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No booze at all? As more people go alcohol-free, debates over dry weddings heat up.

Some folks have strong feelings about this, but some dry wedding tips can help.

Photo credit: Canva

Some couples choose to have no alcohol served at their wedding. It's an issue for some people.

People's relationships with alcohol run the gamut from "never touched it, never will" to full-blown alcoholism, with a wide range of preferences, experiences, and expectations along that spectrum. Most of the time, it's easy to take a live-and-let-live approach to other people's choices, but if there's one place where people seem to clash when it comes to alcohol offerings, it's weddings.

Objectively, a couple has the right to offer or not offer anything they wish at their wedding, but depending on your social circles, there may be certain "norms" that are expected. For some people, alcohol at weddings is an unquestioned norm that they simply can't imagine not having, which makes the movement toward dry weddings—ones that offer no alcohol whatsoever—a sticking point.

In fact, in debates over the idea, some go so far as to say they flat out won't attend a wedding if they know there won't be alcohol. Some feel it's rude not to serve alcohol to guests, even if the couple themselves don't partake, because it's a social event and people expect it. Others say the wedding is for the couple—it's their day, and they can create any kind of wedding they wish. Some people assume a wedding won't be as much fun if there's no alcohol, while others say dry weddings are some of the best weddings they've been to.

Opinions are all over the place on the topic with strong feelings on all sides. Here's a sampling of what people say:

"I would not be phased by a dry wedding if it were a smaller event. I’d actually prefer it as I don’t drink much at all. However, a wedding with 100 guests is not a small wedding and I think it’s a social norm/expectation for there to be alcohol at these kinds of celebrations. Whether that’s arguably a good thing or not is up for debate, however I know plenty of people who would be thoroughly disappointed and think the night was less fun because of there being no alcohol."

"It very much depends on where you’re from and your social circle. If you’re from the Bible Belt and your entire wedding and reception takes place in a church function hall, then no- a dry wedding would very much be normal. If you’re Mormon or another religion that is anti-alcohol, it would be totally expected. Also, if one or both of you were in recovery I think it would also be totally fine.

If you’re not in one of the above groups or on a significantly reduced budget, it is generally seen as faux pas to not provide alcohol in some form at your wedding as you are the host of the party. Even the weddings with limited budgets that I’ve been to, still opt to host beer and wine for the satisfaction of the guests. The reception is a thank you to your guests for celebrating your marriage (and presumably for the gifts they will be giving)."

"Being a good host means taking care of your guests. Not causing pain from no where to sit, not making them stay hungry, not making them stay thirsty, etc.

Not providing alcohol at a wedding is absolutely not the same as being a bad host. There are so many ways to make your drinks fun and celebratory without including alcohol in them. Mocktails and coffee are great! Especially if you have some options that are less sweet- typically a lot of mocktails tend to be super sugary, but if you have some that are more herbal/dry, that would fill that need."

"I come from a family of alcoholics and would love a dry wedding. Unfortunately there will be alcohol at my wedding but alcohol is a major trigger for my ptsd. I know a lot of people who don’t drink, it’s not as uncommon as you think."



"I think a dry wedding is a wonderful idea, especially if you are going to offer mock tails or have a coffee bar. especially if coffee if kind of your guys thing. I would love to attend a reception with a coffee bar! just remember, it’s your day and you can have it how ever you want. and if you don’t want alcohol because neither of you really drink, that is okay!!"

"There's no etiquette rule that requires alcohol at a wedding. Food is required if the reception takes place during a meal time, but alcohol never is."

wedding food, wedding dinner, dry wedding, wedding, alcohol, no alcohol Food is a reasonable expectation at a wedding. Alcohol? Not so fast.Photo credit: Canva

Appropriate etiquette for dry weddings

There has been a societal shift away from alcohol in recent years, which may make it easier for people who want an alcohol-free wedding for health, recovery, religious, or simply personal preference reasons. However, because alcohol has traditionally been an expectation at weddings and still is for many people, there are some things couples can do to keep their dry wedding from being viewed in a negative light.

- Inform your guests beforehand that alcohol won't be served. Many people say they don't mind a dry wedding as long as they know ahead of time what to expect.

