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habits

Mental Health

Feeling stuck in life? Real people share 10 time-tested ways to 'unstick' yourself that actually work

"Just take one thing you need to be doing, and do it for two minutes."

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Men falling into quick sand, molasses, meditation.

First of all, you're not alone. Feeling "stuck" can—and usually does—happen at any stage of life. It's not a reflection of your success status, your love attachment, or even necessarily your choices. But it can feel like you're walking in sticky molasses with no way out. These feelings could range from mere procrastination on small tasks to a bigger picture "stuckness" wherein you might feel an existential angst that seems to freeze your ability to make change.

While many therapists offer helpful solutions on how to get "unstuck," non-experts have creative ideas too, and they are surprisingly simple.

In 30 seconds flat, Stanford professor Graham Weaver shares ways to become unstuck, which he also imparts on his students. He begins by asking four questions: "What am I avoiding? I need to go right at that." So, let's say you've got mounds of paperwork on your desk and just can't bring yourself to go through it. This creates a cycle of stuckness, because until you tackle that task, you might not be able to move on to the next thing. Naming it is the first step to addressing it.

@grahamcweaver
How to get unstuck. Four simple tips. #growth #stuck #selfimprovement #mindsetmotivation #lifeadvice #personaldevelopment #goals

He then advises to ask the question, "Where do I start?" Good question, right? His answer is easy: "Translate my goal into something simple I can do today." This could merely be sending an email about a job opportunity or, ya know, going through at least a portion of that mountain of paperwork.

The third question he proposes is, "How do I 'win' today? Just write down three things I can move forward on today, and then get up and repeat that tomorrow." Your three things can be as simple or complex as you'd like. Example: Pay the minimum payment (if not all) of a bill. Send an email about a project idea. Change your sheets.

And lastly, he asks, "What are the habits that are interfering with where I want to go?" This is probably the most important and possibly most difficult when trying to assess your stuckness. (For me, it's a lack of focus. I'll begin doing something creative or practical, and then I'll start scrolling Instagram for hours. Since I can't change that, I put my phone in a drawer for as long as possible and give myself a goal of at least one hour without it. Baby steps.)

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Just recently on Reddit, someone posted the question: "How do you quickly get out of a rut situation and take actions?" They describe feeling stuck, and in part share, "I want to learn skills. I want to mainly overcome fears and complete tasks that I’ve been neglecting to do. Now I always feel like I’m not good enough. I don’t have the proper plan and basic idea how to achieve goals. So my mind automatically chooses to procrastinate, yet in the background, all I do is worry about my life problems."

Redditors recognized themselves in this statement and many had solid ideas. The first commenter suggests literal movement. "For me, the way out was exercise. To start, once I got so frustrated with myself for lying around and doing nothing that I couldn't take it anymore, I would get up and go to the gym and use that frustration to get me moving. I noticed after I went to the gym I would feel so good, both physically and mentally. This spurred me to get more things done around the house, instead of just doing nothing."

homer simpson, the simpsons, treadmill, excercise Homer tries to use the treadmill. Giphy 20th Century Fox

Another echoes Weaver's idea of creating smaller goals that can help one, as he said, "win today." This Redditor shares, "What I have found works for me is just getting something done to build momentum, even if it's a small thing. Then I layer another small thing on top of that and keep going. Some people say do the difficult things first and get it out of the way. I am not built that way. I fear what's difficult and procrastinate. So I build up to it by gaining smaller victories."

This person offers what's called The Two Minute Method. "The two minute method (it has a million other names as well) is good. Just take one thing you know you need to be doing, and do it for 2 minutes. Generally, once you get going, you'll be able to do it for longer than that. The great barrier is inertia—objects at rest want to stay at rest."

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While there were many other helpful answers from everyday Redditors, this person listed three excellent ideas in a row of things one can actually do right now to make a significant change: "If you’re on social media and often catch yourself mindlessly scrolling every time there’s a lull in the day, challenge yourself to delete the apps. For a week, for a month, etc. See how you feel!"

They add to motivate yourself through music. "If you’re a music person, put together some playlists based on the mood you’re trying to set. Need some light background noise for reading? Throw together some chill instrumental songs. Need a workout playlist? Gather all the songs that get you amped. If your library isn’t that deep you can always search for playlists on YouTube/Spotify."

And lastly, "Might sound silly, but meditation can be a great tool to help look inward, boost your morale, and set intentions for what you want to focus on. You can look up: affirmations meditation, motivation meditation, unstuck meditation."

Here's one of many meditations focused on unsticking:

guided meditation, anxiety, feeling stuck, therapy www.youtube.com, John Davisi

From Your Site Articles

motivation

Wellness

We asked people what they enjoy that others don't understand. One answer ruled them all.

