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You know how girls' clothing is often stereotyped? Well, so is boys'. These moms were tired of it.

"You know what? My son can like what he likes, gender norms be damned!"

You've probably seen some of the viral videos and photos about parents who are taking a stand and sending this message to the world.

Like the dad whose son asked for a Disney Little Mermaid doll and who enthusiastically exclaimed, "YEAH! That's how I feel. I let my boys choose their life," in answer to his own question, "Now how do you think a dad feels when his son wants to get THIS?"

Or the dad who made a children's custom kitchen out of an old piece of furniturefor his son's 2nd birthday and shared it online ... only to be attacked by insecure angry trolls who told him he was going to turn his son gay. (Side note: What even?!)

That dad was having none of it, responding in part, "He always wants to watch us cook and likes being involved, so we thought this would be a good idea. Furthermore, if my kid wanted a barbie doll I would get it for him. If that is what he wants, then that is what he wants. It's his decision what he wants to play with. Not mine." (Can I get an amen?)

These dads aren't the only ones fed up with the way that ridiculous gender expectations are hurting boys. Parents everywhere are taking a stand.

Three women who own clothing companies for kids recently got together to fill a rather gaping hole in the clothing market.

Courtney Hartman of Free to Be Kids and Jessy & Jack, Jo Hadley of Handsome in Pink, and Martine Zoer of Quirkie Kids are moms and small business owners who were tired of the limitations on the boys' clothes you find in most stores. So they got together to promote clothing options that are pink and purple, show animals traditionally geared toward girls (think kittens and butterflies), and include words like "love" emblazoned on them.

And they're awesome.

Options like this:

Quirkie Kids.

And this:

Free To Be Kids. Photo credit: Liz Donovan Photography.

And this:

Quirkie Kids.

I spoke to the masterminds behind the clothing lines to find out what motivated them to tackle this project.

Hartman, Hadley, and Zoer aren't strangers to teaming up. They were among the nine women behind the #clotheswithoutlimits movement created to give girls more clothing options.

Now, the three are hoping to do the same for boys. At first, you might think that's unnecessary. I mean, girls often shop from the boys' section because there are more options.

But think about it: When boys show interest in things stereotypically considered "girly," they're often labeled as gay. That's ridiculous because clothes or, you know, an interest in kitchens doesn't determine a kid's orientation. (And do I even have to say it? OK, I'll say it: It doesn't matter if they're gay.)

Wouldn't it be great if boys weren't limited to stereotypically "boy" clothes?

Handsome in Pink. Photo credit: Jo Rainbow Photography.

"We think it's time … boys should also be able to like kittens and be proud to be kind and loving and they should also be able to like pink," Hartman told me. "They're just exploring being boys and all the things there are to like!"

Free To Be Kids. Photo credit: Liz Donovan Photography.

Zoer wants our generation of boys to like whatever they want to like — not what they're made to feel they should like. They can "love sports, love pink, love climbing trees…" she said. "Whatever it is that they love to do, it doesn't need to define them."

Jessy & Jack. Photo credit: Happy Genes Photography.

Sure, we've come some way in tackling gender norms, but we still have a long way to go. Hadley talked about a recent Lego magazine her son received.

"On the back cover of the magazine were the words 'Charge into Battle 2016'" she said. "And it's this image of all of these Lego figures covered in armor with aggressive faces... and they're fighting and there are big long swords and fire."

Meanwhile, she described an insert for the Lego Friends — the ones marketed toward girls:

"There are six sexualized girls with big eyes and short dresses. They all have their arms around each other, having their pictures taken. The comic inside is about a big slumber party they're going to have and it's all lovey dovey. They're not even talking about anything."

Her conclusion? "Our kids are are just so imbued in this extreme division of battle versus soft, sexualized friendships. They're both wrong," she said. "They're two extremes and things need to come more toward the center — more access to everything!"

Hadley's point is strong — and it carries over to clothing, too.

Free To Be Kids. Photo Credit: Monte Attard.

Why can't boys' clothes project kindness the way girls' do?

