Reese Witherspoon's three decades in Hollywood have been peppered with prestigious awards, a long list of blockbuster successes — and, she shared recently, several incidents of sexual assault at the hands of powerful men.
The A-lister was on stage at ELLE's Women in Hollywood event on Oct. 16, introducing her "Big Little Lies" co-star Laura Dern, when she revealed she's been sexually harassed numerous times throughout her career. One instance, she said, occurred when she was just 16 years old.
Inspired by the dozens of women who've come forward in recent days alleging disgraced movie mogul Harvey Weinstein harassed, assaulted, or raped them, Witherspoon joined the chorus of those demanding more needs to be done.
"I didn’t sleep at all last night," Witherspoon began, reflecting on a difficult week of news for many survivors of sexual assault.
"I have my own experiences that have come back to me very vividly, and I found it really hard to sleep, hard to think, hard to communicate," Witherspoon told the crowd. "A lot of the feelings I’ve been having about anxiety, about being honest, the guilt for not speaking up earlier or taking action. True disgust at the director who assaulted me when I was 16 years old and anger that I felt at the agents and the producers who made me feel that silence was a condition of my employment."
Reese Witherspoon and her daughter Ava Phillipe at the ELLE Women in Hollywood event. Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images for ELLE.
Witherspoon continued:
"I wish I could tell you that that was an isolated incident in my career, but sadly, it wasn’t. I’ve had multiple experiences of harassment and sexual assault, and I don’t speak about them very often, but after hearing all the stories these past few days and hearing these brave women speak up tonight, the things that we’re kind of told to sweep under the rug and not talk about, it’s made me want to speak up and speak up loudly because I felt less alone this week than I’ve ever felt in my entire career."
Witherspoon instructed the room of Hollywood influencers on how to advance the cause in their own lines of work.
Namely, she said, they need to do whatever they can to help put more women in positions of power.
She continued (emphasis added):
"There’s a lot of people here who negotiate quite frequently with different companies and heads of companies, and I think maybe during your next negotiation, this is a really prudent time to ask important questions like, who are your top female executives? Do those women have green-light power? How many women are on the board of your company? How many women are in a key position of decision-making at your company? Asking questions like that, I found, it seems so obvious, but people don’t ask those questions."
Witherspoon isn't just talking the talk either. She's been changing the game for women in Hollywood for years.
In 2012, Witherspoon launched Pacific Standard, a production company focused on creating more women-led entertainment projects. It's produced blockbusters like "Wild" and "Gone Girl," as well as the critically acclaimed miniseries "Big Little Lies," in which Witherspoon starred alongside Dern, Nicole Kidman, and Shailene Woodley. The series was widely praised for drawing attention to issues surrounding domestic abuse and sexual violence.
[rebelmouse-image 19529704 dam="1" original_size="750x530" caption="The cast of HBO's "Big Little Lies." Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images." expand=1]The cast of HBO's "Big Little Lies." Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images.
After the 2016 presidential election, Witherspoon also decided to launch Hello Sunshine — an online platform aimed at allowing women from across the country to share their own stories and be heard.
But so much more is needed.
We desperately need more people like Witherspoon working behind the scenes in Hollywood.
A study released in January found women made up just 7% of director roles across the industry's top 250 films in 2016 — down 2% from the year before. If filmmaking wants to be a more inclusive and less abusive industry for women, men need to become allies in action, advocating for more women to take up space behind closed doors, where deals are made and movies are green-lit.
But Witherspoon — who's "really, really encouraged that there will be a new normal" after the Weinstein allegations went public — believes change is on the horizon.
"For the young women sitting in this room, life is going to be different for you because we have you, we have your back," Witherspoon said. "And that makes me feel better because, gosh, it’s about time."
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.