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The Anne Frank Center is going after Trump for his weak condemnation of anti-Semitism.

'Too little, too late.'

For months, the Anne Frank Center for Mutual Respect has issued statement after statement condemning the Trump administration.

Since entering the political fray, Donald Trump has gotten into his share of unexpected feuds. Whether he's battling the cast of "Hamilton," declaring the free press to be the "enemy" of the American people, hanging up on the prime minister of Australia, or reviewing the latest episode of "Saturday Night Live," there's no shortage of "Oh-my-God-I-cannot-believe-the-president-of-the-United-States-is-doing-this" drama to go around.

But while most of these feuds are blown-up distractions from larger issues, there's at least one that deserves more attention: Trump versus the Anne Frank Center for Mutual Respect.

Photo by Tim Sloan/AFP/Getty Images.

When Trump compared the CIA to Nazi Germany, AFC Executive Director Steven Goldstein called Trump's words "a despicable insult to Holocaust survivors around the world and to the nation he is about to lead." And as Trump unveiled plans for a southern border wall and large-scale travel ban, Goldstein accused the president of "driving our nation off a moral cliff."

THE STATUE OF LIBERTY WEEPSAS PRESIDENT TRUMP TARGETSMEXICANS AND MUSLIMSStatement of Steven Goldstein, Executive...

Posted by Anne Frank Center for Mutual Respect on Wednesday, January 25, 2017

The president has earned the organization's ire mostly for what he hasn't done — especially when it comes to threats against the Jewish community.

Over the past several months, Jewish Community Centers around the country have experienced a sharp uptick in bomb threats. In fact, just this year, JCC locations in 27 states and one Canadian province have received nearly 70 threats — all without a word from Trump.

Rabbi Hershey Novack walks through Chesed Shel Emeth Cemetery, where almost 200 gravestones were vandalized over the weekend. Photo by Robert Cohen/St. Louis Post-Dispatch via AP.

The closest Trump came to addressing the issue — which quite rightfully has members of the Jewish community feeling alarmed — came in a tense exchange during last week's wild press conference. Jake Turx of Ami Magazine, an Orthodox Jewish weekly, tried to ask Trump about how the administration planned to respond to bomb threats. Trump cut him off, saying it was "not a fair question," and responded: "So here's the story, folks. Number 1, I am the least anti-Semitic person that you've ever seen in your entire life. Number 2, racism. The least racist person. In fact, we did very well relative to other people running as a Republican."

The response was bizarre, in part because Turx had prefaced his question by saying he didn't believe Trump or his staff were anti-Semitic. Trump responded as if it were a personal attack, and he went on to accuse "the other side" of carrying out these threats.

"But let me just tell you something: I hate the charge," Trump added, responding as though he had been personally accused of anti-Semitism. "I find it repulsive. I hate even the question because people that know me — and you heard the prime minister, you heard Benjamin Netanyahu, did you hear him, Bibi? He said, 'I've known Donald Trump for a long time,' and then he said, 'Forget it.' So you should take that instead of having to get up and ask a very insulting question like that."

On Monday night, White House Deputy Press Secretary Lindsay Walters finally condemned the threats against JCCs using some especially vague language.

"Hatred and hate-motivated violence of any kind have no place in a country founded on the promise of individual freedom. The President has made it abundantly clear that these actions are unacceptable," said Walters.

Combined with the White House's decision to omit any mention of Jewish victims in its official Holocaust Remembrance Day statement, it comes off a bit like the administration is taking steps not to offend white nationalists, neo-Nazis, and members of the so-called "alt-right" who do possess anti-Semitic worldviews.

People protest the appointment of former Breitbart News head Steve Bannon to be chief strategist of the White House. Photo by David McNew/AFP/Getty Images.

The Trump administration may not be actively encouraging anti-Semitic violence, but it's not exactly going out of its way to discourage it, either — at least in strong terms.

In June of last year, the day after the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando, Florida, Trump called on President Obama to resign for refusing to acknowledge what Trump saw as the cause of it. "President Obama disgracefully refused to even say the words 'Radical Islam.' For that reason alone, he should step down," Trump said.

Using that same logic, why won't Trump denounce these attacks by name? Why won't he directly address the victims of this terrorism? Why can't Donald Trump denounce white supremacy and white nationalism?

On Tuesday, Trump traveled to the National Museum of African American History and Culture. There, he finally addressed the threats against the Jewish community.

