Child sex trafficking organizations set the record straight on QAnon conspiracy theories

“Over 800,000 kids go missing in the U.S. every year! Child sex trafficking is the REAL pandemic. #SaveTheChildren #SaveOurChildren #ChildLivesMatter #Pedogate #Pedowood” If you’ve been on social media in the past month or two, you’ve likely seen memes or posts to this effect. And if you’re a person with a conscience, it likely caught your…

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“Over 800,000 kids go missing in the U.S. every year! Child sex trafficking is the REAL pandemic. #SaveTheChildren #SaveOurChildren #ChildLivesMatter #Pedogate #Pedowood”

If you’ve been on social media in the past month or two, you’ve likely seen memes or posts to this effect. And if you’re a person with a conscience, it likely caught your eye. Children being trafficked for sex—that’s horrible!

Yes, it is. It’s absolutely horrible. Child sex trafficking is basically the worst thing human beings can do, no question. But what do those #Pedogate and #Pedowood hashtags mean?

Yes, those. Unfortunately, they point directly to a QAnon-perpetuated conspiracy theory in which the world is being controlled by an elite global cabal of pedophilic Hollywood celebrities and high-level politicians (including Tom Hanks, Oprah, Hillary Clinton, and more) who secretly traffick, abuse, and torture children so they can harvest a fear-induced hormone in their blood to make adrenocrhome, which they consume to keep them young and/or imbibe during their drug-crazed Satanic rituals.

What?! That’s crazy.

Yes, it is. It’s absolutely crazy. But there are a baffling number of people who believe it, including people who will likely soon be serving in Congress. Many of these people are sharing the #SaveOurChildren and #ChildLivesMatter hashtags right along with #Pedowood and #Pedogate. They conflate this huge number of missing kids with the issue of child sex trafficking, and then point to the celebrity/politician cabal conspiracy theory in the same breath, as if it’s all the same thing.

It is not.


The reality is that child sex trafficking is a multi-billion dollar, heinous, disgusting, global industry—but it’s not new. It’s not a sudden and massive crisis that “the media” is ignoring or that governments and NGOs aren’t addressing. Unfortunately, QAnon believers have pushed a lot of misinformation and misleading information into the awareness surrounding this issue that needs to be corrected.

To get to the heart of what child sex trafficking really looks like—and to be thorough in the debunking of QAnon’s child trafficking theories—we spoke with organizations whose work centers around stopping trafficking and protecting missing and exploited children.

The QAnon Misinformation

A common question people who have been sucked in by the QAnon world ask is: How do you know it’s not true if it’s never been investigated?

Some things are simply too ridiculous to be entertained, which honestly should be the case with the QAnon cabal theory. But since it’s somehow slipped into the mainstream, it has to be addressed head on.

So I swallowed my pride and directly asked anti-trafficking organizations—the people who specialize in this subject and are intimately involved in investigations—whether or not there was any truth to the theory. It was humiliating, frankly, but I straight up asked them: “It’s a known fact that child abusers often hide in plain sight and that high-profile people can be abusers. Based on your work, have you seen any evidence that there is a global cabal of pedophile elites who traffick children in a coordinated underground effort to harvest adrenochrome?”

Across the board, the answer was “No.”

I also asked this question: “Pedophiles and traffickers sometimes use coded symbols and code words in their communications with one another. Is there any official documentation that the words ‘pizza’ or ‘hot dog’ or ‘sauce’ have been used for such a purpose? (Or more directly, are the Wikileaks emails evidence of child sex trafficking?)”

Again, the answer was no. Of course.

(For those new to Conspiracyland, the code words question came from the claim QAnon folks make that the FBI has a list of code words and symbols that support the Pizzagate theory, which posits that Hillary Clinton and associates were discussing their dastardly pedophile deeds in code words—pizza, sauce, etc.—via emails released by Wikileaks. The FBI has documented known pedophile symbols, but none of the supposed code words in the Wikileaks emails are listed among them And the Washington D.C. police have called Pizzagate “a fictitious online conspiracy theory.”)

Erin Williamson, VP of Global Programs for Love146—an organization that has been working with sex trafficking prevention and survivor care for 17 years—says that conspiracy theories like this just makes more work for the people trying to do the work of educating the public.

“If somebody comes to know trafficking and has no preconceived notions of what trafficking is, you’re starting with a blank slate,” she says. “You can build from zero. But if someone’s coming to the trafficking movement or approaching this issue with preconceived incorrect information, then first you have to get them to the point where they realize all of the information that they’ve learned thus far is inaccurate before you can start building the accurate information. And it just is going to take so much longer to get people to a point where they actually understand what this accurately looks like.”

A national organization that asked to remain anonymous (understandable, considering how my own inbox fills with people accusing me of being a pedophile each time I write about how QAnon is bunk) told Upworthy, “Questions like this distract from the realities of how sex trafficking actually occurs. Offenders do often communicate in code but we haven’t seen any such official documentation and don’t consider the Wikileaks emails credible. Unfounded conspiracy theories minimize, distract and draw valuable resources away from the tireless work being done by child protection advocates on the ground.”

The Polaris Project, which runs the National Trafficking Hotline, offered an example of how resources get usurped by these theories. Last month, a rumor started circulating in the QAnon sphere that the Wayfair website was being used to traffick children because someone spotted an strangely expensive cabinet with a female name.

