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Why is hardly anyone talking about this murdered gay man?

Mourners huddled near Stonewall National Monument in New York City on January 24 to remember a beloved Russian pop star taken too soon.

Believed to have been gay, Zelimkhan Bakaev became the face of a horrifying, state-sanctioned crackdown on gay and bisexual men in Chechnya, a semi-independent state in southern Russia. His name may be unfamiliar to most Americans, but Bakaev's heartbreaking story is one worth sharing.

Photo by Aaron Hooper, courtesy of RUSA LGBT.

Upworthy reported on the mystery of Bakaev's whereabouts in October 2017. The last anyone had seen him was in Gronzy, Chechnya, where he'd attended his sister's wedding. Shortly after the ceremony, his social media activity came to a halt. His Instagram account was deactivated.

Suspicions began to swirl: How could such a high-profile figure simply vanish? Fans were alarmed. His mother begged the Chechen government for answers.

The more we learned, the more it seemed Bakaev had been caught up in Chechnya's "gay purge."

Chechnya was, and may still be, arresting, torturing, and even killing men suspected to be gay or bisexual. In April 2017 — more than four months before Bakaev vanished — The New York Times reported at least 100 gay men had gone missing in Chechnya. The outlet cited a report from Moscow-based newspaper Novaya Gazeta, which claimed Chechen police were detaining men "in connection with their nontraditional sexual orientation, or suspicion of such."

Officials at the Russian LGBT Network, a Moscow-based advocacy group, feared the worst: that Bakaev had been swept up in the purge and may have been killed.

Now, they say, their suspicions have been confirmed.

Photo by Aaron Hooper, courtesy of RUSA LGBT.

Chechen leader Ramazan Kadyrov gave eyebrow-raising comments on Bakaev that aired on state TV on January 17.

Addressing other Chechen officials, Kadyrov publicly acknowledged Bakaev's disappearance for the first time. Shockingly, he accused the singer's own family of murdering the 25-year-old.

"[Bakaev's] relatives, who didn't keep an eye on him and were ashamed that he was one of them, now say that Kadyrov took him," Kadyrov explained, according to Radio Free Europe. "His family couldn't stop him [from being gay], and then called him back home. And his brothers, it seems, accused him of being one of those."

"Isn't there anyone in the village, any man in the family, who can admit: 'We did this'?" Kadyrov continued. "They know full well who their relative was."

Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov. Photo by Alexander Nemenov/AFP/Getty Images.

Bakaev's father told local media the accusation from Kadyrov is simply false.

The Russian LGBT Network sees Kadyrov's unprompted comments as a confession to Bakaev's murder.

Through testimonials given from other victims of the purge, the Russian LGBT Network claims to have evidence Bakaev was, in fact, detained by Chechen authorities. So Kadyrov's accusation seems to further confirm the group's worst fears, according to the network's founder, Igor Kochetkov.

"Kadyrov has essentially admitted that Bakaev was killed," Kochetkov noted to RFE/RL's Russian Service. "What's more, he is justifying and encouraging these actions."

Kochetkov believes a new petition by the Russian LGBT Network calling on Russian officials to investigate Bakaev's disappearance may have motivated the Chechen leader to shift blame onto the singer's family.

Russian officials arrest a pro-LGBTQ rights demonstrator in Moscow in 2015. Photo by Dmitry Serebryakov/AFP Getty Images.

Bakaev's disappearance and alleged murder is getting more attention because of his fame. But the singer's story is just one of many.

What's happened in Chechnya is truly frightening.

After Novaya Gazeta's initial report on Chechnya's gay purge published last April, more and more horrifying details began to surface. Sir Alan Duncan, Britain's minister of state for the foreign office, told parliament a few weeks later he'd learned Chechen officials planned to "eliminate" the region's LGBTQ population by the end of May 2017, according to The Guardian.  

