+
“A balm for the soul”
  review on Goodreads
GOOD PEOPLE Book
upworthy
More

They adopted him when he was 16. 8 years later, he's in prison — and they're waiting, as parents do.

True
Tylenol

When Cory was 5 years old, he was removed from his home by the state and placed into foster care. For the next 11 years, he bounced between homes, ultimately landing in a facility at age 15.

By then, the odds were beginning to dwindle that he would be adopted, as older children in the foster care system typically have a harder time finding their "forever family." Unfortunately, this part of Cory's story isn't all that rare.

Cory at almost 16, the first time he met the Crouch family. All photos courtesy of Tanja Crouch.

When it comes to U.S. foster care, many of the statistics are troubling.

Over 400,000 children were in foster care in 2013. And in the same year, 23,000 children “aged out" of the system.

That means they hit an age, usually 18, where they're simply “too old" to remain in foster care. They are turned out into the world on their own with no safety net — no family to come home to when life throws up an inevitable roadblock, nobody to call when their bank account balance dips below zero.

Teens who age out of the system face a more difficult road in life than average folks who have families. They are less likely to graduate from high school or get a GED, and they are far less likely to graduate from college. Additionally, they are more likely to become pregnant, homeless, or end up in jail.

Cory, however, didn't age out.

Cory was almost 16 when he met the people who would become his parents.

When I talked to Tanja and Kevin Crouch, they had recently celebrated their 36th anniversary. Tanja shared with me the memories of their life pre-Cory. Tanja, a recording studio manager, and Kevin, a college professor in the fashion department who has worked as a costumer designer for Disney, Vogue, and other companies, had assumed they would have biological children together. When they discovered they wouldn't be able to, they realized that parenting would have to look a little different than they envisioned.

But Tanja and her siblings were adopted, so she was no stranger to family ties in the absence of biology. The Crouches were open to adoption.

After learning about the need for foster and adoptive families for children in the U.S., Tanja and Kevin decided it was right for them. They attended months of training sessions and went through certification, and then the Crouches were ready to open their home.

Kevin, Tanja, and Cory Crouch.

In 2007, they opened it to Cory. “The first time we met Cory, I knew he was our son. I just felt it. … I felt a connection to him," Tanja told me. And the feeling was mutual. Although his caseworker presented him with the files of three families to review, after he met the Crouches, Cory said he didn't care to meet the others. He also felt the connection.

Following a few more meetings and a trial weekend, the three agreed that Cory should move in with Tanja and Kevin, one week before his 16th birthday and two short years before he would have aged out of the system.

That day, the Crouches became a family of three.

Kevin and Cory rappelling.

But for kids who have lived a large part of their childhoods in foster care, their troubles don't simply stop on a dime just because they've found a permanent home. Rough roads were still ahead.

Tanja and Kevin were committed to Cory from the beginning, like most parents.

And like all parents, they made some mistakes. “We probably spoiled Cory, giving him too much, too soon," Tanja said. “But we had waited so long for a child that we just wanted him to have every opportunity."

Cory later told them about his feelings, common among many foster children who find themselves in loving families after years of having the opposite. It was difficult for Cory “to suddenly have a family and people who cared if he did his homework and showed up for school and was where he was supposed to be," Tanja said.

“He never had anyone care or check up before. He also never had a cellphone or a computer or other things. The first week we had him, we took him shopping for new clothes and let him pick out his bedding and other things for his room. It became a little overwhelming to have choices and new things. This he shared with us more recently. He did not appreciate and take care of those things, probably because he was used to having to leave everything behind and just move with his clothes and a few other personal items."

The Crouches did what parents do when their kids have significant unmet needs: They find a way to meet them.

“Cory was nearly two years behind in school because no one had ever cared if he was in school and if he was passing classes," Tanja said. It was a lot for him to catch up on.

Additionally, they learned that Cory was heavily medicated for misdiagnosed ADHD. “There was a lot of counseling, tutors, and doctors' visits — things we never imagined."

At the same time, the couple also had to adjust to a big life change.

“Getting used to a third person who was an active teen ... lots of his friends coming and going — it was a big adjustment for us," Tanja explained. “We had been married for more than 20 years with no children, just the two of us. ... We were not prepared for all the adjustments. However, the sacrifices were worth it, to finally have a son."

Unfortunately, the impact of nearly 11 years in the foster care system, coupled with his other challenges, led Cory to make some poor decisions.

Cory ran into legal trouble when he was caught with pot, and his situation was further complicated when he failed to show for court dates. As a result, he's now serving time in prison.