Surprisingly, research shows that these people are less likely to be neurotic.

Photo credit: Canva

Some people genuinely enjoy spending lots of time alone.

Some people have quirky hobbies and interests that other might find odd, so when we asked our Upworthy audience on Facebook, "What's something that you really enjoy that other people can't seem to understand?" and over 1,700 people weighed in, it wasn't too surprising. Some people shared things like housework, cleaning and laundry, which a lot of people see as chores. Others shared different puzzles or forms of art they like doing, and still others shared things like long car rides or grocery shopping.

But what was surprising was the one answer that dominated the list of responses. It came in various wordings, but by far the most common answer to the question was "silent solitude."

alone time, solitude, being alone, home alone Sweet solitude is heavenly for some people.Photo credit: Canva

Here are a few examples:

"Feeling perfectly content, when I’m all alone."

"Being home. Alone. In silence."

"That I enjoy being alone and my soul is at peace in the silence. I don't need to be around others to feel content, and it takes me days to recharge from being overstimulated after having an eventful day surrounded by others."

"Enjoying your own company. Being alone isn’t isolating oneself. It’s intentional peace and healthy… especially for deep feelers/thinkers."

Spending time by ourselves is something some of us relish, while some of us hate being alone. Naturally, this points to the common theory of introversion vs. extraversion, but in some ways, that's overly simplistic. Even the most peopley people among us can enjoy some quality alone time, and not all introverts see time alone as truly enjoyable. (It might be necessary for an introvert's well-being, but not necessarily something they truly revel in.)

sitting alone, solitude, contemplation, being by yourself Being alone doesn't automatically mean being lonely.Photo credit: Canva

Interestingly, studies have found that people who enjoy being alone are not any more or less extraverted than those who don't, though they do tend to be less "sociable." They are also less likely to be neurotic (tense, moody, worrying types) than the generally population and more likely to be open-minded. Those characteristics are the opposite of what social norms often tell us about people who want to be alone.

"If our stereotypes about people who like being alone were true, then we should find that they are neurotic and closed-minded. In fact, just the opposite is true," writes Bella DePaulo, PhD.

being alone, reading, drinking tea, solitude It's healthy to be comfortable being alone with yourself.Photo credit: Canva

There may be lots of reasons some people like to spend time by themselves while others don't. We are naturally social creatures and need social interaction, but some of us find ourselves overstimulated by being around other people all the time. On the flip side, some people find being alone not just unenjoyable, but extremely uncomfortable, which can be a problem.

"Ideally, we should be comfortable with ourselves, alone or with others," writes psychologist Tara Well Ph.D.. "If you are uncomfortable being alone, it means you are uncomfortable being with yourself without distraction, engagement, or affirmation from others. This can be a liability in life. If you cannot be alone, you may stay in situations or make life choices that aren’t good for you in the long run, like staying in a job or a relationship, mainly because you can’t tolerate being alone while transitioning to a better situation."

woman dancing alone, enjoying alone time Enjoying your own company is a gift.Photo credit: Canva

Dr. Well also points out that people can make the most of their alone time, even if it's not something they naturally enjoy. One way is to make it purposeful, setting aside a little time daily to write in a journal, meditate, go for a walk or otherwise engage your mind and body in some form of reflection. Another is to pay attention to self-judgments that might make alone time uncomfortable and challenge them with some compassionate confrontation and counteraction with positive thoughts about yourself.

Alone time can be refreshing and rewarding, especially if it's something you naturally crave. Some people even like to take themselves out on dates or enjoy traveling by themselves. That kind of self-care can be just as important as connecting with others for our overall health and well-being. Being alone doesn't mean being a loner and it doesn't mean being lonely. Some of us genuinely like having quality time with ourselves, whether it makes sense to other people or not.

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles

personality

Community

Psychologists explain what the number of unread emails in your inbox reveals about your personality

Having thousands of unread emails is not purely "good habit vs. bad habit."

Screenshot by Annie Reneau

Does this image cause you anxiety, or is it just par for your daily course?

Email has been a regular fixture in our lives since the mid-to-late 1990s, with many of us having many different inboxes to manage from personal and work to organizations and side hustles. Our email life can become overwhelming and even exhausting, and it definitely requires some effort to maintain it, but what that effort and maintenance look like varies drastically from person to person.

Variations in email management have prompted many a debate amongst friends, particularly when one catches a glimpse of another's 20,000+ unreads on their phone and panics. "Why do you have so many unread emails?!? That would cause me so much anxiety!" says the one, while the other just shrugs and says, "I skip the ones I don't want to read and it's not worth taking the time to delete them," as if that's a perfectly reasonable approach.