“The Wayfair theory resulted in online harassment and privacy intrusions of people mistakenly believed to be victims, as well as broad sharing of online sexual abuse material of actual victims who have not been connected in any way to Wayfair,” Polaris told Upworthy. “This harm is real for survivors who want to maintain their privacy, victims who are being re-exploited by broader distribution of their abuse materials, or bystanders whose lives can be overwhelmed by the actions of potentially well-meaning online communities.”

In addition, Polaris adds, “Conspiracies distract from the more disturbing but simple realities of how sex trafficking actually works, and how we can prevent it.”

But isn’t awareness about child sex trafficking a good thing, even if it’s not all factual?

Love146’s Erin Williamson says no.

“In the short term, it might make people aware that there is an issue of child trafficking that exists,” she says.”But if that doesn’t lead to somebody actually engaging with the issue and taking effort to join the movement to actually effectively eradicate the issue, then no. It’s harmful. It’s just a bunch of white noise that’s sucking up resources.”

“The question really is how many of the people are going to, as a result of this, actually have enough concern about child trafficking that they do more research, effectively realize what the issue is about, and then consistently or actively engage in addressing it,” she adds. “And I don’t think we fully know the percentage. My concern is that that percentage will be pretty low.”

Perpetuating these kooky cabal theories does more to hurt the child sex trafficking cause than to help it.

Those Missing Kids Numbers

But what about all those missing children then?

Every organization I spoke to pointed out that there are no hard and fast numbers because there’s no way to know exactly how many kids are being trafficked or exploited beyond what gets reported. We know that a lot of exploitation doesn’t get reported, but most kids who go missing do get reported somewhere.

Two organizations pointed me to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) for missing children statistics. The NCMEC states, “According to the FBI, in 2019 there were 421,394 NCIC entries for missing children. In 2018, the total number of missing children entries into NCIC was 424,066.” They clarify that this number represents individual reports of missing children, not the number of missing children themselves. If a child runs away multiple times in a year, each instance is counted separately and included in the yearly total, so the total number of missing children is likely less than those total numbers.

That’s a lot of children; however, the vast majority of missing kids make it back home pretty quickly. Think of kids who run away to a friend’s house and the parents can’t find them, kids who get lost temporarily, or kids who get taken or not returned by a parent in a custody dispute.

The kids who don’t return home and who are at risk of exploitation are where NCMEC comes in. In 2019, they assisted law enforcement and families with more than 29,000 cases. Less than one percent of those were non-family abductions, so the idea that loads of kids are just being snatched out of nowhere and sold for sex is totally inaccurate. In addition, NCMEC reports that 91 percent of those cases (around 26,300) were endangered runaways, and of those kids, 1 in 6 were likely victims of child sex trafficking. One is too many, of course, and these numbers are significant. But they’re nowhere near 800,000.

Statistics come in various forms, of course. The Polaris Project, which runs the National Trafficking Hotline, tells Upworthy, ” In 2019, the National Human Trafficking Hotline reported 2,582 underaged individuals involved in trafficking situations (all types).” However, they note, “It is incredibly important to note that these figures cannot be construed as prevalence.”

Again, one child is too many, and these statistics only represent a fraction of the problem. Sharing these numbers is not meant to downplay the issue at all, but rather to explain that there’s no real basis for the idea that 800,000 kids go missing and get sucked into child sex trafficking each year in the U.S.

So where did that number come from? There were some articles in the early 2000’s that cited numbers close around 800,000. But the most recent statistics are shared above.

Numbers are always a bit fuzzy. What we do know is that children are being trafficked and exploited. Far too many, far too often.

What Child Sex Trafficking Really Looks Like

Child sex trafficking is a complex industry. Sometimes it looks like children being physically transported place to place and being bought and sold for sex. Sometimes it’s kids being used to create child pornography. Sometimes it’s a drug-addicted parent renting out their children to get money for their addiction. Sometimes it’s teens recruiting other teens to engage in sex or create sexual images for money.

Love146’s Williamson explained that trafficking can look very different in different parts of the world.

“We run a program in the Philippines, and most of our children come into that program under 10,” says Williamson.. “We’ve accepted kids under the age of one into that program. In those situations, it’s really familial a lot of times, and a lot of what is happening is happening over webcams. You’ll also see reports of labor trafficking happening in other countries at very young ages.

“What we see in the United States and what we’re working with is different. We’re not seeing as many under 10 year olds trafficked. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen—it does. But more of what we’re seeing are adolescents. Preteen and teenagers who are being groomed and recruited, and while some is familial, a lot is not familial.”

Williamson explains that the term “runaway” is a bit of a misnomer because some runaways are teens who get pulled away from home by traffickers in sneaky ways.

“Part of what traffickers do is they recruit and groom,” she says. “They engage in a relationship for the purposes of exploiting this kid for trafficking. So it can appear that a kid is running away, or choosing to leave their house willingly, but it’s actually an intentionality on the part of the traffickers to make it appear that way…to make it appear that way to law enforcement, to the parents, and to the child themselves. So the child says things like, ‘I chose to go, I chose to meet up with so and so who I met online, or to meet up with so and so who I met in the park.’ So again, even when we talk about the term runaway…they’re really being groomed and recruited away from their home.”

