live on cruise ships because it's 'cheaper than a nursing home'

It's actually a lot cheaper than assisted living.

via Alonso Reyes/Unsplash

A beautiful ship crosses the ocean.

The cost of living in the United States has gone up so much in recent years that living on a cruise ship has become a reasonable idea for some retirees. When Nancy and Robert Houchens of Charlottesville, Virginia, retired, they decided to sell almost everything they had and live out their golden years hopping from cruise ship to cruise ship.

"We had a 3,000-square-foot home full of furniture...and everything we own now would fit in the back of a pickup truck," Robert told USA Today.

“We sold all of our estates except for a little condominium we have in Florida, so when we get too old to cruise, we have somewhere to live,” Nancy added. “And we did keep two vehicles, and what we kept is in half of (Robert's mother's storage unit), which is, I don't know, 10x10 or something. We just walked away from everything.”

Life on a cruise ship is stress-free for the couple because their needs are taken care of on the ship. "It's been great. I don't cook. I don't clean," Nancy told the Miami Herald.

The couple has found that living on a cruise ship isn’t as expensive as some may assume. Even though inflation has driven up the cost of travel in the U.S., it hasn’t significantly impacted the cruise industry.

“It's much cheaper than a nursing home or assisted living. It was just a good fit for us. It's a good fit for a lot of people,” Robert told the Miami Herald.

The couple plans their trips differently than someone who is going on vacation. “We look for the best deal, not the destination,” Nancy told Cruise Passenger.

The couple initially planned to spend $4,000 a month living on the ships. “Our original budget was $4,000 a month. This included gratuities. Of course, things are more expensive now, so that budget has had to increase a little. Depending on where we go, we may or may not need the internet,” she told Cruise Passenger.

“Our phone plan covers most everywhere for 25 cents a minute to call with free internet and texting,” Nancy continued. “We have an annual travel insurance plan, and one of our credit cards also has travel insurance.”

For the Houchens, living on board a cruise ship is definitely cheaper than assisted living. According to the 2020 Genworth Cost of Care Survey, the average monthly cost per person to live in assisted living in Virginia is $5,250 a month, which would cost Houchens over $10,000 a month as a couple.

Further, the roughly $4,000 the couple spends a month includes food, and they don’t have to bother paying for a car. They also try to book their cruises consecutively so they don’t waste money paying for expensive hotels when transferring between cruise lines.

Last July, the Houchens celebrated their 1,000th day sailing with Carnival Cruise Line since the 1980s, and they look forward to countless more days at sea with each other and the new friends they’ve made on their never-ending cruise.

“We cruise Carnival because of the people,” Richard told Travel Pulse. “It isn’t the destinations for us anymore, it’s the journey—and the biggest part of the journey is the people.”


This article originally appeared on 7.19.23

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Education

How much money do you need to retire? Experts answer the question and explain what went wrong.

"That also means there's quite a few people that haven't saved anything."

Photo Credit: Arthon Meekodong via Canva

Experts answer how much money you need to retire, we're behind

If you're like many middle class Millennials then you've likely resigned yourself to never being able to retire. It's a running joke amongst people entering middle-age that their retirement age is death. Meaning they've accepted that they'll likely work until they die of old age because there's no way they'll be able to put away enough money in the next 20 plus years to be able to retire.

This isn't even just a Millennial issue, it's simply more wide spread for this particular generation as wages stagnate while the cost of existing continues to skyrocket. But we've seen adolescents open up GoFundMe pages for elderly workers at their local Walmart or McDonald's who were well past the age of retirement trying to make ends meet.

Millennials have been told since they were in middle school that social security would likely not be around when they were old enough to retire. But how did it come to this and exactly how much do you need in order to retire?

Vox conducted an interview with a couple of financial experts and people who would be considered middle class. The video opens up with Teresa Ghilarducci, a labor economist, that gives some staggering figures if you're one of those Americans already feeling behind on retirement.

"If you want to maintain your living standards that you have now or you'll have throughout your life, in the American system by the time you're 30 you should have about one times your current salary. By the time you're 40 you should have about two and a half or three times your salary. In your 60s you should have eight to ten times your annual salary," Ghilarducci reveals to Vox.

Those numbers seem unrealistic, even to the expert interviewed when looking at today's economy. She later explains why retirement is becoming an unachievable dream for many working Americans.

"The reason why a coal miner and a lawyer could expect to retire is because of the design of our pension system, which we don't have anymore. Your employer would put money aside for your retirement and that money couldn't be accessed by you. So the dollar that the employer put in on your behalf was put into a big pool of money and it was professionally invested and at the end of your working life, that money would be translated into a lifetime benefit."

According to both of the financial experts interviewed, the laws changed about 40 years ago switching things over to more of the system we recognize today. The entire video is extremely eye opening. Check it out below.

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