A man and woman chatting over some wine.
A lot of people are uncomfortable making small talk, but it’s an essential skill that can make or break your love life, career, and social experiences. Many people believe that being good at chatting with others is something innate, but those who excel at it work at their craft and pick up small tips along the way to become better communicators.
One of the tricks that all great communicators know is that you will be more likable when you're more interested than interesting. Study after study shows that people love talking about themselves, and if you ask people more questions, they will like you a lot more than if you did all the talking. So, how do we do this without creating a one-sided conversation where your conversation partner learns nothing about you? The folks at the Science of People have shared the statement-plus question technique.
“One of the smoothest ways to keep conversation flowing is to share a brief personal statement followed by a question,” the Science of People writes. “This technique accomplishes two things: it gives the other person information about you (making you seem more approachable and interesting) while also redirecting focus to them.”
Coworkers having a nice conversation.via Canva/Photos
Here are some examples:
Instead of asking “What do you do for work?” say:
“I’m a writer for Upworthy, and I enjoy seeing my work read by millions of people. What excites you about your job?”
Instead of asking, “Where do you live?” try:
“I live in Long Beach, California, and it’s really nice living by the ocean. What do you love the most about where you live?”
Instead of asking, “How do you know the person who threw the party?” say:
“I met Sarah at a church meeting seven years ago. Do you remember the first time you met her?”
These questions enable you to discuss yourself while maintaining the focus on the other person. They are also open-ended, so you don’t just get a one-word answer. You learn their job and what excites them about it. You know where they live, and they get to brag about what they like about the city. The technique also broadens the conversation because, according to the psychological phenomenon known as reciprocal self-disclosure, people are more likely to disclose things about themselves after you share something about yourself.
- YouTube youtu.be
“The most likely result of your self-disclosure is that other people will do the same. In the field of communication, we refer to this as 'reciprocity.' When you share information about yourself, the most likely result is that people will start to disclose a similar type of information from their own lives," communication coach Alexander Lyon says. "In our presentations, we talk about this as a magic wand. Disclosure is the closest thing we have to a magic wand in terms of a concept in communication. When you disclose, other people almost automatically reciprocate."
Ultimately, people love to talk about themselves, and if you give them the opportunity, they will like you more for it. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t reveal some aspects of yourself at the same time while keeping the focus on them. The statement-plus question technique allows you to reveal some things about yourself while making the other person feel seen and comfortable telling you more about themselves. It’s sure to elevate your small talk to something more substantial in a relaxed way that doesn’t feel like an interview.
A couple talking over coffee.
Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.
However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.
Two women chatting in front of a fire. Credit: Atlantic Ambience/Pexels
The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement:
"It reminds me of…”
A Redditor recently shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun:
Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"
You:
Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."
Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."
Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."
Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”
Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”
- YouTube www.youtube.com
You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.
Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologuing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.
Two guys chat at a cafe. Credit: Helena Lopes/Pexels
Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.
This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.
Even cats have a favorite person. Here's how they choose.
Cats may be persnickety at times or appear aloof to the presence of humans, but that doesn't mean they don't have their favorites. Just like dogs, cats also fancy having a human best friend, but unless the feline companion is overly affectionate, one may not know they've been chosen.
Some cats live up to the expectation that they will give the most attention to the person who likes them the least. But most cats are particular about who they choose to give their attention to. In a one-person household, there could be a real possibility that the human in the equation isn't the favorite. After all, cats are not dogs who will be excited by their humans' mere existence. Cats are much more like broke royalty who expect their humans to be grateful for the opportunity to scoop out their litter boxes.
Curious cat and baby share a gentle moment on the grass.Photo credit: Canva
Due to the imaginary royal title, a cat is much more discerning about who they give their priceless attention to. Usually, it's easy to tell who kitty has designated as their favorite person in a multi-person household. But the question remains, how do they pick their person?
According to Union Lake Veterinary Hospital, "People who communicate with their cat by getting to know their cues and motives are more attractive to their cat companions." They added, "Another reason behind their preference is the cat’s breed or personality. If your cat is the type who wants to be chill and relax, they will probably gravitate towards the family member who is calm and quiet. Playful, energetic cats who love to stay active will likely choose a friend who gives them this exercise and attention. In fact, it may be that your cat is revealing something about you in why they choose to love you best."
Feline friends sharing a tender moment by the window.Photo credit: Canva
Certified Feline Training and Behavior Specialist and founder of Cat Behavior Solutions, Molly DeVoss, explains to Rover that cats prefer people who have a calming presence, feed them, and play with them. She also shares how trauma in a cat's early life influences how they form attachments to humans. "If a cat (or kitten) were in an abusive or neglectful situation with a certain demographic, they’re more likely to feel uncomfortable and unsafe around some types of people."
