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19 musicals that are not only catchy—they could help with dementia, according to science

Back in 2013, researchers in the U.S. stumbled upon a novel new treatment for dementia patients: listening to show tunes. Seriously.

musicals, theater, art, dementia, treatments
Photo by Jordhan Madec on Unsplash

A picture taken of the Broadway street sign in New York City.

Back in 2013, researchers in the U.S. stumbled upon a novel new treatment for dementia patients: listening to show tunes. Seriously.

A study of nursing home patients found that residents who sang show tunes — specifically from "Oklahoma!" "The Wizard of Oz," and "The Sound of Music" — demonstrated increased mental performance, according to a report in the New York Daily News:

"Researchers working with elderly residents at an East Coast care home found in a four-month long study ... that people who sang their favorite songs showed a marked improvement compared to those who just listened."

A similar study in Finland, cited in The Guardian, demonstrated that singing not only helped dementia patients feel better and focus, but actually improved certain types of memory as well.

Even better? There are tons of classic show tunes specifically about remembering.

Here are 23 tunes every Broadway fan needs to memorize for the day when it's not so easy to remember. It'll help to start brushing up now.

1. The one about remembering the good old days.

"Those Were the Good Old Days," "Damn Yankees"

If you're the devil in "Damn Yankees," that means the Great Depression, the Black Plague years, and when Jack the Ripper was running around. Good times!

2. The one about remembering a parade that probably never happened.

Any playlist of show tunes about memory has to include this standard from "The Music Man," in which Professor Harold Hill remembers the best day of his life, when "Gilmore, Liberati, Pat Conway, The Great Creatore, W.C. Handy, and John Phillip Sousa all came to town."

Whether or not any of it actually happened is ... up for debate, to put it mildly.

3. The one about remembering a really fun trip you took to a medium-sized Midwestern city.

"Kansas City," "Oklahoma"

"Oklahoma's" Will Parker is so psyched about his Kansas City vacation he can't help bragging about it to all the other cowboys. And why not? It's a neat city! Have you been to Joe's Kansas City Barbecue? Neither has Will Parker, since he was there in 1906, but you should totally go.

4. The one about remembering how fun it was to murder that guy that one time...

"Cell Block Tango," "Chicago"

...while glancing nervously over your shoulder to make sure Queen Latifah isn't around.

5. The one about remembering the questionable choices it's too late to go back in time and not make.

"Where Did We Go Right?" from "The Producers"

Looking back doesn't always go well for characters in musicals. It definitely doesn't for "The Producers'" Bialystock and Bloom, as they tear around their office wondering how their incompetently directed, poorly acted, aggressively pro-Hitler musical wound up becoming a massive hit despite their every attempt to make it fail.

6. The one about remembering the little things.

"I Remember/Stranger Than You Dreamt It," "Phantom of the Opera"

Perhaps the greatest testament to how emotionally transporting "Phantom of the Opera" is: Christine, removing the phantom's mask for the first time, can just straight-up claim to remember mist — like, one mist in particular — and no one calls her on it ever.

7. The one about remembering the worst day of your life.

"The Barber and his Wife," "Sweeney Todd"

No character in musical theater is more nostalgic than Sweeney Todd, who, just moments after we meet him, croons this delightful ditty reminiscing about the time he was framed for a crime he didn't commit and banished from England so that an evil judge could rape his wife who subsequently poisoned herself.

A tune you can hum!

8. The one about remembering things differently than everyone else around you.

"Satisfied," "Hamilton"

Not sure if you've heard, but "Hamilton" is good, you guys.

After Alex and Eliza Schuyler meet and fall in love in "Helpless," Angelica Schuyler basically goes "Wicked" on her sister's song, recalling how agonizing it was watching her sister and the man who she herself is super into get together. But she sucks it up and buries it! Older siblings are the best.

9. The one about remembering that cute girl you just met like five seconds ago.

"Maria," "West Side Story"

A classic from "West Side Story." Sure, it's about remembering a meet-cute that literally just happened — Tony and Maria's orchestral-swell-assisted gaze across a crowded gym — but Tony is super jazzed about it, so it makes the list.

Gosh, I sure hope those crazy kids work out!

