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Joy

Woman with unfortunate initials upset she can never wear monogrammed clothing

Some other folks responded that they have it worse.

via Canva/Photos

A woman who is frustrated with her name.

It’s fair to blame parents if they give their child a name and the initials spell out something unseemly or embarrassing. They should have considered this before giving the child the name. However, you can’t blame someone with funny initials after getting married because no one will reject the love of their life for having a last name that starts with the wrong letter.

A woman shared that she can’t stand her initials because she can’t wear monogrammed clothing. "[My initials] are the bane of my existence, and I can never have traditional monogramming (first, last, middle) without it being a sandwich." Yes, her initials, in the traditional monogram form, are BLT. They are a tasty option for lunch but probably not something you’d want on a fancy necklace or bathrobe. She also refuses to eat the sandwich. "Raw tomatoes are disgusting to me personally,” she adds.

Why is it that in traditional monogram form, a married woman’s initials are different than if she was writing them first, middle, and last? “A monogrammed gift for a woman should include her first, middle, and last initial or, if she is married, her first, maiden name, and married name initials. Traditionally, a woman's monogram is presented in first, last, and middle initial order,” The Monogram merchant writes.

For example, Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy would have a traditional monogram of JKB.

Some commenters shared their initials, and many were worse than BLT.

"My friend's is AIDS, so dont worry, i remember in secondary school having to sew our initials on pillows for home economics. I felt bad for her."

"I’m D.M.B. - all I’m missing is the U."

"Mine are TB.... just as unappealing haha."

"My initials are BS, so don't feel bad. I get cracked on all the time."

"Hubs initials are ET. Cue 'ET phone home,' circa the '80s from all his so called friends at work."

"My initials are RAD, lol."

"I knew a girl with the initials PMS, I think food is better than that."

"Mine happen to spell 'ELF', and I hated it as a kid. Now I embrace it, lol."

"My brother’s are R.A.T. He kinda embraced it, an animal lover and all."

"I'm APE lol."

It was once believed that having unfortunate initials meant more than suffering the occasional embarrassment—they could take years off your life. In 1999, a study found that men with positive initials, such as WOW or JOY, lived 4.5 years longer than those with neutral initials, while those with negative initials, such as DIE or ROT, died 2.8 years later.

The idea was that people with negative initials subconsciously think less of themselves, which could lead to an unhealthy lifestyle compared to someone with positive initials. However, six years later, that study was debunked by a subsequent study that found there is “no persuasive biological theory of how longevity should be significantly affected by initials."

Pamela Redmond Satran, author of "Baby Names Now," says we should still consider initials when naming children.

"Every conventional naming book gives the guideline, 'Don't forget to look at the initials,'" Satran said, according to CBS News. "Even if the second study contradicts the first, and having bad initials is not going to shorten your life span, it could make what there is of your life less pleasant. And who wants to foist that on innocent children?"

This article originally appeared in January.

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names

Joy

Teenage boy has perfect response when arrogant teacher refuses to believe his real name

He tried to explain his name and she gave him detention.

via Canva/Photos

A teenager has a real problem with his teacher.

As Dale Carnegie once wrote in “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” “A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.” Understandably, people grow very attached to their names to the point that some studies suggest that names play a significant role in our destinies. In fact, people born with the last name Carpenter are more likely to become carpenters when they grow up.

So, it's no wonder people are sensitive about how others pronounce their names. When someone says your name wrong, it can feel very invalidating and make it look like they don't care. That’s probably why many people enjoyed a teenager's tale of getting sweet revenge on an arrogant teacher who refused to say his name correctly.

“My parents named me a shortened version of a posh-sounding name. For the sake of the story, let's say they called me Alex, which is short for Alexander. When this woman called my name, she would always use Alexander. I brought up to her that it was not my name multiple times and asked her to please call me Alex, as that's what my parents called me,” a Redditor shared on the Petty Revenge forum.

“She would always get angry and tell me, ‘Don’t be stupid, no one is named Alex. Your name is Alexander. Alex is just what you want to be called.’ No matter how much I insisted, she refused. At one point, she gave me a detention for asking her to call me my correct name,” he continued.

names, teacher, student A teacher being stern with her student.via Canva/Photos

The name dispute got so heated that “Alex” was eventually sent to detention for arguing with his teacher. “When I told my parents I was supposed to have a detention for asking my teacher to call me the right name, they were unhappy. So they gave me a trump card to use against her: my birth certificate,” “Alex” wrote.

