
This article originally appeared on 10.08.18
Liz Kleinrock has used America's heated discourse on sexual violence as the springboard for lessons on consent for her third graders.
Kleinrock, who teaches at Citizens of the World Charter School Silver Lake in Los Angeles, took to Facebook and Instagram to share the visual aids she uses in her lessons about about consent.
She talks about what consent looks and sounds like. She explores when consent is needed in a way that's appropriate for the age group. She also addresses some of the “What if" questions kids might raise, such as “What if the other person says “No," but they're smiling?" or “What if the person wanted a hug yesterday, but doesn't today?" and gives kids alternatives for what to do if consent is not given.
Kleinrock says that current conversations about sexual assault prompted her to take action with the kids in her classroom.
“Everything about Kavanaugh in the news has been making me HEATED," she wrote on the social media accounts she keeps for her website, Teach and Transform. “So whenever I get frustrated about the state of our country, it inspires me to proactively teach my kids to DO BETTER. Today was all about CONSENT. We even explored the grey areas, like if someone says “yes" but their tone and body language really says “no." Role playing is a great way to reinforce these skills, but they MUST be taught explicitly!"
Kleinrock says her consent lessons aren't about sex, and that the concept of consent starts long before sexual relationships come into the picture.
Some people may feel weird about addressing consent with kids so young. But Kleinrock says there are foundational lessons that need to start early, which aren't directly tied to sex.
“For a lot of adults, the idea of addressing consent with children is alarming because of the relationship between consent and sex," Kleinrock wrote in an article on Tolerance.org. “However, it's important to break down the concept of consent regarding boundaries, comfort, physical interactions and mutual respect before even getting into the subjects of sex, romantic relationships or toxic masculinity."
She and her third graders brainstorm situations that might call for consent, and explore the “gray areas" that sometimes trip kids—and adults—up. For example, what if someone's body language is saying something different than their words? What if someone is hesitant in their response?
Kleinrock also points out that it's not all about someone's physical personal space. “Students giggle and contribute ideas such as giving hugs and kisses," she said, “but also state that it's important to ask for permission when it comes to sharing and borrowing items from another person. One child proclaims, 'And telling secrets! You have to ask permission to tell someone else's secret!'"
Kleinrock has now added “secrets" to her lessons on personal safety and boundaries.
The student who said “secrets" were something that needed consent to tell was partially right. But that message can be problematic for kids who have been violated and told to keep it a secret.
So Kleinrock has added a lesson about when to keep a secret and when not to. She points out that things like hate speech or doing something dangerous or inappropriate are not things to keep secrets about, whereas fun surprises or someone's personal business—like a kid's parents getting divorced—are secrets we shouldn't share.
Imagine if all kids got such thorough and thoughtful lessons on consent starting at an early age. Keep up the awesome work, Ms. Kleinrock.



Student smiling in a classroom, working on a laptop.
Students focused and ready to learn in the classroom.
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Many of these streams are now unreachable by road, which is why helicopters are used.
Tribal leaders gathered by the Little Naches River for a ceremony and prayer.

Communications expert shares the perfect way to gracefully shut down rude comments
Taking the high ground never felt so good.
A woman is insulted at her job.
It came out of nowhere. A coworker made a rude comment that caught you off guard. The hair on the back of your neck stands up, and you want to put them in their place, but you have to stay tactful because you're in a professional setting. Plus, you don't want to stoop to their level.
In situations like these, it helps to have a comeback ready so you can stand up for yourself while making making sure they don't disrespect you again.
Vince Xu, who goes by Lawyer Vince on TikTok, is a personal injury attorney based in Torrance, California, where he shares the communication tips he's learned with his followers. Xu says there are three questions you can ask someone who is being rude that will put them in their place and give you the high ground:
Question 1: "Sorry, can you say that again?"
"This will either make them have to awkwardly say the disrespectful remark one more time, or it'll actually help them clarify what they said and retract their statement," Xu shares.
Question 2: "Did you mean that to be hurtful?"
The next step is to determine if they will repeat the disrespectful comment. "This calls out their disrespect and allows you to learn whether they're trying to be disrespectful or if there's a misunderstanding," Xu continues.
Question 3: "Are you okay?"
"What this does, is actually put you on higher ground, and it's showing empathy for the other person," Xu adds. "It's showing that you care about them genuinely, and this is gonna diffuse any type of disrespect or negative energy coming from them."
The interesting thing about Xu's three-step strategy is that by gracefully handling the situation, it puts you in a better position than before the insult. The rude coworker is likely to feel diminished after owning up to what they said, and you get to show them confidence and strength, as well as empathy. This will go a lot further than insulting them back and making the situation even worse.
Xu's technique is similar to that of Amy Gallo, a Harvard University communications expert. She says that you should call out what they just said, but make sure it comes out of their mouth. "You might even ask the person to simply repeat what they said, which may prompt them to think through what they meant and how their words might sound to others," she writes in the Harvard Business Review.
More of Gallo's suggested comebacks:
“Did I hear you correctly? I think you said…”
“What was your intention when you said…?”
“What specifically did you mean by that? I'm not sure I understood.”
“Could you say more about what you mean by that?”
Ultimately, Xu and Gallo's advice is invaluable because it allows you to overcome a negative comment without stooping to the other person's level. Instead, it elevates you above them without having to resort to name-calling or admitting they got on your nerves. That's the mark of someone confident and composed, even when others are trying to take them down.