"The anti-Semitic threats targeting our Jewish community and community centers are horrible and are painful and a very sad reminder of the work that still must be done to root out hate and prejudice and evil," Trump said.

GIF from the White House/YouTube.

The AFC, however, isn't letting Trump off the hook that easy, calling his statement "a Band-Aid on the cancer of Antisemitism that has infected his own Administration."

While Trump has now at least acknowledged the problem, he still hasn't said anything about how he plans to address it.

"Do not make us Jews settle for crumbs of condescension. What are you going to do about anti-Semitism in [the] White House?" the AFC tweeted.

MR. PRESIDENT, YOUR TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE ACKNOWLEGMENT OF #Antisemitism TODAY IS NOT ENOUGH. Statement of Steven...

Posted by Anne Frank Center for Mutual Respect on Tuesday, February 21, 2017

And they're right. Trump hasn't put forward a plan to address anti-Semitic violence. In fact, there's been talk that the administration may actually rebrand the government's Countering Violent Extremism program as the Countering Islamic Extremism program. Funds that would ordinarily go toward countering neo-Nazis and white supremacists may no longer be available. The singular focus on Muslim extremists could very well make the rise of white supremacist and anti-Semitic groups even worse.

While so much remains up in the air, we can count on the Anne Frank Center for Mutual Respect to keep it real and put pressure on the White House to do the right thing.

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Education

Youth interest in STEM peaks around age 11. UScellular wants to change that.

Kids are losing interest in STEM subjects between ages 11 and 15. Here's what that means for future innovation.

Photo courtesy of UScellular

Kids on a field trip learn from Sania Naseem, Senior RF Planning Engineer at UScellular.

Imagine being a 12-year-old girl in a small town who’s interested in computers. You’ve learned a bit of programming online, but you don’t know anyone who works in the tech field and your school district doesn’t have the kinds of classes you need to explore further.

How likely would you be to keep and pursue that interest?

Since the internet changed everyone’s lives in the 1990s, there’s been a push for Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics (STEM) education. Universal reliance on technology has made STEM careers not just desirable but vital, and the speed at which those fields are moving means we need young people to stay interested in them.

Research indicates that we’ve largely succeeded in reaching kids when they’re young—children demonstrate a deep fascination with STEM subjects up to age 11. But something shifts during adolescence. Past age 11, interest in STEM starts to wane, often dissipating by age 15.

The question is why.

To get to the bottom of this STEM age/interest gap mystery, wireless carrier UScellular partnered with developmental psychologist and researcher Richard Rende, Ph.D. Through a state-of-the-art analysis of the research, Dr. Rende helped uncover the barriers that prevent youth—particularly girls and those living in rural communities—from maintaining and nurturing their interest in STEM.

kids walking with an adult guide near a school busStudents taking a STEM field tripPhoto courtesy of UScellular

Dr. Rende found that keeping kids from losing STEM interest as they become teens requires programs that are equitable, relatable, relevant and supportive.

Here’s what those four drivers look like in practice:

Equitable

- Bringing STEM programs to rural areas that don’t have access to advanced courses or school-based curriculum
- Countering the notion that STEM isn’t for everyone and offering buffers for when kids are confronted with stereotypes or biases

Relatable

- Exposing girls to women in STEM professions who share similar backgrounds in smaller and rural communities
- Having STEM professionals share their experiences growing up so youth don’t see them as “superheroes” doing something unattainable

Relevant

- Programs and field trips that demonstrate how STEM is applied, especially in ways that connect to the local environment or technology kids already use
- Incorporating kids’ voices to help guide the elements of a program

Supportive

- Provide supportive mentorship, especially when projects become more complicated and require emotion regulation and resilience
- Teach cognitive skills that will help kids believe they have the capacity to succeed in STEM subjects

kids on a STEM field trip Kids learning about cell towers from Cheryl Dennard, Senior Manager of Core Services Engineering at UScellularPhoto courtesy of UScellular

To test out his findings before sharing them with the world, Dr. Rende worked with UScellular’s non-profit partner, YWCA, which has an after-school and summer program called TechGYRLS, designed to inspire girls in grades 3 to 8 to consider future careers in STEM fields. Together they created a refreshed STEM program guide incorporating Dr. Rende’s research and worked with focus groups at various YWCA locations to get feedback.