One common theme among the organizations I communicated with is that there are well-known conditions that greatly increase a child’s chances of being trafficked.

Polaris Project says:

“Traffickers recognize and take advantage of people who are vulnerable in certain ways. There are several factors that may make a child vulnerable to sex trafficking including having an unstable living situation, having a history of domestic or sexual abuse, being frequent runaways, being involved in the juvenile justice or foster care systems, experiencing poverty or financial need, and/or dealing with addiction. While anyone can be trafficked, just as anyone can become a victim of any crime, due to factors such as historical oppression, discrimination, and generational trauma, LGBTQ+ youth and youth of color are more likely to be trafficked.”

The anonymous organization also explained that certain conditions make kids more vulnerable. “Certain kids who are homeless or runaways, belong to certain minority groups, and who have contact with the child welfare system are particularly vulnerable to this type of exploitation.”

Polaris also points out, “In the case of child sex trafficking in particular, the vast majority of victims know their traffickers and trust them. They may be professional traffickers who carefully groom young people on line and lure them into trafficking situations. They may well also be their parents, or other family members or trusted friends.”

What We Can Do About it

Learning about the realities of child sex trafficking is the first step. The issue is complex and multi-faceted, but just because it’s not simple or easy to solve doesn’t mean there’s nothing we can do.

One active thing we can do is what trafficking looks like.

“Trafficking is rarely perpetrated by a total stranger who kidnaps children,” says Polaris Project. “What we frequently see through the Trafficking Hotline are stories of people being trafficked by intimate partners, family members, and others that they know and may even love and trust.”

We can also make sure kids we are in contact with know that we are safe people they can go to if they are in an unsafe situation.

“When we talk to kids, it is always the little things that made the difference,” says Love 146’s Williamson. “It is always the neighbor who asked how they were doing, who then they realized was a safe person, that they could eventually talk to about what was happening to them in their house. It is always the teacher who they would curse out who would say ‘I’m still here for you whenever you need something.’ It is the little things that make a difference in a child’s life.”

Williamson also points out that the systemic issues we debate over in our society also impact child sex trafficking, and addressing those issues will help reduce the vulnerabilities that lead to exploitation.

“For most of us who have been working in this field long enough, there’s now a general recognition that we’re not going to arrest and prosecute our way out of this issue,” she says, “We’ve tried that. That isn’t happening. We need to go upstream. We need to deal with all of the things that make people vulnerable—the inequalities, the racism, the sexism, the homophobia. We need to address all of these issues that have all sorts of consequences, of which trafficking is one of them. It takes a while to get somebody to understand how this is all interrelated.

So when I hear somebody say, ‘Black Lives Matter? What about children’s lives? There’s been a couple of quotes like that. ‘Why are we marching for Black Lives Matter? Where’s the outcry for trafficked children?’ and comparing those two. First of all, this is not a dichotomy—we should be addressing all of this. And my thing is when you look at the statistics, especially here in the United States, trafficking is disproportionately affecting children of color. And so racism is at the heart of both of these issues, when you’re talking about the disproportionality of violence against people of color. So it’s not an either/or. It’s actually a yes/and. Which is why we have to go upstream and start addressing some of these systemic issues.”

To learn more about the real issue of child sex trafficking, check out these organizations’ websites:

Polaris Project

Love146

The Exodus Road

ECPAT-USA

Child Rescue Coalition

Thorn

Operation Underground Railroad

International Justice Mission

  • Winston Churchill battled his depression by staying busy, laying ‘200 bricks’ every day
    Photo credit: Wikipedia/YouTube/British MovietoneWinston Churchill turned to bricklaying to combat depression.
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    Winston Churchill battled his depression by staying busy, laying ‘200 bricks’ every day

    “…200 bricks and 2000 words a day,” Churchill wrote about his antidote to depression.

    Winston Churchill, former prime minister of the United Kingdom, referred to his depression and dark moods as the “Black Dog.” He never hid his struggle, and those close to him knew about it.

    In a personal letter to his wife, Clementine, Churchill wrote:

    “Alice [Guest] interested me a great deal in her talk about her doctor in Germany, who completely cured her depression. I think this man might be useful to me—if my Black Dog returns. He seems quite away from me now. It is such a relief. All the colours came back into the picture. Brightest of all your dear face—my Darling.”

    Churchill turned to physical activity to help subdue the “Black Dog,” including painting. Another pursuit that helped him was bricklaying.

    Churchill becomes a bricklayer

    His passion for bricklaying took center stage at his family’s estate, Chartwell, where he constructed many new additions. His daughter, Mary, wrote:

    “While my father was constructing the red-brick walls which now surround the garden, he had the delightful idea of building a little one-roomed cottage in the line of the wall for Sarah and me: it was meant for us both, but Sarah, who had started at boarding school in 1927, outgrew its pleasures fairly soon, and this charming dwelling became known as the Marycot.”

    Churchill became such a prolific bricklayer that he officially joined the Amalgamated Union of Building Trades Workers in 1928 while serving as Chancellor of the Exchequer, according to The New York Times.

    Churchill also wrote in September 1928 about his bricklaying at Chartwell: “I have had a delightful month building a cottage and dictating a book: 200 bricks and 2000 words a day.”