The next day, the teacher called him Alexander during roll call, but this time, he had the perfect ammunition to fight back: a legal document. “The next day, when she called my name, I once again told her that it wasn't my name. She threatened me with another detention, so I pulled out the birth certificate, put it down on her desk, and said, ‘My birth certificate says my name is Alex, so that's what you will call me. Thanks,’" "Alex" recalled. “The look on her face was priceless, and she started calling me my actual name for the rest of the time I was in her class.”

A person in the comments shared a similar story; this time, it was with the name Joey. “I know someone who on their birth certificate is Joey. The exact same thing happened to him. The teacher kept calling him Joseph, but he refused to answer. After a week, she called his mom and said something along the lines of: tell your son when someone calls him by his proper name, he needs to respond and not be disrespectful to his teacher. The mom questioned what name she was calling him, and she told her. Well, that mother went up one side of her and down the other. Why would I call him Joseph if we would call him Joey? We named him Joey, and that’s what is on his birth certificate. This was back in the ‘80s.”

It’s strange that the teacher went out of her way to call the kid the name she preferred over his wishes. Even if his real name was Alexander, what’s wrong with referring to someone by their chosen name? Brandishing his birth certificate as “Alex” may have felt like sweet revenge for the teenager, but it also shows the teacher and the class an important lesson on why it's important to listen to others.

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names

Education

Ever heard of 'The Tiffany Problem'? Why people think historically accurate things are wrong.

It's a strange but real dilemma for storytellers.

Ali Shaker/VOA, Tylwyth Eldar /Wikimedia Commons

The name Tiffany goes way back to Tiphaine Raguenel, who lived in Mont Saint Michel in the 1300s.

Depending on what generation you belong to, when you hear the name Tiffany, you might think of the famous jewelry store, the teen singer from the 80s or the less-in-the-spotlight daughter of the former president. Most likely, you don't think of a woman who lived in the Middle Ages.

In fact, if you were listening to an audiobook set in medieval times and the narrator introduced a character named Tiffany, you'd probably get yanked right out of the story as your brain would say, "Wait, why is there a Tiffany in this story? Isn't that a much more modern name?"

It's actually not, which is exactly why The Tiffany Problem is called The Tiffany Problem.

The Tiffany Problem refers to the fact that people in modern times will sometimes see something as anachronistic when it's not. It's something writers, filmmakers and other storytellers have to be aware of, as it can feel like there's a historical problem even if there isn't an actual historical problem.

Abraham Piper explains the dilemma and how it was coined:

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As Piper shares, fantasy author Jo Walton coined the term "The Tiffany Problem" and explained it:

"Your readers are modern people and know what they know, which is fine except when what they know isn’t actually right. For instance, the name Tiffany sounds extremely modern to us. It feels jarring when we read it as a character name in a historical setting, where we’d be quite happy with names like Anna and Jane. But our instinct is wrong, because Tiffany is a form of Theophania, and it was fairly common in medieval England and France. It went out of fashion later, and it’s because we don’t have seventeenth to nineteenth century examples that it feels modern. But you still can’t use it in a fantasy novel set in the exact time and place when the name would have been historically accurate, because it will jerk the reader out of their reading trance. They know it’s wrong and you can’t tell them that what they know is wrong."

Piper had also shared that "ha ha," which seems like a casual, modern colloquialism, is actually very old, with the first known use coming from a monk 1,000 years ago. He also mentions "OMG," which was used by a World War I admiral in a letter to Winston Churchill in 1917. And "hubby" as a slang term for husband? That goes way back to the 1680s. Who knew?

It's a bit ironic that writers who strive to ensure their historical fiction works are historically accurate can find themselves stymied by people being just flat-out wrong about what's accurate and what's not. Humans are interesting creatures, aren't we?

