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Mom shares how being actively parented as a full-grown adult makes all the difference

“I think this is what people mean when they say ‘It takes a village.’”

@hannahwiththelipstick/Instagram (used with permission)

We need our parents after we leave the nest, just in different ways.

When we think of "parenting" we usually think of the years from birth to college age, when kids become legal adults and many start fleeing the nest. It's not like there's a magic switch that gets flipped at 18 that suddenly makes kids not need their parents anymore, but the young adult years are a time when people grow into their independence, taking on the responsibilities and challenges of adulthood gradually but surely.

But what happens after that? Once kids are grown and flown, what role to parents play? They're not rulemakers or final authorities anymore, and they certainly aren't having to make sure basic needs are being met, but that doesn't mean their parenting years are over.

A video from a mom named Hannah shows what supportie, active parenting looks like with fully adult children, and it's a beautiful example of the way parent-child relationships ideally shift over time.

"My parents could write a manual on how to practically love your adult children," wrote Hannah Cases of @hannahwiththelipstick. "I was feeling overwhelmed and this was their response."

As she sits outside with a blanket around her shoulders and a warm mug in her hand, Hannah's parents are shown playing with her child, cooking some soup, organizing and cleaning and otherwise taking some of the load off her shoulders.

"Your adult children still need you," she wrote.

@hannahwiththelipstick

I think this is what people mean when they say “it takes a village”. 🤍 If your kids are all grown up just remember, they still need you. We might say “I’m fine” or struggle to ask for what we need but the truth is everyone needs help sometimes and the support of loving parents / grandparents has the power to change everything. My parents are a constant reminder of what it looks like to practically love the people around you and put action behind the words “I love you”. I love differently because of having parents like them and living three minutes away from each other has been the biggest blessing. I know a lot of people don’t have parents who are able to help or the relationship might be strained but blood isn’t what makes someone family and I encourage you to seek out a village and remember that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. 🫶🏻 #ittakesavillage #myvillage #familyiseverything #ittakesavillagetoraiseachild #grandparentgoals #parentgoals #loveyouradultchildren #grandparentslove #parentslove


In the caption of the video, she expanded her thoughts:

"I think this is what people mean when they say 'it takes a village.' 🤍 If your kids are all grown up just remember, they still need you. We might say 'I’m fine' or struggle to ask for what we need but the truth is everyone needs help sometimes and the support of loving parents / grandparents has the power to change everything. My parents are a constant reminder of what it looks like to practically love the people around you and put action behind the words 'I love you.' I love differently because of having parents like them and living three minutes away from each other has been the biggest blessing. I know a lot of people don’t have parents who are able to help or the relationship might be strained but blood isn’t what makes someone family and I encourage you to seek out a village and remember that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. 🫶🏻"

It's true that not everyone has parents or a relationship with their parents that would give them this kind of support, but that doesn't mean people aren't desperate for it.

"Honestly seeing this inspires me to be this parent… I pray one day I can create a space this loving for my daughter. I wish every family had this. The world would be such a better, more healthy place."

"Such a gift. I wish we all had parents like this. 🥺"

"100000000x this!!!
Arguably we need you more than ever, now!
We crave independence when we are young, and family/support as we grow our own. ❤️❤️❤️❤️"

"I really wish my mother was capable of this kind of love and support, but unfortunately many of us don’t have this… count yourself blessed if you do!! ❤️"

"You are very blessed to have them ❤️ myself and my husband’s parents don’t ever come around for us or our 2 kiddos and it’s very sad. We have no village except our good friends."

"All I get when I tell my mom I’m struggling is ‘I remember those days.’ Happy for people who have this support but also jealous 😅 But someday I will be there for my grown kids with whatever they need."

"I hope I get the opportunity to show up for my adult babies and their babies like this someday."

"My parents are like this and I’m SO thankful. My mom showed up Monday with a coffee for me. Today both kids have swim class. My dad tags along, and every Wednesday he brings us breakfast. Little things like that, that just make it a little easier on me. My parents live 6 minutes away and I tell them all the time I couldn’t do it without them!"

"We live 15 away from my in-laws. Once a week, my Mother-in-law does one on one time with my two kids. Since the kiddos will nap during the time it’s not their turn with their mimi, it really ends up being such a wonderful break for me. It really does take a village!"

