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Have You Ever Felt Ashamed? You Should Definitely See This.
Saying, “shame on you” is such a common phrase that I never would have imagined it could be so destructive. Dr. Brené Brown, a vulnerability researcher, explains why.
12.20.12
Saying "I love you!" by accident is one of life's most cringe moments.
For many of us, telling our friends and family that we love them is second nature. Every time someone leaves the house, "Love you!" Before bed at night, "Love you!" Getting off a call with them, "Love you!"
That's all well and good until that sweetly ingrained habit spills over into your work life. Especially when you're talking to an important client, where the boundaries of professional conduct are particularly important to uphold. (Do you feel the cringe coming?)
I Love You Elf GIF by MOODMANGiphy
A woman shared an oh-so-human story about absent-mindedly telling a client she loved him, and his thoughtful response has people cheering.
"Accidentally said 'Love you!' at the end of a call with an important client yesterday," wrote a Reddit user. "I heard him giggle as I hung up, and I was mortified. Today, I saw he emailed me this:"
from MadeMeSmile
The email began, "Hey—Just wanted to say that I didn't mean to laugh at you when you accidentally signed off on our call with a 'love you.' I just found it funny because I've definitely done that before, and I know it happens."
Okay, phew, he understood that the laughing was mortifying and he wasn't bothered by the "love you." But then he added the absolute best thing he could have said about the situation:
"I'm glad you have enough love in your life that that response comes naturally. If anything, you should be proud of that. :)"
Then he mercifully resumed their professional conversation. "Have a great weekend! We'll follow up about my call with Chris on Wednesday, as discussed."
"Love you!" Oops.Photo credit: Canva
He didn't just ignore the elephant in the room and let it hang over her like an awkward cloud. He put her at ease, letting her know he's done it before and it happens and is no big deal. But then he took it a step further, adding a deeper human layer to the moment by acknowledging the fact that the words flowing so automatically and easily for her meant she was surrounded by love.
The client's emotional intelligence and thoughtful response warmed people's hearts.
"What a great and respectful response. He is completely right, it’s such a beautiful thing to have that much love in your life that it comes out naturally."
"You work with good people."
"Honestly, this made my day 😂 It's so wholesome how they responded. Shows that a little kindness (even accidental) always leaves a good impression!"
"Such a classy response. Made you feel at ease while staying professional and moving the conversation forward."
"Green flags from that client."
Green Flag GIF by The Last Talk ShowGiphy
People also shared their own similar experiences with blurting out accidental "love you"s and it was a veritable love-fest:
"I told my supervisor I loved her at the end of our weekly touch point call - she chuckled and said she loved me too. We shared a good laugh. I am happy to see empathy from a random human, it is much needed."
"I said 'love you' to my new boss at labcorp when she called me to tell me I passed my drug test. Same thing, hanging up, not thinking, she gave me my results and my start date to come in for orientation and I ended the call with 'bye love you!'"
"Back in the day I straight up called one of my bosses mom. It was so embarrassing I almost died."
"A surprising number of people have done this at least once. Happens when you’re distracted and tired. My ex husband (a prosecutor) accidentally ended a phone call with 'I love you' when talking to a rural county sheriff in the middle of the night."
Embarrassed Hide GIF by florGiphy
"I had a coworker say 'love you,' just as we were about to hang up. There was an awkward pause, clearly neither of us had hung up, then he added, 'Don’t tell my wife.' We both laughed and finally disconnected."
"I did that with my ex husband last Thursday, we both burst out laughing lol. Happily we get along great and he and his fiancée are attending my wedding next week."
"Was on phone with my boss right after he had called his wife. He ended the call with "love you." Had so much fun telling him that while I cared for him, I didn't think it was love."
Embarrassing moments don't have to ruin your day—in fact, when handled like this client, they can turn into beautiful moments of human connection. This kind of relatability, empathy, and emotional intelligence makes us all feel better about our shared humanity, oopsies and all.
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Dr. Michael Plant developed a checklist for wellbeing.
Whether you’re stuck in a slump or having trouble finding motivation at work, when melancholy strikes, there’s nothing in the world that more appealing than lying in bed for hours. But what if there were a simple tool, like a checklist, that could help pinpoint the reason you’re feeling so glum?
Meet Michael Plant, a 36-year-old global happiness researcher at the Happier Lives Institute, a unique nonprofit that “connects people and organizations together to fund happiness and improve wellbeing around the world.” He’s also a postdoctoral research fellow at Oxford University’s Wellbeing Research Centre, which is responsible for publishing the world’s foremost annual publication on wellbeing, the World Happiness Report. To put it plainly, the man knows how to feel good.