Secretive "modern day concentration camps" had been set up to house detainees. Victims who've been released have recounted terrifying abuse during their detentions, including beatings and torture via electric shock. Their captors would pry about the identities of others suspected to be gay or bisexual so that officials could target more men.

Kadyrov, a close ally to Russian President Vladimir Putin, blasted these reports leaking out of the region. "We don't have those kinds of people here; we don't have any gays," he said in an interview with HBO last July. "If there are any, take them to Canada."

Photo by Curto de la Torre/AFP/Getty Images.

But activists didn't believe Kadyrov's denial due to the overwhelming amount of evidence and testimonials from victims collected on the ground from human rights groups.

The Chechen leader has proven himself to be liar — why would the world trust him when it comes to Bakaev's situation?

Now that it's pretty clear to many that Bakaev was murdered, his disappearance carries more political weight than ever.

Mourners at Stonewall hope the singer's tragic death can fuel more urgency for the world to take a stand against Chechnya's institutionalized homophobia.

Photo by Aaron Hooper, courtesy of RUSA LGBT.

"Too many [LGBTQ] people have been killed just for existing," tweeted Voices 4, an LGBTQ advocacy group that organized the vigil alongside RUSA LGBT. "We gathered in solemnity and silence tonight. We raise our voices and our fists again tomorrow."

Photo by Aaron Hooper, courtesy of RUSA LGBT.

Since Bakeyev's disappearance, some steps have been taken to address Chechnya's human rights abuses.

It's not nearly enough, though.

A handful of world leaders have slammed Chechnya's gay purge, including German Chancellor Angela Merkel and French President Emmanuel Macron. France and Canada began accepting Chechen refugees at risk of harm due to their sexual orientation.

In December, the U.S. imposed new sanctions on a handful of Chechen officials, forbidding Americans from doing business with them and blocking certain financial transactions. The move increases pressure on Russia to act, The New York Times noted.

Still, Kadyrov has suffered few ramifications for the government's gay purge — which may still be happening. Putin has largely shrugged off accusations of the state-sanctioned abuse, unconcerned with any potential political backlash. President Donald Trump has yet to publicly address the atrocities.

What will it take for the world to care about men like Bakaev?

Here's how you can act. For updates on Chechnya's gay purge, follow and support Voices 4, RUSA LGBT, and the Russian LGBT Network, which is helping Chechen men at risk of the purge escape the region. Sign and share the Russian LGBT Network's petition urging Russia to investigate Bakaev. And contact your U.S. representatives to demand that they speak up on the matter.

Family

Dad camping with his kids shared the handwritten note left on his car from a fellow camper

More of this, please.

Photo credit: Canva, Note image via RCampR6/Reddit

A dad got a sweet note from a fellow father after camping with his kids.

One of the hardest parts of being a parent is never being sure whether you're doing a good job or totally bombing it. If you're conscientious enough to even wonder if you're a good parent, you probably are, but parenting entails a million little choices and interactions, and there's always a lingering voice in your head saying, "What if you're really screwing this whole thing up?"

Reassurance and encouragement are always appreciated by parents, but not always received, which is why a note from one camping dad to another has people celebrating the kindness of anonymous strangers.

"You are killing it as a dad."

Someone on Yosemite Reddit thread shared a photo of a handwritten note with the caption, "To the man who left this thoughtful note on my windshield at Lower Pines Campground this weekend, I extend my heartfelt gratitude; your acknowledgment of my efforts to be a good father means a great deal to me."


Windshield Note.
byu/RCampR6 inYosemite

The note reads:

"Bro,

I camped in the spot behind you last night. Let me just say, you are killing it as a dad. First off, I watched your wife guide you in as you backed up your trailer and nailed it on the first try without any yelling. Then your kids unloaded from the truck and were mild-mannered and well behaved. You told stories around the campfire and I had the pleasure of listening to the sounds of giggles and laughter.

From one dad to another, you are killing it. Keep it up.

P.S. Whatever you cooked for dinner smelled delicious!"