10. The one about remembering all the worst things from when you were a kid, and one kind-of-OK thing.

"At the Ballet," "A Chorus Line"

The ballet isn't that great, but it's better than devastating childhood trauma. Score one for the ballet! Thanks, "A Chorus Line!"

11. The one about remembering old hobbies.

"Dentist!" from "Little Shop of Horrors"

"Little Shop of Horrors'" Orin Scrivello, DDS, is just misunderstood. I mean, who among us didn't "shoot puppies," "poison guppies," or "take a pussycat and bash in its head" now and again as a kid? The '50s were a simpler time!

12. The one about remembering watching a dude die on the battlefield and feeling feelings about it.

"Momma Look Sharp," "1776"

47 years before "Hamilton" brought us the swaggery, ass-kicking side of the Revolutionary War, "1776" tore our guts out with this song, in which a courier to the Continental Congress recalls watching a mother comfort a young soldier as he dies at the battles of Lexington and Concord.

Hercules Mulligan does the guest rap. (Just kidding. There is no guest rap. It's just gorgeously somber for a while and then over.)

13. The one about remembering the best four years of your life.

"I Wish I Could Go Back to College," "Avenue Q"

Of course the sad-sack puppet man- and woman-children of "Avenue Q" want to go back to college! Who among us doesn't long for the days of term papers, humiliating romantic encounters, and crushing, debilitating debt? And meal-plan ice cream, too!

14. The one about remembering some A-plus advice from your best friend.

"Cabaret," "Cabaret"

Ladies and gentlemen, Sally Bowles from "Cabaret" is no fool! No matter how many lovers leave, or how much her career nosedives, or how nutty local politics get, she always remembers this important life lesson she learned from her good friend Elsie.

If only you had such a great, wise friend, maybe your outlook would be as good as Sally's. You could be so lucky!

15. The one about remembering last Christmas.

"Halloween," "Rent"

When it comes to the science of memory and cognition, "Rent" asks the big questions:

"Why are entire years strewn on the cutting room floor of memories? When single frames from one magic night forever flicker in close-up on the 3-D Imax of my mind?"

Poetic? Pathetic? We report, you decide.

16. The one about remembering everything and realizing how terrible it all was.

"Rose's Turn," "Gypsy"

Ah, yes. "Rose's Turn." The 11 o'clock number to end all 11 o'clock numbers in "Gypsy," the most musical of all musicals. Truly, there aren't many things more enjoyable than listening to Mama Rose replay the events of the last decade and change inside her own brain in a slow-motion nervous breakdown as the notion that her entire life has been completely worthless gradually dawns on her with ever-increasing dread.

Did I mention how fun musicals are?

Trivia time! You know that thing in music where trumpets go, "Ya da da da daaaa DA. Da DA da DA!" You know that thing? This is the song that thing comes from.

17. The one about remembering the first time you knew what you wanted to be when you grew up.

"Ring of Keys," "Fun Home"

There's nothing better than a song that makes you want to shout: "I am so glad I'm watching a musical instead of a basketball game right now." This moment in "Fun Home," where Alison recalls seeing a delivery woman — the first person who looked like the woman she felt like — is really, really one of them.

"This is a song of identification that is a turning moment, when you think you’re an alien and you hear someone else say, 'Oh, me too,'" composer Jeanine Tesori told Variety. "It’s a gamechanger for Alison. And that’s just Musical Theater 101."

...And the entire audience bursts into happy tears forever.

18. The one about remembering a nice dream you dreamed.

"I Dreamed a Dream," "Les Misérables"

When your life isn't going so great, it's good to remember the positive! Things didn't exactly go super well for Fantine in "Les Mis." But, hey, she had a pretty good dream once!

19. The one about remembering your single greatest regret and vowing to never remember it again.

"Turn It Off," "The Book of Mormon"

What's the ticket to living as fun-loving and guilelessly as the Mormon elders in "The Book of Mormon?" Don't just bury those traumatic, scary, impure memories — CRUSH THEM, OK?!

20. The one about remembering a really successful first date.

"Sarah Brown Eyes," "Ragtime"

Ah, young love. Even in "Ragtime," a musical that features racism, state violence, attempted child murder, and terrorism, at least we have this song, in which Coalhouse Walker Jr. recalls how he got his beloved Sarah to fall truly, madly, deeply in love with him with his peerless piano skills? So romantic.