For more info about the name Tiffany than you ever thought you wanted to know but will be delighted to learn, CGP Grey created a whole video about the name that has 4.7 million views. Tiffany exploded the 1980s, but CGP Grey goes all the way back to the year 300 to uncover the origins of the name. It's genuinely entertaining. Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

If you're still here and want to take an even deeper dive into the history of Tiffany, this other video from CGP Grey is an incredible rabbit hole that will make you appreciate the work historians do and marvel at how much digging Grey actually did to provide the original Tiffany history video. We're talking trips to the deep dark corners of The British Library, the largest library in the world, and hours and hours of paging through books just to find the original source of this one poem that includes the name "Tiffany." It's a journey, but a fascinating one.

Enjoy "Someone Dead Ruined My Life… Again":

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

This article originally appeared last year.

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history

Joy

The world's greatest mentalist reveals 5-second trick to never forget someone's name

It's fun, weird, and will make people like you way more.

Unsplash

The longer I'm alive, it seems the more people's names that I have to remember. With two kids in school, sports, and other activities, I find myself trying to keep track of dozens of different friends, teammates, siblings, coaches, teachers, and of course, parents. It makes my brain hurt! Lately I've had half a mind to start a spreadsheet so I can start remembering Who's Who.

In order for that to work, I've got to find a way to stop people's names leaving my head immediately after I'm introduced. I know I'm not the only one who does this. It's like people say their name and it just zips right into one ear and out the other! And for that, I went looking for tips when I stumbled upon a good one from a unique sort of expert.

Derren Brown is one of the most famous mentalists in the world, so he knows a thing or two about people. Mentalists are a special breed of magician that focus on tricks and illusions of the mind.

They do things like hynopsis, mind-reading, and impossible predictions. There's trickery, involved, of course; but mentalists are also masters at reading people and have to employ advanced memory techniques to keep track of information they learn during their shows.

In an interview with Big Think, Brown revealed some of his favorite memory hacks; including his 'party trick' to never forget a person's name.

Giphy

The secret is to create a link between the part of your brain that stores information like names, and the visual part of your brain that is more easily accessed.

"You find a link between the person's name and something about their appearance, what they're wearing, their face, their hair, something," Brown says. "You find a link with something that they're wearing so if they're called Mike and they've got big black hair you think, 'Oh that's like a microphone' so I can imagine like a big microphone walking around or if they've got a stripy T-shirt on you imagine a microphone with those stripes going around it.

"And it's the same process later on in the evening you see them, you look at the stripes and you go, 'Oh that's Mike. Oh yeah that's Mike. The hair, why am I thinking the hair is like a big microphone? Oh yes, of course, they're called Mike.'"

Microphone Mike! Any sort of alliteration based on a physical characteristic will work. Stripey Steve, Tall Tim, Green Gene. The more interesting and unique, the better you'll remember.

There is one catch with the technique: You have to actually listen and pay attention when someone tells you their name!

"So, you do have to listen that's the first thing when they say the name," Brown says. "Normally the very moment where someone is giving you their name you're just caught up in a whole lot of social anxiety anyways you don't even hear it, so you have to listen."

Using someone's name when you talk to them has tons of benefits. It conveys respect, friendliness, and intimacy. When you're on the receiving end and someone you've just met uses your name, it just feels good! It feels like it matters to them that they met you.

"And then at the end [of the party] you get to go around and say goodbye to everybody by name and everyone thinks you're very charming and clever," Brown quips.

Listen to the entire, fascinating interview here.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Brown's name-remembering technique is tangential to an ancient philosophy called the "Method of loci".

The method involves attaching things to be remembered (numbers, tasks, facts) to specific places that are easy to visualize in your head. Imagine taking a brain-walk down the street you live on and all the objects or places you might see there. The mailbox, the gnarled tree, the rusty fire hydrant. This memory method asks you to visually associate one thing you want to remember with each item or location. The more strange and visual the image you can create, the better! Brown uses the example of trying to shove a sparkling-clean shirt into his mailbox, reminding him to do his drycleaning.

When you need to recall the item, you just take a little walk in your head down the street.

(Did you know that there's a World Championship of Memory? Most of the best competitors use a version of this technique.)

