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Joy

Comedian's 'English lessons' highlight the absurdity of English spelling and pronunciation

Nothing but sympathy for anyone trying to learn English as a second language.

Courtesy of Bobby Finn/Instagram

English makes no sense.

If you've ever tried to learn another language, you know what a daunting task it is to grasp different grammar, syntax, pronunciation and spelling rules, in addition to the exceptions to those rules. Other than something like Esperanto, the thousands of languages humans speak weren't purposefully invented, but evolved over millennia, which means the structures of them don't always make perfect, logical sense.

The English language is a perfect example.

English spelling and pronunciation are just utterly chaotic.

Despite being one of the most taught languages in the world, English is notoriously difficult to learn. So much of it is simply nonsensical, and there are so many exceptions to the rules it sometimes feels like there's no point to even having the rules. This is especially true when it comes to the way combinations of letters are pronounced differently in different words.

Comedian Bobby Finn highlights the absurdity of English spelling and pronunciation in his "English Class" videos, which showcase how futile it is to try to logic your way through learning the language.

For instance:

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Finn's "You don't see how?" and "Why would you think?" are the perfect tongue-in-cheek responses to the confusion on the student's face when none of the logical conclusions he lays out add up.

And it just keeps going…

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And he didn't even get to how "read and "read" and "tear" and "tear" and "lead" and "lead" are different pairs of words spelled the same but pronounced differently and with a different meaning.

Clearly the "ea" diphthong is an issue, but it's certainly not the only one. There is a seemingly endless list of English letter combos that combine in head-scratching ways as if they were purposefully designed to confuse and confound.

We've all been down the dreaded "ough" road, right? Imagine trying to learn this stuff as a second-language learner.

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Teaching English requires either major gaslighting or admitting it's non-sensical

"Nooooo. Why would you think?" and "Remember what I said earlier." Hoo boy, you really can't teach English without either gaslighting the dickens out of students or just admitting that there's no rhyme or reason to anything. People who teach English and those who have had to learn it shared their delight at him nailing the assault on the brain that is English language learning.

"As an English major, former English instructor, and current supervisor of English, I vehemently agree that English makes no sense! 😂"

"The more of these videos i see, the more amazed i am that i actually learned English 😂."

"Oh man I’m reliving the trauma of my younger self learning English as a second language. 😆"

"OMG flashbacks of being in that seat having to answer the ESL teacher’s questions and all variations playing in my head knowing that there is no way I am going to guess the right one. Lol 🤣"

"I feel so awful for anyone that has to learn English as a second language. It’s chaotic."

"As a native English speaker, I apologise to everyone learning English for the chaos that it is. 🤣"

"As a teacher with lots of ESL students, when they ask 'how,' I just apologize. 😂"

"I love that there is no REAL explanation from teacher about why he is getting it wrong. Just the wonderful “NO” coupled with the wonderfully condescending repetition of the proper sounds. 😂💀👌🏼"

via GIPHY

Why do so many people learn English if it's so hard?

English may be somewhat ridiculous, but it has become an increasingly important one to learn. It's an official language in 75 countries (39% of countries in the world) and is one of the six official languages of the United Nations. More than half of the world's scientific and technical periodicals are published in English and English has long been the language of international business.

In the absence of a truly universal language, English is arguably becoming a default common language. It's not unusual to travel to different countries and see signs in the country's language and in English. Even within the European Union, people from countries that speak different languages natively often find common ground in their basic command of English, which the most widely understood language in the EU.

As of now, somewhere between 15% and 20% of people on Earth speak English either as a primary or secondary language. Unless we get moving on choosing a more appropriate auxiliary language for everyone to learn in addition to their native language, it looks like English is a wise–even if frustrating—language to learn.

You can follow Bobby Finn on Instagram for more comedy.

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Joy

German toddler schools his dad on driving—and the rest of us on the origins of English

A hilarious viral video demonstrates why English is considered a Germanic language.

Photo by Helena Jankovičová Kováčová/Pexels

Out of the mouths of babes…

Tiny humans talking is cute in any language, but sometimes a video comes along that take adorable to a whole new level. Remember the little girl who was passionate about pencil justice? Or the Italian preschooler who did a full Italian rant about a miniskirt? Kids say the darnedest things, and when the darned things they say are caught on video, virality almost inevitable.

Now there's the German toddler who sternly gives his father a road rules lesson, literally side-seat driving and chastising him for accelerating too fast. His "Oh, mein Gott!" has people rolling, as does his ingrained respect for the rules of proper driving.