Gosh, I sure hope those crazy kids work out!

21. The one about remembering a scary dream.

"Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat," "Guys and Dolls"

With, perhaps, only a smidge more credibility than grifter-from-another-mother Professor Harold Hill, "Guys and Dolls'" third-most-degenerate gambler Nicely-Nicely Johnson recalls a terrifying dream where he had to convince a group of skeptical evangelical crusaders that he's decided to give up the dice once and for all.

Side note: People in musicals are unbelievably good at remembering dreams. This is, like, full detail. I'd be like, "Um, I was at the Statue of Liberty, and you were there? I think? It wasn't really you, it was like a combination of you and my dad. And we were in prison. But at the Statue of Liberty."

22. The one about remembering how it used to be when you were young and full of hope instead of old and bitter and jaded.

"Our Time," "Merrily We Roll Along"

The closing number of "Merrily We Roll Along" is actually the first chronologically, since the musical goes backward. It's the play's happiest moment — Frank, Charley, and Mary on a roof watching Sputnik go by, giddily talking about how thrilling, perfect, and successful their futures are going to be. It's so hopeful! But so sad, 'cause you already know all the achingly bittersweet stuff that's going to happen.

Ach! So poignant! I'm dead from poignant.

23. The one about remembering.

"Memory," "Cats"

"Cats." The OG.

All right team, what did I miss?

This article originally appeared on 02.26.16

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One simple word makes children 30% more likely to cooperate. It works on adults, too.

No, it's not 'please.'

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Jonah Berger explains how appealing to someone's identity makes them more likely to agree to a request.

Human psychology really isn't that complicated, if you think about it. Everybody wants to see themselves in a positive light. That’s the key to understanding Jonah Berger’s simple tactic that makes people 30% more likely to do what you ask. Berger is a marketing professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and the bestselling author of “Magic Words: What to Say to Get Your Way.”

Berger explained the technique using a Stanford University study involving preschoolers. The researchers messed up a classroom and made two similar requests to groups of 5-year-olds to help clean up.

One group was asked, "Can you help clean?" The other was asked, “Can you be a helper and clean up?" The kids who were asked if they wanted to be a “helper” were 30% more likely to want to clean the classroom. The children weren’t interested in cleaning but wanted to be known as “helpers.”

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Berger calls the reframing of the question as turning actions into identities.

"It comes down to the difference between actions and identities. We all want to see ourselves as smart and competent and intelligent in a variety of different things,” Berger told Big Think. “But rather than describing someone as hardworking, describing them as a hard worker will make that trait seem more persistent and more likely to last. Rather than asking people to lead more, tell them, 'Can you be a leader?' Rather than asking them to innovate, can you ask them to 'Be an innovator'? By turning actions into identities, you can make people a lot more likely to engage in those desired actions.”

Berger says that learning to reframe requests to appeal to people’s identities will make you more persuasive.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“Framing actions as opportunities to claim desired identities will make people more likely to do them,” Berger tells CNBC Make It. “If voting becomes an opportunity to show myself and others that I am a voter, I’m more likely to do it.”

This technique doesn’t just work because people want to see themselves in a positive light. It also works for the opposite. People also want to avoid seeing themselves being portrayed negatively.

“Cheating is bad, but being a cheater is worse. Losing is bad, being a loser is worse,” Berger says.

The same tactic can also be used to persuade ourselves to change our self-concept. Saying you like to cook is one thing, but calling yourself a chef is an identity. “I’m a runner. I’m a straight-A student. We tell little kids, ‘You don’t just read, you’re a reader,’” Berger says. “You do these things because that’s the identity you hold.”

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Berger’s work shows how important it is to hone our communication skills. By simply changing one word, we can get people to comply with our requests more effectively. But, as Berger says, words are magic and we have to use them skillfully. “We think individual words don’t really matter that much. That’s a mistake,” says Berger. “You could have excellent ideas, but excellent ideas aren’t necessarily going to get people to listen to you.”

This article originally appeared last year. It has since been updated.

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A 92-yr-old former ballet dancer with dementia wrote this achingly beautiful poem about aging

Poetry can help people with dementia find their voice, and the results are incredible.

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"I am still a dancer made of song."

