Isn't it wild to think that spies are actually real? Governments all over the world send secret agents to other countries to steal information or conduct missions. The key element that makes a spy, of course, is the secretive nature of their work. They go undercover, sometimes even wearing disguises, and carry out their missions without attracting attention. That means they're masters of psychology and social science rather than combat and weaponry.
In a revealing interview with Steven Bartlett on his “Diary of a CEO” podcast, former Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras shared how to get people to do what you want them to do. The key, according to Poumpouras, is to understand what motivates them. Once you know the psychological framework behind what makes them tick, you can persuade them to behave as you like.
Poumpouras is the co-host of Bravo TV’s “Spy Games” competition series and author of “Becoming Bulletproof: Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, Live Fearlessly.” She served in the Secret Service’s Presidential Protective Division for President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama and protected George W. Bush, Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush.
Poumpouras says that to get a “good read” on someone, it’s essential to listen.
Former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras shares how to get someone to do what you want.
@steven Former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras shares how to get someone to do what you want 👀 #podcast #podcastclips #stevenbartlett #diaryofaceo #specialagent #secretservice #security #evypoumpouras
"The biggest mistake people make is they talk a lot,” Poumpouras said in the video clip. “Steven, if I'm doing all the talking and you're doing all the listening, you're learning everything about me. You're learning about what I care about, my values, my belief systems, getting a good read on me and I'm learning nothing about you.”
The former Secret Service Agent says that you should listen to determine the subject's motivational mindset. Are they motivated by money, sex, admiration, status, freedom, relationships, or safety?
“Everybody's motivated by something different. But I have to hear you and pay attention to you to understand what that is. Everybody's purpose is different,” she continued. “If you give people enough space, they will reveal themselves to you.”
To be clear, Poumpouras isn't in the business of helping people trick others. Instead, she hopes the techniques she teaches will, "Increase your self-confidence, your self-worth, and your ability to trust and believe in yourself."
The commenters on TikTok loved the advice:
"People are so interested in themselves and want to talk about themselves... We give our power away by talking."
"Changed my life when I was told to stop filling the silence"
"As a parent, I needed this reminder too."
Yes, the parents came out in full force to support Poumpouras' tip. Perhaps no one, other than espionage experts, better understands the importance of learning how to get other people to do things without threats and violence. (OK, sometimes there are threats).
It’s also a wonderful tactic because your subject will have no idea they are part of a manipulation because they are the ones doing the talking. It’s nearly impossible to give yourself away when you’re sitting in silence.
Understanding what motivates people is essential when protecting the safety of the nation’s most important assets and dealing with shady, dangerous people. But it's not only useful for spies and double agents.
It's Jason Bourne! Giphy
This so-called "trick" can also benefit the layperson by giving us a framework to understand people better. Knowing what motivates someone is very important, whether you’re on a date, in a business deal, or in a leadership role at work. It’s also very important when raising children or training an animal.
The data agrees. Forbes writes about the experiments of Dan Ariely, who found that, "People are much more likely to go above and beyond for tasks that they're emotionally (rather than financially) invested in." So, if you want people to do things that benefit you, sure you can pay them or convince them that it's in their best interest, but you'll have far better luck if you appeal to their core principles and desires. To do that, you first have to listen and find out what they are.
Understanding your personal motivators is also essential for making the best choices in life.
It helps us determine which actions will be genuinely beneficial. It’s also a great way to ensure that we are involved with people, organizations, and activities for the right reasons.
In other words, digging into someone else's (and your own) core beliefs and motivation can be used for good! Not just protecting state secrets and preventing assassinations.
Productivity consultant Ashley Janssen says the key to understanding your motives is knowing your values.
"When you know what you value, you can identify how an activity or goal will support and foster those values," Janssen writes. "When you decide to try something, consider whether it’s what you think you should want to do or what someone else has said you should do. Those conditions are often not enough to sustain a behavior or activity. It’s hard to keep moving forward on something that you don’t really care about or are not invested in."
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
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