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Modern Families

Gen X parents who 'roamed free' as kids challenge Millennial parents' 'constant stimulation'

"Parents are constantly 'doing' something with their kids."

gen x parents, millennial parents, parenting, parenting style, family
Image via Canva/Kampus Production

Gen X parents discuss biggest parenting difference between them and Millennials.

Parenting styles are always changing from generation to generation. And Gen Xers are taking note about how vastly different their parents' (from the Silent Generation and Baby Boomers) style of parenting differs from Millennials.

One Gen Xer shared, "Something I’ve noticed the last 10 years or so is how much parents are constantly 'doing' something with their kids all summer. I have a few friends that are much younger and have children of all ages. It seems like everyday they are going to the zoo, going to the park, going to a museum, waterpark, taking them horseback riding etc. It never stops."

After explaining the observation, they continued, "I just remember being a kid and playing outside all summer and maybe doing 1-2 things all summer. Do kids really need this much constant stimulation? Please correct me if I’m wrong. It just seems like A LOT."

@nostalgicjunkies1

80s parents gave us freedom. We played till sunset, rode bikes, and explored the world without a care. They trusted us, letting us grow with our own experiences. 🕶️💖 #80sNostalgia #Freedom #Parenting #ChildhoodMemories #90sKids #80sParents #Nostalgia #ParentingWin ! #nostalgia #childhood #80sparents #millenial #childhoodmemories #80sbaby #teenager #throwback #millennialsoftiktok #80snostalgia #nostalgiacore #usa #fyp #foryoupage #trending

Many Gen Xers agreed, and explained the value in giving their kids space growing up. "My kids are older now, but when they were young, I tried to do a combo of unstructured time and fun activities in the summers. We'd have a few days of unstructured time in a row, then hit a museum or water park or something to break it up. I think they both have value," one wrote.

And another Gen Xer added, "It’s not an all or nothing thing. Being around your kids 24/7 so they get smothered and never learn to make their own decisions is bad but our parents basically ignoring us all the time was just as bad. There’s a pretty large happy medium where you hang out with your kids sometimes while in other times you leave them to their own devices."

The post garnered further reaction, and healthy debate. Other Gen Xers disagreed, noting their parents could have been more involved with them growing up.

@b.u.p.c

Replying to @duanemclendon still raising kids at my age. #genx

One Gen Xer explained how their parents' hands-off style influenced theirs to be completely different. "We were also just kinda generally neglected. Like, I was in Little League in the summer, but I had to ride my BMX bike like 45 minutes to get to practice, and I for sure had to make lunch for myself before I left home. I suspect that part of what’s going on now is a reaction to that," they wrote.

Some Millennials also shared that they intentionally don't overstimulate their kids. "This has not at all been my parenting style. To take it even further, I feel doing so is ultimately a disservice to the kids, no matter how well intended. Too many children have become dependent on constant outside stimulation," one wrote. "Too many kids are too damn busy. Learning to amuse yourself is a life skill, and parents ought to be encouraging it. Let them just be once in awhile, especially on their Summer break."

@mrjackskipper

Am I right? #relatable #parenting #90s

However, other Millennials defended their more 'involved' parenting style proudly. "I read that on average working mothers today spend more direct time with their children than stay-at-home mothers did in the 1970s. That was pretty telling to me. ETA: My point being that parents in our generation in general probably spend more time with children," one shared. And another added, "My father once bragged to me he had never changed a diaper. It was not the flex he thought it was."

One Millennial parent summarized their parenting style succinctly: "I think it's because Millennial parents see their kids as human beings and not just something they had to make and raise cause society told them to."

A cassette tape from the '80s.

Generation X occupies an interesting time in history, for those who care to recognize that they actually exist. They were born between 1965 and 1980 and came into this world at an interesting inflection point: women were becoming a larger part of the workplace and divorce was at the highest point in history. This left Gen X to be the least parented generation in recent history.

Gen X was overlooked in their domestic lives and culturally were overshadowed by Baby Boomers with their overpowering nostalgia for Woodstock, The Beatles, and every cultural moment celebrated in Forest Gump. Once Boomer navel-gazing nostalgia began to wane, a much larger and over-parented generation, the Millennials, came on the scene.