- Offer fancy non-alcoholic drink alternatives. A mocktail bar, coffee bar, italian soda bar, etc. can help create a festive atmosphere and bridge the gap for people who are used to having a drink in their hand.

wedding, wedding drinks, dry wedding, mocktails, alcohol free There are lots of non-alcoholic alternatives that can make a wedding feel festive.Photo credit: Canva

- Provide fun activities that get people moving and socializing. I've been to many dry weddings where people danced their socks off, so it's not like alcohol is necessary for a fun party. But for those who rely on alcohol to be a social lubricant, having ways to get guests mingling and engaging in fun activities together can help.

- Make your guests laugh. Many people associate alcohol with having a good time, and laughter is a great way to create that feeling. Maybe set up a photo booth with silly props, or have a light-hearted roast, or hire a DJ with a great sense of humor.

- Consider getting married at an earlier time in the day. If you want a dry wedding and know that a lot of your guests will expect to have alcohol, having a morning or mid-day wedding can help ease that expectation. Most people don't expect to drink in the morning.

- If you're a guest, don't complain. A couple's wedding is about them, so let it truly be about them. Even if you hate the idea of being sober for the evening, keep it to yourself and respect their right to have their wedding day be what they envisioned. If you must, go out before or after the wedding for drinks.

Ultimately, it's up to a couple getting married to decide what to serve and what not to serve their guests, but with some thoughtfulness and open-mindedness on everyone's part, the big day can be a fun and festive celebration of love and commitment no matter what people are drinking.

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Sober woman shares the 1-minute psychological trick she uses to stop alcohol cravings

Can you really have "just one"?

via Terricks Noah/Pexels and Louis Laboratory/Pexels

A woman having a whiskey and another with a tape player

For people who have problems with alcohol, it’s nearly impossible to go out and have “just one” drink. After one drink, their inhibitions are lowered, which leads to drink two, drink three and then it’s off to the races. Chances are the following day will be one of regrets and consequences.

A TikTok user named Danielle, also known as the Sober Rebel, who has been sober for over five years, has a practice she uses to make sure she doesn’t fall for the “just one” trick her alcoholic mind plays on her.

“Alcohol cravings can legit hijack your brain and overtake your mind, leaving you feeling super powerless in that moment. Because in that moment, the desire to drink can be larger than your initial intention to not drink alcohol in the first place,” Danielle says in the video with over 675,000 views. “So we're gonna walk through a little visualization and we're gonna talk about this powerful exercise that is called playing the tape forward.”

Danielle plays out a scenario where you go out with your friends but don't want to drink because you're going hiking the next day and want to be fresh as a daisy. However, when you get to the restaurant, everyone is having a great time and you crave a drink.

“In that moment, you have to decide, like, are you gonna drink or are you gonna stick to the initial plan?" Danielle asks.

@thedanielledigrandi

Works everytime 🌟 Resources for sobriety, your alcohol free journey or sober curious 🔗 #sober #soberaf #sobercurious #sobertips #sobertiktok #fyp #alcoholfreejourney

When people who don’t want to drink are tempted to have “just one,” Danielle’s one-minute exercise can be a lifesaver. She says before you buy that martini, you should play out the scenario that will unfold if you have the drink, like a “movie unfolding in front of you.” But in this film, the drink is the focal point.

“So, based on your previous experiences with alcohol, what happened? Do you stop at one drink, or do you have two drinks and then like your inhibitions kinda go out the window and then you're like, f**k it, I'm going to have more?” she asks. Eventually, in Danielle’s scenario, the evening ends in complete debauchery and you wake up the following day with a pounding headache.

“Then you wake up the next morning and you are ridden with anxiety. Maybe the lights are still on because you passed out and all of your clothes and you have a pounding headache and then any plan that you had went out the window,” she concludes the scenario.

Then you ask yourself the question: Is the instant gratification of having this drink enough to justify the pain I will most likely face tomorrow morning?

Playing the tape forward isn’t just a technique people use in recovery. It’s a cognitive-behavioral tool that psychologists use to help people improve their decision-making in various scenarios. According to The Daily Sober, the practice gives us a clear idea of what may happen when we make terrible decisions and that one minute also buys us some time to let the craving pass.

“By vividly imagining these outcomes, we can gain a more transparent, more comprehensive perspective of the ramifications of our decisions,” The Daily Sober writes. “This process of 'Playing the tape through' brings a sense of clarity, enlightening us about the potential consequences of our actions. It helps grind our decision-making rather than being swayed by momentary impulses or cravings."

