A viral TikTok argues that women don't want to give up the joy of their own personal peace and freedom for anyone.
There's been a lot of discourse on the state of modern dating and a lot of theories on why it seems harder than ever for people to find connection with romantic partners. Could it be that the achievement and education gaps between men and women are altering the dynamics? Have social media and dating apps broken our brains and hearts? Do we all have unrealistic expectations and unlimited options, leading to never feeling satisfied with anything or anyone?
Those are all intriguing options, but an alternate theory has recently arisen that's quickly gaining steam: Maybe being single isn't as lonely as we think. Maybe being single is actually freaking awesome.
A guy on TikTok who goes by Get To the Point Bro shared a hilarious monologue on why women who have been single for a long time "don't want to date anymore." Women say he absolutely nailed it.
The Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot on Giphy
At first, it might seem like he's poking fun, either at single women or at the men who can't seem to win them over. But not so! What he's done is perfectly captured the joy many people find in being single and, frankly, able to do whatever the hell they want.
"Some women have been single for so long they don't date anymore, they grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor's badge," he says. "You text her good morning and she's already annoyed, like 'Why are you disturbing the sacred silence of my personal growth journey?'"
He goes on, "Bro she's been sleeping diagonally in her bed for three years, she's not giving up that territory because you opened the door and paid for coffee."
"You plan a cute date, she's thinking 'That sounds nice but also I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12 steps skincare routine, order sushi and not have to listen to a man breathe.'"
"You try to check in emotionally, 'How are you feeling?' She's feeling fantastic because you're not here."
"You're not competing with other guys. There are no other guys. You're competing with her weighted blanket, her peace, her cat named Chairman Meow, and the simple joy of not having to share her fries."
These are just a few of the best lines from the nearly 2-minute rant, all delivered in the most amazing French accent you can imagine. Please, enjoy:
@gettothepointbro DATING A GIRL WHO IS USED TO BE ALONE CAN BE VERY HARD .
The best thing about the video is the discussion in the comments. Women want to know how this man got access to this top-secret information. The rant is so eerily, frighteningly accurate that women are convinced this French guy is living in their heads. That, or someone's secretly leaking intel.
"dammit. somebody call a meeting of the council. he knows too much."
"I dont often offer this compliment to the male species but you explained it better than I ever could."
"Alright, who’s told him this info??? So exposed right now"
"The joy of sleeping diagonally across my bed cannot be fully explained."
"This is the most accurate profiling I’ve ever heard. You absolutely ailed it."
Clearly, we've tapped into a real phenomenon here.
@gettothepointbro CAN YOU RELATE LADIES ? THAT’S WHY WE LOVE YOU ❤️
The truth is that many people—both men and women—are disillusioned with the sad state of the dating scene these days. App burnout is a real thing, and meeting new people in real life is a ton of work. So, it's no surprise that more and more people are just choosing to stay single and enjoy all the perks that come along with it. This is a stark change, especially for women.
According to FiveThirtyEight, "Women were also more likely than men to say that they weren’t dating because they have other priorities right now." Priorities like travel, career, friendship, and even just self-care—all things that wind up taking a backseat when people get involved in relationships. It wasn't too long ago that women of a certain age that were still single were called "spinsters," but that word has lost a significant amount of power. This new generation of women aren't embarrassed or ashamed to be single; they're loving it for exactly all the reasons this video describes.
This article originally appeared in April.
This trick can fix any attitude.
Raising kids can be a frustrating experience, no matter how rewarding you also find it. Sometimes, it can feel like half of parenting is repeating yourself over and over again, asking your child to brush their teeth or take a dish from the living room to the sink. It’s exhausting and makes you feel like a nag. Don't you wish there was a simple way to make your kids listen the first time?
Dr. Rebecca Kennedy, aka “Dr. Becky,” is a clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of Good Inside who says she has a quick way to make your kids more cooperative and less rude. Talk about killing two soul-crushing birds with one parenting stone. Dr. Becky got into psychology after struggling with anorexia as a teenager.
“Okay, no matter how old your kid is, you can use this 15-second tip to decrease rudeness and increase cooperation,” she says in a TikTok video with over 32,000 views. “Find your child today and ask them this question. 'Hey, I was just wondering, what could I do better as your parent?'”
A mom and son talk on the couch.Canva Photos
The psychologist says that even if the child has a random or impractical answer such as “Let me stay up ‘til midnight” or “I’d like to eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” just to listen. Simply by listening, you can change your child’s behavior.