Hartman explained: "One of the things I enjoyed for my line is designing a shirt with the word 'love' on it. Love is on tons of girls' clothes, but not on boys'. How is love a girl thing?"

The message is that boys are aggressive. But why can't they be kind?

"There's an overarching message of aggression [with boys]. The words are always 'troublemaker' and 'eat my dust' — competitive — but they are not kind and not soft in any way. It's sad that we're expecting boys to have this hard facade."

Free to Be Kids. Photo credit: Kerra Vaughan.

Jessy & Jack. Photo credit: Ericka Lowe.

At the end of the day, these expectations harm kids — no matter what gender.

People have been pushing back against the expectations we have for girls for a while now, which is amazing and so important. We need to keep doing it because we're making progress. But it's a little more recent that folks have started to take a stand against silly expectations for our sons.

It's time we did, because our sons deserve to be who they are and like what they like. And those very same expectations are hurting our daughters, too.

"If you give kids free reign, they'll like what they like," Hartman said.

I couldn't agree more. Here's to letting our kids like what they like!

Family

A 6-year-old designed a custom t-shirt for his first day of school and it's seriously the best

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.

Unfading adornments

When 6-year-old Blake Rajahn shows up to his first grade classroom on Monday, he will arrive bearing an uplifting a message for his fellow students.

Blake's mother, Nikki Rajahn, runs a custom personalization business in Fayette County, Georgia, and she asked her son what kind of t-shirt he wanted for his first day of school. He could have chosen anything—his favorite sports star's number, a cool dragon, a witty saying—anything he wanted, she could make.

Blake chose something unexpected—an orange t-shirt with a simple, sweet message for the other kids at his school to see. Five little words that might just mean the world to someone who reads them.

"I will be your friend."

Ouch. My heart.

Rajahn shared the story on her business Facebook page:

"I have to brag on my son. I told him that as a back to school gift, I will make him any shirt he would like. It could have anything—a basketball theme, football, etc. which are all his favorites. He thought a while and said, 'will you please make me a shirt that says "I will be your friend" for all the kids who need a friend to know that I am here for them?' Never underestimate your kid's heart for others! I love my sweet Blake! #stopbullying"







Apparently, such a gesture is typical of Blake. "He has always had a heart for others and is very genuine," his mother told Upworthy. She said she's donating part of the proceeds of her t-shirt sales to the Real Life Center, a non-profit that helps families in need in Tyrone, Georgia, all because of Blake.

"During the summer we had a vacation Bible school that he went to," she said, "and they did a toothbrush and toothpaste drive for the Real Life Center. He came home saying we needed to go to the Dollar Store to get some that night. We told him we would go the next day, but he had to use his money for it. He said that was fine, so we asked how much he would like to spend. He said, 'It's for people who don't have any, right?' We said yes, so he very matter-of-fact said, 'Well all of it!' And he did!"

Rajahn said everyone has been very encouraging and people are starting to order their own version of the t-shirt with "#blakesfriends" added to it.

She also shared Blake's reaction to hearing that his shirt idea was starting to spread on Facebook—and again, it's just the sweetest darn thing.

"Ever since I posted about my son and his shirt, I have sold some and told Blake about it. He said, "Oh good! Now more and more people are going to have more and more friends!" He is just so flattered so many want to be his twin too 😊"

Sometimes all a person needs is one friend so they won't feel alone, and Blake going out of his way to make sure kids feel welcomed by him is an example even adults can learn from. If we all reached out to people who might be shy or who might feel excluded, and let them know in some small way that we are open to being friends, what a better world we could build.

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.


This article originally appeared on 8.2.19

bullying
Family

Daughter explains brutal obituary she wrote for her father about his ‘bad parenting'

"Everything I was going to write was going to be a lie. He hated a liar..."

Photo by John Thomas on Unsplash

The last resting place for father Leslie Ray Charping.

Everyone is entitled to a few nice words at their funeral, as the adage goes. Normally, this is a non-issue. Flaws can be ignored or overlooked for the sake of harmony and a peaceful, optimistic send-off.

But what if the flaws created too much damage and heartache to go without saying?

