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Donald Trump has an Adopt-a-Highway. I walked down it. Here's what I found.

If there's one thing we know about Donald Trump, it's that he likes to put his name on things.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.


Trump Tower, Trump Taj Mahal, Trump Vodka, Trump Shuttle. Trump Steaks, Trump University — the Trump portfolio is vast and varied indeed.

Whose casino is this again? Photo by Jewel Samad/Getty Images.

But even under the harsh, unforgiving spotlight of a presidential campaign, one Trump brand has mostly flown under the radar: Trump Highway.

Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

Apparently, Donald Trump was so taken with the the two-mile stretch of the southbound side of Manhattan's Henry Hudson Parkway that runs past Trump Place Apartments that he up and adopted it.

Which means it's basically one of his children now.

And if there's another thing that's manifestly true about The Donald, it's that he loves his children (sometimes, perhaps, a little too much).

What happens when a man whose name is synonymous with "class" decides to stamp his name on a short stretch of previously unassuming parkway?

With his reputation and brand on the line, how could it not be glitzy? How could it not be beautiful? How could it not be the cleanest, shiniest, classiest road in America?

I decided to see for myself.

What a lovely place for a stroll. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

It's not particularly walkable, but hey, it's not too far from where I live, so I figured what the heck. I'll dodge a few Miatas to take a look.

What I found was a great highway. The best highway. The winningest highway. Exactly the sort of pristine, well-manicured thoroughfare you'd expect from a man dedicated to providing the world's most elegant driving experience.

A beaut! Photo via iStock.

Just kidding. I found a shitload of trash.

Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

Roughly 75 pieces, after walking only about one-tenth of the length of it.

These are the top 23. The best pieces of trash. The classiest pieces of trash.

1. A sock in a tree.

Trump highway features only the most luxurious socks in only the branchiest trees. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

2. Half of a credit card.

Cash only, baby. Ring-a-ding-ding. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

3. A bag from Tory Burch.

The best shopping bags. The emptiest bags. The most sideways bags! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

4. A hubcap.

Whoever said a hubcap is best when attached to your car was an idiot. On Trump Highway, we fill them with leaves and sticks and bury them in a dirt pile for several weeks. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

5. Bangladeshi chicken crackers.

Folks, when Trump is president, there will be no more of these savory poultry snacks entering the U.S. until we find out what's going on. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

6. A Visa gift card sleeve.

Trump's empty gift card wrappers have won dozens of awards, including the Pulitzer Prize. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

7. A cigar wrapper.

Cigars, boys. Cigars! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

8. Another cigar wrapper.

Cigars for everyone! Come and get 'em! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

9. Another cigar wrapper.

An excessive amount of cigars! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

10. A box of candy-coated peanuts.

Every driver on Trump Highway is treated to America's absolute favorite candy, according to all the polls. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

11. A bottle of Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade.

Circumvent open container laws by drinking your wine coolers with the cap still on! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

12. A blue car freshener.

On Trump Highway, your car will be freshened with only the most natural scents. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

13. An empty bottle of Jose Cuervo.

Choose from our selection of premium ... wait, how did this get over the wall? Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

14. A crushed can of Red Bull.

Free Red Bull with the purchase of two or more Trump Vodka shots. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

15. A sneaker.


Our tennis courts are #1 in the known universe, including heaven. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

16. A latex glove with a cigarette butt sticking out of it.

Should you crash through the median, simply pick up the gold courtesy phone and our award-winning medical staff will come to your aid. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

17. A sheet of Hebrew School homework.

Trump Highway has a great relationship with the Jews. Who doesn't love a bagel with strawberry cream cheese? Classic. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

18. An old, muddy T-shirt that says "Cramming for Exams."

Each mile driven earns a free credit at Trump U. You may never graduate, but the SWAG is on point. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

19. A fold-out ad for a furniture store.

You'll be provided with deals! All the deals! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

20. A portable car ashtray.

We'll even help you quit smoking. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

21. A single serving of yogurt!

Our continental breakfast is prepared by world-renowned chefs Jacques Pépin, Nobu Matsuhisa, and Jesus! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

22. An empty box of Trojan Magnum condoms.

No matter how tiny your hands are. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

23. A Coke with a straw still in it.

Leave your Cokes. Come back and drink 'em later. A+ security here on Trump Highway. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

Now, I don't expect the guy to be out there every day picking up used napkins and empty condom boxes with his bare hands.

As much as I'd like to see that — oh boy howdy would I like to see that — Trump is in his 70s and, well, kind of busy these days.

Trash left at a Trump rally in Pennsylvania. Photo by Mark Makela/Getty Images.

