Writing a letter is truly a lost art form, and many young people will never know the joy of it. You had to choose your words carefully and say everything you wanted to say. Once you sent it off, there was no way to be sure it was delivered. No way to know if it had been opened or read. You couldn't take it back or send it again. You just put it in the mailbox and hoped for the best. It was excruciating and magical all at the same time.
One story of a letter never delivered has captured the hearts of readers everywhere. A heart-warming local news story gone viral for the best reasons.
Tony Trapani and his wife were married for 50 years despite the heartache of being unable to have children. "She wanted children,” Trapani told Fox 17. "She couldn't have any. She tried and tried." Even though they endured the pain of infertility, Tony's love for his wife never wavered and he cherished every moment they spent together.
Tony Trapani received the most important letter of his life, but he didn't see it for 50 years Photo by Álvaro Serrano on Unsplash
After his wife passed away when Tony was 81 years old, he undertook the heartbreaking task of sorting out all of her belongings. In particular was a mountain of papers stuffed into filing cabinets. Trapani diligently went through every single one.
That’s when he stumbled upon a carefully concealed letter in a filing cabinet hidden for over half a century.
The letter was addressed to Tony and dated March 1959, but this was the first time he had seen it. His wife must have opened it, read it and hid it from him. The letter came from Shirley Childress, a woman Tony had once been close with before his marriage. She reached out, reminiscing about their past and revealing a secret that would change Tony's world forever.
"Dear Tony, I bet you are surprised to hear from me after so many years. I was just thinking about you tonight like so many other nights. But I thought I would write you and find out how you are," the letter reads. "Tony, please don't be angry or surprised to hear this. I have a little boy. He is five-years- old now - grey eyes and beautiful black hair. What I am trying to say Tony is he is your son."
"Please, Tony if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please come and see him," Shirley wrote in the letter. "Every day he asks me where is his daddy and believe me Tony I can't even answer him anymore. I would be forever grateful to you if you would just see him. ... I'll close now hoping and praying you will answer. P.S. His name is Samuel Duane."
Now, Tony faced the fact that he had a son that would be around 60 years old and he set out to find him.
For over a year, Trapani’s sister tried to track down the mysterious Samuel Duane Childress, until she finally contacted his wife, Donna.
Tony and Samuel met in January 2015 and he felt like a new dad. After meeting his father, Samuel said his mother told him she sent the letter, but Tony never responded. "Why my wife didn't tell me," said Trapani, "I don't know. She wanted children. She couldn't have any. She tried and tried."
It's easy to understand why it may have been hard for Trapani's late wife, Dolly, to pass along that sort of news. Though we'll never know what exactly must have been in her heart and mind when she hid the letter all those years ago.
"I always asked my mom, I said, 'Well what does he look like?'' Samuel said. "She said, 'Well, go look in the mirror."
The two met and caught up on a lifetime of memories with the understanding that they could never change the past. "Just to know him now is so important to me. It's going to fill that void," Samuel said.
But just to be sure, Tony took a paternity test to ensure they were father and son. Stunning everyone involved, the test came back negative. Tony was not the father.
Tony and Samuel didn't waste time thinking about what might have been if he'd seen the letter earlier. Photo by Ire Photocreative on Unsplash
The news upset Tony and Samuel, but they still had a unique bond. They shared a relationship with Samuel’s mother and both have been on an incredibly wild ride after Tony found the mysterious letter.
“They're keeping that bond,” Donna said. “That paper doesn't mean anything to him. That bond has been made—and we're going to move on from here.”
Tony Trapani passed away in 2017, leaving him just two short years to connect with the man he once believed to be his son. If he'd seen the letter earlier, maybe they would have had more time. But that's all in the past, and by all accounts the men treasured the time they got together, and the relationship that they did have — not the one they wished for.
This article originally appeared earlier this year. It has been updated.
People rally around woman who says boyfriend's 'radical honesty' feels like humiliation
When does honesty go too far?
A woman being bullied.
There’s a fine line between being honest and being mean. Some people are honest but know how to couch their opinion in a positive, constructive light. Some people are proud of being "brutally honest," but they often use it as an excuse to hurt other people’s feelings. Honesty is an excellent virtue, but it takes self-awareness and tact to wield it humanely.
If your friend is getting ready to go on a date and asks if you like their shoes, instead of saying, "Your shoes look awful," you can suggest they try on another pair. Or, if they ask whether you liked their macaroni and cheese, instead of pointing out that someone else’s is better, you could simply suggest cooking the noodles a bit longer.
Was he being honest or abusive?
A 26-year-old woman posted on Reddit's Two Hot Takes subforum to ask whether her boyfriend's friends, who pride themselves on "brutal honesty," were wielding their supposed virtue as a sword to cut her down.
"When we started dating, he told me his friend group is 'brutally honest,' and I thought that just meant they roast each other a lot," she wrote. "Nope. Apparently, they have a rule that says if someone complains about their partner, that partner is fair game for group feedback. I did not fully understand what that meant until last weekend."
Recently, she was hanging out with his friends when they started picking on her about traits they said she needed to improve. She wrote, "Like, 'you apologize too much, it is kind of manipulative,' 'you act shy but actually you like control,' 'you talk about your job too much, it is boring for the rest of us.' All delivered like they're doing me a favor. My boyfriend just sat there nodding and occasionally adding examples."
When the woman said their remarks hurt her, they responded that it was only because they "care to be real" with her. This prompted her to ask the forum: "Is this actually some healthy communication thing that my thin skin can't handle, or is this just a circle of people who enjoy tearing others apart and slapping a self-help label on it?"
What did the commenters have to say?
The commenters overwhelmingly agreed with the woman, and many pointed out that her boyfriend has abusive tendencies.
"Complaining to his friends and having them gang up on you is not radical honesty. He's crowdsourcing his bullying. Gross," the most popular commenter wrote. "Not radical honesty, this is public shaming. He’s prioritizing his friends over your feelings, and that’s a red flag," another wrote. "When someone puts you down like that, and the someone who is supposed to love you sit there, listens, and then contributes. GIRL, RUN! If you allow this, you're going to feel worse and worse about yourself, and then you'll be right where they want you. Down on their feet, kissing the ground they walk on," a commenter wrote.
So how do we know the difference between someone who’s "just being honest" and being abusive? According to Dr. Sheri Jacobson, it has to do with intention.
"The difference here is that a person who verbally abuses another has no intention of seeing the positive side, considering the other’s viewpoint, or helping them improve," Jacobson writes at Harley Therapy. "They have the intention, admitted or not, of hurting and controlling the person they offer their 'feedback' to. Verbal also abuse tends to criticise you as a person, not just what you did and the consequences of the action."
Ultimately, it’s unfortunate that the woman had to endure such harsh, personal criticism from her boyfriend and his friends. However, she learned something positive after sharing her problem on Reddit: people overwhelmingly agreed that her boyfriend was being abusive. Hopefully, that gives her some clarity so she can either work on the relationship or move on to someone who knows how to be honest without being brutal.