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Family

Kristen Bell's 'honest parenting approach' could help other parents.

Parents sometimes withhold honest information to protect their kids, but that may not be the best approach.

Kristen Bell; parenting; open communication; hard topics; honest conversations

Kristen Bell's honest parenting approach could help other parents.

Let's be honest here for a minute.

There are tough conversations that are just plain ol' uncomfortable for parents to have with their children. Some parents would rather deflect difficult questions or give a very made-up, childlike answer. For example, a parent might tell a child babies come from storks or they give them out at the hospital, just to avoid the topic of sex.

The thought is usually that the child is too young to know actual information about the difficult topic, so in a fit of panic, the parent makes something up. But as a licensed therapist with a degree in child development, I can tell you kids typically only ask questions they're ready to hear the answer to. In fact, they're really good at letting you know when you over-explain because they'll either change the subject or become obviously disinterested.

Actress Kristen Bell made headlines recently for her approach to discussing difficult topics with her children. She's honest with her kids, even about their father's addiction and recovery. Bell appeared in the magazine Real Simple and explained that there's nothing off the table to discuss with her two daughters, Delta, 8, and Lincoln, 9 1/2.


"I know it's shocking, but I talk to my kids about drugs, and the fact that their daddy is an addict and he's in recovery, and we talk about sex," she says. "There are all these 'hard topics' that don't have to be if you give the person on the other end your vulnerability and a little bit of credit," Bell told Real Simple. Being completely honest with children can be shocking to some parents, Bell noted in the interview.

Certainly, complete honesty comes with the caveat of delivering the information in an age-appropriate and developmentally appropriate way. But why do parents shy away from honesty when it comes to talking to kids about hard topics? Well, in my experience, it's often because it makes the parent uncomfortable or they're so worried about getting it wrong that they put off answering, thus creating anxiety-inducing anticipation.

Parents don't want to accidentally mess up their kids and they also don't want to expose them to things they don't think they're ready for. And sometimes things pop up unexpectedly that parents simply don't have a choice about when it comes to having hard conversations.

"There are many things that children don't yet understand, and exposing them to complex topics early on can help both their emotional and intellectual development," Alicia Robins from the Institute for Childhood Preparedness wrote. Being truthful also helps encourage children to be open and honest in return because there's been a reciprocal exchange of information and feelings from an early age.

A 2022 study of Indigenous families found that being honest with children created more resilience, quality relationships and overall life satisfaction. But when looking at parents who practiced less open communication, including lying, children were less likely to be resilient and had an increased risk of trauma symptoms in adolescence.

While experts aren't saying you should tell your children all the nitty gritty details of topics, they are saying that age-appropriate honesty is best, even when the topics are hard.

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New study shows spanking hurts kids' mental health and is less effective at teaching lessons

Why is it wrong to hit an adult or an animal but OK to spank a child?

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Yet another study shows that spanking isn't good for kids.

Whether to spank your child or not is one of the oldest debates among parents. Many live by the age-old wisdom that to “spare the rod” is to “spoil the child,” while others believe it’s wrong to resort to violence to punish a child when so many alternatives exist.

It also begs the question: If it's wrong to hit your spouse or pet, why is it acceptable to hit a defenseless child?

The 2021 American Family Study found that support for spanking has declined in the U.S. over the past few years. In 2015, 54% either somewhat or strongly agreed with the practice, but that number dropped to 47% in 2021. Thirty-five percent of respondents disagree with the practice and 18% neither agree nor disagree.

A new research study from the Parent and Family Research Alliance in Australia led by Professor Sophie Havighurst and Professor Daryl Higgins from Australian Catholic University makes a strong case that people should stop using corporal punishment to discipline their kids. The study “Corporal punishment of children in Australia: The evidence-based case for legislative reform” analyzed countless studies on the topic and found spanking ineffective and harmful.

The study was published to urge lawmakers to make corporal punishment in Australia illegal. Sixty-five states across the world have made corporal punishment illegal, protecting 14% of the world’s children.

The study defined corporal punishment of children as using physical force to cause pain, but not injury, to correct or control a child’s behavior.

The most startling meta-analysis published in the study found that "only 1 out of 111 statistically significant effect sizes was associated with a link between 'spanking' and a positive child outcome," while 110 were found to be associated with adverse outcomes.

The one positive outcome was in a 1972 study of children of the U.S. military living in West Germany that found those spanked showed less amphetamine and opiate use as adults.

However, the remaining 110 significant results found that spanking had adverse effects, including: “reducing trust and connection with those they are closest to, lower self-esteem, more internalizing and externalizing behavior problems including aggression, mental health difficulties, and increased risk for later substance abuse, antisocial behavior, and violence.”

A meta-analysis found that when children are spanked, they are less likely to internalize the moral implications of the behaviors that led them to be disciplined. It also found that non-physical discipline was more effective at teaching “alternative behaviors,” “developing a child’s conscience,” and advancing their “emotional development.”

Another meta-analysis cited in the story found that corporal punishment in childhood was associated with mental health problems, low self-esteem and antisocial behavior.

In the end, the studies show that corporal punishment is counter-productive when it comes to raising healthy, happy children. But it will take much more than a study to get people to reconsider their views of corporal punishment because they are deeply rooted in many cultural traditions.

Looking for some non-physical alternatives to discipline your child? Here’s a great place to start from WebMD.

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