During an interview with CNBC, Plant shared his wisdom: “I have this mental checklist I run through that I write down. So if I’m in a bad mood, I check it,” he explained.
“Have I eaten something? Have I left the house? Have I spoken to someone? And have I exercised? Once I’ve run through those four, if I’m not feeling better, then it’s quite serious.”
Could finding joy really be that simple? The beauty of his checklist lies in its simplicity: by addressing the basic physical and social needs of our bodies first, we might be able to bypass the rushed, hasty conclusions that almost always lead to nowhere. Let’s breakdown each question and why they’re so essential to overall wellbeing.
Question #1: Have I eaten something?
Eating the right foods is crucial for mental health.
media3.giphy.com
Our bodies need fuel. A statement that may feel as obvious as “the sky is blue,” but hunger has an enormous impact on our moods and cognitive function. There’s even an entire discipline dedicated to researching the link between what we eat and mood disorders, like depression and anxiety, called “nutritional psychiatry."
In a study published in the Journal of the Missouri State Medical Association, researchers found that several nutritional deficiencies, such as vitamin B12, B9, and zinc, can cause depression and dementia-like symptoms, including low mood, fatigue, cognitive decline, and irritability.
“Like an expensive car, your brain functions best when it gets only premium fuel. Eating high-quality foods that contain lots of vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants nourishes the brain and protects it from oxidative stress... which can damage cells.”
- Dr. Eva Selhub for Harvard Health.
Luckily, you don’t need to seek out expensive supplements or fancy treatments to get back on track.
Vitamin B9, also known as folate or folic acid, naturally occurs in “super” foods like dark leafy greens (kale, spinach, collard greens), legumes (lentils and beans), and nuts and seeds, Similar to B9, zinc-rich foods include shellfish, eggs, red meat, and dairy products.
For an extra bump in Vitamin B12, look to animal products like red meat, chicken, milk, eggs, dairy, and fish. Vegans, however, must be extra vigilant: Stephen Walsh, a Vegan Society Trustee, warns that to avoid deficiencies, vegans must eat fortified foods found in select plant milks and breakfast cereal or take supplements.
Legumes, like beans and lentils, are super foods and chockful of Vitamin B9.
Photo credit: Canva
Question #2: Have I left the house?
Exposure to the outdoors is central to Plant’s daily routine. And for good reason: a groundbreaking study published in Scientific Reports indicated that a growing number of epidemiologists are encouraging people to embrace natural environments (think beaches, parks, and woods) on a more regular basis, due to their massive health benefits.
The same study found that spending at least 120 minutes per week in natural environments–just two hours!–significantly lowered cortisol levels, blood pressure, and mental fatigue, while also improving overall mood and cognitive performance: a true win/win.
Spending time in nature for at least two hours a week is great for overall wellbeing. media4.giphy.com
If you, like many others, struggle with getting outside enough, start small. Try eating lunch outside, or take a phone call while walking around the neighborhood. Every moment counts, and even a short five-minute stroll outside could help elevate your mood and reduce stress.
There's an innate need for human connection.media0.giphy.com
Question #3: Have I spoken with someone?
Plant’s third question on his mental checklist recognizes the innate, human need for social connection. In the longest-running study on happiness to date, over 700 people from across the world allowed scientists to monitor and examine their lives and health records for 85 years. It was the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and researchers found that the key to living a long, happy, and healthy life is lies in nurturing your relationships: spouses, family members, friends, and even your acquaintances.
"The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health. Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is the revelation.” - Dr. Waldinger, the psychiatrist who directed the Harvard study.
Plant echoes this, recommending: “Branch out: Do you have weaker ties with people who you see every now and then, who make you feel like part of a community? You have to actively work to form social bonds.”
Question #4: And have I exercised?
Why is Plant’s final question about exercise? It’s because the link between your physical health and mental health are inextricably tied. If one falters, so does the other.
Research on the relationship between exercise and depression found that regular physical activity “releases endorphins, boosts neurotransmitters (serotonin, dopamine), and can match the efficacy of psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy for mild-to-moderate depression.”
Even a simple hike, no matter what the pace, is effective when combatting feeling bad. Photo credit: Canva
That doesn’t mean you have to be Michael Phelps or do Olympic-level training just to feel good. A slow-paced hike on your favorite trail is just as effective as training for a triathlon when it comes to mental wellbeing.
Even just 11 minutes of moderate exercise per day can change your life: it reduces all-cause mortality (death in general) by 23% and lowers the risk of cancer by 7%.