What do these reactions to emails say about each person? Is one right and the other wrong? Does one have good habits and the other bad?

Some folks will make a convincing argument for orderly and organized inbox habits, touting the benefits of the "Inbox Zero" method in which you follow a few steps to keep your inbox cleared. Such habits can help those who feel overwhelmed by too many emails and can't ignore inbox clutter to feel more at ease.

But before judging those with cluttered inboxes too harshly, it's important to note that our brains don't all work the same way. For some, keeping up a clear inbox causes more stress than ignoring emails and they feel that the time and attention it takes to manage it every day isn't worth it.

Here's what psychologists have to say about people's email inbox habits and what they mean about our personalities:

First, let's look at the reality of email and how much of it is even worth our time, because we all know a lot of the email we receive is worthless. Researchers wrote in Harvard Business Review, “Of the eight hours managers devote to e-communications each week, we estimate 25% of that time is consumed reading emails that should not have been sent to that particular manager and 25% is spent responding to emails that the manager should never have answered.”

In another Harvard Business Review article citing a 2012 McKinsey analysis, researchers noted that, "the average professional spends 28% of the workday reading and answering email...that amounts to a staggering 2.6 hours and 120 emails per day."

And that's just work email. Our personal inboxes are full of junk with seemingly endless waves of email marketing and advertisements masquerading as helpful information. Some of us understand that reality and see it as all the more reason to actively manage our inboxes, while some of us see it as a reason to simply ignore most email that comes in.

A person using a smartphone and laptop with various open tabs.

Are you a filer and deleter or an ignorer?

Photo by Yogas Design on Unsplash

Research psychologist Larry Rosen, Ph.D. told Business Insider that people who routinely file and delete emails are often trying to avoid the anxiety that comes with seeing emails pile up. "A huge, exploding inbox releases stress-based neurotransmitters, like cortisol, which make them anxious," he said.

Some of that anxiety could stem from perfectionism (or vice versa) and seeing notifications build up is a reminder of everything you're not doing or able to do.

“It could be tied to feeling overwhelmed to the point that each unread notification is yet another piled task piled on top of a thousand others,” Jenn Hardy, a licensed psychologist in Maryville, Tennessee, told HuffPost.

Rosen told Business Insider that people who stay on top of their inboxes are often people with a high need for control in their lives. "They need an external way to have control over the world," he said, so the idea of just letting emails pile up willy nilly is way too stressful.

On the other hand, people who do let their emails pile up may feel an opposite kind of stress. The idea of managing it all creates anxiety, and they feel more comfortable just ignoring it. Ultimately, there have to be occasional purges, but that's preferable to the day-to-day maintenance stress for some.

“They may find this works better for them, leaves them less stressed and helps them focus their time and energy on other matters," Hardy pointed out. Social psychologist Ron Friedman told Business Insider that ignoring email "can also mean that you recognize that [monitoring and organizing those emails] isn't helping you achieve progress," adding that recognition is "a sign of intelligence."

Email ignorers might also just be more relaxed personality types in general. More Type B than Type A.

“They may be less of a perfectionist type and go more with the flow,” Lena Derhally, a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in social media and anxiety, told HuffPost. “They may not see having unread notifications or clear inboxes as a priority, and they may not feel bad/guilty/shameful about being unresponsive.”

The one solid argument for keeping your inbox under control regardless of your personality type is the environmental impact of data storage. Deleting emails may be fairly low on the rung of carbon to-dos, but it's a simple one that anyone can do. Plus, using the environment as an incentive to clean up your email habits might be helpful for people who actually want the "Inbox Zero" life but have a hard time getting motivated to do it.

What's funny about all of this is how people's email worlds can be completely alien to one another. My friends look at my unread email notifications and chastise me for causing them anxiety (even though they're my inboxes, not theirs—just seeing the number in the bubble on my phone stresses them out). I, on the other hand, cannot even conceptualize how they keep all of their email inboxes cleaned up every day. Like, does not compute even a little bit.

It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round, so as long as people are happy with their chosen methods, we can stop judging and even celebrate the differences in our inbox habits.

This article originally appeared on 6.6.24

From Your Site Articles

habits

Joy

Self-proclaimed 'master procrastinator' takes us on a tour of his mind. It's so relatable.

The war between "Instant Gratification Monkey" and "The Panic Monster" is real.

Credit: TED/YouTube

Tim Urban giving his "Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator" TED Talk in 2016

Procrastination is a common but baffling phenomenon that doesn't make logical sense but most of us engage in to some degree. We know we need to do something that we don't really feel like doing, so we put it off until we have no choice but to hustle and get it done.

