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Pop Culture

Millennials nearing 40 are sharing their biggest mistakes so everyone can learn from them

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses.

millennials, regrets, millennial life lessons
via Pexels

Millennials are now old enough to seriously reflect on life.

It seems like only yesterday a millennial was a college kid that baby boomers chided for being entitled and Gen Xers thought were way too sincere and needed to learn how to take a joke. Today, the oldest millennials, those born around 1980, have hit their 40s and have lived long enough to have some serious regrets.

They also have enough experience to take some pride in decisions that, in hindsight, were the right moves.

The good news is that at 40 there is still plenty of time to learn from our successes and failures to set ourselves up for a great second half of life. These lessons are also valuable to the Gen Zers coming up who can avoid the pitfalls of the older generation.

A Reddit user who has since deleted their profile asked millennials nearing 40 “what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?” and they received more than 2,200 responses. The biggest regrets these millennials have are being flippant about their health and not saving enough money when they were younger.


They also realized that the carefree days of youth are fleeting and impossible to get back. So they should have spent less time working and more time enjoying themselves. Many also lamented that they should have taken their education more seriously in their 20s so they have more opportunities now.

The responses to this thread are bittersweet. It's tough hearing people come to grips with their regrets but the realizations are also opportunities to grow. Hopefully, some younger people will read this thread and take the advice to heart.

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses to the question: “Millennials of Reddit now nearing your 40s, what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?”

1.

"Not taking care of my hearing, not even 35 and going deaf." — Kusanagi8811

2.

"Not getting healthy earlier." — zombiearchivist

3.

"Staying too long at a job in my 20s, just because it was safe and easy. When I finally got the motivation to leave, ended up with an almost 50% pay boost." — Hrekires

4. 

"Thinking that I could and should put myself on the back burner for anything and anyone else." — lenalilly227

5.

"Smoking and not dealing with my shit the right way." — Allenrw3

6.

"Pining after the wrong person." — runikepisteme

7.

"I turned 40 this year and just started liking who I am. Why the fuck did it take 40 years for self acceptance?" — guscallee

8.


"Take care of your fucking back. Lift with your knees. Sure it's rad when you grab a fridge by yourself and lift it in the back of a moving truck unaided, but one day that shit is going to have consequences that won't just magically go away by resting and "taking it easy" for a week." — GuyTallman

9.

"I wish I spent more time with my dad while I had the chance." — CharlieChooper

10.

"I'm 37. I absolutely could have taken better care of my body, but I'm in relatively good health. I'm starting to realize how important it is to maintain my health. I do also think I drank far too much in my 20 and early 30's. I'm trying to rectify that now, but it's hard. So that I guess." — dartastic

11.


"I'm not sure if people have experienced the same but when I entered my 30s I became convinced I was rapidly running out of time. Rather than using that as motivation I let it paralyze me with indecision because I "couldn't afford to make the wrong choice." Consequently, I'm now 39 and, though I've had great things happen in my 30s, I regret spending so much time worrying and so little time committing to a course of action." — tomwaste

12.

"Work to live, don’t live to work. You have half your working life after you turn 40 but only 20-25 years to really live it up before the responsibilities become heavy and your joints start to ache. Live life. Really LIVE it. Experience as much you can. Every sensation, sight, sound, touch. Be open. Be brave. Live your first few decades in the fast lane. You have the rest of your life to take it easy, when you have no choice." — MrDundee666

13.

"I should have paid more attention to my parents telling me to save money and less attention when they were teaching me about purity culture." — Arkie_MTB

14.

"If I could tell my 18 year old self one thing, it would be to save 10% of every paycheck I ever got." — PutAForkInHim

15.

"Thinking that I have time to do everything I want only to find myself loosing time, and the endless energy I used to have in order to purse them." — ezZiioFTW

16.

"Not wearing sunscreen." — blueboxreddress

17.

"Not recognizing the importance of work/life balance earlier in life. My late teens, all 20's, and early 30's were spent pulling 60-100+hr weeks because I thought it was what was required to succeed. How wrong I was. Others stabbed me in the back and reaped the reward.

1.) Putting work first for too long. Work is my #1 priority during work hours now. After quitting time, I don't think about it (much) anymore. I don't vent to my wife or friends about it anymore either.

