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How do we coax millions of Americans away from the edge of election conspiracy insanity?

How do we coax millions of Americans away from the edge of election conspiracy insanity?
Andrew Feinberg/Twitter, Lin Wood/Twitter

If the past four years has taught us anything, it's that when you think things can't really get any nuttier, they totally can and will.

Case in point: Lin Wood's latest tweets.

Lin Wood is a lawyer who has filed or joined multiple lawsuits on behalf of President Trump in an attempt to overturn the 2020 presidential election. Wood has been an outspoken supporter of Trump and a forceful pusher of conspiracy theories—not only about the election, but about...well, just take a look.

Wood already made headlines a few days ago for suggesting Mike Pence should be executed by firing squad. Late last night, in a series of tweets, Wood lays out absolutely bonkers allegations against Chief Justice John Roberts and the world's "most well-known & 'elite' intelligence agencies."

I'm not fond of amplifying these kinds of batsh*t crazy rants, but considering how intertwined this individual is with the current legal actions of the president of the United States, and considering the fact that President Trump has retweeted this man's tweets just within the past month, it's important to understand the level of unreality that a significant portion of Americans are living in—or at least tacitly accepting.

In a series of tweets, Wood wrote:

"I believe Chief Justice John Roberts & a multitude of powerful individuals worldwide are being blackmailed in a horrendous scheme involving rape & murder of children captured on videotape.

I have the key to the files containing the videos. I have also shared this information.

This blackmail scheme is conducted by members of 10 of world's most well-known & "elite" intelligence agencies. One of those groups was hacked by a group known as Lizard Squad.

The blackmail files of rape & murder were obtained by this group & copy was provided to Isaac Kappy.

The blackmail targets are approached with a gun, a child, & a camera. The target is ordered to rape the child on video. The target is then ordered to shoot the child on video. The target is then owned & controlled by the blackmailers until blackmail evidence loses its value.

After Kappy received the hacked files from member of Lizard Squad, he gave files to one friend and the encryption key to another friend. He provided this information to his friends shortly before he was murdered in May 13, 2019. Members of Lizard Squad were jailed for hacking.

Jeffrey Epstein used this same blackmail scheme of child rape & child murder to either further his own interests or those of any intelligence agency with whom he worked. ALL who flew on his private jet or visited his island must be IMMEDIATELY interrogated & brought to justice.

I decided to post this truth on Twitter & Parler as wall exists around @realDonaldTrump that may have prevented me from getting this evidence to him. Kappy tried to deliver info to President but was then murdered. I do not know who Kappy gave it to for delivery to the President.

I have concerns that information from Kappy was not delivered to @realDonaldTrump & his effort to get it to President may have caused his death. I am aware that my life is now at great risk. But I put my faith in God. I prayed before I made the decision. I had to reveal TRUTH."

Let's pause for a moment here.

First of all, how is this even a thing that he believes? Someone just walks up with a gun and a child and a camera? What? Most of us who actually are not pedophiles would rather die than rape a child. And if someone handed us a gun to shoot a child, most of us would shoot the person trying to blackmail us instead. On a basic level, this is just dumb.

Second of all, every conspiracy theory sucks people in with grains of truth, so let's briefly get those out of the way. Lizard Squad might sound like a made-up thing, but it was actually a real hacking group that successfully disrupted XBox and PlayStation systems in addition to committing other hacking crimes. A bunch of members were arrested in 2014—but their arrest had nothing to do with intelligence agencies.

Former Lizard Squad member Vinnie Omari, when asked about Wood's tweets, told the Daily Dot, "That sounds fucking insane, bro. I'm not going to lie to you. That sounds like the type of stuff that I usually laugh at people for bringing up in conversations."

Omari said he'd never heard of Wood or Kappy and that the group never hacked any government entities or agencies. "We never hacked anything in regards to any of these billionaires like Jeffrey Epstein or any government officials," he said.

