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Lessons we should have learned from the liberation of Auschwitz and other Nazi camps

It's been more than 75 years since the last prisoners were freed from Auschwitz. The farther we get from that chapter, the more important it is to focus on the lessons it taught us, lest we ignore the signs of history repeating itself.

Lessons we should have learned from the liberation of Auschwitz and other Nazi camps

From 1940 to 1945, an estimated 1.3 million people were deported to Auschwitz, the largest complex of Nazi concentration camps. More than four out of five of those people—at least 1.1 million people—were murdered there.

On January 27, 1945, Soviet forces liberated the final prisoners from these camps—7,000 people, most of whom were sick or dying. Those of us with a decent public education are familiar with at least a few names of Nazi extermination facilities—Auschwitz, Dachau, Bergen-Belsen—but these are merely a few of the thousands (yes, thousands) of concentration camps, sub camps, and ghettos spread across Europe where Jews and other targets of Hitler's regime were persecuted, tortured, and killed by the millions.


The scale of the atrocity is unfathomable. Like slavery, the Holocaust is a piece of history where the more you learn the more horrifying it becomes. The inhumane depravity of the perpetrators and the gut-wrenching suffering of the victims defies description. It almost becomes too much for the mind and heart to take in, but it's vital that we push through that resistance.

The liberation of the Nazi camps marked the end of Hitler's attempt at ethnic cleansing, and the beginning of humanity's awareness about how such a heinous chapter in human history took place. The farther we get from that chapter, the more important it is to focus on the lessons it taught us, lest we ignore the signs of history repeating itself.

Lesson 1: Unspeakable evil can be institutionalized on a massive scale

Perhaps the most jarring thing about the Holocaust is how systematized it was. We're not talking about humans slaying other humans in a fit of rage or a small number of twisted individuals torturing people in a basement someplace—this was a structured, calculated, disciplined, and meticulously planned and carried out effort to exterminate masses of people. The Nazi regime built a well-oiled killing machine the size of half a continent, and it worked exactly as intended. We often cite the number of people killed, but the number of people who partook in the systematic torture and destruction of millions of people is just as harrowing.

It has now come out that Allied forces knew about the mass killing of Jews as early as 1942—three years before the end of the war. And obviously, there were reports from individuals of what was happening from the very beginning. People often ask why more wasn't done earlier on if people knew, and there are undoubtedly political reasons for that. But we also have the benefit of hindsight in asking that question. I can imagine most people simply disbelieving what was actually taking place because it sounds so utterly unbelievable.

The lesson here is that we have to question our tendency to disbelieve things that sound too horrible to be true. We have evidence that the worst things imaginable on a scale that seems unfathomable are totally plausible.

Lesson 2: Atrocity can happen right under our noses as we go about our daily lives

One thing that struck me as I was reading about the liberation of Auschwitz is that it was a mere 37 miles from Krakow, one of the largest cities in Poland. This camp where an average of 500 people a day were killed, where bodies were piled up like corded wood, where men, women, and children were herded into gas chambers—and it was not that far from a major population center.

And that was just one set of camps. We now know that there were thousands of locations where the Nazis carried out their "final solution," and it's not like they always did it way out in the middle of nowhere. A New York Times report on how many more camps there were than scholars originally thought describes what was happening to Jews and marginalized people as the average person went about their daily lives:

"The documented camps include not only 'killing centers' but also thousands of forced labor camps, where prisoners manufactured war supplies; prisoner-of-war camps; sites euphemistically named 'care' centers, where pregnant women were forced to have abortions or their babies were killed after birth; and brothels, where women were coerced into having sex with German military personnel."

Whether or not the average person knew the full extent of what was happening is unclear. But surely there were reports. And we know how the average person responds to reports, even today in our own country.

How many news stories have we seen of abuses and inhumane conditions inside U.S. immigrant detention camps? What is our reaction when the United Nations human rights chief visits our detention facilities and comes away "appalled"? It's a natural tendency to assume things simply can't be that bad—that's undoubtedly what millions of Germans thought as well when stories leaked through the propaganda.

Lesson 3: Propaganda works incredibly well

Propaganda has always been a part of governance, as leaders try to sway the general populace to support whatever they are doing. But the Nazis perfected the art and science of propaganda, shamelessly playing on people's prejudices and fears and flooding the public with mountains of it.

