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Joy

People are finding healing from woman's sweet 'welcome to girls night in your 30s' video

"This is the post every girl needs to see."

@danilyndesign/TikTok

30s look different for everyone

A 6-second video showing a handful of 30-something friends having a “girl’s night” is striking a heart nourishing nerve for millions.

In the video, posted by @danilyndesign, the camera pans over the group as the caption depicts the scene:

“Girls nights in your 30s. We're holding one girl’s babies, one girl is showing her hinge matches, while another girl is laughing about her ex husband.”

And then, Dani drives the point home:

“You’re never behind in life. You are exactly where you are meant to be right now.”


@danilyndesign Girls nights in your 30’s are what my younger self dreamed of. #girlhood #femalefriendship #girlsintheir30s #girlsnight ♬ Take My Hand - Matt Berry


With its simple yet profound message, it’s no wonder that the clip quickly racked up nearly 6.5 million views on TikTok, and spawned a ton of lovely conversations.

For one thing, people noted how it added a touch of nuance to the “it takes a village” concept. Often we think of villages as a necessity (or luxury, these days) for parents only, when in fact having a safe community is vital for everyone.

“This is ‘the village’! It's not moms at the center, it’s everyone that matters and everyone’s lives are valued and respected," one person commented.

Viewers also felt a sense of relief seeing how each chapter of life seemed to be fully embraced by the friend group. After all, everyone in their 30s has had their own personal set of milestones, challenges, heartbreaks, existential crises, that have helped shape the adult they are. Not always, but often, a lot of the arbitrary pressures we put on ourselves begin to dissolve by this age, so that we can better appreciate where we actually are in life, wherever that may be.

girls night, 30s, friends, making friends, motherhood, heartwarming, milestones, life in your 30s, first babyLadies having a girls' nightPhoto credit: Canva

“Beautiful and remember no matter where you are in the journey, we are allll just figuring it out day by day. Find joy in it wherever you can” one person wrote.

Another added, “I want to tell every woman stressed in their twenties that their thirties will be better, they just need to trust themselves and hang in there.”

“This is the post post every girl needs to see,” wrote a third. “You’re exactly where you need to be.”

For some, this particular insight came at just the write time.

“Needed this. I’m 28 turning 29. My besties are all either engaged/married with a kid and I can’t get past the talking stage. Then I remember our paths are different and I’m where I need to be right now,” confessed one viewer.

girls night, 30s, friends, making friends, motherhood, heartwarming, milestones, life in your 30s, first babyA woman showing off her engagement ringPhoto credit: Canva

Lastly, people had so much love for how this perfectly captured the immense value of long-term friendship. As one person wrote, "growing and evolving with friends is the most beautiful thing. They’ve seen so many versions of us and love them all.”

Another said, “Like in White Lotus when she said ‘I;m just happy to be at the table.’”

As cliché as it is, life truly isn’t about the destination—it’s about the journey. And those beloved relationships we cultivate along the way. We all contain multitudes, and hopefully our friend hangs can help remind us of that when we need it.

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Friendship

3 women perfectly describe what's missing in modern friendships and how to fix it

Are you falling into the 'catch up trap'?

Unsplash

There's a way around this friendship pitfall.

As I get closer (how much closer, I'd rather not say) to my 40s, I've noticed a habit forming in my friendships. With kids, work, and family obligations, I don't have as much time as I'd like to get together with friends. So when I do, there's usually a lot to catch up on. We'll often go to drinks after I put my kids to bed and catch-up on everything we've missed in each other's lives the past few months. We'll share the ups and downs, the big updates, and do lots of venting about the things that haven't gone our way. And then, when the night's over, we wait six months and do it all over again.

It's always great to see friends, don't get me wrong. But there's a big part of me that yearns for more of the moments that made us friends to begin with, whether they're friends I sat through classes with in school or goofed around with at an old job. And now I know I'm not the only one who feel this way.

Giphy

The gals at the Life Uncut Podcast just described this phenomenon perfectly: They call it the "Catch Up Trap"

The Catch Up Trap is not a new phenomenon, but never before has it been so perfectly encapsulated. On a recent episode of the podcast, comedian Tanya Hennessy chatted with hosts Laura Byrne and Brittany Hockley about this 'trap' that they've all experienced in their adult lives.

"I was just seeing friends, and the conversation was literally just a recap. I felt like i was just recapping my life back to somebody as opposed to living it with them," Hennessy said. She noted that, too often, these recaps turn into vent sessions where friends take turns railing on and on about their problems. Too much stress and not enough laughter. "I'm bored," she says. "I'm sick of talking about myself."