"I tell my parents all the time that I still need my mommy and daddy lol it sounds silly, but it’s so true! I’m so thankful they live one street over and are always available at the drop of a hat! ❤️"

Though it's sad to see in the comments how many people don't have this kind of support, it's also a good reminder to be there for one another when and how we can be. There's no substitute for loving and supportive parents, but any friend or family member who has the time and inclination can help fill that role when they see there's a need.

It's always good to see positive examples of healthy relationships, both to know what's possible and to inspire us to be the people—the village—we want someone to be for us.

You can follow Hannah Cases on Instagram and TikTok.

parenting
Health

Wife who struggles with depression shares genius hack for helping her husband support her

Sometimes talking things out isn't the best way to communicate.

@Sharon.a.life/TikTok

Sharon Johnson shares a common dilemma couples face when one partner struggles with depression.

Dealing with a mental illness is hard. Loving someone who is dealing with a mental illness is also hard. When you're the person struggling, you need support from your loved ones, but you may not be able to verbalize what you need exactly, especially in the moment. And when you're a loved one who wants to provide that support, you can feel lost and helpless trying to figure out what actually helps.

This is the dilemma TikTok creator Sharon Johnson (@Sharon.a.life) highlights in a viral video explaining how she and her husband passed that impasse.

Johnson starts by acting out a conversation she and her husband often have she's in a depressive episode. She says she's sad and doesn't know why. Her husband asks what she needs, and she says he could be more supportive. He asks how he can be more supportive. In her head, she thinks, "I have about a thousand ways that I think you could be more supportive, but they're all tiny and little and insignificant, and it feels weird to have the conversation and tell you a thousand things that you could do, so instead I'm just gonna continue being sad and we'll both be frustrated."

"You're not saying anything," says her husband. "Please tell me what to do, because I don't know what depression is like and I don't know what to do."

End scene. Sound familiar?

Johnson then shares that she came up with a solution that solves this dilemma, helping her husband understand what support she needs when she's struggling. It's so simple, but not something most people would necessarily think to do.

Watch:

@sharon.a.life

Now the list is there for us to add to, revise, and to refer to! He feels more supported and capable in being supportive and actually helping and I feel more supported and, less depressed! #depression #mentalhealth #bipolar #bipolar2 #depressiontips #supportperson

Being unable to verbalize needs when you're in a depressed state is totally normal, so it's helpful to think about communicating those needs proactively, ahead of time, when you're feeling healthy.

What's brilliant about the written list strategy is that, as Johnson points out, body language and facial expressions can sometimes be misinterpreted, especially when navigating mental and emotional realities. Even longtime married couples can misread worry for annoyance or interpret a thoughtful pause as reticence or judgment, so sometimes writing things down—even clarifying questions like her husband did—is more effective.

In the age of email and texting, written communication has perhaps been overly dismissed as impersonal or as a way to avoid difficult face-to-face conversations. Certainly, it can be, but in some cases, writing things out can be preferable to verbal communication. This is one of those times.

Having those ways to be supportive written down also provides a tangible resource her husband can access any time he needs to, and that resource can also be updated in real time as needed.

People in the comments loved the idea.

"Extremely relatable as I just had a 10 min back & forth of 'what do you need' 'idk' w my partner before he was just like ok I’m making you an egg," shared one person.

"The fact that he typed out the replies shows how much he understands the way your brain works!!! 🧡🧡🧡" shared another.

"It's like the equivalent of "this could've been an email" in the workplace when they schedule a meeting. It makes a lot of sense, really!" offered another.

Many people asked if they could see her list as inspiration or jumping off points for their own, so she offered to email it to people who wanted it. (You can access that link here.)

Find more from @Sharon.a.life on TikTok.

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mental health
Education

Students think they're about to 'get in trouble.' But their teachers have a different plan.

It always feels good when someone's in your corner.

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Teachers earn their own A's through this act of encouragement.

Thinking back, I'm sure we can all recall having a tough day at school.

Maybe you got a bad grade on a test or weren't picked for a team you desperately wanted to be on. Or maybe there was a day (or days) where you just didn't feel like your presence at school mattered.

While you may no longer be in school, feeling unimportant can absolutely trickle back from time to time. I happened to be experiencing some of those feelings myself when I stumbled upon an amazing video by Jamie McSparin, a teacher at Oak Park High School in Kansas City, Missouri.

McSparin recognized the students at her school go through tough times on occasion, and she wanted to do something to show them how important they are to their teachers.