But some of us are habitual procrastinators to the point where we put off things we desperately don't want to procrastinate on. Unless it's something fun or super interesting, a task will get delayed until the last minute, when our panic causes a superhuman ability to kick in that enables us to complete the task in record time. Then we kick ourselves for creating so much stress over procrastinating something that we could have simply done earlier.

One such "master procrastinator," Tim Urban, gave us a glimpse inside his mind with an entertaining and oh-so-relatable TED Talk. Using rudimentary illustrations, self-deprecating humor and characters like Rational Decision-Maker, Instant Gratification Monkey and The Panic Monster, Urban demonstrates what happens in a procrastinator's brain at every point in the process.

Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Urban begins by explaining how he wrote papers in college, not gradually doing a little work on it each day but rather doing it all right before it's due. But then he had a 90-page thesis to write, which should take a year. Theoretically, you would do a little at a time, building up over the course of the school year with a bigger push toward the end. But Urban kept struggling to get started, pushing his plan further and further, until he had only three days to get it done.

"And so I did the only thing I could," he said. "I wrote 90 pages over 72 hours, pulling not one but two all-nighters—humans are not supposed to pull two all-nighters—sprinted across campus, dove in slow motion and got it in just at the deadline."

Spoiler: It wasn't good.

The three characters that live in the mind of a procrastinator

Now a writer and blogger, Urban wanted to explain to non-procrastinators what happens in the brain of a procrastinator. He showed that a normal person's brain has a Rational Decision-Maker at the helm, whereas a procrastinator has both a Rational Decision-Maker and an Instant Gratification Monkey. When the Decision-Maker makes the rational decision that it's time to get some work done, Instant Gratification Monkey resists.

"He actually takes the wheel, and he says, 'Actually, let's read the entire Wikipedia page of the Nancy Kerrigan/ Tonya Harding scandal,because I just remembered that that happened,'" Urban says. "'Then we're going to go over to the fridge to see if there's anything new in there since 10 minutes ago. After that, we're going to go on a YouTube spiral that starts with videos of Richard Feynman talking about magnets and ends much, much later with us watching interviews with Justin Bieber's mom. All of that's going to take a while, so we're not going to really have room on the schedule for any work today. Sorry!'"

media.giphy.com

He explains that the monkey is only interested in two things: Easy and Fun. That causes a conflict when Rational Decision-Maker knows that we need to do something to reach a goal and have a good outcome.

"For the procrastinator, that conflict tends to end a certain way every time, leaving him spending a lot of time in this orange zone, an easy and fun place that's entirely out of the Makes Sense circle. I call it the Dark Playground. Now, the Dark Playground is a place that all of you procrastinators out there know very well. It's where leisure activities happen at times when leisure activities are not supposed to be happening. The fun you have in the Dark Playground isn't actually fun, because it's completely unearned, and the air is filled with guilt, dread, anxiety, self-hatred—all of those good procrastinator feelings."

So how does a procrastinator get out of the Dark Playground? The Panic Monster, of course. Asleep most of the time, The Panic Monster comes out when a deadline gets too close and there's some scary consequence, be it public embarrassment or a career disaster, that looms. The Panic Monster is the only thing Instant Gratification Monkey is afraid of. When he shows up, the monkey flees, allowing Rational Decision-Maker to take the steering wheel once again.

"And this entire situation, with the three characters, this is the procrastinator's system," Urban explained. "It's not pretty, but in the end, it works."

Procrastination without deadlines is actually harder to manage

However, he added, there are actually two kinds of procrastination—the kind with a deadline, where The Panic Monster inevitably always shows up, and the kind where there is no deadline, which means The Panic Monster stays asleep.

"It's this long-term kind of procrastination that's much less visible and much less talked about than the funnier, short-term deadline-based kind," Urban shared. "It's usually suffered quietly and privately. And it can be the source of a huge amount of long-term unhappiness and regrets." He said that he had heard from people who struggle with this kind of procrastination and come to the conclusion: "The frustration is not that they couldn't achieve their dreams; it's that they weren't even able to start chasing them."

Urban concluded his talk by sharing a visual of boxes, each representing a week of a 90-year life.

"That's not that many boxes, especially since we've already used a bunch of those," he said. "So I think we need to all take a long, hard look at that calendar. We need to think about what we're really procrastinating on, because everyone is procrastinating on something in life."

People in the comments appreciated feeling seen, even though many of them said they'd had the video saved to watch for months or years before finally getting around to it.

media.giphy.com

"Really the worst part of being a procrastinator is the guilt you endure everyday. Man it legit hurts."

