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Harvard psychologists have been studying what it takes to raise 'good' kids. Here are 6 tips.

Help unlock your child's best self with a few tried-and-true strategies.

raise good kids, harvard parenting study, moral kids

Kids playing baseball with a slide into second.

A lot of parents are tired of being told how technology is screwing up their kids. Moms and dads of the digital age are well aware of the growing competition for their children's attention, and they're bombarded at each turn of the page or click of the mouse with both cutting-edge ideas and newfound worries for raising great kids.

But beneath the madness of modernity, the basics of raising a moral child haven't really changed. Parents want their kids to achieve their goals and find happiness, but Harvard researchers believe that doesn't have to come at the expense of kindness and empathy. They say a few tried-and-true strategies remain the best ways to mold your kids into the morally upstanding and goals-oriented humans you want them to be.

kids, toddlers, pacifiers, parenting

Entertaining the toddlers.

Cartoon by Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

Here are six practical tips:

1) Hang out with your kids.

parenting advice, healthy habits, teachable moments

Cleaning the hands.

Image by Cade Martin/Public Domain Images.

This is, like, the foundation of it all. Spend regular time with your kids, ask them open-ended questions about themselves, about the world and how they see it, and actively listen to their responses. Not only will you learn all sorts of things that make your child unique, you'll also be demonstrating to them how to show care and concern for another person.

2) If it matters, say it out loud.

teamwork, educational games, Harvard

Teamwork in process.

Image by Steven Bennett/Wikimedia Commons.

According to the researchers, "Even though most parents and caretakers say that their children being caring is a top priority, often children aren't hearing that message." So be sure to say it with them. And so they know it's something they need to keep up with, check in with teachers, coaches, and others who work with your kids on how they're doing with teamwork, collaboration, and being a generally nice person.

3) Show your child how to "work it out."

sports and exercise, team exercise, building confidence

Playing soccer.

Image by susieq3c/Flickr.

Walk them through decision-making processes that take into consideration people who could be affected. For example, if your child wants to quit a sport or other activity, encourage them to identify the source of the problem and consider their commitment to the team. Then help them figure out if quitting does, in fact, fix the problem.

4) Make helpfulness and gratitude routine.

problem solving, gratitude, healthy

Ingenuity for cleaning up.

Image by David D/Flickr.

The researchers write, "Studies show that people who engage in the habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving — and they're also more likely to be happy and healthy." So it's good for parents to hold the line on chores, asking kids to help their siblings, and giving thanks throughout the day. And when it comes to rewarding "good" behavior, the researchers recommend that parents "only praise uncommon acts of kindness."

5) Check your child's destructive emotions.

negative feelings, emotional intelligence, honesty, understanding

An automatic save.

Image by Thomas Ricker/Flickr.

"The ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings," say the researchers. Helping kids name and process those emotions, then guiding them toward safe conflict resolution, will go a long way toward keeping them focused on being a caring individual. It's also important to set clear and reasonable boundaries that they'll understand are out of love and concern for their safety.

6) Show your kids the bigger picture.

empathy, families, researchers

A reflective moment by the ocean.

Image by debowcyfoto/Pixabay.

"Almost all children empathize with and care about a small circle of families and friends," say the researchers. The trick is getting them to care about people who are socially, culturally, and even geographically outside their circles. You can do this by coaching them to be good listeners, by encouraging them to put themselves in other people's shoes, and by practicing empathy using teachable moments in news and entertainment.

The study concludes with a short pep talk for all the parents out there:

"Raising a caring, respectful, ethical child is and always has been hard work. But it's something all of us can do. And no work is more important or ultimately more rewarding."


This article originally appeared ten years ago.

Pop Culture

'Wicked' author says one line in 'The Wizard of Oz' inspired Elphaba and Glinda's backstory

Gregory Maguire says he "fell down to the ground" laughing when the idea hit him.

Public domain

The two witches in "The Wizard of Oz" clearly had a history together.

Have you ever watched a movie or read a book or listened to a piece of music and wondered, "How did they come up with that idea?" The creative process is so enigmatic even artists themselves don't always know where their ideas come from, so It's a treat when we get to hear the genesis of a brilliant idea straight from the horse's mouth. If you've watched "Wicked" and wondered where the idea for the friendship between Elphaba (the Wicked Witch) and Glinda (the Good Witch) came from, the author of the book has shared the precise moment it came to him.

The hit movie "Wicked" is based on the 20-year-old hit stage musical, which is based on the novel "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West" written by Gregory Maguire. While the musical is a simplified version of the 1995 book, the basic storyline—the origin story of the two witches from "The Wizard of Oz"—lies at the heart of both. In an interview with BBC, Maguire explained how Elphaba and Glinda's friendship popped into his head.

 

Maguire was visiting Beatrix Potter's farm in Cumbria, England, and thinking about "The Wizard of Oz," which he had loved as a child and thought could be an interesting basis for a story about evil.