Hermann Goering, one of Hitler's top political and military figures, explained in an interview late in his life that such manipulation of the masses isn't even that hard.

"The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders," he said. "That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

Terrifyingly true, isn't it? This is why we have to stay vigilant in the face of fear-mongering rhetoric coming from our leaders. When an entire religion or nationality or ethnic group is painted as "dangerous" or "criminal" or "terrorists," we have to recognize that we are being exposed to the same propaganda used to convince Germans that the Nazis were just trying to protect them. Safety and security are powerful human desires that make it easy to justify horrible acts.

Hitler was also great at playing the victim. While marching through Europe, conquering countries and rounding up millions of innocent people to exterminate, he claimed that Germany was the one under attack. Blatant anti-Semitic rhetoric surely fired up Hitler's core supporters, but the message to the average German was that this was all being done in the name of protecting the homeland, rather than a quest for a world-dominating master race.

Lesson 4: Most of us are in greater danger of committing a holocaust than being a victim of one

I had to pause when this realization hit me one day. As fairly average white American, I am in the majority in my country. And as strange as it is to say, that means I have more in common with the Germans who either committed heinous acts or capitulated to the Nazis than I do with the Jews and other targets of the Nazi party. That isn't to say that I would easily go along with mass genocide, but who's to say that I could fully resist the combination of systematic dehumanization, propaganda, and terrorism that led to the Holocaust? We all like to think we'd be the brave heroes hiding the Anne Franks of the world in our secret cupboards, but the truth is we don't really know what we would have done.

Check out what this Army Captain who helped liberate a Nazi camp said about his bafflement at what the Germans, "a cultured people" allowed to happen:

"I had studied German literature while an undergraduate at Harvard College. I knew about the culture of the German people and I could not, could not really believe that this was happening in this day and age; that in the twentieth century a cultured people like the Germans would undertake something like this. It was just beyond our imagination... Captain (Dr.) Philip Leif - 3rd Auxiliary Surgical Group, First Army

Some say that we can gauge what we would have done by examining what we're doing right now, and perhaps they are right. Are we speaking out against our government's cruel family separations that traumatize innocent children? Do we justify travel bans from entire countries because we trust that it's simply our leadership trying to keep us safe? Do we buy into the "Muslims are terrorists" and "undocumented immigrants are criminals" rhetoric?

While it's wise to be wary of comparing current events to the Holocaust, it's also wise to recognize that the Holocaust didn't start with gas chambers. It started with "othering," scapegoating, and fear-mongering. We have to be watchful not only for signs of atrocity, but for the signs leading up to it.

Lesson 5: Teaching full and accurate history matters

There are people who deny that the Holocaust even happened, which is mind-boggling. But there are far more people who are ignorant to the true horrors of it. Reading first-hand accounts of both the people who survived the camps and those who liberated them is perhaps the best way to begin to grasp the scope of what happened.

One small example is Supreme Allied Commander Dwight D. Eisenhower's attempt to describe what he saw when he visited Ohrdruf, a sub-camp of Buchenwald:

"The things I saw beggar description. While I was touring the camp I encountered three men who had been inmates and by one ruse or another had made their escape. I interviewed them through an interpreter. The visual evidence and the verbal testimony of starvation, cruelty and bestiality were so overpowering as to leave me a bit sick. In one room, where they were piled up twenty or thirty naked men, killed by starvation, George Patton would not even enter. He said that he would get sick if he did so. I made the visit deliberately, in order to be in a position to give first-hand evidence of these things if ever, in the future, there develops a tendency to charge these allegations merely to 'propaganda.'"

And of course, the most important narratives to read and try to digest are the accounts of those who survived the camps. Today, 200 survivors of Auschwitz gathered to commemorate the 75th anniversary of its liberation. They warned about the rise in anti-Semitism in the world and how we must not let prejudice and hatred fester. Imagine having to make such a warning seven decades after watching family and friends being slaughtered in front of you.

Let's use this anniversary as an opportunity to dive deeper into what circumstances and environment enabled millions of people to be killed by one country's leadership. Let's learn the lessons the Holocaust has to teach us about human nature and our place in the creation of history. And let's make darn sure we do everything in our power to fend off the forces that threaten to lead us down a similarly perilous path.


This article originally appeared on 01.27.20

Courtesy of Riyadh Khalaf/Instagram (used with permission)
When Riyadh found an egg, he had no idea how much it would change his life.

