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9 more things people don't tell you about loving an alcoholic.

We're all in this fight together. You are not alone.

It seems like almost everyone has had some experience navigating the complicated waters of loving an addict.

Previously, I shared my story about growing up with an alcoholic parent. I confessed that I grew up as a child of an addict, and I shared a lot of honest and raw details about my life.


Me and my dad.

And when we shared the story with Upworthy readers, my inbox flooded with messages of people saying, “Me too.”

I couldn’t believe how many people related to my story. It’s like we gave people permission to start talking about secrets they’ve held in for years.

So I reached out to the daughters, sons, husbands, wives, and people who boldly shared their stories with me. I asked these people to share their truths — mostly unspoken before now — and to tell their stories about loving an addict.

Here's what they told me:

1. “I always felt [like] finding love outside my home would fix what was broken inside of it ... and it never did.”

Samantha told me about the time her mom tried to put a ponytail in her hair when she was in fifth grade. But her mom was too hungover to make it work. On that day, Samantha decided she didn’t need her mom anymore, and she clung to this mentality until she was 19 years old.

Instead, Samantha turned to friends and boyfriends to try to fix her broken idea of home. But they could never replace the love she needed from her mom. Samantha’s mom eventually decided to get help, but Samantha had to work through a lot of the anger she harbored toward her mom too.

Today, Samantha said: “I’ve since turned my relationship with my mom into something worth holding onto.”

2. “I’m still stuck in the ‘Don’t tell anyone’ phase.”

One reader, who asked to remain anonymous, said her family is still in the phase where they hide the dark secrets in their home. She said there’s only one place where she can talk about the truth: her diary.

As a "highly functional drunk,” her dad has held the same job for more than 45 years without anyone knowing his struggles. The disease has also been passed down, and now her siblings are racking up violations for driving while intoxicated. She desperately wants to understand how alcohol has so much power and control over her family.

3. Some people don't make it out of addiction.

I can’t give credit to just one person for sharing this devastating story because so many people shared this with me. I heard about many parents who battled for years with alcoholism and never recovered, leaving behind sons and daughters. It isn’t fair, that’s for sure.

Many of these courageous people are now trying to forgive their parents, even after they've passed away. These children are walking their own paths of recovery.

4. “I went to prison because of my addiction.”

Summer is an addict who is proud to share that she is now in recovery. At the age of 27, Summer went to prison for two and a half years after more than a decade of battling addiction. Once released, a caring probation officer helped her enter a treatment program.


Summer as a child. She started struggling with addiction when she was 14. Photo used with permission.

“I still have fears and doubts that I can make it through recovery and not relapse,” said Summer. “It’s a lifelong process that I’m learning each day.”

Summer is now a working mother, also studying to be a substance abuse counselor. New friends in recovery became family too, helping Summer find a new way of life. “They loved me until I learned to love myself.”

5. “I’m afraid that I’ll become an alcoholic and ruin my kids’ lives.”

As a 10-year-old little girl, Melissa thought her parents' drinking was all her fault. Then, she became a parent herself and felt all of the “what ifs” piling on.

Melissa said she often asks herself: “What if I drink? What if I can't control it? What if I end up making my kids feel like I used to?”

For Melissa, this is an ongoing battle. She has found support through therapy, which is helping her realize she isn’t to blame for her parents’ behaviors.

6. “My dad was an abusive alcoholic for years and it's still difficult.”

Rachel and her dad. Photo used with permission.

After years of living with an abusive alcoholic father, Rachel was left burdened with many issues. She told me she wants to find the words to explain how she feels after all these years, but it’s a struggle every day.

7. “My family’s recovery feels far away.”

“My mom is an alcoholic, but sadly is a long way from any sort of recovery,” said Dave.

Dave has loved his mother through all the difficult steps, like visiting many counselors and therapists for help. And as of today, as with many people I heard from, he says nothing has worked. He’s still waiting for the day when his mom will find her way to sobriety.

8. “I’m getting ready to marry into a family with addiction that keeps repeating itself through many generations, and it’s scary.”

Grace’s fiancé’s family struggles with generations of addiction. Her fiancé’s mother grew up with a violent alcoholic father, and Grace has had a hard time accepting how she can still love a man after he’s caused so much pain.