Cats will let you know that you might be their favorite person by doing a few things. According to DeVoss, if a cat is keen on you being their number one human, they'll do things like headbutt your hands, legs, and even forehead. They'll bring you their toys, rub their scent on you, rub their teeth or mouth on you, and groom you by licking your hair. DeVoss also says that when a cat exposes their belly or flops around briefly, it displays a deep level of trust.
A sweet moment shared with a fluffy friend.Photo credit: Canva
To become your cat's favorite person, you may need to start sharing some common interests. That doesn't mean you have to stalk bugs or start knocking things off of counters, but if your cat likes watching out the window, you can make it a shared activity. Cats can also be trained to perform tricks, especially those that are active and attentive to their surroundings. You can even get a cat play yard or "catio" for the ones that seem as if they're longing to do some porch sitting with you.
You can also bond with them by talking to them throughout the day, even if they don't know what you're saying, Union Lake Veterinary Hospital says. Being affectionate with your cat more often, with pets, hugs, and scratches, will make them feel loved and safe. Doing some of these things will have your feline companion purring their little hearts out in no time.
As of November, all childcare will be no-cost for families in New Mexico.
In the modern era, one of the biggest financial considerations families have to navigate is the cost of childcare. Many families can't make it on one income, but those who work in lower-wage jobs often find that childcare costs nearly as much as they make, putting them between a pricey rock and an expensive hard place. Single parents are even more stuck, and with the cost of other basic living expenses putting a squeeze on people's pocketbooks, most have no choice but to work full-time.
That's why New Mexico becoming the first U.S. state to provide universal, no-cost childcare to all families across the state, regardless of income, is a big deal. As of Nov. 1, 2025, that financial burden is lifted for all families statewide.
New Mexico will cover childcare costs for all families across the state, regardless of income. www.facebook.com
“The blueprint for early childhood education in America is happening right here in New Mexico,” Lujan Grisham said at a news conference at the state Capitol. That blueprint includes eliminating the current income limit (which is 400% of the federal poverty level) to qualify for childcare assistance, increasing the pay for childcare providers to a minimum of $18 an hour, and a plan to build 55 more licensed childcare centers and register 1,000 new in-home daycares. The state estimates an additional 5,000 early childhood professionals are needed to fully achieve a universal system, which means more job opportunities for New Mexico residents as well.
According to the Albuquerque Journal, the Early Childhood Education and Care Department (ECECD) currently spends about $463 million per year (about half of that department's budget) on child care assistance for families. Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham will reportedly seek an additional $120 million during the 30-day session that begins in January to fully implement the new plan.
“It’s not an expenditure, it’s an investment," said Lt. Gov. Howie Morales. That appears to be how many countries around the world view it as well, since the United States sits as an outlier among developed nations when it comes to money spent subsidizing childcare.
“Child care is essential to family stability, workforce participation, and New Mexico’s future prosperity,” said Lujan Grisham. “By investing in universal child care, we are giving families financial relief, supporting our economy, and ensuring that every child has the opportunity to grow and thrive.”
Pew Research found that a majority of Americans believe providing free child care would encourage more people to have children, which is significant since birth rates in the U.S. have dropped and fertility rates worldwide are in a sharp decline. Economists and other experts have expressed concern over declining populations being unable to replace themselves and the social and economic ramifications of that potentiality. While the number of children someone has is a personal family decision, initiatives like universal childcare make it easier for families to have the number of children they desire.
“Early childhood care and education is a public good,” said ECECD Sec. Elizabeth Groginsky. “By providing universal access and improving pay for our early childhood workforce, we are easing financial pressure on families, strengthening our economy, and helping every child learn in safe, nurturing environments. This is the kind of investment that builds equity today and prosperity for the future.”
Families in New Mexico won't have to worry about affording childcare. Photo credit: Canva
What many Americans may not know is that the U.S. actually did have universal childcare once before. During World War II, the U.S. government subsidized childcare so mothers could work and contribute to the war effort. An estimated 550,000 to 600,000 children were cared for at daycare facilities at no cost for families, but despite letters and petitions asking to keep the program going, the government ended it in 1946.
Will other states follow in New Mexico's footsteps? We'll see. New Mexico appears to be a good place to start investing more in early childhood and childcare, as the state ranks close to the bottom in child well-being, health, and education. While government can't fix all societal problems, it can strive to ensure that families have the resources they need to stay above water and afford the basic necessities.