When we come across something that's wrong or amiss, we often have a choice. Leave it for someone else to deal with, or do the right thing. Taking action is hard, but it's a risk that can have absolutely beautiful results.

The story of Riyadh and Spike starts like the opening to a children's book: "One day, a man was walking along and spotted a lone egg where an egg should not have been…" And between that beginning and the story's mostly sweet ending is a beautiful journey of curiosity, care, and connection that has captivated people all over the world.

Irish author, broadcaster, and activist Riyadh Khalaf was out walking in Devon, England, when he came upon an egg.

"We just found what we think is a duck egg," Riyadh says in a video showing the milky white egg sitting in a pile of dirt. "Just sitting here on its own. No nest. No other eggs."

duck egg on the ground, duck egg in incubator, duckling just hatched, humanity, kindness, ducks, animals, wildlife, conservation What would you do if you found a lone egg on the ground? Photo by Alexander Andrews on Unsplash

Thinking there was no way it was going to survive on its own, Riyadh put the egg in a paper cup cushioned with a napkin and took it home to London, which entailed two car rides, a hotel stay, a train ride, a tube ride, and a bus ride. He said he used to breed chickens and pigeons, so he had some experience with birds. Knowing the egg could survive for a while in a dormant state, he ordered an incubator on Amazon. An incubator keeps eggs at a particular temperature and humidity range in order to allow them to continue growing. They mimic the warmth the egg receives from the mother birding sitting on it in the nest. Without that warmth, the fetus inside the egg will die.

With the egg tucked safely inside the warm incubator, te journey to see if the egg was viable began.

Even though it was "just an egg," Riyadh quickly became attached, and once it showed signs of life he took on the role of "duck dad."

Every day, the egg showed a drastic change in development. The incubator was working, and Riyadh's giddy joy at each new discovery—movement, a discernible eye, a beak outline—was palpable. He devoured information on ducks to learn as much as he could about the baby he was (hopefully) about to hatch and care for.


Finally, 28 days later, the shell of the egg began to crack. The baby was coming!

"I could see this very clear outline of the most gorgeous little round bill," Riyadh said—confirmation that it was, indeed, a duck as he had suspected. But duckling hatching is a process, and one they have to do it on their own. Ducklings instinctively know to turn the egg as it hatches so that the umbilical cord detaches, and the whole process can take up to 48 hours. Riyadh watched and monitored until he finally fell asleep, but at 4:51am, 29 hours after the egg had started to hatch, he awakened to the sound of tweets.

"There was just this little wet alien staring back at me," he said. "It was love at first sight."

Riyadh named his rescue duckling Spike. Once Spike was ready to leave the incubator, he moved into "Duckingham Palace," a setup with all of the things he would need to grow into a healthy, self-sufficient duck—including things that contribute to his mental health. (Apparently ducklings can die from poor mental health, which can happen when they don't have other ducks to interact with—who knew?)

"My son shall not only survive, but he shall thrive!" declared the proud papa.

Riyadh knew it would be impossible for Spike to not imprint on him somewhat, but he didn't want him to see him as his mother. Riyadh set up mirrors so that Spike could see another duckling (even though it was just himself) and used a surrogate stuffed duck to teach him how to do things like eat food with his beak.

He used a duck whistle and hid his face from Spike while feeding him, and he played duck sounds on his computer to accustom Spike to the sounds of his species. He knew that Spike could not stay and live with him forever, so he'd need to learn how to become a normal, every day duck.

"It's just such a fulfilling process to watch a small being learn," said Riyadh.

As Spike grew, Riyadh took him to the park to get him accustomed to the outdoors and gave him opportunities to swim in a small bath. He learned to forage and do all the things a duck needs to do. Throughout, Riyadh made sure that Spike was getting the proper balanced nutrition he needed as well.

In the wild, most ducks eat plants, small insects, seeds, grains, and fruits. Some species of ducks will even eat small fish. Contrary to popular belief, bread is not good for ducks. It's not inherently harmful, but it's basically candy to them — it has little to none of the nutrients their bodies need. So if they fill up on bread, they may eat less of the foods they really need. Riyadh had a lot to learn!

Check this out:

After 89 days, the day finally came for Spike to leave Riyadh's care and be integrated into a community of his kind "to learn how to properly be a duck."

