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I love NFL football, but I'm boycotting this year. 22 things I'll be doing instead.

I love NFL football. But we're officially on a break.

For years, I've watched beloved college players jet off to the NFL, and I continued following their careers, cheering on their successes on teams across the country. Back when I settled down in Kansas City for five years, I became a Chiefs fan, spending many a Sunday with chili on the stove and a beer in my hand, watching my team lose to various others in the AFC West.

But as much as I love the game, the history, the tradition, and, frankly, the routine, I can't do it anymore.


The NFL's dangerous history of welcoming players facing accusations of sexual assault or domestic abuse; the effects of head hits and chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE); the league's short-sighted stance on therapeutic cannabis use; and now the blackballing of Colin Kaepernick after his silent demonstrations during "The Star-Spangled Banner" to protest racial inequality. Any of these reasons is enough to walk away, but for me, when examined together, it's hard to ignore.

Activists support NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick outside the offices of the National Football League. Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images.

Like more than 176,000 others, I will be boycotting the 2017 NFL season.

Do I think my boycott will change the league, get Kaepernick a job, or improve the mental and physical health of the players? Nope. But the way I invest my time shows a statement about my priorities and values. This season in particular, my priorities and the NFL's priorities are not in alignment. Not even close.

That may not be the case for you, and that's A-OK. If it brings you joy, watch football. I'm not here to judge or shame. (Especially if you're a Chiefs fan.)

But if you're ready to make a clean break — or maybe just looking to take a few games off — here's a week-by-week breakdown with suggestions on things to watch, do, eat, read, or learn with all of your newfound free time.

September

Week 1: If you're not watching football, watch "football."

The hardest part of any boycott is getting started. Ease the transition by streaming a TV show about football. "Friday Night Lights" is mandatory viewing, but I also recommend two compelling documentary TV series, "Friday Night Tykes" and "Last Chance U."

Week 2: Use your Sundays to try out a new routine.

You know what's tedious? Grocery shopping. You know what's slightly better? Grocery shopping while everyone else is home watching football. Boycott perks!

Week 3: Get kids moving with Fuel Up to Play 60.

FUTP 60 is a partnership between the NFL and the National Dairy Council in collaboration with the USDA to encourage school-based physical activity and structured play along with balanced meals. You don't have to be an NFL player to help out. See what schools are participating in your zip code, and consider donating sports equipment or supplies or volunteering your time.

Torrey Smith shares breakfast with students as part of a FUTP 60 initiative. Photo by Leigh Vogel/Getty Images for Got Milk?

Week 4: Fantasy football is awesome, but have you tried fantasy Congress?

Yeah, it exists. And the stakes have never been higher. I've got Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-Oregon) in the first round!

October

Week 5: You may know the lyrics to "The Star-Spangled Banner," but do you know the story behind it?

Particularly its oft-forgotten additional verses. Or why we play it before sporting events? Take some time this week to brush up on this interesting piece of American history.

A U.S. flag with 15 stripes and 15 stars, like the one that was flown Fort McHenry during the War of 1812, frames the Battle Monument in Baltimore. The anthem's lyrics come from "Defence of Fort M'Henry," a poem written in 1814 by Francis Scott Key after he witnessed the bombardment of Fort McHenry by British ships in the war. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

Week 6: The NFL hasn't cornered the market on cancer awareness. Do your part.

At the suggestion of NFL defensive lineman Devon Still, whose daughter fought stage 4 neuroblastoma, the NFL will move away from its traditional October "pink out" for breast cancer to instead raise money and awareness for multiple types of cancer. It's debatable how much money they'll actually raise, but you can follow their lead and volunteer or donate to a research or cancer patient support effort in your community.

Week 7: We're halfway through October. Get yourself to a pumpkin patch ASAP!

In the words of the greatest writer of our time, "It's decorative gourd season, motherfuckers." Get yourself some gourds, a pumpkin, and maybe even some apples. Yeah, you should definitely get some apples.

