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Child sex trafficking organizations set the record straight on QAnon conspiracy theories

Child sex trafficking organizations set the record straight on QAnon conspiracy theories

"Over 800,000 kids go missing in the U.S. every year! Child sex trafficking is the REAL pandemic. #SaveTheChildren #SaveOurChildren #ChildLivesMatter #Pedogate #Pedowood"

If you've been on social media in the past month or two, you've likely seen memes or posts to this effect. And if you're a person with a conscience, it likely caught your eye. Children being trafficked for sex—that's horrible!

Yes, it is. It's absolutely horrible. Child sex trafficking is basically the worst thing human beings can do, no question. But what do those #Pedogate and #Pedowood hashtags mean?

Yes, those. Unfortunately, they point directly to a QAnon-perpetuated conspiracy theory in which the world is being controlled by an elite global cabal of pedophilic Hollywood celebrities and high-level politicians (including Tom Hanks, Oprah, Hillary Clinton, and more) who secretly traffick, abuse, and torture children so they can harvest a fear-induced hormone in their blood to make adrenocrhome, which they consume to keep them young and/or imbibe during their drug-crazed Satanic rituals.

What?! That's crazy.

Yes, it is. It's absolutely crazy. But there are a baffling number of people who believe it, including people who will likely soon be serving in Congress. Many of these people are sharing the #SaveOurChildren and #ChildLivesMatter hashtags right along with #Pedowood and #Pedogate. They conflate this huge number of missing kids with the issue of child sex trafficking, and then point to the celebrity/politician cabal conspiracy theory in the same breath, as if it's all the same thing.

It is not.


The reality is that child sex trafficking is a multi-billion dollar, heinous, disgusting, global industry—but it's not new. It's not a sudden and massive crisis that "the media" is ignoring or that governments and NGOs aren't addressing. Unfortunately, QAnon believers have pushed a lot of misinformation and misleading information into the awareness surrounding this issue that needs to be corrected.

To get to the heart of what child sex trafficking really looks like—and to be thorough in the debunking of QAnon's child trafficking theories—we spoke with organizations whose work centers around stopping trafficking and protecting missing and exploited children.

The QAnon Misinformation

A common question people who have been sucked in by the QAnon world ask is: How do you know it's not true if it's never been investigated?

Some things are simply too ridiculous to be entertained, which honestly should be the case with the QAnon cabal theory. But since it's somehow slipped into the mainstream, it has to be addressed head on.

So I swallowed my pride and directly asked anti-trafficking organizations—the people who specialize in this subject and are intimately involved in investigations—whether or not there was any truth to the theory. It was humiliating, frankly, but I straight up asked them: "It's a known fact that child abusers often hide in plain sight and that high-profile people can be abusers. Based on your work, have you seen any evidence that there is a global cabal of pedophile elites who traffick children in a coordinated underground effort to harvest adrenochrome?"

Across the board, the answer was "No."

I also asked this question: "Pedophiles and traffickers sometimes use coded symbols and code words in their communications with one another. Is there any official documentation that the words 'pizza' or 'hot dog' or 'sauce' have been used for such a purpose? (Or more directly, are the Wikileaks emails evidence of child sex trafficking?)"

Again, the answer was no. Of course.

(For those new to Conspiracyland, the code words question came from the claim QAnon folks make that the FBI has a list of code words and symbols that support the Pizzagate theory, which posits that Hillary Clinton and associates were discussing their dastardly pedophile deeds in code words—pizza, sauce, etc.—via emails released by Wikileaks. The FBI has documented known pedophile symbols, but none of the supposed code words in the Wikileaks emails are listed among them And the Washington D.C. police have called Pizzagate "a fictitious online conspiracy theory.")

Erin Williamson, VP of Global Programs for Love146—an organization that has been working with sex trafficking prevention and survivor care for 17 years—says that conspiracy theories like this just makes more work for the people trying to do the work of educating the public.

"If somebody comes to know trafficking and has no preconceived notions of what trafficking is, you're starting with a blank slate," she says. "You can build from zero. But if someone's coming to the trafficking movement or approaching this issue with preconceived incorrect information, then first you have to get them to the point where they realize all of the information that they've learned thus far is inaccurate before you can start building the accurate information. And it just is going to take so much longer to get people to a point where they actually understand what this accurately looks like."