Giphy

The name hack isn't so dissimilar. You're attaching an intangible, abstract thing (a name) to a specific visual image you can see in your head and even in the real world. But that's just one way of getting better at remembering names! There are all kinds of tips, hacks, and methods you can try.

Some people swear by repeating the name immediately after hearing it. "Hi, my name is Jake." "Hi, Jake, nice to meet you!" (Just don't say someone's name too frequently or you risk coming off a bit slimy.)

Others use a technique similar to Brown's loci idea, but instead of a visual, you lean on things that are already deeply engrained in your memory, like rhymes or free-association. or even celebrities. Mary - had a little lamb. Jake - the Snake. Daisy - flowers. Tom - Cruise.

Another trick (that I've definitely used before) if you do forget someone's name? Introduce them to someone you know! "Hey, this is my wife, Sarah." The person was almost always introduce themselves using their own name, and then you get a second chance at remembering it.

A lot of the best advice really comes down to being intentional about remembering when you're introduced to a new person. Whatever mental gymnastics you choose to do with the name, the mere fact that you're thinking about it with such focus immediately after is a big part of why these 'tricks' help names stick.

It feels really good when someone cares enough to remember your name, so it's definitely worth putting in a little effort of trying to instill that feeling in others.

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psychology

Joy

17 people share the most tragic name they've ever encountered in real life

"I’m in healthcare, and the worst name I’ve seen on a kid is Meatball."

via Canva/Photos

A woman is shocked by someone's name.

We live in an era where many parents want their children to have unique names to stand out. Studies show that uncommon names have gained popularity since the 1950s because American culture has become more individualistic. “As American culture has become more individualistic, parents have favored giving children names that help them stand out – and that means more unique names and fewer common names,” psychology professor Twenge told the BBC.

Recently, there’s been an added twist to the trend of parents electing more unique names: search engine optimization. In today’s world, where everything is online, it can be harder to stand out in search or on social media if you have a common name. Good luck finding someone with a name like Chris Smith or Mohammed Singh on LinkedIn.

The problem is that having a unique name is good, but if it comes off as too strange, it can cause real problems in life. Studies show that people with names too out of the ordinary have a harder time getting a job interview or finding romantic relationships.

Station19 Andy Herrera GIFfrom Station19 GIFs

A viral Reddit thread is hilarious and sad because people shared the worst names they have ever heard in real life. Many are funny, but unfortunately, those people have had to live their lives having people constantly making fun of their names. We made a list of the 17 most “tragic” names, and here they are.

1. A very predictable name

"I once met a girl named Cliche."

2. A 2-time unfortunate name

"I had a customer named Dick Butts. I thought it was a joke, but one of the employees asked to see his driver's license and it was truly his name."

"Just introduce yourself as Richard at that point."

3. Clueless parents

"In elementary school, there was a boy named Famous. His younger sister was Fashion."

"Is his mom a youtube vlogger mom? its sounds like it."

"Parents must have been David Bowie fans."

Bowie GIFfrom Bowie GIFs

4. Tasty food, bad name

"I’m in healthcare and the worst name I’ve seen on a kid is Meatball."

"I am Meatball, son of Meatloaf. You ate my father. Prepare to die."

5. Don't feed her after midnight

"An 80+ year old lady called Gremlin."

"If I met someone as a kid, or even now named Gremlin... I definitely want to hang out for a moment or two. As a kid with a weird name, there is some camaraderie there."

6. The prophetic name

"Messiahiscoming is, by far, the worse I've heard. It's beyond ridiculous. She was 12-14 years old and said nothing. Mother did all the talking."

"That's less of a name and more of a threat..."

Dune Dune Part 2 GIFfrom Dune GIFs

7. Pick a winner

"Met an elderly man with the name Booger."

"I have a three-month-old son that I call booger, and now I wonder if that will stick his whole life."

8. Come again?

"Once at work, I met a guy whose first name was Greg, which is not all that bad. The only thing is, is his last name was also Greg."

"In Australia, our education minister is the Honourable Grace Grace. I laugh every time."

9. Seagent Sergent

"In the military, there was this guy called Richard (Dick) Sergeant. Who was a Staff Sergeant. So his name was Staff Sergeant Dick Sergeant. He owned it though so good for him."

"In real life I knew a Sergeant Sergeant, a Major Major, and a Captain Captain."

