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After 16 years sober, Dax Shepard bravely announced a reset of his sobriety clock

After 16 years sober, Dax Shepard bravely announced a reset of his sobriety clock
Dax Shepard/Instagram

With 16 years of sobriety under his belt, Dax Shepard has served as a beacon of hope for people in recovery. With a reset of his sobriety clock last week after confessing to a slip with prescription painkillers, he still is.

The actor has been open about his addiction to alcohol and cocaine, and that transparency and honesty has undoubtedly helped many people through their own recovery journeys. But recovery from addiction is not always a one-way, detour-free road. Even people who have been sober for years must be diligent and self-aware or risk relapsing in ways that are easy to justify.

That's the scenario Shepard described in his recent podcast, in which he announced that he's now seven days sober. For people who struggle with addiction, it's a cautionary tale. He didn't take a drink, and he didn't touch cocaine. His slide into addiction relapse happened with prescription painkillers—Vicodin and Percocet. He started taking prescription pain pills after a motorcycle accident in 2012, moved to taking pills with his dad who was dying of cancer, and then came a gradual spiral of justifications, lying, gas lighting, and other addictive behaviors that enabled him to abuse those pills without acknowledging he was doing so.

Shepard laid it all out to his podcast partner, Monica Padman, last week. The way he was careful at first to only take the pills his wife, Kristen Bell, administered. Then how he'd save his two nighttime pills, because they made it hard to sleep, only to take them the next day with his morning pills to get the high he wanted. How he'd ask himself if this was a slip, start feeling like he was maybe in trouble, then convince himself he had it under control.


He talked about how easy it was to convince himself it wasn't really a problem because the pill use felt "manageable." He knew if he started drinking or doing cocaine, he'd be out of control—he understood those to be unmanageable addictions. But the pain pills didn't keep him from doing his work or his dad duties or his normal daily life, so it was easy to keep using them.

Then he explained how, after more injuries this year, his painkiller use got "shadier and shadier." He started buying pills instead of just using the ones he was prescribed. When he started lying to his loved ones and was high at his 16-year sobriety celebration earlier this month—which he called "the worst hour of my life"—he knew he was in trouble.

So in recent weeks, Shepard came clean to Bell and Padman privately and gave them all of his remaining pills. He spoke to a friend he looks up to, who frankly told him that his biggest character flaw was arrogance, that he basically thought he was smart enough to outsmart addiction. He realized the only antidote to that was extreme humility.

Shepard attended an AA meeting and shared the whole story with them as well. He said it was one of the most powerful experiences he's had ever had.

"So Tuesday really was day one. Yeah. And then, so I went to this meeting and I…man, I've known the men in this meeting for seventeen and a half years because I had many attempts before I got going. And I told my whole story and I told it honestly. And I went first and I was crying and it turned into the most incredible, like, 90 minutes I've ever experienced, where there was just so much love and there was so much understanding and kindness in unconditional love.

And it's the only—there's probably been many others—but it's the only experience I can remember having that was just grace, the definition of grace, and it was very emotional and it was a really, really surreal kind of experience.

And when it was over, I actually mentally, for the first time in a very long time, felt optimistic because for the last while, a long time, I've known intellectually that things are going to get worse, that each encounter with it has gotten more shady and more dangerous, and I recognize that the next go around would be, oh, I can't get pills, let's snort heroin. And, you know, and I've had a lot of friends that I've watched go through this whole cycle.

And I finally have the humility to say I will not be any different, I won't be special, I won't be smarter. I will be exactly like everyone else."

Then he decided to come clean publicly, despite a great deal of fear and embarrassment in doing so. He said he worried about how it affect opportunities for Kristen, how it might impact him financially due to companies that might not want to work with him now, how the bombardment of judgments about what he should have done or could have done might feel, how people who looked up to him for his sobriety might feel betrayed or misled.

He ultimately decided that total and complete honesty was the only way to go. And of course, that authenticity is what his fellow recovering addicts really need to see.