That won't convince the conspiracy theorists, of course. (We'll get to that in a minute.) At this point, you may be wondering who the heck Isaac Kappy is. Kappy was an actor and musician who tragically died by suicide by jumping off a bridge onto a freeway in Arizona in 2019. He left lengthy messages on social media before his death, expressing remorse for who he had been, stating that he had spent thousands of hours diving into QAnon conspiracies, talking about how he's abused himself with drugs and alcohol, and apologizing to people he'd hurt.

But instead of his death being a cautionary tale, QAnoners like Wood claim that Kappy didn't die by suicide but was murdered because this obscure actor had the elusive evidence proving all of the cabal nonsense that he was trying to get to the president. As if that makes sense.

Moving on. Wood continued on Twitter.

"I would never make an accusation without having reliable source for it. Stakes are too high. So I did due diligence to validate the accuracy of the shocking information I am revealing tonight. I am entirely comfortable that you are learning the truth. A truth that explains much.

I have no idea extent of blackmail scheme of raping & killing children but given the number of agencies involved, the hundreds of thousands of missing children, & the otherwise inexplicable actions of many powerful officials, celebrities, & business leaders, I fear the worst.

The number of missing children worldwide & in United States is staggering.

So I have now conveyed the truth as I know it. There has been a rising chorus of people questioning my sanity in recent days. Now you can understand why. I have no idea what will be done to me or said about me in coming days, but I will rest well tonight for having spoken truth.

Many issues in our world may be tied to blackmail scheme I described tonight, including bizarre behavior of officials & judges in recent election. @realDonaldTrump must appoint special prosecutor to thoroughly investigate. We need answers. We must investigate. For the children."

Ah yes. For the children. I've written about how the QAnon child trafficking conspiracy theories are doing real harm to actual anti-trafficking organizations that work to protect vulnerable missing children. QAnon is not in the business of saving children from anything.

Oh, and there's also this:

To be perfectly clear, this is insane. That should be totally obvious, but at this point, even obvious truths need to be stated clearly, unequivocally, and constantly. This man has a million followers on Twitter and has been retweeted by the president, who is a known peddler of conspiracy theorists himself. We also now have QAnon adherents in Congress, so this stuff can't be ignored. As NBC reports, nearly all of Trump's election fraud allegations come from the QAnon world, and he has hoards of MAGA followers who have bought it all hook, line, and sinker. At this point, no one can be all in for Trump and not, by extension, support these crazy conspiracy theories. They are all inextricably linked.

So how did we even get here? And more importantly, how do we get out?

It was predictable, to be honest. During the 2016 election, there were an alarming number of comments that referred to Hillary Clinton being part of an evil global cabal of pedophiles who operate in secret and communicate in code via email. The rumors included various details about Satanic rituals (which involved bizzaro accusations of harvesting something called adrenochrome from children), Obama ordering 65,000 hot dogs (which was supposedly code for little boys), and child trafficking taking place in the basement of a popular D.C. pizza parlor (which doesn't even have a basement). Even though none of it made the least bit of logical sense and most of us just rolled our eyes at it all, a shocking number of people truly believed it—and still do.

I assumed at the time that it was just a dumb disinformation campaign to hurt Clinton's chances of winning the election (which it was) and that it would die out after the election (which it didn't). I think most reasonable people believed the same thing, which was a mistake. For four years, we've watched these conspiracy theories grow and spread. For four years, I've personally seen more and more people get sucked into the unreality the person/people behind QAnon created. For four years, people have continued to claim that well-known politicians and A-list celebrities are about to be arrested, that they're all going down soon, that Donald Trump is the great savior who will finally blow the lid off of this vast conspiracy and save the world from the machinations of the evil elite. For four years, the big reveal has always been just around the corner. Just wait. (That's literally the entire premise of QAnon. Just wait. Just wait. Just wait. It's coming. It's coming. It's coming.)

The quackiness was never going to just fade away. The fringe element just kept growing and spilling into right-wing media. And like a snowball that gathers size, speed, and strength as it tumbles down a mountain, the quackiness was becoming more and more dangerous.