Poetry is an oft-misunderstood, but incredibly powerful art form. Humans have been writing poetry for thousands of years, communicating feelings and ideas in beautiful, powerful ways that prose just can't quite reach. Poetry can be hard to define, but you know it when you see it—or rather, when you feel it.

Emily Dickinson once wrote, “If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.” A poem hits you somewhere—your brain, your heart, your gut. And one poem that packs an incredibly moving punch has come from an unlikely source—an elderly woman with dementia.

elderly woman, dementia, caregiver, poetry, former dancer A woman with dementia wrote a poem with one of her children and it's bringing people to tears. Photo credit: Canva

Poet Joseph Fasano shared a message from a fan who shared that they had brought his book, "The Magic Words: Simple Poetry Prompts That Unlock the Creativity in Everyone," to their mother, a 92-year-old former ballet dancer living with dementia. The mother was excited to write a poem, and they slowly worked through a prompt from the book together aloud.

This poem was the result:

"Let the days be warm

Let the fall be long.

Let every child inside me find her shoes

and dance wildly, softly, toward the world.

I have a story I have never told

Once, when I was small,

I looked up at the sky and saw the wind

and knew I was a dancer made of song.

I am still a dancer made of song."

Wow. What a testament to the power of poetry to reach beyond our usual modes of communication, which dementia so cruelly disrupts. In a few simple lines, we're able to see this woman as she might see herself, as the human living under the veils of age and disease: "I am still a dancer made of song."

Poetry prompts can help people express themselves

The person who shared the poem thanked Fasano for "helping people find their voices," which is exactly what his book of poetry prompts was meant to do.

The Magic Words book by Joseph Fasano, poetry prompts "The Magic Words" is a book of poetry prompts from Joseph Fasano. Amazon


In the book's introduction, Fasano shares that he'd been invited to speak to a class of second graders in New Jersey in 2022 to share "the craft and magic of poetry." As part of his efforts, he came up with a poetry prompt that could "help guide their imaginations" and "unlock the images, thoughts and feelings inside them, without asking them to worry about how to structure a poem." He called the results "astonishing." When he shared one of the students' poems on social media, it and the prompt took off like wildfire, as people who never thought of themselves as poets felt empowered to share their imaginations within that framework.

From 7-year-olds to 92-year-olds, anyone can benefit from the self-expression that poetry facilitates, but many people feel hesitant or intimidated by the idea of writing a poem. Fasano writes, "Poetry is what happens when we let ourselves be," and this idea seems so clear than in the former dancer's poem above. Dementia can create roadblocks, but poetry provides a different avenue of communication.

Caregivers try many different ways to communicate with people living with dementia. Photo credit: Canva

The arts can be a powerful tool for people with dementia

Using poetry to help dementia patients communicate and express themselves isn't just wishful thinking. Studies have demonstrated that cultural arts interventions, including poetry specifically, can be beneficial for people with dementia. In fact, the Alzheimer's Poetry Project (APP) aims to use poetry as a means of improving the quality of life of people living with dementia by facilitating creative expression. "We do not set boundaries in our beliefs in what possible for people with memory impairment to create," the APP website states. "By saying to people with dementia, we value you and your creativity; we are saying we value all members of our community."

Fasano has shared that a team of doctors has begun using his poetry prompts to "give people with dementia a voice again."

Poet Gary Glazner, who founded APP, shared a story with WXPR radio about how he came up with the idea while studying poetry at Sonoma State University:

“I applied for a grant and got a grant to work at an adult care program. The moment I love to share with people is there was a guy in the group, head down, not participating and I said the Longfellow poem. ‘I shot an arrow into the air’ and his eyes popped open and he said, ‘It fell to earth I know not where.’ And suddenly he was with us and participating. It was just this powerful moment to see how poetry could be of use to elders but specifically with people with dementia."

Whether we read it, write it, speak it or hear it, poetry has the power to reach people of all ages in all kinds of mysterious ways.

You can follow Joseph Fasano on Twitter and Instagram, and find his books on Amazon.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Woman's whimsical 'Wheel of Fortune' guess is so bad it made her an instant legend

People prefer her guess to the actual answer.

@Rick_Life_Coach/X

Can you solve this "Wheel of Fortune" puzzle?