The TikTok video resonated with many of Danielle's followers trying to stay sober.

“I’m 9 months sober, but sometimes it comes knocking loud. But playing the tape right through instead of the trailer is key. Cuz the trailer looks great, but the movie looks tragic,” one commenter wrote. “Playing it forward, I learned this a few years back, a great way to stay sober,” another added.

“86 days today for me! This is incredibly good advice. Those cravings are liars, so shining a light on them is super helpful,” another commenter wrote.

It takes more than one behavioral technique for someone with a severe drinking problem to get sober. But, for those who want to stop drinking or at least be more intentional with their use, the more tools available, the better. That’s why it’s beautiful that Danielle has shared the play-the-tape-forward strategy on TikTok. Hopefully, it'll result in fewer of us falling victim to the “just one” trick our minds play on us.

Sure, having that drink will bring you instant gratification, but it can also be the starting point for an evening you’ll regret when the sun rises.

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6 tips for a successful and satisfying Dry January

More and more young people are planning to ring in the new year by cutting out alcohol for a month.

fauxels/Canva

Millions if Americans will be toasting the new year without alcohol.

The Dry January challenge as we know it has around since the early 2000s, but the idea of taking a break from alcohol the first month of the year actually has its roots in World War II. To save resources, the Finnish government initiated “Raitis Januar,” or Sober January, in 1942, encouraging people to stop drinking alcohol entirely for at least that one month.

The modern Dry January has become more and more popular as people recognize the health benefits of abstaining from alcohol and acknowledge the impulse to cut back after the indulgent holidays. According to the American Association for Cancer Research, 19% of millennials, 14% of Gen Xers 12% of baby boomers say they plan to participate in Dry January 2024. That's about 31 million Americans.

Some people find it easy to stop drinking for a month, while others find it more challenging. If you're going to try to have a Dry January, here are some tips for a successful and satisfying month.

Get clear on your 'why' and remind yourself of it often.

If you've decided to try Dry January, there must be a reason. Maybe you're on a mission to take better care of your body. Maybe you're questioning your relationship with alcohol. Maybe you feel like it's a good self-discipline exercise. Maybe you read the WHO statement that no amount of alcohol can be considered safe or healthy.

Whatever your "why" is, keep it front and center in your mind—maybe even write it down someplace—so that you can call on it if or when you're tempted to drink.

Find some yummy substitutes for your favorite drinks.

When you're trying to cut something out, it can be helpful to have something to replace it with. Decide ahead of time what you're going to order in a restaurant instead of wine or a beer. Lots of establishments offer non-alcoholic alternatives to those things, but you might also just choose a favorite soda or even just water. It's just good to go in with a plan, rather than relying on whatever sounds good in the moment because what sounds good in the moment will likely be the alcohol drink you'd normally get.

You might even decide to treat yourself to a yummy mocktail so that you don't feel like you're missing out on the festive element of drinking. Mocktails have grown in popularity so it's not an unusual request.

Read other people’s success stories.

Sometimes a little inspiration can be helpful, so reading about other people who've successfully completed a Dry January can help.There are plenty of success stories from people who have done Dry January at least once, but many who have done it each year. Testimonials like these ones from a Reddit thread can help keep you going:

"It was worth it. It was an effort to drink less, lose weight, sleep better. I lost 4 lbs, slept better, and generally had more energy and focus in the morning."

"I’ve done it the past few years and love it. Honestly the hard part is the social side and less the alcohol side. I love a beer or a whiskey when hanging but the value of a clear head in the morning is increasing with my age. I find a reset helps me temper how much I drink in general. Like, the casual couch drink on a Tuesday goes away for a while after Jan. since it’s pretty worthless."

Track how you feel (especially after the first week, which might suck).

One of the things people who complete Dry January often share is how much better they physically feel. Better sleep, less grogginess, more energy, better digestion, lowered blood pressure, weight loss and more are commonly reported. Some people experience these benefits right away, but for some it might take a bit to feel those benefits as your body adjusts to not processing alcohol. Stick with it and pay attention to how your body and brain feel without it as you go through the month.

(A word of warning: Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome can occur in heavy drinkers who stop suddenly and can be dangerous, so watch for symptoms that are concerning. According to Harvard Health, mild withdrawal symptoms include anxiety, shaky hands, headache, nausea, vomiting, sweating, and insomnia. Severe symptoms can include hallucinations, delirium, racing heart rate, and fever, and often occur within two or three days after you stop drinking. Seek medical assistance immediately if you experience symptoms of alcohol withdrawal.)


