+
“A balm for the soul”
  review on Goodreads
GOOD PEOPLE Book
upworthy
Family

The moving reason a mom and daughter teamed up to tackle bullying in schools.

'So many kids are afraid to tell for fear it will get worse. I always tell them it won’t get better if they don’t ask for help.'

True
Hasbro Be Fearless Be Kind

When Morgan Guess was 8 years old, she began to be bullied mercilessly by another third grade girl.

Mary — what Morgan calls the girl to protect her identity — was new in school, but immediately started tormenting her. She'd pinch Morgan's neck, pull her hair, she'd even lead her around everywhere. It was like Mary had claimed Morgan as her personal pet.

And despite the obvious distress the situation was causing her, Morgan didn't tell anyone about her tormentor.


Morgan Guess. Photo courtesy of Susan Guess.

"I didn't tell anyone because I thought it would get worse," admits Morgan in an email.

However, faltering academic performance and a string of panic attacks and stomach spasms put her mom, Susan, on high alert.

"She was afraid and so was I," shares Susan. "Morgan had never experienced violence and she didn't know what to do with it."

Susan called the school, and together they came up with a plan that mainly consisted of keeping the two girls apart. Needless to say, it wasn't full-proof.

The school never addressed the issue outright, and as such, the plan just ended up isolating Morgan, and Mary still found ways to get to her. This sent Morgan down a depressive spiral for which she was prescribed antidepressants, all before reaching age 10.

When Morgan's doctor suggested she leave school, Morgan knew she had to come at the issue from a different direction.

Morgan wearing a T-Shirt from the Guess Anti-Bullying Foundation. Photo courtesy of Susan Guess.

"My parents told me pretty early on that bad things are going to happen and I could choose to ignore them, I could blame others, or I could choose to do something about it," writes Morgan.

So, together with her mom, Morgan decided to find a way to change how bullying is addressed in schools.

They did this by focusing on the overarching problem rather than a specific bully or school system, and that started with getting kids to open up about their bullying experiences. To get the ball rolling, they brought a few speakers to their town who are well-versed on the subject, including Jodee Blanco, author of "Please Stop Laughing at Us," and Lee Hirsch, director of the documentary "Bully."

Slowly but surely, kids began to feel comfortable sharing their stories. And the response lit a fire under mom and daughter.

Morgan Guess. Photo courtesy of Susan Guess.

"We saw kids stand up and talk about cutting, about not being heard, not being believed, and we knew we had to do more," writes Susan. "Morgan wasn't alone and these kids were waiting for someone to speak up, to stand up for them."

While Mary transferred to another school after third grade thereby ending Morgan's personal bullying crisis, she was now committed to protecting as many kids as possible from a similar experience.

Morgan and her mom knew the issue was much bigger than their small town of Paducah, Kentucky. That's why they began petitioning their governor to make a change.

Over the next three years, they worked on getting the state to appoint a statewide task force to study the effects of bullying and share best practices for coping with it. At the end of it, both Morgan and Susan served as members on it. Morgan was by far the youngest at just 11 years old.

Eventually the task force introduced the official Kentucky anti-bullying bill to the House of Representatives, and asked Morgan to give her personal testimony as support for it. The bill clearly defines bullying as any unwanted verbal, physical, or social behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance and is repeated or has the potential to be related. This makes it harder for bullying to go undetected. It passed the house with an overwhelming 39 votes to 1.

Morgan speaking on behalf of anti-bullying at a Commonwealth of Kentucky press conference. Photo courtesy of Susan Guess.

It was a pivotal experience for Morgan.

"I think she will run for office one day, and I think she will propose additional legislation," says Susan.

Until then, however, she's doing what she can in her hometown.

On the local front, mom and daughter have been spearheading a number of bold anti-bullying initiatives.

Every August, they run a Kindness Color Walk to remind the community the importance of being kind at the start of the school year.

Two participants in the Kindness Color Walk. Photo courtesy of Susan Guess.

In 2016, they got their community to write 12,000 letters of encouragement to kids in school. They also hosted a #bekindpaducah mural tagging event, which allowed people all over the world to write positive messages and tag anyone who might need them.

And today, Morgan's working on opening a mental health drop-in center for kids who need counseling.

It's no surprise, considering all of the above, that Morgan was named one of ten Hasbro Community Action Heroes, part of the company's BE FEARLESS BE KIND initiative to empower kids to have the empathy, compassion and courage to stand up for others and be inclusive throughout their lives. The award recognizes young people who are doing just that, and making a difference in their communities.