Watch:

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Not only is the video a hilarious viral moment on its own merit, but it's also a pretty solid demonstration of how the English language originated.

English is considered a Germanic language, which is sometimes confusing because most of the words we use don't actually come from German. Some people mistakenly think English is a romance language like Spanish or French, but it's not. More than half of our vocabulary comes from French and Latin, though, hence a lot of the confusion.

Around a quarter of our vocabulary comes from German, but where our Germanic roots really come through is in our grammar and syntax. The order in which we say words is the same, such as putting adjectives in front of nouns (which is the opposite of romance languages). And our grammatical structure is very similar, with only a handful of somewhat minor differences.

As we see in the video, the German sentences are almost understandable without even having the translations on the screen. In the beginning, it almost sounds exactly like he's saying "Wait! Stop! Halt!" just with a German accent, even though he's actually speaking German. "Papa, da ist rot!" is so close to "Papa, that is red!" And "Oh, mein Gott!" is very clearly, "Oh, my God!" which is part of why English-speakers are finding the video so entertaining and also educational.

Check out these comments:

"We need an entire channel with this kid teaching us to speak German."

"Need my GPS to go 'aaaah! Mein gott, das ist zu viel' when I go over the speed limit."

"I just learned so much German.. this baby is more effective than Duolingo lol."

"MY German instructor. I'd so learn how to speak German from this baby 😭💕 I just learned like 5 words already!"

"How is it I can't understand toddlers that speak English but I can understand a German toddler without even knowing the language 😂"

"Americans are so much more used to hearing Spanish and French that we forget that our own language has nothing to do with them, and is actually much more closely related to what this little boy is saying. That's why it sounds so familiar to American ear ! :-)"

People also joked about his adult-like adherence to rules and regulations, as the German culture is known for such things.

"He's between 3 and 75 years old."

"This ain't kids first life on earth."

"Did he learn that somewhere or is that factory settings?"

"Lil bro has a decent credit score already and he isn't even fully out of the diaper stage of his life😂"

"That’s not a kid, that’s a full grown driving instructor 🤣🤣"

Thanks to the wee German lad for the fabulous driving and language lesson.

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Pop Culture

Video shows what rap music sounds like to non-English speakers

The accuracy of the gibberish is uncanny.

Photo by Andrew Gaines on Unsplash

Rapping rapid-fire rhymes sounds like gibberish to people who don't speak English.

Listening to someone speak a language you don't know can be a trippy experience. You can glean a bit from someone's tone of voice and maybe pick out a few words here and there, but otherwise the sounds that are coming out of their mouth are meaningless. And yet, most of us are able to figure out what language someone is speaking if we're even just a little bit familiar with it. We know what Spanish and French and Chinese sound like, and could easily differentiate between people speaking those languages even we barely even know any words in those languages.

But what about someone rapid-fire rhyming? If you've ever wondered what English rapping sounds like to non-English speakers, have we got a treat for you.

Italian singer Adriano Celentano proved with his 1972 pop song, "Prisencolinensinainciusol," that you don't have to sing in English to sound like you are. And now, YouTube creator and comedic musician Daniel Thrasher has done the same thing, only with rap music.

The song is called "IGOWALLAH (ft. Hoodie Guy)" and according to people in the comments who have experienced learning English, it's spot on—right down to being able to pick out a few actual words here and there.

Watch:

He even listed all of the lyrics in the caption of the YouTube video. It's even a real song on Spotify—and the lyrics are listed there, too.

Imagine having to learn lyrics like this:

Menku. Slemper with flango bajeegin. When you firspepple on a reemstrap, dredju mether wanna gubby?

Many of the more than 34,000 comments on the video confirmed that he nailed it.

"The 'okays' being understandable is incredibly real considering okay is a pretty much universal word. Just goes to show the attention to detail."

"As a non native English speaker this speaks to my childhood. Never thought I'd hear this language ever again but here we are."

"I showed this to my non English speaking aunt and she said, "you know I don't speak English, why are you asking me what they are saying?"

"Being able to say not actual words, but actually able to make it sound like it isn’t just slurred together, takes actual skill."

"It’s actually impressive how well this man can speak gibberish."

"As a non-English speaker, I can confirm that this is exactly what rap sounds like."

"The fact that he randomly sings in Spanish just once makes it so much more accurate."