How often do we share these thoughts with strangers, even if we have them? And who wouldn't love to get a surprise bit of praise with specific examples of things we did right?

Everyone needs to hear a compliment once in a while.

So many people found the note to be a breath of fresh air and a good reminder to compliment people when we feel the urge:

"That would make any daddy's eyes water."

"It’s always nice, as a guy, to get a compliment."

"I complimented a guy's glasses at work (I'm also a guy, and btw they were really cool glasses, I wasn't just being nice) and now he keeps trying to tell me where he got his glasses and how I should get some. But I'm just having to be polite because I already have glasses and I'm not in the market. I finally had to tell him I'm not going to buy them lmao I just like them on him.

Made me feel like that's the first compliment he's had in years because he can't stop talking about it. Also I mainly liked the glasses because I think he's cute but he really thinks it's just the glasses haha jokes on him that cute bastard."

via GIPHY

"I was in the store with my wife and one of our 'adopted nephews' yesterday (we’re close friends with his parents and we’ve known him and his brother since they were newborns and 2yo, respectively). A woman came up to me at checkout while my wife was running out to the car and said 'I’m not sure what your family relationship is here, but I just have to tell you how nice and refreshing it is to hear all the laughter and joy from the 3 of you. You both seem like such a good influence on him and it warms my heart.' It’s such a small thing but as a dude, I can’t remember the last time someone gave me a compliment in public and it made my freaking day."

"10/10 letter. The and not yelling part gave me a good chuckle lol."

"We need so much more of men getting such heartfelt and sincere compliments. Thanks for sharing. ❤️"

"I’ve never considered leaving a note, but when I see a harmonious family with good parenting, it’s healing for me. My childhood was awful."

"Such an awesome compliment! Even though I don't have children myself, I like to remind my friends too that they're doing great & it brings them happy tears."

via GIPHY

"This made me cry. I love that you are getting your 'flowers.' My dad sucked, I’m so glad you are one of the good ones."

"This made me cry too. It’s so hard to be a human. Let alone a parent. Getting a good job sticker every now and then really means a lot these days."

"I'm a big bearded guy and I would cry if I got this note. More people like this, please."

The best part of this story is that no one knows who the dad who wrote the note is, not even the dad who shared it. It wasn't written for clout or notoriety, it wasn't to get attention or make himself look good. No name or signature, just an anonymous act of kindness to uplift a stranger whether he needed it or not.

We all need to hear or read kind things said about us, and sometimes it means even more coming from an anonymous stranger who has nothing to gain by sharing. A good reminder to share it when you feel it—you never know how many people you may move and inspire.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Joy

Young woman surprised grandma for her birthday by dressing up like her and recreating her old photos

TikTok

All screenshots from @lakynbowman on TikTok.

It was Grandma’s 71st birthday, and granddaughter Lakyn Bowman came up with the cutest, cleverest and most thoughtful way to honor the occasion.

Bowman (@lakynbowman) shared in a TikTok video that after going through old photos, she realized just how much they both looked alike. And so, to thank grandma for passing down the good genes, she decided to recreate each signature look. After a few rounds with a curling iron, some pale blue eyeshadow, and throwing on some charming floral prints (plus some filter wizardry to give the pics that retro look) the resemblance is just uncanny.

People were delighted to see such a loving tribute. The video quickly racked up over 8 million views, with more than a few comments talking about how emotional the tribute made them. Can’t say I blame 'em.

Screenshot of a comment

Such a heartwarming tribute obviously moved some to tears.

TikTok

But how did grandma feel about it? Well, in a follow-up video, we see a genuine ear-to-ear smile. Suffice it to say, the idea was a hit.

As one person wrote to Bowman, “you’ll never be able to top this gift.”