"I thought 'alright, what do we know about 'The Wizard of Oz' from our memories,'" he said. "We have the house falling on the witch. What do we know about that witch? All we know about that witch is that she has feet. So I began to think about Glinda and the Wicked Witch of the West…

 glinda, elphaba, wicked,  In "Wicked," the two Oz witches met as students at Shiz University.  Giphy GIF by Wicked 

"There is one scene in the 1939 film where Billie Burke [Glinda the Good Witch] comes down looking all pink and fluffy, and Margaret Hamilton [the Wicked Witch of the West] is all crawed and crabbed and she says something like, 'I might have known you'd be behind this, Glinda!' This was my memory, and I thought, now why is she using Glinda's first name? They have known each other. Maybe they've known each other for a long time. Maybe they went to college together. And I fell down onto the ground in the Lake District laughing at the thought that they had gone to college together."

In "Wicked," Glinda and the Wicked Witch, Elphaba, meet as students at Shiz University, a school of wizardry. They get placed as roommates, loathe each other at first, but eventually become best friends. The story grows a lot more complicated from there (and the novel goes darker than the stage play), but it's the character development of the two witches and their relationship with one another that force us to examine our ideas about good and evil.

  - YouTube  youtu.be  

 

Maguire also shared with the Denver Center for Performing Arts what had inspired him to use the "Wizard of Oz" characters in the first place.

"I was living in London in the early 1990’s during the start of the Gulf War. I was interested to see how my own blood temperature chilled at reading a headline in the usually cautious British newspaper, the Times of London: 'Sadaam Hussein: The New Hitler?' I caught myself ready to have a fully formed political opinion about the Gulf War and the necessity of action against Sadaam Hussein on the basis of how that headline made me feel. The use of the word Hitler – what a word! What it evokes! When a few months later several young schoolboys kidnapped and killed a toddler, the British press paid much attention to the nature of the crime. I became interested in the nature of evil, and whether one really could be born bad. I considered briefly writing a novel about Hitler but discarded the notion due to my general discomfort with the reality of those times. But when I realized that nobody had ever written about the second most evil character in our collective American subconscious, the Wicked Witch of the West, I thought I had experienced a small moment of inspiration. Everybody in America knows who the Wicked Witch of the West is, but nobody really knows anything about her. There is more to her than meets the eye."

 wizard of oz, wicked witch of the west The Wicked Witch of the West has a story of her own.  Giphy  

Authors and artists—and their ideas—help hold a mirror up to humanity for us to see and reflect on who we are, and "Wicked" is one of those stories that makes us take a hard look at what we're seeing in that mirror. Thanks, Gregory Maguire, for launching us on a collective journey that not only entertains but has the potential to change how we see one another.

This story originally appeared last year.

Who doesn't wanna stay at Camp OmaPapa?!

In a sea of unsavory stories featuring toxic, uninvolved grandparents out there on the interwebs, stories like this feel all the more uplifting and wholesome.

Enter Paula, or “Oma,” as she’s affectionately known as by her grandkids. In a clip posted to TikTok, we learn that she and her husband, “Papa”, not only agreed to watch the grandchildren—aged 5, 4 and 2— for nine days while their adult children celebrated their anniversary, they fill the stay with fun activities in a project they aptly named “Camp OmaPapa.”

Seriously, no stone was left unturned while dreaming up this next-level camp. To stoke some excitement, Paula had mailed the kiddos an official invitation to Camp Oma Papa, telling them what to bring and what type of activities to look forward to.


The carefully curated list of activities (ice cream on Sunday, zoo on Wednesday, scooter ride on Monday, etc.) lived on one wall, while another hall had a single blue frame out of painter’s tape that would feature that day’s schedule—providing a perfect balance of structure and free play that all kids need, even in the summertime.

They even created official Camp OmaPapa shirts for their little campers, along with a ”Welcome to Camp OmaPapa” ushering them in. How cute is that?! Talk about going all out.

Needless to say, viewers were impressed…if not a little jealous.

“They don’t make grandparents like this anymore, ” noted one person

“As a mom with no village this is amazing, our kids and grandkids are lucky to have you,” lamented another.

Still a third wrote, “My parents have never even taken my kids out for an ice cream cone. This is so awesome.”

In a response to the aforementioned comment, Paula reveals that her own kids had grandparents that “didn’t want anything to do with them,“ which taught her what kind of grandparent she didn’t want to be.

However, several others chimed in with similar “camps” created by other similarly awesome grandparents.

“Yes! My mom and I do this every year but it’s ‘cousin camp.’ We all look forward to it every year!"

“My mom has a ‘bidi bootcamp.’ Originally it was because every time the grands went to bidi’s house they learned something new. Potty training, paci withdrawal, bottle to cup, etc…The name ‘bidi’s bootcamp’ is just for fun now.”

And of course, several were asking if Camp OmaPapa would be accepting new campers next year—kids and adults alike.

