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Military life has its ups and downs. Here's how families cope with it.

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When Meredith Lozar's daughter was just 3 and a half years old, her husband, Nick, came home from a tour of combat in Afghanistan.

He had been gone for nine months. During that time, Meredith did everything she could to keep their daughter connected to him — showing her photo albums and even giving her an old shirt of Nick's to sleep with at night.

But when Nick finally came home, instead of the joyful reunion one might expect, Meredith watched her husband freeze with fear.

"He stood at the threshold of her room afraid to go inside … he wasn't sure she would even remember him."

While Nick was afraid he had been forgotten, those fears would quickly turn to joy.

"[Our daughter] recognized him immediately," Meredith remembers. "While she did not go to him, she did kiss him on the cheek and say, 'Hi Daddy.'"

And that meant the world to him; it was a major step forward as their family reunited, got used to being together again, and recovered from the stress of deployment.

Of course, this wasn't Nick's first homecoming nor would it be his last. Over his 17-year career as a Marine, his family lived through eight deployments and five combat tours. And with each reunion, there came new complex emotions, anxieties, fears, pain, and, of course, joy at finally being back together. But that's the reality, Lozar says, of being a military family.

With the Fourth of July approaching, there's never been a better time to learn more about military families and their experiences.That's why we've created this list of 17 things military families want you to know about them.

[rebelmouse-image 19346429 dam="1" original_size="5616x3744" caption="Photo by Stephanie McCabe/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by Stephanie McCabe/Unsplash.

1. Reunions aren't always picture perfect.

Many of us have an image in our mind of how it plays out. A playful Labrador retriever tackles a man in military uniform, hardly able to contain excitement after months apart. Or a daughter is in tears as her mother, fresh off the plane in her combat boots, rushes to embrace her. After all, most of us have clicked on those emotional homecoming videos as they float across our newsfeeds.

But not every reunion goes down like that.

[rebelmouse-image 19346430 dam="1" original_size="5472x3648" caption="Photo by Jonathan Tajalle/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by Jonathan Tajalle/Unsplash.

"I can tell you that it's not that easy," saysSavannah Hewett, whose husband works as a security officer in the military.

Once, for example, she and her husband had been apart for 465 days. She had planned to surprise him at the airport only to find out that his deployment had suddenly been delayed by a week. Then, when that next week came, she had to wait over seven hours in the airport before she could finally embrace him.

2. Many families find ways to help their kids stay connected even while military members are away.

While separation can be difficult, there are creative ways that families stay connected to deployed loved ones. Some military members record a favorite bedtime story for their kids before deployment or create special photo albums. Even an old blanket or shirt can help a child feel comforted while mom or dad is away.

[rebelmouse-image 19346432 dam="1" original_size="5471x3647" caption="Photo by Bruno Nascimento/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by Bruno Nascimento/Unsplash.

3. Finally coming back home can be an adjustment.

When military members come back home, it can take time for a family to reintegrate after having spent so much time apart.

Hewett describes that separation as living "two separate lives" — hers back at home while she parents and tries to maintain some sense of normalcy and his defending their country overseas. For kids, especially some who might not totally understand why a parent left or were too young to remember, seeing those lives come back together can be challenging.

Thankfully, those transitional times are made easier by organizations like Blue Star Families, which focuses on providing support to military families, including free events for them. Even a day at a planetarium can make all the difference for a family that is newly reunited.

That's why Macy's is making it easy for all of us to support charities like Blue Star Families. As part of their July 4 Give Back campaign, if you donate $3 at checkout in stores or online, you'll receive 25% off your purchase and a portion of your donation goes to helping Blue Star Families with their mission.

[rebelmouse-image 19346433 dam="1" original_size="6720x4480" caption="Photo by Edward Cisneros/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by Edward Cisneros/Unsplash.

4. Of course, being reunited isn't the end of the story.

As long as they are enlisted, military members are still at work — and work can mean multiple deployments. Since 2001, more than 900,000 children have experienced the deployment of one or both parents multiple times.

"They're still deploying to every clime and place, as is their job. And the unknowns and uncertainty that come along with that still exist," Lozar says. "We don't know, sometimes, when our service member will be home, and we don't always know what they're supporting. And that's all part of it."

5. Deployment isn't like any normal long distance relationship, either.

It can be easy to try and put yourself in a military spouse's shoes by remembering a time when you and your partner were long distance. It's just not the same thing, though. Spouses not only have to grapple with distance, they also have to cope with the anxiety of not knowing if their spouse will return safely and how an injury or loss could change their family's future.

6. Spouses trying to overcome that distance have to find ways to cope, which can mean getting a little creative.

It's not uncommon to go months without hearing from a service member, particularly if they're in active combat or special forces. Even a phone call or a letter home isn't guaranteed to come with any regularity, which means that every time there's breaking news about an attack, many families are left feeling helpless, not knowing if their military members are safe and dreading the worst.

That said, as technology has evolved, many military spouses have found new ways to stay connected. For military members with access to WiFi, virtual dates have become much more common thanks to platforms like Skype. So while the distance can be difficult, when spouses finally reconnect, seeing their loved one's face is priceless.