Other people really liked the song itself.

"This song is proof that even when the lyrics are Gibberish, a catchy beat makes all the difference."

"I’m not sure why but every few days I come back to this video for no apparent reason it’s weirdly a good song."

"This is how you know someone puts effort into their videos, they literally rehearsed this, actually memorised the lyrics, dude did everything that it takes to make a real song and he proudly did so. 100/10 music artist dude here."

"Why does this hit SO HARD."

If this is your first introduction to Daniel Thrasher, you've got a whole world of incredibly impressive musical comedy to discover. You can find him on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram.

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Identity

Language expert shares what English sounds like to people who don't speak it

You feel like you should understand him but can't.

via Sander Sammy/Unsplash and Ospan Ali/Unsplash

People are really cofused by this strange language.

For English speakers, it can feel impossible to conceive of what the language sounds like to those who don’t speak it. So, to give people an idea of how it’s heard by foreign ears, LanguageSimp, a hyperpolyglot, created a video on TikTok to simulate the experience of what English sounds like to non-speakers.

(A hyperpolyglot is someone who speaks multiple languages.)

The fake Ensligh spoken by LangugeSimp comprises a few English words in non-sensical patterns mixed with familiar sounds that are commonly heard in the language. The strange version of English being spoken sounds a lot like Simlish, the language used by characters in The Sims franchise.

"I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again... He out here speaking in Simlish," Michael Romanazzi wrote in the comments. People with keen ears may notice LanguageSimp uttering a strange phrase: “You’re literally dog water.”

Ever wondered what it’s like to not understand English?

@languagesimp
Ever wondered what it’s like to not understand English? #english #languages #language #linguistics #USA #polyglot

The video is fun because it gives English-speaking people a unique perspective on their mother tongue. Hopefully, it also makes people a bit more empathetic towards those trying to learn the language.

"It sounds like I should be able to understand, but when I try it makes no sense," DoggoDraagon commented.

The video brought back memories for many who have had to learn English as a second language.

"That’s how it sounded when I first moved to America; no wonder I can’t remember what they were saying to me," Julio added. "As someone who grew up speaking only Spanish in Spain, learning English and understanding it was hard as hell," Mimi commented.

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Videos

The surprisingly interesting history behind the phrase 'dead as a doornail'

Malcolm P.L./YouTube

A doornail really is deader than a regular nail.

"Old Marley was as dead as a doornail."

Charles Dickens' line from "A Christmas Carol" is probably the most famous example of the phrase "dead as a doornail," but it's certainly not the only one. Shakespeare used it in Henry IV Part 2: "Look on me well: I have eat no meat these five days; yet, come thou and thy five men, and if I do not leave you all as dead as a doornail, I pray God I may never eat grass more." An unnamed poet used the idiom for the first time in print in a poem published in 1350, but it's still not uncommon to hear it used today.

"Dead as a doornail" obviously means dead, deceased, definitively not alive. But why a doornail and not just a nail? All nails are dead by their nature of being metal, right? So why even use a nail at all? Why not "dead as a door" or "dead as a rock"? Those are dead, too. What makes a doornail specifically deader than other dead things?

There's a surprisingly interesting answer to that question. As it turns out there really is a good reason for specifying a doornail to convey being really, truly dead.

YouTube creator Malcolm P.L., who mostly makes videos about the history of armor, shared an explanation as well as a demonstration of what a doornail actually is:

So it turns out that a doornail isn't just a nail in a door, but a nail that cannot be removed and reused. Way back when, nails were made by hand and quite valuable. People would salvage and repurpose nails whenever they could. The way doornails were bent and driven into the backside of a door made it virtually impossible for them to be reused as a nail.

So not only are doornails dead simply because they're nails, but because their future potential for any other use is also dead. They are doubly dead, if you will. Extra deceased.

How many other idioms do we commonly use without knowing their full origins? Let the cat out of the bag? The whole nine yards? Spill the beans? Get someone's goat?

Language is so fascinating. Time to do some Googling.

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14 awesome words we don't have in the English language but that we definitely need

Photo by Thomas Park on Unsplash, Rose Pereira/Twitter

Do you ever notice that there is beauty to be found in the imperfections of life? That the changes that come with the natural process of growth and decay are something that we should embrace, or even celebrate, instead of fight?

The Japanese have a term for that idea—wabi sabi. A concept that takes a couple dozen words to explain English is summed up in just four syllables in Japanese.