A rehabilitation center welcomed him in and he joined a flock in an open-air facility where he would be able to choose whether to stay or to leave once he became accustomed to flying. Within a few weeks of being at the rehabilitation center, his signature mallard colors developed, marking his transition from adolescence. Spike has been thriving with his flock, and Riyadh was even able to share video of his first flight.

This is the where "And they all lived happily ever after" would be a fitting end to the story, but unfortunately, Spike and his fowl friends are living in trying times. The rehabilitation center was notified by the U.K. government in December of 2024 that the duck flock needed to be kept indoors for the time being to protect them from a bird flu outbreak and keep it from spreading.

Building an entire building for a flock of ducks is not a simple or cheap task, so Riyadh called on his community of "daunties" and "duncles" who had been following Spike's story to help with a fundraiser to build a "Duckingham Palace" for the whole flock. Riyadh's followers quickly raised over £11,000, which made a huge difference for the center's owners to be able to protect Spike and his friends.

All in all, Riyadh and Spike's story is a testament to what can happen when people genuinely care. If Riyadh had left that egg where it was, it may not have made it. If Spike hadn't survived and been moved to the rehab center, the ducks there would be in greater danger of the bird flu due to the costs of building an indoor shelter for them. Despite the ongoing bird flu threat, the story really does have a happy ending.

In an update from June 2025, Riyadh shares that Spike is currently living with Leanne Clarke, who built a rescue shelter called "The Quack Shack" in her home. Riyadh's story and fundraising made much of the construction possible. Spike is starting to remember Riyadh less and less, which is bittersweet, but means that Spike is thriving in his new safe, domesticated life.

Thank to Riyadh for sharing Spike's journey with us. (You can follow Riyadh on Instagram here.)

This article originally appeared in January. It has been updated.

15 moms share their most 'unhinged' parenting moves that they refuse to apologize for

"Never ground your teenager. Tell them you’ll tag along to all their activities instead and join in. Game changer."

A stressed mom has her kids jumping on the couch.

Being a parent can put someone under incredible stress. Whether it's dealing with tantrums, a partner who isn’t helping, the laundry that keeps piling up, spills, awful smells, or French fries stuck in the back seat, parenthood is not for the faint of heart. In fact, just about every parent has a moment when they are pushed to the brink and may have had to resort to questionable tactics to get by.

Recently on Threads, Victorious Mamas, a site that provides moms with a "daily dose of mom-life and motivation," asked a very personal question to the mothers out there, and many were unafraid to give an honest answer. “Give me your most UNHINGED mom sanity hacks. I'm not talking about ‘take a bubble bath’ or ‘drink more water,’” the viral post read. “I mean the most feral, desperate thing you've ever done to survive motherhood.”


The parents responded with the “I did what I did to survive” type of responses that you’d hear from a war veteran, and their candor is refreshing to parents everywhere who may have acted a little unhinged when they were pushed to the limit. Some parents even bragged about the ways they’ve gone against time-honored parental wisdom on food, sleep, and disciplinary tactics just to make it through the day.

Here are 15 of the most 'desperate’ and ‘unhinged’ things moms have done to keep their sanity.

1. Scheduling breakdowns

"Unhinged hack?I started scheduling my breakdowns. Not kidding! (Don’t judge!)If I know the week ahead is chaos ..double childcare, big project, sleep regressionI’ll literally block off a 30-min cry session in my 📆 Yip it sounds bonkers (I already know)Because if I don’t plan for the crash, I end up spiraling during school pickup, or crying into a cold coffee with one boob out 🤯Some people plan yoga. I plan emotional triage.And you know what? It’s batsh*t crazy but it works for me."

2. What's on my butt?

"I used to play 'What’s on my butt?' when I was sick and home with the kids alone. This game required me lying down on the couch and closing my eyes while my kids randomly placed items on my backside. I had to guess what each item was. I was a very bad guesser so this game took a long time and I got to rest. I also played 'Mom’s in the crypt' which required me lying down on my back on the couch with my eyes closed while they built Legos that had to be magnificent enough to rouse me."


mom and son, playful child, stressed mom, woman with glasses, family on couch, A son grbs his mom's glasses.via Canva/Photos

3. They eat what they like

"Food is food. If he wants to eat French fries for breakfast, then whatever."

"Same. I truly don't get why food is assigned to certain meals. Sometimes I want fries for breakfast, too."