A national organization that asked to remain anonymous (understandable, considering how my own inbox fills with people accusing me of being a pedophile each time I write about how QAnon is bunk) told Upworthy, "Questions like this distract from the realities of how sex trafficking actually occurs. Offenders do often communicate in code but we haven't seen any such official documentation and don't consider the Wikileaks emails credible. Unfounded conspiracy theories minimize, distract and draw valuable resources away from the tireless work being done by child protection advocates on the ground."

The Polaris Project, which runs the National Trafficking Hotline, offered an example of how resources get usurped by these theories. Last month, a rumor started circulating in the QAnon sphere that the Wayfair website was being used to traffick children because someone spotted an strangely expensive cabinet with a female name.

"The Wayfair theory resulted in online harassment and privacy intrusions of people mistakenly believed to be victims, as well as broad sharing of online sexual abuse material of actual victims who have not been connected in any way to Wayfair," Polaris told Upworthy. "This harm is real for survivors who want to maintain their privacy, victims who are being re-exploited by broader distribution of their abuse materials, or bystanders whose lives can be overwhelmed by the actions of potentially well-meaning online communities."

In addition, Polaris adds, "Conspiracies distract from the more disturbing but simple realities of how sex trafficking actually works, and how we can prevent it."

But isn't awareness about child sex trafficking a good thing, even if it's not all factual? 

Love146's Erin Williamson says no.

"In the short term, it might make people aware that there is an issue of child trafficking that exists," she says."But if that doesn't lead to somebody actually engaging with the issue and taking effort to join the movement to actually effectively eradicate the issue, then no. It's harmful. It's just a bunch of white noise that's sucking up resources."

"The question really is how many of the people are going to, as a result of this, actually have enough concern about child trafficking that they do more research, effectively realize what the issue is about, and then consistently or actively engage in addressing it," she adds. "And I don't think we fully know the percentage. My concern is that that percentage will be pretty low."

Perpetuating these kooky cabal theories does more to hurt the child sex trafficking cause than to help it.

Those Missing Kids Numbers

But what about all those missing children then?

Every organization I spoke to pointed out that there are no hard and fast numbers because there's no way to know exactly how many kids are being trafficked or exploited beyond what gets reported. We know that a lot of exploitation doesn't get reported, but most kids who go missing do get reported somewhere.

Two organizations pointed me to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) for missing children statistics. The NCMEC states, "According to the FBI, in 2019 there were 421,394 NCIC entries for missing children. In 2018, the total number of missing children entries into NCIC was 424,066." They clarify that this number represents individual reports of missing children, not the number of missing children themselves. If a child runs away multiple times in a year, each instance is counted separately and included in the yearly total, so the total number of missing children is likely less than those total numbers.

That's a lot of children; however, the vast majority of missing kids make it back home pretty quickly. Think of kids who run away to a friend's house and the parents can't find them, kids who get lost temporarily, or kids who get taken or not returned by a parent in a custody dispute.

The kids who don't return home and who are at risk of exploitation are where NCMEC comes in. In 2019, they assisted law enforcement and families with more than 29,000 cases. Less than one percent of those were non-family abductions, so the idea that loads of kids are just being snatched out of nowhere and sold for sex is totally inaccurate. In addition, NCMEC reports that 91 percent of those cases (around 26,300) were endangered runaways, and of those kids, 1 in 6 were likely victims of child sex trafficking. One is too many, of course, and these numbers are significant. But they're nowhere near 800,000.

Statistics come in various forms, of course. The Polaris Project, which runs the National Trafficking Hotline, tells Upworthy, " In 2019, the National Human Trafficking Hotline reported 2,582 underaged individuals involved in trafficking situations (all types)." However, they note, "It is incredibly important to note that these figures cannot be construed as prevalence."

Again, one child is too many, and these statistics only represent a fraction of the problem. Sharing these numbers is not meant to downplay the issue at all, but rather to explain that there's no real basis for the idea that 800,000 kids go missing and get sucked into child sex trafficking each year in the U.S.

So where did that number come from? There were some articles in the early 2000's that cited numbers close around 800,000. But the most recent statistics are shared above.

Numbers are always a bit fuzzy. What we do know is that children are being trafficked and exploited. Far too many, far too often.