The hosts agreed from their own experiences that at the end of these "catch up" hangouts, they always end up feeling somewhat dissatisfied. It's great when a friendship has such a strong foundation that it can sustain itself on these fumes for years and years, but not investing in growing the friendship with new memories and experiences ends up feeling a little hollow and exhausting after a while.

Watch the discussion here in a clip from the podcast's Instagram:

Viewers connected so deeply to the gang's frustration with modern adult friendships.

Nearly 500,000 people viewed the Reel on Instagram and commented by the dozens to shout about how the conversation made them feel so seen and understood:

"Love this chat, ‘catch up’ friendships feel more exhausting than meaningful. I want to do life with my friends!!!"

"I'm in my early thirties and I've been struggling to describe what I've been feeling for the longest time, but you've done it incredibly well. It's such a shift in friendships, and so much more noticeable when they were those friends you used to hang out with several times a week, and experience most of your life with. Now they are all in relationships, which has nothing to do with it, but I've felt we've entered this phase of friendship much more since then."

"I could not agree more!!!!!! I’m so tired of talking about my problems and sharing the hard times etc, I wanna do fun things, and make memories more"

So, if you've fallen into the catch up trap in your own relationships, how can you pull yourself out of it? What should you do instead?

In short, go do something together! Have some fun, make a new memory. Don't just sit and vent over a glass of wine, unless that's the vibe you're really craving at that moment. Just don't make it the default. There's a world of possibility at your fingertips, like bowling, seeing a new movie together, or perusing an art gallery.

"Go to the zoo or something, let's go do pottery, let's go feel something together, let's have a shared experience," Hennessy said on the show. "Do we need to do something as a shared memory to actually evolve our friendship?"

Viewers agreed that while the idea sounds simple and obvious, it makes a world of difference in the depth of your relationships.

"[My friend and I] have made a conscious effort to do things and create memories together, last night we went to a pottery class and I never have laughed so hard. It was so nice to do something different and talk about something other than life," one commenter noted.

However, it's important to remember that catching up is important too. Your friends want to know what's going on in your life, with your career, with your family. You can find other creative ways to catch up more frequently (text, call, leave voice notes) and save your precious in-person hang time for stuff that's more interesting and invigorating. Some experts have even advocated for friends to come along while you do more mundane things, too. Bring a friend grocery shopping or running errands and you can catch-up and live life together at the same time.

If it sounds like a lot more work, it just might be. But having close friendships gives us more fulfillment and purpose in our lives, and it also leads to better long-term health outcomes. It'll be worth the extra effort when those old friendships are still running strong decades later instead of petering out over time.

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Family

One couple's perfect response to people asking when they're going to have kids

Choosing to have kids or not have kids is no one else's decision but yours.

Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.

She’s giving birth to a puppy.


"When are you guys going to start having kids?"

Like many couples, Carrie Jansen and her husband Nic had heard this question a million different ways, a million different times.

The pressure really started to mount when the pair, who've been together for eight years, got married three years ago. While Carrie loves kids (she's an elementary school teacher, after all), she and Nic simply aren't interested in having kids of their own. Now or ever.

"It's not what I was meant for," explains Carrie in a Facebook message. "It's like, I love flowers, and everyone loves flowers. But that doesn't mean I want to grow my own. I'm perfectly happy admiring other people's gardens."

Carrie wanted to tell her family that they don't plan on having kids but knew if she did, they'd say something like, "Oh you'll change your mind one day!" and that pesky question would keep rearing its ugly head.

marriage, adults, children, social pressure, pregnancy

Dressed to the nines on their wedding day.

Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

Rather than continue to deflect the question over and over, Carrie decided to do something a little bit different.

Since the couple was adding another mouth to feed to the family, they decided to announce it with a series of maternity-style photos, revealing the twist: The new addition was a puppy named Leelu, not a baby.

pets, viral, moms, dads, maternity, babies

Look at my newborn baby... puppy.

Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.

"My husband and I have been married 3 years and everyone is bugging us about having a baby. Close enough right?" she captioned the photos.

Her pictures went insanely viral, with many of the commenters giving her props for hilariously addressing the dreaded "kids " question.

kids, choices, population, survey

The adorable pup.

Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

"If you don't want kids, don't have kids. Seriously. Have fun with each other. I had three kids early and it's all about them now," wrote one user. "I wish people would just mind their business raising a kid ain't easy and cheap," wrote another.