“Whereas Boomers were the ‘me generation’ and millennials were the ‘me me me generation,’ Gen X has become the ‘meh’ generation,” Emily Stewart writes at Business Insider. But even if Gen X is a little aloof, that doesn’t mean they aren’t totally rad, awesome, trippindicular, and that it’d be bogus to define them any other way. To explain the unique history of Gen X and why they’re often overlooked, history teacher Lauren Cella created a timeline on TikTok to explain them to her Gen Z students..

@laurencella92

A love letter to Gen X from your millennial cousin🫶 Gen X didn’t start the fire, so after this I will just leave them alone because they do not care 🤣 But seriously for a generation that sometimes gets “forgotten” and stuck between the larger boomer or millennial cohorts, the genres they created paved the way for pop culture as we know it. I’m still not sure who let kids watch “The Day After” on TV or play on those hot metal playgrounds, but Gen X survived to tell the tale. Today, the so called “latchkey” kids, born 1965-1980 are actually super involved as parents, aunts, uncles, teachers (or maybe even grandparents)😉. Kids today want to say they are “built different” but I think Gen X is the one holding down that title because they grew up tough, they saw too much, they made it out, and they know exactly who they are and wouldn’t have it any other way.✌️ #g#genx

In Cella’s video, she divides Gen X into three distinct phases.

Phase 1: 1970s stagflation and changing families

“Gas shortages meant stagflation. So parents either both had to work or maybe they were divorced. So that meant microwave TV dinners and kids that sort of raised themselves,” Cella explains. “There was no parenting blogs, there was no after-school travel sports, emailing. Like, none of that existed. Bored? Go outside."


Phase 2: The neon ‘80s

“But then came the 1980s, where everything was big and loud. The hair, the bangs, the Reaganomics, mass consumerism (because now we can trade with China). The whole media just exploded,” Cella says. “But now we have TV, we have movies, we have TV, movies, home movies, TV movies, favorite TV movies, music, music, Videos, music, video, television. All these different genres and all these different cliques and all these different ways that you can express yourself.”


Phase 3: 1990s post-Cold War Skepticism

“Gen X sort of comes into the 1990s more sarcastic and skeptical,” Cella continues. “The Cold War ending meant that they rejected the excess of the eighties. And there's the shift. Grunge, indie, alternative, flannels, Docs [Doc Martins]. At this point, the technology is also exploding, but not like fun home media, but like corporate media. So there's this resistance to sell-out culture.”


Cella has a theory on why Gen X seems forgotten, and it’s not just because CBS News famously denied its existence. She believes that it comes down to Gen X’s inability to call attention to itself. “So Gen X is a bridge between these two larger, more storied generations. So it's not necessarily that they get forgotten. They don't really want the attention. They're kind of fine to just like, fly under the radar like they always have, because honestly, it's whatever.”

Education

Carl Sagan's 1988 astronomy course had nothing to do with stars. The final exam is still relevant.

"He knew critical thinking was a skill needed to tackle the world's problems."

Public Domain/Library of Congress

Carl Sagan's Astronomy 490 class had little to do with astronomy, at least on the surface.

If you signed up for a college class called Astronomy 490, you'd likely expect it to be a high level study of the cosmos. It would focus on stars, planets, galaxies, black holes, perhaps delving deeper into theories of the world's greatest astrophysicists and cosmologists. Something having to actually do with the night sky at least, right?

Famed astronomer and science communicator Carl Sagan offered Astronomy 490 at Cornell University as a senior seminar course in the 1980s, but it was nothing like what one might expect. The focus of the course wasn't stars, but "critical thinking in scientific and non-scientific contexts." The course used examples from Astronomy and other fields and case studies from the history of science as well as "borderline science and medicine, religion and politics." The idea was to help students across all fields of study to become better thinkers through logic and rhetoric and the scientific method.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Students had to be approved by Sagan in order to take the class, and they had to be "well-qualified" and prepared to "assimilate an extensive reading list" as well as participate in class discussions. The book list included textbooks on logic, reasoning, cooperation, and free thought, and class discussion topics ranged from world hunger to Affirmative Action to the Palestinian state.

The Library of Congress houses Sagan's handwritten course notes, which special curator and digital archivist Trevor Owens wrote, "include mention of the important balance between openness to new ideas and skeptical engagement with those ideas in science" and show how "he wanted to use student’s every day experience with things like television to prompt them to think more skeptically about how claims are made and warranted in everyday life."