She says we should also ask more questions to further the conversation: “Tell me more. What would that be like?”
@drbeckyatgoodinside Want to improve your relationship with your kid in less than 15 seconds? Watch this reel for a quick-win strategy. The best part: When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids. Of course, I’m a realist… I know you need in-the-moment strategies too! Cue: My Conquering Problem Behaviors Workshop. You’ll get an entire toolbox of in-the-moment and outside-the-moment strategies for reducing outbursts and strengthening your bond with your kid. Learn more in the link in bio!
“I mean, imagine your boss coming to you randomly and asking how they could be a better manager to you. Just by asking the question and listening,” she continued. Dr. Becky says that asking our kids how we’re doing as parents communicates three essential ideas: “I care about you. I respect you. I'm invested in this relationship.”
This type of questioning builds a connection with a child that can spill over into other behaviors. “You're building connection. And with more connection always comes more cooperation,” she ends the video.
The big takeaway from the video is that when we enhance our connection with our kids, they will be less likely to disobey or be rude because they feel heard and respected, so there’s no need to act out. They will also return that respect by listening to you when you have a request, such as taking out the trash or putting down their phone and coming to dinner.
Some people in the comments got funny responses when they asked their kids what they could improve. “I asked my 5yr old. I got a mildly scathing look and she said ‘erm, maybe try and burn dinner less next time?’” one parent wrote. “My 5 yo told me to look better and get a haircut,” another added.
Dr. Becky’s quick question is a great way for parents to strengthen their relationships when things are going well instead of trying to forge connections during conflict. It’s a great reminder that even when parenting, an ounce of prevention is a pound of cure.
A happy family.Canva Photos
Dr. Becky sums up the importance of prevention in her TikTok caption: “When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids,” she wrote.
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
We need both in ordr for a conversation to shine.
It’s fascinating how being social is so deeply ingrained in our DNA. Yet, many of us struggle to have truly impactful, engaging, or at the very least enjoyable conversations with one another.
Of course, we need not blame ourselves for this dilemma. Aside from giving the occasional problem child a note on their report card stating “doesn’t get along well with others,” special skills aren’t necessarily taught to us from a young age. That, and we live in a world with fewer and fewer inherent opportunities to connect, coupled with the fact that we attribute labels like “introverted” or “shy” that imply it goes against a person’s very nature to strike up any small talk. Which might be partially true, and thus ultimately limiting.
Thankfully, the Internet is filled to the brim with expert-backed tips and tricks that can make this conundrum a little easier (we should know—we’ve indeed written quite a few pieces on the subject).
This brings us to the “driver and passenger” conversation analogy, something coined by communications expert Vanessa Van Edwards.
Two people in a car.Photo credit: Canva
Essentially, a “driver” is the person steering the conversation, while the passenger is simply along for the ride. Think of someone (driver) retelling the plot of a movie they just saw while the listener (passenger) “oos” and “ahs.”
Each role provides a necessary function, but each has strong and weak characteristics. Bad drivers, for example, might dominate a conversation and talk constantly on autopilot, creating tension.
Similarly, bad passengers might stay silent and contribute nothing to the conversation, making it equally uncomfortable.
Example of a bad driver, versus a bad passenger.Photo credit: Canva
On the other hand, good drivers are adept at “including everyone at their comfort level,” and great passengers “listen intently.”
As you can probably surmise, most of us instinctively gravitate towards either driver or passenger most of the time. If you lean towards being more extroverted, you likely tend to drive conversations. And if you’re most introverted, you might prefer to be a passenger, sitting back to let someone else dictate where things go.
But what happens when two extroverts meet and talk over one another because they only know how to drive? Or when two passenger introverts struggle to steer the dialogue at all? The importance of being able to handle both positions becomes ever clearer.
As Van Edwards explains, there are key scenarios where it might be better to assume a specific role. When you’re in a setting in which you don’t know anyone, being a passenger is optimal. When you’re in a group and are familiar with most of the people, being a driver is often the best option.
Bottom line, as Van Edwards, “You have permission. You are in control of which role you want.”
- YouTube youtube.com
Just like any good road trip, the best conversation happens when someone keeps things moving forward, and someone else manages the vibes. Each person knows their job and contributes intentionally. And they each know to switch places at the next pit stop.