"'The frustration wasn't that they couldn't achieve their dreams, but they weren't even able to start chasing them.' That one sentence has beautifully and effectively summed up my feelings in a way I haven't been able to."

"The worst feeling is being in the dark playground and something makes you think of the stuff you have to do. You just get that quick hit of anxiety."

"As a procrastinator I often feel like everybody else is moving forward and im just standing still."

"He just explained my whole life in 14 minutes."

Urban's talk doesn't offer much in the way of solving the procrastination problem, but he does have a whole long blog post on his website, complete with more illustrations, with advice for reducing the procrastination habit. Find his "How to Beat Procrastination" tips here.

From Your Site Articles

human behavior

Health

7 things that are labeled 'bad habits' but are actually proven to be good for you

In moderation, of course.

Photo credit: Canva

Work naps? Not a bad habit.

The success of “Atomic Habits” and a million other books about forming good habits or breaking bad ones should tell us something about how much humans think about our habits. We all have things we wish we did more or wish we did less, but what if some of our notions of good habits vs. bad are just…off?

Some things that are traditionally labeled as bad habits can actually be good for you, but they've gotten a bad rap for some reason. So when someone asked Reddit for examples of habits that are counted as "bad" but are actually good, people delivered.

Here are 7 of the most popular answers:

Fidgeting

How many kids were forced to sit still in school, internalizing the message that shaking your leg or foot or fidgeting in their seat was a bad habit? Turns out, movement like that is actually good for you. We've all heard that sitting is the new smoking, and tapping your toes or rocking in your chair helps keep your blood moving and protect your arteries from some of the harms posed by being too sedentary.

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"Shaking/vibrating your leg when you have to be sitting for a long time, gets the blood moving, better than being completely stationary for hours."

"It's also useful when my toddler wants to be bounced. I just put him on my already shaking leg and it keeps going."

"As someone with ADHD, this is good news!"

"As a wise man once said, 'Motion is lotion.'"

"I have two relatives who are doctors. They both did an elder-care rotation and said 'Motion is lotion: you stop moving, you die' really resonated with their patients."

Crying

How many children heard "Big boys don't cry" or "Stop that crying or I'll give you something to cry about?" growing up? Much like "stop fidgeting," those admonitions weren't just unkind or unrealistic, they were also wrong. Crying can be beneficial, helping to relieve stress and restore emotional balance.

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"Crying actually helps ease pain, physically and emotionally."

"Yes and I heard our tears actually contain stress hormones, so it’s literally helping our body reduce cortisol! That’s why we 'feel better after a good cry.'"

"We evolved to both sweat and cry in order to survive in the world. Our bodies use both to keep us alive and biologically calibrated. Sweating and crying helped us outperform and outrun our predators and prey, and helped us build cohesive bonds, work as units, and build civilizations.

As a US Marine, this information is literally the difference between life and death not just in ourselves, but the life and death of others too."

Napping at work

Okay, not necessary at work, though that would be good, too. But at during a work break, a short nap can revive and refresh you. According to the Mayo Clinic, a short nap in the early afternoon is the best nap for getting the benefits of napping without messing with your nighttime sleep.

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"Taking a nap during lunch breaks. Some look down on it but I get a lot of energy from it."

"Sometimes its not really about falling asleep. Just closing your eyes, laying back and purging any thoughts from your mind is enough."

"All of Asia has done this forever. You ever spend time at an office in China? It's almost eerie how quiet and dark it gets at lunch time, dudes roll out cots from under their desk and zonk out for a solid hour."

"At work we have these privacy pod things in our cafeteria that are super comfortable, so I take a nap there most days. Definitely needed haha."

Being lazy

Doing nothing all the time is definitely not healthy, but in our go, go, go society that places enormous value on "productivity," carving out some "do nothing" time is actually beneficial. Rest and relaxation are an important part of a balanced life, and there are genuine health benefits to doing nothing.

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"Being lazy from time to time. Sleeping in. Just doing nothing. There are so many 'hustle' adds and posters everywhere. My GF and some of my friends fill so much their schedule that there is barely any time for rest or enjoying a book or a game or smth. Me, having pretty busy everyday life I always make sure to have at least 10 or more hours a week to do nothing productive. Enjoy life, nature, friends, alone time, watch stupid videos, play games."

"It’s funny, when I was younger I had a ton of free time, and always felt like it was important to be productive and make use of it. Often a bit of guilt if I sat around for hours. Now my days and weekends are filled with responsibilities and events and things going on without me even explicitly trying to fill them, and I find that anytime I have nothing to do feels amazing. If I happen to get a day where I’m totally by myself and nothing is planned I will happily play 8 hours of video games and not feel like a moment was wasted."

