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Pop Culture

Adults who lived through the 80s share what pop culture gets wrong about the time period

"Pop culture acts like the '80s were just a sea of nothing but neon for 10 years."

80s, 80s in pop culture, 80s movies, ask reddit, 80s fashion
Representative Image from Canva

Okay, but everyone DID have big hair. Right?

Judging by Gen Z’s Y2K-inspired fashion trends, you’d think the 2000s were nothing but people walking around the mall in pleated miniskirts and bucket hats. We can mostly chalk this up to the depiction of the era in movies like “Clueless” and “13 Going on 30.” Anyone born before the 90s can tell you that life was definitely not like that. But hey, sometimes fantasy is more fun.

Same goes for other time periods as well. For those of us without a degree in history, much of how we picture other eras is influenced by pop culture. Like how we think of Victorian women being obsessed with waist cinching thanks to almost every Hollywood movie showing a woman getting bound by an excruciating tight corset. Yep, that was previously debunked.


And sure, some movies and TV series, like “Mad Men” or “Schindler’s List,” make painstaking efforts to achieve historical accuracy. But often, they are works of fiction, and creative liberties are taken. And those liberties create the world for those who did not live in it.

That can even be said of the 80s, rife with Cold War threats and colorful leggings. Or…was it?

Recently, user Jerswar asked Reddit: "People who were adults in the 1980s: What does pop culture tend to leave out?"

Here are the raddest, gnarliest, most tubular response people gave.

1."The insane amounts of smoking inside. Especially in restaurants."

"When I worked in a restaurant, the smokers (backroom dishwashers/cooks) got more chances to sit around and take breaks to smoke. Then, when I got an office job, people had ashtrays at their desks. Often, the ashtrays were hand-made by a young relative in an elementary school class."

2." Anything we wore that wasn't neon. Pop culture acts like the '80s were just a sea of nothing but neon for 10 years."

via GIPHY

“And as if every girl and woman was dressed up in tulle tutus with off-the-shoulder lace shirts and a giant bow tied atop our heads.Not all of us were lucky enough to have our parents buy us new outfits like that. My wardrobe was full of old hand-me-downs. No neon, lace or tulle in the bunch."

"I graduated high school in 1984, and never dressed like Madonna or wore neon anything. We were poor, so it was crappy jeans that never got soft and T-shirts until I got a job. Even after that, I wore cords and overalls and sweaters from Chess King."

3. "How much decor from the '70s and '60s were still in houses and offices throughout the decade."

"This is something that I thought 'Stranger Things' REALLY got right. All the kids' houses look like they were built and decorated in the 1960s–'70s, which is how it really was. Nobody was living in fancy candy-colored Memphis-style apartments except California yuppies."

4. "I was born in the early '80s. I've been totally blind since birth. In the '80s, accessibility was virtually non-existent.That new Nintendo that the kids had? Good luck. Scholastic Book Club? Not in braille or audio. Everything is in print. Nothing to see here for me or mine. Then computers finally got accessible and Windows came out and they had to start all over again. I wouldn't want to go back to the '80s. I now have my phone that I can use to access the world, read what is on my grocery labels, have pictures described to me, and basically know what's going on in the world. In the '80s, so much went by without any context, and that was in the formative years of my childhood."

nintendo, 80s nintendo, braille

We've come a long way when it comes to accessibility.

Representative Image from Canva

5. "Reading everything — literally everything — I could get my hands on. Cereal boxes, newspapers, magazines. Luckily, my library was a bike ride away but carrying those back on my bike was fun."

"OMG, you are so right. That reminds me of things I hadn't thought about in ages.I used to feel so very bored that I'd read anything that had text on it, from cans of food to cereal boxes to whatever books (however insipid) I could lay my hands on. Even the obituary notices in the newspaper were worth a read. The internet really did away with the boredom, didn't it?!"

Speaking of reading…

6. "Trying to find something to read in the bathroom to pass the time. I remember shampoo bottles and the contents of my wallet were my go-to's when a magazine or book was unavailable." "Yes! Shampoo bottles for desperate moments of boredom."


7. "Might be my own bias but being a kid in the '80s there was a lot of casual bullying and conformism. Not that bullying and conformism ever went away, but the '90s was more about counter-culture a bit."