His situation, it should be noted, is one that thousands of other teens — not just adopted teens — find themselves in every day, regardless of their backgrounds. Poor decision-making is often a rite of passage to adulthood. But unlike individuals who age out of the foster care system, Cory had a family before he turned 18 — and he has a family waiting for him when he's released. Tanja calls and writes to Cory weekly, sharing Scripture lessons and providing words of hope.

Cory has told Tanja many times that her letters are a source of encouragement. “I always start my letters by mentioning something we talked about on the phone and how proud I am of him. I end by telling him I love him," Tanja said.

She believes that has further solidified their relationship. “I know he never heard things like that when he grew up. My constantly reminding him he is my son and I am proud of the changes he is trying to make helps him to further believe in himself."

The Crouches are optimistic that Cory will be released this fall — and when he is, they'll be there for him. “I believe Cory is the son we were supposed to have. I believe that God found a way to finally help us to find one another," Tanja said.

Despite the challenges, Tanja and Kevin aren't going anywhere.

“This is not the plan I had for being a parent and certainly not the plan I had for Cory. But, I love him and I want this to be a blip on the radar." Her hope for him sounds like that of any parent who wants the best for their child. Their love is a great reminder that parenting comes in all shapes and sizes and families are created in many ways.

A mother's love knows no bounds.

Tanja shared a memory with me that sums up their journey so well:

“One time when Cory was kicked out of school for a week, he ran away. I went looking for him and finally found him with a group of 'troubled teen' friends. I told him to get in the car because we were going home. He was my son and I would always come and find him no matter what he did and where he went.

That is why, although he is sitting in prison, I have not given up on him. He is my son and I will always go and find him and bring him home because I love him. He is our son forever."

That is what a "forever family" looks like.

Pets

Man jumps out of his car with a puppy in the most adorable red-light moment ever recorded

"I JUST WITNESSED THE PUREST THING EVER."

via Celina Romera / Flickr

When you see someone jump out of their car at a red light to talk with another motorist, usually it's bad news. Most of the time, it's the moment when road rage gets personal.

But 26-year-old Celina Romera caught video of probably one of the most adorable red-light interactions between motorists on December 15 in Tampa, Florida.

In the video, an unidentified man pops out of his car at a stoplight with a darling puppy in his hand. In the other car, a big German Shepherd pops his head out and the two dogs exchange kisses.

"I JUST WITNESSED THE PUREST THING EVER," Romera wrote on Facebook.

After the light changes, the man with the puppy gently walks back to the car. In the video Romera can be heard saying, "It's okay, man. Take your time."

One could imagine that the dogs were barking at each other before the video began.Then, the owner of the puppy thought it was okay for the two dogs to meet. The American Kennel Club says that barking between dogs is a pretty crude way to communicate.

However, it is part of a host of messages that dogs send to one another.

The job of a dog's owner is to determine if the dogs are ready to share a sniff or of one is fearful.

"The combination of barking, body language, and approach-avoidance behavior gives away the fearful dog's motivation, even to us relatively uneducated body-language readers," the Club says on its blog.

The original video Romera posted has been shared over 120,000 times.

The heartwarming video is a reminder that nothing can bring two strangers and millions of Facebook viewers together quite like dogs.


This article originally appeared on 12.16.19


From Your Site Articles
man in car puppy
Health

Goodbye BMI. Body Roundness Index doesn’t use weight and may become the new measurement.

BMI has had its detractors for a long time.

via Andres Ayrton/Pexels

A woman measuring her waist.

Since the 1980s, Body Mass Index (BMI) has been one of the most popular ways for healthcare workers to determine someone’s overall health, but it has plenty of detractors. The index has been called everything from inaccurate and misleading to racist, sexist and fatphobic.

Others find it useful as a quick and easy calculation for an overall health assessment. “Doctors have to take a bigger, broader picture,” Dr. Justin Ryder, associate professor of pediatrics and Northwestern University, told CNN. “They should look at their adult patient and not just say, ‘OK, your BMI is 31, you need to lose weight,’ as that’s not necessarily the answer all the time.”

However, this debate may be over soon after the development of the BRI, or Body Roundness index. Researchers say the index is a more accurate way to determine a person’s health because it emphasizes belly fat more and doesn’t require weighing the patient.



First, look at BMI and why some people have a problem with it.

What is Body Mass Index (BMI)

BMI was introduced in the early 19th century by Lambert Adolphe Jacques Quetelet, a Belgian mathematician who created the measurement to measure obesity for the government. The calculation is pretty simple: divide weight in pounds by height in inches squared and multiply by a conversion factor of 703.