The disease has now been passed down to her fiancé’s immediate siblings. Grace said she’s still trying to grasp the depths of the impacts on a family for so many generations.

“We just have to try our best and accept that people will make mistakes,” said Grace.

9. “I became the recipient of my dad’s rage. For years, I felt like I was always walking on eggshells.”

Ashley’s father made numbing his pain a priority, causing Ashley to view the world through a very dark, untrusting lens. And now, although Ashley’s father has been in recovery for 10 years, she has had to come face-to-face with her own lifelong journey toward recovery too.


Ashley and her dad. Photo provided by Ashley, used with permission.

“I have to work a strong recovery program of my own so I do not continue to pass on the dysfunction and trauma to future generations of my family.”

Ashley recognizes that she learned to cope in dysfunctional ways, as she desperately fought for years for the love and approval of her father. But she says she’s bouncing back, learning to set boundaries and gain back her confidence.

The next time you think you’re alone in learning to love an addict, think again.

We’re all in this fight together. You are not alone.

https://www.pitasplanters.com

Pita and David in front of their mobile plant shop

True

If there is a positive connection between mental health and caring for plants, Lupita Ríos is determined to make it her life’s work to share it with the world.

Ríos owns Dallas-based Pita’s Planters, a small business offering handmade planters, vases, art, bouquet preservation. Her love of vegetation can be traced back to where she spent her childhood—in the jungles of Guatemala—but it wasn’t until Ríos began struggling with panic attacks after college that she realized how healing plants can be.

During a particularly anxious period in her life, the only thing that brought her comfort was a plant she’d inherited from a co-worker. “Every day I would come into work and see some new growth or a new little leaf, and I would just feel so excited … it was like this little seed of light for me during a time when I was not feeling much joy,” said Ríos.

Pita in her plant shop https://www.pitasplanters.com

So she did what made sense: she kept growing plants, eventually learning how to create pots from recycled materials. During the pandemic, she and her husband opened a mobile plant store, which allowed her to share her passion with people in the community. What began as a meditative hobby quickly turned into a booming business, and Ríos, who is also working towards a Ph.D in Neuroscience, found herself overwhelmed with the things that come with being a small business owner (like keeping up with voice messages!).

“I learn as I go,” said Ríos, mentioning that one of the rookie decisions she made as a first-time business owner was to list her cell phone number under the business as the official contact number. “I quickly learned that was not a good idea! I got calls from customers left and right because the business grew so quickly.”

A friend suggested leveraging technology to keep Ríos’ sanity intact. She enrolled in Verizon Small Business Digital Ready, a free online program that offers small businesses nationwide access to over 50 expert courses and grant funding opportunities. The program includes resources created by small business owners for small business owners, covering topics such as marketing, financial planning, social media management, and more. For Ríos, this was the answer to juggling school and business without dropping any balls while the business continues to grow.

Taking control of her mobile plan was the first step in streamlining—and leveling up!—the business. Verizon’s My Biz Plan allowed her select and pay for only what she needed the One Talk App allowed her to reclaim her cell phone for personal use, and Verizon Business Assistant, a GenAI-powered text messaging solution , has been an enormous time-saver. Verizon Business’ 2025 State of Small Business Survey revealed 38% of SMBs are currently using AI–Lupita is one of many using it to help. Instead of spending precious time replying to every DM inquiring about the hours of her shop or troubleshooting a repotted plant’s wilting leaves, business owners like Ríos can set up, customize, and train a virtual assistant to field these questions.

“I didn't even realize I needed this in my life, but Verizon was like, we work with a lot of small businesses and we have a lot of tools that help set your business up so that I can focus on the products, on the marketing, on everything else. And I know that Verizon's got me covered in other ways where I don't have to think about it so much. It is so nice to have someone looking out for you and saying, ‘Yeah, you're busy. We got you covered here. We can take care of this."’

Verizon is committed to reaching one million small businesses with the resources they need to be successful by 2030—with over 450,000 small businesses like Pita’s Planters already using Digital Ready to help their businesses thrive.

Pita and David at their brick and mortar shophttps://www.pitasplanters.com

As for Ríos’ plans for after she receives her doctorate in Neuroscience? She wants to become a professor and continue growing her plant business.“Honestly, there’s nothing quite like having someone walk in who says they’ve never owned a plant before,” said Ríos. “Let me start your plant journey…within a few weeks, you’ll have a jungle in your house.”