8. "I was a child in the '80s, but something that I don't think I've ever seen in modern pop culture retellings of '80s life, which I recall witnessing, is this: people think of the weird, wacky, fun colors and hair, etc., of the 1980s — like Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Boy George styles. BUT for many people and mainstream communities, that was considered a 'weird' or 'rock and roll character' kind of presentation. People would often openly stare, laugh at, or disparage people who looked openly unique. It took a lot of courage to go out styled like that. It was acceptable to have a more 'subtle' take on the fun color trends."

via GIPHY

"I believe the best real-time representation/evidence of this is in Cyndi Lauper's 'Time After Time' music video, there’s a scene where she sits down in a diner with her boyfriend and his friends. She pulls off her cap to reveal her new hairstyle - half-shaved and dyed bright colors. Her boyfriend's friends start hysterically laughing, the boyfriend is quietly embarrassed, and she runs out of the diner in tears."

9. "TV was just adult shows for most of the week, especially during summer break. Just soap operas and other boring things." "Staying home sick from school and all there was to watch were game shows and soap operas until the Gilligan's Island reruns came on."

10. "The sheer sense of doom and pervasive low-key terror of nuclear war. The Soviets' nuclear arsenal pointing at us, and their nihilistic posturing in some ways remind me of the climate change dread we now have. Living with an existential threat is not something new."

"This is so completely underestimated or misunderstood. All through high school, I was convinced that the world would just end one day, and I'd have to figure out how to survive in a post-apocalyptic world afterwards. Yeah, we thought that people would survive an all-out nuclear war."

11. "The homophobia."

"It was casual, rampant, and virtually unquestioned. If you were gay or lesbian, and not living in a major city like New York or San Francisco, you were probably in the closet, at least to everyone but some close friends and (maybe) family. If you were trans, forget about it. Enjoy your life of dysphoria and misery. You don't really see that depicted so much in pop culture now."

"AIDS and '80s homophobia went hand in hand, and it's hard to overstate how much AIDS destroyed the gay community and how the dominant culture thought that was a good thing."

12. "Being a latchkey kid it was no frequent communication with your parents. I can't tell you how many times I stayed out all night as an 18-year-old and no one but who I was with knew where I was or what I was doing. My parents didn't know what I was doing all day as a 12–17-year-old, either! You only called your parents at work only if it was an emergency."

"Yes. It's almost like a 'parents didn't care' attitude that would be ascribed to that behavior now (but that wasn't right). Ma needed to work and that she didn't get home until 7 p.m. was just a reality. Oftentimes, she was gone when I got up and we had zero communication until she got home. I was just responsible for the whole shpiel of keeping myself alive."

13.The obsession people/media had about the '50s and '60s.”

via GIPHY

“Part of it was stuff like 'Back to the Future,' '50s-themed diners and baseball jackets being popular, then there was the 20th anniversary of things, like various Beatles albums. I think the boomers at that point were in positions of influence and were looking back on their teens and twenties with rose-tinted glasses, so the rest of us had to suffer these cultural echoes from the generation before."

14."Cruising. Before social media, we would drive up and down the street, see and be seen. Stop at different businesses, the cool kids hung out at the Walgreens parking lot, the jocks at the McDonald's. But it was a small town so we would stop at all of them during the evening. That was our social world along with keggers in the desert all through high school and for folks that stayed in town for years after high school.

"It was like a social network but with your car."

And lastly…

15. "What a mess it was to get cleaned up!”

via GIPHY

“That sparkle-blue eye shadow didn't come off easily and if it got in your eyes it was torture! That red lip gloss ran all over. And shampooing your hair three times to get out all the hairspray and the mousse. I loved the '80s and I had a marvelous time. But it was messy... but way worth it!"


This article originally appeared in April.

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Images of Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweger via Wikicommons

Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweger



love actually GIFGiphy

  1. Hugh Grant does not hold back when it comes to his opinions on anything. But in one unfortunate interview he did for Elle Magazine back in 2009, he dished on most of his female co-stars, and it wasn't pretty. He described Emma Thompson as "clever, funny, mad as a chair." Of Sandra Bullock, he said, "a genius, a German, too many dogs." He later commented that Julia Roberts' mouth was so big, he "was aware of a faint echo" when they kissed onscreen. And while Julianne Moore, Rachel Weisz, and Drew Barrymore were all described as clever, stunning, or beautiful, the consensus was that they all "loathed him."

But it was his Bridget Jones's Diary co-star Renée Zellweger with whom he seemed to have the softest spot. Even when revisiting the matter on The Graham Norton Show in 2016, Hugh agreed with his original assessment that she's "delightful. Also far from sane. Very good kisser."