Morgan (center) with Hasbro Community Action Heroes Josh Kaplan (Left), and Zachary Rice (Right) in New York City. Photo courtesy of Hasbro.

Earlier this year, Morgan joined the nine other Hasbro Community Action Heroes in New York City where they developed a pledge to inspire others to “be fearless and kind.” Youth, parents and caring adults can now take that pledge and learn about ways to put their empathy into action as part of the YSA’s Kindness Rising campaign.

And Morgan's work is far from finished.

When she first started this, Kentucky led the nation in teen suicide attempts. She hopes their efforts have helped lower that number, but more specifically, she hopes they've helped give kids the courage to speak out.

Morgan at the #bekindpaducah mural event. Photo courtesy of Susan Guess.

"So many kids are afraid to tell for fear it will get worse," says Morgan, "I always tell them it won’t get better if they don’t ask for help."

No one knows that better than Morgan herself.

"We have to work together to make schools kinder places, but we also have to know our rights and we need to insist on safe and inclusive schools and communities," she explains.

No doubt Morgan will continue to advocate against bullying as she comes into adulthood, and her mother couldn't be prouder.

"We often talk about how when we push through our fears, there is something beautiful on the other side. My hope is that she will take risks and dig deep to find the courage, always, to stand up for someone in need"

Learn more about the Be Fearless Be Kind pledge here:

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

It's a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids.

The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones.

The bad news? One phrase:

"When are you bringing them over?"

Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

Now they're sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to "bring the kids to them."

"My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them," she writes. They constantly ask, "Why don't you bring our granddaughter to come see us?"

The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

Grandparents' houses are rarely childproofed

Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can't get enough. And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they've earned the right!) that doesn't make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

Ceramic bowlsThe breakable decor found in every grandparents' houseozalee.fr/Flickr

"Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture," the Reddit mom writes.

Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

Let's be honest. Sometimes these "visits" are hardly worth the effort. After all, it's hard to get much catch up time when you're dutifully chasing your kid around.

"They don’t understand that my 3 yo ... is absolutely wild," writes another user in the thread. "She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then ... they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit."

Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

It seems easy to "pop over" but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath.

Naps and routines go to hell

Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

Chances are, the baby won't nap in a strange environment and then you're stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night.

Kids with special needs require even more consistency

Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors.

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

man in gray sweater sitting beside woman in black and white floral long sleeve shirt Photo by Tim Kilby on Unsplash

Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

"Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect," says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

But that's not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

Plus, it's easy to forget that it's hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

"But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids' moods and routines," Slavens says.

"So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face."

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

"First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young," suggests Slavens.

"Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan."

Ultimately, it's a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids.

We all have the same goal.

"It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are ... willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren."

Enjoyable, low-stress quality time — that's something everyone can get behind.

Parenting

Mom tears up sharing the perfect parenting advice she received from a complete stranger

Sometimes the we get exactly what we need from the unlikeliest of places.

@_stephmorrison/TikTok

May we all get this kind of encouragement from time to time

Parents often get unsolicited commentary that however well intended ultimately does more harm than good. This is especially true for those times when complete strangers kindly remind parents of how hectic and demanding their post-baby lives must be. Cause nothing eases the mind quite like being told how stressful things are.

But this story is the opposite of all that. In a now-viral TikTok, mom Steph Morrison shared that she had been on a walk with her newborn when an older man approached her, and instead of giving her the classic platitude of “you must have your hands full” he offered the exact encouragement she needed in that moment.

It was so perfect, in fact, that Morrison immediately began crying as she repeated it in her video.


“Wow…you’re going to have a lot of fun.”

It was such a simple statement, yet so poignantly refreshing. And made all the more touching since Morrsion could see this man’s memories of parenthood “flash” through his own eyes while giving the compliment.

Watch:


@_stephmorrison_ I never would have guessed what the man would say nor did I ever predict tears would roll down my face like they did. Thankful for this sweet glimmer from God 🫶🏼✨ #momspiration #momsoftiktok #momsover30 #quotesforyou #momquotes #postpartumjourney #postpartumlife #happywords #happinessbegins #creatorsearchinsights ♬ take a moment to breathe. - normal the kid

This man’s words didn’t only strike a chord with Morrison, but literally thousands of other parents who viewed her video.

“The way I burst into tears hearing that 💛,” wrote one person.

Another shared, “As an overstimulated single momma of two, thank you for shifting my perspective.”

Many were inspired to share their own experiences of getting unexpected but oh-so needed encouragement from a stranger.