Do you own a small business? Verizon offers over $1M in small business grants every year! Complete an application for the Verizon Small Business Digital Readyportal between May 1, 2025, and 11:59 pm PT on June 30, 2025, to be eligible for the application process for a $10,000 grant consideration.

A man and two women having a fun conversation.

There’s no one alive who doesn’t feel some anxiety about making small talk with other people. The difference is that some confront their fears because they know the incredible benefits that it can mean for their social life, romantic prospects, and careers, while some shy away and miss out on many opportunities.

Many people who avoid small talk believe those who excel at it are naturally charismatic or have been blessed with the “gift of gab.” However, many great conversationalists honed their skills and have a set of rules, techniques, and strategies they use when speaking to people, just like how people who do improvisational comedy or acting have a set of rules to follow to put everyone on the same page. Confident, sociable people may make engaging with others look effortless, but that’s because they have a strategy.

conversation, fun office, men and woman, funny conversation, jokes, levityA group of coworkers having a laugh.via Canva/Photos

What is the 30-second rule?

New York Times bestselling author and founder of the Maxwell Institute, John C. Maxwell, had a rule whenever he started a conversation: “Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.” This can work in any social or professional situation, for example:

At work:

“Wendy, I heard you did great on yesterday’s conference call.”

“Frank, I hear the clients really love working with you.”

At a party:

“Mohammed, I really loved those pictures you posted on Instagram on your trip to Mexico.”

“Sang, are we going to get some of your incredible barbecue today?”

On a date:

“Thanks for choosing such a great restaurant, it has such a nice ambiance.”

“I really like the way your necklace brings out your eyes.”

date, conversation, laughs, jokes, salads, dinner, restaurant, cafeA man and woman joking on a date.via Canva/Photos

Whether you are complimenting, relaying positive information about the person, or encouraging them, the key is to pump them up and make them feel good about themselves. The 30-second rule fits nicely into Maxwell’s overall view of relationships: “Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract, cause us to withdraw,” he said.

The key to giving the other person encouragement is to do so genuinely. If you aren’t genuine with your compliments or words of encouragement, your words can have the opposite effect and make the other person feel like you are being condescending.

How does encouragement make people feel?

encouragement, poeple in blue shirts, luaghs, my bad, smiles, supportive peopleA man making a joke with other people in blue shirts.via Canva/Photos

Studies have shown that when people hear words of encouragement, they feel good and have a burst of energy. Psychologist Henry H. Goddard studied tired children and found that they had a burst of energy when he said something encouraging to them. But when he said something negative, they became even more tired.

Ultimately, a direct connection exists between being likeable and being genuinely interested in other people. William King said, “A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”

Every time you start a new conversation with someone, take the opportunity to share some words of encouragement with the other person, and you’ll be on your way to being seen as a brilliant conversationalist.

Family

People applaud brother for 'blowing up at sister' over the name she chose for her baby

"I told her that the name was completely unacceptable, and I was shocked that she chose it."

A brother and sister in a disagreement.

The name your parents choose for you can significantly impact your life. Whether it’s how you’re treated in school and by peers, your professional prospects, or how well you do in the dating arena. A name is nothing to joke about. That’s why an uncle-to-be is mad at his sister. He thinks she isn’t taking naming her unborn daughter seriously and fears it will have dire consequences for the girl in the future.

What started as a funny joke between the brother (a biology student) and his sister (a nurse) has become a bone of contention between the siblings. It all started when the brother sent his sister a humorous list of potential names for his niece based on medical terms.

“I knew she was struggling, so in addition to the $900 wooden crib on her list that I got for her, I gave her a list of (obviously) joke baby names. We have a really close relationship, and it was in line with both our senses of humor,” the brother wrote on Reddit's AITA forum.