When pressed, Hugh jokingly said, "She is genuinely lovely, but her emails are 48 pages long. Can't understand a word of them."

Now, nine years later, Renée is returning to her Bridget Jones character, and the two reunite for a piece called "Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy" for British VogueBritish Vogue. After Hugh writes an intro to the piece, where he reveals he used to have tons of questions between on-set shots for Renée—questions like "If you had to marry one of today's extras, who would it be?" and "Who is a better kisser, me or Colin Firth?" He now has a whole new slew of questions. Here are a few key things we find out:


Sad Renee Zellweger GIF by Working TitleGiphy

What did Hugh always think of Renée?

He says candidly (of course), "With a lot of other actors, you think they're really great, and then suddenly you see a little glint of steely, scary ambition, and you realize this person would trample their grandmother to get what they want in this business. But I've never seen that glint coming off you. So either it's very well disguised, or you are quite nice."

What does Renée really think of Hugh?

You're hilariously brilliant at everything you hate. And, though you hate humans, you're a very good and loyal friend. I like you very much. And I love working with you."

Love Actually Dancing GIF by PeacockTVGiphy


What did Hugh really think of her English accent?

Queen Elizabeth GIFGiphy

After discussing Renée's dialect coach, Hugh tells her that her attempt at an English accent is…"perfect."

Why does the Bridget Jones franchise remain so appealing?


Renee Zellweger Romance GIF by Bridget JonesGiphy

Hugh says, "In a nutshell, I say it's an antidote to Instagram. Instagram is telling people, especially women, 'Your life's not good enough.' It's not as good as this woman's or that woman's, making you insecure. Whereas what Helen (the writer) did with Bridget is celebrate failures, while making it funny and joyful."

Renée makes some jokes and then says, "I think maybe folks recognize themselves in her and relate to her feelings of self-doubt. Bridget is authentically herself and doesn't always get it right, but whatever her imperfections, she remains joyful and optimistic, carries on, and triumphs in her own way."

What does Hugh think of Renée's fashion?


Drunk Bridget Jones GIF by Working TitleGiphy

After asking if people in general should be a "bit more stylish," Hugh tells Renée she's "very chic." Renée pushes back with, "I'm wearing a tracksuit." To which Hugh retorts, "Yeah, but a sort of PRICEY one."

And finally, those emails:

"You have sent me the longest emails I've ever received. I can't understand a single word of them. They're written in some curious language that I can't really understand."

"No!" Renée exclaims. "If you reference something in your emails that makes me laugh…I will circle back to that. And if you've forgotten that you wrote it, I don't think I should be held accountable for that!"

abigaellanai/Instagram

This is truly a gamechanger.

Date nights are important for any couple with kids. But they can be hard to come by if you don't have lots of family nearby or have infinite money for, and access to, trustworthy babysitters. Enter the babysitting swap! It's a popular concept where couples with kids will take turns "swapping" babysitting duties with other couples they know so each can enjoy the occasional date night.

My wife and I have done this with friends, and it's great! It's free and it gives your kids a chance to play with their friends. But it does come with a few logistical challenges. Like the fact that two sets of children from different families will have different bedtime routines and needs. It can also be a lot of work for the babysitting couple to take care of twice the number of children, and then to have to navigate the different nighttime needs of both sets of kids all on their own.

Mom Abigael Lanai thinks she's 'cracked the code' behind the perfect babysitting swap.

As she explains in an Instagram reel, here's how it differs from your usual swap:

First, it starts later. In this version, the babysitting couple shows up for duty after the parents have already put their own kids to bed in their own rooms. So it means date night has a delayed start, but the kids get their own bedtime with their own parents which (hopefully) goes off without a hitch. And the babysitting couple just has to act as "warm bodies" in case of emergency—so, in most cases, they won't have to do much work.

You might be thinking, it only takes one person to be a warm body! And where are the other kids during all this? Now this is the twist! In Abigael's example, she goes over to her friend's house to "warmbodysit" by herself while her husband stays home and puts their kids to bed. Now, Abigael can relax on her own and watch Netflix or read on the couch, while her husband can enjoy a night to himself at home playing video games or whatever husbands like to do. And all the while, the other couple is out on a date.

“He’s getting a night to himself to play video games ... they’re on a date ... I am chilling on their couch, I’m going to watch their Netflix, I get a night off from doing my kid’s bedtime routine and watch whatever trash reality TV that I want," Abigael says. "It’s a win for everybody.”