What Child Sex Trafficking Really Looks Like

Child sex trafficking is a complex industry. Sometimes it looks like children being physically transported place to place and being bought and sold for sex. Sometimes it's kids being used to create child pornography. Sometimes it's a drug-addicted parent renting out their children to get money for their addiction. Sometimes it's teens recruiting other teens to engage in sex or create sexual images for money.

Love146's Williamson explained that trafficking can look very different in different parts of the world.

"We run a program in the Philippines, and most of our children come into that program under 10," says Williamson.. "We've accepted kids under the age of one into that program. In those situations, it's really familial a lot of times, and a lot of what is happening is happening over webcams. You'll also see reports of labor trafficking happening in other countries at very young ages.

"What we see in the United States and what we're working with is different. We're not seeing as many under 10 year olds trafficked. I'm not saying it doesn't happen—it does. But more of what we're seeing are adolescents. Preteen and teenagers who are being groomed and recruited, and while some is familial, a lot is not familial."

Williamson explains that the term "runaway" is a bit of a misnomer because some runaways are teens who get pulled away from home by traffickers in sneaky ways.

"Part of what traffickers do is they recruit and groom," she says. "They engage in a relationship for the purposes of exploiting this kid for trafficking. So it can appear that a kid is running away, or choosing to leave their house willingly, but it's actually an intentionality on the part of the traffickers to make it appear that way...to make it appear that way to law enforcement, to the parents, and to the child themselves. So the child says things like, 'I chose to go, I chose to meet up with so and so who I met online, or to meet up with so and so who I met in the park.' So again, even when we talk about the term runaway…they're really being groomed and recruited away from their home."

One common theme among the organizations I communicated with is that there are well-known conditions that greatly increase a child's chances of being trafficked.

Polaris Project says:

"Traffickers recognize and take advantage of people who are vulnerable in certain ways. There are several factors that may make a child vulnerable to sex trafficking including having an unstable living situation, having a history of domestic or sexual abuse, being frequent runaways, being involved in the juvenile justice or foster care systems, experiencing poverty or financial need, and/or dealing with addiction. While anyone can be trafficked, just as anyone can become a victim of any crime, due to factors such as historical oppression, discrimination, and generational trauma, LGBTQ+ youth and youth of color are more likely to be trafficked."

The anonymous organization also explained that certain conditions make kids more vulnerable. "Certain kids who are homeless or runaways, belong to certain minority groups, and who have contact with the child welfare system are particularly vulnerable to this type of exploitation."

Polaris also points out, "In the case of child sex trafficking in particular, the vast majority of victims know their traffickers and trust them. They may be professional traffickers who carefully groom young people on line and lure them into trafficking situations. They may well also be their parents, or other family members or trusted friends."

What We Can Do About it

Learning about the realities of child sex trafficking is the first step. The issue is complex and multi-faceted, but just because it's not simple or easy to solve doesn't mean there's nothing we can do.

One active thing we can do is what trafficking looks like.

"Trafficking is rarely perpetrated by a total stranger who kidnaps children," says Polaris Project. "What we frequently see through the Trafficking Hotline are stories of people being trafficked by intimate partners, family members, and others that they know and may even love and trust."

We can also make sure kids we are in contact with know that we are safe people they can go to if they are in an unsafe situation.

"When we talk to kids, it is always the little things that made the difference," says Love 146's Williamson. "It is always the neighbor who asked how they were doing, who then they realized was a safe person, that they could eventually talk to about what was happening to them in their house. It is always the teacher who they would curse out who would say 'I'm still here for you whenever you need something.' It is the little things that make a difference in a child's life."

Williamson also points out that the systemic issues we debate over in our society also impact child sex trafficking, and addressing those issues will help reduce the vulnerabilities that lead to exploitation.

"For most of us who have been working in this field long enough, there's now a general recognition that we're not going to arrest and prosecute our way out of this issue," she says, "We've tried that. That isn't happening. We need to go upstream. We need to deal with all of the things that make people vulnerable—the inequalities, the racism, the sexism, the homophobia. We need to address all of these issues that have all sorts of consequences, of which trafficking is one of them. It takes a while to get somebody to understand how this is all interrelated.