“An older man in the grocery store stopped me when my son was 8 months old and said ‘young enough to still talk to the angels, put in a good word for me!’” said one person.

“My only son is 7 months. I can’t have anymore kids due to life threatening complications at birth. The other day a man said to me ‘he gets to have you all to himself, isn’t that so special?’ I cried,” said another.

Parenting isn’t easy (then again, many of the most worthwhile things in life aren't). But it’s those small, pure moments of bliss that make it undeniable special. Those are the moments we need to hold onto. As Morrision put it, “It’s the right vibe and energy to bring to motherhood.”

It’s not possible to always hold onto this positive vibe, which is what makes kind words from a stranger truly miraculous gifts. So the next time you see a parent in the throes of childrearing, maybe take a page from this man’s book and remind them of the joy that is ever present.

A guy having a collaborative conversation.

The quickest way to stop having a constructive dialog with someone is when they become defensive. This usually results in them digging in their heels and making you defensive. This can result in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior that can feel impossible to break. Once that happens, the walls go up, the gloves come off and resolving the situation becomes tough.

Amanda Ripley, author of “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out,” says in her book that you can prevent someone you disagree with from becoming defensive by being curious about their opinion.

Ripley is a bestselling author and the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict.


How to have a constructive conversation

Let’s say you believe the room should be painted red and your spouse says it should be blue. Instead of saying, “I think blue is ugly,” you can say, “It’s interesting that you say that…” and ask them to explain why they chose blue.

The key phrase is: “It’s interesting that you say that…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsPeople coming to an agreement. via Canva/Photos

When you show the other person that you genuinely care about their thoughts and appreciate their reasoning, they let down their guard. This makes them feel heard and encourages them to hear your side as well. This approach also encourages the person you disagree with to consider coming up with a collaborative solution instead of arguing to defend their position.

It’s important to assume the other person has the best intentions while listening to them make their case. “To be genuinely curious, we need to refrain from judgment and making negative assumptions about others. Assume the other person didn’t intend to annoy you. Assume they are doing the best they can. Assume the very best about them. You’ll appreciate it when others do it for you,” Kaitlyn Skelly at The Ripple Effect Education writes.

Phrases you can use to avoid an argument

The curiosity approach can also involve affirming the other person’s perspective while adding your own, using a phrase like, “On the one hand, I see what you’re saying. On the other hand…”

Here are some other phrases you can use:

“I wonder if…”

“It’s interesting that you say that because I see it differently…”

“I might be wrong, but…”

“How funny! I had a different reaction…”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that! For me, though, it seems…”

“I think I understand your point, though I look at it a little differently…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsTwo men high-fiving one another.via Canva/Photos

What's the best way to disagree with people?

A 2016 study from Yale University supports Ripley’s ideas. The study found that when people argue to “win,” they take a hard line and only see one correct answer in the conflict. Whereas those who want to “learn” are more likely to see that there is more than one solution to the problem. At that point, competition magically turns into collaboration.

“Being willing to hear out other perspectives and engage in dialogue that isn’t simply meant to convince the other person you’re right can lead to all sorts of unexpected insights,” psychologist and marketing Professor at Southern Methodist University tells CNBC.

In a world of strong opinions and differing perspectives, curiosity can be a superpower that helps you have more constructive conversations with those with whom you disagree. All it takes is a little humility and an open mind, and you can turn conflict into collaboration, building bridges instead of walls.

Holly the delivery nurse.

After working six years as a labor and delivery nurse Holly, 30, has heard a lot of inappropriate remarks made by men while their partners are in labor. “Sometimes the moms think it’s funny—and if they think it’s funny, then I’ll laugh with them,” Holly told TODAY Parents. “But if they get upset, I’ll try to be the buffer. I’ll change the subject.”

Some of the comments are so wrong that she did something creative with them by turning them into “inspirational” quotes and setting them to “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton on TikTok.

“Some partners are hard to live up to!” she jokingly captioned the video.


The first video featured the following facepalm-inducing quotes:

“I think you should just get a C-section. This is taking too long.”

“How long is this gonna take? I have plans this weekend.”

“Are you sure you want an epidural? My mom didn’t have one. Before you make a decision, we should talk about it.”

“Sew an extra stitch down there for me, doc. We want everything just the way it was before all of this.”

@hollyd_rn

Part 1: Some partners are hard to live up to! Get you a good one #laboranddelivery #labor

It’s unbelievable that anyone would make such selfish comments while their partner is in the throes of giving birth. Anyone who would ask, “How long is this gonna take?” definitely isn’t prepared to raise a child.