Actually this is pretty much what Michael Scott would call a win-win-win.


gif of Michael Scott air-drummingthe office drum GIFGiphy

You can watch Abigael's full explanation here:

People had a lot of opinions on Abigael's secret recipe for more date nights and nights off. Most loved the idea.

Abigael's video went viral on Instagram to the tune of over 100,000 Likes and 2.5 million views. Her advice was a huge hit with moms who are desperate for more relaxing time in their lives.

"This is the 'village' I wish I had," one user wrote.

"As a mom who doesn’t really do well with other people’s kids, this would be a great option for me. I like the idea of not actually having to babysit, but just being the responsible adult in case of emergencies. I can do that," another said.

Commenters also had a few misconceptions about the method. The first being "This isn't a night off if you're taking care of other people's kids." But remember, the idea of warmbodysitting is that you won't have to do anything unless there's an emergency or the kids wake up! They're already asleep when you show up and, most of the time, moms like Abigael who warmbodysit for friends just hang out and watch TV. Sounds like a night off to me.

The second misconception was that the dads are getting off too easy in this arrangement. "He just gets to play video games while you do all the work?!" Don't forget that if dad stays back at home, he's putting his own kids down and doing bedtime at the house solo. So he's putting in plenty of work before he gets to relax.

gif of babysitter telling child, "By the way, you're actually my favorite kid I babysit for." Kid Babysitter GIF by HalloweenGiphy

Others brought up a more-than-fair point: Communities of friends and families helping to care for each other's kids shouldn't be unusual or even interesting. It should be the norm, and in some communities, it already is.

"This truly shows how little community at large is valued in mainstream (read: white) culture because this is a pretty reasonable and normal thing I have always seen done in my various communities. It’s sad that it’s ‘revolutionary’," a user wrote.

Now, this approach won't work for everyone. If your kids are in a phase where they're waking up a lot, it could be a problem. But luckily there are lots of different set ups you can explore to see what might work for you, your kids, and your lifestyle.

Here are some other popular versions of babysitting swaps that can also be lifesavers — and marriage savers.

The daytime swap. In this version, Couple A goes out on a date while Couple B watches the kids, but just for a few hours during the day. Couple B just has to supervise a big play date, no stressful bedtime stuff necessary. Some people love being the babysitting couple in this scenario because, with the kids so pre-occupied playing with each other, mom and dad can get a ton of stuff done around the house.

The multi-family swap. If you can involve three or four different families, you'll have more kids in the mix but also more capable adults to help watch them. A four-family setup works well, with two couples going out and two couples watching all the kiddos. Plus, it's way more fun for the babysitting couple if they have friends there to socialize with while they're supervising.

The moms- or dads-only swap. Date nights don't have to be just for couples! A great way to get extra social time with your friends who are parents is for the dads to stay home with the kids while the moms go out together, or vice versa. It works great when all four people in the couples are great individual friends as well.

Parents need quality time with their kids, spouse, and friends—plus time spent alone to enjoy whatever they like doing. There simply aren't enough hours in the day to get them all! We need to be so much better at leaning on, and supporting, our community of parents so that we can at least attempt to fill our cups with the social, romantic, and alone time we need. Abigael's version is just one of many that give us a fighting chance.

@yourejustliz/TikTok

“Nice is different than kind."

It might have been pretty universally accepted during our childhood for daughters to be expected to reciprocate affection from adults, whether they liked it or not. A non consensual kiss to grandparents here, a forced “thank you” there. But times have changed.

However, this change in parenting style can sometimes make for some, well, awkward or even downright uncomfortable situations as moms and dads try to advocate for this kid’s autonomy.

Recently, a mom named Liz Kindred detailed just such an incident with her six year old daughter, which has a whole lotta other parents discussing how to navigate these unideal interactions.

As she recalls in a video posted to TikTok, Kindred was waiting in line with her daughter when a grown man turned around and said “My goodness, you sure are pretty” to the child.

“My six-year-old is gorgeous, yes, but she is also very in tune and perceptive, and she's an introvert so she grabbed my leg really tight,” Kindred said.

Doubling down, the man repeated himself, saying “You sure are pretty. Look at those blue eyes,” which only made her shy daughter grab her leg harder.

Noting that being in a 12 step program has taught her to be less “knee jerk reactionary,” the mom bit her tongue and offered a polite smile to the man, hoping that would be the end of it. It wasn’t.



