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Chelsea Handler opened up about her abortions in a candid new essay.

'Once you go forward in history, you don’t go backward.'

If anyone knows how to tell it like it is, it's comedian Chelsea Handler.


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She's brutally honest. She detests political correctness. And she has a no-b.s. policy for anyone who wants to dictate what she should or shouldn't do with her own body: "I dare them."

In a new essay published on June 24, Handler opened up about the abortions she's had and why Planned Parenthood matters.

In the piece, published by Playboy (that link is safe to open at work, I swear), Handler notes she was an "irresponsible" 16-year-old when she had unprotected sex and became pregnant twice with the same guy.

But "we all make mistakes," she explained. And she doesn't regret accessing care at Planned Parenthood to make the best decision for herself and her future at the time.

"I’m grateful that I came to my senses and was able to get an abortion legally without risking my health or bankrupting myself or my family," she wrote. "I’m 41 now. I don’t ever look back and think, God, I wish I’d had that baby."

"We have 7.3 billion people on this planet," she wrote. "Anybody who carefully decides not to become a parent — let alone a bad parent, which is what I would have become — should be applauded for making a smart and sustainable decision.

Handler's essay came just a few days before the Supreme Court's historic ruling on Whole Woman's Health v. Hellerstedt.

Arguably the biggest abortion case taken up by the Supreme Court since 1992, the justices ruled in a 5-3 decision that forcing abortion clinics to have surgical facilities and doctors who have admitting privileges to nearby hospitals posed an "undue burden" on a person's ability to obtain an abortion.

The ruling undid a Texas law that would have effectively closed about half the state's abortion clinics.

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“Abortions taking place in an abortion facility are safe — indeed, safer than numerous procedures that take place outside hospitals and to which Texas does not apply its surgical-center requirements,” Justice Breyer wrote for the majority.

“We conclude that neither of these provisions offers medical benefits sufficient to justify the burdens upon access that each imposes."

The court's ruling affirms (and expands) the constitutional right for a person to choose when they have a child. That's huge.

It's also something Handler is probably pretty damn pleased about.

"Like millions of women, I can live my life without an unplanned child born out of an unhealthy relationship because of Roe v. Wade," Handler wrote.

"Once you go forward in history, you don’t go backward.

Photo by Kris Connor/Getty Images.


That first car is a rite of passage into adulthood. Specifically, the hard-earned lesson of expectations versus reality. Though some of us are blessed with Teslas at 17, most teenagers receive a car that’s been … let’s say previously loved. And that’s probably a good thing, considering nearly half of first-year drivers end up in wrecks. Might as well get the dings on the lemon, right?

Of course, wrecks aside, buying a used car might end up costing more in the long run after needing repairs, breaking down and just a general slew of unexpected surprises. But hey, at least we can all look back and laugh.

My first car, for example, was a hand-me-down Toyota of some sort from my mother. I don’t recall the specific model, but I definitely remember getting into a fender bender within the first week of having it. She had forgotten to get the brakes fixed … isn’t that a fun story?

Jimmy Fallon recently asked his “Tonight Show” audience on Twitter to share their own worst car experiences. Some of them make my brake fiasco look like cakewalk (or cakedrive, in this case). Either way, these responses might make us all feel a little less alone. Or at the very least, give us a chuckle.

Here are 22 responses with the most horsepower:

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Bird-watching is in focus on a new National Geographic show.

You may remember the name Christian Cooper, but if you don't, this will jog your memory. In summer 2020, Cooper made the national news when a white woman, Amy Cooper (no relation), called the police, falsely accusing him of threatening her. Christian Cooper was out in the early morning at Central Park doing what he does often: bird-watching. It's a longtime hobby that, thanks to that unfortunate exposure, he's now taking to the next level and sharing with the world. Cooper recently finished filming six episodes of "Extraordinary Birder" for National Geographic.

"Whether braving stormy seas in Alaska for puffins, trekking into rainforests in Puerto Rico for parrots, or scaling a bridge in Manhattan for a peregrine falcon, he does whatever it takes to learn about these extraordinary feathered creatures and show us the remarkable world in the sky above," National Geographic wrote in a press release announcing its new slate of personality-driven exploration and adventure themed storytelling.

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TikTok about '80s childhood is a total Gen X flashback.

As a Gen X parent, it's weird to try to describe my childhood to my kids. We're the generation that didn't grow up with the internet or cell phones, yet are raising kids who have never known a world without them. That difference alone is enough to make our 1980s childhoods feel like a completely different planet, but there are other differences too that often get overlooked.

How do you explain the transition from the brown and orange aesthetic of the '70s to the dusty rose and forest green carpeting of the '80s if you didn't experience it? When I tell my kids there were smoking sections in restaurants and airplanes and ashtrays everywhere, they look horrified (and rightfully so—what were we thinking?!). The fact that we went places with our friends with no quick way to get ahold of our parents? Unbelievable.

One day I described the process of listening to the radio, waiting for my favorite song to come on so I could record it on my tape recorder, and how mad I would get when the deejay talked through the intro of the song until the lyrics started. My Spotify-spoiled kids didn't even understand half of the words I said.

And '80s hair? With the feathered bangs and the terrible perms and the crunchy hair spray? What, why and how?

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