Therapists explain the 'Window of Tolerance' concept and give reliable tips on how to widen it
This idea is reframing many people's approach to mental health.

A woman peeks through a window.
When it comes to emotional regulation, it can be hard to understand why some days feel so much easier than others. You might have moments when even the slightest mishap gets your heart racing, while at other times you can't seem to open your laptop to get the day started.
Experts call this the "Window of Tolerance" (WoT), the idea that we function best when we stay within a psychological zone that avoids both overwhelm and under-stimulation.
In an article for A Conscious Re-think, Anna Phillips-Waller explains:
"Think of your window of tolerance as your personal zone of emotional and mental stability. When you're operating within this window, you can handle life's ups and downs without losing your cool or shutting down completely. You're present, responsive, and able to think clearly even when things get challenging."
Here's how it works: our nervous system can exist in one of three zones—hyperarousal, the window of tolerance, and hypoarousal. "When you're within your window of tolerance, you're regulated," Phillips-Waller writes. "You can process information, make decisions, and respond thoughtfully rather than reactively. You feel connected to yourself and others."
According to the National Institute for Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICABM), "The window of tolerance is a concept originally developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, MD, to describe the optimal zone of 'arousal' for a person to function in everyday life."

"Hyperarousal is also known as the 'fight, flight, or freeze response' and is a heightened state of activation/energy," NICABM explains. "It is when a client's nervous system suddenly kicks into high alert, even when danger might not be present."
"Hypoarousal is also known as the 'shutdown' or 'collapse' response," NICABM says. "Like hyperarousal, it can often be triggered by feeling threatened, recounting traumatic memories, or feeling emotions associated with past trauma. Even a perceived threat can be enough to send a client into shutdown or even dissociation."
The good news is there are many helpful ways to recognize which zone we're in and to learn how to "widen your window" so you can return to the space that works best.
According to an online pamphlet from the Johns Hopkins University Student Health and Wellbeing Counseling Center, you can "intentionally lower or raise your emotional arousal level one step at a time." The pamphlet recommends creating a guide to help you "identify what level you are at through behavioral, emotional, and cognitive cues." It also advises keeping "track of the skills and activities that help you incrementally shift toward the WoT."
The pamphlet suggests thinking of your functional tolerance level as a scale from 0–10, with 0–3 representing the hypoarousal zone, 4–6 the window of tolerance, and 7–10 the hyperarousal zone. You can start to notice what your body is doing and, in turn, counteract those feelings and thoughts with action. For example, if you're feeling "overwhelmed with panic or racing thoughts," you can recognize it and counter it with "grounding, calm place imagery, deep breathing, yoga, walking, music."
If you find yourself on the other end of the scale, in the hypoarousal zone, you might feel "numb, out of it, disconnected, apathetic, empty." The pamphlet recommends "exercise, connecting to positive sensations, weighted blanket, dancing, gently squeezing yourself" as ways to bump up your number, with the goal of returning to your window of tolerance.
California-based therapist and coach John Sovec shared with Upworthy:
"How we relate to our emotional experiences is part of the understanding of how to increase our tolerance of them. Rather than thinking of drowning in emotions, I encourage clients to imagine their emotional journey as the ebb and flow of the ocean. Not the ocean that crashes into the shore, all froth and foam, but instead the bigger ocean where the waves rise and fall without resistance and thus keep rolling along rather than crash and explode. This visualization can change the dynamic of how we view emotions and their influence on our daily experience."

Sovec offered this suggestion:
"A simple technique to assist a person in widening their window of tolerance is to encourage them to move their body when the emotions start to build up. This could involve easy movement such as shaking out the hands, doing some light stretching or yoga movement, and even the playful approach of putting on some music and having a dance party. Moving the body softens the nervous system response and allows one to be more present with their emotions rather than drown in them."
Licensed psychotherapist Alison McKleroy, author of Essential Strategies for Social Anxiety and The Self-Compassion Journal, shared this advice with Upworthy:
"A helpful practice to widen the window is orienting to safety. Take a moment to look around and notice something pleasant in your environment. This could be the color of the sky out your window, the smell of your coffee in your hand, or the way light moves across the room. Let your eyes rest there for a few breaths. This simple act sends a signal to your nervous system that there is no immediate threat, which helps bring you back into your window of tolerance."



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Boomer grandparents have a video call with grandkids.Image via Canva/Tima Miroshnichenko