When a guy took his AR-15 to Comet Ping Pong Pizza to save the children from the clutches of Clinton and her cabal of child traffickers and found nothing, that should have been the end of it. When the D.C. police called Pizzagate "a fictitious online conspiracy theory," that should have been the end of it. But it wasn't. Because that's not how these things work.

There's a reason conspiracy theories are called rabbit holes. Once you start detaching from reality, it's really hard to come back. Real news is fake news. Fact-checkers can't be trusted. Every reasonable explanation gets rejected. Anyone who denies the unreality is in on the conspiracy. From an objective outside stance, none of it makes sense, but within that world, it all makes perfect sense. Just wait, you'll see.

From a psychological point of view, the draw is pretty simple. It's a connect-the-dots mystery with the added thrill of a gambling addiction—this time, it's really gonna happen. It's a thrilling chase with the carrot of Trump saving the world from the evil elites always dangling just out of reach as you chase it. It has everything we've become accustomed to in our favorite movie plots—intrigue and deception, bad guys you'd never suspect, and an unlikely hero who we just know is going to swoop in at the finale to bring it all down. Just you wait.

The problem is that we're not living in a movie. This is real life, and our country is being damaged in real ways by having too many of its citizens swept up in an alternate reality, which isn't reality at all.

The dilemma we face now is what to do about it. This stuff isn't going to go away just because Biden gets inaugurated on January 20th, and it's destructive to the fabric of society no matter who is in charge. For goodness sake, I've had people accuse me of being a pedophile because I wrote about how child sex trafficking organizations want people to stop sharing QAnon conspiracy theories. That doesn't make sense, of course—but how am I supposed to sit down and have a reasonable conversation with someone who believes that? We can have disagreements about government and policy and social issues, and we can debate those things passionately even. But we have to exist in the same objective reality in order to have that reasonable exchange of ideas.

I'm not sure how we get there, but I have a few ideas. We need to have psychologists along with political pundits weighing in on the daily news shows. We need to see the opinions of cult deprogramming experts in addition to legal analysts as we talk about what happens from here. We need to be talking about how to convince millions of our fellow Americans to step back from the edge of the rabbit hole and how to extricate them from it once they've fallen down it.

The issues are important, but we can't have the important conversations we need to have about the issues without a basic shared reality, and right now, we're so not there.

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Ontario teen says he'll live in 'modular home' invention for a year to prove it can end homelessness

He's already invented a wooden car.

ideas, homelessness, prodigy, social work, solutions
Photo credit: @ribalzebian on Instagram

Ribal Zebian is going to test a house he designed by living in it for a year.

Ribal Zebian, a student from the city of London in Ontario, Canada, already made headlines last year when he built an electric car out of wood and earned a $120,000 scholarship from it. Now, he's in the news again for something a little different. Concerned with homelessness in his hometown, Zebian got to work creating a different kind of affordable housing made from fiberglass material. In fact, he’s so confident in his idea that the 18-year-old plans on living in it for a year to test it out himself.

Currently an engineering student at Western University, Zebian was concerned by both the rising population of the unhoused in his community and the rising cost of housing overall. With that in mind, he conjured up a blueprint for a modular home that would help address both problems.

Zebian’s version of a modular home would be made of fiberglass panels and thermoplastic polyethylene terephthalate (PET) foam. He chose those materials because he believes they can make a sturdy dwelling in a short amount of time—specifically in just a single day.

“With fiberglass you can make extravagant molds, and you can replicate those,” Zebian told CTV News. “It can be duplicated. And for our roofing system, we’re not using the traditional truss method. We’re using actually an insulated core PET foam that supports the structure and structural integrity of the roof.”

Zebian also believes these homes don’t have to be purely utilitarian—they can also offer attractive design and customizable features to make them personal and appealing.

“Essentially, what I’m trying to do is bring a home to the public that could be built in one day, is affordable, and still carries some architecturally striking features,” he said to the London Free Press. “We don’t want to be bringing a house to Canadians that is just boxy and that not much thought was put into it.”