Photo by David Goehring/Flickr.

Week 8: You know which team remains undefeated? Team Books.

Looking for a book that celebrates athleticism and the competitive spirit? Check out "The Boys in the Boat: Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics" by Daniel James Brown.

November

Week 9: Is now a good time to talk about the angry elephant in the room afraid of sharing his emotions or appearing vulnerable?

Why am I sharing this link to a primer on toxic masculinity in a story about the NFL? No reason. Just thought you might enjoy it. Moving on.

Week 10: It's a bird! It's a plane! Stop guessing — it was a plane.

Ever wonder why the Blue Angels and other coordinated military plane flyovers are "a thing" at football games? I don't want to give it away, but the answer rhymes with schmilitary schmercruitment. But if you're curious, learn how they hit their marks right on cue.

The Blue Angels perform before Super Bowl 50. Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images.

Week 11: You know what's just as entertaining as an NFL game? Local art. Come on, gang, I'm serious.

In many cases, there are free or low-cost options too, particularly at schools. Bonus points if you attend a show on a Sunday afternoon. If you think it would be tough to compete with the drama and passion of an NFL game, clearly you haven't seen a community theater production of "Phantom of the Opera."

Week 12: You know what's better than Thanksgiving football? Thanksgiving foods made with love/extra butter.

Strengthen your defenses against Thanksgiving football by busying yourself in the kitchen with a new recipe. Learning how to make a dynamite sweet potato pie is its own reward. No touchdown dance required.

Photo by Albert Sun/Flickr.

Week 13: Brush up on your NFL history, which in a lot of ways is TV history.

In fact, there's one moment in particular people still talk about nearly 50 years later. Nov. 17, 1968, is down in history as "The Heidi Bowl," and it may be one of the biggest TV programming blunders of all time. The short version: Don't start a TV movie when there are 65 seconds left in a football game.

December

Week 14: Get outside and play. Your insides will thank you, and your couch needs a break.

The fresh air will do wonders for your body and mind, especially when it's below 60 degrees outside. (And since it's December, odds are, it is.)

Photo by Andrew Hitchcock/Flickr.

Week 15: If the best part of the game for you is knocking back cold ones, have you tried brewing your own beer yet?

Admit it, you've thought about it once or twice. How hard can it be, right? Well, actually, it's kind of tricky. But it's nothing you can't handle.

Week 16: When guests gather for the holidays, try board games instead of the big game.

Miss the competition and high drama of the gridiron? Look no further than a fast-paced game of Uno. Or for the real players among us: Taboo. Game nights are all the fun and grit of football but with slightly fewer concussions.

Week 17: You made it to the last week of the regular season. Celebrate by learning the dance to Beyoncé's "Love on Top."

You'll be the hit of the New Year's Eve party or, at the very least, your family room.

January

Wild card round: Midterm elections are exactly 10 months away. Are you ready?

It's playoff time, and things are getting serious. You know what else is serious? Democracy, y'all. Make sure your voter registration is current, and start familiarizing yourself with your legislators and those running against them. Where do they stand on the issues important to you? Unlike football, democracy is not a spectator sport, so get in there and get involved.

People deliver their voter registration forms. Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images.

Divisional round: For all the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave for us, give him the whole weekend.

After all, his day is a "day on," not a day off. Look around your community for volunteer opportunities and community events to celebrate King's life and work.

Conference championships: The Winter Olympics start in less than three weeks. Are you ready?

As the old song goes, "Ain't no party like a Winter Olympics party, cuz a Winter Olympics party has guns on skis."

Photo by Harry How/Getty Images.

Pro Bowl: The best NFL players not playing in the Super Bowl will be in Orlando for the game. But do you know what's better? Pretty much anything.

The NFL keeps trying to make the Pro Bowl "a thing," but it's usually a lackluster game. Skip it and go see "Proud Mary" with Taraji P. Henson. The players would probably rather be there too.

