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Father of LGBTQ kids has a perfect response to homophobic new neighbor who tried to shame him

It was a colorful response, to say the least.

Photo by Jasmin Sessler on Unsplash

Dad responds to rude neighbor with rainbow flags.

Sometimes, when we encounter unsavory behavior from others, a response is warranted. But the real art is responding in a way that’s clear, strong, and yet still peaceful. For an example of this, look no further than Xander’s dad, who was on the receiving end of hate from his neighbor. Rather than spewing back the same amount of vitriol, his colorful comeback had courage, wit and just the right amount of flair.

As Xander tells us in the video, the retort came after the neighbor told his dad that having two gay kids (Xander’s sister Claire is a lesbian) meant he “failed as a parent.” “So dad took a moment then replied with this…” the onscreen text reads. Next thing you know, Xander’s dad can be seen filling his backyard with huge (like, parade-level huge) rainbow pride flags. A dozen of them at least.

The video ends with the words: “No, saying things like that does.”

@fitxander

Some AWESOME shade from my dad 😂🌈 #gay #dad @claire_training


In another video, we learn that the not-so-friendly neighborhood watch told his dad that he wasn’t allowed to fly “gay flags” anymore.

@fitxander

Follow me on IG for more 🌈 #lgbtq #gay #pride


But rather than accept defeat—or resort to cruelty—he simply looked at the rules, only to discover that his house was actually outside the map by 2 meters (6.5 feet). So up the pride flags went! And even more this time!

Flag responses seem to run in the family. In another video, Xander explains that his neighbor (where have all the friendly ones gone?) said he couldn’t sell his house because of the small window-sized trans flag hung near the roof. So Xander got an even bigger one that covered the entire back side.

Are gay people more likely to have gay siblings than straight people?

In another video, Xander introduced his sister, who is a lesbian, begging the question, is it more likely for gay people to have a gay sibling than a straight person? Research says yes. Gay women and men are more likely to have gay siblings than straight women and straight men. Somewhere between 7 to 16% of gay people also have a gay sibling.


@fitxander

We really did say this. What were we thinking! #gay #lesbian #gaysiblings

Pride Flags have long been a nonviolent way to stand up for the LGBTQ community. And yet, they still manage to whip up plenty of heated controversy, particularly at schools. The original eight colors all had a specific meaning, and only one color (pink) denoted sexuality. Meaning that the pride flag was and is just as nuanced and dynamic as the people it represents.

The flag has taken on many different forms over the years as it evolves to speak for more marginalized communities, but it remains a peaceful and artistic form of protest. One that always seems to get the message across.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Congress just slammed the 'gay purge' in Chechnya. What's Trump's breaking point?

It's been seven months to the day since The New York Times published an alarming report about state-sanctioned violence targeting queer men in Chechnya.

The Times, citing Moscow-based newspaper Novaya Gazeta, had reported men believed to be gay or bisexual were being arrested and killed en masse by Chechen officials. At least 100 people — but likely many, many more — have been swept up in the region's "gay purge."

Russia police arrest an LGBTQ activist in 2015. Photo by Dmitry Serebryakov/AFP/Getty Images.

The situation, it seems, hasn't improved.

Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov has denied any wrongdoing, claiming, incredulously, the region doesn't even have any LGBTQ people. Human rights groups in and around Chechnya have said the arrests, torturing, and killings have continued throughout the summer and early fall. Last week, reports surfaced that Russian singer Zelimkhan Bakayev — who'd visited Chechnya for a wedding in August — went missing; some have speculated he may be dead.

Finally, Congress is speaking up.

On Oct. 30, the U.S. Senate passed a resolution slamming Chechnya for allowing its gay purge to continue.

The measure follows a nearly identical and unanimously approved resolution passed in the House in June, calling on Chechen officials to stop targeting queer men and bring those accountable to justice. Admittedly, these measures are largely symbolic, but they're important nonetheless: They help keep the issue on the world's radar and legitimize the claims that the violence is actually happening — despite Chechen and Russian officials deflecting responsibility.

Sen. Ed Markey of Massachusetts (foreground), who, along with Sen. Pat Toomey, introduced the resolution on Chechnya to his colleagues. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

Calling for officials to end the purge immediately, the Senate's resolution puts pressure on Russia (which oversees semi-independent Chechnya) to protect the rights of all of its citizens, while also demanding the U.S. continues to condemn the abuses until justice is served.