So when I hear somebody say, 'Black Lives Matter? What about children's lives? There's been a couple of quotes like that. 'Why are we marching for Black Lives Matter? Where's the outcry for trafficked children?' and comparing those two. First of all, this is not a dichotomy—we should be addressing all of this. And my thing is when you look at the statistics, especially here in the United States, trafficking is disproportionately affecting children of color. And so racism is at the heart of both of these issues, when you're talking about the disproportionality of violence against people of color. So it's not an either/or. It's actually a yes/and. Which is why we have to go upstream and start addressing some of these systemic issues."

To learn more about the real issue of child sex trafficking, check out these organizations' websites:

Polaris Project

Love146

The Exodus Road

ECPAT-USA

Child Rescue Coalition

Thorn

Operation Underground Railroad

International Justice Mission

Gemma Leighton/Twitter
A 6-yr-old's art teacher said she did her painting 'wrong' and the responses are just great

The impulse and ability to create art is one of the highlights of being human. It's a key quality that sets us apart from the animal world, one that makes life more meaningful and enjoyable. While there are artistic skills that make it easier for people to bring their imaginations into the visible, tangible world, art doesn't abide by any hard and fast rules. Especially kids' art. Especially young kids' art.

There is no right or wrong in art, only expression and interpretation. That's the beauty of it. Unlike working with numbers and spreadsheets and data, there is no correct answer and no one way to arrive at the proper destination. As the famous quote from Dead Poet's Society goes, "Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for."

That's why one mom was furious when her 6-year-old's art teacher told the girl her painting was "wrong."

Gemma Leighton, mother of 6-year-old Edie, shared her daughter's painting on Twitter with a request for support. Edie created the painting in an after school art club, and her art teacher told her she did it wrong.

"You can't do art wrong!" wrote Leighton. "She was so upset as art is her favourite thing to do."


 

Now, we don't know exactly what the teacher said to Edie, or why, but if a 6-year-old comes home upset and feeling like there's something wrong with their art, the teacher did something wrong. Full stop. Six-year-olds are just beginning to learn about technique, and encouragement is the most vital thing a teacher can offer a budding artist.

The internet rightfully pounced to Edie's defense, and the responses are incredibly heartwarming.

Many people shared how hurt they were as children when a teacher told them something was wrong with their art—and that they were wrong. Knowing that grown-ups had experienced the same kinds of unnecessary criticism as kids and realized that it was wrong can help Edie feel confident that her painting is not "wrong."

Others pointed out the famous artists that her painting reminded them of. Seeing how her own painting reflects some of the style and color choices of professional artists can help Edie see the spark of genius in her own artwork.

 

Songwriter Kimya Dawson, most famous for her songs in the movie Juno, shared that a middle school English teacher had told her to stop writing poems because they were "too juvenile."

"I never stopped though and making rhyming poems has been my career for over 20 years!" Dawson wrote in a Reply. "Your painting is perfect! Keep it up! Don't worry what anyone else thinks."

Professional artists chimed in with words of encouragement, pointing out that Edie's use of perspective and expressionism were quite impressive for her age.

"The only 'wrong' is not making art that speaks from your heart," wrote an artist who goes by @Artsy on Twitter. "When she expresses her passion, her vision of her world, her personal reactions to what she sees and feels, she'll never be 'wrong.'"

Now that's how it's done! Experts say that not just general encouragement, but pointing out specific things in a child's work that are the building blocks of art and literacy are key to building their self-esteem. In fact, the creative process in and of itself is great at building a child's self-esteem! It allows them to practice independence and feel immense pride at their finished product, no matter what anyone thinks it looks like. Really the only way to turn art into a negative thing for a child is to criticize it.

Even KISS guitarist Paul Stanley offered Edie words of encouragement.

 art, artists, kids, children, kids art, imagination, play, creativity, self-esteem, education, teachers, parents, moms Judging technique can come later. Way later. For now, just let kids create.  Photo by Bahar Ghiasi on Unsplash  

"Your art is AWESOME!!!" he wrote.

"There is no such thing as doing art 'wrong.' There are only teachers who are wrong!!! Your art shows amazing freedom and spirit. How can that be 'wrong'?!?! Keep doing EXACTLY what you are doing. I LOVE it!!!"

 

Imagine being a heartbroken 6-year-old who has been told by a teacher that her art was wrong, and then seeing a flood of thousands of supportive comments from people who looked at the same piece of art and told you what they loved about it. This is how social media should be used. To lift people up, to encourage and inspire, to share beauty and creativity.