While the string of roadside garbage certainly doesn't make him or his organization look great, the amount of trash I found isn't necessarily any different or worse than what you'd find on the side of any other urban highway anywhere in America. It's most likely serviced by an outside contractor, per New York City Department of Transportation guidelines.

And honestly, not maintaining his Adopt-a-Highway all that well is, like, probably the 578th most offensive thing about the man (for more on this, see Trump's nonsensical attacks on Mexicans, bigoted fear of Muslims, misogyny, surprisingly aggressive and frequently anti-Semitic white nationalist supporters, and also basically every quality that exists).

Why do 23 pieces of garbage matter this election year? Because Trump insists that his name is synonymous with quality.

Much gold. Very swank. Photo by Timothy A. Clary/Getty Images.

It's a name he claims is responsible for a substantial percentage of his net worth — $3 billion, to be precise. It's a name that allows him to declare himself a runaway success at business. He professes to be able to do for the country what he's done for the products that bear his name.

It's the reason he wants us to let him run the United States of America.

And he went and stamped it on an Adopt-a-Highway that is, like, pretty filthy.

In this way, Trump Highway actually fits right in with the rest of the Trump business model. Like Trump Steaks, which are reportedly terrible, Trump Shuttle, which failed, Trump Hotels and Casino Resorts, which went bankrupt, or Trump University, which is under investigation for scamming students.

Individually, each one is a blip. But added together, they make you think...

Is Donald Trump really the results-driven, cut-no-corners, spare-no-expense, ultra-competent manager that he claims to be?

Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images.

Or does he just play one on TV?

Photo by Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images.


Sponsored

Three women, three MS journeys: How multiple sclerosis looks different for everyone

Gina, Nathalie and Helga share their reactions to being diagnosed with MS and how they stay informed and positive in the face of ever-changing symptoms.

Courtesy of Sanofi

Helga, Nathalie and Gina all have MS, and their experiences show how differently the disease can manifest.

True

It’s been 155 years since neurologist Jean-Martin Charcot gave the first lecture on a mysterious progressive illness he called “multiple sclerosis.” Since then, we’ve learned a lot. We know MS causes the immune system to attack healthy tissue, including damaging the brain and spinal cord. Resulting symptoms can be debilitating and include fatigue, blurred vision, memory problems and weakness. Huge advancements in our understanding of MS and its underlying causes, as well as treatment advances, have been made in the past few decades, but MS remains a complex and unpredictable reality for the 2.8 million+ people diagnosed around the world.

Ironically, the only real constant for people living with MS is change. There’s no set pattern or standard progression of the disease, so each person’s experience is unique. Some people with MS have mild symptoms that worsen slowly but sometimes improve, while others can have severe symptoms that drastically alter their daily lives.

All people with MS share some things in common, however, such as the need to stay informed on the ever-evolving research, find various lines of support and try to remain hopeful as they continue living with the disease.

To better understand what navigating life with MS really looks like, three women shared their MS stories with us. Their journeys demonstrate how MS can look different for different people and interestingly, how the language used to talk about the disease can greatly impact how people understand their realities.

woman with horse, woman riding horseGina loves riding her horse, Benita.Courtesy of Sanofi

Gina—Hamburg, Germany (diagnosed with relapsing multiple sclerosis in 2017)

When her youngest son was 4 months old, Gina started having problems with her eye. She’d soon learn she was experiencing optic neuritis—her first symptom of MS.

“Immediately after the diagnosis, I looked up facts on MS because I didn’t know anything about it,” Gina says. “And as soon as I knew what could really happen with this disease, I actually got scared.”

As her family’s primary income provider, she worried about how MS would impact her ability to work as a writer and editor. Her family was afraid she was going to end up in a wheelchair. However, for now, Gina’s MS is managed well enough that she still works full-time and is able to be active.

“When I tell somebody that I have MS, they often don't believe me the first time because I don't fulfill any stereotypes,” she says.

Overwhelmed by negative perspectives on living with MS, Gina sought support in the online MS community, which she found to be much more positive.

“I think it’s important to use as many positive words as you can when talking about MS.” It’s important to be realistic while also conveying hope, she says. “MS is an insidious disease that can cause many bad symptoms…that can be frightening, and you can't gloss over it, either.”

To give back to the online community that helped her so much, Gina started a blog to share her story and help others trying to learn about their diagnosis.

Though she deals with fatigue and cognitive dysfunction sometimes, Gina stays active swimming, biking, riding horses and playing with her sons, who are now 11 and 6.