Beginning in May 2026, Zebian is putting his modular home prototype to the test by living inside of a unit for a full year with the hope of working out any and all kinks before approaching manufacturers.

“We want to see if we can make it through all four seasons- summer, winter, spring, and fall,” said Zebian. “But that’s not the only thing. When you live in something that long and use it, you can notice every single mistake and error, and you can optimize for the best experience.”

While Zebian knows that his modular homes aren't a long-term solution to either the homeless or housing crisis, he believes they could provide an inexpensive option to help people get the shelter they need until certain policies are reformed so the unhoused can find affordable permanent dwellings.

@hard.knock.gospel

What to buy for the homeless at the grocery store. 🛒 Most people get it wrong. After being there myself, these are the survival items that actually matter 💯 The 2nd to last one is about more than survival—it’s about DIGNITY. We are all one circumstance away from the same shoes 🙏 SAVE this for your next grocery run. 📌 IG@hardknockgospel Substack@ Outsiders_Anonymous #homelessness #helpingothers #kindness #payitforward #learnontiktok

Zebian’s proposal and experiment definitely inspires others to try to help, too. If you wish to lend a hand to the unhoused community in your area in the United States, but don’t know where to look, you can find a homeless shelter or charity near you through here. Whether it’s through volunteering or through a donation, you can help make a difference.

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German man picks apart the American habit of smiling at strangers in the most German way

Public transportation is a "smile-free zone."

Germany; German; smiling; culture; cultural norms; smiling at strangers; customer service
Photo credit: Canva

A German man explains why smiling at strangers in public is weird in Germany

Americans have such an interesting reputation internationally, but one that seems to give our nationality away in Germany is our habit of smiling. That's not to say that Germans don't smile because of course they do! But they don't smile while passing strangers on the street or use it as a social nicety.

Some may consider the constant smiling that many Americans do as fake or disingenuous because it's not part of their cultural norms. Dominik, a German man who runs the YouTube channel Get Germanized, explains that Americans may be taken aback by the lack of smiling by German citizens in public settings.

In America, it's considered polite to smile when greeting people or even when entering a place of business while passing another customer. It's a social norm that signals to the other person that you're acknowledging them. Sometimes this can be followed by a good morning or a thank you if the person in question held the door. There are places in the country where this is not as prevalent, but even in large cities where everyone seems to be in a rush, smiling still seems to be an understood custom.

Germany; German; smiling; culture; cultural norms; smiling at strangers; customer service Smiling girl chatting outdoors with a friend.Photo credit: Canva

Cultures vary from state to state, so it's no surprise that German social niceties are different than those in the U.S., Dominik explains, "Smiling is social lubricant everywhere else. [In] Many cultures, especially English-speaking ones, smiling is a social default. You smile at strangers. You smile to soften social interactions. You smile even when you don't mean it. It's a universal, friendly, 'I'm harmless' gesture. In Germany, that's suspicious. People will think, 'Why is this person smiling at me?'"

He goes on to share that the German smile is rare because it is only used when they're familiar with the person and are genuinely happy or amused. According to Dominik, a German offering up smiles to random people could "feel fake, intrusive, or overly familiar." It can also be seen as nervousness, insecurity, or manipulation. Germans don't smile to soothe the discomfort of themselves or others. Instead, their faces remain neutral until they experience an emotion that would elicit change.

"German communication is built on honesty. Not just in words, their body language too. If they're tired, you'll see it. If they're annoyed, you'll feel it. If they're happy, they'll show it, but only when they actually are. No forced cheerfulness. No plastic service smile. No, 'How are you? Fine,' dance. It's refreshing once you get used to it. Like taking off a mask you didn't know was there," Dominik says.

The no-smiling cultural norm extends to the service industry in Germany. Customer service employees are there to solve the customer's problems, not to be entertaining. Dominik explains that Germans trust professionals who look focused while working. Even on public transportation, no smiling is going on between commuters; people mind their own business. They're not unfriendly, they're respecting your space." Dominik shares.