Make it a group effort.

You can go through Dry January alone, but you probably don't have to. Who among your friends and family might want to do it with you? Even if you find just a couple of people who agree to support you, that can make a big difference in how you feel about the challenge. Not drinking for a whole month can be hard if alcohol is a regular part of your life, especially your social life. Ask for help from your loved ones to provide non-alcoholic alternatives and not to put any pressure on you to drink, and if anyone is available and willing to do it with you, all the better.

If you slip up, don’t quit, just pick back up the next day.

The beauty of sobriety is that it truly is a daily (or hourly, or minute-by-minute) choice, so if you do find yourself with a drink in your hand, you haven't ruined anything. Just pick it back up the next day and move forward. No need to beat yourself up. No need to give up completely.

For some people, Dry January is a welcome break for overall wellness. Others find it eye-opening when it's a lot harder than they anticipated and use it as a wake-up call that leads to life-changing—and in some cases, life-saving—shifts in alcohol use.

Dry January may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it can be a great tool to throw into your health and wellness toolbox if you're up for it.

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Matthew Perry beautifully shared how he wanted to be remembered a year before his death

"When I die, I don't want 'Friends' to be the first thing that's mentioned."

Q With Tom Power/Youtube, Wikipedia

Matthew Perry died unexpected on Oct 28

In the wake of Matthew Perry’s sudden death by apparent drowning on Oct 28, heartfelt tributes have been rolling in commemorating the actor for his iconic comedy roles—primarily his beloved character of Chandler Bing on the quintessential millennial sitcom “Friends.”

And while his charming, sardonic onscreen persona brought endless amounts of joy for fans, he would tell it wasn’t his biggest accomplishment. In fact, none of his acting roles were.

A year prior to his death, Perry had released his memoir, “Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing,” where he opened up about his decades long sobriety journey from opioid addiction.

While promoting the book on the “Q with Tom Power” podcast, Perry revealed what he actually hoped would be his lasting legacy.

“I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in my life but the best thing about me, bar none, is that if an alcoholic or drug addict comes up to me and says, ‘Will you help me?’ I will always say ‘Yes, I know how to do that. I will do that for you, even if I can’t always do it for myself.’ So I do that, whenever I can. In groups, or one on one,” he told Power.

“I would like to be remembered as somebody who lived well, loved well, was a seeker. And [my] paramount thing is that [I] want to help people…” the actor continued, adding that his call to be of service led him to creating the Perry House in Malibu, a sober-living facility for men as well as his play, “The End of Longing,” written as a “personal message” to those struggling with addiction, or those who love someone with addiction.

And though Perry prioritized these contributions over his career, he was also a consummate realist…with a sense of humor.


“When I die, I know people will talk about Friends, Friends, Friends. And I’m glad of that, happy I’ve done some solid work as an actor, as well as given people multiple chances to make fun of my struggles on the world wide web…But when I die, as far as my so-called accomplishments go, it would be nice if Friends were listed far behind the things I did to try to help other people. I know it won’t happen, but it would be nice,” he said.

Following Perry’s passing at the age of 54, this powerful interview began making the rounds on social media once again, with countless fans noting how his words will indeed help those on the road to recovery.

Here is just a small sampling of what folks are saying:

“Rest in peace Matthew Perry. I'm sure your book will help countless other addicts and their families. We will miss your honesty, humbleness, and humor.”

“From an Irish family, full of drinking, arguments, death, I am so desperately sorry that MP has come to an early end. My son is recovering, I have sent this to him. Thank you. RIP Matthew Perry.”

“RIP. Your ability to voice how an addict feels, how their brain works, and what that means for them has helped me as I’ve processed alcoholic family members and friends’ lives. Thank you for bringing light to this.”

“His transparency and harsh honesty here about his addiction will stick with me forever. It's not easy. RIP brother.”

These are the lessons we all come to learn one way or another. One, that the human heart doesn’t necessarily measure success by fame or fortune, but by how we were able to make an impact for others. And two, that opening up about our struggles just might be the very thing to help us, all of us, heal.

Thank Matthew. For the laughs and for the honesty.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, please contact the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.

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