February

The Super Bowl: It's a major event for any city, but consider who it leaves out.

The Super Bowl will be in Minneapolis this year, where the average high temperature in February is 23.7 degrees. While the game will be indoors, people experiencing homelessness in the Twin Cities will likely be displaced to make way for events and festivities for the big game. (Yeah, its happened before.) It's always a good time to support shelters and service organizations helping people in need.

Photo by Frederic J. Brown/AFP/Getty Images.

Football has been a part of my routine for so long, I don't know if I'll be able to hold out all season.

But I'm going to try.

Football is so many things to this country — it's tradition, it's family, it's community-building, it's an economic engine. Quitting the game cold turkey will be really difficult. But as the months from February to July remind us, there's life outside of football season, and it's pretty great too.

Sponsored

5 ways people are going all in this week

From the silliest to the most sentimental, there are so many ways people are going “all in” on the internet this week. Here are our five favorites.

5 ways people are going all in this week
5 ways people are going all in this week
True

What does it mean to go “all in” on something? We’ll tell you: Whether it’s an elaborately-themed birthday party for your dog (like this one) or a guy learning Mandarin to propose to his girlfriend, going “all in” means total commitment. There’s no holding back, no second guessing—just full-throttle enthusiasm, with some flair and creativity thrown in. When people go “all in,” something truly special happens as a result.

In this roundup, we’ve scoured the internet for the best examples of people going “all in”—moments where passion, creativity, and commitment take center stage. Some are silly, some are sentimental, but all of them are a reminder that giving 100% is the only way to truly leave a mark on this world. Buckle up: These folks didn’t just show up, they went all in.

This guy's passion for lip syncing 

@pokemonmasterzo every time I see an edit to this mix it’s almost guaranteed tears #beyonce #tyrant #allnight #fyp ♬ original sound - dannyvarr

We all lip-sync from time to time. Sometimes we even get a little bit into it. And then there’s this guy: TikTok creator Pokemonmasterzo, who goes viral every other week re-enacting passionate lip-syncs of trending songs. No matter what song people are listening to this week—a Beyonce mash-up, an old Radiohead hit, or a celebratory rendition of “Love Story” in honor of Taylor Swift’s recent engagement—this guy goes completely all in with hand gestures, dance moves, and quite often even a shot of his face superimposed on the screen (also singing!). His picture is basically next to the definition of “enthusiastic” in the dictionary. We can't get enough.

This trading experiment, brought to you by All In

Remember that story about a guy who traded a paperclip for a house? In a nutshell, Canadian blogger Kyle MacDonald started a year-long project back in 2025 to take one red paperclip and keep exchanging it for things of increasing value until he ended up with a house. With the paperclip, MacDonald traded for a pen. With the pen, he traded up for a hand-sculpted doorknob. With the doorknob, he traded up for a Coleman camp stove (with fuel included). On and on it went until 2006, when he finally traded a role in a movie for a two-story farmhouse in Kipling, Saskatchewan. It’s basically a testament to what you can accomplish if you just have dedication, creativity, and vision (aka, you go absolutely all in).

This week, our friends at All In are starting their own version of the paperclip trend, starting with an All In bar and trading up to see what they get. (Though we have to say the phrase “trading up” is debatable, because these bars are delicious.) Check it out and see where they end up!

Another thing you should check out: This incredible deal where you can get a free(!!!) box of All In organic snack bars. Just sign up with your phone number on Aisle, grab two free boxes of All In bars at Sprouts, snap a pic of your receipt and text it through Aisle. They’ll Venmo or PayPal you back for the cost of one box, and that’s it! Enjoy.