Germany; German; smiling; culture; cultural norms; smiling at strangers; customer service Smiling warmly in a cozy sweater, feeling relaxed and happy.Photo credit: Canva

The German culture enthusiast assures viewers that Germans smile a lot, but it's reserved for friends, families, and cute puppies. They also smile at people they like, so it's not that Germans think Americans are strange for smiling; their cultural norms are just different.

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Mom realizes she's been using the 'heavy' setting on her washer wrong for years—and fellow moms are shook

"Today years old when I realize why my blankets are sopping wet."

washer, washing machine setting, how to use washing machine, laundry, laundry tips
Image courtesy of @granolabarpan/Instagram (with permission)

Stay-at-home mom Catrina shares shock at learning what the 'heavy' setting on her washer means.

Knocking out loads of laundry is a feeling of accomplishment that is unmatched. Depending on what needs to be washed, washing machines offer a variety of settings for the ideal clean. But even the most seasoned laundry pros can admit that they don't fully understand how to use them properly.

One stay-at-home mom shared her funny and relatable washing machine mistake. Catrina (@granolabarpan) got the shock of a lifetime when she realized that she had been using the "heavy" setting on her washer wrong for years.

"POV: today years old when it clicks why my blankets are sopping wet!!! I thought HEAVY meant heavy items being washed," she wrote in the video's overlay.

"Heavy on my machine means heavily soiled," she went on to add in the comments. "I thought it meant the stuff I was putting in the machine was heavy in weight/pounds."

Some moms are also realizing this for the first time. "Ok.. so I am 66 years old learning this???!! I always thought that heavy meant weight also😂," one person commented. Another person wrote, "Well I was today years old when I learned what heavy meant too…😂"

Others expressed confusion with so many settings, and reminiscing on simpler times. "Wait a minute. 😂. I think I need to for once go and read the manual because I have been wondering about all of the options," another user wrote. And another chimed in, "I want my old $250 3 options hot/warm/cold on/off washer back. It didn’t die it rusted out but took 25yrs to do it. I had 5 kids, plus my ex in-laws living with me."

Washing machine settings, explained

Struggling to understand the settings on your washing machine? You're not alone.

"Knowing these settings helps avoid common laundry mistakes, such as using the heavy cycle for heavy fabric weight instead of heavy soil, which can lead to ineffective cleaning or damage over time," Vanessa Ruiz, a professional organizer at Sparkly Maid San Antonio, tells Upworthy.

These are five washing machine settings and how they work:

1. Normal/Regular Cycle
Ruiz explains that this is your typical setting for day-to-day loads such as t-shirts, jeans, sheets, and underwear.

"These laundry loads are typically washed in warm water and the setting is rinsed with medium spin speeds through agitation in order to properly clean moderately soiled garments," she says. "This cycle is safe enough to wash a variety of different fabric content with a somewhat dirty load."

2. Delicate/Gentle Cycle
Ruiz notes that the delicate cycle is created specifically for delicate fabrics—lingerie, silk, lace, or embellished clothing—that may become damaged in a normal or regular wash.

"This cycle will use moderate spin speeds through gentle agitation to thoroughly dry clean and not damage clothes too easily," says Ruiz. "This is the preferred cycle when laundry items that require extra care or are labeled 'delicate' or 'hand wash' need to be washed."

3. Heavy Duty Cycle
The heavy duty cycle is specifically for heavily soiled items like work clothes, kitchen towels, and bedding.

"This setting uses higher water temperatures, longer wash times, and powerful agitation to remove stubborn dirt and grime. It’s perfect for those tough laundry jobs, but not recommended for delicate fabrics," explains Ruiz.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

4. Bulky/Bedding Cycle
This cycle is often confused with "heavy."

"This cycle accommodates larger, heavier items that absorb a lot of water, such as comforters, pillows, and sleeping bags," says Ruiz. "It uses more water, medium spin speeds, and longer wash times to thoroughly clean bulky items without causing damage or imbalance."