[rebelmouse-image 19346434 dam="1" original_size="4336x2891" caption="Photo by Hanny Naibaho/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by Hanny Naibaho/Unsplash.

7. All this time alone though means that some military families can start to feel isolated.

In fact, according to a survey conducted by Blue Star Families, more than half of military families feel they do not belong in their civilian communities.

"The price of war runs so much deeper than what I think most civilians realize," Hewett explains. While trying to lead their own lives and fit into their new communities, they also have to deal with having a loved one at war while parenting alone — and it can take a toll.

That's why Lozar works as Blue Star Families' connected communities manager, helping military families better integrate into their communities.

8. This isolation isn't helped by the fact that they have to move a lot.

According to the Blue Star Families annual Military Family Lifestyle Survey, 72% of military families live in their communities for two years or less before moving, which means they don't get enough time to really form any deep connections with their communities.

It also means that the average military kid will have attended anywhere between six to nine schools by the time they're a senior in high school. If you've ever been the new kid on the block or in class — not knowing where to sit at lunch or how to make new friends — imagine the emotional roller coaster that comes with being that kid every two years.

However, according to Hewett, many military families can be fortunate enough to move together, so families that developed close ties on one base may wind up making the same move to another.

9. But that's just one of many sacrifices military kids make.

All the bedtime stories, birthdays, holidays, graduations, and sports games missed can take their toll. And the very real confusion, fear, and even anger over a parent's absence, however noble that absence might be, means that these kids can struggle with their mental health a lot more than their civilian peers.

That said, with the right support, military kids can thrive. As with any mental health challenge, early intervention is key to ensuring youth have the resources they need to succeed.

[rebelmouse-image 19346435 dam="1" original_size="4928x3280" caption="Photo by Frank McKenna/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by Frank McKenna/Unsplash.

10. Spouses make their own sacrifices too, including professional ones.

The military wife staring wistfully out of a window waiting for her husband to return is a stereotype. Being a military spouse simply isn't a full-time job.

In fact, a second source of income is very important to many military families, who may find that a military income isn't sufficient to support them. Not to mention, spouses often have career aspirations of their own, and those aspirations can sustain them while their partners are away.

11. Unfortunately military spouses can have a tough time getting hired.

The military spouse unemployment rate is estimated to be at least four times higher than the civilian rate. Because they often move frequently, their resumes can look a little different, with positions held for short periods of time or gaps when jobs were difficult to secure. That leads to many spouses remaining unemployed, underemployed, or taking on volunteer roles instead.

"[Employers] know they're going to move in a couple years or a couple months," says Hewett, who knows this issue all too well, having struggled herself to find meaningful work. That's why she decided, after being unable to secure flexible work that fit into her family's unpredictable schedule, to volunteer as the president of New Mexico's Blue Star Families chapter to support families like hers.

[rebelmouse-image 19346436 dam="1" original_size="3000x1843" caption="Photo by rawpixel/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by rawpixel/Unsplash.

Luckily, though, this is starting to change. Many companies are starting to make it a priority to hire military members and their spouses.

12. However, securing reliable childcare can be a challenge.

Spouses also struggle to land work because securing childcare can be difficult. "It's very challenging for us because our service member doesn't have [predictable] hours," Hewett explains.

It's difficult to know when you'll need a sitter if your spouse is called to the base at the last minute, deploys with little time to prepare, or picks up an extra shift unexpectedly. "Often times, as the spouse, we are [both parents], at unexpected times and for long periods of times," Hewett says.

And even when you finally figure out a good system, you'll likely be moving again and have to start over. That's why assistance programs and day cares that offer subsidized care for military families are so crucial.

13. Housing can be tricky, but it's not all bad.

Obviously if you're moving frequently, you can't really buy a house and expect to live there forever. And with some military bases being very isolated, many families are faced with a difficult decision. They could live on base and take whatever the military is willing to provide, choose a location that isn't near much of anything, or live entirely separate lives from their spouses until they can reunite again.

However, there are great aspects to living on base. Depending on where you're stationed, some bases have campgrounds, community events, dancing, youth centers, arts and crafts centers, libraries, and bowling alleys. What's more, many military families develop close bonds to other families in the area, creating an important sense of camaraderie.

14. There are a lot of misconceptions about their families — and the stereotypes hurt.

Infographic via Upworthy.

15. And that's why, even with support from other military families, veterans need their civilian communities more than ever.

[rebelmouse-image 19346438 dam="1" original_size="3460x2618" caption="Photo by Benjamin Faust/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by Benjamin Faust/Unsplash.

Studies are showing that many veterans struggle with loneliness, with vets reporting that their spouses are often their sole confidants.

With social and community support, as well as a little education, the mental health of military families could improve significantly. "Even one connection is all it takes to help a military family feel less isolated," Lozar says.

16. Thankfully, that connection is something any one of us could offer.

Lozar says that being neighborly can make all the difference. "Military families want to be more involved in their neighborhoods," Lozar explains.

"Be a good neighbor and go over and say hello," she continues. "Help that person feel more welcome."