After the outpouring, Leighton created a new Twitter account called Edie's Art for people to share kids' artwork, and gracious, it's a delight to peruse.

There's nothing more pure, more colorful, more full of life than art that came from a child's imagination. They may not have the technical skills to perfectly create what they envision in their minds or what they're looking at for inspiration, but that's part of what makes it so beautiful. They aren't self-conscious enough yet to hold back, and their art comes from a place of confidence and acceptance of their own abilities—that is, until some adult comes along and squashes their artistic spirit.

 

One of my favorite things as a parent has been watching my kids' artistic expressions evolve as they've grown, and I've loved their artwork at every stage. And not just because I'm their mom, but because kid creations are the best reminder of how natural the human impulse to create really is, and how beautiful it is when we share that impulse without fear or doubt.

As for Edie, she didn't let that early criticism keep her down. The original story happened about four years ago, and today Evie continues to pursue art. Her mom still occasionally shares the odd piece or two on Twitter/X, and even posted a fun stop-motion video Evie created using one of her stuffed animals. Clearly, her creative spirit could not be suppressed so easily.

"Edie is now immersed in the digital art world and still creates wonderful things every day Keep creating little artists," her mom shared in a recent update on X.

Keep painting, Edie, and all you kiddos out there. Don't let one person's opinion—even a teacher's—hold you back.

This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.

A woman holding back her laughter.

One of the biggest topics in parenting these days is the mental and physical drain that comes with being the default parent in a family. The default parent is the one who is first in line when it comes to taking responsibility for parenting duties, whether that means making doctor’s appointments, ensuring the homework is done, or making sure the child has enough socks to make it through the week.

Being the default parent can lead to fatigue and burnout, and the parent can experience incredible anxiety when their attention turns away from the household or family. The situation is even worse when the default parent’s partner only does the bare minimum. Unfortunately, in American society, fathers are often the parents who do just enough to get by and are praised for it.

The notion that men don’t have to pull their equal weight in American family life is so ingrained that when Emma Hughes, a travel nanny with over one year of experience in childcare and family support, visited Sweden for two weeks, she experienced extreme culture shock.


"I've been in Sweden now and I think I've been ruined for American men," the 24-year-old said in a viral Instagram video. "Specifically raising a child with an American man in America, because these Scandinavian dads? Chef's kiss …"

"I'm actually embarrassed to talk about this because all of the observations that I've made have really revealed to me how deeply ingrained [expletive] dads have become like in my brain, and it's just like the default,” she continued.

The notion that fathers only have to do the bare minimum was so ingrained in Hughes’ psyche that she couldn’t understand seeing so many involved fathers in Sweden.

 sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, soccer, swedish child A dad playing soccer with his child.via Canva/Photos

"When I see more dads pushing their strollers in the park on a Saturday morning than moms, what does my brain think … That's weird, there is something abnormal about that,” Hughes said. “When I see dads at the grocery store with their kids. When I see dads out at restaurants or in public. It is so deeply telling of a lot of subconscious stuff that I have going on in my brain after working with so many families."

She said that even the best dads she's worked with in America would be considered the "Scandinavian bare minimum." She applauded one Swedish father who purchased a new size of diapers for his baby without being told to do so by his partner.

 swedes, swedish couple, scandanavia, swedish flag, happy swedes A couple holding up the Swedish flag.via Canva/Photos

"Like I watched a Swedish dad go to the grocery store and come home with like four bags of groceries and in that trip he had bought size two diapers for a baby that had previously been wearing size one and was ready to move into size two but that conversation had not happened between the mom and the dad,” she said.

Given Swedish dads' dedication towards their parenting responsibilities, it’s fair to assume that their partners are much happier and stress-free than those in the States. But what about their kids? Researchers at the United Nations who studied “child well-being in rich countries” found that Swedish fathers also ranked high by their children. The survey asked children in 28 countries if it was easy to talk to their dads, and while 67% of children in the study said their parents were easy to talk to, Swedish fathers scored higher at 72.4%. Meanwhile, the U.S ranked 25, out of 28, at just 59.7%.

 sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, swedish child, dad reading note,  A Swedish dad reading a note. via Canva/Photos

Ultimately, Hughes makes an important point that Scandinavian men have set a high bar for being fathers and that American men need to step up. The positive sign is that in America, the discussion around default parenting has been getting louder and louder, and hopefully, that will prompt more American men and women to set higher expectations so that one day, American men can catch Sweden’s.