Sheila Smith made headlines last week with an obituary that was as honest in what can only be described as a brutal sense. Brutal for the departed, her father Leslie Ray Charping, and brutal for the family that had to endure his life and death.

Here's the obituary in its entirety, taken from the website of Carnes Funeral Home:

Leslie Ray "Popeye" Charping was born in Galveston, Texas on November 20, 1942 and passed away January 30, 2017, which was 29 years longer than expected and much longer than he deserved. Leslie battled with cancer in his latter years and lost his battle, ultimately due to being the horses ass he was known for. He leaves behind 2 relieved children; a son Leslie Roy Charping and daughter, Shiela Smith along with six grandchildren and countless other victims including an ex wife, relatives, friends, neighbors, doctors, nurses and random strangers.

At a young age, Leslie quickly became a model example of bad parenting combined with mental illness and a complete commitment to drinking, drugs, womanizing and being generally offensive. Leslie enlisted to serve in the Navy, but not so much in a brave & patriotic way but more as part of a plea deal to escape sentencing on criminal charges. While enlisted, Leslie was the Navy boxing champion and went on to sufficiently embarrass his family and country by spending the remainder of his service in the Balboa Mental Health Hospital receiving much needed mental healthcare services.

Leslie was surprisingly intelligent, however he lacked ambition and motivation to do anything more than being reckless, wasteful, squandering the family savings and fantasizing about get rich quick schemes. Leslie's hobbies included being abusive to his family, expediting trips to heaven for the beloved family pets and fishing, which he was less skilled with than the previously mentioned. Leslie's life served no other obvious purpose, he did not contribute to society or serve his community and he possessed no redeeming qualities besides quick whited sarcasm which was amusing during his sober days.

With Leslie's passing he will be missed only for what he never did; being a loving husband, father and good friend. No services will be held, there will be no prayers for eternal peace and no apologizes to the family he tortured. Leslie's remains will be cremated and kept in the barn until "Ray", the family donkey's wood shavings run out. Leslie's passing proves that evil does in fact die and hopefully marks a time of healing and safety for all.

The obituary walks a fine line between uncloaked honesty and mean-spiritedness, repeatedly falling on either side. If this obituary is to be believed (no person or account has publicly questioned or denounced this characterization), his family has a right to be both angry for his life and happy for his death. However, the controversy surrounding this obituary isn't the survivors' feelings, but their expression of them.

Sheila, speaking to The Michael Berry Show, a radio program, stood by the obituary she wrote, claiming it was an effort to heal, forget, and minimize the residual impact his death would have on their lives. To realize this, and to fulfill her late father's wishes, the obituary needed to be honest. She said to the show's host, " A week after he passed I sat down and began working on it. I was somewhat blocked and everything I was going to write was going to be a lie," she said. "He hated a liar and he would appreciate this.”

Speaking earlier to KTRK, Sheila said that those who are bothered by this or the notion of speaking ill of the dead, are fortunate to not understand. "I am happy for those that simply do not understand, this means you had good parent(s) -- please treasure what you have.”

She continued to say that whitewashing transgressions that are so endemic and undiscussed in the world, such as her father's issues with domestic violence and alcoholism, serves no greater good.

She concluded, "I apologize to anyone that my father hurt and I felt it would have been offensive to portray him as anything other than who he was," she also said. "This obituary was intended to help bring closure because not talking about domestic violence doesn't make it go away!"


This article originally appeared on 05.22.19


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Hospice nurse shares clue she uses to know if someone is dying 6 months before it happens

"Allow the body to be the guide."

via Sabinevanerp/Pixabay

An old woman holding a cane.

Death is the last great mystery that all of us face. We don’t know when we will go or can really be sure what comes next. So there’s understandably a lot of fear and uncertainty that most of us feel around death, whether we’re thinking about ourselves or a loved one.

That’s why Julie McFadden's work is so important. As a palliative care nurse in the Los Angeles area, who has seen over a hundred people die, her TikTok videos shed light on the process to make us all a bit more comfortable with the inevitable.

McFadden is also the author of the bestseller, “Nothing to Fear.”