Watching a game show from the comfort of home is easy. Being on one is a totally different ball game. The lights, the cameras, the pressure. It's enough to make anyone's brain freeze up. And is there any game show that allows contestants to royally embarrass themselves on national TV quite like Wheel of Fortune? There’s always someone going viral for taking a big swing and missing on a phrase that seemed pretty apparent to the casual viewer. And when you take a big loss on a WOF word puzzle, there are a lot of folks shaking their heads at home. More than 8 million people watch the game show every night. Yikes.

One rather notorious of the wheel was Gishma Tabari from Encino, California, whose fantasy-inspired whiff of a common phrase back in 2023 earned her a lot of groans and some support from those who thought her imagination was inspiring. The 3-word puzzle read: “TH _ _ RITI _ S _ GR _ E,” and Tabari offered the answer, “The British Ogre.” The guess surprised host Pat Sajak, who responded, "Uh, no.” Tabari must have missed that there was a space between the R and the E in the puzzle, so ogre would have had to be spelled with 2 Rs.

She also probably wasn’t aware that England isn’t a place known for its ogres. The correct answer was: “The Critics Agree.”

The answer inspired a lot of activity on X, where people couldn’t believe someone could come up with such a fanciful answer to a puzzle with such a straightforward solution.







One person even created a lovely image of what could be the British Ogre.

Although…not everyone had a problem with the guess.

"OK, the puzzle was clearly THE CRITICS AGREE but to be honest I prefer THE BRITISH OGRE because the puzzles could use some more wacky originality sometimes.#WheelOfFortune"— Pasha Paterson (@zer0bandwidth) December 13, 2023

On the bright side, the incorrect guess is an opportunity for the world to learn that ogres aren’t a significant part of English folklore. Sure, there are characters in English myths and legends that have ogre-like qualities, such as Grendel from "Beowulf," the monstrous creature that terrorizes the mead hall of King Hrothgar. There’s also the Boggart, a mischievous spirit much like a hobgoblin and trolls, which appear in some English tales although they originate in Scandinavia.

If you’re looking for ogres in Europe, France is the best place to go.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The word ogre is of French descent and comes from the name of the Etruscan god of the underworld, Orcus. Orcus is a large, ugly, bearded giant who enjoys consuming human flesh. Ogres are primarily known for eating children, which they believe will give them eternal life.

As for Wheel of Fortune, the show will undergo significant changes over the next few years. The show’s host, Pat Sajak, 76, stepped down from the show at the end of the 2024 season after hosting it for 41 years. In September 2024, radio host and “American Idol” emcee Ryan Seacrest took over the hosting spot.

Although, it was just announced that Sajak would be making a special guest appearance on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune, performing what he called "Final Spin."

And in case you're wondering how Tabari is doing: on her Instagram she wears her "Wheel of Fortune Flub Girl" title with pride, declaring she is "British Ogre for life."

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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​School threatens mom with CPS after missed calls when child was sick. They never called dad.

Other parents echo the mom's frustration and offer support.

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School threatens mom with CPS after missed calls. They never called dad.

Being the default parent can be tough all on its own, but society places an additional burden on mothers to be the default parent. One of the places this shows up is in phone calls home from school. One mom claims that the school threatened to call Child Protective Services (CPS) on her if she did not answer her phone and retrieve her child from school. But the mother works a job where she is not permitted to have her phone on her person, which is why she has the child's father listed as the first contact.

Every year parents register their children for school, they fill out a form for emergency contacts and people permitted to pick up your child in the event a parent can't be there. Parents generally take great pains to fill this information out as accurately as possible, with the preferred parent at the top. This is to ensure the child is never stranded on school grounds if a parent cannot be reached.

default parent; parenting; mom; dad; motherhood; fatherhood; school calls CPS Student daydreaming during class lecture.Photo credit: Canva

Even when parents are divorced or were never married, typically, both the mother and father are listed. Yet schools often default to the mother, no matter what the circumstance. In cases of split custody, the school is generally given a copy of the custody agreement, and the teachers are often made aware of which week or days belong to which parent. In the event the teacher gets things mixed up, most children will inform the teacher which parent to call if they're sick or need to be picked up earlier than usual.