“He's a boomer and, God love him, he said, ‘I guess your mom didn't teach you manners.’ And I let out an uncomfortable little [chuckle], and the pause was long. It was long. And under his breath he said, ‘Guess not,’” she said.

In what she called the most ”Jesus loving way” she could muster, while still bluntly making her point, Kindred told the man "If you assume that I didn't teach my six-year-old daughter to say ‘thank you’ to a grown, consenting man when he compliments her appearance, then you would be correct."

What followed was the “longest silence” of Kindred’s life.

The video, which has been viewed over 6 million times now, prompted a ton of parents to share how their own kids have established boundaries in similar situations—with their support, of course.

“An old man called my 4 yr old daughter a sweetheart at the store…she boldly responded ‘I am NOT YOUR sweetheart!’ I was so proud,” on person recalled.

Another added, “My 3 year old says ‘NO THANK YOU MY BODY DOESN’T LIKE TAHT.’”

Still another said “My 2 yo knows the boundaries song and just starts singing that anytime someone talks to her.”

While the response to Kindred’s video was overwhelmingly positive, there were a few comments defending the man as simply being “kind.” This prompted Kindred to do a follow-up video doubling down on her decision.

In the clip, she shared how she herself has dealt with seemingly innocent compliments in her life from men, which later turned into something else. Feeling like she “didn’t have a voice” to say something, “because I’m a nice Christian, Southern girl,” Kindred ended up being in unsavory situations (she didn't explicitly say what those situations were, but it's easy enough to piece together). She doesn’t want her daughter to have the same issues.


“Nice is different than kind. The kind thing to do is to teach our daughters and our children in this next generation that when you are uncomfortable with something you listen to your body and you set a firm boundary with that and you provide language around that. And you start that really really young.”

Yep. Well said.


This article originally appeared last year.

Internet

Hospice nurses share their patients' wildest death bed confessions, and it's eye-opening

Sometimes people wait until the very end to deliver a "mic drop" moment.

Impending death is the ultimate confessional, it seems.

Death comes for us all, and with it often comes one last opportunity to speak our full truth. Whether for religious reasons or to finally release psychological baggage, many find themselves wishing to expose long held secrets once they know the end is drawing near.

Of course, there are reasons why people wait until they are on their deathbed to make such confessions. Often they revolve around illegal activity, abuse, cheating, or other choices that might either incriminate themselves or hurt relationships if shared while they are still living.

Most of the time, these confessions aren’t even made to a family member or loved one, but to strangers providing hospice care. This undoubtedly offers an additional level of safety while disclosing sensitive information. However, for the nurses and other hospice workers, hearing these stories can’t be an easy part of the job.

Recently, nurses shared some of the more shocking deathbed confessions they’ve heard in their professional careers, and while the conversation shines a light on the darker side of humanity, it’s also a glimpse into the beauty of this brief candle that is life.

Many nurses shared moments when their patients simply knew the end had come.

This isn’t a confession, per se, but clearly a common phenomenon:

I've had a few people casually tell me, "I'm going to die today." The first time someone who was awake, alert and not-in-distress told me that (then died later that day), I was spooked. Then, I learned to believe them.

hospice nurse and patient talking to each other "I took her to the bathroom and right there in my arms she went home…Photo credit: Canva

Brought a pediatric patient back for emergency heart surgery (about 14yrs old). He was very nervous. Outlook looked grim. I held his hand as they began to induce anesthesia. He looked like he was about to cry. I told him there was nothing to worry about. He was gonna be just fine. He gripped my hand super tight as the propfol took hold, looked me in the eye and said 'I'm going to die, aren't I?' I told him I would be there in PACU when he woke up. He died on the table. I was the last thing he ever saw. 8 years later I still think about that kid. I still see his face. The fear in his eyes. I still feel guilty that I lied right to his face…

I don’t know if this fits in here, but the first death I witnessed was in a dementia ward. The patient has been sad and depressed as long as I’d known her. No matter what we did to cheer her up, it just didn’t stick. One morning I went in to her room to get her out of bed and make her ready for the day, she sat up in her bed with her feet straight out. She somehow looked like a little child and she was smiling. Delighted that she looked happy I exclaimed : 'Are you already up, friend?' She answered, so happy and so smiley: 'yes, I’m going home today' I took her to the bathroom and right there in my arms she went home…I was young and it scared me back then, but now I cherish that memory. We should all be so lucky to leave the world happy and content.