It's that last part that's particularly noteworthy.

While both chambers of Congress have spoken out on Chechnya, Trump has remained silent.

Many other world leaders — including French President Emmanuel Macron, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau — have strongly condemned Chechnya's gay purge and taken concrete steps to help Chechens in need.

So why — seven months after we first learned this abuse is taking place — is Trump still remaining silent?

Photo by Nicholas Kamm/AFP/Getty Images.

There's no good answer, really.

The president hasn't been an ally to gay Americans, of course, but the Congressional resolutions gained support from even the staunchest anti-LGBTQ legislators in the House and Senate. Some have pointed to the president's cozy relationship with Vladimir Putin, speculating that Trump is hesitant to rock the boat with the Russian president by confronting him on Chechnya. Whatever the reason, his indifference on the matter is sending a clear message.

"If Chechnya has indeed begun persecuting gay men, as international reports suggest, it is precisely because the government recognizes that the U.S. won’t organize any opposition," Samar Habib wrote for The Washington Post in May.

Here's how you can help.

Share stories like this with family and friends. Let your reps know you appreciate them taking action and demand that they put pressure on the president to do the same. Support LGBTQ advocacy groups pressuring Trump to speak up. Tweet at Trump. Write and call his White House. Force him to confront this issue.

Trump's silence may be overwhelming, but so are the voices demanding he act.

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As Trump remains silent, France welcomes its first gay Chechen refugee.

What's happening in Chechnya right now is horrifying.

Since April, reports from a Moscow-based newspaper have trickled out detailing a quiet crackdown on men in Chechnya — a semi-independent state within the Russian Republic — based on their perceived sexual orientations.

The details are more than alarming.

Russian police arrest activists at an LGBTQ rights protest in Moscow in 2015. Photo by Dmitry Serebryakov/AFP/Getty Images.

At least 100 gay and bisexual men with "nontraditional" sexual practices have been rounded up, tortured, and even killed in undisclosed facilities that activists have compared to modern-day concentration camps. While some men have been fortunate enough to get visas and escape in recent days, the situation remains dire.

Chechen officials have denied it's happening despite independent reports from news outlets and human rights groups on the ground in the region. They've even denied LGBTQ people exist in Chechnya.

To the newly elected president of France, Emmanuel Macron, enough is enough.

France has officially opened its doors to the gay and bisexual Chechen refugees whose lives are at risk.

Speaking to news outlet France Info on May 29, Joel Deumier, the head of gay rights group SOS Homophobie, confirmed the first of many expected LGBTQ refugees from Chechnya had arrived in France.

To many French groups trying to shed a light on the atrocities in Chechnya, this is a critical step forward.

Activists with Amnesty International hold a sign that reads "Stop homophobia in Chechnya" in Paris. Photo by Geoffrey Van Der Hasselt/AFP/Getty Images.

Although it's progress worth celebrating, the news isn't all that surprising given Macron's stances on refugee and immigration policy.  

As a candidate, the president called for France to take in its fair share of Syrian refugees, proposed state-run language classes to help integrate new arrivals, and spoke openly about mending relations between the French government and the country's Muslim population, Al Jazeera reported.

The same day France began welcoming Chechen refugees, Macron blasted Russia's lack of action on the matter — with Vladimir Putin right at his side.

The two leaders were in Versailles, France, to discuss world matters. But even as things turned tense during a joint press conference, the French president decided he wasn't about to play nice just because he was hosting the Russian leader.

Photo by Geoffroy Van Der Hasselt/AFP/Getty Images.

"I emphasized to President Putin ... how important it is for France to respect all people, all minorities," Macron told reporters. "We spoke about the cases of LGBT people in Chechnya. ... I told President Putin what France is expecting regarding this issue, and we agreed to regularly check on this subject."

With his pointed remarks, Macron joins the growing list of world leaders speaking out against Chechnya and Russia.

Notably absent from that list? President Donald Trump.

Photo by Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images.

While heads of state like Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and German Chancellor Angela Merkel have publicly and strongly condemned Chechnya's crackdown on gay and bisexual men, Trump has remained silent.

But just because Trump is failing men in Chechnya doesn't mean Americans are standing idly by.