4. No more grounding

"Never ground your teenager. Tell them you’ll tag along to all their activities instead and join in. Game changer."

5. Unlimited screen time

"I know people fear this, but I’ve noticed my kids regulate themselves when it comes to screen time. I don’t have to monitor it heavily because they’re usually done after an hour or so."

"You say this now, but that just causes behavioral issues, honestly"

6. This mamma moved

"We moved from Australia to rural Latin America so we could easily afford a nanny, cook and cleaning lady."

"This is what me and hubby did as well, we moved to Ecuador and life is amazing, food is better and my baby is happy!"

7. Stop folding clothes

"Stop folding their clothes, just sort 'em a bit and put 'em in the drawer. Laundry is done in 5 min."

"I do this too. 4 girls plus my own clothes to fold? No thanks."


tired mom, laundry, laundry basket, clothes, moms, laundry room A tired mom in a pile of clothes.via Canva/Photos

8. Caterpillar Bowl

"My kids are picky about eating vegetables, but also they don't understand the Super Bowl and love to play make-believe; stay with me: we somehow invented a game called Caterpillar Bowl in which they compete as two caterpillars who squirm around the living room and have to eat lettuce leaves to win. They have consumed entire heads of lettuce in this fashion."

"When my kids were little I would peel half a cucumber and told them they were like popsicles. They’d hold the non-peeled part and eat away. Idk but it worked better than just cutting them up."

"I did this, but with dinosaurs! I used to put a handful of spinach on their plate and tell them they were TRexes that can’t use their arms to eat aso they’d rawr and eat the whole plate."

9. Let them stay up

"Going to bed and letting them kids stay up until sleep wins because that means they sleep until midday and my husband and I have quiet, slow mornings together alone. It’s the only way we’re surviving summer with them."

"Yessss. I’ve been doing this all summer with my 12-year-old. He stays up gaming with friends, and I get peace and quiet till around noon. Fucking amazing!"

10. Have two kids

"It's too tiring to entertain 1 child all the time. So we made another. The moment she could walk, we decided that THAT was the best parenting decision we ever made."

"I did this. Worked like a charm."

11. Retire from motherhood

"I locked myself in my room before. Told my kids "nope. I'm done. I've retired from motherhood." And locked myself in my room. My daughter drew a picture of her and her 2 siblings outside the door crying. They even video-called Nana. She texted me asking if I'm alright."

12. Pretend you're a cow

"When my kid is in full meltdown mode, I start making random animal sounds in response. Nothing diffuses a tantrum like a sassy cow."

"I sing in Opera. It's kinda the same as this. Something about using random sounds to respond instead of words in that moment."



13. Pull an all-nighter

"About once a month, I pull an all-nighter and get sh*t done. Laundry, dishes, finishing a crochet project, showering, cleaning out the fridge, etc. In the morning, I am the calmest, pleasant, and PRESENT mom. Sometimes it just builds up so much that I get too restless to really rest, and I get tired of staying up until 3 or 4 am trying to catch up on one thing each night and just need a full reset."

14. Enjoy a car wash

"I bought a car wash membership, and I hit that thing every time I was out. Something about putting your car in neutral and being dragged through life for two and a half minutes grounded me. They used recycled water."

"I usually scream loudly while going through, I feel so much better after."


15. Saturday is Dad Day

"I kick my family out of the house on Saturdays. Saturday = Dad day. And I don’t do any to help him prep. He makes lunches and snacks and decides where to go, and they come home at 7 with dinner in hand. Sometimes I clean the house. Sometimes I sleep all day. It is *my* day to do with I want."

"We call it 'Daddurday.'”

Canva Photos

A viral TikTok argues that women don't want to give up the joy of their own personal peace and freedom for anyone.

There's been a lot of discourse on the state of modern dating and a lot of theories on why it seems harder than ever for people to find connection with romantic partners. Could it be that the achievement and education gaps between men and women are altering the dynamics? Have social media and dating apps broken our brains and hearts? Do we all have unrealistic expectations and unlimited options, leading to never feeling satisfied with anything or anyone?

Those are all intriguing options, but an alternate theory has recently arisen that's quickly gaining steam: Maybe being single isn't as lonely as we think. Maybe being single is actually freaking awesome.