2.) Investing more into fast cars than solid long-term investments. Sure, it was fun, but I could have made bookoos more had I put that towards less-fun investments.

3.) Not using PTO and just waiting for the payout. All those years, missed. I'm in my mid 30's and I didn't actually have a real vacation until 3 years ago.

4.) Not realizing that "the good guy" often loses. Just because you're morally justified doesn't mean you're going to win. Just because there's a number to call doesn't mean anyone will actually help you. Just because "law" exists, doesn't mean people follow it, enforce it, or create justice. The world is dog eat dog and cynicism can be healthy in moderate doses." — [Deleted]

18.

"When you get out of college, keep your friends. No matter how hard it is. Hold on to them." — mpssss22

19.

"I imagine these are kinda universal:

  • Not getting fit and healthy
  • Assuming I'd be offered proper guidance on how to achieve my goals
  • Assuming higher education would help me achieve my goals
  • Spending far too long caring what people think
  • Not taking risks that might better my life when I was younger and had nothing to lose
  • Staying in relationships too long after they were clearly done." — katapultperson

20.

"Always ask for more pay. Starting, yearly, before leaving, whatever. Get that money." — SensibleReply

21.

"Spending too much time in front of a screen and not enough enjoying life." — BellaPadella


This article originally appeared on 4.20.22

Education

Why didn't people smile in old photographs? It wasn't just about the long exposure times.

People blame these serious expressions on how long they had to sit for a photo, but that's not the whole picture.

Public domain images

Photos from the 1800s were so serious.

If you've ever perused photographs from the 19th and early 20th century, you've likely noticed how serious everyone looked. If there's a hint of a smile at all, it's oh-so-slight, but more often than not, our ancestors looked like they were sitting for a sepia-toned mug shot or being held for ransom or something. Why didn't people smile in photographs? Was life just so hard back then that nobody smiled? Were dour, sour expressions just the norm?

Most often, people's serious faces in old photographs are blamed on the long exposure time of early cameras, and that's true. Taking a photo was not an instant event like it is now; people had to sit still for many minutes in the 1800s to have their photo taken.

Ever try holding a smile for only one full minute? It's surprisingly difficult and very quickly becomes unnatural. A smile is a quick reaction, not a constant state of expression. Even people we think of as "smiley" aren't toting around full-toothed smiles for minutes on end. When you had to be still for several minutes to get your photo taken, there was just no way you were going to hold a smile for that long.

But there are other reasons besides long exposure times that people didn't smile in early photographs.

1800s photographsWhy so serious? Public domain

The non-smiling precedent had already been set by centuries of painted portraits

The long exposure times for early photos may have contributed to serious facial expressions, but so did the painted portraits that came before them. Look at all of the portraits of famous people throughout history prior to cameras. Sitting to be painted took hours, so smiling was out of the question. Other than the smallest of lip curls like the Mona Lisa, people didn't smile for painted portraits, so why would people suddenly think it normal to flash their pearly whites (which were not at all pearly white back then) for a photographed one? It simply wasn't how it was done.

A smirk? Sometimes. A full-on smile? Practically never.

"Mona Lisa" by Leonardo da Vinci, painted in 1503Public domain

Smiling usually indicated that you were a fool or a drunkard

Our perceptions of smiling have changed dramatically since the 1800s. In explaining why smiling was considered taboo in portraits and early photos, art historian Nicholas Jeeves wrote in Public Domain Review:

"Smiling also has a large number of discrete cultural and historical significances, few of them in line with our modern perceptions of it being a physical signal of warmth, enjoyment, or indeed of happiness. By the 17th century in Europe it was a well-established fact that the only people who smiled broadly, in life and in art, were the poor, the lewd, the drunk, the innocent, and the entertainment […] Showing the teeth was for the upper classes a more-or-less formal breach of etiquette."

"Malle Babbe" by Frans Hals, sometime between 1640 and 1646Public domain

In other words, to the Western sensibility, smiling was seen as undignified. If a painter did put a smile on the subject of a portrait, it was a notable departure from the norm, a deliberate stylistic choice that conveyed something about the artist or the subject.

Even the artists who attempted it had less-than-ideal results. It turns out that smiling is such a lively, fleeting expression that the artistically static nature of painted portraits didn't lend itself well to showcasing it. Paintings that did have subjects smiling made them look weird or disturbing or drunk. Simply put, painting a genuine, natural smile didn't work well in portraits of old.