[rebelmouse-image 19346439 dam="1" original_size="4288x2848" caption="Photo by Brandon Morgan/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by Brandon Morgan/Unsplash.

Beyond a simple hello, support could look like volunteering with organizations like Blue Star Families, offering free child care to a local military family that's struggling, helping those families connect with sports teams or clubs for their kids, and encouraging schools to reach out to new military families to get them more involved.

17. Even with these sacrifices, it doesn't mean that military families regret their decision.

"There's a lot of hardship, but there's also a lot of good things, too. We have the opportunity to travel. We meet people all over the world," Hewett says. "And somehow [the military becomes] your family."

For families like Hewett's, there is pride in knowing that they've contributed to something bigger than themselves.

"I don't think anybody would regret being a military family," she continues. "[We have] a higher purpose. There is something far greater than us that's going on that we're a part of."

Salute those who serve by donating at Macy's to organizations that support veteran and military families from June 28 to July 8.

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From Your Site Articles

Pets

Veterinarian lists 6 things pet owners do that 'give him the ick.' Pet parents, take note.

Though meant in good fun, these 'icks' contain some helpful pointers.

Photo credit: Canva

No pet owner wants to give their vet "the ick."

Ally McBeal first brought us the phrase “gives me the ick” back in 1999, and it’s had a resurgence in recent years, thanks to TikTok. While mostly reserved for describing annoyances in the dating world, the term can and has been used to describe virtually every red flag or pet peeve under the sun. Now, thanks to Dr. Frank Bozelka, we can enjoy a veterinarian version of “the icks.”

Just to be clear, the icks in question don’t come from the patients themselves…but the pet parents. While Dr. Bozelka is clearly just poking fun, he doesn’t shy away from highlighting some of the choices that pet parents make that cause some serious problems for their furry friends.

Ick #1 - Trusting a breeder's opinion over a vet’s

As Bozelka points out in his video caption, breeders “are not medical experts.” He added that while there are certainly knowledgeable breeders out there—even some who taught him breed specific tidbits—”most of the time you’re dealing with a backyard breeder who is literally just trying to dodge any responsibility.”

Hence why his gut reaction when he hears someone refer to a breeder’s opinion as gospel is to “cringe.”

Even breeders agreed on this one. One wrote, “As a breeder I never give medical advice. I say: ‘please go see your vet.’ Maybe because I’m also a vet tech.”

Ick # 2 - Doing the opposite of what the vet says they would do

Next on the list: when someone asks, “If this were your dog what would you do?" then proceeds to do the opposite of what he’d do.

“Bro, why did you even ask me?” he says in the clip. Seriously, why ask if you're not even going to take the information to heart?

University Of Washington Dog GIF by Pac-12 NetworkGiphy

Ick # 3 - Not accommodating a dog that needs lots of activity

Some people desperately want, say, a husky dog because they're so beautiful and so smart. But breeds like that also have very high activity needs that require some pretty significant lifestyle changes. And yet, people complain when that same breed of dog is tearing up the house all the time because they're not giving them the physical activity outlets they require.

In other words, you can put a dog bred to race sleds through the snow into a 12' by 12' living room and expect them to just happily chill there.

Ick #4 - Buying a pet after doing zero research on the specific needs of the breed

Along the lines of the husky example, pet owners really need to understand the breed of animal they are getting.

“I cannot stress this enough: DO NOT JUST BUY A BREED BECAUSE IT’S CUTE! DO! YOUR! HOMEWORK!” Bozelka wrote in all caps.

Dog breeds in particular vary a lot and some have very specific needs that an owner may not be prepared to handle. Know what you're getting into before making a decade-plus long commitment to care for an animal.

Ick #5 - Complaining about wait times at the ER

No one wants to be made to wait when their animal needs to be seen, but there's only so much that is under the staff's control.

“We know it’s frustrating,” Bozelka writes, “The dirty truth, however, is the vast majority of the time it’s NOT the fault of the hospital staff. It’s the other owner and the cases we are seeing."

Ick #6 - Retractable leashes

Lastly, Dr. Bozelka listed retractable leashes as an ick, simply because they’re so dangerous. He’s seen “far more injuries caused” by them in comparison to other leashes, so better to be safe than sorry.

While not every vet might have the same icks as Bozelka, it’s easy to see how any one in his situation would be aggravated. Vets undergo years of education and training to help give our pets the best life possible. And when we make their job even harder, frustration is inevitable.

Dr. Bozelka has also shared things pet owners do that vets love:

According to the website KeepingItPawsome.com, there are a few other behaviors that vets find frustrating, including:

Overfeeding, trusting “Dr. Google” over their professional opinion, being verbally abusive or getting hysterical in the waiting room, not having pet insurance or an emergency fund, waiting too long before brining the pet in to get a check up, expecting free treatment or reduced fees, giving up on sick or old pets, trying medications or supplements without consulting them (again, Google can’t always be trusted), and last but not least—expecting a quick and easy fix.

Vets want what’s best for our fur babies. So these are good things to remember as pet parents, so that we may better help them help us.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Internet

Was the 90s the last 'great' era? Gen Xers share 8 reasons why the answer is 'no.'