A guy on TikTok who goes by Get To the Point Bro shared a hilarious monologue on why women who have been single for a long time "don't want to date anymore." Women say he absolutely nailed it.

the office, andy bernard, dating, relationships, dating advice, single, romance, love The Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot on Giphy

At first, it might seem like he's poking fun, either at single women or at the men who can't seem to win them over. But not so! What he's done is perfectly captured the joy many people find in being single and, frankly, able to do whatever the hell they want.

"Some women have been single for so long they don't date anymore, they grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor's badge," he says. "You text her good morning and she's already annoyed, like 'Why are you disturbing the sacred silence of my personal growth journey?'"

He goes on, "Bro she's been sleeping diagonally in her bed for three years, she's not giving up that territory because you opened the door and paid for coffee."

"You plan a cute date, she's thinking 'That sounds nice but also I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12 steps skincare routine, order sushi and not have to listen to a man breathe.'"

"You try to check in emotionally, 'How are you feeling?' She's feeling fantastic because you're not here."

"You're not competing with other guys. There are no other guys. You're competing with her weighted blanket, her peace, her cat named Chairman Meow, and the simple joy of not having to share her fries."

These are just a few of the best lines from the nearly 2-minute rant, all delivered in the most amazing French accent you can imagine. Please, enjoy:


@gettothepointbro

DATING A GIRL WHO IS USED TO BE ALONE CAN BE VERY HARD .

The best thing about the video is the discussion in the comments. Women want to know how this man got access to this top-secret information. The rant is so eerily, frighteningly accurate that women are convinced this French guy is living in their heads. That, or someone's secretly leaking intel.

"dammit. somebody call a meeting of the council. he knows too much."

"I dont often offer this compliment to the male species but you explained it better than I ever could."

"Alright, who’s told him this info??? So exposed right now"

"The joy of sleeping diagonally across my bed cannot be fully explained."

"This is the most accurate profiling I’ve ever heard. You absolutely ailed it."

Clearly, we've tapped into a real phenomenon here.

@gettothepointbro

CAN YOU RELATE LADIES ? THAT’S WHY WE LOVE YOU ❤️

The truth is that many people—both men and women—are disillusioned with the sad state of the dating scene these days. App burnout is a real thing, and meeting new people in real life is a ton of work. So, it's no surprise that more and more people are just choosing to stay single and enjoy all the perks that come along with it. This is a stark change, especially for women.

According to FiveThirtyEight, "Women were also more likely than men to say that they weren’t dating because they have other priorities right now." Priorities like travel, career, friendship, and even just self-care—all things that wind up taking a backseat when people get involved in relationships. It wasn't too long ago that women of a certain age that were still single were called "spinsters," but that word has lost a significant amount of power. This new generation of women aren't embarrassed or ashamed to be single; they're loving it for exactly all the reasons this video describes.

This article originally appeared in April.

Family

Woman realizes she comes from a 'recreational argument' family and so many people feel seen

Understanding this phenomenon is so helpful, no matter how you feel about debate vs. conflict.

Do you come from a recreational argument family?

Have you ever noticed that some families can get into heated arguments—raised voices, vehement disagreement, rhetorical takedowns—and then act as if no actual conflict has taken place? If you come from a totally-conflict-avoidant or a genuinely-conflict-ridden family, such passionate debates might feel uncomfortable. If you come from a "recreational argument" family, it's just what people do when they get together.

A woman's realization that she grew up in the latter kind of family has prompted discussions about the whole idea and has people from all kinds of backgrounds feeling seen. Emmaline (@emmaleendryer) shared in a video, "As someone who came from a recreational argument family…I just learned the term "recreational argument"—which I thought we were all doing—and I owe a lot of people a lot of apologies."

Why does she owe some apologies? Because if you come from a recreational argument family, where argument is treated as a form of entertainment and debate is seen as an enjoyable activity like playing cornhole, you might assume that's the norm for everyone. And if you assume it's normal, you might argue with someone just because, or perhaps even to try to bond with them, and wind up surprised when they don't respond the way you expect them to. Either the person doesn't volley with you at all and just seems confused, or they engage in the debate but leave genuinely upset by the interaction.

A Reddit post explained the phenomenon like this:

"There are some people who 'argue' for fun. Flexing their rhetorical skills over something of no real-life consequence is a nice way to pass an afternoon. My In-Laws are like this. My father-in-law will argue with anyone about literally anything because to him, this is a fun game and he'd like to play with you, so Thanksgiving and Passover are always somewhat fraught holidays. I suspect a number of people online who are 'trolling' aren't actually trolling, but engaging in what they see as a Perfectly Normal Invitation to play.