Drill Sergeant GIFfrom Drill Sergeant GIFs

10. Take the whole bottle

"Clindamycin. Yes, spelled exactly the same way as the antibiotic. When questioned, the mom said, 'I just thought it was pretty.'"

"Friend from Eastern Kentucky knows a Syphilis but pronounced Si-Phillis. Her parents said the same thing that 'It sounded pretty.'"

11. It burns!

"My mom had a coworker who named her child Tequila."

"A friend I had said she met a lady that named her 3 daughters Tequila, Margarita, and Chardonnay."

"Got a missing child alert recently (he’s fine now, thankfully) for a kid named Whiskey. Not Whiskey, Wiskey. Couldn’t even bother to spell it right. Poor kid."

12. Did he play for Milwaukee?

"My sister's sister in law named her son Brewer literally because they are alcoholics."

"I know a boy named Blayze because his parents are dumb dumb potheads."

Jackie Mortgage Nerds Mortgag Nerds GIFfrom Jackie Mortgage Nerds GIFs

13. Jump, Jump

"My dad's coworker is named Chris Cross. Edit: we are from west Texas. I've only know one other person with the same name."

"He was more into Saaaaaaailn.'"

14. Rock on, Ricky

"I taught a kid whose real name is Ricky Rock n’ Roll Smith."

"Sounds like a '90s WWF wrestler name."

15. Say that again?

"Guy named Ashley Hole who went by Ash."

Huh Hmm GIFfrom Huh GIFs

16. Can I buy a vowel?

"Cts. Parents were immigrants and chose random letters for an English name without knowing about vowels and consonants."

"So, the name is basically the sound a beer can makes when cracked open?"

17. Say it 3 times and he'll appear

"My brother went to school with a kid named William William William."

"Will Will Will, what do we have here?"

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Joy

17 of the funniest times people seriously messed up by mispronouncing someone's name

The name is Patty, not Potty.

via Canva

Three women having a laugh together.

Dale Carnegie famously quipped in his 1936 book "How to Win Friends and Influence People," “Remember that a person’s name is to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” This adage is proven true whenever someone mispronounces someone's name, creating an uncomfortable but often hilarious situation.

An English woman named Tabitha, who goes by Tabby, shared a funny story recently where someone got mad at her mother because, with her thick accent, she sounded like she was calling her daughter “Tubby,” which would be a terrible thing for a mom to do. So, Tabby asked other people to share their funny stories of having their name (or their dog’s) mispronounced.

The stories are funny, but they’re also a reminder that from time to time, just about all of us can screw up somebody’s name and that it’s ok to laugh it off if yours is the one that gets mangled. But you still have to wonder what some of these people had stuck in their ears to mishear a name so badly.

Here are 17 of the funniest times someone mispronounced a name.

1. Heather

"Ordered a pizza in French from a small local restaurant here in Quebec, I have a very difficult name for francophones to pronounce and I guess it wasn't clear over the phone. When I went to pick up and asked for the pizza for 'Heather' the lady was like OHHHH, HEATHER!! and handed me a pizza with 'Gisèle??' written on the box."

2. Ham-Butt the Dog

"I met a friendly couple and their friendly dogs. I asked for the dogs' names. The poodle was Toby, the french bulldog was Ham-Butt. I was delighted. This is the best name for a French bulldog ever. My wife walked up as I was petting these puppos. I was still riding high on the glory of such a perfectly matched name. I said: 'Babe babe babe, meet these dogs! This is Toby and this....(pause for dramatic effect) is Ham-Butt.' My wife was delighted. The friendly couple frowned in a confused way and then said: 'His name is Hamlet.' I was very disappointed."

3. Hor-rible

"My last name starts with the syllable 'Hor-'. One of the doctors I work with is an older Indian woman and likes to call people she considers friends by their last name. She was working with a resident and needed help so she literally just shouted 'WHORE' across the lab. The resident was mortified, but the boys in high school definitely said worse, so I just laughed."

4. Patty

"My mom’s name is Patricia and she has always been called Patty. When she was young, her and her family (including 3 older siblings) traveled to French Canada. A woman raved about how beautiful her name was 'Oh Potty, what a beautiful name!' My mom is now 64 and still gets called Potty every now and then."