The diversity of human languages can be fun to explore, especially when you come across words or phrases that don't translate directly or that take far more words to describe in your own tongue. There are some things that are named in other languages that we just don't have words for in English.

For instance, here are 14 awesome words that would come in super handy sometimes.

(Note: pronunciations are using English phonetics, which don't perfectly reflect the way they sound in the original languages.)

Arbejdsglæde (Danish)

Pronounced [ah-bites-gleh-the]

The satisfaction, fulfillment, or happiness you get from a job that you love. Literally and simply "job joy" (though no one ever seems to use that phrase in the U.S.).

Backpfeifengesicht (German)

Pronounced [back-fifen-ge-zisht]

A person whose face is just begging to be slapped really hard. Such a useful term.

Cafuné (Brazilian Portuguese)

Pronounced [KAH-foo-neh]

The act of tenderly running your fingers through a loved one's hair. Awww.

Fernweh (German)

(pronounced "feirn-vey")

Literally means "far sick." Homesickness for a place you've never been before. A deeper feeling than simple wanderlust.

Fisselig (German)

Pronounced [fi-sel-ig]

Being flustered to the point of being unable to function. Been there.

Fuubutsushi (Japanese)

Pronounced [foo-boot-soo-shee]

Something—a feeling, scent, or image—that reminds you of or makes you yearn for a particular season. (Pumpkin spice, for example.)

Gezelligheid (Dutch)

Pronounced [ge-zel-lig-hide]

That warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you're hanging out with friends or family whose company you truly enjoy. Something we all missed during lockdowns.

Hyppytyynytyydytys (Finnish)

Pronounced [hyp-ya-teyrna-teyrna-dish]

Seriously the best word ever with the best meaning ever. It means the pleasure and satisfaction you get from sitting on a bouncy cushion. Ha!

Iktsuarpok (Inuit)

Pronounced [Ikt-soo-ar-poke]

The feeling of anticipation when you're waiting for someone to arrive and keep checking the door to see if they're there. A universal phenomenon.

Jijivisha (Hindi)

Pronounced [ji-ji-vi-sha]

The intense desire to live life to its fullest, to continuously live in the highest state of being. Nice.

I learned a new German word recently. Kummerspeck, meaning the excess fat you gain from emotional overeating. It translates literally (and perfectly) to 'GRIEF BACON' and if that doesn't accurately describe the last year then I don't know what.
— Rose Pereira (@Rose Pereira) 1622040746

Kummerspeck (German)

Pronounced [koo-mer--speck]

The weight you gain from emotional overeating. Literally—and fittingly—translates as "grief bacon."

Meraki (Greek)

Pronounced [murr-ahh-key]

Pouring yourself so wholeheartedly into something with soul, creativity, or love that you leave a piece of yourself in your work.

Shemomedjamo (Georgian)

Pronounced [sheh–mo–med–JAH–mo]

That feeling when a food tastes so good you can't stop eating it. Literally translates to "I accidentally ate the whole thing." Perfect.

Tsundoku (Japanese)

Pronounced [Tsoon-doh-koo]

Buying a bunch of books or other reading material and letting them pile up, unread. Now I just feel like Japan is spying on me.

There are countless words like this in various languages around the world, terms that don't simply translate over into English without a whole explanation. But some might be surprised to find that we have words for things in English that we simply don't use all that often. For example, did you know there's a word for that amazing smell that accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather? It's called petrichor. There's also a word for the appealing, wistful mysteriousness of old bookshops—vellichor.

Or how about ultracrepidarian—a person who expresses opinions on matters outside the scope of their knowledge or expertise? We could have used that term about a hundred thousand times this year.

While we're adding these cool foreign words to our lexicon, maybe we should dig a little deeper into English to find words we didn't even know existed. (Then perhaps we can get to work choosing a universal language we can all learn along with our native tongues so we can easily communicate with each other everywhere we go while still retaining our beautiful cultural expressions. Wouldn't that make life on Earth so much easier?)

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In a press conference Aug. 2, President Trump announced his support for a new immigration system that would "favor applicants who speak English."

Photo by Jim Watson/Getty Images.

And not a moment too soon.

It's high time foreigners stop coming here with their funny accents, broken sentences, and inability to read the complete works of Marcel Proust, mucking things up for the rest of us.

Naysayers, of course, will note that — regardless of their English skills — immigrants are notstealing American jobs; they're simply doing different ones. And that they commit crime at lower rates than native born Americans. And that Proust is French.