"Near my house, there's a small meadow sourrounded by trees, where you can't hear any sounds from the nearby village and road. In summer it's just leaves rustling and insects buzzing. I go there every now and then, kick off my shoes, lie on a blanket in the shade and think of nothing.

My wife and kids don't get how I can just doze off and spend an entire sunny summer afternoon just being at ease with myself, but it recharges my batteries like nothing else does."

Talking to yourself

Traditionally speaking, talking to yourself in public has been seen as an oddity at best and a sign of a mental disorder at worst. But research shows that talking out loud to yourself can actually help with organization, focus and attention, emotional regulation and more.

via GIPHY

"Talking to yourself, although it can be taken as a sign of loneliness, also helps you concentrate and organize ideas, of course, without overdoing it."

"Ppl call me crazy for it but this is what gets me clarity so f them lol. Talking to ourselves is one of the best ways to understand the situation/idea/whatever it is as much as it helps us to understand our own selves and well,who wouldn’t want to have a good relationship with their own selves?"

"I do this when driving alone! Helps me process my emotions and thoughts."

"Talking to yourself! People think it’s weird or a sign of being scatterbrained, but honestly, it’s super helpful. Whether I’m working through a problem, organizing my thoughts, or just giving myself a pep talk, it makes things clearer. Saying things out loud helps me process info better and stay focused. Plus, it’s like having a personal brainstorming session. So yeah, if you catch me chatting with myself, just know I’m getting stuff done!"

Staying up late

Ben Franklin famously said, "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise," and people have run with that for centuries. But there's no inherent virtue in going to bed early and waking up early, and some people's natural rhythms put them on a later cycle. Not only that, but some research shows that night owls have superior cognitive function compared to early birds. (Don't worry, morning larks. You're still awesome.)

i.giphy.com

"Staying up late. Some people have different circadian rhythms and it makes evolutionary sense that in order for a population to thrive you couldn’t all be asleep at once."

"Took me a life time to figure this out. Growing up I always struggled to make it to school without having a disgusting lack of sleep. Often I’d be in bed at 1230-1 am and have to be up at 6.

That habit made its way into adult life when I graduated college and got myself a 9-5. I remember having the worst anxiety on Sunday because Friday/saturday I was actually able to sleep from 2 am till 9 am, but Sunday I’d have to try and force myself back to sleep early.

Then five years ago I got a bartending job. At first I worked from 9 pm till 2 am, but going to bed at 3-4 am wasn’t optimal. Eventually I found work where I was leaving work at 930-10 pm. Perfect. Now I have time before and after work to relax, I go in for six hours, make $200-300 and come home.

Work has never been more relaxing. And I’ll never sacrifice my sleep for the sake of working “normal” hours."

"There's also the fact that prior to the industrial revolution, most cultures had two sleeps technically. You would wake up for 1-3 hours in the middle of the night, they called it "the watch". We spent eons sleeping and waking this way, only stopped about 130 years ago. The negative effects are showing."

Gaming

Back in the 80s and 90s, grownups were convinced that video games were going to be the downfall of the world. The research is always evolving on this front, but what we have learned is that moderate video game playing can actually have some benefits. For instance, one study of nearly 2,000 kids found that playing video games for three hours a day was correlated with better performance on cognitive skills tests involving impulse control and working memory than never playing video games. All things in moderation, of course, but gaming itself isn't the boogeyman it was made out to be.

via GIPHY

"Gaming (in moderation). Studies have shown it improves problem solving, critical thinking, multi tasking, decision making, hand-eye coordination, spatial awareness, memory, and concentration."

"Video games. Proven to relieve stress and tension, and is an acceptable outlet for your emotions which doesn’t hurt any real people."

"Most ppl who criticise games who play you much would then go on to scroll Instagram brain rot for just as much time per day. Out of the two, excessive gaming is much better than excessive social feed."

"Gaming is healthy - so long as it doesn't prevent you from a variety of other healthy activities!"

Maybe it's time to rethink a lot of our behaviors that have been labeled as bad habits but might actually be good.

From Your Site Articles

habits

Health

People share the pandemic-born habits they still maintain. It's such a positive vibe.

Nice to see the good things that came out of quarantine.

Photo credit: Canva

Some things the pandemic shutdowns gave us have stuck.

When we think about what life was like in 2020…well, most of us don't really want to think about that, do we? The COVID-19 pandemic turned our lives upside down and tossed us into uncharted waters as the world learned in real-time what a highly contagious outbreak of a potentially deadly virus meant for our sense of normalcy.