Every generation has its pros and cons.

Added by Northern Irelandball to Wikifandom

A photo of Kurt Cobain.

We often view the 90s as a golden era of optimism, a “simpler” time when we weren’t so disconnected by technology, when the economy was booming and the cultural landscape was rich in great music, movies, television, you name it.

But, as with any decade, there were a great many cons to go along with those pros. Folks who were adults (or at least close to it) during the 90s can easily recall plenty of darker moments. So when they were asked, "What was bad about the '90s?" people didn’t hold back.

Interestingly enough, there weren’t as many mentions about the shifting political landscape—the paranoia set in from 9/11, the Gulf War Recession (which paved the way for Bill Clinton winning the presidency), Rush Limbaugh laying the groundwork for Fox News and thusly the Republican Party we know today, etc.—but rather, people focused on how day to day life felt.

1. For one thing, as folks mentioned, 90s diet culture was…intense. Let’s not forget that the word “heroine chic” was coined (and normalized!) during this era. And because thinness was the only body type deemed “attractive” by the media, it led to some really questionable foods that were somehow deemed healthy. Of course, diet-obsessed or not, a lot of foods that were mainstream at the time are now a bit perplexing.

"Female celebrities were shrinking to child sizes and getting praised for it. 'Thinspo' was a thing. ALL my friends group from high school and college, including myself, had eating disorders — Marlboro Light and Diet Coke for every meal. Our idea of sports was extreme cardio only. We were SO unhealthy. Thank God we were young enough to bounce back to normal without major issues."

"Maybe it was my house, but everything was 'low-fat' or 'non-fat' and tasted like sh*t. As it later turned out, the fat wasn't the problem but the sugar they put in everything."

"The 'poison food' era — full of dyes, sugar, preservatives, and artificial ingredients, packaged and microwaved in plastic for your convenience. The nutritional guidance was so bad it kicked off an obesity epidemic we’re only solving now, thanks to breakthrough medication."

2. And let’s be honest, women were not only dealing with terrible beauty standards, but misogyny as well.

“I was grabbed in various situations, pushed in corners, kissed involuntarily from the time I was 11 years old, etc. As a girl, you just had to live with it. "

"Belittling, discouraging comments towards women, especially young ones, were normal; society expected its women to be pretty and available at all times but saints and virgins in their minds and bodies. So, basically, like today."

"There was a lot of media pitting girls against girls and framing other women as competition, not friends."

"People would say the most unhinged things about my (and others') looks and hobbies, and it was socially acceptable for them to do so. It was wild that being a mean girl was encouraged. I’m so glad we’ve moved past that as a society; the '90s were a brutal time."

3. Life wasn’t so great for the LGBTQ community either.

"Between AIDS, 'don't ask, don't tell,' the Defense of Marriage Act, Matthew Shepard's murder, etc., coming out of the closet was scary as hell. We made some gains, and it felt like we were closer to acceptance, but there was so much backlash and fear."

"Growing up as a queer kid in the '90s meant I had no LGBTQ+ role models to look up to, so I learned to lie about myself in order to survive. I came out when I was in high school in the early 2000s, and more than half of my 'friends' stopped talking to me.

In middle school in the late '90s, the school psychologist tried to force me to come out so she could shame me in front of my parents. She also interviewed all my friends to try to find out if I ever acted 'gay' around them and even wanted to know if I had ever tried to kiss them; the school knew all about this. One of my friends was sent to a conversion camp, and we didn't hear from him again until Facebook became popular.

I sometimes still wonder how the hell I survived, but I'm glad I did."

“Where I grew up in the 90s we used homophobic slurs all the time to describe basically anything we didn't like for any reason. I did, everyone else did, it was just completely ubiquitous.”

4. People were also quick to note how drastically different attitudes were towards mental health. We might have seen the beginnings of shifts towards community-based care, increased focus on medication, and growing efforts to reduce stigma at this time, but it was still a stark contrast to the openness of conversation and access to resources that we have today.

"Being a child diagnosed with autism in the '90s, I was lumped in the special education classes despite not needing them, and it sucked. Back then, anyone who was autistic was typically thought of as 'slow.'"

"I never heard the words anxiety, depression, coping strategies. Everyone in my family was drinking their feelings away and denying the feelings existed."

"Mental health support was still stigmatized as something only 'crazy' people got. My dad died in '97, and I had a complete psychotic breakdown in '99. My mom cried while asking if I wanted to see a psychiatrist. Going to therapy was viewed as a death sentence."

5. On the subject of health, let’s keep in mind that smoking indoors wasn’t banned until the late 90s/2000s. And drunk driving? Pretty damn acceptable.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"Cigarette smoke was everywhere — stores, malls, you name it. Smoking sections in restaurants were sometimes on the left side of an aisle as if that helped. It was so weird when my parents quit smoking because I stopped being nose blind to the smell. That sh*t REEKS."

"When I was a teenager, we moved, and while packing, we removed the pictures on the wall and noticed white squares left where they had been hung. The change was so gradual that none of us noticed it — so nasty. Until that point, both of my parents previously stopped smoking IN the house but still smoked elsewhere. That was the final straw that caused my father to fully quit."