“What we see to date is that programming and mentoring to ‘train’ kids to be STEM people is not always enough to sustain and encourage interest during the transition to adolescence, especially for underserved youth,” says Dr. Rende. “We need to help them see the opportunities in STEM that spark their curiosity and gain belief that they can confidently explore all the possibilities available to them in STEM, including those that go beyond the traditional STEM careers like mathematician or scientist. It could be a vet, a nurse, wireless network engineer, arborist, audio engineer, turf scientist, or mechanical engineer and may not be a career that requires years and years of higher education.”

After-school enrichment programs like YWCA’s TechGYRLS can be found in communities all over the country, and parents, guardians and teachers can help the kids in their communities by identifying similar programs and encouraging them to participate. If teachers or youth-focused non-profits want to create their own STEM program, Dr. Rende’s whitepaper can help inform their approach and design to keep kids interested.

UScellular and YWCA are working on a digital version of the program guide to increase access for even more youth and help educators improve their STEM programming. Longer term, the perceptions and attitudes of the TechGYRLS participants will be measured to evaluate if the current decline in STEM interest is being reduced or averted. Advancing innovation requires people who pursue careers in STEM fields, so the more interest we can spark and sustain in young people, the brighter our future will look.

Learn more about how UScellular is supporting STEM education here.
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Pop Culture

Ryan Reynolds filmed his colonoscopy after losing a bet—it turned out to be 'lifesaving'

If anyone can motivate people to get this medical procedure done, it's Reynolds.

Ryan Reynolds/YouTube

Sometimes when you lose, you win.

Cancer is serious. Ryan Reynolds is not. Luckily his characteristic sense of humor—along with being true to his word—has helped shine a light on a sobering topic in a fun way.

After apparently losing a bet to friend and “Welcome to Wrexham” co-star Rob McElhenney of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” Reynolds agreed to get a colonoscopy … while broadcasting it to the entire world, of course.

Reynolds is an actor famous for hilarious hijinks. From his intense fictional feud with Hugh Jackman to performing epic pranks on talk shows, he is often the best thing on the internet for a good laugh.

However, he is also not one to shy away from difficult conversations, particularly when it comes to health. So raising awareness about the importance of colonoscopies was, as he quipped, “enough motivation for me to let you in on a camera being shoved up my ass.”

Reynolds might have lost the bet, but his actions paid off. The procedure turned out to be lifesaving.

The video shows the “Free Guy” actor getting the news that an “extremely subtle” polyp was discovered and cut out. Reynolds had previously shown no symptoms.

“I’m not being dramatic,” his doctor told him. “This is exactly why you do this. You are interrupting the natural history of a disease, of something of a process that could have ended up developing into cancer and causing all sorts of problems. Instead, you are not only diagnosing the polyp, you are taking it out.”

Ever the expert marketer, Reynolds smoothly slid in a quick plug for his alcohol brand, joking that “I can’t believe you pumped all that Aviation Gin into my IV. I was out like a light” before thanking the doctor.

Reynolds got his colonoscopy at 45, which is the recommended age to begin routine screenings. Though it’s a preventable cancer, colorectal cancer is the third most common cause of cancer-related deaths for men and women combined, and it is predicted to be the top cancer killer for people under 50 by the year 2030.

Because of the inherent invasiveness of the procedure, many people feel uncomfortable even talking about colonoscopies, let alone getting one, despite early detection being so vital. But now, thanks to Reynolds hilariously riffing on his experience, the whole thing might not seem so daunting after all.

Thanks for the delightfully silly PSA, Ryan.


This article originally appeared on 9.16.22

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health
Family

School is back in session. Here are 5 simple lunch ideas to keep you sane while you keep your family healthy.

With O Organics, it's easy.

Photo credit: Canva

Yes, school lunches CAN be easy, healthy and inexpensive.

Parents, let’s face it: prepping school lunches can feel like trying to solve a complex math equation. It's got to be nutritious, appealing, fast, and let's not forget…within budget. But what if we told you there’s a secret weapon that can make this whole ordeal a breeze? Enter: O Organics from Albertsons.

O Organics offers a wide range of affordable, USDA organic goodies that are perfect for school lunches. From crunchy apple slices to delicious, creamy greek yogurt, they've got you covered. Plus, their prices won’t break the bank, proving that healthy eating doesn’t have to be a luxury.