Then there are other signs, such as seeing an already deceased loved one, or seeing celestial beings.

When they tell me this or that deceased relative visited them the day or night before, I know something will go down.

I’m a nurse now and honestly have seen much more sudden and traumatic deaths since this one, but this one always is the first I think of…There was this one resident who was much younger than most there, only in her mid 60s. She was in really rough physical and mental shape due to severe liver failure and other compounding issues for years…The day I was wearing new scrubs and in there cleaning her like normal, she suddenly looked right at me and in a very soft, clear voice said, ‘you look like an angel.’ I remember being pretty shocked that she spoke out loud and kinda just said, ‘isn’t this a pretty color??’ She went back to being nonverbal the rest of the shift and I remember thinking about it a lot until I went home. When I got back 2 days later I found out she had died in her sleep that night.

As hinted at earlier, there were a LOT of death bed confessions involving, well, salacious secrets.

nurse holds the hand of elderly person in bed“An old lady told me she had a 22 year long affair with a bus driver, and all five of her adult children might be his."Photo credit: Canva

Working in oncology at the time, had an older gentleman with liver cancer that had spread everywhere including his brain. Having brain mets made him very vague, often nonsensical, he was in and out of consciousness…He also had a thick Eastern European accent…Anyways, one day I’m taking his vitals and he grabs my hand, looks me straight in the eyes and just says to me ‘you know, I have killed so many people’ in his very strong accent. I kind of just froze and didn’t know what to say but he let go and went back to sleep/reduced consciousness.

An old lady told me she had a 22 year long affair with a bus driver, and all five of her adult children might be his. I didn't pass that along.

I work with dementia clients…A mind blowing confession I always think about was a veteran who confessed to all the war crimes he committed and how he felt so terrible for all the things he did. He said this was the reason he had no relationship with his family and to be honest I don't blame his family for not having anything to do with him.”

I've had a few senior women who are in different stages of dementia describe violent SA they experienced as children, many of the stories were similar in the sense of when they told their parents they were blamed or not taken seriously. Really heart breaking but I never knew if they were actually true stories.”

I once had a man who was extremely sick, confused and at the end stages of life. I had only dealt with him on 2 separate occasions a few days apart so wasn't super familiar with him. He confessed on both occasions to beating a woman to death in great detail…not sure if it was the confusion or true, but the amount of details he had and the way he said he was ready to be put away for it was really disturbing.

That none of her adult kids were her husband’s - and there were 4 of them , and none of them knew.”

woman helps an elderly woman walk with a cane in a room with other elderly people socializing "Approach everything with gusto ladies and gentlemen, like it might be your last time.”Photo credit: Canva

I work in a nursing home. One of our residents was a well-known local pimp in his younger years. It involved filming videos of young girls for his rental business. Nicest man in the world now…Another resident harbored a known serial killer when there was a statewide manhunt for him. She was related by marriage and this was what women did for the men back in the day… A third resident did hard time for having stockpiled explosives in his house…Those are just a couple of backstories I know. It can make caring for people…complicated. You really have to suspend judgement and deal compassionately with what’s right in front of you.”

Then there were some that really just fell into their own category…

That she liked Hitler because she was poor as a child and she would only get new shoes when she went to the train station to see the Jews off to the concentration camps.”

I've got several, but this is one of my favorites. 98 yrs old guy heart failure…I asked him ‘so, 98 yrs. What have you learned?’ His response was awesome. He said ‘sex. If I knew the last time I had it was going to be the last time, I would not have been such a gentleman’…Approach everything with gusto ladies and gentlemen, like it might be your last time.”

But on a brighter note, not every daybed confession contained so much gloom and doom.

Just as many stories, though still heartbreaking in their own way, revolved around forgiveness, gratitude, and a longing to feel or express love.

hospice nurse shows elderly woman in chair something on her phone"They basically just held hands and apologized to each other and died together.”Photo credit: Canva

A mother and son were cooking meth and the house exploded. They both had enough burns they were not going to make it. They basically just held hands and apologized to each other and died together.

Working in dementia care I was helping a resident with a bath having a typical conversation with him about his day, my day, etc…Near the end he thanked me [my name] for the help but then he quickly grabbed my hand saying “Thank you for being here [daughters name]”, she hadn’t visited him in a long time. He dozed off as I was cleaning up supplies and when patted his hand as a goodbye gesture not to wake him, I realized he had passed. I was 16, it really shaped my perception of both death and love.