As a result, the perception that smiling was an indication of lewdness or impropriety stuck for quite a while, even after Kodak created snapshot cameras that didn't have the long exposure time problem. Even happy occasions had people nary a hint of joy in the photographs that documented them.

wedding party photoEven wedding party photos didn't appear to be joyful occasions.Wikimedia Commons

Then along came movies, which may have changed the whole picture

So how did we end up coming around to grinning ear to ear for photos? Interestingly enough, it may have been the advent of motion pictures that pushed us towards smiling being the norm.

Photos could have captured people's natural smiles earlier—we had the technology for taking instant photos—but culturally, smiling wasn't widely favored for photos until the 1920s. One theory about that timing is that the explosion of movies enabled us to see emotions of all kinds playing out on screen, documenting the fleeting expressions that portraits had failed to capture. Culturally, it became normalized to capture, display and see all kind of emotions on people's faces. As we got more used to that, photo portraits began portraying people in a range of expression rather than trying to create a neutral image of a person's face.

Changing our own perceptions of old photo portraits to view them as neutral rather than grumpy or serious can help us remember that people back then were not a bunch of sourpusses, but people who experienced as wide a range of emotion as we do, including joy and mirth. Unfortunately, we just rarely get to see them in that state before the 1920s.

@dr.mattmcglasson/Instagram

Pretty sure every cat person feel the same way.

No one would get a dog expecting it to not bark, try to eat human food or need daily walks. And yet people regularly get flummoxed when their just-as-loveable cat exhibits completely natural behaviors like climbing tabletops or scratching at furniture.

Of course, cat people, who delight in adapting their life to make it as enriching as possible for their feline fur babies, know the flaws of this logic. After all, most cats spend more time in the house than their human counterparts. So shouldn’t the house belong just as much to them?

If you answered yes—then this clapback video (from a vet, no less), should have you feeling pretty vindicated. And if you answered no—prepare to see the error of your ways.

Dr. Matt McGlasson is a veterinarian in Kentucky, who also happens to be the proud dad of a 5-year-old special needs cat named Rupaul.

McGlasson recently was told by a viewer that it’s "disgusting" that he allows Rupaul on his furniture (as opposed to human butts only, which are okay, I guess?).

McGlasson’s response to this comment recently racked up over 11.8 million views, with good reason.

In a clip posted to his Instagram, McGlasson holds up Rupaul, who can’t use her hind legs, and shamelessly lists off all the other things he would allow for his kitty, including:

-Cosigning a loan for Rupaul

-Letting Rupaul do his taxes

-Giving Rupaul the passwords to all of his accounts.

-Capital Punishment, which he’s not normally a support of. But if someone hurts Rupaul, “that’s another story."

-Going into a business with Rupaul

-Giving Rupaul $20,000 for bringing him a dead mouse

-Making Rupaul the beneficiary on my life insurance policy.

And last, but certainly not least…letting Rupaul on the furniture.

Put simply: “My cat can do whatever she wants. It's her world. I'm just living in it.”

Down in the comments, fellow cat owners couldn’t agree more with McGlasson’s sentiment.

“My husband picked his new chair based on the cat , the arm had to be wide enough for her to sit whenever she chooses to have quality time with him.”

“I would donate my kidneys to Square if she needed them. Yes… I mean both 😂”

“‘You let your cat sleep with you?’ Ma’am, I’d let him represent me in court.”

“I bought my house for my senior kitties. I wanted to get out of our apartment so they could feel grass beneath their paws again before their time was up.”

Others reiterated how it’s a gift to be able to create a healthy, happy life for a pet, and freaking out about furniture is kind of missing the joint.

“Like I don't understand ppl who r so against cats on furniture. If ur against pets on furniture probably don't have them. Treat your pets with love and respect. When you take an animal into ur home it becomes their home and safe place. All of the things in ur house become a part of their world and cats like to naturally be elevated. My cats do what they want because they aren't pets they are family. They own the place I just live here. Lol,” wrote one person.

Bottom line: climbing is part of a cat’s inherent programming. And if cat owners truly want their home to be a safe space for their kitty, then this should be taken into consideration.