    He continued bricklaying through the 1950s, according to the International Churchill Society.

    Churchill’s mental health theory

    In December 1921, Churchill wrote an essay for The Strand Magazine titled “Painting as a Pastime.” Churchill also used painting as a way to cope with depression, and he created more than 570 paintings during his lifetime.

    He fully explained his theory on restoring the mind through activity in this excerpt:

    “Many remedies are suggested for the avoidance of worry and mental overstrain by persons who, over prolonged periods, have to bear exceptional responsibilities and discharge duties upon a very large scale. Some advise exercise, and others, repose. Some counsel travel, and others, retreat. Some praise solitude, and others, gaiety. No doubt all these may play their part according to the individual temperament. But the element which is constant and common in all of them is Change. Change is the master key. A man can wear out a particular part of his mind by continually using it and tiring it, just in the same way as he can wear out the elbows of his coat. There is, however, this difference between the living cells of the brain and inanimate articles: one cannot mend the frayed elbows of a coat by rubbing the sleeves or shoulders; but the tired parts of the mind can be rested and strengthened, not merely by rest, but by using other parts.”

    The modern-day phrase “depression hates a moving target” was certainly something Churchill would have subscribed to.

  • Sally Field recalls Robin Williams trying (and failing) to make her laugh on ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’
    Photo credit: YoutubeSally Field and Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire.

    Robin Williams was notorious for making his scene partners crack up and break character with his off-the-cuff antics. However, one costar remained eternally stone-faced: Sally Field. 

    In an interview with Stephen Colbert, Field recalls working with Williams on the set of Mrs. Doubtfire, where he would constantly try, and fail, to elicit even a polite giggle from her. 

    Much to his disappointment, “I would never laugh, ever,” quipped Field, even when “ everybody else was laughing and carrying on.”

    One might assume that a consummate professional like Field perhaps felt the constant jokes were inappropriate or overly distracting. But no. They just weren’t her cup of tea. 

    “It wasn’t funny. It just wasn’t funny,” she told Colbert while chuckling. “Robin was always trying something different to make me laugh. It was so unfunny. I can’t begin to tell you.”

    The one joke that actually made Sally Field break

    Field remained Williams’ white whale throughout the entire production, which “drove him mad.” And to really add insult to injury, Pierce Brosnan successfully made her lose it with a simple fart gag. 

    “We were sitting at a table at the restaurant, and [Brosnan] made a fart noise on his arm. And I was gone. That was it. I laughed so hard they had to redo my makeup.”

    Why their chemistry in Mrs. Doubtfire still feels so real

    Knowing their behind-the-scenes dynamic adds a whole new layer of authenticity to Mrs. Doubtfire, doesn’t it?

    In the movie, Field and Williams are a divorced couple. Miranda, portrayed by Field, constantly feels like she is having to bear all the responsibility of raising their three children while Daniel, played by Williams, seemingly never takes anything seriously. 

    That said, Williams and Field still seemed to have a genuine friendship. 

    In 2024, she told Vanity Fair that her father had passed away during filming. 

    sally field, robin williams, mrs. doubtfire
    The Mrs. Doubtfire movie poster IMDB

    “I was of course beside myself,” Field shared. “I came on the set trying with all my might to act. I wasn’t crying. Being extremely “sensitive and intuitive,” Williams picked up that something was wrong, and even made arrangements for Field to leave filming to make arrangements. 

    “Robin came over, pulled me out of the set, and asked, ‘Are you OK?’” she told Vanity Fair. When Field answered, Williams replied, “Oh my God, we need to get you out of here right now. And he made it happen—they shot around me the rest of the day.”

    So, while Williams might have never made Field chuckle, it feels safe to say that he nevertheless won her respect and admiration. 

    Field stars in the upcoming film adaptation of Remarkably Bright Creatures. While she hailed her costar Lewis Pullman as “one of the best leading men” she’s ever worked with, she didn’t say anything about him making her laugh either. Regardless, her warmth, humor, and emotional depth are just as magnetic today as they were during her unforgettable run alongside Williams.

    Watch the full interview below: 

  • Student tells teacher her ‘secret good news’ and it’s delightfully unexpected
    Photo credit: Image credit: @mrs.jamiesonskinders/TikTok (used with permission)Mrs. Jamieson's reaction to her student's "secret good news" was so pure.

    It’s no secret that teaching is tough, and educators deserve all the dollars we can throw at them. But that doesn’t mean the job doesn’t have its perks. Working with kids means witnessing all the wild, weird, and wonderful ways their brains work, which can result in some moments worth memorializing.

    Case in point: this video from kindergarten teacher Mrs. Jamieson, in which a student told her she had some “secret good news” to share with her.

    If you’ve spent much time with children, you might hold your breath waiting to hear what comes next. A phrase like “secret good news” could go in literally any direction, but no one expected the way this one would go.

    “Tell me your ‘secret good news,’ please,” Mrs. Jamieson said, undoubtedly bracing herself for whatever this little angel was about to say.

    “I’ve never told you I was an African-American,” the girl said, her smile obvious even though we can’t see her.

    Mrs. Jamieson, to her credit, made an incredulous face and said, “What?!”

    “I was an African-American this whole time!” the student said, giggling. Oh, what a darling. And wow, what a “secret” for a teacher to respond to.