When we were asked to observe social distancing, many of us spent a lot of time at home with a lot of extra time on our hands. It was hard, but it was also a reset of sorts—an opportunity to take stock of our personal habits and make changes we may have been to busy or distracted or unmotivated to make. Some people took that opportunity and ran with it, establishing new habits of body and mind that they've managed to maintain since.

Someone on Reddit asked, "What’s a habit you picked up during quarantine that you still maintain?" and the responses are a celebration of the positive things that came out of the pandemic and proof that change is possible.

Here were some of the most motivational responses:

Getting in shape

"I picked up running as a hobby/acceptable excuse to leave the house. I’ve since lost fifty pounds and am now training for a half marathon. So, there’s that."

woman running outside Lots of people started exercise routines during the pandemic.Photo credit: Canva

"I'm in the same boat, I took up weightlifting during the pandemic, lost 30kgs (66lbs) and gained a new healthy habit."

"I picked up Disc Golf for my outdoor hobby during COVID. Been playing every weekend ever since. Feel so much better!"

"So this is pretty lame but, for most of my life (starting in probably middle school) I always carried my wallet in my right hand back pocket. I was so used to sitting on it that it became almost comforting. Didn’t really need my wallet for months on end during Covid and was probably wearing sweats with no back pocket when I did need it. I can’t stand having my wallet in my back pocket now so I’m a front pocket wallet guy now."

A healthy work-life balance

"I’m sure I’m not the only one, but my work/life balance was forcefully re-prioritized in the best way, and I don’t think I’ll ever give an actual fuck about a job or money ever again. I mean I care to the extent that I want to try and do good work, and obviously I care about money to the extent that my bills need paid, but I realized there are plenty of jobs out there and plenty of time to advance my career. I only have one family though, and my kids are kids for a very finite amount of time.

I’ll never again skip a family outing for an extra shift, nor stay late because 'this really needs done'” Nah man, it’s 5 pm and that can be tomorrow’s problem; I’m late for home."

"The way I see it, nobody i work with will remember or care if I work late every day. But my family will."

"This was a big one for me. Life exists outside the office. When reflecting on one's life, no one says "I wish I had spent more time at work." I go hard at work so I can be lazy at home."

Embracing the work-from-home wardrobe

"Having a wardrobe of nice 'work pyjamas.' 😂"

"I call it 'business sloppy.' Button up shirt. Track pants."

man in shirt and tie with pajama pants Three cheers for business sloppy.Photo credit: Canva

"They make dress pants out of sweatpants materials now. Also there’s very little difference between my elastic waist linen dress pants and my flannel pajamas. I threw out all of my old work pants."

"The term 'Dayjamas' has stuck with me hard, especially since I now work remote."

"Fully this. Before covid I would come to the office in nice dresses, skirts, pants, maybe even a button down or a polo. My hair and makeup would be done and I’d be accessorizing, etc. After we came back to the office post covid they were lucky if the unwashed black leggings I wore didn’t have holes in them."

"I now own more leggings and sports bras than everrrr. 😊 And leggings go with everything. Right? It took me a really long time to put real pants on. I hate real pants now."

"Comfy bras only."

Learning new things

"I was a bit late to discover all the things my smartphone could do. During the pandemic, I was mentally unwell, nuff said, and I was on my phone for days on end, searching for games, and payday loans and other crap.

I came across Duolingo, and as I had always wanted to learn French, I started, and got my daily dopamine hits. I got up to 664 days, past my illness too, but then took about 10 months of casual learning before picking up the daily streak again, and now I am 347 days on my second attempt at a lengthy streak, and I'm starting a Diploma of Modern Languages - French in 2.5 weeks."

french program on computer Some people started learning another language.Photo credit: Canva

"Learning German on Duolingo. Now I have 1700 days without pause 😎"

"I picked up cooking new recipes, which has become a fun and creative outlet that I still enjoy."

Good hand hygiene

"Wash my hands more often."

"I’ve washed my hands so much that I uncovered nightclub stamps from the 90’s."

"Hand sanitizer in the car at all times. Particularly after activities like pumping gas and grocery shopping."

"Yes I always washed my hands before eating and all that but now I also wash as soon as I get home. Seems kind of the equivalent of taking your shoes off when you get home."

someone washing their hands We're all better hand washers now, hopefully.Photo credit: Canva

"I used to be the 'germs have never hurt me yet' guy who'd share straws and drinks and let you spit on me if you asked nicely enough or it would be funny for a bit. Then covid happened and I found out just how bad most people actually are, I couldn't believe the backlash we got from telling people to wash their hands and since then, unless you're family you're staying at a distance."

Letting go of FOMO

"I get like zero FOMO ever now."

"JOMO. Joy Of Missing Out."