While parents work to coordinate, schools seem to fall into the societal expectation that the mother of the child is the default parent, throwing all instruction out the window. In the original post shared on Reddit, the frustrated mom explains that the school called her a whopping 16 times, though they're aware that her job does not allow her to have her phone. She thought there was some sort of tragedy. Never once between those 16 phone calls did they bother to call her husband.

default parent; parenting; mom; dad; motherhood; fatherhood; school calls CPS Cozy nap time: catching some Z's on the couch.Photo credit: Canva

"I assume she’s been hospitalized or there’s been an active shooter. Something horrible that warrants sixteen calls to the parent they were told not to call. I call the school frantically before even looking at my voice mail and find that they called me because she threw up. Threw up. Blood? Nope. Regular throw up. But because I didn’t answer this woman considered it ‘abandonment’ and made a call to CPS. I asked if they’d called my husband. Nope. Just me! And I didn’t answer, which isn’t allowed."

I've experienced this personally, minus threatening to call CPS. My job requires me to travel to Los Angeles at least once per year. During that timeframe, I inform the teacher in writing that I will be out of town and that my husband will be the primary point of contact for our son. Still, it never fails: at least once while I'm away, I receive a message on Class Dojo informing me of a paper that needs to be signed, a missing library book, or some other trivial thing.

default parent; parenting; mom; dad; motherhood; fatherhood; school calls CPS Focused work in a modern, plant-filled office space.Photo credit: Canva

When this happens, I become the middleman instead of the teacher, going directly to the "parent on duty." This phenomenon appears to be common, given the response to the woman's post, and it's driving both moms and dads insane.

One frustrated mom laments, "You know how many times I’ve had the school say 'your daughters sick' ok, well she’s at her dads house this week and I’m at work 'yeah, your daughter said she was at her dads, but figured you’d want to know' ok well her dad and I do actually talk soo… if she’s not dying, call the right parent??"

A military mom shares, "I was literally deployed and they tried calling me. Sure, that's going to work. Let me just tell my superiors that the school doesn't think I should be deployed when my kid has a fever."

default parent; parenting; mom; dad; motherhood; fatherhood; school calls CPS Multitasking mom: working, baby in arms, and a curious pup.Photo credit: Canva

One dad says he struggles with getting the school to call him first, "I'm supposed to be our main contact. They have my phone number, can text me, we have the school app (like 4 different ones!), they have my work number. I have always been the one in the office, I have always been the one to call them. Annnnnnd; they call my wife"

Another parent says, "It seems like this is common, I work at a car dealership and my wife is a nurse so it's obviously easier for me to leave work. We put my number as the primary contact and they'd still call her, we went as far as to not give her phone number and only give mine and they've still gone out of their way to find her number and call her instead. Now she's the primary contact since that's what they're going to do anyways."

default parent; parenting; mom; dad; motherhood; fatherhood; school calls CPS Caretaker comforts an unwell child with a thermal strip on her forehead.Photo credit: Canva

This dad is the primary parent and the school still doesn't call him: "It’s an absolute fight to get them to call me. I have my kids 2/3 of the time, take them to all appointments and extracurriculars, pack all the lunches, pick them up when there’s an emergency, sign all the paperwork, volunteer in their school and they STILL ALWAYS call their mom."

Clearly, this is societal stereotype that should be put to bed. Dads have become more involved as a whole as each decade passes, splitting domestic labor with their parenting partner more equitably. There are plenty of very capable fathers who care for their children just as well, if not better in some cases, than the mother.

Thankfully, in the case of the original Reddit post, the mother doesn't believe the school actually called CPS, but her experiences highlight the need for a shift in perspective when it comes to who can be the primary parent.

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There are 3 central types of empathy and we all need to understand them much better

Here's what cognitive, emotional, and compassionate empathy mean.

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Empathy is different than sympathy.

Is empathy a real thing? Is it even possible to feel what another person feels if you've not experienced what they are going through? What differentiates it from sympathy or compassion?

While sympathy and empathy are often interchanged and overlap in meaning, the way the words are used differs. If we're looking dictionary definitions, Merriam-Webster sums up the differences:

Sympathy is a feeling of sincere concern for someone who is experiencing something difficult or painful. Empathy involves actively sharing in the person’s emotional experience.