    “Baby, I knew!” said Mrs. Jamieson. She asked the student if she had just found out she was African-American, and she said yes, her sister had told her. But the girl seemed utterly shocked that her teacher already knew.

    “Yeah,” Mrs. Jamieson said. “You’ve been African-American the whole time! Beautiful! So beautiful. I knew. And I knew you were beautiful.”

    teaching, teacher, kindergarten, students, children
    Kudos to kindergarten teachers everywhere. Photo credit: Canva

    The student giggled, then came around the desk for two big hugs. As the girl embraced her teacher, we can see her hands, which had some commenters cracking up. It was definitely no suprise to her teacher that she is African-American.

    The delight in the video isn’t just this child’s innocence, though. It was the way Mrs. Jamieson filled this little girl up with so much love.

    “I love you,” she said. “You bring so much joy to me. You fill my bucket, do you know that?”

    A teacher’s words hold a lot of power, for better and for worse. What a prime example of using that power in the best way.

    Kindergarten, teacher, kids, classroom
    Kindergartners say the darnedest things. Photo credit: Canva

    “I started recording when she first told me she had ‘secret’ good news because I didn’t know what was going to come out of her mouth, and I’m so glad I did!” Jamieson tells Upworthy. “This year has been a tough one, but in teaching, there’s always the ‘why’ moments. The moments that remind you why you do what you do, and the fact that I caught one on camera was amazing. When I watched it back, it brought me so much joy I couldn’t keep it to myself! The outpouring of love has been incredible.”

    So many commenters praised Mrs. Jamieson for the way she handled the totally unexpected revelation:

    “I was nowhere near prepared for that to be the secret. Your reaction was EVERYTHING though.”

    “Small children are the best 😭😭😩 Thank you for telling her you seen her the entire time and that she’s beautiful. 🩷👏🏾”

    “Thank you for not pretending like you didn’t know and ‘don’t see color.’ Thank you for pouring into her by saying hey, I already knew that AND, I already knew you were BEAUTIFUL. As a darker skinned black woman who has been in these spaces, I would have killed to have a teacher pour into me this way at such a young age. I am also a former long time educator and have so much respect for how you loved on her, including the hug(s). Way to go!”

    “Can I say I love that she called it ‘good news.’ When I was her age I was teased for being black and teased for my hair that for a while I wanted to be anything other than black. I love how proud she is and you affirming her.”

    Little kids and excellent teachers really are the best of us, aren’t they?

    You can follow Mrs. Jamieson on TikTok.

  • Letter from Hemingway to F. Scott Fitzgerald holds the tough love on imposter syndrome we all need

    Photo Credit: Lloyd Arnold/Wikimedia Commons and Studio Photographer/Wikimedia Commons

    A letter from Ernest Hemingway in 1934 is the perfect antidote to imposter syndrome.
    ,

    Letter from Hemingway to F. Scott Fitzgerald holds the tough love on imposter syndrome we all need

    “All you need to do is write truly and not care about what the fate of it is.”

    People have been struggling with imposter syndrome, or the deep fear that others will discover you’re a fraud, forever. The fear says that despite all the evidence to the contrary, you are a failure and are faking competence at all times.

    Though the term wasn’t coined until the 1970s, even one of the greatest American novelists of all time suffered from severe self-doubt: F. Scott Fitzgerald.

    It took Fitzgerald nine years after the release of The Great Gatsby to publish another book, and even still, he wasn’t confident in it. So, he wrote to a friend for advice: None other than Ernest Hemingway.

    If you’re looking for advice on how to defeat self-doubt and imposter syndrome, look no further than the words of wisdom written between two of the greatest literary minds of the 20th century.

    Hemingway gives Fitzgerald some much-needed tough love

    ernest hemingway, f scott fitzgerald, authors, famous writers, life advice, life tips, imposter syndrome, psychology, motivation, famous letters
    Ernest Hemingway in 1950. Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

    The Great Gatsby, today, is considered one of the great American novels. However, when it was published in 1925, the reception was lukewarm.

    “Fitzgerald’s Latest A Dud,” one newspaper headline read.

    Partially as a result, he fitzed and fussed over his next novel for years. He also struggled with mental health, his marriage, and alcoholism during that time. Finally, though, he followed up Gatsby with Tender Is the Night in 1934.

    By all accounts, Fitzgerald was not happy with the book, even though he had wanted it to become the best American novel of all time—an awful lot of pressure for anyone to put on themselves. He worried he’d never write anything as good as Gatsby again. He asked Hemingway for his opinion, which Hemingway gladly delivered in a way that only he could:

    “I liked it and I didn’t,” Hemingway writes, bluntly. He goes on for paragraphs about all the ways the book is lacking before softening. “It’s a lot better than I say. But it’s not as good as you can do.”

    Hemingway’s advice to F. Scott Fitzgerald on how to ignore the critics, including himself

    Though Hemingway chastised Fitzgerald for taking too many liberties with the story, “cheating,” and stuffing the novel with “good stuff… that it didn’t need,” he ultimately writes to console his friend.

    Or, as some would say, his “frenemy.”

    “For Christ sake write and don’t worry about what the boys will say nor whether it will be a masterpiece nor what. I write one page of masterpiece to ninety one pages of shit. I try to put the shit in the wastebasket. You feel you have to publish crap to make money to live and let live.”