TV, television, carl sagan, astronomy 490, critical thinking Critical thinking became even more important in the age of television. Giphy

But what was perhaps most interesting about the course is its final exam. Or rather, exams. The Library of Congress has course exams from 1986 and 1988, and they differ in what Sagan asked students to do. However, the purpose was the same: To prompt students to put to use all the critical thinking skills they had gained in the class.

In his 1986 final exam, Sagan asked students to do two thought exercises and write papers about them. The first was to comment on the pros and cons of this quote from George Bernard Shaw, written around 1921:

"Our credulity, though enormous, is not boundless; and our stock of it is quite used up by our mediums, clairvoyants, hand readers, slate writers, Christian Scientists, psycho-analysts, electronic vibration diviners, therapeutists of all schools registered and unregistered, astrologers, astronomers who tell us that the sun is nearly a hundred million miles away and that Betelgeuse is ten times as big as the whole universe, physicists who balance Betelgeuse by describing the incredible smallness of the atom, and a host of other marvel mongers whose credulity would have dissolved the Middle Ages in a roar of sceptical merriment. In the Middle Ages people believed that the earth was flat, for which they had at least the evidence of their senses: we believe it to be round, not because as many as one per cent of us could give the physical reasons for so quaint a belief, but because modern science has convinced us that nothing that is obvious is true, and that everything that is magical, improbable, extraordinary, gigantic, microscopic, heartless, or outrageous is scientific."


carl sagan, astronomy 490, critical thinking, final exam, college course First page of Carl Sagan's Astronomy 490 final exam in 1988.Library of Congress

The second part of the exam was to design and execute an experimental test of sun sign astrology (such as the daily horoscopes in the newspapers of the time). If that experiment found that evidence for sun sign astrology was poor, students were to explain its popularity. If the experiment found that evidence for sun sign astrology was fair, good, or excellent, students were to explain the scholarly disdain for it. In other words, they had to make the argument against whatever their experiment results were.

In the 1988 exam, students were asked to read "When Prophecy Fails," a short book about a UFO cult known as Clarionites (also Seekers) in the 1950s that had predicted that the end of the world would happen on December 21, 1954. Researchers followed the group to see what would happen when their predicted apocalypse didn't happen.

Sagan asked students to imagine they were part of that research team, but altered the scenario in two ways—adding a new charismatic leader rising up among the Clarionites and some natural disasters occurring on December 21, 1954.

UFO, cult, clarionites, when prophecy fails, end of the world sci-fi ufo GIF Giphy

Then he asked the students to do the following:

- Describe your best estimate of what might have happened as a result of these altered events over the next few years, informed by our readings and class discussions, including the Milgram experiments. [The Milgram experiments tested people's willingness or unwillingness to follow authority when it meant harming other people.]

- Compose a dialogue, taking place 34 years later (i.e.,now) between a believer in Clarionite intervention and a skeptic, making the best case possible for both points of view.

- What lessons, if any, can we draw?

Sagan clarified that there was no correct answer to either of the exam assignments. He simply wanted to see the students' critical thinking in action and for them to show what they'd learned with "coherency and cogency of argument."

carl sagan, astronomy 490, critical thinking, final exam, college course Second page of Astronomy 490 final exam from 1988.Library of Congress

What stands out about these exams is that they ask the students to make arguments on both sides of a controversial topic. After all, critical thinking isn't just about being skeptical or rejecting ideas in the name of science; it's also about being able to understand and construct the arguments someone would make on any side of an issue. If you understand someone's arguments well enough to create them yourself, they become much easier to deconstruct and point out the elements that don't makes sense.

In a time when people have a hard time agreeing on basic facts, conspiracy theories abound, expertise is under attack, and prejudices of all kinds easily cloud people's judgment, perhaps we can take Sagan's final Astronomy 490 goals to heart and work on sharpening our critical thinking skills.

Pop Culture

Airbnb host finds unexpected benefits from not charging guests a cleaning fee

Host Rachel Boice went for a more "honest" approach with her listings—and saw major perks because of it.

@rachelrboice/TikTok

Many frustrated Airbnb customers have complained that the separate cleaning fee is a nuisance.