This "chicken jockey" ice skating routine 

@k.and.miss.congeniality 🐓⛸️🌟Chicken Jockey from Minnesota 🌟⛸️🐓 @U.S. Figure Skating #nationalshowcase ♬ Holding Out for a Hero - yourmusic4ever💯

If you have children over the age of, say, preschool, you’ve likely heard the words “chicken jockey,” a term from Minecraft, a popular video game in which players can build, create, and interact with others in a 3D world made up of blocks.

A little background: A “chicken jockey” in the Minecraft universe is when, in the course of the game, a baby zombie will randomly spawn onscreen, riding a chicken and attacking the players. (I don’t get it either, I just had to have a child explain this to me just now.)

Anyway, in the Minecraft movie, which premiered earlier this year, there’s a scene where a chicken jockey drops into the arena and Jack Black’s character shouts “Chicken Jockey!” The moment quickly became a fan favorite and turned into something of a movement, where moviegoers would scream “Chicken jockey!” and erupt in chaos, throwing popcorn and just generally going wild (you could even say they were going all in).

Fast-forward to today, and chicken jockey is still a popular term among kids—so much so that this young performer created an ice-skating routine to honor the chicken jockey moment, complete with a full-body costume. That’s right—she ice skated in an inflatable chicken jockey costume. Talk about dedication. The creativity, the enthusiasm, and the cultural relevance truly make this a performance to behold.

This woman's transformation—an entire year in the making

@tiszfit.cpt And I always made sure I was on incline 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 Was it hard in the beginning? Hell yeah sometimes I would only sprint for 10 secs at a time But I knew if I kept doing it I would get faster , stronger & build my endurance And quess what I did ! Keep going sis !! It’s possible with consistency! #gymtok #motivation #fypシ ♬ Otis nola bounce part 2 - VIP

There’s something beautiful about a person who shows up for herself, day in and day out. In this viral TikTok, creator @tiszfit.cpt recorded herself running on a treadmill in her garage every day, ultimately reaching a goal of eighty (!!!!) pounds lost. Going all in to achieve your goals is one thing to celebrate for sure, but it’s just as meaningful to watch her confidence gradually grow throughout the video. As she continues to run, her garage door opens little by little, until she’s working out unashamedly in open view of her neighborhood. You can’t help but be incredibly proud.

The most tear-jerking college send-off you've ever seen

Finally, here’s one of the most thoughtful (and meaningful) college send-offs we’ve ever seen. In this video, Ben (@its_benzram) walks into the hallway of his parent’s house and finds all of his childhood toys lined up along the walls leading to the staircase. The reason? They’ve all come to “say goodbye” and wish him well as he goes to college. Not only are all his stuffed animals there, his family made handmade signs (“We Love You”) and created a collage of pictures of Ben throughout the years alongside his childhood toys. Parents: Get a box of tissues before you watch this. Not kidding.

Snag your free (!!) snack bars here while this deal lasts.

via Royalty Now / Instagram
Artist's gallery shows us what historical figures would look like if they were alive today

One of the major reasons we feel disassociated from history is that it can be hard to relate to people who lived hundreds, let alone thousands, of years ago. Artist Becca Saladin, 29, is bridging that gap by creating modern-looking pictures of historical figures that show us what they'd look like today.

"History isn't just a series of stories, it was real people with real feelings. I think the work brings people a step closer to that," she said according to Buzzfeed.

Saladin has always loved archaeology and always wished to see see what historical events actually looked like. She uses her digital art skills to do exactly that.

She started her Instagram page after wanting to see her favorite historical figure, Anne Boleyn, in real life instead of artist's depiction.

history, historical figures, art, artists, paintings, portraits, abraham lincoln, shakespeare, anne boleyn, marie antoinette A contemporary painting of Anne BoleynBy English school - Public Domain,

"I wanted to know if she could come to life from the few pale, flat portraits we have of her," she wrote for Bored Panda. "I started the account to satisfy my own curiosity about what members of the past would look like if they were standing right in front of me."

