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Wil Wheaton's locker room story is a perfect example of why homophobic jokes are a problem

His thoughts came as a response to Dave Chapelle's controversial stand-up performance.

via Flickr

Wil Wheaton | Wil Wheaton speaking in 2018.

Comedy can be uplifting. And it can also be downright destructive. The rise of cancel culture has made us take a hard look at what we normalize for the sake of a good joke. And with Dave Chappelle’s controversial comedy special, The Closer, which includes jokes that can be perceived as cruel or homophobic jabs by the LGBTQ community and allies.

At the same time, comedy is supposed to be disruptive, is it not? It’s meant to be audacious, bawdy, outrageous. And let’s not forget it’s often said sarcastically, meaning we don’t really believe what what's being said … right? Wil Wheaton has previously given a brilliant take on how to separate the art from the artist. This time though, he’s confronting the art itself and what makes it problematic.

Wheaton is best known for playing Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation and Gordie Lachance in Stand By Me. He is also a voice actor who has worked on Teen Titans and League of Super Heroes.


“For anyone who genuinely doesn't understand why I feel as strongly as I do about people like Chappelle making transphobic comments that are passed off as jokes, I want to share a story that I hope will help you understand, and contextualize my reaction to his behavior."Wheaton started off his story by sharing how he used to play ice hockey when he was 16, and one night enjoyed a warm welcome as a guest goalie. After a fun practice, Wheaton joined his teammates in the locker room.

“Before I tell you what happened next, I want to talk specifically about comedy and how much I loved it when I was growing up… One of the definitive comedy specials for me and my friends was Eddie Murphy's Delirious, from 1983. It had bits that still kill me… Really funny stuff.

There is also extensive homophobic material that is just…appalling and inexcusable. Long stretches are devoted to mocking gay people, using the slur that starts with F over and over and over. Young Wil, who watched this with his suburban white upper middle class friends, in his privileged bubble, thought it was the funniest, edgiest, dirtiest thing he'd ever heard… And all of it was dehumanizing to gay men… I didn't know any better. I accepted the framing, I developed a view of gay men as predatory, somehow less than straight men, absolutely worthy of mockery and contempt. Always good for a joke…


wil wheaton, comic-con, homophobia, punching down, star trek, lgbtq Wil Wheaton at the Phoenix Comiconvia Flickr

…A comedian who I thought was one of the funniest people on the planet totally normalized making a mockery of gay people, and because I was a privileged white kid, raised by privileged white parents, there was nobody around me to challenge that perception. For much of my teen years, I was embarrassingly homophobic, and it all started with that comedy special.”

Here Wheaton pivots back to the locker room:

“So I'm talking with these guys…We're doing that sports thing where you talk about the great plays, and feel like you're part of something special.

And then, without even realizing what I was doing, that awful word came out of my mouth. ‘Blah blah blah F****t,’ I said.

The room fell silent and that's when I realized every single guy in this room was gay. They were from a team called The Blades (amazing) and I had just ... really fucked up.

"'Do you have any gay friends?" One of them asked me, gently.

"Yes," I said, defensively. Then, I lied, "they say that all the time." I was so embarrassed and horrified. I realized I had basically said the N word, in context, and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to apologize, I wanted to beg forgiveness. But I was a stupid sixteen year-old with pride and ignorance and fear all over myself, so I lied to try and get out of it.

"They must not love themselves very much," he said, with quiet disappointment.

Nobody said another word to me. I felt terrible. I shoved my gear into my bag and left as quickly as I could.”


“That happened over 30 years ago, and I think about it all the time. I'm mortified and embarrassed and so regretful that I said such a hurtful thing. I said it out of ignorance, but I still said it, and I said it because I believed these men, who were so cool and kind and just like all the other men I played with (I was always the youngest player on the ice) were somehow less than ... I guess everyone. Because that had been normalized for me by culture and comedy.