“She's a nurse, and I'm a biology student, so all the names were medications, infections, unpleasant animals, etc., that all sound like lovely girls' names out of context,” he continued. “Some of them were a little bit obscure, sure, but I included some obvious ones like ‘Viagra’ and ‘Hernia’ for good measure.

baby, newborn, baby name, baby crib, sleeping baby, birth, A newborn baby sleeping.via Canva/Photos

The problem was that the sister liked one of the names and plans on giving it to her daughter. “Malassezia. The baby's name is Malassezia. One of the names on my joke list. Outside of the immediate issues (nearly impossible to pronounce on the first try, the ‘ass’ smack dab it the middle of it, the first syllable being mal-, literally meaning bad or evil), it's also the name of a very common fungal infection,” he wrote. “One that my sister and I are both genetically predisposed to. One that we've both had multiple times throughout our lives. Her daughter will almost certainly catch it at some time!” The brother told his sister that the name is “completely unacceptable.”

What is Malassezia?

According to the Cleveland Clinic, Malassezia occurs when “yeast that occurs as part of your skin’s natural flora multiplies and infects the hair follicles,” the website reads. “The condition causes itchy pimples to form on your face, scalp and upper body. Healthcare providers treat this fungal infection with topical and systemic antifungal medications.”

The mother completely understands the downside of the name but insists that “it's so obscure that no one will ever think twice about it.” The mother-to-be simply likes the sound of the name. Unsure of what to do, the brother posted the story on Reddit to see if he was in the wrong.

birth certificate, baby name, baby footprint, baby hospital, doctorA doctor taking the baby's footprint.via Canva/Photos

The vast majority of the commenters thought he was totally right to demand the baby’s name be changed.

"I share your frustration, and you're looking out for your niece. While your sis is right that it's her parental right, you're not stepping out of line -- you're family and you're cautioning her,” one commenter wrote. "Tell [the father] so he can veto it,” another commenter added. “Also, how is your sister not thinking about the embarrassment that is going to come with this name? The doctors at every baby appointment will know. I wouldn't be surprised if doctors and nurses giggle when they see her chart. And when she's in school, kids will likely find out what her name means and bully her. Tell your sister to think about her daughter's future. She's thinking too much about her feelings and not thinking about her daughter who would have to live with that name."

One commenter broke the name into chunks and found it has multiple meanings. “Mal = bad + ass = bad ass. So we have the nickname. Now Ezia - Hebrew for elegance? e-Zia as in electronic aunt (Italian?) or electric cottage/home/campervan (Pueblo?),” they wrote.

The only people who thought the brother was wrong were those who believed his sister was pulling a fast one on him. “You gave a joke name list and seem unable to tell she's joking back,” they wrote.

Ultimately, just about everyone agrees that the brother was right to speak up. Names matter, and kids have to live with them their entire lives. Hopefully, his sister takes the hint before her daughter has a name better suited to a microscope slide than a birth certificate.

A woman holding back her laughter.

One of the biggest topics in parenting these days is the mental and physical drain that comes with being the default parent in a family. The default parent is the one who is first in line when it comes to taking responsibility for parenting duties, whether that means making doctor’s appointments, ensuring the homework is done, or making sure the child has enough socks to make it through the week.

Being the default parent can lead to fatigue and burnout, and the parent can experience incredible anxiety when their attention turns away from the household or family. The situation is even worse when the default parent’s partner only does the bare minimum. Unfortunately, in American society, fathers are often the parents who do just enough to get by and are praised for it.

The notion that men don’t have to pull their equal weight in American family life is so ingrained that when Emma Hughes, a travel nanny with over one year of experience in childcare and family support, visited Sweden for two weeks, she experienced extreme culture shock.


"I've been in Sweden now and I think I've been ruined for American men," the 24-year-old said in a viral Instagram video. "Specifically raising a child with an American man in America, because these Scandinavian dads? Chef's kiss …"

"I'm actually embarrassed to talk about this because all of the observations that I've made have really revealed to me how deeply ingrained [expletive] dads have become like in my brain, and it's just like the default,” she continued.

The notion that fathers only have to do the bare minimum was so ingrained in Hughes’ psyche that she couldn’t understand seeing so many involved fathers in Sweden.

sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, soccer, swedish childA dad playing soccer with his child.via Canva/Photos

"When I see more dads pushing their strollers in the park on a Saturday morning than moms, what does my brain think … That's weird, there is something abnormal about that,” Hughes said. “When I see dads at the grocery store with their kids. When I see dads out at restaurants or in public. It is so deeply telling of a lot of subconscious stuff that I have going on in my brain after working with so many families."