This article originally appeared in May.

Unsplash

Students working; an empty classroom.

When talking with other parents I know, it's hard not to sound like a grumpy old man when we get around to discussing school schedules: "Am I the only one who feels like kids have so many days off? I never got that many days off when I was a kid! And I had to go work in the coal mine after, too!" I know what I sound like, but I just can't help it.

In Georgia where I live, we have a shorter summer break than some other parts of the country. But my kids have the entire week of Thanksgiving off, a week in September, two whole weeks at Christmas, a whole week off in February, and a weeklong spring break. They have asynchronous days (during which they complete assignments at home, which usually takes about 30 minutes) about once a month, and they have two or three half-day weeks throughout the year. Quite honestly, it feels like they're never in school for very long before they get another break, which makes it tough to get in a rhythm with work and career goals. Plus, we're constantly arranging day camps and other childcare options for all the time off. After a quick search, I can confirm I'm not losing my mind: American kids have fewer school days than most other major countries.

 school's out, school days, school week, work week, schedules Schools Out Fun GIF by Pen Pals  Giphy  

So, it caught my attention in a major way when I read that Whitney Independent School District in Texas recently decided to enact a four-day week heading into the 2025 school year. That makes it one of dozens of school districts in Texas to make the change and over 900 nationally.

The thought of having the kids home from school EVERY Friday or Monday makes me want to break out in stress hives, but this four-day school week movement isn't designed to give parents a headache. It's meant to lure teachers back to work.

Yes, teachers are leaving the profession in droves and young graduates don't seem eager to replace them. Why? For starters, the pay is bad—but that's just the beginning. Teachers are burnt out, undermined and criticized relentlessly, held hostage by standardized testing, and more. It can be a grueling, demoralizing, and thankless job. The love and passion they have for shaping the youth of tomorrow can only take you so far when you feel like you're constantly getting the short end of the stick.

School districts want to pay their teachers more, in theory, but their hands are often tied. So, they're getting creative to recruit the next generation of teachers into their schools—starting with an extra day off for planning, catch-up, or family time every week.

Teachers in four-day districts often love the new schedule. Kids love it (obviously). It's the parents who, as a whole, aren't super thrilled.

 school, kids, teachers, instruction time, classes, schedule Class in session Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash  

So far, the data shows that the truncated schedule perk is working. In these districts, job applications for teachers are up, retirements are down, and teachers are reporting better mental well-being. That's great news!

But these positive developments may be coming at the price of the working parents in the communities. Most early adopters of the four-day week have been rural communities with a high prevalence of stay-at-home parents. As the idea starts to take hold in other parts of the country, it's getting more pushback. Discussions on Reddit, Facebook, and other social media platforms are overrun with debate on how this is all going to shake up. Some parents, to be fair, like the idea! If they stay-at-home or have a lot of flexibility, they see it as an opportunity for more family time. But many are feeling anxious. Here's what's got those parents worried:

The effect on students' achievement is still unclear.

The execution of the four-day week varies from district to district. Some schools extend the length of each of the four days, making the total instructional time the same. That makes for a really long day, and some teachers say the students are tired and more unruly by the late afternoon. Some districts are just going with less instruction time overall, which has parents concerned that their kids might fall behind.

Four-day school weeks put parents in a childcare bind.

Having two working parents is becoming more common and necessary with the high cost of living. I know, I know—"school isn't daycare!" But it is the safe, reliable, and educational place we send our kids while we we work.

Families with money and resources may be able to enroll their kids in more academics, extracurriculars, sports, or childcare, but a lot of normal families won't be able to afford that cost. Some schools running a four-day week offer a paid childcare option for the day off, but that's an added expense and for families with multiple kids in the school system, it's just not possible.

This will inevitably end with some kids getting way more screentime.

With most parents still working five-day weeks, and the cost of extra activities or childcare too high, a lot of kids are going to end up sitting around on the couch with their iPad on those days off. I'm no expert, and I'm certainly not against screentime, but adding another several hours of it to a child's week seems less than ideal.