Cognitive dysfunction is common in MS, with over half of people affected. It can impact memory, attention, planning, and word-finding. As with many aspects of MS, some people experience mild changes, while others face more challenges.

Gina says that while there’s still a lot of education about MS needed, she feels positive about the future of MS because there’s so much research being done.

woman in wheelchair holding medal, woman rowingNathalie is an award-winning rower with multiple international titles.Courtesy of Sanofi

Nathalie — Pennes Mirabeau, France (diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis in 2002)

Nathalie was a teenager and a competitive athlete when she noticed her first symptoms of MS, but it would take four years of “limbo” before she was diagnosed.

“Ultimately, the diagnosis was more of a relief, than a shock,” she says. “Because when you have signs and you don’t know why, it’s worse than knowing, in the end, what you have.”

However, learning more about the disease—and the realities of disease progression—scared her.

“That glimpse of the future was direct and traumatic,” she says. Her neurologist explained that the disease evolves differently for everyone, and her situation might end up being serious or very mild. So, she decided to stop comparing herself to others with MS.

She said to herself, “We’ll see what happens, and you’ll manage it bit by bit.”

By 2005, Nathalie’s MS had progressed to the point of needing a wheelchair. However, that has not dampened her competitive spirit.

Nathalie began her international rowing career in 2009 and has won multiple world titles, including two Paralympic medals—silver in London and bronze in Tokyo. Now, at 42, she still trains 11 times a week. Fatigue can be a problem, and sometimes hard workouts leave her with muscle stiffness and shaking, but she credits her ongoing sports career for helping her feel in tune with her body’s signals.

“Over the years, I’ve learned to listen to my body, letting my body guide when I need to stop and take breaks,” she says.

Nathalie explains that she used to only look backwards because of the initial shock of her diagnosis. In time, she stopped thinking about what she couldn’t do anymore and focused on her future. She now lives in the following mindset: “Even when doors close, don’t miss out on those that open.” Instead of focusing on what she can’t do, she focuses on the opportunities she still has. Right now, this includes her training for the 2024 Paralympic Games in Paris, where she will compete for another rowing medal.

“I only go forward,” she says. “Well, I try, anyway…It’s easy to say, it’s not always easy to do. But that’s what I try to do.”

woman exiting water after swimming, woman with great daneHelga's Great Dane has become a helpful and beloved companion.Courtesy of Sanofi

Helga—Johannesburg, South Africa (diagnosed with relapsing multiple sclerosis in 2010)

When Helga first started having balance issues and numbness in her feet, she chalked it up to her training as a runner. But when the numbness moved to her face, she knew something was wrong. She never guessed it was MS.

“When I was diagnosed, I felt completely overwhelmed and clueless,” Helga says. “I felt that I had nowhere near enough information. I did not know anything about the disease…I had no idea that it was going to be a process of continually monitoring and adjusting your lifestyle.”

In the beginning, Helga’s symptoms developed slowly, and she didn’t appear ill to others. She was even able to run for a few years after her diagnosis, but she couldn’t do marathons anymore, and she began to fall frequently due to balance issues and right-foot dragging. Then her cognition issues became more problematic, especially in her job as a trainer in a printing company.

“My executive function, decision-making and short-term memory were affected to the point that I was eventually medically unfit for work,” she says. She stopped working in 2017.

However, she didn’t stop living life. Even though she could no longer run, she continued to swim competitively. She got a Great Dane puppy and trained him as a service dog to help her walk. She also serves as vice chair of the patient support organization Multiple Sclerosis South Africa, and she advises others who have been diagnosed to join a patient advocacy group as soon as possible to get reliable information and meet others with MS.

Helga says she is “hopeful” about the future of MS. “I must say that I am so grateful that we have all the new medications available, because my life would not be the same if it wasn't for that,” she adds.

Part of how she manages her MS is by looking at the positives.

“If I could tell the world one thing about MS, it would be that MS is an incurable disease of the nervous system, but it's also the greatest teacher of valuing your health, family, friends, and managing change in your life,” she says. “My life is diversified in a way that I never, ever thought it would, and MS has been honestly the greatest teacher.”

Each MS journey is unique – with each person impacted experiencing different struggles, successes, and feelings as they manage this unpredictable disease. But the common thread is clear – there is a critical need for information, support, and hope. We are proud to participate in World MS Day and share these incredible stories of living life while living with MS. To learn more about MS, go to https://www.sanofi.com/why-words-really-matter-when-it-comes-to-multiple-sclerosis.

MAT-GLB-2301642-v1.0-05/2023

This article was sponsored by Sanofi. Participants were compensated when applicable.

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