She said that even the best dads she's worked with in America would be considered the "Scandinavian bare minimum." She applauded one Swedish father who purchased a new size of diapers for his baby without being told to do so by his partner.

swedes, swedish couple, scandanavia, swedish flag, happy swedesA couple holding up the Swedish flag.via Canva/Photos

"Like I watched a Swedish dad go to the grocery store and come home with like four bags of groceries and in that trip he had bought size two diapers for a baby that had previously been wearing size one and was ready to move into size two but that conversation had not happened between the mom and the dad,” she said.

Given Swedish dads' dedication towards their parenting responsibilities, it’s fair to assume that their partners are much happier and stress-free than those in the States. But what about their kids? Researchers at the United Nations who studied “child well-being in rich countries” found that Swedish fathers also ranked high by their children. The survey asked children in 28 countries if it was easy to talk to their dads, and while 67% of children in the study said their parents were easy to talk to, Swedish fathers scored higher at 72.4%. Meanwhile, the U.S ranked 25, out of 28, at just 59.7%.

sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, swedish child, dad reading note, A Swedish dad reading a note. via Canva/Photos

Ultimately, Hughes makes an important point that Scandinavian men have set a high bar for being fathers and that American men need to step up. The positive sign is that in America, the discussion around default parenting has been getting louder and louder, and hopefully, that will prompt more American men and women to set higher expectations so that one day, American men can catch Sweden’s.

Animals & Wildlife

Scientists have finally discovered the gene mutation that makes most orange cats male

For decades, the gene that results in only 1 in 5 ginger kitties being female has eluded researchers.

We know 80% of orange cats are male, but until now we didn't know the specific gene mutation that causes orange fur.

If an orange cat were to show up at your doorstep and you had to wager whether it was male or female, the odds would definitely be in your favor if you bet male. Only around 20% of orange cats are female, making them fairly rare (though not as rare as a male calico cat, as 99.9% of calicos are female).

Up until now, scientists assumed that the male-to-female ratio for orange cats was due to an X chromosome gene mutation. Since male cats have XY chromosomes, having the gene mutation on the X chromosome makes a male cat orange. But since female cats have two X chromosomes, they have to inherit the mutation on both of them, making it statistically less likely for a female cat to come out with orange fur. While the fact that a sex-linked gene causes orange coloring in cats was understood, which specific gene and what kind of mutation have been an elusive mysteries for decades.

orange cat, ginger kitty, male orange cat, female orange cat, genetic mutationA genetic mutation deletes a piece of DNA that usually suppresses a specific gene in orange cats.Photo credit: Canva

Not anymore. In two studies published simultaneously in the journal Current Biology in May 2025, geneticists at Stanford University in the U.S. and Kyushu University in Japan have pinpointed the exact gene mutation that causes orange pigmentation in cats. The gene is known as Arghap36, and the mutation appears to delete a section of DNA that normally suppresses the expression of the gene, allowing it to remain active.

But the finding was surprising in a few ways.

“At the time we found it, the Arhgap36 gene had no connection to pigmentation,” said Stanford geneticist and lead author Christopher Kaelin, PhD. in a statement. Arhgap36, which has been studied in cancer and developmental biology research, is normally expressed in neuroendocrine tissues. Overexpression there can lead to tumors, but the increased activity of the gene in orange cats causes their unique pigmentation.

orange cat, ginger kitty, male orange cat, female orange cat, genetic mutationMost orange cats are male.Giphy by UC Davis

“In a number of species that have yellow or orange pigment, those mutations almost exclusively occur in one of two genes, and neither of those genes are sex-linked,” Kaelin said. “The mutation in orange cats seems to turn on Arghap36 expression in a cell type, the pigment cell, where it’s not normally expressed.”

Notably, this seems to truly be specific to orange cats and only orange cats.