"So if you got more than seven days, you got more than me. So you're my elder and I look up to you," said Shepard. "And, you know, onward and upward for all the people who have been along on this whole journey for the last few years. I feel—and this is not to sound cheesy, but I feel the same responsibility to the people who love the show and are with us, because I think it's such an emotional connection we all have."

Congratulations on your sobriety and thank you for your honesty, Dax. Onward and upward.

You can listen to Shepard's Armchair Expert "Day 7" podcast episode here.

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Family

Mom took heat for cleaning her teen's bedroom. Her response was a lesson in grace.

She won the #CleanTok controversy.

@organizedchaos4/TikTok

"It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness."

The corner of the internet devoted to grime and muck being scrubbed away to oh-so satisfying perfection, otherwise known as #CleanTok, is mostly wholesome, cathartic fun. But every once in a while, controversy comes in.

For a mom named Audrey (who clearly has a passion for cleaning hacks, given her TikTok handle of @organizedchaos4), that moment came after she filmed herself doing a deep clean on her 12-year-old daughter’s room. Several people chimed in to accuse her of spoiling her kid, essentially.

Granted, Audrey admitted that she had posted the video “hoping that the trolls would get those thumbs a-movin’.” So when they did indeed come after her, she was ready.

“I surprised my daughter by cleaning her room for her. She's been getting herself up for 6 a.m. practices, she gets herself to school, she's out of the house before the rest of us have even woken up,” Audrey says in the clip.

“Keep in mind she's 12. In return for all that she's been doing, I thought it would be a nice treat if I just did a quick speed clean of her room. It was no big deal.”

Audrey goes on to say that the point of her follow-up video was to reiterate the importance of “extending grace.”


@organizedchaos4 When we throw empathy out the window, we throw grace out the window. If you saw the video and your first reaction was to say, “why isn’t she doing it herself?” Ask yourself, “have I EVER left a room messy because I was overwhelmed, tired, busy?” If so, then you are in no position to judge a child for the same thing. #grace #kindness #help #parenting #cleaning #kids #mom ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey


That's what I did for my daughter. She had fallen behind on her room and I helped her.,” she says. “It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness. We all have setbacks, we all have failures, we all make mistakes and if you say you don't you're lying. By extending grace we are spreading kindness, we are spreading compassion. If you can't extend grace to your own children then there's no way you're going to extend it to anyone else in the world and that's a scary world to live in.”

Audrey then argues that being kind to others often makes it “easier” to be kind to ourselves, which is “vital for our mental health.”

She then concludes, “so if you watched the video yesterday or you're watching this one today and you're thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Am I quick to judge, be resentful, be negative or am I quick to extend grace or ask yourself have I ever stumbled and wish grace had been extended to me?’”

Down in the comments, we see that Audreynis certainly not alone in her thinking.

“Kindness costs nothing and provides everything,” one person wrote.

“This will only inspire your daughter to keep working hard and give back when she has a chance to, and know she can rely on you when she struggles,” added another.

Several other moms even chimed in about doing something similar for their kids.

“Exactly I did the same thing for my 23-year-old daughter who works full-time and is a full-time college student. She’s 100% independent. I just want to take some off stress off her plate,” one mom shared

Another said, “I do this for my daughter still, and it's her house.”

As with all things in parenting, balance is key. Of course we don’t want to instill laziness, but at the same time, kids can’t be expected to overachieve in all areas, at all times. Adults can’t even manage this without a little help. Sounds like this is truly a case of a good kid acting as responsibly as humanly possible, and a mom just wanting to help out where she can, all why'll teaching her the world can be a safe place. Hard to see anything wrong with that.

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Entire neighborhood bids fond farewell to their mailman after 31 years of service

The beauty of community captured in a single video.

@blissfullbuda_/TikTok

Need something heartwarming? We got you.

With constant coverage of how we are losing a sense of interconnectedness as a society, stories of communities coming together like this one feel particularly impactful.

On Sept 21, Bill Buda had his final route as a USPS mail carrier, after 31 years of service. A video posted by his daughter, Alexa Buda, shows the entire neighborhood coming out to celebrate the milestone.