This is no AI gimmick. Saladin, in addition to being a great artist, is also a student of history. She consults existing portraiture, reads letters, studies the period, and examines both life and death masks (wax or plaster facial molds) of her subjects. She understands period art, as well. In her recreation of Marie Antoinette, Saladin writes, "It’s pretty obvious how stylized 18th century French portraits are; the huge eyes, tiny noses, and pinched lips." Her image of Antoinette, then, needed some "facial correction." I'd like to see AI do that.

Her artwork has earned her over 375,000 followers on Instagram. "I always struggled with finding a true hobby, so this has been such a fun creative outlet for me," she said. "It's really cool to have found a hobby that combines my passions for both art and history."

Saladin does brilliant job at giving historical figures modern clothing, hairstyles and makeup. She also shows them in places you'd find modern celebrities or politicians. Her modern version of Marie Antoinette appears to be posing for paparazzi while her Mona Lisa is photographed on a busy city street.

Here's a sampling of some of Saladin's modern representations of historical figures.

King Tut

Genghis Khan



King Henry VII



Louis XV



Agrippina the Younger

Queen Nefertiti

Ben Franklin

Julius Caesar


William Shakespeare


Marie Antoinette


Saladin's work has connected deeply with hundreds of thousands of online fans and followers. Her images have brought history to life in a way most of us have rarely experienced. There's something about seeing Abraham Lincoln in a dapper sweater with modern beard and hairstyles that makes him seem much more like a real person than any official portrait ever could.

Saladin began sharing portraits online years and years ago, but continues to this day. There's always more to discover, new ways to push her medium forward, and more history to unearth.

This article originally appeared five years ago. It has been updated.

Internet

Guy put a weird Tinder exchange to music. Now it's a hit anthem for baffling questions.

Warning: You might be singing "I have one daughter" to yourself for the rest of the week.

"I Have One Daughter" has become an unexpected summer anthem.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who simply didn't make sense? You said something, and the other person responded in a way that didn't fit at all with what you said, but no matter what you say, they don't seem to get why the exchange is confusing. So then you're left scratching your head and wondering if you are one who was confused in the first place.

We've all been there, and now we have a theme song that exemplifies the phenomenon. And strangely enough, the lyrics come from a real but weird Tinder dating app conversation, which makes it all the more hilarious.

tinder, confusion, i have one daughter, weird conversations, john travolta Tinder is a dating app where you get matched with strangers of your choosing. Giphy

A guy who goes by Lewky has been putting all kinds of bizarre Tinder conversations to music on TikTok. Still, one text exchange that starts with a man asking a woman if she has any kids and quickly devolves into chaos has gone mega viral. Not only have there been over 17 million views on the original video, but people continue to use the audio to create their own videos tailored to their own baffling conversations.

Here's how the original conversation went:

"Do you have any kids?"

"Yes, I have one daughter. How about you?"

"How many baby daddies do you have? if you don't mind me asking."

[…]

"I have one daughter."

"I understand that, is she by the same father?"

"I don't understand…"

@lewky____

This guy needs a math tutor #datinglife #funnysong #tindermusical

The song is catchy, no? People loved it, but this video isn't where many first heard it, as it quickly became a meme song that people attached to their own videos, portraying conversations they've had that feel like this.

For instance, a woman who has biracial kids with two different skin tones used it to illustrate conversations she's had with people who can't seem to grasp the way genetics work and who assume her daughters must have different dads.

@rubyselena123

blows my mind people don’t understand how genetics work 😂 #ihaveonedaughtertrend #biracialkids #toddlermom #momof2

Another woman used the song to share conversations she's had with people about her background as a Nigerian and her ability to speak fluent English. She explains that English is the official language of Nigeria, but people still compliment her on how well she speaks English and assume she must have learned it elsewhere.