In other words, sympathy is feeling for someone, while empathy is feeling with someone. While some might feel it's impossible to feel empathy for a person if you haven't experienced exactly what they have, that's not really an accurate depiction of what empathy entails. Digging into the three types of empathy—cognitive, emotional, and compassionate—may help us understand.

Cognitive Empathy

The word "cognitive" refers to "conscious intellectual activity (such as thinking, reasoning, or remembering)" and cognitive empathy is "the ability to identify and understand emotions of others."

Essentially, cognitive empathy means we can look at a person's experience, use our intellect to imagine what it would feel like, and form an understanding of how the person is feeling. For instance, let's say your friend's dog died and you've never even had a dog. If you have knowledge of how close the bond can be between a human and a dog, and you've seen how much your friend loved their dog, you can imagine how they are feeling. You don't have to have lost a dog yourself in order to imagine yourself having a close bond with dog and losing them.

empathy, cognitive empathy, sympathy, compassion, emotions Cognitive empathy involves understanding how others feel.Photo credit: Canva

Another example of cognitive empathy is when you see a refugee finally get resettled after fleeing a war zone and sitting for years in limbo and being able to understand their feelings of relief and hope. You don't have to have lived with war or waited years for safety and security in order to understand the feelings those experiences would evoke.

Cognitive empathy allows us to connect with others through an understanding of emotions. It says, "I can see things through your eyes and understand why you feel the way you do."

Emotional Empathy

What sets emotional empathy apart from cognitive empathy is the role our own emotions play. Emotional empathy isn't just understanding; it's experiencing the emotions of the other person. If your friend whose dog died starts to cry and you start to cry, too, that's emotional empathy. If you see the relief on the face of the refugee and find your shoulders dropping and your heart rate slowing and a feeling of calm come over you, that's emotional empathy.

empathy, emotional empathy, affective empathy, compassion, emotions Emotional or affective empathy means feeling what another feels.Photo credit: Canva

Emotional empathy doesn't necessarily mean you've experienced what the other person is experiencing, but rather that you share the emotions of the other person in response to their experience. Tearing up when others cry, feeling joyous when others celebrate, getting angry when others are mad—all manifestations of emotional empathy.

While emotional empathy (also known as affective empathy) can creates strong connections with people, it can also be exhausting if it's not kept in check.

Compassionate Empathy

While sometimes wrapped into the former two, compassionate empathy differs in that it's marked by a desire to act. When you understand a person's feelings and/or feel along with them and want to do something to alleviate their pain or suffering, that's compassionate empathy (sometimes also called "empathic concern").

Let's say you met that refugee while they were still in limbo and afraid for their future. Compassionate empathy might lead you to look for programs that could help them or to volunteer with refugee organizations to help others in similar circumstances.

Empathy helps us connect with our fellow humans and encourages social cohesion. Without empathy, it's much easier to turn a blind eye to injustice and suffering.

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Understanding empathy is important not only for connecting with others going through a difficult time, but for all relationships with others in our lives. For instance, psychologist Dr. Daniel Goleman explains the three types of empathy in the context of leadership and why having all three creates the best foundation for effective leadership.

“In general, empathy is a powerful predictor of things we consider to be positive behaviors that benefit society, individuals, and relationships,” Karina Schumann, PhD, a professor of social psychology at the University of Pittsburgh, told Upworthy. “Scholars have shown across domains that empathy motivates many types of prosocial behaviors, such as forgiveness, volunteering, and helping, and that it’s negatively associated with things like aggression and bullying.”

Empathy comes more naturally to some than others, especially considering these three manifestations of it, but it's a skill that everyone can cultivate. The American Psychological Association suggests multiple ways people can consciously boost their empathy:

- Expose yourself to differences (which helps to provide more context for other people's perspectives)

- Read more fiction (character-driven stories can help us better understand people's thoughts, feelings, and motivations)

- Harness oxytocin (increase this social hormone through more eye contact and soft physical touch)

- Identify common ground (the more we see ourselves in others the more easily we find empathy)

- Ask questions (the more we know about one another, the better we understand)

- Know your blocks (learn where you struggle with empathy and work through those struggles)

- Second-guess yourself (stay humble and open to learning, questioning your negative assumptions about people)

A world with more empathy benefits us all in the long run, so it's worth understanding what it entails and how to cultivate it in ourselves.

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