Now, let’s get down to the good stuff: the food! Here are some simple, kid (and wallet) friendly lunch ideas—made entirely with O Organics ingredients—to help you ditch the processed junk and give your kids the fuel they need to conquer the classroom:

1. Pasta Salad

  • Main: A cold pasta salad made with O Organics whole-grain rotini pasta, O Organics chopped vegetables (like cucumbers, bell peppers, and cherry tomatoes), and Italian dressing. Add protein with chickpeas or a three bean blend.
  • Side: O Organics apple slices.
  • Snack: A serving of O Organics Greek yogurt, with some granola for a fun topping.

2. Egg Salad Sandwich

  • Main: A sandwich using whole wheat bread filled with a mixture of O Organics hard boiled eggs, mayo (or Greek yogurt for extra protein), mustard, dill, onion powder, salt and pepper.
  • Side:O Organics tortilla chips and salsa.
  • Snack: A pack of O Organics fruit strips.

3. Peanut Butter Apple Wrap (great for toddlers)

  • Main:O Organics peanut butter spread on a couple of flour soft taco tortillas, topped with thinly sliced apples. Drizzle some O Organics honey, roll it up and voila!
  • Side:O Organics baby-cut carrots with a side of hummus.
  • Snack:O Organics cottage cheese.

4. Quickie Quesadilla

  • Main: A tortilla filled with O Organics Mexican Style Shredded Cheese, black beans, and a sprinkle of chili powder.
  • Side: A couple of hard boiled O Organics eggs.
  • Snack: Ants on a log.

5. A Hot Dog…that stays hot

  • Main: You know the drill. Hot dog (we recommended the O Organics Beef Franks). Mustard. Cheese. Bun.
  • Side: A colorful side salad with spring mix, cherry tomatoes, and vinaigrette dressing.
  • Snack:O Organics banana chips.

But how the heck do you keep the hot dog hot? We’ve got just the tip, courtesy of Allrecipes.com:

Step 1

  • Preheat an insulated beverage container by filling it with boiling water. Let stand for 15 to 20 minutes. Right before leaving, dump out water and replace with more boiling water. The preheating keeps it hot for a longer time. Place the hot dog into the water and close the lid.

Step 2

  • When your child is ready for lunch, they can take the hot dog out of the container and place it on the bun.

Remember: This list is just a starting point. You can totally customize it to your kid’s needs and preferences. You can even involve your kiddos in the lunch-packing process to make it more fun for everyone. Let them help choose the menu, make a shopping list, pack their lunches…even grow their own veggies! If you’re feeling ambitious, that is.

No matter how you choose to give your kids the best possible start to their day, making small changes and taking advantage of resources like O Organics can help make it happen in a sustainable and enjoyable way.

So, what are you waiting for? Shop O Organics now exclusively at Albertsons, Safeway or any sister store. Your kids' bodies (and taste buds) will thank you.

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Community

Woman shares how the 'bird test' always determines if her relationships will last

"It never fails."

Images via Unsplash

Alyssa Caribardi says the 'bird test' can be uses for romantic and platonic relationships

Even with all the fancy apps and preference based algorithms, dating isn’t always easy. It’s a challenge to find true and lasting compatibility, and to know whether a person truly has your best interests at heart, or is simply on their best behavior.

But, people find their ways to navigate romance, nonetheless. Be it through a series of simple questions or hard-and-fast red flags, there are some modern-day strategies that can be used to filter out true potential partners.

The “Bird Test” is one of those strategies.

Though TikTokker Alyssa Caribardi doesn’t claim to have created the bird test, it’s something she “lives and dies by,” and she’s happy to give folks the rundown on what it is.

According to Caribardi, the bird test goes a little something like this: if you're out and about with someone, and notice a bird, then point it out with enthusiasm, notice how the other person responds. If they mirror your “genuine curiosity” for this seemingly insignificant thing, “that’s a really good sign” the relationship will last a long time.

'"It never fails," Caribardi claims, adding that while this is primarily used for screening romantic relationships, it can be used for platonic ones as well, sharing that a woman who matched her excitement for a woodpecker outside a Starbucks became a close friend.

Watch below. Note that this video contains some curse words.

@alyssacardib

Bird test

♬ original sound - Lyss Lyss

As many viewers were quick to note, the bird test echoes what psychologist and renowned relationship expert John Gottman calls “bids for connection.”