Here's how you can help:

  • Support the Russian LGBT Network. They're a Moscow-based group providing vital relief to Chechen men trying to escape persecution.
  • Call your representatives in Washington. Few senators or members of Congress have spoken out on the issue, and even fewer have taken concrete steps forward to do something about it.
  • Sign and share this petition by OutRight. The group is pressuring energy companies with lots of influence in Russian politics — like Exxon, BP, and Shell — to speak up about the injustice unfolding behind closed doors.
  • Tweet. A lot. Tweet at Donald Trump (@realDonaldTrump, @POTUS, and @WhiteHouse) and the State Department (@StateDept) to demand that our country act.
  • Refuse to stay silent. Men in Chechnya are being silenced. They need you to be their voice now more than ever.
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Trump's been silent; Putin's shrugged it off. But you should care about Chechnya.

Chechnya wants to 'eliminate' its gay population by the end of May. We can't sit back and watch.

If you've found it difficult to engage with the horrifying news coming out of Chechnya regarding the arrests and abuses of queer men there, you're not alone.

When the reports first began surfacing, it seemed too awful to be true — we're in the era of "fake news," after all. Was this actually happening?

A rally in Paris was held in support of gay and bisexual Chechen men on April 20, 2017. Photo by Sipa/AP.

Some of us found ourselves hoping the reports were false or greatly exaggerated, designed to press our outrage buttons. But these were stories coming out of outlets like The New York Times, CNN, and The Washington Post — all reporting that men in Chechnya are quietly being round up like cattle and starved, beaten, and tortured in facilities comparable to Nazi concentration camps. It quickly became clear that these ongoing atrocities were not fake.

Feelings of helplessness started creeping in. This wasn't a story propped up by bombastic headlines begging for sympathetic clicks from bleeding heart liberals.

This news was — and is — terrifyingly real.

Head of the Chechen Republic Ramzan Kadyrov. Photo by Said Tzarnaev/Sputnik/AP.

Feeling outraged comes easily. Feeling helpless, however, makes it hard to know the best way to channel that energy.

We know there have been at least six prisons created in Chechnya, which is a republic of Russia, to secretly detain men with "nontraditional" sexual practices. We also know that Chechnya allegedly plans to "eliminate" its gay community by the start of Ramadan on May 26 — just one month away.

This isn't normal. It's terrifying. And unfortunately, it seems like it's become more difficult to rely on world leaders to step up to the plate on their own volition. Rather than speak out against what’s happening in Chechnya, President Donald Trump tweeted about Hillary Clinton's hypothetical polling numbers. Russia's President Vladimir Putin shrugged off the allegations of mass arrests and abuse while he posed for a photo with Chechnya's President Ramzan Kadyrov on April 19.

Russian President Vladimir Putin (right) shakes hands with Chechnya's Ramzan Kadyrov in Moscow on April 19, 2017. Photo by Alexei Druzhinin/Sputnik/Kremlin Pool/AP.

With so many people in power ignoring these blatant crimes against humanity, the feelings of helplessness are hard to shake.

But if Kadyrov seriously believes that simply denying that gay and bisexual men exist in Chechnya means he can carry out these sorts of atrocities without the outside world noticing — with our free press, internet access, and determination to mobilize — he’s got another thing coming.

Photo by Patrizia Cortellessa/Pacific Press/Sipa/AP.

This is what you can do this very moment to help gay and bi men in Chechnya at risk of arrest and abuse.

1. You can sign this petition by advocacy group OutRight calling on energy companies Exxon, BP, and Shell — all of which have huge sway in Russian politics — to speak up about the injustices being committed in Chechnya.

2. You candonate to the Russian LGBT Network, an equality group that's opened a refuge center in Moscow for queer Chechens escaping persecution. While Russia, in general, may be an unwelcoming place for LGBTQ people, Moscow is a much safer place than Chechnya for gay and bi men in the short term.

3. As OutRight's calling on us to do, you can share photos and messages demanding an end to these atrocities on Instagram — and troll Kadyrov by tagging his account (@kadyrov_95) in the captions, further drawing attention to his actions.

4. You can call your representatives in Congress and demand they speak up (as Marco Rubio recently did).

5. Most importantly: You can refuse to stay silent.

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