Heartbroken mom uses painful moment to teach her daughter about the 'circles of friendship'
Honestly, this is a great idea for kids and adults alike.

Where was this when we were kids?
There comes a time in every person’s childhood when we learn the hard way who our close friends are…or aren’t. This may be revealed via a party invite that never comes, a BFF who suddenly becomes distant, or a sworn secret that gets spilled. While these lessons are necessary, it doesn't make them any less painful. And for parents watching their own kids go through it, it can be pretty devastating.
But one mom, Karen Tay, has a simple and effective strategy for helping kids navigate the tough terrain of friendships by teaching them the different levels of alliances early on. This idea was inspired by the “mom heartbreak” Tay felt when her five-year-old daughter told her about a friend that was “blowing hot and cold on her,” and requested that she arrange a play date for the two of them to get closer.
Tay decided to treat this not-so-great moment as a “learning opportunity.” And thus, the "circle of friendship” idea was born.
In a video posted to TikTok, Tay pulled out a sheet of paper with various circles drawn on top that she showed her daughter. First, there’s the inner circle—these are “people you can really trust your heart with.” The aforementioned friend probably does not belong here.
Next circle: “friends and collaborators who may come and go.” As Tay explained to her daughter, these are folks you get to interact with fairly frequently, but still need to have boundaries put in place. In other words, “guard your heart still, but play.”
Lastly, we have the outer circle, for those who have shown you that they don’t value friendship, and might need to be avoided. According to Tay, her daughter’s “friend” should be placed here, given how this friend made her daughter feel.
Tay took this lesson one step further by having her daughter define what each of these circles meant for her. For example, circle one is for friends who “play gently,” whereas circle three friends “change their behavior depending on who’s there.”
Tay concluded by saying that she hoped this technique would help her daughter better understand “the importance of trusting your gut, of really learning to be alone and be happy, what activities make you happy and even trying new friends, people you might not have considered before.” Honestly this technique seems to do just that, and is a tool that many of us could have used when we were younger.
Down in the comments, other parents applauded Tay, and shared their own personal struggles of helping kids through difficult friendship transitions. Clearly, this is a common dilemma.
“Oh my God. This is a conversation I've had with my daughter. I've not had such a circle drawing but this is even better.”
“Very very helpful. As a mom to a preteen middle schooler, who is learning the dynamics of navigating relationships, I would even go so far as to add this definition to inner circle friends ‘these are the people that you meet while you are truly just being your authentic self.’”
“This is really wonderful. I don’t think enough children or even adult adults take the time to really understand what’s going on around them.”
“So wise to do that circle theory with your child as we need to put our life in key positions for healthy relationships that bring a healthy heart and mind at all ages. The younger children learn about boundaries the better…you’re a kind mom to help her to learn how to decide herself to make healthy choices. ❤️”
If you’re interested in helping your own kid (or heck, even yourself) learn about the different circles of friendship, Tay actually has a free downloadable version here.
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."
This article originally appeared in May.