In the now-viral clip, Bill is greeted with balloons, hugs, fond farewells, kids’ drawings, tail-wagging dogs, sidewalk art, congratulatory signs, even what looks like a DIY christening with water bottles…pretty much the best sendoff ever.

"People will NEVER forget how you made them feel," Alexa Buda writes in the caption.

Down in the comments, people seconded Alexa’s statement. So many people wrote in to commend Bill for pouring his heart into his job and creating genuine relationships with those he interacted with for decades.

“This is my parents' neighborhood! Your dad was always so kind & i’ll never forget him congratulating me when he delivered my diploma from Kent State.”

“Bill, thank you for your many years of service to Oak Rd, we were out of town Saturday and we missed being able to say goodbye. You were always so friendly and kind, we really appreciated all you did. Enjoy this new chapter!”

“Your dad was always so kind to me and my husband when either of us were out running near HFS! I remember he was a mailman from when we were in grade school and I’m sure he didn’t know who I was but he was always so friendly when I’d see him.”

“Bill is the best. Loved talking with him. I ride an old motorcycle and he saw it in my garage and we talked about rides we've taken.”

“This was so amazing. We just moved to the neighborhood and liked him instantly. Happy retirement!”

Even those who didn’t know Bill were moved by seeing such fanfare.

“I’m CRYING this is so pure, congratulations to your dad. No one better than the friendly neighborhood mailman,” said one person.

Bill told Good Morning America that after being asked multiple times about his retirement, he decided to make things simple by taping a "save the date" card to his customers' doors.

But never did he expect a full blown blowout. Alexa told People that her dad’s normal route lasted an extra two hours because of all the people they would end up talking to.

“I really must have done something right to have this…it was fantastic," Bill also shared with Good Morning America.

With his near perfect attendance, checking in on those along his route (especially on elderly folks), and generally having a perpetually upbeat attitude, it’s safe to say that Bill did, in fact, do something very, very right. And got the recognition he dearly deserved.

And as Alexa shared with People, this heartwarming moment feels especially refreshing in a modern time.

“As this generation becomes more digital, genuine interactions with people are becoming rare.”

Rare, perhaps. But still happening. And still incredibly impactful.

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Woman fights to give her baby a name that her husband says is 'abusive'

Some traditions just don't feel right in 2024.

via Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels

A family fights over a baby name.

When it comes to parenting, the second most important decision—after whether to have a child or not—is choosing a name for the kid. Even though we live in times where parents are getting more and more creative about picking a name for their children, those with a more common name have a greater chance of being socially accepted than those without.

According to Psychology Today, grade-school kids with highly unusual names or names with negative associations tend to be “less popular” than those with more “desirable” names. Later in life, people with “unpopular or unattractive” names have more difficulty finding romantic partners.

A 23-year-old mother-to-be wanted to name her son Gaylord and had her family's full, passionate support, but her husband, 24, and his side of the family were firmly against the idea. The woman was looking for validation and posted about the dilemma on Reddit's AITA forum.

“In my family, our genealogy is extremely important. The firstborn son since the 1800's has been given this name. I'm well aware it's a stigmatized name today, so that's why I have agreed to using a short form,” the woman wrote.

Understanding that her son would be bullied for being called Gaylord, she decided that it would be his legal first name, but could go by Gail. Her family believed that it was acceptable for him to be known as Gail initially, but as society grows more tolerant, will be called Gaylord when he gets older.

“They see the backlash over the name today as a fad that will eventually disappear, and I agree seeing how accepting each generation tends to become,” she continued. “When society stops being so immature about it, he can start using the full name.”

The father wouldn’t even consider naming his son Gaylord, or Gail, for that matter. His family went a step further and said that naming him Gaylord or Gail would be “abusive.”

"My in-laws are telling me that even Gail isn't an acceptable boy's name and that I need to 'get with the times' and choose something more appropriate," she continued. “What happened to respecting our elders and traditions? His family doesn't have any naming traditions, so it should fall to my family that does. How could I be expected to break a centuries-old family tradition?”

The commenters were overwhelmingly against the mother’s decision.