A *huge* part of that normalization was through entertainment that dehumanized gay men in the service of "jokes". And as someone who thought jokes were great, I accepted it. I mean, nobody was making fun of *ME* that way…so…

This stuff that Chappelle did? …For a transgender person, those "jokes" normalize hateful, ignorant, bigoted behavior towards them. Those "jokes" contribute to a world where transgender people are constantly under threat of violence, because transgender people have been safely, acceptably, dehumanized. And it's all okay, because they were dehumanized by a Black man……Literally every queer person I know (and I know a LOT) is hurt by Chappelle's actions. When literally every queer person I know says "this is hurtful to me", I'm going to listen to them and support them, and not tell them why they are wrong…”


In 1996, Murphy apologized for the homophobic jokes he made in his earlier stand-up specials. “I deeply regret any pain all this has caused. Just like the rest of the world, I am more educated about AIDS in 1996 than I was in 1981," he said, according to The Independent. “I think it is unfair to take the words of a misinformed 21-year-old and apply them to an informed 35-year-old man. I know how serious an issue AIDS is the world over. I know that AIDS isn’t funny. It’s 1996 and I’m a lot smarter about AIDS now.”

Wil Wheaton brings up some powerful points. While this is a complex issue, the insidious nature of dehumanizing jokes is pretty blatant. At some point, we have to ask ourselves: Is it really worth harming someone else for the sake of a joke? When put that bluntly, the answer, I hope, is a resounding no.

This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Our blood donation rules need a makeover. Let's start with who is allowed to give.

Who could be donating blood that isn’t? One answer: Queer men.

Despite the desperate need for blood donations, very few people who can donate blood in the United States actually do.

"Of the eligible donors — and I think about 38% are eligible to actually donate — there's probably about 3 or 4% that actually do donate. That's alarming," said Red Cross spokesman Joe Zydlo in a recent interview.

The American Red Cross released more statistics about blood donation ahead of World Blood Donor Day on June 14.

Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.

The surprising number knocks a lot of misconceptions about blood donation in America. Someone in the U.S. needs a blood donation every two seconds, according to the Red Cross. And yet, the low number of blood donation rates means that those in need of blood aren’t being served.

It begs the question: Who could be donating blood that isn’t?

One answer: Queer men.

Photo by Guillaume Souvant/AFP/Getty Images.

Though queer men can technically donate blood, there's still some pretty homophobic red tape blocking real progress.

In 2015, the Red Cross lifted the lifetime ban on blood donations from men who have sex with men. But, the flawed rule only applies to men who haven’t had sex with other men within a year of donation.

Dating back to antiquated U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) laws from 1983, gay men were originally prohibited from donating blood entirely due to stigma about gay men as the HIV panic grew in the United States. Gay men and queer activists fought the laws for decades, ultimately finding some success in the 2015 FDA guidance, which states, "Defer for 12 months from the most recent sexual contact, a man who has had sex with another man during the past 12 months."

Photo by Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images.

The guidance, while a step in the right direction, is still rightly criticized as being biased and not doing enough to open the pool of donors.

For example, when the Pulse massacre happened in 2016, numerous queer men attempted to step up and help the queer community by donating to shooting victims, only to be turned away by blood donation centers.

From mass shootings, to fatal natural disasters, blood donations centers are always in need of committed donors. It's imperative we accept as many willing donors as possible, regardless of sexual activity or preference.

So, how do we make sure that those in need get help while also working toward a more inclusive society?

For starters, you can donate. Visit the Red Cross's blood donation page to figure out if you're eligible to give blood, and when you can do it.

In addition, get familiar with the FDA's blood donation recommendations, and talk to your local lawmakers about the importance of pushing the FDA commissioner to study more equitable recommendations for blood donation.

It’s long overdue that we open the opportunity to all people regardless of sexual identity and history. When we do this, not only do we help those in need, we foster a society that is rightly inclusive for everyone.

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Why is hardly anyone talking about this murdered gay man?

Mourners huddled near Stonewall National Monument in New York City on January 24 to remember a beloved Russian pop star taken too soon.

Believed to have been gay, Zelimkhan Bakaev became the face of a horrifying, state-sanctioned crackdown on gay and bisexual men in Chechnya, a semi-independent state in southern Russia. His name may be unfamiliar to most Americans, but Bakaev's heartbreaking story is one worth sharing.

Photo by Aaron Hooper, courtesy of RUSA LGBT.

Upworthy reported on the mystery of Bakaev's whereabouts in October 2017. The last anyone had seen him was in Gronzy, Chechnya, where he'd attended his sister's wedding. Shortly after the ceremony, his social media activity came to a halt. His Instagram account was deactivated.

Suspicions began to swirl: How could such a high-profile figure simply vanish? Fans were alarmed. His mother begged the Chechen government for answers.