@cynthiadieyi

Inspired by real life events 🥰 #firstgen #expatlife #fyp #foryourpage #foryoupageofficial #explorepage #ihaveonedaughter #lipsync

There are countless videos of people sharing how their racial, ethnic, or national identities seem to confound people. One woman used the "I Have One Daughter" song to illustrate ICE harassing Puerto Ricans.

"Several incidents involving federal agents, reportedly from Homeland Security (DHS) or Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), have occurred at or near the National Museum of Puerto Rican Arts and Culture in Chicago, prompting claims of intimidation," she wrote. "And this how I imagine it went."

@cartoonyourmemories

#doyouhaveanykids

(Apparently, a lot of people don't understand that Puerto Ricans are American citizens who can't be deported.)

The song has branched out to all kinds of conversations about very niche topics. For instance, here's an exchange inspired by real events between an anesthetist and a surgeon who seems to think breathing movements somehow negate complete paralysis.

@triciapendergrastmd

Inspired by real events… #ihaveonedaughter #residentphysician #anesthesiatiktok #surgery #trending #fypシ゚viral #fyp #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp

There are numerous versions of the "I Have One Daughter" song meme, and they're giving people life (while simultaneously giving them an earworm that they are almost guaranteed to be singing to themselves all week).

Lewky has created an extended version of the song, which is available on streaming music services. It just expands the confusion by listing off a bunch of celebrities who have daughters, saying those daughters don't all have the same father, as if that explains the argument being made. No, it doesn't make sense. That's the entire point.

@lewky____

I Have One Daughter Extended Version Feat Sad Alex is now out and streaming everywhere!!! Thank you @sad alex for adding her awesome vocals and writing to this song! #funnysong #comedysong #datinglife

Aren't humans just delightful?

You can follow Lewky on TikTok for more Tinder conversation tunes.

Fatherhood

Dad shares 'complaints' about his toddler's restaurant business and it's too adorable

"It's a very clean establishment, but whewww let me tell you about this owner."

Ava's Kitchen leaves a bit to be desired in the customer service department.

Toddlers can be a handful, but they're also the absolute best, with their tiny little adorableness, their burgeoning vocabulary, and their slowly evolving understanding of the world. Their imaginations are something else, and spending time in a wee one's world is always an unpredictable treat. Being the parent of a toddler is a unique joy that only lasts for a fleeting season, so you have to take full advantage of it while you can. And one dad has clearly done just that.

Christopher Kyle is father to Ava, who at 18 months old treated her dad to a meal at her sit-down restaurant. Only according to Kyle, the service left much to be desired. In a post on Instagram, Kyle shared a photo of Ava in her play kitchen while he sat waiting for his food in a tiny chair at a tiny table.

The father/customer wrote:

"So I tried to support another Black Owned Business for lunch today. It's called Ava's Kitchen, just opened end of April. It's a very clean establishment, but whewww let me tell you about this owner.

First off, I asked why there are balloons on my chair, and it's not my birthday? She talm'bout, mind yah business; those are Mommy's.

I been waiting on my order to get done for 45 minutes, and I'm the only customer here. She was making good progress at first, then she stopped for 20 minutes to go watch Paw Patrol.

Paw Patrol Dog GIF by Xbox Giphy

Overall the customer service could be better, but the cook is a cutie; so I'll give her another chance. Let's not give up on Black businesses so fast after one mistake. 💕"

People absolutely loved this dad's humor and clearly stellar parenting skills. Anyone who has sat through a tea party—or any activity with the wee ones—knows that for all of its cuteness, toddler play is an exercise in patience and endurance.

Upworthy shared Kyle's story on our Instagram page and our readers did not disappoint.

Some played right along with the game:

"Starting a restaurant is tough.. give her a chance ❤️❤️"

"I mean, she started a restaurant during a global pandemic, give her a break 😂"

"Is she taking reservations?"

Fans of Paw Patrol had some words:

"Paw Patrol is a must watch so 🤷🏾♀️😂"

"I died at Paw Patrol 🤣🤣🤣 that's my show though. I don't have kids I just watch it just because lmao."