5. Kevin

"I have a friend named Kevin. He and I went to lunch in a food court near work once, and they asked his name. When he told her, the lady taking his order responded 'that's a beautiful name!' His reaction was '..thanks?' and we kinda laughed it off. I mean, it's a common enough name, and it's not exactly what I'd consider 'beautiful.' Then we got his food and she had written his name as 'Heaven.'"

6. Daisy

"A nurse asked what our baby’s name was at her first doctor's appointment, and we said, Daisy. English is her second language and maybe she wasn’t expecting this name, but she looked a little shocked and asked us how to spell it. Soon, we realized she thought we said Jaisy... or maybe Jay-Z? I give her credit for not looking more horrified that we named our daughter Jay-Z."

7. Another great dog story

"I have a dog one: We are fostering a boy named Ranger...my 92-year-old grandma thinks his name is Reindeer."

8. Felicity

"Not an accent thing, but more like a pronunciation/not listening thing: but my daughter’s name is Felicity (pronounced exactly as Felicity is pronounced lol) and I have had people give me weird weird looks and go 'Velocity?' 'Facility?' 'Fallacy?' Here I thought I picked a totally normal, easy to say and spell name.... and now my daughter is stuck being called Velocity lol."

9. Fox

"My firstborn child turned 2 just two weeks before her little brother was born, so her enunciation wasn’t that great yet. We named the baby Fox. For a solid 6 months it sounded like my daughter was calling my son F!ck. 'Oh, f!ck! You’re awake!' 'I love baby f!ck!' Yep."

10. Rebecca

"I used to work for a hearing aid center, so I mostly spoke to old and hard-of-hearing people. I was always careful with the volume, speed, and pitch of my voice. We had this one sweet old lady client. I would call and say 'Hi, this is Rebecca from <company> calling to confirm your appointment.' She’d reply “Oh, hi, Beatrice! I’ll be there!” I never bothered to correct her, mostly because it was cute and didn’t make a difference in the grand scheme of things. Until one day, my coworker asked why she kept calling me Beatrice. The poor woman was embarrassed and didn’t know how she’d gotten my name so wrong! She’d never even known a Beatrice!"

11. Naughty Maureen

"I have a super nasal voice. At Starbucks, when I’ve said my name is Maureen, I’ve heard 'Morning,' 'Maury,' but once.... the dude had me repeat like 12 times and seemed to struggle writing it. He had written 'Horny.'"

12. Oh no, Annie

"It sounds contrived, but I swear this is exactly how it went down. My sixth-grade math teacher had a habit of calling students by the first letter of their name, followed by the first syllable of their last name. For instance, Kaiden Jackson would be K Jack, or Bailey Wellington would be B Well. No idea why he did it, but that was the nickname he'd use every once in a while to refer to any one of us. I've changed her name slightly, but it still works. He used this nickname technique on Annie Holsgrove. Yeah. He called an 11-year-old a-hole."

13. Jamorphus

"My husband and I have been around so many unique and uncommon names that nothing really phases us. So we never even thought about it when he had an appointment with 'Jamorphus.' They talked on the phone a few times, and he always asked for Jamorphus, and then eventually, they met, and he gave me the paperwork after, and I saw it was 'Joseph (Joe) Morfis' (not real spelling or anything). But we still laugh about it, and it's been like 10 years."

14. Clark

"My sweet brother Clark had a minor speech impediment as a kid. It resulted in lots of people thinking his name was 'Clock.' He still enunciates his name extremely carefully to make sure people don’t think he’s named after a timepiece."

15. Kyana

"Hi, I'm Kyana. Literally everyone: nice to meet you, Rihanna And this is why I hate Rihanna. I also get kenya a lot( really don't understand that one). Absolute favorite. Old lady at work can never remember my name and will literally call me anything with a k. One time she needed me and I let her loudly yell for Kahlua 4 times across the room before I asked her who she was trying to talk to."

16. Dennis on tap

"My ex-boyfriend ordered a pizza over the phone. When we got to the place to pick up the pizza, there was much confusion over our order. Finally, we got our food. The name they put on the box was 'Guiness.' My boyfriend's name is Dennis."