"Drunk driving didn't have the stigma it does today. It took a long campaign waged by MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) to shift public perception on how dangerous drunk driving is."

"When I was a child, we had a group of family friends whose kids were all around the same age. The parents would throw house parties, taking turns hosting and partying hard while the kids played. At the end of the night, they’d all load the kids in the car and drive home absolutely hammered. Everyone was like this—not just my parents’ friend group. I’m sure it still happens today, but I haven’t seen it."

6. Raising kids in the 90s certainly had its cons, as comments mentioned the media-fueled fear of child abduction, prevalence of child abuse, gang violence, and the first school shootings.

"Columbine deeply altered my worldview. I was a kid in the '90s, and until 1999, at the age of 13, I was never concerned about a school shooting — it just wasn’t a thing…I went 13 years without the remote concern of a school shooter. Who can say that now?"

"The constant fear of being kidnapped. My mom always told my sister and me to stay close to her when we were out because too many kids were getting taken. I remember seeing posters of missing children at the supermarket, and it was sad and scary."

"Gangs were rampant in the 90s — everywhere. I grew up in a suburb, but we still had ESL, aka 'Bloods,' Crypts, New Wave, Skinheads, etc., represented. Kids were pressured into joining these gangs when they were young. I witnessed my first major gang fight in eighth grade when thirty kids began brawling after school. The next Monday, I had friends on crutches; one kid got sliced with a knife, thankfully not deep, and four others had broken bones in their hands, etc. No one talked to anyone about anything, so there were no suspensions."

"If a parent grabbed a kid by their hair, hit them, or screamed obscenities at them, the public at large would just mind their business or even jump in to defend the parents' 'right to discipline,' and teachers were allowed to beat us at school. Any adult could hit a child, and people would just stand there and agree with it. Most friends I had growing up were 'latchkey' kids and neglected at home from super young ages. They had to walk home from elementary school, cook dinner for themselves, feed their siblings, and care for the house. Parents didn’t seem to care about their kids. At night, commercials asked: 'Did you hug your child today?' And 'It’s 10 p.m. Do you know where your child is?' Those commercials/PSAs started decades before, but they continued throughout the late '90s."

7. While the 90s was obviously a pivotal moment for technology, most cutting edge items weren’t fully accessible to the general public. There are just many modern-day conveniences we take for granted now.

"If your family lived in a rural area and wasn't rich enough to immediately buy a computer, you could be lonely in a way that people can't even comprehend now. I spent the last two years of high school doing nothing, watching TV and playing 16-bit RPGs repeatedly because I couldn't get anywhere or do anything."

"And yes, I know that sounds super chill nowadays, but back then, it could be very depressing — especially when you knew that the kids who had cars were going to concerts and coffee houses while you were just home alone doing nothing. It was maddening."

“Nothing was chargeable. You needed batteries.”

“It may sound strange but not having cell phones meant if you planned to meet someone somewhere and they were late, you had no idea if they were just around the corner or going to be an hour late or at the wrong place and you had to just stand there staring into space because you didn't have reddit to scroll through while you waited.”

“One of my best friends from grade school moved away. He wrote his phone number down on a piece of paper so we could keep in touch. I lost it. Never spoke to him again because I had no way to contact him.”

8. Lastly (and this one might hurt for Kurt Cobain fans) not everyone was a fan of 90s music.

"Everyone loves the music from the '90s, but it’s all so bleak. Most of the grunge bands were singing about addiction, severe depression, and barely coping. I think a lot of that bled into mainstream society. The 'alternative' music scene was rife with gut-wrenching lyrics.""

"I was in high school/college then, and I can’t go back and listen to bands like Alice In Chains, Mad Season, Nirvana, and Pearl Jam anymore. Back in the day, I listened to it constantly, and I loved it, but in hindsight, I think it harmed my psyche. Thank God I found The Grateful Dead when I did."

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Health

People are finally discussing the secret etiquette of pooping at someone else's house

Is the courtesy flush polite or a waste of water?

Canva Photos

Lighting a candle? That's basic compared to these advanced tips.

Poop anxiety isn't the most heavily studied medical field, but some estimates say up to a third of people suffer from some kind of anxiety around going to the bathroom in a public place or another person's home. On the low end, they can feel ashamed or embarrassed. At the higher end, they may avoid social functions, public events, or leaving their own home entirely. This phenomenon also tends to affect women more than men. For some people the worry gets so bad that they constipate themselves or refuse to eat, all because they're worried of what people will think of them.

But you don't have to have extreme "shy bowel" to know the uncertainty associated with feeling a rumbly tummy while you're a guest in someone's house. There are a lot of unknowns to manage. How good is their soundproofing? Does their toilet actually flush properly? Will someone be waiting to go in right after me? Some people anticipate these worries and come up with elaborate rules and routines to leave as little evidence of their go as possible.