    It’s brilliant advice. One way of conquering imposter syndrome is positive thinking and affirmations: “I do belong.”

    Another is to realize that everyone else around you is just making it up as they go, too. And that’s the point Hemingway is getting at. Even he, who had written The Sun Also Rises and A Farewell to Arms by this point, admits that most of what he writes is trash.

    A wonderful, if harsh, pep talk. But Hemingway isn’t finished:

    “Scott, good writers always come back. Always. You are twice as good now as you were at the time you think you were so marvellous. You know I never thought so much of Gatsby at the time. You can write twice as well now as you ever could. All you need to do is write truly and not care about what the fate of it is. … Go on and write.”

    ernest hemingway, f scott fitzgerald, authors, famous writers, life advice, life tips, imposter syndrome, psychology, motivation, famous letters
    A young F. Scott Fitzgerald. Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

    Modern psychologists’ advice has plenty of overlap with Hemingway

    In parts of his letter, Hemingway urged Fitzgerald to stop feeling bad for himself and to channel his pain into his best work.

    “Forget your personal tragedy. We are all bitched from the start and you especially have to hurt like hell before you can write seriously. But when you get the damned hurt use it.”

    One evidence-based strategy for overcoming imposter syndrome is coming up with what psychologists call a “post-mistake compassion plan.” It’s a strategy for moving forward with confidence after screwing up. That’s what Hemingway was trying to help Fitzgerald do; recognize that Tender Is the Night was perhaps not his best work, but that he was more than talented enough to get off the mat and come back stronger.

    No one is perfect, and falling down doesn’t mean you don’t belong.

    In the end, it’s hard to say if things did get better for Fitzgerald. LitHub writes, “he ended his too-short life doing Hollywood hack work to make ends meet before dying, largely forgotten, his final novel left unfinished. His life has long been viewed as a classic tragedy—glamorous rise, brutal fall.”

    But the result was not for a lack of his friends, like Hemingway, trying to help.

    “[I] was always trying to get him to work and tell the truth at least to himself,” Hemingway wrote. “Well, the hell with all of it.”

    We should all be so lucky as to have someone in our lives who will, harshly if need be, insist on reminding us of our own talent and worth.

  • Strangers have donated more than $125,000 to best friends who shared their heartfelt breast cancer story
    Photo credit: Images courtesy of Candace Eng and Diana PrinceDiana Prince and Candace Eng have been best friends for 50 years.
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    Strangers have donated more than $125,000 to best friends who shared their heartfelt breast cancer story

    “I want to pass on to others in need just how much total strangers have buoyed my spirits,” Candace Eng tells Upworthy.

    When Candace Eng and Diana Prince met in college 50 years ago, they had no idea they would become besties. It’s a friendship that has been both life-changing and life-saving for them.

    The friends were recently walking in New York City when they were asked whether they were best friends by Seth Clayton of Besties NYC. Candace revealed her breast cancer diagnosis and the support Diana has given her throughout it in the now-viral video. The emotional clip reached millions of people, inspiring many to donate to Candace’s cancer treatment.

    “We have been overwhelmed with the outpouring of support and kind comments,” the friends tell Upworthy. “Total strangers come up to us saying how much they have been touched by our genuine friendship. It’s amazing how many people just hug [us].”

    The story of Candace and Diana’s friendship

    “We met in September 1976 at Manhattan Community College, in an English class,” they tell Upworthy.

    They sat next to each other and exchanged numbers to keep in touch. Food brought them together after Candace and her mom invited Diana to lunch, where she was introduced to Chinese food for the first time. From there, their friendship grew.

    Candace began modeling and introduced Diana to the process. With shared modeling experiences, the two decided to start a tradition of spending holidays together. They both eventually married, and Diana moved to Connecticut. Candace had her son in 1989, with Diana following with her first son in 1992. Although their lives were busy, they still saw each other for the holidays.

    Diana and Candace at Candace’s baby shower. Photo credit: Image courtesy of Candace Eng and Diana Prince

    “As the boys aged, we started to get together more often and were always on the phone,” they share.

    Candace’s breast cancer diagnosis

    When Candace learned she had breast cancer, she immediately called Diana. Diana’s mom had cancer and suggested Candace get a second opinion. She learned her cancer was worse than the original diagnosis, but it was still in an early stage.

    “We went to all appointments together,” they share. 

    After Candace’s mastectomy, she spent her time recovering at Diana’s apartment. Her treatments have included chemotherapy, radiation, and immunotherapy, and Diana has been by her side every step of the way.

    “I know that if the tables were turned, Candace would be there in a heartbeat. Her love and friendship are totally unconditional,” Diana says. “Candace is a very giving person, to a fault, never thinking of herself.”

    Diana supports Candace during a cancer treatment. Photo credit: GoFundMe

    Strangers raise money for Candace

    Many people were touched by Candace and Diana’s friendship, and a GoFundMe was started by Diana’s husband, Kevin, to help cover Candace’s care and treatments.

    “She is facing all of this from public housing, on government assistance, food stamps, and Medicare,” he wrote in the GoFundMe. “She has spent her life on the bottom rung, and now she’s fighting the hardest battle of that life with almost nothing in her pockets.”