"Use your imagination. A boy named Gaylord goes to his first day of school. The teacher does the roll call. ‘GAYLORD SMITH?’ Class breaks into giggles. Embarrassed boy says, ‘It's Gail.’ Class giggles some more, since Gail is usually a girl's name. Boy has no chance of fitting in with his classmates. His fate is sealed. He is a social pariah for life. Don't do this to him. Please,” one user wrote.

"Your name is the first thing people know about you. It’s the cover page of how people perceive you. Even if you think Gaylord will just appear on the birth certificate, you’re wrong. His legal name will have to be used on official documents, at school, on his license and passport. It will appear at the top of every resume he hands out. It’s not as simple as putting a name on paper. It’s how he is going to appear to the whole world. Gaylord is totally stigmatized and has been for decades. It’s not going away, sorry." Elinbeth added.

“Some traditions reach the point where they are no longer suitable for modern times. This is 100% that time. Pick another name," CashieBashie wrote.

After the post went viral, the mother shared that both sides of the family have tentatively agreed on a name.

“We managed to work out that Gale Gaylord would be a reasonable compromise, with Gale being the complete first name, and Gaylord being the middle name,” the woman wrote. “My husband can then add a second middle name after Gaylord if he wants. Grandpa is especially not impressed that it's being demoted to a middle name, but he did say he understands the pressure I'm facing here.”


This article originally appeared on 2.14.24

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Andrew Garfield crying while reading an essay on 'Modern Love' has everyone tearing up

This is what makes art so valuable.

Photo credit: Xfranksun

Andrew Garfield has become a fan favorite on and off-screen.

Andrew Garfield is beloved for his performances in films such as "The Social Network," "Tick, Tick, Boom" and his portion of Marvel's "Spider-Man" franchise. But he's also endeared himself to the public with his willingness to openly show emotion in real life.

In 2021, Garfield shared a moving moment with Stephen Colbert when he tenderly talked about the loss of his mom and "all of the unexpressed love" that gets expressed through grief. He also said his mother was a "warrior" for art and that she "knew the power of art and knew the power of leaving the world in a slightly more beautiful state" than she found it.

Now he's touched us again reading a story on the New York Times' "Modern Love" podcast. You can hear the emotion rising in Garfield's voice as the narrator describes some of the things that have changed about his life. Then Garfield reads a line that begins, "My parents don't drive at night anymore," and the dam breaks.

Watch:

@nytimes

"I'm sad at the transience of certain relationships in my life. I'm sad at losing my mother." The actor Andrew Garfield talked about love, loss and grief on "Modern Love." The result was a conversation unlike any other in the history of the show. Tap the link in bio to listen. #AndrewGarfield #loss #grief

Preceding this clip, Garfield and "Modern Love" host Anna Martin had been discussing Garfield's new film, "We Live in Time," which led to a discussion on big existential thoughts about life. Then he began to read the essay, "Learning to Measure Time in Love and Loss," by Chris Huntington, which led to the emotional moment.

Garfield spoke to the power of art to make us feel

When Martin asked Garfield what was hitting him so much in that part of the story, and at first he said he didn't know, that it was "mysterious."

"This is why art is so important," he said. "Because it can get us to places we can't get to any other way."

Then he went on. "It's the preciousness. It's the preciousness, as we've been talking about. And it's the longing for more. It's like we all live, we all pass with so much more to know, with so much more longing."

After this clip, he added, "I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm sad at losing anyone. I'm sad at losing anything. I'm sad at the transience of certain relationships in my life. I'm sad at losing my mother, of course, and I'm sad at the idea of losing my father…but the sadness is longing. It's true longing. And there's no shame in it."

But even as he was expressing all of these feelings, he shared that he could feel within himself a pull to put the "modern conditioning taboo on this very, very pure feeling," and that made him sad, too. "There's a part of me that's like, okay, come on now, dude, pull yourself together…but I think that is the killer. That impulse—that is not mine, that is inherited, that is conditioned from our culture—to not feel, to calcify the heart, to not reveal the heart, to not trust another person with our hearts is what gets us into trouble."

People adore Andrew Garfield for his emotional accessibility

People loved Garfield's openness and vulnerability:

"He understands life and being human better than most."