But, really, that's all besides Trump's point, which is that this is America. We speak English, and damn it, we speak English in America.

"But what," the naysayers may continue naysaying, "about all the myriad diverse, essential contributions from non-native-English-speaking immigrants to our national economy, culture, and idea throughout history that have shaped and continue to shape our way of life?"

Simple.

Don't need 'em!

1. Who really needs to Google anything ever?

Douchey glasses aside, Google co-founder Sergey Brin was born in Russia, speaking Russian. Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images.

2. Or look anything up on Yahoo. Who needs web search these days?

[rebelmouse-image 19474051 dam="1" original_size="700x467" caption="Jerry Yang reportedly only knew one word of English when he moved to the U.S. in 1968. Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images." expand=1]Jerry Yang reportedly only knew one word of English when he moved to the U.S. in 1968. Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images.

3. The Pulitzer Prize? Named after a German-speaking immigrant? No big. Don't need an award for fake news anyway.

[rebelmouse-image 19474052 dam="1" original_size="700x899" caption="Lookin' at you, Joey Pulitzer. Photo via Hulton Archive/Getty Images." expand=1]Lookin' at you, Joey Pulitzer. Photo via Hulton Archive/Getty Images.

4. Speaking of German-speaking immigrants, we could also take or leave the atomic bomb, to be honest.

I'm sure everything would have been fine if pioneering nuclear physicist Albert Einstein had stayed in Germany. Photo via Hulton Archive/Getty Images.

5. And blue jeans.

[rebelmouse-image 19474054 dam="1" original_size="700x502" caption="Levi Strauss spoke German and invented America's pant. Photo by Mike Mozart/Flickr." expand=1]Levi Strauss spoke German and invented America's pant. Photo by Mike Mozart/Flickr.

6. Definitely wouldn't be too tragic to lose the entire English-language filmography of Antonio Banderas.

[rebelmouse-image 19474055 dam="1" original_size="700x898" caption="Banderas learned his lines phonetically when starting out in Hollywood. Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images." expand=1]Banderas learned his lines phonetically when starting out in Hollywood. Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images.

7. Or "That 70s Show," "Family Guy," and all those weirdly sensual Jim Beam commercials.

[rebelmouse-image 19474056 dam="1" original_size="700x428" caption="Mila Kunis moved to the U.S. from Ukraine and learned English during her first year in school. Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images." expand=1]Mila Kunis moved to the U.S. from Ukraine and learned English during her first year in school. Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.

8. And we could easily do with out all 137 Terminator movies — and eight years of oversight for our largest state economy — too.

[rebelmouse-image 19474057 dam="1" original_size="700x575" caption="Arnold Schwarzenegger and his Austrian musculature spoke only "a little English" when they arrived here in 1968. Photo by AFP/Getty Images." expand=1]Arnold Schwarzenegger and his Austrian musculature spoke only "a little English" when they arrived here in 1968. Photo by AFP/Getty Images.

9. "God Bless America" is really an overrated song that we don't need.

[rebelmouse-image 19474058 dam="1" original_size="700x535" caption="Russian-born Irving Berlin also wrote "White Christmas," which is also overrated. Photo by Henry Guttmann/Getty Images." expand=1]Russian-born Irving Berlin also wrote "White Christmas," which is also overrated. Photo by Henry Guttmann/Getty Images.

10. Come to think of it, so is "Jump."

Eddie Van Halen is Dutch! Who knew? Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images.

11. And Budweiser beer isn't iconically American at all (regardless of how it tastes).

[rebelmouse-image 19474060 dam="1" original_size="700x525" caption="That goopy Super Bowl ad was right about Adolphus Busch trudging from Germany to the U.S. to invent the world's most medium beer. Photo by Dorisall/Wikimedia Commons." expand=1]That goopy Super Bowl ad was right about Adolphus Busch trudging from Germany to the U.S. to invent the world's most medium beer. Photo by Dorisall/Wikimedia Commons.

12. A combined 3,060 singles, doubles, triples, and home runs over 16 years playing America's pastime? Take it or leave it.

[rebelmouse-image 19474061 dam="1" original_size="700x585" caption="Ichiro Suzuki only studied English through middle school in Japan, and learned to speak fluently once he arrived in the U.S. Photo by Otto Greule Jr./Getty Images." expand=1]Ichiro Suzuki only studied English through middle school in Japan, and learned to speak fluently once he arrived in the U.S. Photo by Otto Greule Jr./Getty Images.