"Paw Patrol break is mandatory. Too cute! ♥️"

Others just gushed over the entire scene:

"Love EVERYTHING about this!! The adorable owner, the customer's humor and the incredible love."

"That's the cutest restaurant owner I've ever seen. The dad's face is priceless! 😂👍❤️"

"LoL the story is funny & beautiful!!! This warms my heart!! This babygirl will grow up to have such a healthy look at men (in any capacity) as long as she & her Daddy keep such a beautiful bond!! Happy Father's Day (early) Keep encouraging her to do her thing and her confidence will continue to soar!! I just love this!! 😍😍😍"

Since that post went viral, Ava and her dad have had some other creative adventures, including building things at Home Depot's free kids weekend workshop:

Will Ava be a restaurant owner, a carpenter, or something totally different when she grows up? Who knows, but with her dad's support, no doubt she'll build success wherever she ends up.

This article originally appeared five years ago and has been updated.

Pop Culture

Woman's cheeky PSA to swap sports metaphors for makeup lingo at work has other women applauding

"The deal's not over before we apply the setting spray" needs to be said in offices immediately.

@arikraemerhq/TikTok

Can we please normalize this??

Anyone who’s worked in an office setting knows that corporate lingo and sports jargon go hand-in-hand. In fact, the two are intertwined within history, but that’s another story. But while there’s nothing wrong with “knocking it out of the park” or “being a team player,” what if workplace language took a more feminine turn?

This was the thought experiment that began after Ari Kraemer, a 32-year-old sales and marketing professional from Minnesota, began quite literally flipping the workplace script by injecting makeup and beauty metaphors into the conversation. Honestly, it’s something Elle Woods would be so proud of.

In Kraemer's first video, posted in May, she says things like, "I know we want to move forward with this, but are we adding the foundation before the primer here?" and, "I'm seeing buying signals here too, but the deal's not over until we add our setting spray," which beauty aficionados will immediately understand.

@arikraemerhq We’re gonna need a full beat to win this pitch
♬ original sound - Ari Kraemer

If you need a translation, Kraemer is basically suggesting that someone is getting ahead of themselves in the first statement, and that the “deal” isn’t over until a final, cementing action is taken in the second. So maybe like, “You’re stepping up to the plate without a bat” and, “The game’s not over until the clock reaches 0:00”? I don’t know…I’m not a sports person!

Kraemer’s silly-but-smart video quickly went viral and got such positive feedback.

"Great analysis of how gendered language is," one person shared.

Another said, “As someone who works at Ulta corporate, I’m using all of these.”

Similarly, another added, “I work in cosmetic science. I’m going to legit start using these at work.”

And of course, people were inspired to contribute their own suggestions.

"We're aiming for a natural glow, not a full beat."

"I think we're veering on blush blindness with this. Let's scale back."

“Great initial idea, needs a blending shade.”

“You’re trying to add lashes before the glue is tacky.”

"The client wants Charlotte Tilbury quality on an NYX budget."

Following her viral success, Kraemer has posted quite a few more of these bad boys. Including one below where we really get to see makeup and sports metaphors go head-to-head…ultimately coalescing in the most wholesome way.

And to think, this all started after going to a work summit where the speaker constantly used sports metaphors, leaving Kraemer and a female colleague feeling isolated. "It kept distracting from his point," she said in an interview with BuzzFeed. "My female colleague and I joked about it, and I thought, Why not flip the script? Why do we always default to sports and war when talking about business?"

In a subsequent interview with Newsweek, she added that, "Traditional sports metaphors feel overused, and they exclude those of us who do not follow sports.” She believes her videos “resonated because so many women want to show up in ways that reflect their authentic experience.”