So she gathered several other teachers at Oak Park together and asked them to pick one student and share why that student inspires them to come to work every day. On camera.

The teachers were a little apprehensive about doing it at first, but that was before they got these incredible reactions:

joy, kindness, teacher, student appreciation

A bright smile cultivated through a teacher's motivation.

Photo via Tyler McSparin/YouTube.

self esteem, education, investment, genius

Big smiles found when getting some good news from the teacher.

Photo via Tyler McSparin/YouTube.

happiness, effort, wisdom, education, positive

Some times it's surprising how much a little positive reinforcement takes someone.

Photo via Tyler McSparin/YouTube.

McSparin asked each teacher to record the experience. In order to catch the students off guard, the teachers looked up their schedules and momentarily pulled each student out of class.

"EVERY student we pulled from class thought they were in trouble," wrote McSparin in an email. Of course that's the natural reaction when a teacher takes you out of class, but once they realized what was going on, they were overcome with gratitude.

And the teachers didn't just choose overachievers. The students picked fell on a wide academic spectrum to show their abilities don't dictate their significance.

The initial goal of the "Oak Park Positivity Project" was to remind the teachers how much of an impact they have on their students, but it's obviously worked to bolster students' confidence as well.

school, insight, teaching, community

It's not rocket science that encouraging the future has value.

Photo via Tyler McSparin/YouTube.

Since the video launched, McSparin has received inspiring messages from educators across the country who are eager to bring the project into their schools.

And McSparin plans to keep the positivity going all year long. "Several students have approached me about things THEY want to do to keep it going," she said.

Everyone can have a tough day now and again, but movements like this prove there's always someone in your corner to gladly remind you how much you matter.

Check out the video project here:

This article originally appeared on 10.06.16


From Your Site Articles
Health

Enjoy these doodles about self-doubt and anxiety that are adorable and oh-so-relatable

It doesn't matter who you are or what you do, those worries and fears can strike at any moment.

Beth Evans

Sometimes you just have to laugh a little about our self-doubt and anxiety

From awkward phone calls and impostor syndrome, to depression and anxiety, at some point all of us have experienced challenging feelings and self-doubt.

It doesn't matter who you are or what you do, those worries and fears can strike at any moment.

That's why Beth Evans' comics feel so familiar and honest.

The 26-year-old from the Chicago area started doodling and drawing in college and now works on her comic full-time. Through uncomplicated line drawings and simple stories, Evans reveals a slice of her daily life, including some of her anxieties, brushes with self-doubt, and small victories. Working on the comic has helped Evans manage some of these thoughts and feelings too.

"Sometimes I'm not always able to express those feelings in my real life," she says. "Sometimes it's easier just to say 'Here's the awful emotion of the day, we're just going to put it down, put it out there. Maybe someone else feels that way so we can feel awful together."

Her work has clearly struck a chord, as she's amassed more than 216,000 followers — including some fans so dedicated that they've gotten tattoos of her work.

Evans is flattered by the gesture, though she's a little nervous too. "I just hope they like it," she says.

Her mindset speaks to the honesty and authenticity of her work — just like the rest of us, Evans experiences feelings of self-doubt. The common feeling just seems to be part and parcel of life as an adult. If we can't make it go away completely, at least we can commiserate together.

Here are 15 more of Evans comics that may have you saying, "It me."

1. When you make plans at night versus when you wake up.

2. You still earn a ribbon, even if you have nothing to show for it.

3. And don't get me started on impromptu small talk.

4. If you can limit the internal screaming to 5%, you're ahead of the curve.

5. This is how it goes down every. single. time.

6. Just in case you needed a reminder.

7. Though compliments can bring their own kind of anxiety.

8. Adulting isn't all it's cracked up to be, kids.

9. And why is saving money so, so hard?

10. You know what's more awkward than feeling all the feelings? Talking about the feelings.

11. But it's good, especially if you need to.

12. Raise your hand if you've played any of these before.

13. Even the love chart is easy to love.

14. It's totally OK not to know, btw.

15. And, finally, don't forget to give yourself a break.

No matter your worries, fears, "weird" thoughts, or wild ideas — remember, you're not alone.

Talk it out, or keep it to yourself. Feel free to laugh, cry, scream, or do something in between. Just remember you are enough, and you are pretty darn great right this second, OK?

And if you enjoy Evans' work, be sure to follow her on Instagram and Twitter.


This article originally appeared on 09.15.17

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