It certainly helps that Bowman is vintage savvy. She even helps others find amazing secondhand items through her company Nine Oh Six. So getting the clothes and accessories was a piece of old-fashioned pineapple upside-down cake. And the results were just as sweet. Take a look below:

@lakynbowman Happy birthday, Grandma! Thanks for the good genes. 💕 #recreate#photoshoot #birthdayphotoshoot #vintage #grandma ♬ What Once Was - Her's
@lakynbowman

Reply to @katemason06 The audio didn’t save. 😭 But here’s her reaction. I love her so much! 💕

These videos are not only an instant dash of joy, it’s also a heartwarming reminder that our elders provide the prologue to our life stories. Honoring them can be as simple or creative as we want them to be, but be sure to include them. As we can see with this grandma-granddaughter duo, it’ll mean the world to them.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Culture

Dad’s 5-year-old daughter's hilarious answers to his questions have the internet screaming

“Do I have to change my name if I get married? Call me Shredder.”

via James Breakwell / Twitter

Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Comedy writer James Breakwell has four daughters under the age of eight and shares their hilarious conversations on Twitter. And, from Breakwell's tweets, it looks like his five year old has a future in comedy. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.


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His 5-year-old isn't the only (often unintentionally) hilarious child in the house; the 7-year-old and 3-year-old turn up from time to time. There's also a 2-year-old, but she hasn't been the subject of many tweets yet.


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This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Man praised for refusing to switch seats with a dad who was traveling alone with his daughter

He made the right decision.

Photo credit: Canva

Man praised for not switching seats with dad traveling with daughter

Airlines charge for everything but breathing nowadays so people tend to be protective of their seat assignments. They picked them with their own hands with their needs and preferences in mind before paying the extra money to confirm the seating. Choosing your own seat can range from $5-$80 extra per ticket depending on where in the cabin you choose to sit, barring first class options.

It's for this reason that people aren't keen on trading their seats with someone who chose to let the airline auto-assign a seat for them. This doesn't stop people from asking unsuspecting fellow travelers to swap seats with them, likely relying on the social pressure of the situation to coax a yes. But one man refused to be swayed, even when the other passenger points out that he would like to sit next to his minor daughter which may have been enough to encourage others to oblige the request.

The passenger who was being asked to move had already paid additional money to sit in an aisle seat he explains, "I always book an aisle seat. My company allows me to add the small surcharge for an aisle seat (it was $18). I sat early and this guy comes with his daughter. His daughter had the middle seat next to me. He had another middle seat elsewhere. He asked to switch with me. I said I would if he had an aisle seat. He said he has a middle seat."

Season 9 Ugh GIF by Curb Your EnthusiasmGiphy

The middle seat is typically the least desirable seat due to being stuck between two other passengers, no designated armrest and nothing to comfortably lean your head on should you fall asleep. Waking up only to realize you've been asleep on a stranger's shoulder can make for an awkward interaction, so there's no surprise the man didn't want to trade seats with the dad on those details alone. But the man didn't choose the aisle seat because he was afraid of drooling on the shoulder of a fellow passenger.

"I said sorry, I am a big guy (6 feet, 260+ pounds), I am [un]comfortable in middle seat. It's a 4.5 hour flight," the befuddled passenger shares before adding. "I explained I am physically uncomfortable in the middle. The aisle gives me more room."

Giphy

One might think the interaction would end there but it didn't. According to the six-foot-tall man, the dad then involved a flight attendant to encourage him to give up his seat so the dad could sit next to his child. But the man continued to refuse the dad's request which resulted in the dad having to sit in his original seat and the teenage girl being seated next to the original man. He had no desire to be uncomfortable for a fairly long flight and while he was expecting for people to disagree with his actions, they were overwhelmingly on his side.

"You paid extra for that aisle seat, and it’s your comfort on a long flight. The guy should've booked better seats if he wanted to sit next to his daughter. Plus, it’s not your job to accommodate his poor planning," one person writes.

No Way Beer GIF by BuschGiphy

"If you want to sit together, pay for the seats. Good for you, people like that need to learn they cant have their cake and eat it too," someone else says.