5. Quick Wash
In a rush? This is the perfect setting to use.

"It is an accelerated wash cycle designed for small loads of lightly soiled clothes, usually lasting 15 to 40 minutes," says Ruiz. "It’s great for when you need clean clothes fast and can save energy compared to longer cycles."

This article originally appeared last year.

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79-year-old man publicly sings Barry Manilow's 'Mandy' to his dental hygienist and nails it

"Barry Manilow will be proud."

senior citizen, elderly, karaoke, music, Barry Manilow, singing
Photo Credit: Canva

An elderly man sings karaoke. Barry Manilow poses for a headshot.

Sometimes, people just want to sing. They imagine themselves belting out their favorite tunes to whomever will listen. But for many, anxiety overtakes their fantasy. The thought of messing up or sounding bad is just too terrifying, and they end up keeping their songs to themselves.

Luckily for a 79-year-old man named Colin in Barnsley in the UK, the opportunity to turn this fantasy into a reality presented itself. Singer/songwriter Ruth Lisgo had begun recording karaoke on the street, occasionally handing out a microphone to those who wanted to join in on harmonizing or singing a verse or two.

Colin first went viral after singing "Words" by the Bee Gees. Lisgo states on an Instagram post that "over one million have now viewed that video."

@ruthlisgomusic

Replying to @Sir Nick the Naughty I absolutely agree Nick. So often when I’m busking I come across people who have so many stories to tell and often in life it just takes a few minutes to really make a difference with someone by listening ❤️ 🙏 Colin has many stories I’m sure #words #beegees #busking #takethetime

Well, Colin has returned a few times, most recently to belt out "Mandy" by Barry Manilow. An added bonus is that he dedicated his rendition to none other than his dental hygienist.

In a chyron over the clip, Lisgo explains, "This man asked if he could sing on my mic. He told me he only sang karaoke at home when he was younger, but always loved singing and music. But he was afraid of forgetting words and being on a stage. He came back today to sing this for his dental hygienist who had seen the video of him singing 'Words' by the Bee Gees, and she requested him to sing this ahead of her going to a Barry Manilow concert in 2026."

Clad in a warm coat and beanie, Colin grasps the microphone. His hands seem to shiver in the cold, but what comes out of his voice is pure warmth and perfection. He begins, "I'm standing on the edge of time. I've walked away when love was mine." For a moment, he blanks on the following lyric, "Caught up in a world of uphill climbing, the tears are in my mind and nothing is rhyming." But Lisgo steps in to help him find his way.

Now for the chorus and a key change: "Oh Mandy! Well, you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away. Oh Mandy! Well, you kissed me and stopped me from shaking. And I need you today. Oh Mandy!"

The clip jump cuts to both Colin and Lisgo caught up in the moment. You can clearly feel the pride, smiles, and applause as Lisgo flips the camera to reveal a small crowd has formed. Lisgo asks commenters under her Instagram post to please share where they live so Colin can feel love from all over the world.

Over 5,500 people (and counting) did just that. Chiming in from Canada to Turkey to Finland to Sweden, compliments poured in by the hour. "Wonderful moment for him and for us," one Instagrammer writes.

Another addresses their comment directly to Lisgo, praising her for bringing so much joy. "I don't know you, but I actually watched your reaction to him singing and it was beautiful. I could see the heart and kindness in your face." Lisgo replies sharing how moved she was, writing, "I was brought to tears and I was feeling so much in this moment. It really was special and magic - thank you!"

Another commenter shares what so many of us believe: "Barry Manilow will be proud."

Colin sings full-version of "Mandy" by Barry Manilow. www.youtube.com, Ruth Lisgo

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Real people say this post-hangout question helps keep friendships alive

"It's such a simple and effective way to show love..."

friendships, hangouts, friends, organizers, adult friendships, how to stay friends,
Photo credit: Canva, alvarog1970 from alvarostock (main image) / anlomaja (text box)

People think this post-hangout question can be a friendship game-changer.