Patient once told me he wished he had worked less and spent more time traveling and being with friends and family. He died the next day, not on my shift. It stuck in my head. A few years later I retired and this was one of the reasons. It changed my perspective.”

I had an elderly lady in for shortness of breath…She had been with us for about 5 hours at this point, she's ready for imaging so the husband goes to get her an overnight bag and we head to imaging. Fully lucid…[she] asks me to tell her husband when he came back that she loves him very much and has enjoyed her life with him. 15 minutes later we return to the room, I plug her monitor back into the podium and she arrests. She didn't get to tell him she loved him that one last time like I reassured her she would. I often think about that man, I think he would have shortly passed from a broken heart. The way he looked at her after 70+ years of marriage.”

One has to wonder what holding onto such things does to our quality of life. On the other hand, maybe there never is a right time to share our secrets, until there isn’t any time left.

Joy

12 strange everyday objects that make zero sense until you know where they come from

That weird tiny pocket on your jeans is an example of a phenomenon called 'skeuomorphism'

Sabine/Flickr, Unsplash, Andrew Ng/flickr

Somehow, they're common and mysterious at the same time.

There are certain words, phrases, or idioms in our culture that don't seem to make a lot of sense, and that's because they are holdovers from a time when the words had a different meaning or context. Still, we cling to them anyway as a form of shorthand that everyone understands. But did you know that there are real physical, visual, and (sometimes) tangible objects we interact with every day that have taken a similar journey of defying obsolescence?

These things are sometimes called "skeuomorphs," which Dictionary.com describes as: "an ornament or design on an object that mimics the form of the object when made from another material or by other techniques, usually one that reflects a previously functional element, as an imitation metal rivet mark found on the handles of prehistoric pottery."

If you've ever come across something that seems functional but has no discernible purpose, you might be looking at a skeuomorph. Sometimes these objects continue to exist for aesthetic reasons—because they look nice. Other times, retaining "outdated" features or design elements may help people quickly understand what the object does.

Confused? Here are some examples of skeuomorphs you'll definitely recognize. In fact, you probably see or interact with these almost everyday.

1. The infamous tiny jeans pocket

tiny pocket on pair of jeansA super common skeuomorph you didn't know was there.Andrew Ng/Flickr

Most pairs of jeans will, in addition to the main pocket, have a small additional pocket that has been baffling people for generations. There are a lot of rumors about where it comes from and what it's for—condoms, coins, matches, etc. But I think we can all agree that 99% of the time it's pretty much useless.

The truth is that this pocket on jeans is a skeuomorph stemming from the 1800s, when it was designed to hold the face of a pocket watch. Wrist watches didn't become widely popular until after World War I.

2. This computer and phone icon that everyone recognizes

Vintage floppy disk against white backgroundVintage Floppy DiskUnsplash

Skeuomorphs are really popular in the digital design world, where designers often try to mimic real-world counterparts (we'll get to plenty of these!).

Probably the most famous example is the universal "Save" icon, which mirrors an old-fashioned floppy disk from the 1980s. Floppy disks like the one above haven't been common for a long time, but their likeness is still globally accepted in this specific context, and probably will be for a long time to come.

3. The sound your phone camera makes

You might not be familiar with this sound at all if you're below a certain age and used to having your phone in silent mode. In some places, like Japan, phones are required to make a sound when a picture is taken—for privacy and safety reasons.

The sound is a digital mimic of the noise a physical shutter makes on an actual camera and is not required at all for any functional reason!

4. Email CCs and BCCs

When you add someone to an email chain, publicly or secretly, you'll use these functions—but most of us don't stop and think about where they come from.

CC and BCC—"carbon copy" and "blind carbon copy," respectively — come from the age of typewriters, when carbon paper was used to make multiple copies of a document at once. In fact, so much of modern email and keyboards harkens back to typewriters. The Shift key initially shifted up the case stamp to change lower case letters to capital. Caps lock, or Shift lock, locked it in place. And did you know that some people say the entire QWERTY keyboard that is standard today was not chosen because it's the optimal layout? Instead, they claim, QWERTY was designed to separate commonly used letters and prevent typewriter jams.

Others say QWERTY came about when typists were attempting to rapidly transcribe blazing fast morse code. In any case, who knew typewriters were so influential!