A guy took a simple question to social media: Should you always courtesy flush when you're a guest in someone's house? The answer sparked a huge debate about the secret etiquette of public pooping.

poop, bathroom, dancing, funny, humor, toilet This dancing poop says pooping can be fun!Giphy

In a thread on the subreddit r/NoStupidQuestions, the OP asked: "My mother tells me that at other people's houses, when going to the bathroom, it's expected to do a 'courtesy flush'. Is this a real thing?"

For the uninitiated, a courtesy flush is when you flush halfway through your "go." The thinking is that it helps get rid of odors before they build up. Not only that did the poster's mother advocate for courtesy flushing, she insisted on a very specific ritual when visiting other people's homes:

Always carry Poopurri and spray before you go
Flush halfway through your session
Flush at the end (obviously)
Clean toilet bowl with wand... every time!

If it sounds a little extreme to you, you're not alone.

However, some commenters were extremely pro-courtesy flush.

toilet, bathroom, home, hygiene, cleaning, etiquette White ceramic toilet bowl with cover. Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

"I’ve done the 'courtesy flush' thing for years… mainly to help minimize lingering odors more than any other reason."

"That’s good advice. First flush on delivery, second flush with clean up. Reduces odor and skid marks."

A few people noted that the courtesy flush is common in jails and prisons, of all places. Due to the tight (extremely tight) quarters, inmates are encouraged to repeatedly flush while they go. I don't want to know what the consequence might be for violating this code.

Others claimed the courtesy flush was a waste of water:

"Flushing twice seems very wasteful in my opinion. I would not like a guest to do that."

"No, please don't waste my water. But do make sure everything goes down."

"If someone did that at my house I'd be low key annoyed at them for wasting water."

Experts agree that the effectiveness of the courtesy flush is very much up for debate. Does it mildly lessen odor? Maybe. It's also a gigantic waste of water. Older toilets can use up to six gallons per flush—yikes! An extra flush is also questionable at best when it comes to sanitation—flushing poop with the lid open is known to spray bacteria all over the bathroom. Yuck.

"Everyone poops, I don't want my guests worrying about it," wrote one commenter. "Crack a window if it's like, lethally stinky, I guess. If you clog the toilet, the plunger is in a plastic tub right there. If you need help, cool, now we have a funny story."

The courtesy flush, however, was only the beginning of the OPSEC tips for pooping in public.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Some commenters were on board with OP's mother's idea of using the toilet brush if it's available:

"If there's some brown stuck to the porcelain after I flush, and if there's a toilet brush on hand, I give it a quick cleaning and a second flush. But not if things look clean otherwise," someone wrote.

Another commenter had an even more advanced idea: "You can also float a strip of toilet paper on top of the water before you poo. Gets wrapped in paper as you drop off your delivery and less likely to leave skid marks in the bowl."

Of course, commenters in threads all over the Internet sing the praises of Poo-Pourri, or even carrying a lighter with you at all times to burn up some of the stinky oxygen. And how's this for a pro-level tip?

"Tip for the courtesy flush.. if one who finds it hard to poop in a public bathroom because you don’t want people to hear you. Flush just right before you push and the sound of the water will cover the sound of gas etc and it will go right down with the water so very minimal smell."

I mean, all you can do really is clap at the social-anxiety-fueled ingenuity on display. The experts seem to agree here. Even Healthlinerecommends carrying air purifier spray, lining the inside of the bowl with toilet paper to absorb sound, and flushing several times to reduce anxiety worries.

The general consensus is that, when pooping at someone's house, basic etiquette applies. Clean up after yourself to a normal degree, but remember, as the saying goes: Everybody poops.

Some people are really protective over the bathrooms in their homes, which is their right. But if that's the case, they really shouldn't be having guests over and expecting them not to partake in normal human biological behaviors.

Some of the advanced tips shared by anxious-pooers might help, but try not to send yourself into a tailspin trying to cover your tracks. In extreme cases of bathroom anxiety, experts say cognitive behavior therapy or even antidepressants may be needed. But the rest of us might just need to read that world famous children's book again.

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Animals & Wildlife

A crow had to solve a 9-puzzle escape room to get some chicken nuggets. Watch her ace it.

It's no secret that crows are smart, but this is incredible to witness.

Photo credit: Canva

Crows are so smart it's almost hard to believe.

When you think of some of the smartest animals on Earth, you may think of dolphins, chimps, elephants, or even the surprisingly intelligent octopus. But do you think of crows?

We've learned a lot about crow intelligence since scientists ramped up research on corvids in the 1990s and 2000s, and we're still discovering things crows can do that people didn't think were possible. Some reports estimate that crows have the approximate reasoning and memory skills of a 7-year-old human, which is pretty darn impressive-sounding. But to watch that intelligence on display is truly mind-blowing.

crow, intelligence, stacking rings, toy, learning, corvids Crow GIFGiphy

Mark Rober, famous for his videos detailing elaborate experiments and breaking them down so that kids can understand them, found himself in a feud with a bird after his doorbell camera captured a neighborhood crow repeatedly stealing his DoorDash deliveries. In fact, the crow was so adept at scoping out his porch, recognizing when a delivery person was there, and grabbing his chicken nuggets as soon as the coast was clear that Rober felt like he was being targeted. After the crow knocked over his drink one day for no reason and then flew away cackling, Rober said he felt like the crow was bullying him.