It's not always easy to maintain close friendships as an adult. Everyone's busy and to some degree exhausted, and free time is scarce. So how do we maximize our friend time? And how do we reach out without looking too pushy? A regular person offered a suggestion: asking one thoughtful post-hangout question that's made their friendships "so much stronger."

It's pretty simple: "When's the next time I'll see you?"

Here's their logic: "You're showing enthusiasm for seeing your friend again, reassuring them you had a good time, and planning the next time you'll see each other all in one go," they wrote on Reddit. "Obviously this requires the friend to reciprocate, but it's such a simple and effective way to show love that has had consistent, lasting effects on my friendships. I don't typically say this to new friends; it's for people that I'm confident I want consistently in my life."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Their trending post earned hundreds of replies, as people weighed in with their perspectives.

One person appeared to echo the OP's sentiment, talking about the importance of having a "chooser" in friendships—someone who will take on the role of making plans. "'Be a chooser' is the best advice I ever received," they wrote. "People want to hang out, but very few want to make the decision to hang out and organize it. Be the chooser…people will follow."

In reply, someone added, "I'm the planner and the calendar friend. For a long time, I took it so personal that no one else really planned things. But actually, people appreciate this. If they didn't, they'd make excuses to not hang out or would just say no instead of enthusiastically agree."

Here are more interesting comments, including some with a different perspective:

"This works because it removes guesswork"

"I have a group of girlfriends from college that get together every month for brunch, and most of them are also in a book club with me. At the end of each hang, whether it's brunch or book club, we get our calendars out and plan the next one. Occasionally we skip a month if there's a ton of conflicts, and not every person makes every single hang, but they happen very regularly and have been happening regularly for about 2 1/2 years now. We're all late 30s-mid 40s with careers and (in their cases,) spouses and families. 10/10 everyone should do this!"

"It rules that this works for you! I have to say, if someone asks me this, unless we're super duper bestest friends I'm just gonna say, 'hopefully soon- let's talk!" and not much will change. Seeing friends is more of a time issue than a desire issue IMO. Even if we want to plan things, we're busy a lot."

friendship, happiness, adult friendships, staying close with friends, friendship dynamics Two friends hugging. Photo credit: Canva, mododeolhar from Pexels

"I see the usefulness of this, but also I think this would low-key give me a panic attack if I just got done hanging out with someone and they wanted to plan the next one. I'm fully prepared to believe this is a 'me' thing"

"Agree with you in spirit but phrasing it that way puts a lot of pressure on them to figure out a date in advance, and some people don't like to plan far in advance."

"Instead I usually go with something like 'what's our next thing?' Easier for another person to figure out what something is than when on the spot"

"I love this because it shows intention without being clingy. So many friendships fade just because no one makes the next step explicit. This feels simple, warm, and very human."

"If this isn't your speed, you can also text them the next day. This works well for anxious people because it also sends them an affirmation/aftercare if they are worried about the hangout."

"This works because it removes guesswork. Clear interest plus a next step keeps friendships from fading by accident."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Focus on the reception"

While some people felt the question could come off as pushy, the OP clarified their stance with a few key points: they don't ask it every time they see someone, particularly people they see often, and they always make sure to read the room. They continued, "You do NOT do this after an exhausting event, or with people who do not like planning. Sometimes it's a conversation opener; others it's a time to pull out the calendar. This works well for busy people who also like consistent quality time. If that is not you, that's okay."

While every friend dynamic is unique, it's natural to feel like you're constantly initiating hangout plans.

Friendship coach Danielle Jackson explored this idea in a 2021 YouTube video, explaining that there are three key things you can do if you feel like the "giver" in a relationship: give the other person the "opportunity to initiate," reframe how you view their contributions, and "focus on the reception" rather than the initiative. "At the end of the day," Jackson says, "it's less about who's asking and more about who's saying yes."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

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