Airbnb defines its notorious cleaning fee as a “one-time charge” set by the host that helps them arrange anything from carpet shampoo to replenishing supplies to hiring an outside cleaning service—all in the name of ensuring guests have a “clean and tidy space.”

But as many frustrated Airbnb customers will tell you, this feature is viewed as more of a nuisance than a convenience. According to NerdWallet, the general price for a cleaning fee is around $75, but can vary greatly between listings, with some units having cleaning fees that are higher than the nightly rate (all while sometimes still being asked to do certain chores before checking out). And often none of these fees show up in the total price until right before the booking confirmation, leaving many travelers feeling confused and taken advantage of.

However, some hosts are opting to build cleaning fees into the overall price of their listings, mimicking the strategy of traditional hotels.

Rachel Boice runs two Airbnb properties in Georgia with her husband Parker—one being this fancy glass plane tiny house (seen below) that promises a perfect glamping experience.

@rachelrboice Welcome to The Tiny Glass House 🤎 #airbnbfinds #exploregeorgia #travelbucketlist #tinyhouse #glampingnotcamping #atlantageorgia #fyp ♬ Aesthetic - Tollan Kim

Like most Airbnb hosts, the Boice’s listing showed a nightly rate and separate cleaning fee. According to her interview with Insider, the original prices broke down to $89 nightly, and $40 for the cleaning fee.

But after noticing the negative response the separate fee got from potential customers, Rachel told Insider that she began charging a nightly rate that included the cleaning fee, totaling to $129 a night.

It’s a marketing strategy that more and more hosts are attempting in order to generate more bookings (people do love feeling like they’re getting a great deal) but Boice argued that the trend will also become more mainstream since the current Airbnb model “doesn’t feel honest.”

"We stay in Airbnbs a lot. I pretty much always pay a cleaning fee," Boice told Insider. "You're like: 'Why am I paying all of this money? This should just be built in for the cost.'"

Since combining costs, Rachel began noticing another unexpected perk beyond customer satisfaction: guests actually left her property cleaner than before they were charged a cleaning fee. Her hypothesis was that they assumed she would be handling the cleaning herself.

"I guess they're thinking, 'I'm not paying someone to clean this, so I'll leave it clean,'" she said.

This discovery echoes a similar anecdote given by another Airbnb host, who told NerdWallet guests who knew they were paying a cleaning fee would “sometimes leave the place looking like it’s been lived in and uncleaned for months.” So, it appears to be that being more transparent and lumping all fees into one overall price makes for a happier (and more considerate) customer.

These days, it’s hard to not be embittered by deceptive junk fees, which can seem to appear anywhere without warning—surprise overdraft charges, surcharges on credit cards, the never convenience “convenience charge” when purchasing event tickets. Junk fees are so rampant that certain measures are being taken to try to eliminate them outright in favor of more honest business approaches.

Speaking of a more honest approach—as of December 2022, AirBnb began updating its app and website so that guests can see a full price breakdown that shows a nightly rate, a cleaning fee, Airbnb service fee, discounts, and taxes before confirming their booking.

Guests can also activate a toggle function before searching for a destination, so that full prices will appear in search results—avoiding unwanted financial surprises.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

A very angry woman.

A husband filed for divorce from his wife and burned bridges in the process by making incredibly disrespectful remarks to her. This came 10 months after she had their second child (the couple has six, in total). After losing his high-paying job, he turned course and asked her to take him back again. Should she take him back, given his lot in life, or hold firm and say good riddance to bad rubbish?

The situation came to a head when the husband demanded that his wife, who had a 10-month-old baby, stay in the house, instead of taking her child to a dentist appointment. She went anyway, and then the man slept in his game room for two months. He told everyone that he was divorcing his wife and went so far as to contact an attorney.

“He told me I was not the prize. I'm almost 40 and have four kids, three of whom are minors. He said he's the prize, he's in his prime, and makes good money, and any woman would love to be in my shoes and take care of his kids. He even went as far as inviting his baby mother into the house to visit while I was out,” the woman wrote on Reddit.

sad woman, upset woman, woman looking at phone, shocked woman, mad woman A sad woman looking at her phone.via Canva/Photos

Once the man had made his intentions clear, things changed quickly

“Fast forward, he loses his job and telling me to wait to move. He then starts talking nicer to me and acting differently than before,” she wrote. So what was the wife to do, take back the man who said that she was “not the prize” and that he was desirable because he had a high-paying job? Nope. She stood her ground and said he needed to leave. “I told him I was still moving out and going forward with separating because his actions did not align with someone who wanted to be with me,” she wrote.