17. Tobi

"Freshman year of college I was going by Tobi, a name I no longer use. Ordered lunch at the on-campus diner, and the dude taking orders misheard and wrote 'Doobie' on the ticket. Yes, like that kind of Doobie.... The lady calling orders wouldn't even say it. I watched her look at the ticket, sigh very deeply, and call the order number instead. Walked up laughing and the first thing she said was, 'You're name's not Doobie, right? Please tell me it's not f*cking Doobie.' She was very relieved to learn that it wasn't."

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names

Family

Daughter finally stands up to mom who called her the wrong name for 19 years

Calling people the wrong name is a profound show of disrespect.

via Canva/Photos

Woman says, 'Stop it, right there."

It can be exceedingly hurtful when someone intentionally calls you by the wrong name because it’s tied to your identity. It shows that the other person isn’t concerned about your wishes or cares enough to put in the time to get your name right. It's also just plain rude.

"[Getting names wrong] can go under the radar for a lot of individuals. Other people can see it as, 'oh, it's not that big of a deal,'" Myles Durkee, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, told the BBC. "What makes it detrimental is the chronic pattern of doing this consistent mispronunciation. And the ripple effects from that are much more adverse, signalling to the individual that they're less important, that they're less valued."

Alyssa, 34, made the case that you don't need to explain your anger when someone calls you the wrong name for years. Alyssa recently had to put her foot down when her 62-year-old mother blatantly called her by a name she hadn’t liked since she was a teenager.

“When I was a child, my parents started using a nickname variant for me (Lyssy vs Alyssa). I have been expressing open distaste for this since I was 15, but I let my family continue using it for a while (because they're family) until about five years ago when I started actively and consistently correcting them. I deeply despise this nickname as it feels patronizing as an adult and they all know that,” Alyssa wrote.

nacknames, reddit, mom fight An upset teenager.via Canva/Photos

The situation came to a head on Alyssa’s birthday, which she celebrated with her younger brother, Toby, at her parents' house.

“As we're finishing up dinner and discussing [Christmas plans], my mother starts, ‘Toby, you and Lyssy can…’ and I interject with ‘Alyssa.’ It's at this point my mother slams her hands on the table and says, ‘You know what? F*** Christmas!’ and storms off to her room,” Alyssa wrote.

The mother wouldn’t leave her room, even when it was time to cut the cake and sing “Happy Birthday” to Alyssa. Alyssa refused to go to her mother’s room and talk about the disagreement because she made it clear did not want to be called Lyssa.

The father took mom’s side and said she used the wrong name because she has chronic pain and hasn’t been sleeping well.

“Just before I walk out, [Toby] says, ‘Alyssa, stop looking for reasons to hate Mom.’ I've never felt white hot rage flare through me like that, but I held back from cursing him out and just left,” she wrote. Alyssa asked the Reddit forum where she posed her story if she was in the wrong for refusing to smooth things over with her mom.

nacknames, reddit, mom fight An upset mother. via Canva/Photos

The commenters overly supported Alyssa for drawing a line in the sand. “You are a 34-year-old adult and everybody around you needs to stop calling you names you don't want to be called. It's not a big demand and your end, and it's not a big burden on their end,” one commenter wrote. “Mix-ups happen, but getting angry after making a mistake and holding a grudge for being corrected is toddler behaviour,” another wrote, criticizing the mother.

“I don't see how chronic pain makes it more difficult to pronounce your name correctly. Your name perfectly reasonable to expect everyone to use it. Your correction was very low-key,” another commenter wrote.

However, there were a few people who thought that the mother’s chronic pain may have played a role in her calling the wrong name. “I'm not excusing the mom, but chronic pain can cause something called ‘brain fog,’ and part of that is issues with words,” they wrote. “I suffer from chronic pain due to an autoimmune disorder. I forget words, dates, phone numbers, etc., all the time. You know what I don't forget? My own child's name,” another commenter clarified.

Ultimately, people’s names are precious to them and people think it’s understandable to be angry if someone calls you by the wrong one for years. The mom could have slipped up because she was dealing with brain fog. But if that was the case, why didn’t she just apologize?

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