Gottman says that bids for connections can be verbal or non verbal, and take on myriad tones, but all share the common goal of expressing “connect with me please!” to a partner. Everything from a playful wink to asking how a work meeting went would fall under this category.

Gottman also explains that repeated rejection of bids for connection spell disaster for relationships.

“When our partner denies our bids, we internalize the experience. Our brains subconsciously keep track of how many bids are accepted or rejected by our partners. When our partner constantly turns away or against our bids, we begin to feel frustrated. We are more inclined to criticize our partners, which pushes them to be defensive and may result in an argument,” he says, even going so far as to say that couples more often break up because of denied bids for connections than big fights or infidelity.

So, call it a bird test or a bid, the messaging remains the same, regardless of semantics. Relationships thrive when partners pay attention to each other’s interests, and turn towards those interests with the intention to create an emotional bond. Perhaps this is even more important than naturally shared passions.

In other words: if someone isn’t able to light up at seeing a woodpecker outside a Starbucks in the same way you do, maybe they’re not meant for you.


This article originally appeared on 10.31.23

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relationships
Pop Culture

Airbnb host finds unexpected benefits from not charging guests a cleaning fee

Host Rachel Boice went for a more "honest" approach with her listings—and saw major perks because of it.

@rachelrboice/TikTok

Many frustrated Airbnb customers have complained that the separate cleaning fee is a nuisance.

Airbnb defines its notorious cleaning fee as a “one-time charge” set by the host that helps them arrange anything from carpet shampoo to replenishing supplies to hiring an outside cleaning service—all in the name of ensuring guests have a “clean and tidy space.”

But as many frustrated Airbnb customers will tell you, this feature is viewed as more of a nuisance than a convenience. According to NerdWallet, the general price for a cleaning fee is around $75, but can vary greatly between listings, with some units having cleaning fees that are higher than the nightly rate (all while sometimes still being asked to do certain chores before checking out). And often none of these fees show up in the total price until right before the booking confirmation, leaving many travelers feeling confused and taken advantage of.

However, some hosts are opting to build cleaning fees into the overall price of their listings, mimicking the strategy of traditional hotels.

Rachel Boice runs two Airbnb properties in Georgia with her husband Parker—one being this fancy glass plane tiny house (seen below) that promises a perfect glamping experience.

@rachelrboice Welcome to The Tiny Glass House 🤎 #airbnbfinds #exploregeorgia #travelbucketlist #tinyhouse #glampingnotcamping #atlantageorgia #fyp ♬ Aesthetic - Tollan Kim

Like most Airbnb hosts, the Boice’s listing showed a nightly rate and separate cleaning fee. According to her interview with Insider, the original prices broke down to $89 nightly, and $40 for the cleaning fee.

But after noticing the negative response the separate fee got from potential customers, Rachel told Insider that she began charging a nightly rate that included the cleaning fee, totaling to $129 a night.

It’s a marketing strategy that more and more hosts are attempting in order to generate more bookings (people do love feeling like they’re getting a great deal) but Boice argued that the trend will also become more mainstream since the current Airbnb model “doesn’t feel honest.”

"We stay in Airbnbs a lot. I pretty much always pay a cleaning fee," Boice told Insider. "You're like: 'Why am I paying all of this money? This should just be built in for the cost.'"

Since combining costs, Rachel began noticing another unexpected perk beyond customer satisfaction: guests actually left her property cleaner than before they were charged a cleaning fee. Her hypothesis was that they assumed she would be handling the cleaning herself.

"I guess they're thinking, 'I'm not paying someone to clean this, so I'll leave it clean,'" she said.

This discovery echoes a similar anecdote given by another Airbnb host, who told NerdWallet guests who knew they were paying a cleaning fee would “sometimes leave the place looking like it’s been lived in and uncleaned for months.” So, it appears to be that being more transparent and lumping all fees into one overall price makes for a happier (and more considerate) customer.

These days, it’s hard to not be embittered by deceptive junk fees, which can seem to appear anywhere without warning—surprise overdraft charges, surcharges on credit cards, the never convenience “convenience charge” when purchasing event tickets. Junk fees are so rampant that certain measures are being taken to try to eliminate them outright in favor of more honest business approaches.

Speaking of a more honest approach—as of December 2022, AirBnb began updating its app and website so that guests can see a full price breakdown that shows a nightly rate, a cleaning fee, Airbnb service fee, discounts, and taxes before confirming their booking.