The more we learned, the more it seemed Bakaev had been caught up in Chechnya's "gay purge."

Chechnya was, and may still be, arresting, torturing, and even killing men suspected to be gay or bisexual. In April 2017 — more than four months before Bakaev vanished — The New York Times reported at least 100 gay men had gone missing in Chechnya. The outlet cited a report from Moscow-based newspaper Novaya Gazeta, which claimed Chechen police were detaining men "in connection with their nontraditional sexual orientation, or suspicion of such."

Officials at the Russian LGBT Network, a Moscow-based advocacy group, feared the worst: that Bakaev had been swept up in the purge and may have been killed.

Now, they say, their suspicions have been confirmed.

Photo by Aaron Hooper, courtesy of RUSA LGBT.

Chechen leader Ramazan Kadyrov gave eyebrow-raising comments on Bakaev that aired on state TV on January 17.

Addressing other Chechen officials, Kadyrov publicly acknowledged Bakaev's disappearance for the first time. Shockingly, he accused the singer's own family of murdering the 25-year-old.

"[Bakaev's] relatives, who didn't keep an eye on him and were ashamed that he was one of them, now say that Kadyrov took him," Kadyrov explained, according to Radio Free Europe. "His family couldn't stop him [from being gay], and then called him back home. And his brothers, it seems, accused him of being one of those."

"Isn't there anyone in the village, any man in the family, who can admit: 'We did this'?" Kadyrov continued. "They know full well who their relative was."

Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov. Photo by Alexander Nemenov/AFP/Getty Images.

Bakaev's father told local media the accusation from Kadyrov is simply false.

The Russian LGBT Network sees Kadyrov's unprompted comments as a confession to Bakaev's murder.

Through testimonials given from other victims of the purge, the Russian LGBT Network claims to have evidence Bakaev was, in fact, detained by Chechen authorities. So Kadyrov's accusation seems to further confirm the group's worst fears, according to the network's founder, Igor Kochetkov.

"Kadyrov has essentially admitted that Bakaev was killed," Kochetkov noted to RFE/RL's Russian Service. "What's more, he is justifying and encouraging these actions."

Kochetkov believes a new petition by the Russian LGBT Network calling on Russian officials to investigate Bakaev's disappearance may have motivated the Chechen leader to shift blame onto the singer's family.

Russian officials arrest a pro-LGBTQ rights demonstrator in Moscow in 2015. Photo by Dmitry Serebryakov/AFP Getty Images.

Bakaev's disappearance and alleged murder is getting more attention because of his fame. But the singer's story is just one of many.

What's happened in Chechnya is truly frightening.

After Novaya Gazeta's initial report on Chechnya's gay purge published last April, more and more horrifying details began to surface. Sir Alan Duncan, Britain's minister of state for the foreign office, told parliament a few weeks later he'd learned Chechen officials planned to "eliminate" the region's LGBTQ population by the end of May 2017, according to The Guardian.  

Secretive "modern day concentration camps" had been set up to house detainees. Victims who've been released have recounted terrifying abuse during their detentions, including beatings and torture via electric shock. Their captors would pry about the identities of others suspected to be gay or bisexual so that officials could target more men.

Kadyrov, a close ally to Russian President Vladimir Putin, blasted these reports leaking out of the region. "We don't have those kinds of people here; we don't have any gays," he said in an interview with HBO last July. "If there are any, take them to Canada."

Photo by Curto de la Torre/AFP/Getty Images.

But activists didn't believe Kadyrov's denial due to the overwhelming amount of evidence and testimonials from victims collected on the ground from human rights groups.

The Chechen leader has proven himself to be liar — why would the world trust him when it comes to Bakaev's situation?

Now that it's pretty clear to many that Bakaev was murdered, his disappearance carries more political weight than ever.

Mourners at Stonewall hope the singer's tragic death can fuel more urgency for the world to take a stand against Chechnya's institutionalized homophobia.

Photo by Aaron Hooper, courtesy of RUSA LGBT.

"Too many [LGBTQ] people have been killed just for existing," tweeted Voices 4, an LGBTQ advocacy group that organized the vigil alongside RUSA LGBT. "We gathered in solemnity and silence tonight. We raise our voices and our fists again tomorrow."

Photo by Aaron Hooper, courtesy of RUSA LGBT.