Wanting to see exactly how smart these birds really are, Rober decided to dig in with his own experiment. He procured a rescued crow named Cheryl from a bird sanctuary and began setting up small tasks and puzzles to observe her behavior for a few months.

crows, crow behavior, tasks, intelligence, smart animals crows GIFGiphy

"It was really interesting to see how her curiosity would drive her to figure out clever ways to interact with objects in her environment, occasionally motivated by a strategically placed treat," said Rober. "It became clear she had a few favorite objects she loved to play with, [such as a] wooden ball, as she demonstrated a surprisingly deep understanding of cause and effect."

Rober then set up a 9-puzzle gauntlet for the crow to complete in order to get a reward—the coveted "nugs" that the neighborhood crow had been so keen on. But first, he had a group of kids complete the puzzles to demonstrate the difficulty level of them and what kind of reasoning or understanding they required.

From water displacement to facial recognition to cup stacking to tool creation, watching kids complete these puzzles and then watching a crow do it—sometimes better or faster than the children—is really something.

Cheryl's run through the escape room-style gauntlet begins at the 12:45 mark, but the whole thing is worth watching:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The fact that the first puzzle required some understanding of physics made it a seemingly difficult place to start, but Cheryl figured out the first solution faster than the kids did. Several of the puzzles relied on activities Cheryl had previously engaged in in her enclosure, but that doesn't really diminish the impressiveness of what she figured out. Realizing that she needed a hook to get the little bucket out of the cylinder and then using her claws and beak to create one? Are you kidding? And the fact that see seemed to leave a dunked chicken nugget as a gift for Rober when all was said and done? Incredible.

People were blown away watching Cheryl solve the puzzles in sequence, and some commenters even shared experiences they've had with crows.

"My dad ended up getting trained by the neighborhood crows to do tricks for them... One day he noticed the crows throwing walnuts to the ground, clearly trying to break them but without much success, so he picked up the walnuts, stomped on them until they broke, and put them on the sidewalk for the crows. He did that a few more times on separate occasions, and the next thing he knew, the crows were waiting for him just to drop walnuts straight under his feet when he was passing by. They'd call him to get his attention if he didn't notice them. They trained him very well indeed... :)"

crow, corvid, crow intelligence, birds, mark rober Crows are some of the most intelligent birds on Earth.Photo credit: Canva

"You mentioned the crows throwing nuts in front of cars to open them. I have seen a fun variation on this. When I was a royal guard, and walking guarding outside a particular castle, the crows had noticed that we walked very particular routes, so particular that you can actually see the routes as the stones are more worn there. We had steel under our boots to make sound, and they would throw their nuts on my route, using me as they do cars to open their nuts."

"I got goosebumps this was such a cool video! I have been cultivating my girlfriend relationship with my neighborhood crows now for the last 3 years. They leave me presents, they come by all the time to say hello, and follow me on my walks. One of my neighbors lovingly called me birdman yesterday, and I couldn't help but smile. Thank you for this, Mr. Rober."

"You brought up crows doing things for fun. I used to live over in West Hollywood and would head up Runyan Canyon for exercise. The crows used to love diving down the side of the canyon and then doing barrel rolls once they hit top speed. They are some of the most imaginative creatures for their size and intelligence."

Seriously, crows are incredible. Just don't get on their bad side, apparently. They'll recognize you and torment you just for the fun of it.

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Joy

A writer shared how he alters song lyrics to make chores fun. Scores of people chimed in.

It's impossible NOT sing along to people's delightful alternative lyrics.

Photo credit: Canva

Good luck not singing this every time you do laundry now.

Music is such an ubiquitous part of our lives that we often don't notice how frequently it enters our consciousness. (All the more reason to support arts education and pay working musicians what they're worth, but that's a whole other article.) One perfect example of the big role music plays is how often we sing to ourselves, sometimes in the most delightful and hilarious ways.

Writer Jonathan Edward Durham shared that he sings "La-un-dry" to the tune of The Cranberries' "Zombie" every time he does the wash, and that admission launched a chorus of people sharing how they, too, sing to themselves with altered song lyrics to make chores or mundane life tasks more interesting or fun.

Try to read through these "silly little song" responses and NOT sing along.