Guests can also activate a toggle function before searching for a destination, so that full prices will appear in search results—avoiding unwanted financial surprises.


This article originally appeared on 11.08.23

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community
Family

Psychologist shares 3 things you can say to a 'rude' kid to stop the attitude

Dr. Becky has 3 lines that parents can use to defuse the behavior.

via Hunter Johnson/Unsplash

A rude child sticking out his tongue.

At some point, every parent has to deal with a child who talks back and makes rude comments. It’s a normal part of growing up. But it’s a parent's job to stop it before it becomes an everyday behavior and an ingrained part of their personality.

Stopping rude behavior can be especially difficult for parents because it's easy to get upset and escalate the situation when their children talk back or act rudely.

The good news is that Dr. Becky is around to show us how to handle these situations like an adult. Dr. Becky Kennedy is a popular social media clinical psychologist who founded “Good Inside,” a program that helps support parents and children through every developmental phase.

Dr. Becky shared 3 lines parents can use to respond to rudeness and talking back. “These will help you de-escalate the situation and immediately set you on the path for a positive interaction with your kid,” she says at the start of her video.

Line 1: “I hear you, and you must be really upset to say something like that to me.”

Line 2: “Look, all I’m saying is I know you’re a good kid, even when you say some not so good things.”

Line 3: “I know there’s another way you can say that to me. Do you want to try again?”

At first, a lot of folks may think that Dr. Becky is asking us to be too permissive of a kid who mouths off. But she has another perspective. “Now, I know what you might be thinking: ‘Am I just kind of permitting this rudeness?'” she says. “No! You are acting like an adult.” She says the key is avoiding being pulled into a power struggle or escalation of rudeness.

“You are not being pulled into a power struggle or rudeness escalation. Yes, it might feel good in the moment to say something like, ‘You can’t talk to me like that, you’re so disrespectful, no iPad tonight!’ But we know if we give rudeness back to our kid, they are just going to give more rudeness back to us. That is so ineffective and we have to be the adult. So try one of those lines and let me know how it goes,” Dr. Becky said.

rude kids, dr. becky, talking backA child is being rude to her mother.via RDNE Stock Project

The key question for parents to consider in this situation is: Am I reacting or responding to my child’s behavior? Dr. Becky believes we should respond to the situation calmly and redirect the child’s behavior.

One commenter put Dr. Becky’s advice into action and had a great result.

“This absolutely works! My son said something awful to me the other morning while getting ready for school. I thought of you , took a deep breath, and said, ‘Wow, you must be really upset to have said that to me’ and he just nodded and said, ‘I am.’ We hugged, he even apologized and we connected,” A commenter wrote.

A fellow therapist, Dr. Claudia Luiz, explained the psychological concept behind Dr. Becky’s advice a bit further.

“This is what psychoanalysis calls ‘fusion.’ When the bad is fused with good, it neutralizes toxic interactions. Fusion is hard to achieve. Negative feels eclipse the living, positive ones, leading to ‘rudeness.’ To get more ‘fused’ you start by processing your impatience with your own negative feelings. You can learn to appreciate why it’s hard to dislike and feel angry at your children with fusion to feel less intense or dysregulated. With fusion, you can be more chill,” Dr. Luiz wrote.

Dr. Becky’s advice is valuable because most parents would have a knee-jerk reaction to their child being rude and attempt to punish them or correct them in a harsh manner. However, Dr. Becky says that it’s best to diffuse the situation instead and that will make it less likely for the child to be rude because they aren’t getting the response they want. But what they are getting is something more, a chance to connect with a parent and an open, safe space to share their feelings without having to mask them in hostility.

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Education

Woman's family shares video of her actively dying so people can understand to expect

"The more we know, the less we fear."

Representative photo by Ron Lach/Pexels

We don't see people dying until we do, and it's good to know what can happen.

In the era of modern medicine, we are far more removed from death than our ancestors were. That's not something to complain about, of course, but it is something to be aware of. At some point, most of us will experience the death of a loved one, and if we have no idea what to expect through that process, it can be confusing and frightening to witness.

