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Well Being

Reminder: Not being able to see someone's disability doesn't mean they don't have one

Reminder: Not being able to see someone's disability doesn't mean they don't have one

When I was pregnant with my third child, I developed a condition called SPD (symphisis pubis dysfunction) that made standing or walking for too long excruciatingly painful. I was only four months pregnant and looked perfectly healthy, but I had to use the motorized carts at the grocery store to do my shopping. When I'd stop the cart and walk to a shelf to pick out an item, I often wondered if people questioned why I was using the cart. I wasn't elderly, and I wasn't injured. I barely looked pregnant and could clearly could stand and walk. Did they wonder if I was just lazy and selfishly taking the cart from someone who really needed it?

That was my first taste of what daily life can be like for the millions of people living with invisible disabilities.


I have friends and family members with rheumatoid arthritis, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), and other conditions that sometimes affect their ability to move or be active. You can't tell that they struggle with pain or motility or exhaustion just by looking at them. They appear healthy, and they can move freely on some, or even most, days. But when they can't, they can't. They sometimes need assistance from canes or wheelchairs or other accommodations when their bodies flare up on them.

RELATED: #AbledsAreWeird offers a brilliant taste of the everyday crap people with disabilities deal with

A Facebook post from children's book author Kristen Waldbieser has gone viral for pointing out how such invisible disabilities can be overlooked or downplayed by others. Waldbieser has POTS, and she shared two photos of herself at a Disney theme park—one in a wheelchair with the caption, "This is me," and one where she's standing and posing with the caption, "This is also me."

She wrote:

"Yesterday I was at Disney, and I was using my wheelchair, which I need to go long distances (like a theme park). Anyway, I stood up to take a photo, and someone said (jokingly), 'Oh, the wheelchair is a hoax!' They quickly followed that they were kidding. However, the words stung with me. No, I don't need my wheelchair every day. But my wheelchair helps me get places that I otherwise probably couldn't go. But just because I don't need it every day, doesn't mean it's not real and it's not needed. It is not a hoax. And even jokingly, it's not ok to say that to someone. Not all disabilities or chronic illness looks the same. And it's time to break that stigma that those with chronic illnesses are faking it, which unfortunately, is heard by so many far too often. Long story short, you never know someone else's story, so please be kind with your words. 💖"

The person may not have intended any harm in their "kidding" remark, but it's not funny to jokingly accuse someone of faking their needs—especially because so many people really do assume that their conditions aren't really that bad.

Such assumptions are particularly prevalent for young people with invisible disabilities. Isa Fitzgibbons, 15, was 12 years old when she was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. One day, she was using a wheelchair at the zoo when she felt the judgment from a group of college students. "They seemed respectful enough," she said, "until I got up to walk to the restroom. Then they started pointing and whispering, and I felt like an exhibit for them."

That incident stopped her from using a wheelchair in public for a long time. "It's a struggle to explain why you're limping, or how you're not lazy, you're just in pain—or why you're in pain," she says.

Ramona Gregory, 20, has both Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and POTS. She's always been active—in fact, she runs her own cheerleading business. But her active life is spotted with days where just basic functioning is difficult, a reality that was particularly challenging in high school.

"I had a plan in choir class where I would sit down when I needed to since I couldn't stand for the entire class period without fainting," she told Upworthy. "The teacher was really cool about it. Kids around me though kept assuming I was slacking off and would act annoyed at me. Some kids would even follow my lead and sit down after me, although the teacher would promptly tell them to stand."

Gregory also says it's difficult for her to use a walker in public, even when she needs to. "I'm constantly afraid someone is going to say I'm faking it because I don't use it every day."

RELATED: Iowa school is giving students PE credits for helping the elderly and disabled with their yard work

Gregory's mom, Heléna, also has EDS and POTS (both can be inherited, though aren't always). She sometimes feels anxious about using a disability parking plaque, fearing people might get mad because she doesn't appear disabled. But that's not the only struggle.

"One of the really difficult things is being afraid of posting or sharing really awesome things you do because it looks like you're just living it up and not really disabled," she told Upworthy. "People don't see the preparation and the aftermath of participating in both normal functions and the fun stuff."

She enjoys mountain biking, for example, but only rides with her husband or by herself. "I can't just jump on my bike and go," she says. "My heart rate, blood pressure, and adrenaline are unpredictable, and I"m on and off the bike continually. I tried to ride with others but found I had to explain everything, like I was listing off excuses. Others would get annoyed. One time I ditched my bike and passed out on the side of the trail. The response was that I needed to get myself together because I was embarrassing the other riders in our group. People just don't get it, even when it comes down to actually losing consciousness."

"We spend a lot of time faking normalcy just so we don't draw attention or judgment. We hide what we do to avoid judgment," she says. "That's really it. People judge and that sucks."

It does suck. But hopefully stories like these will help more of us recognize that people are struggling with disabilities or chronic illnesses that we can't see and have no room or reason to judge anyone else's accommodations.

Family

Professional tidier Marie Kondo says she's 'kind of given up' after having three kids

Hearing Kondo say, 'My home is messy,' is sparking joy for moms everywhere.

Marie Kondo playing with her daughters.