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Gen Xers and Millennials share 17 of the strangest things their Baby Boomer parents do
"My mom writes her emails in MS Word, then attaches the Word document to the email."
A Baby Boomer couple.
Generational fights have raged since the dawn of time, and a recent spat between Millennials and Baby Boomers is no exception. Baby Boomers, who raised Millennials, accuse the younger generation of being entitled and irresponsible with money. At the same time, Millennials accuse Boomers of having it easier economically while making it harder for those who came after them.
Where is Gen X in the battle? Probably off in the corner somewhere, saying, "Whatever." Aside from the generational sniping, there are some things the older generation does that are just plain baffling to younger people. Whether it's outdated worldviews, a refusal to adapt to modern technology, or a lack of self-awareness, Baby Boomers can do some strange things.
To help the younger folks get over their frustrations with parents from the "Me Generation," a Redditor asked: "What is the most Boomer thing your parents still do?" The stories were pretty funny and relatable, showing that almost everyone with parents over 60 is dealing with the same thing.
Here are 17 of the "strangest" things people's Baby Boomer parents do:
1. Phones on full blast
"Play iPhone slot machine games at full volume in the doctor’s office."
"My dad pretty much exclusively has his phone on speaker, and just walks around in public talking with it at max volume (and talking really loud himself). I’m like 'Dad, the entire supermarket doesn’t want to listen to you, and Uncle Jim complains about how often you have to pee.'"
2. Still using checkbooks
"My mom balances her checkbook every week. They still have a landline."
"And she probably has way more money than you will until she dies!"
3. Email issues
"My mom writes her emails in MS Word, then attaches the Word document to the email."
"Like the email is just the virtual envelope for the digital letter."
4. Restaurant jokes
"All those little restaurant comments.
'Wow, they'll let anyone in here!' when seeing a friend at said restaurant.
'Thanks for having us, not everyone will' to the waiter at the end of the meal.
'As you can see, it was terrible' when the staff takes away the clearly entirely eaten plate.
'You're going to have me floating away in a minute' when more water is put into their glass"
5. Always have to mention race
"Constantly mentioning the race or ethnicity of everyone she mentions. Never with any negative connotation or comment, but usually, there is no reason for it to be relevant to the conversation."
"My Jewish mother will always whisper the word 'black' in case anyone hears her: 'So the nice black man at the hardware store helped me find the right garden hose.'"
6. Googling their Google
"Typing Google on Google before they Google the thing they’re looking for."
"In the Google search bar, they type Google? Lol."
7. Getting a job is a cinch
"Believing you can walk into a business and hand in a resume. If you have a college degree in any field, they'll hire you."
"Just physically hand over your resume to HR or the hiring manager. You'll make a mark and get hired!! Call the office and ask to speak to HR/Hiring Manager."
Any Millennial who argued with their Boomer parents about how hard it is to land a good job should feel vindicated by a 2022 study, which found that most older Millennials didn't secure good jobs until their early 30s, while most Boomers did so in their 20s. "To secure a good job, young adults need to acquire more education and high-quality work experience than was necessary for previous generations," the researchers wrote.
8. Why are they together?
"Stay married forever while they behave like neither one of them can stand each other."
"I'm on the other side of that. After my mom passed, my dad now acts like their marriage was picture perfect and they were the love of each other's lives, even though they couldn't stand each other for at the very least 40 of the 54 years they were married."
9. Collectables or hoarding?
"Think their 'collectibles' are truly valuable."
"My mom insists her Hummels are going to put my kids through college!"
"Mine are the Thomas Kincade paintings. She has a Victorian glass piece that might actually be worth something, but those damn paintings are the real investment."
10. Can you grab the mail?
"Ask me to bring in the mail when they go away for more than 24 hours."
"My parents think everybody is standing at the door waiting for the mailman every day, and don’t believe me when I tell them that some people go days without checking their mail. They think everybody is waiting for the mailman every day because 'somebody might send them a check.' Like, really?"
11. Zero responsibility
"'Well, I guess I was just a bad father.' Yeah. That attitude of anti-responsibility is exactly why 3 out of 4 of your children don't talk to you."
"Ha! Have the same dad, do we?"
12. Comment on people's appearance
"Comment on EVERYBODY’s body/appearance/weight. The first thing my dad does after not seeing me for a year is poke me in the gut and tell me how fat I am."
13. Boomer panic is real
"Literally throwing their hands up in a panic when they don't understand something. Where did they learn that?"
"Or just saying 'well, I don't know', especially when that comes right after you explaining it and showing them how to do something, with them nodding along and asking relevant questions all the way through."
In a video by YourTango, editor Brian Sundholm tried to explain Boomer panic in an empathetic way: "Most of us nowadays know the importance of recognizing and feeling our emotions." Sundholm then quoted therapist Mitzi Bachman, who explained that when people struggle to express their emotions, it can result in an "unhinged" reaction.
14. Annoying Facebook posts
"Post nonsensical rants on Facebook for other boomers to like, share, and comment. Often these rants are political, but not always. Basically cringe-fest."
"Most people won't do it, but share this post if you believe in god and freedom."
"I do NOT give Facebook permission to use my photos and personal information!"
15. Dinner pushers
"While we're eating breakfast. What do you want to do for supper?"
"Can't we enjoy this meal without worrying about the next?"
16. They print everything
"My boomer in-laws print EVERYTHING! The number of times I have said, 'quit wasting ink, email it to me, or text me the link. Or just text me the schedule, don't print it out.' GPS on their phones? Nope...print a map."
"Boomers and their paper man. My dad has finally started using the internet, but he still prints everything he likes. Like he'll see a boat listing on Craigslist and print the entire page, including a massive color photo of it, and he's definitely not going to be buying it either. He's got a stack of papers that is the internet that sits by his recliner. He just sits there with Fox News on (though it's usually muted for some reason, that's a plus) and looks at his papers."
17. Flirting with servers
"My dad is 77 still flirts with the young waitresses. It's f**king weird for everyone."
"He thinks he is in cute old man territory, but he is not."