Feel like an impossible task? Try incorporating a few low-effort strategies into your daily life:
- Taking the stairs when possible
- Intentionally park further away, or get off the train or bus a stop early
- Walk during your lunch break
- Use a step tracker to stay aware, either with an app or a physical pedometer, like this vintage digital one that fits in your pocket.
Tracking your steps can help motivate you and keep you motivated. media0.giphy.com
Dr. Michael Plant’s four-part checklist may be simple, but aren’t many of the best things in life? This useful blueprint maximizes daily happiness—and quells any fears that something might be seriously wrong with us.
"I don’t think that’s reasonable," he says at the end of the interview regarding “good vibes only” culture. “We should try for good vibes, mostly.” Straightforward and practical, the next time you’re feeling out of control, consider Dr. Plant’s sage four-question checklist.
Van Gogh's Starry Night, 1889.
Vincent van Gogh never got to enjoy his own historic success as an artist (even though we've been able to imagine what that moment might have looked like). Van Gogh died in 1890 at the age of 37 in Auvers-sur-Oise, France after shooting himself in the chest with a revolver. It was a tragic end to a turbulent life marked by mental instability and severe self-doubt.
According to the Van Gogh Museum, in a letter to his brother Theo in 1890, just a couple of weeks before his death, Van Gogh wrote, "...my life, is attacked at the very root, my step also is faltering." The man was struggling and exhausted. The high standards he had set for himself and his art were taking a toll. He was unsure about his future and, up to this point, had not received much recognition for his work and thought himself a failure "as a man and as an artist."
His most well-known work, Starry Night, was famously painted while Van Gogh was staying in an asylum in France 1889 after he mutilated his ear during a psychotic episode. According to the Van Gogh Museum, though, this may not be the full story. While it is widely agreed that Van Gogh did in fact cut off his own ear, the museum notes that it was because of a fight between Van Gogh and Paul Gaugin, the artist he had been working for in Aries, that led to the violent explosion that highlighted his deteriorating mental state.
Vincent Van Gogh's Self-Portrait, 1889Image via Canva.
As one of the best known and most studied artists of the 19th century, Van Gogh's madness and how it influenced his work is not new information. But it turns out that those of us who have appreciated his work have been missing out on some critical details for more than 100 years—revealed in the 2010s thanks to the Hubble Space Telescope.
A video at the bottom of the page will explain everything, but before we get there, let's do some backstory:
We known Van Gogh was an artist—and a genius artist at that—but, it turns out, he was also scientist. Kind of.
Whether intentionally or not, fresh eyes have found that Van Gogh's art—aside from being breathtaking—also captures one of science and nature's most elusive concepts: Turbulence.
The concept of turbulence is hard to understand with math, but it turns out art makes it fairly easy to comprehend through depiction. So, what is turbulence?
According to Britannica, turbulence, or turbulent flow, is a concept of fluid dynamics in which a type of fluid flow (liquid or gas like air or water or air) undergoes an irregular fluctuation or energy cascade. In other words, the air or water swirls and eddies as it moves: big eddies make smaller eddies, and those make even smaller ones, and so on. Common examples of turbulent flow include blood flow in arteries, lava flow, atmosphere and ocean currents, and the flow in boat wakes or surrounding the tips of aircraft wings.
It looks like this:
Turbulent flow illustrated and animated.All Van Gogh GIFs via TED-Ed.
The thing is, scientists only started figuring this out pretty recently.
Animation of art referencing science.All Van Gogh GIFs via TED-Ed.
And yet, there was Mr. Vincent van Gogh, 100 years earlier in his asylum with a mutilated ear and able to accurately capture this turbulent flow in what would become his most famous work, Starry Night.
Animated Starry NightAll Van Gogh GIFs via TED-Ed.
The folks who noticed Van Gogh's ability to capture turbulence checked to see whether other artists did the same. Most of the Impressionists achieved "luminance" with their art—a striking and lifelike depiction of light's effect on color. While impressive, they did not capture or depict turbulence the way Van Gogh did.
An animated depiction of The Scream.All Van Gogh GIFs via TED-Ed.
Not even Edvard Munch's The Scream, with it's swirling color and movement, could recreate what Van Gogh had accomplished.
Even in his darkest time, Van Gogh was able to capture—with eerie accuracy—one of nature's most complex and confusing concepts 100 years before scientists had the technology to do so.
Who would have thought that the beauty Van Gogh captured was foreshadowing what scientists would observe in the real, natural world in a century's time? To learn even more, watch the TED-Ed video below:
- YouTubeyoutu.be
This article originally appeared twelve years ago. It has been updated.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."