The woman then asked the commenters if she was right to follow through with what her husband started. The commenters were overwhelmingly on her side. “He said he was done, so let's be done, even if now it's an inconvenience for him,” one of the top commenters wrote. “Sounds like YOU are the prize after all, because he's an unemployed AH who's soon to be unable to rent an apartment because he doesn't have a job. Hope his parents live close by and can take him in.”

confused man, upset man, divorced man, man wearing brown, man with questions, A dejected man.via Canva/Photos


The therapists weigh in

Upworthy spoke with Paige Harley, MA, a conflict expert with over 30 years of experience helping couples and families walk through breakups and divorce. She says the woman shouldn’t feel any guilt for her actions. “Absolutely never a reason to feel guilty about setting boundaries. However, make sure you are clear about what a boundary is and specifically what yours are,” Harley told Upworthy. “It’s hard and you will need to be the ‘bigger person’ but your future self will thank you—as you are setting the tone for what comes next.”

Dr. Najari Jeter, a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship expert, and host of The Coupled Podcast, says there’s nothing wrong with separating, but that’s just the first step. "I would say that this woman is not in the wrong for sticking to the boundary of separation. It clearly reinforces to him that he cannot threaten the safety and stability of the relationship without a consequence,” Dr. Jeter told Upworthy. “The deeper issue is, can she separate herself from his view of reality and their marriage? Just because he says these things to her, it doesn't make them true. She may need to accept that he says these things to himself and others about her, but they aren't true--and that defending herself to him will likely get her nowhere.”

Unfortunately, the woman had to deal with a verbally abusive man who isn’t supportive of her or their combined six children. But what’s great to see is that after her husband tried to knock her down a peg and then leave her, she stood her ground and would not take him back. There’s no doubt that she also felt great support from the 1,300 people who commented on the page, with nearly all of them supporting her decision.

Image via Canva/SDI Productions

Frugal people share their best money-saving grocery shopping tips.

Groceries are more expensive than ever. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Economic Research Service, food prices increased 23.6% from 2020-2024. And the average monthly costs for groceries in an American household of 4 people ranges from $996-1,603.

So saving money on groceries in more lucrative than ever. And frugal shoppers are full of tips, tricks and hacks to keep food costs low.

Looking to cut down on your grocery bill the next time you make a trip? These are 25 of the best money-saving grocery tips from frugal people.

grocery store, grocery, groceries, grocery shopping, grocery trip supermarket groceries GIF by Justin Timberlake Giphy

"Shop your pantry, fridge and freezer 1st. See what meals you can make from what you have on hand. It's fun to be creative. Meal plan using what you have, make a grocery list with what you need. Avoid recipes that need lots of ingredients you don't have on hand. Stick to your list when shopping. Ordering on line helps me from impulse buying at the store. Use the first in, first out method in pantry/fridge to cut down on food waste. Batch cook, soups, stews, casseroles, so you get more than one meal out of cooking. Avoid buying lots of snacks, individually packed items. These are tried and true methods for saving money on food. Like others have posted, shop fliers, sales. May need to use more than one store. I do Aldi weekly, Walmart on line order ever 6 weeks or so. Like anything else, the more you do it, the better at it you get!" - catjknow

"Check ethnic groceries. The Middle Eastern, South Asian, and Hispanic groceries near me have amazing prices on produce and meat, bulk spices and dried beans, etc. Plus a lot of things that are bougie or health foods are really just a normal food from another culture with a bigger price tag." - kaizenkitten

"Frozen vegetables. If you eat meat, be flexible and shop what’s cheap that week. If something’s reduced because it’s older, you can freeze it the day you buy it if you can’t cook it right away." - BanditSpark

"Get something in your stomach before you go. Never shop hungry. You'll tend to buy things you wouldn't normally get or opt for junk/ready to eat foods rather than affordable ingredients." - sassysaba

groceries, grocery, grocery shopping, grocery gif, grocery bill Shop Til You Drop Shopping GIF Giphy