The nurse’s experience helping people in their final stages has given her a unique perspective on the process. In a recent video, she shared how she can see the first symptoms that someone is going to die a natural death about 6 months before they finally do.

Interestingly, she can determine that someone only has half a year left to live when most of us have no idea they have entered the final stages of life.

@hospicenursejulie

Replying to @Mariah educating yourself about scary topics will help decrease fear. ✨Nothing to Fear ✨- my book- out june 11th #hospicenursejulie #hospicenurse #caregiversoftiktok #medicaltiktok #learnontiktok #nothingtofearbook

What are the symptoms of dying at the 6-month mark?

McFadden adds that people who are dying are usually placed in hospice care when the symptoms begin to appear around the 6-month mark.

"You will have very generalized symptoms. Those symptoms will usually be, one, you will be less social. So you'll be more introverted than extroverted," McFadden said. "Two, you will be sleeping a lot more. And three, you will be eating and drinking a lot less. Literally, everyone on hospice, I see this happen to."

heaven, clouds, ray of lightA Ray of light over a mountain. via PIxbay/Pexels



What are the symptoms of dying at the 3-month mark?

You are going to notice more debility,” McFadden continues. “They will be staying in their house most of the time. It's going to be difficult getting up and just going to the bathroom. Again, sleeping a lot more and eating and drinking a lot less.”

What are the symptoms of dying at the 1-month mark?

Something usually begins to happen in the final month of someone’s life. They start to believe they are in contact with others they have lost. It’s like they are there to make the dying person feel comfortable with their final transition.

"Usually around the one month mark is when people will start seeing 'the unseen', they have the visioning. They'll be seeing dead relatives, dead loved ones, dead pets, old friends who have died,” McFadden said. “Again, not everyone — but many, many people will start seeing these things at around one month."

heaven, death, trumpetAn angel with a trumpet.via PixaBay/Pexels

Angela Morrow, a registered nurse at Verywell Health, agrees that people in the final stage of life often hear from those who have passed before them. Morrow says we should refrain from correcting the patients when they share their stories of talking to people and pets who have died. "You might feel frustrated because you can't know for sure whether they're hallucinating, having a spiritual experience, or just getting confused. The uncertainty can be unsettling, but it's part of the process," Morrow writes.

At the end of the video, McFadden says that the most important factors palliative care nurses look at to determine the stage of death are eating, drinking and sleeping. “Most people, a few weeks out from death, will be sleeping more than they are awake. And they will be barely eating and barely drinking,” McFadden said.

i.giphy.com

In the end, hospice nurses “allow the body to be the guide” as they help their patients transition from life to death.

McFadden’s work has brought a lot of peace to her followers as they go through trying times. "My mom is in hospice right now and she’s currently, I think, hours or days from death. YourTikToks have helped me out tremendously," Deb wrote. "My grandma passed away in February, and she experienced all of this. this page brings me peace knowing everything she went through was natural," Jaida added.

"Thanks, Julie. I volunteer in a hospice end-of-life facility, and this helps educate the families. Your posts are wonderful," Grandma Nita wrote.

One of the things that makes death so scary is the number of unknowns surrounding the process. That’s why it’s so important that McFadden shares her stories of helping people to the next side. She shows that death is a natural process and that hospice nurses are here to help make the transition as peaceful as possible.

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Education

A dad's hilarious letter to school asks them to explain why they're living in 1968

"I look forward to this being rectified and my daughter and other girls at the school being returned to this millennium."

Earlier in the week, Stephen Callaghan's daughter Ruby came home from school. When he asked her how her day was, her answer made him raise an eyebrow.

Ruby, who's in the sixth grade at her school in Australia, told her dad that the boys would soon be taken on a field trip to Bunnings (a hardware chain in the area) to learn about construction.

The girls, on the other hand? While the boys were out learning, they would be sent to the library to have their hair and makeup done.

Ruby's reply made Callaghan do a double take. What year was it, again?

Callaghan decided to write a letter to the school sharing his disappointment — but his wasn't your typical "outraged parent" letter.


"Dear Principal," he began. "I must draw your attention to a serious incident which occurred yesterday at your school where my daughter is a Year 6 student."