@arikraemerhq Replying to @anna f curtis • skincare stuff more requests from the comments and a few originals #corporatehumor #womeninbusiness #worklife ♬ original sound - Ari Kraemer

And for those who would like to infuse a bit more beauty gab into the workplace to give it a true glow-up, Kraemer even wrote a book, titled Touching Up, compiling some of her most beloved makeup-inspired phrases. The book, of course, is an unapologetic hot pink. Again, so Elle Woods-coded. Love to see it.

Photo Credit: Erik Bowker, Denver Zoo Conservation Alliance

A howler monkey naps on the back of a capybara.

One never knows when or how they will meet their BFF, but where better than the Tropical Discovery indoor rainforest at the Denver Zoo? It just so happened that a six-year-old capybara named Rebecca and a 16-year-old howler monkey called Baya, both needed a little sisterhood in a "pen packed with boys" as they were put together as part of the Conservation Alliance.

On the Denver Zoo's Facebook page, they share a cuddly picture of the besties and write, "You're welcome for the cuteness overload."

One Facebook commenter jokes, "Someone is definitely going to start making capybara-monkey plush animal sets now. And I’ll bet 'monkey-riding-a capybara' will become a motif in children’s pajamas. Just wait for it."

Another has actually met the pair. "We saw Rebecca giving Baya a piggyback ride one day! So funny!"

This commenter gives insight as to just how unique this paring is. "I studied wild (mantled) howler monkeys in Costa Rica, and the interesting thing about this is that howlers are some of the most anti-social monkeys. Even living in troops, they have < 3 min. of direct social interaction with one another a day. They spend all their time eating and sleeping--not cuddling, And they are some of the most averse monkeys to coming down to the ground, doing it only in the most dire of emergencies. So seeing one on the ground and cuddling with a capybara is quite unusual!"

howler monkey, zoo, monkey, trees, baby monkey Howler monkey holds their baby in a tree. baby commons.wikimedia.org

National Geographic somewhat backs up this claim. They also report that these are the loudest of monkeys (hence the name) and that they don't often interact with others below the treetops. "They are at home in the forest, they hardly ever leave the treetops. They don't move very far each day, feeding leisurely at the very top of the forest canopy. Howlers mainly eat leaves, as well as fruits, nuts, and flowers. Howler monkeys get almost all the water they need from the food they eat. One of the few times they can be spotted on the ground, however, is during very dry spells when they need to find extra water."

As for the capybara, the San Diego Zoo's website asks, "Is it a beaver without a tail? A hairy pig without a snout? No, it’s a capybara, the largest rodent in the world! At only two feet tall, they add, "Originally thought to be a pig of some sort, we now know that the capybara is a rodent, closely related to cavies and guinea pigs."

capybara, rodent, animals, big teeth, zoo A capybara yawns in the wild. Yawning Capybara (Hydrochoerus hydrochaeris) | Cotsworld www.flickr.com

In an article for Axios Denver, writer Alayna Alvarez shares that, although the two cuties are South American, they most likely would not have met in the outside world. Alvarez spoke with Jessica Newell, the Denver Zoo's assistant Tropical Discovery curator, who says that it's the older monkey who seeks comfort in the larger capybara. "Rebecca's pretty calm, and Baya's able to go to her for comfort and support …They are very content with each other."

She also explains the timeline of their friendship. Baya is a single monkey-mom with three sons who came to Denver a few months back from the Florida Brevard Zoo. Rebecca has been in Denver a few years and came "with her mate Roy."

In just a few days, there are already tens of thousands of Insta-likes and tons of comments. Many ask questions, which are answered on the Denver Zoo Insta page. One asks, "Omg, do they live in the same enclosure?" A person answers, "Yes! They share a habitat with Rebecca's Cappy husband Roy and Baya's sons, (I don't recall their names.)

Another shares, "Capybaras are nature's universal moms. Every animal wants to get some of that nurturing love." This Instagrammer summed up the beautiful friendship, quipping, " "It's her emotional support capybara."