13. The most devastating cut-fastball in the Major League history? That stays in Panama, and really, who cares?

[rebelmouse-image 19474062 dam="1" original_size="700x481" caption="Mariano Rivera didn't speak a word of English and had never flown before coming to pitch for the Yankees in 1990. Photo by Jeff Carlick/Getty Images." expand=1]Mariano Rivera didn't speak a word of English and had never flown before coming to pitch for the Yankees in 1990. Photo by Jeff Carlick/Getty Images.

14. No one, that's who. Nor should anyone care about 608 gloriously struck home runs.

[rebelmouse-image 19474063 dam="1" original_size="700x463" caption="Albert Pujols moved to the U.S. from the Dominican Republic when he was 16 and learned English in high school. Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images." expand=1]Albert Pujols moved to the U.S. from the Dominican Republic when he was 16 and learned English in high school. Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images.

15. Come to think of it, the accomplishments of, like, 30% of all baseball players and the countless hours of bonding opportunities for parents and kids from Pacific Northwest to Miami they provide are just not that essential, honestly.

David Ortiz, Masahiro Tanaka, and Yasiel Puig repping Boston, New York and L.A. Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images; Stephen Lam/Getty Images; Harry How/Getty Images.

16. Nor is this suspiciously low-effort dunk.

17. Nor, really, are lettuce, tomatoes, oranges, garlic, apples, lemons, cherries, corn, peaches, broccoli, plums, Swiss chard, watermelons, scallions, cranberries, parsley, and nectarines essential to our lives.

[rebelmouse-image 19474066 dam="1" original_size="700x467" caption="According to a Pew Research Center study, over 40% of farm workers in some states are undocumented. Estimates peg the total share of foreign-born farm workers between 70% and 90%. Photo by David McNew/Getty Images." expand=1]According to a Pew Research Center study, over 40% of farm workers in some states are undocumented. Estimates peg the total share of foreign-born farm workers between 70% and 90%. Photo by David McNew/Getty Images.

18. Or railroads that carry freight and Amish people across the country.

[rebelmouse-image 19474067 dam="1" original_size="700x468" caption="Thousands of Chinese immigrant laborers helped build America's rail network. Photo by Loco Steve/Flickr." expand=1]Thousands of Chinese immigrant laborers helped build America's rail network. Photo by Loco Steve/Flickr.

19. Or pastrami sandwiches.

Thanks, Yiddish-speakers! Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images.

20. Or chicken parmesan.

[rebelmouse-image 19474069 dam="1" original_size="700x464" caption="Thanks, Neopolitan-speakers! Photo by jeffreyw/Flickr." expand=1]Thanks, Neopolitan-speakers! Photo by jeffreyw/Flickr.

21. Or P.F. Chang's ... and much of modern Chinese cuisine.

[rebelmouse-image 19474070 dam="1" original_size="700x562" caption="Cecilia Chang "spoke little English" when she immigrated to San Francisco in the '60s. She went on to introduce Americans to a variety of classic Chinese dishes. Her son Philip co-founded P.F. Chang's in 1993. Photo by M.O. Stevens/Wikimedia Commons." expand=1]Cecilia Chang "spoke little English" when she immigrated to San Francisco in the '60s. She went on to introduce Americans to a variety of classic Chinese dishes. Her son Philip co-founded P.F. Chang's in 1993. Photo by M.O. Stevens/Wikimedia Commons.

22. Or nearly a quarter of the soldiers who fought to end slavery and establish the modern United States.

Immigrants speaking weird languages helped save the union. Photo via Library of Congress/Getty Images.

23. Or the military strategy that helped us win our independence in the first place.

Pictured: French General and noted code word Rochambeau and Marquis de Lafayette, Lancelot of the revolutionary set. Photo via Hulton Archive.

As the Founders said 261 years ago on that fateful July day in Independence Hall: "Meh, being British wouldn't be so bad!"

Non-native English speakers have been propping up, improving, and straight-up saving this country since (actual) day one.

The language you speak when you land in a new country doesn't predict how valuable an American you can be, and never did.

Immigrants, whether they can recite "The Wanderings of Oisin" from memory or can't read a children's book, are the lifeblood of this country.

Instead of slamming the door in their face, we should be thanking them for what they gave us.

Including America.

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German residents buy up all of town's beer before white supremacists arrive for 'Shield and Sword Festival.' - Upworthy ›