“Arghap36 is not expressed in mouse pigment cells, in human pigment cells or in cat pigment cells from non-orange cats,” Kaelin said. “The mutation in orange cats seems to turn on Arghap36 expression in a cell type, the pigment cell, where it’s not normally expressed. Certainly, this is a very unusual mechanism where you get misexpression of a gene in a specific cell type."

orange cat, ginger kitty, male orange cat, female orange cat, genetic mutationOrange cat pigmentation is due to a unique gene mutation. Photo credit: Canva

The development of genomic research over the past five to ten years is what enabled the scientists to pinpoint the way the gene mutation works. Hiroyuki Sasaki, a self-proclaimed cat-lover and geneticist at Kyushu University’s Medical Institute of Bioregulation and the Institute for Advanced Study, organized a crowdfunded effort in Japan, raising $70,000 so he could fund his study.

“Identifying the gene has been a longtime dream, so it’s a joy to have finally cracked it,” Sasaki said in a statement. "Arghap36 is essential for development, with many other roles in the body, so I had never imagined it could be the orange gene."

Sasaki points out that the DNA deletion lies in a non-coding deletion region of the gene, so the protein itself doesn't change. Arghap36 is also active in many areas of the body, including the brain and hormonal glands, which means the activation of it could theoretically affect more than just fur color in orange cats.

“For example, many cat owners swear by the idea that different coat colors and patterns are linked with different personalities,” laughs Sasaki. “There’s no scientific evidence for this yet, but it’s an intriguing idea and one I’d love to explore further.”

One thing the scientists don't know for sure is when along the line of evolution this mutation first occurred. Kaelin says it probably occurred early in the domestication process, but Sasaki has ideas for figuring it out.

“One idea is to study ancient Egyptian cat paintings—or even to test DNA from mummified cats—to see if any cats back then were orange,” he says. “It’s ambitious, but I’m excited to try.”

You can read more about the study from Stanford University here and the Kyushu University study here.

A little girl peaking through stage curtains.

One little girl is somersaulting her way into people’s hearts, and reminding us all of how important it is to put yourself out there every once in a while.

In a now-viral TikTok clip posted by @ashleydkennedy14, we learn that her kindergarten-aged niece had apparently entered herself into a talent show without telling her mom—a feat that involved forging mom’s signature onto a permission slip, no less.

And just what did this “act” consist of? Somersaults. Lots of ‘em. Six, to be exact. Also one cartwheel, for good measure. She’d basically deliver one roll, wait for uproarious applause, then do another one. Solid routine, if you ask us.

Honestly, it’s hard to tell which aspect of this moment is more endearing: watching this little girl valiantly overcome a wee bit of shyness—and in the process tapping into some pretty captivating stage presence—or seeing how enthusiastic the audience was to support her. Just good, wholesome stuff all around.

Watch:

Even online viewers were taken aback by this girl’s fearlessness. Or rather, her determination to keep going, in spite of her fear.

“I need to know what her parents did because this is CEO level confidence and I am here for it.”

“She was like oh 🤸 u like that 🤸”

talent show, funny kids, funny kids videos, wholesome, kids, kids dance, kids gymnastics, family, endearingNailed it. media4.giphy.com

“Im honestly impressed by her independence. She signed herself up and was confident that she had it. Good job mama.”

“She will go far in life. Courage is everything.”

Others noted how kind the crowd was to cheer her on.

“For the people who clapped, as a mother: THANK YOU. it means a lottt.”

“The cheers from the crowd are the best.”

“Ok. because the crowd passed the vibe check. We cheer over here, be brave!”

Funnily enough, plenty of other folks chimed in with similar stories of kiddos sneaking into talent shows…with talents they may or may not have actually possessed.

“My son tried to sign himself up to do karate at his school talent show…he’s never been to a karate class in his life…”

talent show, funny kids, funny kids videos, wholesome, kids, kids dance, kids gymnastics, family, endearingWatch out, she knows karate!media1.giphy.com

“My daughter entered herself into the talent show in 1st grade and didn’t say anything. She played the piano… she had never played piano in her life til that day lol I need that confidence.”

“My brother did this! He played harmonica for the whole school. He doesn’t know how to play the harmonica.”

While this girl might receive a stern talking to about the importance of not forging signatures, her story is nonetheless a prime example of how kids can really shine when left on their own to take risks, try new things, and opt for exploration over perfection. It can be hard for parents to not want to protect their little ones from failure (whatever that means), but life often provides moments just like this to remind them that taking a step back is a precious opportunity to help instill some self advocacy.

It’s just like the old saying goes, “Leap, and the net will appear.” Or in this case…somersault, and the cheers will follow.