The good news is, there are plenty of cat-friendly ways you can coax them off of furniture, like making sure there are plenty of dedicated cat trees to climb and scratching posts to sink their claws into, or opting for furniture with fabrics that cats don’t love as much, like microfiber.

And as a general rule, cats respond to positive reinforcement, rather than punishment. Contrary to outdated, yet still popular belief, cats don’t “know” when they're being bad. And they will learn to associate their own with negative attention. That’s not fun for anyone.

As McGlasson, or any other pet owner can attest, having their presence in our homes provides so much fulfillment and connection, that small compromises—or large bank loans—are well worth it.

By the way, McGlasson’s TikTok and Instagram are full of hilarious cat content, so be sure to give him a follow.

Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani wows audiences with his amazing musical talents.

Mozart was known for his musical talent at a young age, playing the harpsichord at age 4 and writing original compositions at age 5. So perhaps it's fitting that a video of 5-year-old piano prodigy Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani playing Mozart has gone viral as people marvel at his musical abilities.

Alberto's legs couldn't even reach the pedals, but that didn't stop his little hands from flying expertly over the keys as incredible music pours out of the piano at the 10th International Musical Competition "Città di Penne" in Italy in 2022. Even if you've seen young musicians play impressively, it's hard not to have your jaw drop at this one. Sometimes a kid comes along who just clearly has a gift.

Of course, that gift has been helped along by two professional musician parents. But no amount of teaching can create an ability like this.


Alberto first started playing in 2020 in the early months of the COVID-19 pandemic. Italy was one of the first countries to experience a serious lockdown, and Alberto's mother used the opportunity to start teaching her son to play piano. Alessia Cingolani and her husband Simone Cartuccia are both music conservatory graduates, and mom Alessia told Italian entertainment website Contrataque that she and her husband recognized Alberto's talent immediately.

She said that although Alberto spends a lot of time at the piano, he also has plenty of time for school and play and television, like a normal kid.

There's genuinely nothing "normal" about this kid's piano playing, though. Watch:

Wow, right? There are countless adults who took years of piano lessons and never got to that level of playing. It's like he's channeling Amadeus himself.

According to Corriere Adriatico, by the time he was 4 1/2 years old, Alberto had participated in seven national and international online competitions and won first place in all of them. His mother told the outlet that he started out practicing for about 10 minutes a day and gradually increased to three hours.

"He has a remarkable flair for the piano," she said. Um, yeah. Clearly.

Some commenters expressed some concern for the boy based on his seriousness and what looks like dark circles under his eyes in the video, but if you check out other videos of Alberto playing at home, he is more relaxed. Most of his playing and competition entries have been done online, so performing for a crowd is probably new for him. And in interviews, his mother has made it clear that they prioritize normal childhood activities.

Some children are just genuine prodigies, and Alberto certainly seems to fit that bill. Can't wait to see what kind of musical future awaits this kid.


This article originally appeared on 5.4.22

BlanksheetPlaya/TikTok

A relatively unknown creator on TikTok has been making waves recently.

Known as "Blanksheet Playa," the creator from Vancouver has been dishing out tips for men for the past couple of months: Tips for dating, self-confidence, health, fitness, you name it.

He recently went mega viral in an untagged post on X, so I had to track him down and see his videos for myself.

I was not disappointed by what I found.

The advice is — what he calls "Playa Moves" — is not what you'd expect.

In one of Blanksheet Playa's most popular videos, he gives words of encouragement for guys who are nervous when talking to girls.

"Playa move. If you are nervous when speaking to a female, communicate that to her. By saying this out loud, it will automatically calm your nerves. And if she is a good person, she will provide comfort. This will, in turn, relax you even further and allow the best of your personality to shine through."

And then he hits his signature sign off. "Real playa shit."

@blanksheet.playa

Playa move number seventeen.

Here's another 'playa move' from the man himself. "Respect women at all times."

Respect is, according to Blanksheet, the key distinction between a player and a playa.

"Players deceive, undermine and lie to women to get into bed with them. Playas use our ability in a positive way, to have mutually respecting and honest relationships with women."


@blanksheet.playa

Playa move number six.

Here are a few other certified 'Playa Moves' to improve your dating life and self-confidence:

To date, he's offered 34 Playa Moves. Here are a few of my favorites.