"I hate it when a FA asks you to move one you've already said no. They should stand by their company who sold you the seat and reiterate that to the person asking," another chimes in.

pushing air travel GIFGiphy

"I’ve been in the situation traveling, when my kids were small and flights were canceled, etc. that we were seated separately. When you REALLY do NEED compassion, people are generally OK with it and they are understanding and will likely move if able. I’ve also raised my kids to be independent and as teenagers they would have been just fine. In a case where it really is a need (like a special needs teen), the airline owes its passengers some sort of a solution like upgrading an inconvenienced traveller," someone else adds.

The man does admit that maybe the dad assumed the solo traveler would be inappropriate with his daughter saying, "Maybe he thought I was some creeper? I AM NOT. I popped a prescription muscle relaxer, put on relaxing music on my earphones and zoned out." In the end the man did not give up his seat and the teen girl and her father were both fine sitting in the seats assigned to them.

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33-year-old American expat shares how he lives a lavish life in Bali on less than $75 a day

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

Life is bigger than the U.S.!

Dreaming about moving to another country and starting over is no longer just a dream for some people. A growing number of millennial expats are finding their American dream in another country. And they're taking to social media to invite us to follow their journeys. Living comfortably in America is merely a dream for most people, so seeing expats doing it in other countries is inspiring more people than ever to seek a better life than they can achieve in the United States elsewhere.

Influencer and educator Olumide Gbenro has made a life in Bali that would be unattainable to most Americans. When Gbenro was around 13, his family immigrated to Columbus, Ohio after living in London. Gberno spent the first six years of his life in his home country of Nigeria, so relocating was not new to him. Before deciding to leave it all behind as an adult, Olumide was on a different path. A path his parents had set before him, but one he didn't want to follow.

In 2016, Gberno graduated with two master’s degrees from San Diego State University. One master’s was in epidemiology and the other in behavioral sciences. The new graduate was primed to go on for his PhD just as his parents wanted, but enrolling in a PhD program meant traveling the world would be off the table and the soon to be expat wasn’t ready to give up on it. The choice then became to become a doctor or travel, and since traveling was in his blood it was a no-brainer.

Gberno told CNBC Make It, “All of my life, I just followed the rules, whether it was from my parents, religion or society,” he says. “But deep down I knew that if I took the position in the PhD program, I could never go back, I could never travel abroad...I’d be stuck to a lab, so I decided to say ‘no.’” Shortly after coming to the conclusion that a PhD wasn’t for him, he packed up his belongings and headed out of the country.

Olumide took some time in a few other locations before settling in Bali; the new expat first stopped in Berlin on a three month tourist visa, staying in hostels and couch surfing at friends' houses. Gberno didn’t have much savings when he left America, so not working wasn’t an option, and eventually he struck success with his online business in social media marketing. He was able to grow his Instagram following fairly quickly by posting photos of his adventures and dance videos. With a larger following, he started reaching out to other creators and businesses offering to help improve their social media strategy for the small fee of $250. Eventually, it enabled him to turn it into a lucrative business that helps sustain his lifestyle.

After Olumide’s three months in Berlin were up, he traveled to Mexico and then back to San Diego where he launched his business, Olumide Gbenro PR & Brand Monetization, in 2018. While scrolling through Instagram he saw a post from a friend visiting Bali at the time. The scenery appealed to him, so he decided to go. After many flights back and forth to Singapore and Malaysia to extend his visa 30 days at a time, he was granted an investors visa.

Gberno earns about $140,000 a year and his biggest expense is his rent and utilities which total $1,010 a month. He spends about $600 a month on take out and eating at restaurants and continues to travel at least once a month. Gberno told CNBC “I’m probably spending about the same amount of money I would each month if I was living in San Diego, but my quality of living is much higher,” he says. “I’m living a life of luxury.”

These expats make living abroad look like a feasible goal and for some it is. Be warned that following these adventurous souls on social media may make you want to pack a few bags and never look back.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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