"When Ruby left for school yesterday it was 2017," Callaghan continued. "But when she returned home in the afternoon she was from 1968."

The letter goes on to suggest that perhaps the school is harboring secret time-travel technology or perhaps has fallen victim to a rift in the "space-time continuum," keeping his daughter in an era where women were relegated to domestic life by default.

"I look forward to this being rectified and my daughter and other girls at the school being returned to this millennium where school activities are not sharply divided along gender lines," he concluded.



Dear Principal
I must draw your attention to a serious incident which occurred yesterday at your school where my daughter Ruby is a Year 6 student.
When Ruby left for school yesterday it was 2017 but when she returned home in the afternoon she was from 1968.
I know this to be the case as Ruby informed me that the "girls" in Year 6 would be attending the school library to get their hair and make-up done on Monday afternoon while the "boys" are going to Bunnings.
Are you able to search the school buildings for a rip in the space-time continuum? Perhaps there is a faulty Flux Capacitor hidden away in the girls toilet block.
I look forward to this being rectified and my daughter and other girls at the school being returned to this millennium where school activities are not sharply divided along gender lines.
Yours respectfully
Stephen Callaghan

When Callaghan posted the letter to Twitter, it quickly went viral and inspired hundreds of supportive responses.

Though most people who saw his response to the school's egregiously outdated activities applauded him, not everyone was on board.

One commenter wrote, "Sometimes it is just ok for girls to do girl things."

But Callaghan was ready for that. "Never said it wasn't," he replied. "But you've missed the point. Why 'girl things' or 'boy things'... Why not just 'things anyone can do?'"

He later commented that he didn't think the school's plan was malicious, but noted the incident was a powerful example of "everyday sexism" at work.

Callaghan says the school hasn't responded to his letter. (Yes, he really sent it.) At least, not directly to him.

Some media outlets have reported that the school claims students are free to opt in and out of the different activities. But, as Callaghan says, gendering activities like this in the first place sends the completely wrong message.

In response to the outpouring of support, Callaghan again took to Twitter.

"At 12 years of age my daughter is starting to notice there are plenty of people prepared to tell her what she can and can't do based solely on the fact she is female," he wrote.

"She would like this to change. So would I."


This article originally appeared on 12.08.17.

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A police officer makes a profound statement after pulling over a Black teen

The teen’s emotional response hit him like a punch to the gut.


“Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value."

In October 2016, that was a quote from Albert Einstein that sat atop the Facebook page of Tim McMillan, a police officer in Georgia.

McMillan become a sensation after a post he wrote on his Facebook wall went viral in 2016. In his post, he explains how he pulled over a Black teen for texting while driving:


“I pulled a car over last night for texting and driving. When I went to talk to the driver, I found a young black male, who was looking at me like he was absolutely terrified with his hands up. He said, 'What do you want me to do officer?' His voice was quivering. He was genuinely scared," McMillan wrote.

Police officer Facebook post

Officer Tim McMillan talks about pulling over a Black teen

Image via Facebook

But McMillan said he wasn't interested in harassing or arresting the young man, let alone inflicting violence upon him. Nonetheless, the teen's emotional response hit McMillan like a punch to the gut.

“I just looked at him for a moment, because what I was seeing made me sad. I said, 'I just don't want you to get hurt.' In which he replied, with his voice still shaking, 'Do you want me to get out of the car.' I said, 'No, I don't want you to text and drive. I don't want you to get in a wreck. I want your mom to always have her baby boy. I want you to grow up and be somebody. I don't even want to write you a ticket. Just please pay attention, and put the phone down. I just don't want you to get hurt,'" he wrote.

McMillan said the interaction made him reflect on a deeply personal level about the national attention being paid to acts of police violence against Black Americans, particularly young Black men.

“I truly don't even care who's fault it is that young man was so scared to have a police officer at his window. Blame the media, blame bad cops, blame protestors, or Colin Kaepernick if you want. It doesn't matter to me who's to blame. I just wish somebody would fix it."

This story originally appeared on GOOD.


This article originally appeared on 08.31.18

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