"There are about the same number of people, in my experience, that find being in the general proximity of other people arguing the most agitating bullsh_t imaginable. Some people experience this as extreme, irrational annoyance, like people with misophonia when they hear chewing, and for some people the clinical meaning of the term 'Triggered' is applicable here because disagreements will, genuinely, trigger major psychological distress. Often, the more pointless and trivial the argument, the more agitating it is.

"The majority of people are somewhere in the middle of these extremes, and would like everyone else to mind their manners."

arguing, recreational argument, debate, discussion, mental exercise Some people love to argue for fun, others hate it. Giphy

To be clear, recreational arguing isn't fighting. There's no actual conflict taking place, but for those who are used to only experiencing debates or disagreements as fights, a passionate debate can feel like—and therefore be mistaken for—real conflict.

People in the comments clearly fell into different camps, further elucidating the point. Those who came from recreational argument families discussed the enjoyment they get out of arguing:

"It’s fun to debate vigorously."

"What’s the point in having a brain if you aren’t going to use it? I could argue about literally anything because it’s fun to really think about sh_t. I don’t understand how you can enjoy life without a little recreational argument tbh."

@thelivstorygoes

gotta go write some apologies hold on #recreationalarguing #familydynamics #roastfest #siblings #highcortisol

"I love recreational arguing. Growing up my siblings and I were constantly like we’re not fighting — this is just how we talk."

"Why are you arguing??' Bro I thought this was just a conversation?"

"I have never heard the term recreational arguing before but this is the perfect explanation for why I enjoy a good debate and other people hate me for it 😂."

"I married outside of the recreational argument community. I love him but it’s tough."

"I come from a playful roasting family and i for sure accidentally bullied some kids in elementary school that I thought I was friends with."

However, those who didn't grow up with that normalized explained how uncomfortable it is to be around:

"It’s so stressful for someone who does not do recreational arguing. 😭"

"YEP I go into full fight or flight every single time. It’s so emotionally taxing for me to even witness it!"

recreational argument, debate, discussion, time out, calm down Arguments are stressful for some people, even when they're fun for others. Giphy GIF by 5A5Bseries

"Yep my husband and father in law discuss politics and religion regularly and energetically. they get so riled up sometimes and I just hide in my room. I don't do raised voices well, even when I know they aren't mad, they are just loud talkers. 😅"

"Cannot emphasize enough how much I DESPISE recreational arguing and debates. Literally hell on earth to be in a group of people like that."

And then there were the people who came from one kind of family but felt like they belonged in another:

"i grew up in a household where people just did not talk to each other. The first time i spent time with a recreational argument family it was like i was freed from a cage. I love it. i love talking and thinking and exploring and learning."

"Try being a recreational arguer in a family where people argue argue. I just wanna have a nice fun disagreement but now everyone is mad."

recreational argument, debate, discussion, conversation, discourse, fighting There can sometimes be a fine line between debating and fighting.Photo credit: Canva

"I yearn to be a recreational argument family so I married into one… visiting my own family I often forget & get labeled argumentative… like yeah I’m trying to have stimulation conversation here."

"What is it called when your family tries to be a recreational argument family but it almost always blows up into real fights? 😭😭"

Emmaline's admission that she might owe some apologies highlights the importance of understanding these different perspectives. If we assume all people view passionate discussions the way we do, we risk creating actual conflict or at the very least some uncomfortable feelings. When we listen to different people's perspectives like those shared in the comments of Emmaline's video, it's easier to see when it may not be the right time—or the right person—to engage in a debate, especially if it's just for fun.

Motherhood

New moms share the 'weird' advice that helped them survive their first year of motherhood

"Sometimes all you can do is try new ideas, often nonsensical ones."

Image via Canva

New moms share best "weird" hacks that helped them in first year of motherhood.

New moms in their first year of motherhood are modern-day superheroes. They are masters in the art of powering through. New moms know that sometimes you have to resort to weird and unexpected hacks to take care of tired, hungry, and crying babies.

Over on Reddit in a subforum of parents, member Lina_reese shared her thoughts on "the weirdest advice I got as a new mom… and it actually helped!" She went on to explain, "One day my friend told me, 'Just take a shower if the baby won’t sleep,' and I laughed. Like, this is the time for me to shower? He’s the one who needs to sleep!"