"When I take my dogs outside, sometimes I sing 'Come on doggies, let's go potty' to the tune of 'Barbie Girl.'" – Lindsay

"I sing 'I've got to shower' to the tune of the 90s Snap song '(I've Got) the Power.'" – Tracy

"'Simply haaaving a wonderful breakfast time' to my dog as I get his breakfast ready." – Candice

"When making mojitos (or similar non-alcoholic lime-based beverages), I like to sing, 'Macerate good limes, come on.'" – Marion

squeezing limes, mojitos, drinks, making drinks, fun songs, singing Sung to the tune of "Celebrate."Photo credit: Canva

"As I drive past a delivery driver standing on the pavement, I sing 'Stand. By. Your vaaaaan…'" – Lara

"Coffee coffee, you're the one. You make morning somewhat fun. (Sung to rubber ducky tune.)" – Charell

"I sing 'Med-i-cate the dog' to the tune of 'Celebrate' twice a day when…medicating the dog. There are verses. It's a work of genius." – Anna

"Instead of 'Rock the Casbah' I sing 'Sift the Catbox.'" – Heather

"C is for coffee, that's good enough for me. Coffee coffee coffee starts with C." – Judy

"My laundry song is to the tune of All of Me…'Laaauuuundery, I'll laaauunder you…then I'll take you to the dryer, like a warm and cozy fire.'" – Ruthie

laundry, washer, dryer, fun songs, singing Sung to the tune of "All of Me" by John Legend.Photo credit: Canva

"1) Every time I put on sweatpants, I sing 'Sweat-Pants' like David Bowie sings, 'Let's Dance.' 2) When my cat Jasper has climbed up somewhere I don't want him to be, I sing, 'Get down, get down, get down, get down, get down' from the end of KC and the Sunshine Band's 'Get Down Tonight.'" – Jen

There were more. People on Instagram chimed in with even more examples, and it's apparently something so may of us do it's nearly universal, but most of us do these things when we're alone, so who knew?

"When my kids were little and I was giving them baths, I would sing 'Everybody (yeah), Wash you body (yeah), Everybody, Wash your body right, Bath time's back alright!' to Backstreet Boys' 'Everybody.' My daughter thought I made up the song and was shocked when she heard the real version on the radio one day not too long ago."

"'Pruning my hydrangea' to the tune of Losing my Religion."

hydrangea, gardening, pruning, R.E.M., fun songs Sung to the tune of "Losing My Religion" by REM.Photo credit: Canva

"Every time I realize I have forgotten to drink water, I always (mostly in my head) sing 'Why’d you have to go and make me so de-hy-drated?' like Avril Lavigne’s 'Complicated.'"

"I sing 'I have to go pee-ee' to Queen’s I Want to Break Free."

"When I have to go to the bathroom but I have to wait until I finish doing whatever I'm doing or for someone to get out of the bathroom, I sing 'I'm about to pee my pants, up in here, up in HERE' like DMX."

"Anything that has the right syllables to the Muppets Manamana. 'Banana bread... doot do de do do.'"

"Every time I say 'Pasadena' I have to stop myself from singing, 'Passss A Den Yaaaa' like I'm in The Lion King. Often, I am not successful."

In all seriousness, though, making up song lyrics to make boring tasks more fun or simply to add a little humor to your day is a super solid coping mechanism. Life isn't easy. Finding ways to eke more joy out of life, even in small ways, can add up to big shifts in our well-being.

Humans are delightfully quirky, especially when no one's looking. We need to share these things more with one another so we know we're not alone in our silly little sing-songy habits.

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We have a small favor to ask of you

Military life has its ups and downs. Here's how families cope with it.

When Meredith Lozar's daughter was just 3 and a half years old, her husband, Nick, came home from a tour of combat in Afghanistan.

With the Fourth of July approaching, there's never been a better time to learn more about military families and their experiences.That's why we've created this list of 17 things military families want you to know about them.

1. Reunions aren't always picture perfect.

2. Many families find ways to help their kids stay connected even while military members are away.

3. Finally coming back home can be an adjustment.

4. Of course, being reunited isn't the end of the story.

5. Deployment isn't like any normal long distance relationship, either.

6. Spouses trying to overcome that distance have to find ways to cope, which can mean getting a little creative.

7. All this time alone though means that some military families can start to feel isolated.

8. This isolation isn't helped by the fact that they have to move a lot.

9. But that's just one of many sacrifices military kids make.

10. Spouses make their own sacrifices too, including professional ones.

11. Unfortunately military spouses can have a tough time getting hired.

12. However, securing reliable childcare can be a challenge.

13. Housing can be tricky, but it's not all bad.

14. There are a lot of misconceptions about their families — and the stereotypes hurt.

15. And that's why, even with support from other military families, veterans need their civilian communities more than ever.

16. Thankfully, that connection is something any one of us could offer.

17. Even with these sacrifices, it doesn't mean that military families regret their decision.

Though meant in good fun, these 'icks' contain some helpful pointers.

Ick #1 - Trusting a breeder's opinion over a vet’s

Ick # 2 - Doing the opposite of what the vet says they would do

Ick # 3 - Not accommodating a dog that needs lots of activity

Ick #4 - Buying a pet after doing zero research on the specific needs of the breed

Ick #5 - Complaining about wait times at the ER

Ick #6 - Retractable leashes

Every generation has its pros and cons.

Is the courtesy flush polite or a waste of water?

However, some commenters were extremely pro-courtesy flush.

The courtesy flush, however, was only the beginning of the OPSEC tips for pooping in public.

The general consensus is that, when pooping at someone's house, basic etiquette applies. Clean up after yourself to a normal degree, but remember, as the saying goes: Everybody poops.

It's no secret that crows are smart, but this is incredible to witness.

It's impossible NOT sing along to people's delightful alternative lyrics.