The result puts people in one of 4 categories:

• Underweight – a BMI of less than 18.5

• Normal – a BMI between 18.5 and 24.9

• Overweight – a BMI between 25.0 and 29.9

• Obese – a BMI of 30 or above

weight, bmi, scalesA woman steps onto a scale.via SHVETS production/Pexels

The big critique of this measurement is that it doesn’t take muscle mass into consideration and muscles weigh more than fat. Therefore, a bodybuilder who is very lean can have a high BMI that incorrectly suggests they are overweight.

The measurement has also been called sexist because women tend to have more fat tissue than men. It’s also been accused of being racist because it was developed on Anglo-Saxon men and studies have found that people of various ethnic backgrounds are healthier at different BMIs.

Kimberlydawn Wisdom, MD, MS, FACEP, the Senior Vice President of Community Health & Equity for Henry Ford Health, says that BMI can also promote eating disorders and weight bias.



What is Body Roundness Index (BRI)

The BRI was first introduced in 2013, and it takes into account one’s height, waist circumference, and sometimes hip circumference for calculation. “It has to do with geometry. So if you look at Body Mass Index, you can come up with a geometrical explanation,” Diana M. Thomas, PhD, a Professor of Mathematics at the United States Military Academy at West Point and author of the first paper outlining the index, told Healthline. “With BMI you’re actually using just two measurements. You’re using weight and height. In the Body Roundness Index, we’re using a few more measurements on the human body to capture that shape.”

Researchers believe that measuring a person’s waist better reflects the body's fat amount than their weight. “By taking weight out of the equation, BRI provides a better indicator of how much belly fat (visceral fat) surrounds the organs inside the abdomen. High amounts of belly fat are linked to high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, and some cancers,” Matthew Solan writes at Harvard Health.

A study that followed 33,000 people found that increased BRI is associated with a risk of death compared to those with a lower BRI. For example, those with a BRI of 6.9 had a greater risk of early death than those with a lower BRI of 4.5 to 5.5. Further, those who are older and have lower BRIs (less than 3.4) have a significant risk of death because they may be malnourished due to poor health.

The researchers also found that BRI did a better job at calculating a person’s body composition than BMI. “Our findings provide compelling evidence for the application of BRI as a noninvasive and easy-to-obtain screening tool for estimation of mortality risk and identification of high-risk individuals, a novel concept that could be incorporated into public health practice pending consistent validation in other independent studies,” the authors wrote.

It’s also easy for doctors to calculate in a fast-paced medical setting. “The goal is to have something that can be used by the most number of sites,” Thomas told NBC News. “You don’t need a scan or special scale. BRI only requires a measuring tape.”

From Your Site Articles
body image
Parenting

Man asks how to help his wife who works full-time with a baby at home and keeps getting the same answer

More and more families are trying to scrape by — by trying to do it all

Photo by Katie Emslie on Unsplash

There are times in parenting where you just feel kind of useless.

You can't carry the baby, take a late-night breastfeeding shift, or absorb any of the pain and discomfort of childbirth.

Sometimes the best you can do is to try to take care of your partner.

That's what brought user u/DietyBeta to the AskParents subreddit with a well-meaning question.

"My wife watches our 1yo, works, and is 12 week pregnant. How can I make her daily life easier while I'm away at work?"

He says that when he gets home from work, he takes over all parenting and homemaking duties.

But yeesh! That's still... a lot to handle. No wonder his wife is stressed out.

A few folks chimed in to pat the OP on the back. After all, it's great to see a dad who realizes how much is falling on mom's shoulders and actively looking for ways to lighten the load!

Some helpful suggestions rolled in, like taking over meal prep and making her easy lunches to heat up, hiring cleaners, or paying someone to walk the dogs.

woman in black shirt lying on couch Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash


But then even more people came in to the comments asking the same question over and over: If mom is working, why isn't the 1-year-old in daycare?

u/young-mommy wrote: "Is the one year old in daycare? If not, I would start there. Working from home with a child gets harder and harder as they enter toddlerhood"

u/min2themax said: "It’s nice of you to be asking how to help her but she really is getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop here. It sounds like she is literally always working or parenting. Sometimes both at the same time. Walking the dogs and making her lunches and prepping meals and doing laundry is all well and good but this is not at all sustainable."

u/alternative-box3260 said: "Have the one year old in daycare. I was in a similar situation and it’s impossible. I was able to breath after that, not before."

And u/sillychihuahua26 wrote: "She’s caring for your 1.year old while working? That’s a horrible plan. You guys need childcare like yesterday."

We have a legitimate childcare crisis in our country, and stories like this one really bring it to life.

Childcare in the United States isn't nearly accessible or affordable enough for most families. Period.