"He speaks so articulately, and seems to be in touch with his emotions. Quite beautiful."

"The empathy, the compassion for humanity. It's beautiful and heartbreaking."

"This man feels so deeply. It's amazing to see."

"His vulnerability and authenticity is so moving. He deserves the best in life."

"The way he says preciousness is so profound you can't help but relate so deep in your soul. What a beautiful clip."

"'This is why art is so important, it can get us to places we can't get to any other way.'"

i.giphy.com

That quote about art hit people especially hard. We live in a weird space where we value art deeply in our own lives, yet arts programs are often undervalued and underfunded. Even people who don't think of themselves as "artsy" enjoy art, even if they don't recognize the music they listen to, shows they watch, stories they enjoy or items they have decorating their houses as art.

But sometime art hits the way Huntington's essay hit Andrew Garfield. As he told Martin, "I feel this man's writing, and it feels like, for all of us, it feels like he's tapping into something so universal—a longing to be here."

Art reminds us of our humanity and connects us with others by tapping into feelings and experiences we share. And people who express those feelings and experiences like Andrew Garfield remind us how powerful that really is.

The full episode is worth listening to. Find "Modern Love" wherever you find your podcasts.

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Couple astonished after finding 57-year-old lost wedding footage through Facebook

What an incredible coincidence.

via Canva

An 8 mm film reel.

Aileen and Bill Turnbull, 77, were married in Aberdeen, Scotland, in 1967 and filmed leaving the church on 8mm film equipment borrowed from one of Bill’s coworkers. After the footage was developed, the couple watched it on a borrowed projector. When they returned the projector, they forgot to remove the film from the reel and it wound up in storage at the coworker’s place. The couple looked for the footage over the years, and it never turned up. They assumed it got mixed up with some of their other belongings.

In 1981, the Turnbulls moved to Brisbane, Australia.

Decades later, Terry Cheyne of Aberdeen was told by his uncle that he needed to come by and pick up his reels of 8mm military footage taken in the ‘70s that he had stored at his place. “When I left the Navy, my uncle told me he was downsizing, so I went to rescue my films and just threw them in a cupboard for years and years,” he told Claire and Pete on the Original 106 Breakfast Show.

Years later, Terry had his 8mm reels transferred to DVD and was puzzled to find that among the converted film was wedding footage of a couple he didn’t know. “Everyone had passed away and I’m the oldest in the family, so I had nobody to ask who it was,” he told the Original 106 Breakfast Show.

After retiring last year, he decided to try to find out who the couple was, so he posted a screenshot of the footage on Facebook. Six months later, it was reposted to a Facebook page for people from Mastrick, Scotland.



Five minutes after joining the Facebook page, Aileen, who grew up in Mastrick, saw the photo of herself and her husband. “I was absolutely amazed, I couldn’t believe it,” she said. “If I hadn’t done it, there’s no way I would have seen the photograph Terry put in.”

The couple later realized that Terry's uncle had lent them the projector to watch their wedding footage all those years ago. The footage got mixed up with Terry’s old 8mm film and transferred alongside the old Navy footage. Terry sent the couple a link so they could watch the long-lost footage.



"It just seems strange for me to see my mother and my father, not just in a photograph but there actually moving and walking," Aileen told BBC Scotland. “And my husband, he saw his grandmother and his grandfather, who was 100 when he died. I watched it again today, I could still recognize everybody. To look back and see these people was just absolutely amazing—I still can't believe it really.”

The story of the Turnbull’s wedding footage shows how much technology has changed in the past 57 years. In 1967, the average person couldn’t get ahold of a VHS camera and there were no smartphones or digital cameras to capture video. So, people used 8mm film stock, most of which was silent. To watch the footage, you had to use a projector and the film was fragile. It could quickly burn up if left too long in front of the projector lamp and was easy to snap and pull apart.

Terry hopes to meet the couple one day if they return to Aberdeen on vacation. "I've just been glad to help Aileen and Bill," Terry told the BBC. "They are delighted 57 years later. It's a very happy ending."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

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