    Thousands of generous people donated, raising more than $125,000 to help support her.

    “I want to pass on to others in need just how much total strangers have buoyed my spirits,” says Candace. “I am a changed person who has gained self-confidence and believes in herself now.  If we can change people’s lives, we will be happy.  The experience of strangers wanting to have or give us a hug is amazing. We both realize how important touch is and how healing a simple hug or touch on the arm is to all of us.”

  • C.S. Lewis perfectly articulated how losing a friend affects your other friendships
    Photo credit: CanvaEach of our friends brings out a different part of us.
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    C.S. Lewis perfectly articulated how losing a friend affects your other friendships

    “In each of my friends, there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out…”

    When a friend dies, it can feel like a part of you died with them. And in some sense, it’s true. The parts of you that a friend brings out may not come out the same way with anyone else. Each of our relationships has its own unique dynamic, and every friendship taps into different parts of us.

    Author C.S. Lewis wrote about this truth in his book, The Four Loves. But he took it a step further to explain how losing one friend in a group changes our friendships with others who knew them, too.

    It may look like a math story problem at first, but stick with it: “If, of three friends (A, B, and C), A should die, then B loses not only A, but ‘A’s part in C,’ while C loses not only A but ‘A’s part in B.’”

    “In each of my friends, there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out,” he explains. “By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets.”

    Then he gives an example to illustrate. (The word Caroline might be confusing—it’s a formal adjective meaning “Charles-like.”):

    “Now that Charles is dead, I shall never again see Ronald’s reaction to a specifically Caroline joke. Far from having more of Ronald, having him ‘to myself’ now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald.”

    Group friendships can sometimes suffer from perceptions of favoritism or jealousy, but Lewis tosses that idea on its head.

    “Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves,” Lewis wrote. “Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, ‘Here comes one who will augment our loves.’ For in this love ‘to divide is not to take away.’”

    Is C.S. Lewis right about friendships and jealousy?

    The idea that different friends bring out different parts of us and the effect of friend loss on a friend group’s individual relationships feels pretty spot on. But what about friendship being the “least jealous of loves” part? Is that true?

    We’ve likely all seen or experienced the reality of group friendships, which can sometimes involve some feelings of jealousy. Maybe two friends hang out more with each other than they do with others in the group. Perhaps one friend makes a new connection with someone outside the friend group and starts pulling away. Jealousy can creep in when friendships shift.

    In an ideal world, Lewis is right that to divide love doesn’t take anything away, but that doesn’t mean jealousy never happens. And though it can pose problems, jealousy in friendship isn’t always a bad thing.

    In fact, a study from Arizona State University, Oklahoma State University, and Hamilton College found that feelings of jealousy can actually be a useful tool in maintaining friendships. 

    “Getting jealous can sometimes be a signal that a friendship is threatened, and this signal can help us jump into action to invest in a friendship that we might have been neglecting,” said Athena Aktipis, assistant professor of psychology at ASU and author on the paper. 

    Friendships are good for us, even if we don’t technically need them

    Lewis also wrote in The Four Loves, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

    C.S. Lewis, college, friendships
    C.S. Lewis (top right, standing) with his University College classmates in 1917. (Photo credit: unknown/public domain

    Modern science agrees. Greek researchers conducted a meta-study of adult friendships and well-being, analyzing 38 research articles published from 2000 to 2019, and found:

    “Although individuals could reap the benefits of friendship from other social sources as well, it became evident that friendship is a special type of relationship, with a unique contribution to wellbeing. As a result, friendships have survived through the years and, in our days, are considered as vital to psychological flourishing.”

    Here’s to the friends who bring out the parts of us we might otherwise never see and who contribute to our psychological flourishing.

  • Sally Field shares her favorite memory working with Robin Williams on ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’: Playing ‘Zelda’
    Photo credit: Rhododendrites/Nintendo/Dave or Atox/Eva Rinaldi via WikiMedia CommonsSally Field and Robin Williams played "The Legend of Zelda" together while filming "Mrs. Doubtfire."

    Mrs. Doubtfire has been a comedy favorite for Millennials and many other generations since 1993. The movie starred Robin Williams and Sally Field as divorced parents, with Williams dressing in drag as the older Mrs. Doubtfire to work as a nanny and spend time with his children.

    Given the wacky hijinks of the film, many fans have wondered what it must have been like for the stars when the cameras were off. It turns out they fired up a Nintendo to play The Legend of Zelda between takes.

    Field was interviewed to promote the film Remarkably Bright Creatures alongside her co-star Lewis Pullman. The interviewer, Jake Hamilton, asked Field about her favorite memory working on the set of Mrs. Doubtfire with Williams. Field answered that one of her favorite memories was Williams coming to her rented apartment to play The Legend of Zelda together.

    Playing games, making movie memories

    Williams was known to be a Zelda enthusiast. What wasn’t widely known is that Field became just as big a fan. In fact, she currently has a Nintendo Switch 2 to keep playing the games.

    “We’d play the early games of Zelda together. Zelda, the computer game, that I still play with my grandsons,” said Field. “Even when my grandsons aren’t there, I pretend they are there. I play them.”

    Field then asked her younger co-star Pullman whether he played the games. She playfully chastised him when he admitted he was missing out.