Since Bakeyev's disappearance, some steps have been taken to address Chechnya's human rights abuses.

It's not nearly enough, though.

A handful of world leaders have slammed Chechnya's gay purge, including German Chancellor Angela Merkel and French President Emmanuel Macron. France and Canada began accepting Chechen refugees at risk of harm due to their sexual orientation.

In December, the U.S. imposed new sanctions on a handful of Chechen officials, forbidding Americans from doing business with them and blocking certain financial transactions. The move increases pressure on Russia to act, The New York Times noted.

Still, Kadyrov has suffered few ramifications for the government's gay purge — which may still be happening. Putin has largely shrugged off accusations of the state-sanctioned abuse, unconcerned with any potential political backlash. President Donald Trump has yet to publicly address the atrocities.

What will it take for the world to care about men like Bakaev?

Here's how you can act. For updates on Chechnya's gay purge, follow and support Voices 4, RUSA LGBT, and the Russian LGBT Network, which is helping Chechen men at risk of the purge escape the region. Sign and share the Russian LGBT Network's petition urging Russia to investigate Bakaev. And contact your U.S. representatives to demand that they speak up on the matter.

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Congress just slammed the 'gay purge' in Chechnya. What's Trump's breaking point?

It's been seven months to the day since The New York Times published an alarming report about state-sanctioned violence targeting queer men in Chechnya.

The Times, citing Moscow-based newspaper Novaya Gazeta, had reported men believed to be gay or bisexual were being arrested and killed en masse by Chechen officials. At least 100 people — but likely many, many more — have been swept up in the region's "gay purge."

Russia police arrest an LGBTQ activist in 2015. Photo by Dmitry Serebryakov/AFP/Getty Images.

The situation, it seems, hasn't improved.

Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov has denied any wrongdoing, claiming, incredulously, the region doesn't even have any LGBTQ people. Human rights groups in and around Chechnya have said the arrests, torturing, and killings have continued throughout the summer and early fall. Last week, reports surfaced that Russian singer Zelimkhan Bakayev — who'd visited Chechnya for a wedding in August — went missing; some have speculated he may be dead.

Finally, Congress is speaking up.

On Oct. 30, the U.S. Senate passed a resolution slamming Chechnya for allowing its gay purge to continue.

The measure follows a nearly identical and unanimously approved resolution passed in the House in June, calling on Chechen officials to stop targeting queer men and bring those accountable to justice. Admittedly, these measures are largely symbolic, but they're important nonetheless: They help keep the issue on the world's radar and legitimize the claims that the violence is actually happening — despite Chechen and Russian officials deflecting responsibility.

Sen. Ed Markey of Massachusetts (foreground), who, along with Sen. Pat Toomey, introduced the resolution on Chechnya to his colleagues. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

Calling for officials to end the purge immediately, the Senate's resolution puts pressure on Russia (which oversees semi-independent Chechnya) to protect the rights of all of its citizens, while also demanding the U.S. continues to condemn the abuses until justice is served.

It's that last part that's particularly noteworthy.

While both chambers of Congress have spoken out on Chechnya, Trump has remained silent.

Many other world leaders — including French President Emmanuel Macron, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau — have strongly condemned Chechnya's gay purge and taken concrete steps to help Chechens in need.

So why — seven months after we first learned this abuse is taking place — is Trump still remaining silent?

Photo by Nicholas Kamm/AFP/Getty Images.

There's no good answer, really.

The president hasn't been an ally to gay Americans, of course, but the Congressional resolutions gained support from even the staunchest anti-LGBTQ legislators in the House and Senate. Some have pointed to the president's cozy relationship with Vladimir Putin, speculating that Trump is hesitant to rock the boat with the Russian president by confronting him on Chechnya. Whatever the reason, his indifference on the matter is sending a clear message.

"If Chechnya has indeed begun persecuting gay men, as international reports suggest, it is precisely because the government recognizes that the U.S. won’t organize any opposition," Samar Habib wrote for The Washington Post in May.

Here's how you can help.

Share stories like this with family and friends. Let your reps know you appreciate them taking action and demand that they put pressure on the president to do the same. Support LGBTQ advocacy groups pressuring Trump to speak up. Tweet at Trump. Write and call his White House. Force him to confront this issue.

Trump's silence may be overwhelming, but so are the voices demanding he act.

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