"I got my husband a vasectomy for his birthday this year. Best gift ever," chimed in a third.

Carrie was overwhelmed and inspired by the viral response. "Having children is definitely a hot topic, and one that is evolving in this generation like so many other social issues," she says. "It's exciting to find others that feel the same way I do.”

Carrie is hardly alone in not wanting to have kids — in fact, a record number of women are choosing not to have kids today.

In 2014, the U.S. Census Bureau's Current Population Survey found 47.6% of women between age 15 and 44 had never had children, which is the highest percentage on record. Despite the numbers, however, because we still live in a patriarchally-driven society, women regularly face the expectation that they should be mothers, and they often are judged if they decide not to be.

Whether you want to have one kid, five kids, no kids, or a puppy, the choice should be yours and no one else's.

holidays, gifts, woman\u2019s rights, gender equality,

The holiday photo in front of the Christmas tree.

Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

No one else has the right to put pressure on you to change your body and life in a drastic way. Thankfully, because of women like Carrie — and partners like Nic — who aren't afraid to bring the subject out in the open, the expectations are slowly but surely changing.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.


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Joy

Two 87-yr-olds who've been friends for 75 years share the keys to sustaining a friendship

They could not be more precious.

Courtesy of Make Big Talk/Instagram

Barbara and Anne have known each other since grammar school.

Friendships often come and go in life as we move to new places, enter different life phases, or grow and change as people. But some friendships last through it all, weaving threads of connection and support throughout the decades. These treasured relationships give us countless shared memories—experiences, joys, and challenges—and sometimes they end up lasting longer than any other relationship a person has.

Take Barbara and Anne, for example. These two 87-year-olds went to grammar school and high school together and have been friends for 75 years. They're now both widowed and live next door to one another, and they shared with Kalina Silverman of Make Big Talk the key to seeing their friendship flourish over the years.

"We both lost our husbands. and that even brought us even closer together," shared Anne. "Now Barbara lives right next door to me, so we're hooked into each other every day, which is a good thing because in old age? Nice to have friends around you."

When asked what key is to sustaining a friendship, the women cited two things: travel and lots of laughter.

"You know, the true test of a friendship or any relationship is: Can you travel together?" said Anne.

"We laugh at the same things," said Barbara. "For instance that car right there that doesn't have a driver that's going by. I mean, we can never get over that. We just laugh so much, you know? We just do. We get a kick out of each other. We get a kick out of the people we meet, and we have met quite a few people, too, with our walks."

The women said that people will honk their horns and wave at them when they're out walking, and they'll look at each other and ask if the other knew who it was, and they have no idea.

"We can laugh about all of this," said Anne. "And we do," added Barbara.

Barbara and Anne are two of the strangers that Kalina Silverman has spoken to as the creator of Make Big Talk. So often, we engage with people only on a surface level—making small talk—but most of us yearn to engage on a deeper level. Big Talk is a way to do that.

"Big Talk is a communication approach for skipping small talk to make genuine, meaningful connections with those around you – loved ones, colleagues, classmates, teammates, community members, or even total strangers," Silverman writes on her website. "By prompting deep, open-ended questions, Big Talk conversations allow people to share life stories, lessons, and experiences, enriching relationships profoundly."

The Big Talk journey started with Silverman's desire to connect with people on a deeper level. She started experimenting conversing with strangers, which led to a TED Talk, a Fulbright scholarship, the Big Talk Question Card Game and app, workshops, an Instagram page and now an upcoming book slated to come out in the spring of 2026.

Silverman points out that Big Talk can help combat the epidemic of loneliness that so many people feel. "While technology connects us globally, it often hinders our ability to engage meaningfully in face-to-face conversations. Learning to make Big Talk not only combats feelings of isolation but also boosts communication skills, strengthens relationships, and fosters a greater sense of belonging within our communities at work, home, and school – and in the broader world."

What are some examples of Big Talk questions? Here's a handful:

What is your greatest strength?

How do you show love?

What is your next great adventure?

What idea has intrigued you lately?

What are the most beautiful sights you've seen?

If you had the freedom to do anything right now, what would you do?

Big Talk questions are open-ended (not yes/no) and designed to be answerable by anyone of any age or background. Questions like these often inspire people to share their personal stories and help build more authentic relationships. In a world where people are more technologically connected than ever but where many still feel disconnected and lonely, Big Talk questions might help bring people together in meaningful ways, forming bonds that lead to a greater sense of community.

You can see these questions in action on the Make Big Talk Instagram page and learn more about making conversations more meaningful at makebigtalk.com.

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