5. The teeny, tiny handle on a bottle of maple syrup

Close up of bottle of syrupWhat's that for, anyway?Joe Zimny Photos/Flickr

Look at that thing! No one could possibly grip it or actually use the handle to pour their syrup. So why is it still there?

Surprise! It's a skeuomorph. The tiny handle is a leftover from—or at least meant to evoke — old timey and gigantic stoneware jugs with which people used to store liquids. Ultimately, the tiny handles were a marketing gimmick meant to inspire nostalgia in potential customers.

6. The little bow on women's underwear

A surprising majority of women's underwear features a tiny little bow prominently placed on the very front. It looks nice, but serves no purpose functionally—so why is it so pervasive?

The most likely explanation is that they are a holdover—skeuomorph!—from the days before elastic, when undergarments and many other types of clothes were held up by a piece of ribbon that had to be pulled taught and tied. When elastic came around, the bow was no longer necessary, but too cute to ditch completely, apparently.

7. Window shutters

yellow house with green shuttersWindow shutters add style and flare, okay? Photo by Evan Wise on Unsplash

Homeowners fuss and fuss over the color and style of our shutters, and meanwhile, they don't do a dang thing.

Shutters have been around for hundreds of years. Originally, they were the only way to open or shut a window, long before glass was readily available. By 1920, they were pretty much made obsolete by modern windows, blinds, storm windows, screens, and more, but again, they looked nice so we kept them!

Similarly, muntins—the thin bars that separate most windows into smaller panes—and mullions —the thicker vertical bars that separate one large window into two smaller ones—were originally necessary for support, but fell out of favor as larger single panes of glass became available. But we liked the way they looked, so they eventually found their way back to our homes.

8. The noise your vacuum cleaner makes

Early versions of vacuums were extraordinarily loud. Rumors have persisted for years that modern vacuum manufacturers could almost completely eliminate the noise, if it weren't for the fact that consumers prefer it. When a vacuum is loud, we perceive it to be powerful—so some manufacturers add it back in.

Similarly, electric vehicles make almost no noise. But a lot of people miss the sound of a roaring engine, which has prompted certain manufacturers to artificially add it in even though it's not necessary, according to Cheddar, an authority in financial news and tech coverage. Skeuomorph!

9. Fake pockets, buttons, and buckles

The only thing weirder than the tiny pocket on jeans is having a completely artificial pocket!

Jeans have been around for a really long time, becoming popular during the California Gold Rush thanks to Levi Strauss and Jacob Davis. With such a long history, we're pretty used to seeing pockets in the usual spot. But at some point, some designers decided pockets were disrupting the cut and aesthetic of their clothes—particularly in women's clothes. The solution? Create a fake pocket. It'll look like what we're used to without altering the lines of the garment.

You'll also see plenty of clothes with fake buttons or fake buckles on shoes, likely holdovers from features that used to be functional but weren't necessary anymore.

10. Grills on electric cars

The grill on a car allows air to enter into the engine and help cool the radiator. Electric cars, which are becoming more and more commonplace, don't need this feature. While they do still need airflow, they need much less—yet you still see many of them with a large grill in the front.

Turns out people just really like their EVs to look as much like regular cars as possible.

11. Candle-shaped lightbulbs

a chandelier in a room with a marble wallHave you ever stopped to think about how weird these are? Photo by Edoardo Botez on Unsplash

Here's an obvious but extremely prominent one. Most of us really love candles, lanterns, and other fire-based sources of light. But unfortunately, working with real fire just isn't practical in a lot of cases.

Light bulbs are safer and more convenient most of the time, but we've put a lot of effort into making them look as much like candles and lanterns as possible. There are even light bulbs that artificially flicker like a real flame!

12. Half the apps and icons on your phone

Skeuomorphic design was really common in the early days of smartphones, and it's still fairly prevalent today.

You'll probably recognize a ton of examples: A Notes app that looks exactly like a sheet of paper. A calculator app that looks exactly like your elementary school calculator. A podcast app that looks like a cassette tape playing in a tape player.

Skeuomorphs are extremely common in icons and logos. The Gmail app logo itself resembles a letter in a paper envelope. The universally accepted symbol for phone calls resembles an old-fashioned handheld phone receiver, not a cell phone. The battery symbol looks nothing like modern lithium ion batteries, but much more like a AA.

Skeuomorphs are everywhere you look! Not only do they often look cool, they quickly convey meaning and function to people who may not be familiar with the app or design.