  • Get serious about wearing condoms (good advice for Gen Z men who refuse to do this)
  • Go down on your women (the oral sex gap is real, and due for a shakeup)
  • Receive all hate with love (just a good way to make the world a better place)

(Not all the tips are a homerun. Like "Never read," and "Hide your emotions" — come on, playa.)

The Playa Moves are resonating with guys and girls everywhere.

"so many men don't realize that just being authentic and kind will take you further than any kind of bravado ever will," one commenter wrote.

"i was waiting for a punchline,' wrote another about the bait-and-switch set up to the videos, "and then by the end i didn’t want a punchline"

"Wow, I expected a joke but that was solid advice," added another.

I've come across enough terrible Gen Z dating advice on TikTok to know the good stuff when I see it.

Most of it has to do with trying to become someone you're not, whether it's reshaping your mouth and eyebrows with creams and daily stretches, or talking less to appear more mysterious.

Here's a dude advocating for people to be the best version of their authentic selves, and to be open and honest in their communications. If people don't like you as you are? Blanksheet says that's cool, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Even better, he's doing it in a funny way, which helps the message spread even farther.

Keep it up, playa. This is the advice guys really need right now.

Joy

Single mom and domestic violence survivor passes bar exam. Her kids' reactions are contagious.

"Explain to me why I’m crying when I don’t even know what a CA Bar Exam is."

Single mom passes bar exam, kids' reaction is contagious

Editor's Note: This story contains mention and/or embedded images of domestic violence. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence and need help call 1-800-799-SAFE or text “START” to 88788 to reach The National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Going back to school is a big endeavor to take on as an adult already in the workforce, but it becomes even more challenging when you're a parent and especially when you're parenting solo. There's a lot that goes into earning a post graduate degree and it usually involves long hours of studying, completing assignments and more. But when you're a parent, you're juggling all of that on top of your parental and work responsibilities which can sometimes feel impossible.

In order to create a better future for themselves and their children, some parents happily accept the challenges that come with being a non-traditional student. There are some post graduate degrees that require either a licensure exam or another type of professional exam in order to legally practice your new occupation upon completion of school. These exams can be brutal, taking many recent graduates multiple tries to reach a passing score.

Those exams are the last hurdle between a graduate and the rest of their professional life. It's a big deal. A single mom and domestic violence survivor recently finished school to become an attorney but before she can practice law, she needs to pass the California bar exam. The mom of two completed the exam and uploaded a video to TikTok of her and her two children awaiting the results. Immediately it seems one child is overwhelmed with emotion before the results even populate.


The woman sits nervously smiling alternating her gaze from the camera to her computer screen while the two children rock and pace behind her. One of the kids is anxiously crying while the other has their hood and shirt pulled up nearly covering their entire face. This is a big moment and the children appear keenly aware. In just a few clicks of the keyboard the woman says, "oh my God," in disbelief before the reality instantly sinks in causing her to scream, "oh my God. I passed!"

The kids fill with so much emotion as the run to their mom but mere seconds pass before all three of them are shrieking blubbering messes overflowing with excitement. "Oh my God, yes, I passed. We did it," she sobs while pulling the crying kids close. The joyful moment is certainly contagious because the comments are filled with people admitting to crying along with the family's beautiful moment.

One person writes, "Loook here!!!!! You got the babies crying, strangers crying………we all just crying!!!!!!!CONGRATS!!!!!!"

Another shares, "You ladies don't even know... the CA bar exam is tough, and on the first try too! This is unstoppable excellence right here, no joke! Congratulations. Got me jumping up and down and crying over here."

Someone else chimes in, "Not me, over here in the UK, not knowing you, or what the hell this CA Bar Exam is but having a good ol’ cry with you anyway."

Happy Black Girl GIFGiphy

A commenter jokes about all the tears flowing, "Girl I ain’t wake up to do all this crying today. I feel like I passed too. Congrats."

"Every sacrifice you had to make, every time you stayed up late studying, EV VER REE thing you did to get TO THIS moment, you showed your babies to stay the course & NEVER give up. Congratulations," another person says.

This is a moment that these kids will likely remember forever and the example she set of hard work and dedication is a lesson they'll take with them into adulthood. Congratulations are certainly in order for this family.