    “What the hell is the matter with you?! It’s so fun,” she said with a laugh.

    Williams’ connection to The Legend of Zelda

    The Legend of Zelda is a Nintendo video game franchise that has released 21 games in the main series. Most of the games focus on the young warrior Link as he battles monsters and solves puzzles to rescue Princess Zelda. The series has continued to produce new entries since its debut in 1986.

    Williams became a fan of the original game when it was released in North America in 1987. He enjoyed it so much that he named his daughter after the titular character. When the developers of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time released the game for the Nintendo 3DS, Nintendo had both Robin and Zelda Williams star in heartfelt commercials for the game together.

    After his death, fans of the games found a possible reference to Williams in the The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom games. While it hasn’t been confirmed by Nintendo, gaming fans believe that the non-playable character Dayto is a tribute to him because of the facial and vocal resemblance between the two.

    Video games are a medium for all ages

    Field’s connection to the The Legend of Zelda franchise reinforces how video game fandom is becoming increasingly cross-generational, with many older people picking up a controller to play with their families and on their own. In the end, you can never know what a person is into based on appearances. As many gamers just discovered with Field, you don’t know what you might have in common with someone unless you ask.

  • People born before 1990 are sharing their now-useless (but 100% nostalgic) skills
    From holding the phone on your shoulder to folding a map to knowing what "cornflower" and "goldenrod" are, here are pre-Y2K skills at their finest.
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    People born before 1990 are sharing their now-useless (but 100% nostalgic) skills

    For instance, recording songs on tape from the radio while yelling at the DJ to shut up during the intro.

    Hey there, millennials! Welcome to the “Holy crapoly, I have real-life memories from 20 years ago!” club. It’s a strangely disorienting milestone to reach when you find yourself starting sentences with, “When I was young…” or, “Back in my day…” isn’t it? Your Gen X elders have been here for a while, but even we have moments of incredulously calculating how the heck we’ve arrived at this place. Time is a tricky little jokester, isn’t it?

    To highlight how much has changed for middle-aged folks since we were young, a user on Reddit asked people born before 1990 what useless skills they possess that nobody has a need for anymore. It’s both a hilarious trip down memory lane and a time capsule of life pre-Y2K. (Do kids these days even know what Y2K was? Gracious.)

    If you’re down for some good-old-days nostalgia, check out people’s responses:

    Making brown paper bag book covers

    “I can cover a textbook with a brown paper bag.”sourwaterbug

    Oh goodness yes. And there was always that one girl in class who had the art of the brown paper bag book cover perfected. (They’re probably Pinterest influencers now.)

    Maps on actual paper

    “I can re-fold a map correctly.” – JungleZac

    “Man remember actually using maps…I had an atlas with the road system in my car to navigate other states during road trips. Crazy.”jagua_haku

    How did we ever figure out how to get anywhere before GPS and Google Maps? (Two-inch thick road atlases in our car and stopping at gas stations to buy local maps while traveling, that’s how. Positively primitive.)

    Memorizing phone numbers and answering the house phone

    For real, though, kids these days don’t even know.

    “Remembering phone numbers.” greatmilliondog

    “Not only that, having to speak to your friend’s parents for a few minutes when you call their house.” Logical_Area_5552

    “How to take a message when the person they want to talk to isn’t there.” Amoori_A_Splooge

    How about dialing on a rotary phone, using a pay phone and making (or taking) a collect call?

    “Using your shoulder to hold a telephone up to your ear while doing multiple other things at once. Now, the phones are so damned small I drop them.” Regular_Sample_5197

    “100 ft phone cords ” mrch1ck3nn

    “I got in sooooo much trouble for stretching the phone cord into the bathroom for some privacy. Accidentally clotheslined Grandma She laughed about it but Mom was pissed!” AffectionateBite3827

    Recording songs off the radio was an art form

    I don’t think kids these days fully grasp how revolutionary Spotify and the like are for those of us who spent hours in front of the radio with our cassette tape recorder queued up at just the right spot waiting for the song we wanted to record to come on. And they will never, ever know the frustration of the DJ yapping right up until the lyrics start.

    Record to tape from the radio. Trying to make sure to not get the DJ/presenter talking sh-t or an ad”Gankstajam

    “‘Shut up, shut up, shut up!!! I’m trying to record my song!!!’” tearsonurcheek

    “Having the first side be tempting enough that they’d flip the other side to continue listening. That’s before continual playback machines existed. Had to flip the cassette.” CrunchyTeaTime

    “Haha yeah and trying to tell others so they don’t make random noise or knock on the door.” – anonymous

    “How about making cassette-based mix tapes, trying to figure out to the second, how many and which types of songs in which order, that would still fit perfectly on the length of tape per side.” – anonymous

    “People who make digital recordings do not have to worry about running out of tape.” – anonymous

    And there were many more, from rewinding a cassette tape with a pencil to writing in cursive to tearing the sides off of printer paper without tearing the paper itself. (Oh and, of course, the ability to count out change and understand what you’re supposed to do if something costs $9.91 and someone hands you $10.01.)

    Gotta love it when the things that used to be totally normal now sound like historic artifacts found in a museum. Kind of makes you wonder what normal things from today we’ll be laughing about in another 20 or 30 years.

    This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

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