She decided to take her friend's advice. And to her surprise, it worked. "But believe it or not, as soon as I stepped away and relaxed for a bit, he started calming down too. I had no idea how much my own energy affected him. Now whenever I feel overwhelmed, I try to take a small break and it often helps both of us," she added.

She concluded her post by asking other new moms to share their "weirdest" parenting hacks that also helped them with their new babies. These are 16 of the best pieces of advice that fellow new moms offered that helped them survive early days with new babies.

baby, newborn baby, new baby, new born, babies Loop Baby GIF Giphy

"I would put my twins in their cribs when they were tired/it was nap time and go shower. Within a week they barely cried when I put them down. It was huge for my mental health to have 10 minutes without crying babies and gave me a much needed reset. The inadvertent sleep training was a cherry on top. This is something I share with new moms because there is so much guilt involved in letting a baby cry. You can't pour from an empty cup though." —igloo1234

"Baby not sleeping? Turn on your favorite music and dance, you'll calm down and baby will fall asleep. It made sleep time, 1000x better." —mallowpuff9

"If they're big enough for baby wearing, I would wear them on my back and clean the kitchen. They always fell asleep while I was hand washing dishes when they got backed up and wiping down countertops/ table. I also turned on the TV to watch/listen to something adulty for my own entertainment." —Dr_mombie

"Use earplugs if the baby is colicky or whining a lot. It doesn’t make you a bad parent if you’re tending to their needs. I joked that the only thing I could control is if there was two people crying, and earplugs helped me deal with rocking a colicky baby for hours and stay sane." —zazrouge

ear plugs, earplug, baby crying, noise, noise gif the narrator GIF Giphy

"Baby won't stop crying? Take them outside. That's it. They'll almost always stop once they're outside. And if they don't stop, at least it doesn't sound as loud out there." —RoRoRoYourGoat

"Outside or water. Even just splashing around in the bath is enough to change the vibe." —littlescreechyowl

"Sometimes all you can do is try new ideas, often nonsensical ones, until you find one that works. Will the fourth silly idea that ended up working work tomorrow? Nope. Would it have worked if you tried it first? Who knows!" —jimmyw404

"I find that, if invested in something (a project, playing a game, etc) most people can easily push themselves past their bedtime without even realizing how tired they really are. The act of wanting to continue and having the thing you want to continue doing in front of you helps keep you going. And then once you stop doing what you were doing and sit down for a few minutes, it often catches up in a huge wave. Same thing applies to kids and babies. When the stimulation ends, it's easier for them to fall asleep." —thegimboid

"Make a Spotify playlist of songs you know the words to. Overwhelmed and can't think of a song? Pop in an earbud and sing along. Calm baby and yourself." —Icy_Marsupial5003

lullaby, singing, baby music, sing along, sing song Shawn Mendes Kiss GIF by BuzzFeed Giphy

"I had just given birth, still in the hospital, had a 21 month at home. A nurse told me, to help with jealously, the 21 month old remembers being the only child. the baby doesnt. Take care of his needs, put him down to sleep, play with the 21 month old like she was the only child. After a few weeks, when the baby didn't sleep as much she realized he was not to bad and OK to keep around. Never had a once of jealously. 20 years later, they are still best friends." —bethaliz6894

"Infant probiotics. At some point I read that a lot of colicky babies are dealing with digestive upset, and someone recommended clinical-grade infant probiotics, and they were a lifesaver. People love to recommend gripe water, but I was ON IT with the probiotics whether he or I had just been on antibiotics, or he had diarrhea, etc. Total game changer." —invah

"When you get mad at your kid, look at his tiny hands." —CaptainSensible17

baby, baby hands, hands, baby hands gif, babies Way To Go Good Job GIF by Ginghamsburg Church Giphy

"When your kid is really driving you crazy, get down on the floor with them and play. Look at the world from their point of view." —plantverdant

"I don’t remember who told me about the 1-2-3 hours nap schedule but I tried it and was blown away. When your baby ( not a newborn) wakes up, look at the time. Put them back down for a first nap again 1 hour after. When they wake again, they stay up for 2 hours. Then after the next nap it’s 3 hours, and then bedtime for the night. Put them in their crib before they are showing you physical signs of being over tired." —majadadim