The more we know about the death process, the less fear we have witnessing it

A hospice nurse named Julie has dedicated her career to helping families through the death process and educating people on what dying actually looks like. "The more we know, the less we fear," she says, and it's true. While many of us may want to avoid thinking about death, it's a part of life we should better understand before we find ourselves confronted with it and perplexed by what's happening.

casket in a cemetery with people standing around itFunerals are the closest most of us get to death until a close loved one dies. Photo by Rhodi Lopez on Unsplash

One woman's family shared a video with Julie with permission to show it to her audience for education purposes. "This is the most accurate video I have been sent of someone who is truly in the actively dying stages," Julie said. "No one knows what death actually looks like because when it's depicted in the movies or TV, it's false. It's wrapped up in a pretty little bow and it's not accurate."

Julie shared that this video shows some of the stages of a person actively dying—not in pain, just going through the natural death process—as the body shuts down. Specifically, it shows how a person's breathing changes and what's normal to expect. Some may find the video difficult to watch, but she does offer trigger warnings before each clip and explains exactly what's happening so people can choose how much they want to see.

Moaning and gasping while dying doesn't automatically mean pain or suffering

As she explains, this is the "actively dying" phase, and the family shared that the woman in the video did die within hours of the videos seen here. The video highlights three different breathing and vocalization phases, which Julie describes as she shares why it's happening and what it means. For instance, in one clip, the woman is moaning in a rhythmic pattern, which indicates that she's not likely in pain (which loved ones might assume) but rather that the body is self-soothing. Julie reassured the audience that what appears to be struggle or suffering often isn't when a personal is dying. Bodily mechanisms and reflexes can look scary if you don't know what you're seeing, but knowing it's very natural and normal can be enormously helpful.

Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Some commenters said that these clips were exactly what they saw during with a loved one's death, while others shared different experiences. (Much like childbirth, there are some distinct phases and stages of the process, but specifics can vary greatly from person to person, so not everyone will see the same things.) But overwhelmingly, people in the comments were appreciative of Julie's lesson and thankful to the family for allowing her to share:

"I had the privilege of attending both my parents’ deaths. I found it to be a beautiful experience. It was almost like birthing them into their next stage. It was a powerful full circle event. Thank you for educating people about the death process. And thank you to the family who allowed the footage of their loved one to be shared with us."

"My wife recently passed away, and I was prepared because of your videos. Thank You Julie."

"I've never seen a person pass. She was not in pain and I am thankful that you explained this to us. RIP dear lady."

"I’m an RN and this was very accurate. I’m glad to see the kind respectful videos donated by families used to educate people on the natural process of dying! Don’t be afraid, these people are comfortable and at peace! Thank you Julie for showing what we nurses see all of the time and are comfortable with."


man holding an old woman's hand in hospitalBeing with a loved one when they die is a uniquely intimate experience.Photo by Muskan Anand/Pexels

"My Dad passed away in 1999. Wish I had known that all these phases of active dying were truly normal. It was horrific thinking my Dad was suffering minutes before his actual death. Thank you so much for this video. It has brought me much comfort."

"I was with my grandmother when she passed, and it was exactly like this. I’ll never forget it. Honored to have been by her side."

"My brother who died from ALS was similar to the second video but I’d also add there are exceptions (as there is to everything) in that my mom smiled at me, closed her eyes, and then died without a gasp or a pause. It was literally like she just fell asleep and I remain to this day grateful for the ease of her passing. Thanks to the family for their willingness to share such a personal moment in the collective life of their family."

"As a retired nurse in oncology, palliative care, and hospice, I applaud you for the excellent video you shared to educate others on the stages seen prior to death. It's so important."

"In the last eighteen months I’ve lost both my parents to cancer. I was with them at the beginning and the very end and I must say the experience terrified me and I’ve been tormented since. NOW I know that the “stages” were “normal” and it’s brought me great comfort to know they weren’t in pain. I’m grateful that I got to be there for them both (even though they were unconscious when I arrived) but I do believe they knew that I was with them. I cannot thank you or the kind family of this lady enough for sharing this and explaining it in easy to understand way. Thank You so much. x"

"I have been a registered nurse for 24 years. The information provided in your videos is 100% accurate and you are performing a service for families and patients. It's one thing to read about end of life changes in a pamphlet, but hearing details from a hospice nurse along with supporting videos makes all of the difference. Thank you for what you are doing!!"

As Julie said, "The more you know, the less you fear." It may be uncomfortable, but learning about the dying process before you witness it first hand can prevent a lot of misunderstanding and unnecessary trauma for you and your loved ones.

You can see more of Nurse Julie's videos on her YouTube channel here.

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