Of course there are other options other than paid childcare and iPads. There are play dates, there's getting help from family and friends. All of these options are an enormous amount of work to arrange for parents who are already at capacity.

Working four days is definitely a win for teachers that makes the job more appealing. But it doesn't address the systemic issues that are driving them to quit, retire early, or give up their dreams of teaching all together.

 teachers, stress, education, work, job Season 3 Running GIF by The Simpsons  Giphy  

A Commissioner of Education from Missouri calls truncated schedules a "band-aid solution with diminishing returns." Having an extra planning day won't stop teachers from getting scapegoated by politicians or held to impossible curriculum standards, it won't keep them from having to buy their own supplies or deal with ever-worsening student behavior.

Some teachers and other experts have suggested having a modified five-day school week, where one of the days gets set aside as a teacher planning day while students are still on-site participating in clubs, music, art—you know, all the stuff that's been getting cut in recent years. Something like that could work in some places.

As a dad, I don't mind the idea of my busy kids having an extra day off to unwind, pursue hobbies, see friends, catch up on projects, or spend time as a family. And I'm also very much in favor of anything that takes pressure off of overworked teachers. But until we adopt a four-day work week as the standard, the four-day school week is always going to feel a little out of place.

This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.

A smiling blonde woman.

There is something extremely unfair about people born with great genetics who are extremely good-looking. Sure, some folks can improve their looks after putting in some work at the gym or learning how to present themselves. but many people we consider conventionally attractive hit the jackpot by simply being born that way.

With little effort, these people have an incredible social advantage in life. They are seen as morally virtuous, receive random favors, are always the center of attention, and are more likely to get raises and promotions at work. The funny thing is that those with pretty privilege don’t realize the incredible advantage they have until it's gone.

What happens when people lose their pretty privilege?

A woman on Reddit recently shared how she realized the power that comes with pretty privilege when she gained a lot of weight, and the world immediately began treating her differently.

 pretty privilege, good looking people, social experiment, beauty benefits,  weight, inequity, drinks, date A man hitting on a beautiful woman. via Canva/Photos

“Whether we want to admit it or not, pretty privilege is a thing. And it’s something that I now realize I had for the majority of my life,” the woman wrote in a viral Reddit post. “People were usually very nice to me. I got offered perks like drinks at bars and extra attention when I went out. And I was stared at a lot.”

Things changed for the woman after she had a health condition that required her to take a medication that slowed her metabolism, so she rapidly gained weight. “The fatter I got, the less attention was paid to me. I didn’t notice it at first, but I began to have to ask for customer service at places instead of being offered, and I started to feel invisible, because no one looked at me,” the woman continued. “No one. People would walk right by and not even acknowledge my existence. It was strange at first, then incredibly humbling. I thought, well, this is the new normal.”

The power of thin privilege.

It’s important to note that being a certain weight doesn’t automatically make you good-looking. People can be good-looking at any weight. However, it would be naive to believe that thin people don’t have an advantage in this world.

 pretty privilege, good looking people, social experiment, beauty benefits,  weight, inequity,  A woman weighing herself. via Canva/Photos

The drastic fluctuation in the woman’s weight made her conscious of what other people who don’t have the privilege of being pretty or thin go through in life. It allowed her to have greater compassion for people, regardless of how they look. “My personality started to change a little. I began being thankful for any small interaction someone had with me, and responded to any small act of kindness with gratefulness,” she wrote. “I noticed other not conventionally pretty people, and other overweight people, and made an effort to talk to them and treat them like they mattered. I became a better person. Not that I wasn’t a good person before, but I was now more aware and empathetic to those around me.”

 pretty privilege, good looking people, social experiment, beauty benefits,  weight, inequity,  A woman with curly hair. via Canva/Photos

The woman soon went off the medication and, just like that, she lost weight, and people began to treat her as they had before. “The first time I noticed it was when I was in a store looking for something, and a handsome male worker came up to me and asked if I needed help. He looked me in the eyes. I felt like I mattered again,” she continued. “Then I instantly felt sad and horrified, because of the cosmic unfairness of life, that how we look really does determine how people treat us, even though it shouldn’t.”

After the woman lost her privilege, she better understood what other people go through. On one hand, she probably enjoys the privilege, but on the other, she feels that the world is much less fair than she once imagined. At least, in the end, it’s taught her to be more empathetic to everyone she meets. “And also, when someone looks at me and smiles, no matter who they are, I give them a huge smile back,” she finished her post.