ChildCare Aware found that that average cost of childcare in 2022 was $10,853 per year, or roughly 10% of a median family income (in 2024, it's likely even more than that — yet the actual workers at childcare centers are somehow severely underpaid).

But even that eye-popping number is conservative. Anyone who lives anywhere close to a city (or in California or New York) knows the number will be way higher. It's just not feasible for most families to put their child, let alone multiple children, in full-time care while they're young.

And yet! The percentage of households with two parents working full-time has been rising for decades. Life is more expensive than ever, and the extra income from two working parents really helps, even if it's offset by those child care costs.

More and more families are trying to scrape by — by trying to do it all

woman in white shirt sitting on brown wooden armchair Photo by Keren Fedida on Unsplash

Now we don't know whether the OP's family can afford childcare for their 1-year-old or not, although in a later update to the post he wrote:

"As far as daycare, she doesn't want to because she feels like she would be missing out on the time"

So even if you can afford childcare, there's the still the crushing guilt of shipping your child off to be raised by strangers to deal with! Classic.

(Take one guess who shoulders most of the daycare guilt — dads or moms?)

The work-from-home revolution has been a Godsend for parents in certain ways — flexibility, balance, less commuting time — but its also saddled many of them with double duty.

'Hey how about you work full-time because we need the money AND keep an eye on the kids, since you're home anyway!'

But it doesn't work like that, and trying to do both is crushing modern parents.

In fact, the Surgeon General of the United States just put out an official advisory based on the plummeting mental state of today's parents.

We know parents are having a hard time and that it's getting picked up in the national conversation. But hearing about a mom working full-time with a 1-year-old on her hip while pregnant, and a dad stuck working out of the house who's at a total loss for how to make things better really paints a pretty bleak picture.

No one should have to work full-time and parent full-time, at the same time.

A fridge full of microwavable lunches and a fleet of dog walkers isn't going to make it any better until things start changing from the very top.

From Your Site Articles
parenting
Heroes

Mom races to help after seeing young man passed out and surrounded by traffic on busy road

He was the victim of a hit and run.

Photo Credit: Chris Yarzab|Flickr

Mom races to save young airman after motorcycle accident

There's almost nothing quite as scary as a motorcycle accident. They're not as big as cars and can easily drift into your blind spots if you're not paying close attention. Since motorcycle riders are not protected by the metal framing of a enclosed motor vehicle, their accidents can be catastrophic at a higher rate. That's why there are all sorts of initiatives aimed at getting people to pay closer attention to the motorcycles on the road.

You've probably heard the phrase, "look twice, save a life," or the concept of adopting a motorcycle buddy, which basically entails noticing a motorcycle and providing distance between them and other cars. It can be a good way to make sure the driver is always within your line of sight so you don't lose them in a blind spot and so you can render assistance if they are in an accident. Some families make it a game on roadtrips for their kids to participate in keeping track of the motorcycle riders.

But even with all the additional alertness some motorists attempt to have when it comes to motorcycle drivers, accidents still happen. Sometimes fatal. Sometimes with what appears to be divine intervention where the bike rider manages to walk away with just scrapes while their motorcycle is mangled beyond repair. Debra Bute happened upon what appeared to be a cataclysmic motorcycle accident leaving the unprotected motorist laying in the middle of the road.

Bute is a mom of two teens and noticed the man laying in the road as other drivers simply slowed down to swerve around the injured motorist. She could immediately see that he driver of the motorcycle was a young airman due to his torn uniform, yet no other onlookers attempted to render aid or call an ambulance. The mom didn't hesitate. Imagining what she would want to happen if it had been one of her teens, she rushed to check on the airman, who still remains unnamed.

Motorcycle training offered to base personnel > Hanscom Air Force ...www.hanscom.af.mil

According to the Pacific Daily News the accident occurred in the early morning hours of August 23, on the island of Guam. There are several military bases located on the US Territory, and the airman arrived at Andersen Air Force Base just six months earlier. The accident took place while it was still dark outside, so Bute was sure to use her vehicle to block other drivers from getting too close the the man laying in the road.

When another motorist realized what was going on, they too stopped to help when Bute asked them to call 911. The mom told the Pacific Daily News, “It was a kid, a young man. That could have been my son."

man in blue v neck shirt and black jacket standing beside woman in blue v neck Photo by Some Tale on Unsplash

The road in which the accident happened is very busy and is no stranger to accidents as the outlet explains an accident in July ended in a fatality after a man thrown from his vehicle was hit by a motorist who didn't stop. Bute was able to get an update from the 36th Wing Base Commander, Brig. Gen. Thomas Palenske, who thanks the woman in a social media post.