"Avoiding large crowds, and people in general."

"Saying no to social engagements I don't want to attend."

"Too true. Before Covid I attended every wedding my friends/family invited me to, afterwards…nah I’m good."

Odd little permanent changes like this guy's wallet placement shift

man putting wallet in front pocket Front pocket is better for your back.Photo credit: Canva

A surprising number of people related to that one—keeping your wallet in your back pocket can put undue stress on the spine over time and makes it easier to be pickpocketed. Little things like this can make a big difference.

Not all of the responses were positive, of course. Some people picked up some unhealthy habits, too. But the pandemic pause gave us a disruption that enabled big shifts in behavior or habit, which many people are still benefiting from. While we definitely wouldn't wish to go through all of that again, it's nice to know that some good came out of it.

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Positive psychology expert shares how her simple 'Monday Math' can help you live your best life

It's a positive wake-up call.

via Matthias Cooper

A woman enjoying her life.

It can be frustrating to feel motivated enough to pursue your dreams when your life is already packed with responsibilities and you have a limited amount of energy and attention. But we all have those things in life we’ve always wanted to do, such as learning a skill, traveling, or becoming more physically and mentally fit.

Jodi Wellman, who has a Master’s degree in applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and founded Four Thousand Mondays, coaches people on how to be more motivated by facing their limited time on Earth.

The concept may seem a bit morbid initially, but she says that when people honestly appraise their mortality, it’s great for long-term motivation. “My top tip is to get granular with what I call mortality math,” Wellman told CNBC Make It. “So we have to get really in tune with the temporary nature of our lives ... because otherwise, we won’t take action, we will languish.”

Wellman has a calculator on her site that shares the number of Mondays you have left based on current life expectancy. (The following is a calculation for a 47-year-old man.)

get motivated, four thousand mondays, jodi wellman

The number of Mondays a 47-year-old man has left.

via Four Thousand Mondays

Wellman believes that when we truly understand we can only put things off for so long, we are more likely to follow our passions. “Later is an elusive time that may never come,” Wellman said. It’s also worth considering that some of the Mondays come when we’re older when it's more difficult to travel or do things that require physical strength.

“If you were going to die tonight, what would you wish you had taken action on? Maybe there’s an opportunity to start that today,” she added.

Mondays help put our lives in perspective. For many, it’s the first day back at work after the weekend, when it's time to get back on task, make new plans, start a new habit, or take on new responsibilities. Knowing there are only so many left can be a great motivator.

Wellman’s Four Thousand Mondays philosophy is based on the psychological concept of temporal scarcity, which states that it can be challenging to find joy in some of life’s pleasant experiences unless we know that they will come to an end.

It’s also based on the Freudian principle that we tend to seek pleasure and avoid pain and we will go to great lengths to prevent momentary pain. This can hinder us from pursuing our dreams which might involve a bit of initial discomfort.

By counting the number of Mondays we have left, we can avoid having painful end-of-life regrets when we realize that time is running out on our dreams. Wellman hopes that her philosophy provides a wake-up call for people to start living the life they always wanted because it’s later they think.

“We can fathom our deathbed regrets, for example, to sprinkle that dose of ‘oh sh**’ we need to take action in our lives,” she wrote on her blog. “We can focus on our limited lifespans and live with verve and vigor, to avoid the pain and heartache of a lackluster life we didn’t try hard enough to enjoy. In short, we will brazenly embrace the dark side… like a sneaky shortcut to the bright side.”

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Fidgeting

Crying

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People share the pandemic-born habits they still maintain. It's such a positive vibe.

Nice to see the good things that came out of quarantine.

Getting in shape

Embracing the work-from-home wardrobe

Learning new things

Good hand hygiene

Letting go of FOMO

Odd little permanent changes like this guy's wallet placement shift

Positive psychology expert shares how her simple 'Monday Math' can help you live your best life

It's a positive wake-up call.

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We have a small favor to ask of you

habits

"Just take one thing you need to be doing, and do it for two minutes."

Surprisingly, research shows that these people are less likely to be neurotic.

Having thousands of unread emails is not purely "good habit vs. bad habit."

The war between "Instant Gratification Monkey" and "The Panic Monster" is real.

The three characters that live in the mind of a procrastinator

Procrastination without deadlines is actually harder to manage

In moderation, of course.

Fidgeting

Crying

Napping at work

Being lazy

Talking to yourself

Staying up late

Gaming

Nice to see the good things that came out of quarantine.

Getting in shape

Embracing the work-from-home wardrobe

Learning new things

Good hand hygiene

Letting go of FOMO

Odd little permanent changes like this guy's wallet placement shift

It's a positive wake-up call.