"I use an app called Flipp to shop the sales ads in my area, then plan meals around what I have on hand + sales items. When things like chicken leg quarters, boneless chicken thighs, and beef/pork roasts are on sale, I buy twice what I need and freeze leftovers for an easy midweek meal, like tacos/quesadillas/casserole/pasta." - TN_Lamb888

"Start a 'Price Book' spreadsheet. Make a tab for every item you regularly purchase. Log the store, brand, price, weight, and price per unit. Start by logging the regular price of those items and then research every week and log what the sales are on those items. Eventually you learn what is an actual good sale, what is not actually a sale, and how often these things go on sale, so that you can buy in bulk at the best price. You also learn what stores consistently have the best price on your item, so you can plan a trip to go to that store when you are already close to it (example: if you don’t have a Costco or Sam’s Club where you live, you plan on going as part of an out of town trip when you are already traveling). The trick is to stick to buying the items that are really the best price and to not overbuy amounts that you won’t be able to use before they expire (though if you did you could always donate to a local shelter or food bank). I admit, it is tedious but it’s also interesting." - Victoriafoxx

"We eat way more plant protein than animal protein now. We aren’t trying to be vegetarian. But beans and lentils are so much cheaper than meat." - FoxUsual745

beans, eating beans, beans gif, bean can, can of beans Kristen Wiig Vegan GIF Giphy

"Also, reframing your mind to envision meat as a condiment instead of the centerpiece of the meal is super helpful for traditional meat & potato people. My guys love a good slab of steak and mashed potatoes, but are also just as satisfied with a baked potato loaded with hearty bean lentil corn chili, with 1/4 of a good steak roughly chopped and sprinkled on top. One steak for a 3person family, plus enough for someone to have it for lunch tomorrow, is much more doable than 3 steaks for a single meal." - Jena_TheFatGirl

"I volunteer for a stop food waste organization. I eat mostly organic whole-foods and haven't bought groceries since 2020 because I get to fill a shopping basket free in exchange for a 2–3 hour shift. That's my best hack. Second best is dumpster diving, which may or may not be legal in your area." - LittleEdithBeale

"Check and see if you have any salvage grocery stores in your area! They’re not super common everywhere but they have a wide range of food, even high quality stuff, at very reduced prices because the items are damaged or past their expiration date." - DS30y

"Buy in season. Look for end-of-day sales at the farmers markets. Make nutrient-dense food." - DaysOfParadise

"Read your grocery store’s circular, clip coupons from their app, and if they have a rewards program use it. With one of the stores near me, I can get a free 12 dozen eggs by redeeming 200 reward points." - muad_dibs

My Big Fat Fabulous Life Breakfast GIF by TLC Giphy

"I use a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) for purchasing vegetables. Not sure if CSAs everywhere are cheaper, but it is for me. There's a website called localharvest.org that has a CSA locator. I cook seasonally based on what my CSA has available. In May and early June it was a lot of salads, right now we're getting a lot of things like bok choy, broccolini, and carrots, so we're eating stir fry dishes or chicken with a side of sauteed or roasted vegetables. I quick pickle as much as I can from our weekly order to make things last (For example, we got a TON of chard at one point, and I pickled the stems with siracha. We've been using the pickles as a relish for tacos and sandwiches.). I also am in a small household, so I don't like buying anything perishable in bulk. We do have a chest freezer, so I buy meat in bulk at Costco. I also get things like cooking oils, vinegar, rice, and seasonings there. I try to keep us stocked up on anything we might need to supplement our veggie order for the week." - OK_Computer_152

"If grocery stores near you have an app, use it! On the Safeway app at least there's a lot of good coupons and deals that are only served in-app - I often pre-plan my shopping by plugging everything into the Safeway app and then comparing to other stores and that's how decide where I'm shopping that week." - sadhoursthrowaway409

"I use Instacart to make my shopping lists. I don’t use it to deliver groceries. It shows me what’s in the store and what’s not available. I can put together meals in advance and the BEST PART is that you can stay within your budget because it shows you your total as you add to the cart. It’s been a huge help these last few years for me to stay on budget. The app is also free." - jpp3252