Marie Kondo's book, "The Life-Changing Art of Tidying Up," has repeatedly made huge waves around the world since it came out in 2010. From eliminating anything that didn't "spark joy" from your house to folding clothes into tiny rectangles and storing them vertically, the KonMari method of maintaining an organized home hit the mark for millions of people. The success of her book even led to two Netflix series.

It also sparked backlash from parents who insisted that keeping a tidy home with children was not so simple. It's one thing to get rid of an old sweater that no longer brings you joy. It's entirely another to toss an old, empty cereal box that sparks zero joy for you, but that your 2-year-old is inexplicably attached to.

To be fair, Kondo never forced her way into anyone's home and made them organize it her way. But also to be fair, she didn't have kids when she wrote her best-selling book on keeping a tidy home. The reality is that keeping a home organized and tidy with children living in it is a whole other ballgame, as Kondo has discovered now that she has three kids of her own.

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Pop Culture

13-year-old ventriloquist sings incredible, sassy version of 'You Don't Own Me' on 'AGT'

Ana-Maria Mărgean only started her hobby in 2020 and is already wowing audiences on "America's Got Talent."

America's Got Talent/Youtube

Ana-Maria Mărgean singing "You Don't Own Me" on "America's Got Talent"

It’s not every day a ventriloquist act is so jaw-dropping that it has to be seen to be believed. But when it does happen, it’s usually on “America’s Got Talent.”

Ana-Maria Mărgean was only 11 years old when she first took to the stage on “Romania’s Got Talent” to show off her ventriloquism skills, an act inspired by videos of fellow ventriloquist and “America’s Got Talent” Season 2 champion Terry Fator.

Using puppets built for her by her parents, the young performer tirelessly spent her quarantine time in 2020 learning how to bring them to life, which led to her receiving a Golden Buzzer and eventually winning the entire series in Romania.

Mărgean is now 13 and a competitor on this season of “America’s Got Talent: All-Stars,” hoping to be crowned the winner and perform her own show in Vegas, just like her hero Fator.

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Nature

Pennsylvania home is the entrance to a cave that’s been closed for 70 years

You can only access the cave from the basement of the home and it’s open for business.

This Pennsylvania home is the entrance to a cave.

Have you ever seen something in a movie or online and thought, "That's totally fake," only to find out it's absolutely a real thing? That's sort of how this house in Pennsylvania comes across. It just seems too fantastical to be real, and yet somehow it actually exists.

The home sits between Greencastle and Mercersburg, Pennsylvania, and houses a pretty unique public secret. There's a cave in the basement. Not a man cave or a basement that makes you feel like you're in a cave, but an actual cave that you can't get to unless you go through the house.

Turns out the cave was discovered in the 1830s on the land of John Coffey, according to Uncovering PA, but the story of how it was found is unclear. People would climb down into the cave to explore occasionally until the land was leased about 100 years later and a small structure was built over the cave opening.

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Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

A person of color uses a crosswalk.

This article originally appeared on 11.01.17


You missed a study that illuminates the very real dangers of literally "walking while black."

In addition to rogue police officers targeting people of color on the street, a study from Portland State University found that drivers are less likely to stop for black pedestrians.

The study, a follow-up from one conducted in 2014, administered tests using identically dressed black and white volunteers attempting to cross the same intersection. The 2014 study revealed black male pedestrians waited 32% longer than white male pedestrians for cars to stop. The 2017 research expanded on these tests to include black and white women and marked versus unmarked crosswalks.

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Pop Culture

6 lessons in making life choices based on the wisdom of Warren Buffett

These are the six factors Warren Buffett says he considers when he's making big business decisions.

Warren Buffett speaking at the 2015 Select USA Investment Summit.

True
TD Ameritrade

This article originally appeared on

Warren Buffett isn't just rich. He's known for being ethical, straightforward, and wise. And also generous. Not just with his money but with his ideas.

Buffett straight up spelled out how he makes decisions on how to invest in and acquire businesses in a public letter sent to his shareholders. To be clear: His instincts and insights are what have made him such a rich man. And that's what he's sharing so openly with the world.

These are the six factors Warren Buffett says he considers when he's making big business decisions.

Maybe they could help the rest of us think through some tough decisions in our own lives? Let's see.

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Health

All hail the mocktail: Growing demand makes non-alcoholic socializing a lot more fun

Sober bars and events are growing in popularity with delicious, grown-up alternatives to alcohol.

Photo by Blake Wisz on Unsplash

Non-alcoholic drinks go way beyond club sodas and Shirley Temples.

For as long as there's been alcohol, there have been people who don't drink it. Some don't care for the taste, some don't like the buzz, some have religious prohibitions against it and some are recovering addicts who need to avoid it altogether.

Whatever reasons people have for not drinking, there's an unspoken attitude by some that they're missing out on a key part of social culture, especially when countless movies and TV shows portrays people winding down (or wooing one another) with wine and bonding over beers at bars. There's an air of camaraderie over sharing a cocktail or clinking champagne flutes together that's hard to capture with a basic Coke or sparkling water.

But what if you want that fun, social atmosphere without the alcohol? What if you want to go out and have fancy, alcohol-free drinks with your friends at night without being surrounded by drunk people? Where do you go for that?

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