"I really think that had it not been for the keen foresight, judgement and overall good Samaritan actions of Ms. Bute, to render aid to this person, I think that further tragedy to the Airman might have occurred. She may have truly saved his life," Brig. Gen. Palenske shares.

He was not alone in praising the fast thinking military spouse. Fellow spouses, military members and civilian workers chimed in under the commander's post sharing their gratitude.

"Thank you so much Mrs. Bute. To the airman praying for a effective and speedy recovery. Having worked in property and casualty in the past it could’ve been so different . Insurance world we call the other vehicle a phantom vehicle and for motorcyclists not a lot of them make it out if they do it’s pretty bad . So thank you again Ms. Deb for trusting your instincts, being vigilant and looking out for him and just being a great human," one person writes.


File:Honda City hit by motorcycle 1.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

"Thank you for using good judgment and for helping someone in need. I’m even more grateful that you took some training in first aide to help this gentleman. It came in handy today. You are a HERO," another says.

"I came upon scene this morning before the ambulance and fire truck arrived. I saw a lady that was knelt down with the Airman. I have been praying for him all day. Kudos to her for stopping and being with him. I’m so glad to hear he is doing okay," someone else shares.

man sitting on the motorcycle Photo by Harley-Davidson on Unsplash

"I lost my brother-in-law in a motorcycle accident in San Diego back in 2016- he was a Chief in the Navy at the time. Thank you for stopping and helping them out! I'm so glad you were safe and they were able to walked away from this," another commenter reveals.

Thankfully, the unnamed airman was able to walk away from the motorcycle accident with nothing more than a few scrapes and bruises. But if it hadn't been for the woman's quick thinking, the man could've been further injured before regaining his wherewithal to move out of the road.

From Your Site Articles
mom saves airman
Heroes

When a 911 operator got a call for a 'large pizza' he quickly realized something was very wrong

At first he thought it was a prank.

via Matt / Flickr

In 2020, an Oregon, Ohio police dispatcher and the daughter of a domestic abuse victim were lauded for their response to a violent situation. Dispatcher Tim Teneyck was manning the phone lines when a curious call came in that he first assumed was a prank.

"I would like to order a pizza," the 911 caller said, giving a residential address.

"You called 911 to order a pizza?" a bemused Teneyck asked. "This is the wrong number to call for a pizza."

"No, no, no, no, you're not understanding," the woman insisted.

"I'm getting you now," Teneyck quickly replied. "We'll get 'em going."

"Is the other guy still there?" Teneyck asked

"I need a large pizza," the woman said.

"How about medical, do you need medical?" Teneyck replied. "No," the woman replied.

"With pepperoni," the woman continued.

"We'll get 'em going," Teneyck stated before asking if the woman can stay on the phone.

"No," the woman replied before the call ends.


Why This Woman Called 911 to Order Pizzawww.youtube.com


Teneyck realized she needed emergency assistance because of her persistence. "She stuck right to it," he told Inside Edition. "I knew there was something else going on."

The dispatcher told police to go to the house with their sirens off saying "there's domestic violence going on." When police arrived, they saw the call was from a young woman whose mother was assaulted by her boyfriend, Simon Lopez.

According to the young woman, Lopez came home drunk saying he was going to "beat her ass" before punching her and throwing her into a wall.

"I was thinking to myself 'I need to call 911 but how do I get him to stay in the house so he will be taken out in handcuffs' and I just thought, 'Pizza!'" the woman told Inside Edition.

Simon Lopez, 56, was arrested by police and charged with misdemeanor domestic violence. Lopez also had a warrant out for failure to appear.

"I thank him from the bottom of my heart," the woman said of Teneyck.

via Inside Edition / YouTube

The next day, Oregon Police Chief Mike Navarre praised Teneyck as well.

"He utilized his training and his experience to recognize that a woman was in distress," Navarre told NBC News. "We have no way of knowing what would have happened if she didn't get through."

After the incident, the dispatcher and police chief learned that some support groups teach people to report domestic violence surreptitiously to 911 by pretending to order Chinese food or pizza.

When the operator says "you have the wrong number" the person reporting the violence is supposed to say, "no."

Navarre is using the call to train other dispatchers on how to realize if someone is in trouble and can't express it in words.

"A good dispatcher is going to recognize that this is a person who wants to talk and needs help. That is exactly what happened here," he said. "Some dispatchers might hang up on this person, but it's worth a try to give it your best shot. That's what she did, and it worked out extremely well."

To get support, resources, and hope for anyone affected by domestic violence in the U.S. call 1.800.799-SAFE (7233).


This article originally appeared on 11.19.20
From Your Site Articles
heroes
Trending Stories