In a world where prejudice and discrimination are far too commonplace, people of goodwill must speak out in defense of the marginalized. Sometimes speaking out means raising awareness. Sometimes speaking out means calling for action. Sometimes speaking out means sharing ugly realities and examples of what needs to change.
And sometimes that ticks people off.
Actress and activist Jameela Jamil addressed the people who complain about her calling out injustices on her social media pages. With an exasperated exhale, she shared a message on Instagram for the folks who tell her they'd prefer she just put out "good vibes" on her platform.
"When privileged people tell you to stop calling out injustice and only put "good vibes" out. You know what the ultimate good vibe is? EQUALITY.
You can take your harmfully lazy, complicit and wholly irrelevant good vibes and shove them right up your bum.
Hugs."
Clearly, Jamil is not one to mince words.
The context for her post, which she shared in an Instagram story, was a series of messages she'd received criticizing her for calling people out on social media for "their difference of opinion or views." As Jamil pointed out, comments that are harmful to a marginalized group are not matter of opinion. "This is about more than a difference of opinion," she wrote. "This is about the life or death of human beings and their basic rights."
The exchange was specifically about the transphobia discussions surrounding J.K. Rowling, but Jamil's sentiment applies to any instance of calling out injustice. Some people seem to believe that just focusing on positivity will magically create a more just world, but Jamil explained that's not how it works. "You can't good vibes your way out of being murdered, raped, denied housing, safety, medical care, and basic human rights," she wrote.
Upworthy receives similar complaints when we share stories of injustice—"Why can't you just focus on good/positive stories?" And the answer is because we are focused on the best of humanity—which includes taking a stand against injustices that impact entire groups of humans. Uplifting, "good vibes" stories are wonderful and absolutely vital for maintaining hope, but shining a light on injustice and inequality so that we can clearly see what we need to work on in order to build a better world is also imperative.
As Jamil wrote, "You know what the ultimate good vibe is? EQUALITY." Exactly. And the truth is we can and should do both. We can highlight the positive while also addressing the problems that still need solutions. We can celebrate good samaritans while also standing up for victims of oppression.
What we can't do is ignore the real issues impacting humanity in favor of feel-good stories that make us forget that we have important work to do. We have to balance our need for hope and positivity with our need to act on injustice. We must temper our desire for emotional upliftment with our duty to lift up our fellow humans who are suffering. We can do both—and we should.
Thank you, Jameela Jamil, for explaining this so succinctly.
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- Jameela Jamil has some choice words for Amber Rose about ... ›
- A useful response to the bigoted copy-and-paste post your acquaintances keep sharing - Upworthy ›
- Looking for a way to change the world? Start with magical activism. - Upworthy ›
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.