This article originally appeared in May.

Canva Photos

Having kids decreases your quality of life and marital satisfaction, but that doesn't mean you can't be happy.

For decades now there's been one great question looming over society: Does having kids make you happier?

Most studies show that, perhaps surprisingly, people without children tend to be happier, or have more life satisfaction. And when you really think about it, it makes sense why. Being child-free eases your finances and allows you more time to pursue friends, romance, hobbies, travel, adventure, and career aspirations. Having children makes your immediate quality of life and marital satisfaction go down temporarily, or in some cases, permanently. The Surgeon General even recently issued an advisory warning that parental stress is a major public health issue.

But there are three factors that might turn the tide. In the right circumstances, the joy and immense satisfaction of raising children can overcome all the associated stressors and lead to incredible joy and happiness. Other studies from around the globe prove that you might just be a happy parent if:

 parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids, family, love, stress, happiness, studies, research When your kids grow up and move out, it's like you've won: That's when the happiness really kicks in.  Photo by Esther Ann on Unsplash  

1. Your kids have moved out

A study from Heidelberg University in Germany specifically looked at happiness in people aged 50 and older. What they found makes a lot of sense.

People who have children were happier than those without, but only in the older age group, and only when those grown children no longer lived at home. Drilling down, the research found that when children become a source of "social enjoyment" rather than stress, life satisfaction increases dramatically while symptoms of depression decrease.

You can think of it as finally getting to enjoy the fruits of your hard labor. After spending decades teaching, nurturing, and shaping your children, your twilight years is when you get to really enjoy them as fully-fledged people who enrich your lives. While there's lots of joy and fun and happiness to be found in the younger years, those years are also marred with financial and other stressors which can subdue our overall happiness.

2. You have a lot of money AND good work/life balance


 parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids, family, love, stress, happiness, studies, research Parents struggle to make enough money while devoting time to caring for and enjoying their kids.  Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash  

One study out of Bocconi University in Milan, Italy found that "Parents are happier than non-parents ... as long as parents feel they can handle their work pressures to find work/life balance and they have the financial and other resources they need."

Oh, is that all?

Some estimates say it costs roughly $24,000 per year to raise a child, on average. A family with three kids would need to make about $75,000 just to cover the absolute bare minimum food and childcare costs — yowza! The costs are more when they're young (daycare, childcare, diapers, toys) but it never stops being expensive. Parenting is also extremely time-consuming, requiring several hours per day of childcare and extra housework for most families.

The impossible conundrum that many parents find themselves in is somehow having enough money and enough time to do it all. It's easy to see that if you can somehow solve that puzzling equation, yeah, you'd be a heck of a lot happier. Easier said than done!

3. You don't live in the United States

 parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids, family, love, stress, happiness, studies, research Parents in Spain, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, and more are enjoying more time off to spend with family.  Photo by Mauro Lima on Unsplash  

In 2016, The Council of Contemporary Families wanted to look into whether parental discontent was a global phenomenon or not. So, they studied parents and non-parents from 22 different countries to see if they could find any differences in life satisfaction.

The report found that parents in countries like Norway, Hungary, Portugal, Finland, Sweden and Spain were shown to be happier than non-parents.

And yet, according to Time Magazine, "Of the 22 countries the researchers studied, America has the biggest happiness differential between parents and the child-free."

The report specifically cites the high cost of childcare for young children and the limited amount of paid leave Americans receive—and not just parental leave, but simple vacation time. Countries like Spain and Portugal mandate anywhere from 22-30 paid leave days per year, while Americans average about 11. That allows for significantly less time to actually enjoy time with your kids, and has a big impact on our happiness, or lack thereof.

Of course, happiness can be measured in a lot of different ways. Is happiness a blissful feeling of freedom and joy? Or is it a deep satisfaction and sense of purpose in your life? Or maybe a combination of the two?

What the overall body of research seems to show is that there are many different paths to happiness, whether you choose to have children or not. Finding joy and satisfaction in your life as a parent might be considered "hard-mode." There are a lot of obstacles working against you, especially in America, but the research is beginning to give us some clues about how we can get there.

This article originally appeared in May.