Some TikTok users thought that these women should have left their partners right there in the delivery room.

"LOL immediate divorce, I'm not joking," Rig wrote. Little_n_often agreed saying, "I’d be getting the divorce papers ready."

“I would sign the divorce papers while in labor and pushing,” another commenter wrote.

The video was a massive hit on TikTok, receiving over 10 million views. So, the nurse followed it up with a sequel where she shared more “inspirational” delivery room quotes from men.

@hollyd_rn

Part 2: some partners are hard to live up to! Get you a good one! #laboranddelivery #babydaddy #labor

"Wake me up when the baby gets here I'm tired." (Rolls over, puts cover over head and slept thru the birth of his baby.)

"Can you move to the birthing ball so I can sleep in the bed?"

(As the patient is pushing) "Do you guys do DNA tests here? My mom wants me to get one before we leave."

"Call me when you're about to have the baby. I'm gonna go with [name redacted] to the bar and watch the game."

Holly also told TODAY Parents that men should also keep their thoughts on pain medication to themselves and to stop looking at the contraction monitor and making comments.

“She can feel it!” Holly said. “You don’t need to ask her if she felt it. Trust me, she did.”

Holly’s public airing of men’s bad behavior had to be therapeutic, because, as a nurse, she can’t tell them off in the delivery room. But it's also a warning to men out there on how not to behave when their partners are giving birth. If there was ever a time in the world to stop thinking about yourself, it’s while your partner is giving birth.

Remember guys, think before you say anything in the delivery room, the nurses are listening.


This article first appeared on 09.23.22

@yourejustliz/TikTok

“Nice is different than kind."

It might have been pretty universally accepted during our childhood for daughters to be expected to reciprocate affection from adults, whether they liked it or not. A non consensual kiss to grandparents here, a forced “thank you” there. But times have changed.

However, this change in parenting style can sometimes make for some, well, awkward or even downright uncomfortable situations as moms and dads try to advocate for this kid’s autonomy.

Recently, a mom named Liz Kindred detailed just such an incident with her six year old daughter, which has a whole lotta other parents discussing how to navigate these unideal interactions.


As she recalls in a video posted to TikTok, Kindred was waiting in line with her daughter when a grown man turned around and said “My goodness, you sure are pretty” to the child.

“My six-year-old is gorgeous, yes, but she is also very in tune and perceptive, and she's an introvert so she grabbed my leg really tight,” Kindred said.

Doubling down, the man repeated himself, saying “You sure are pretty. Look at those blue eyes,” which only made her shy daughter grab her leg harder.

Noting that being in a 12 step program has taught her to be less “knee jerk reactionary,” the mom bit her tongue and offered a polite smile to the man, hoping that would be the end of it. It wasn’t.



“He's a boomer and, God love him, he said, ‘I guess your mom didn't teach you manners.’ And I let out an uncomfortable little [chuckle], and the pause was long. It was long. And under his breath he said, ‘Guess not,’” she said.

In what she called the most ”Jesus loving way” she could muster, while still bluntly making her point, Kindred told the man "If you assume that I didn't teach my six-year-old daughter to say ‘thank you’ to a grown, consenting man when he compliments her appearance, then you would be correct."

What followed was the “longest silence” of Kindred’s life.

The video, which has been viewed over 6 million times now, prompted a ton of parents to share how their own kids have established boundaries in similar situations—with their support, of course.

“An old man called my 4 yr old daughter a sweetheart at the store…she boldly responded ‘I am NOT YOUR sweetheart!’ I was so proud,” on person recalled.

Another added, “My 3 year old says ‘NO THANK YOU MY BODY DOESN’T LIKE TAHT.’”

Still another said “My 2 yo knows the boundaries song and just starts singing that anytime someone talks to her.”

While the response to Kindred’s video was overwhelmingly positive, there were a few comments defending the man as simply being “kind.” This prompted Kindred to do a follow-up video doubling down on her decision.

In the clip, she shared how she herself has dealt with seemingly innocent compliments in her life from men, which later turned into something else. Feeling like she “didn’t have a voice” to say something, “because I’m a nice Christian, Southern girl,” Kindred ended up being in unsavory situations (she didn't explicitly say what those situations were, but it's easy enough to piece together). She doesn’t want her daughter to have the same issues.


“Nice is different than kind. The kind thing to do is to teach our daughters and our children in this next generation that when you are uncomfortable with something you listen to your body and you set a firm boundary with that and you provide language around that. And you start that really really young.”

Yep. Well said.


This article originally appeared on 8.8.24