For those next-level grandparents wanting to create something like this for their own grandkids, Paula has more detailed videos breaking down what the kids did each day. Here are a few samples:



 
 @pbev12 Day 3 in the books! Stay tuned for Day 4 of Camp OmaPapa✨ #summercamp #campomapapa #columbuszoo #jerseymikes #artsandcrafts #smores #oma #papa @jerseymikes @Columbus Zoo and Aquarium ♬ Soft - The Pianist & D'Michel leb 
 
 

One important thing to note: it’s pretty evident that Camp OmaPapa isn’t just creating core memories for the kiddos, but for Oma and Papa as well. All while giving parents the village they so desperately need. All in all, it’s a pretty beautiful thing to see.

Check out more things OmaPapa-related by giving Paula a follow on TikTok.

via James Breakwell/X

All parents have had similar convos with thier kiddos.

Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Especially when actual conversations start, as kids begin trying to make sense out of the world around them, ask questions, and test mommy and daddy's resolve.

Back in 2018, comedy writer and children's book author James Breakwell, with four daughters who were all under the age of eight at the time, shared their hilarious conversations on X. From these tweets, it looks like comedy runs in the family. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

While Breakwell's 7-year-old wasn't as heavily featured, when she was quoted, the sarcasm was palpable. Which makes sense, considering that kiddos begin understanding this mechanism around that age.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

Kids really do say the darnedest things, and we love them for it. It one of the many, many ways then bring so much joy to the world. It almost makes up for the headaches and sleepless nights, doesn't it.

This article originally appeared seven years ago.

Nothing compares to witnessing a loved one bring a baby into the world.

Friends are one of life's most valuable treasures, and if you're fortunate enough to find a close group of friends, it's like hitting the jackpot. This is especially true during certain big life milestones, which is why a video of three women sharing a key life moment with a mutual friend has people celebrating the beauty of true friendship.

Alyana South shared the video with the caption, "This was one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever had. Being in the room with my best friends during this beautiful moment was everything. I love you guys so much! Thank you @lexigelz for allowing us to be a part of your big day!! I love him soooo much!!!"

 childbirth, giving birth, having a baby, newborn baby Getting to witness a baby come into the world is a gift.Photo credit: Canva

It's a genuinely powerful birth video, despite the fact that it doesn't show even one iota of the birth, the birthing mom, or the baby. All we see is the friends' reactions during the final pushes and the wee one's arrival, but that part of the story is beautiful in its own right.

The first thing we see are the friends huddled together on a sofa along the wall of a dim room. We hear voices coaching the mom, but the friends stay totally silent. Their body language, however, says it all. First, they lean over and pile on top of one another to be able to see. As the baby starts to come out, the women slap each other's legs in excitement and hold one another's hands in anticipation, and their excitement is palpable. The hands over the mouths. The smiles. The tears. They're so clearly proud of their friend, and when the baby's first cry hits, the joy is just too much.

Watch:

@alyanaksouth

This was one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever had. Being in the room with my best friends during this beautiful moment was everything. I love you guys so much! Thank you @lexigelz for allowing us to be a part of your big day!! I love him soooo much!!!

 

The comments did not disappoint.

"The way they silently watched and let mommy and daddy have their time while supporting….so beautiful!!!!!"

"The way you all were quiet but so supportive was absolutely amazing. That’s true friendship 🥀"

""They were dying but remained quiet and did not take away from the moment for their friend. This was so sweet. Made me cry."

"So quiet and respectful. What an honor// and those aunties gonna be saying for the rest of baby’s life, 'I was there when you were born…'💕💕"

"And these are your three fairy godmothers my sweet! ✨✨✨"

 flora, fauna, merryweather, fairy godmothers, disney Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather, the three fairy godmothers in Disney's "Sleeping Beauty."  Giphy  

"Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather at the birth of Aurora like…"

"The way they all pile up on each other is so sweet to me. You can tell they’ve all known each other for a very long time. This is the final phase of, “we were girls together.” Now they’re all women and their friend is a mother."

"It’s the way they silently celebrate. They slap each others leg, hold each other, don’t take from the moment from their bestie. And they’re SO proud too I love it, literally gives me goosebumps 😭❤️"

"Women are such magic! I love the adult version of girl hood. What a beautiful moment of women celebrating women!"

"Womanhood and girlhood in one video."

 four women, friendship, female relationships, womanhood Friends that are there for the big milestones carry a special place in your heart forever.Photo credit: Canva

And that's really the crux of what makes this video so viscerally beautiful. The giddiness over what they're seeing and their expression of friendship is reminiscent of girlhood, but what's they're actually experiencing is sheer womanhood. Women have supported one another through childbirth for millennia.

Friends we are close to in one season of life we may not be as close to in another, but the ones who see us through big life milestones always hold a special place in our memories and hearts. Wherever life takes these friends, this is a moment none of them will ever forget.

A man's wedding ring and a Christmas tree lot.

Wayne Corprew, 61, cut down a Christmas tree at Joe’s Tree Farm, a family farm in Newport, Virginia, in December 2015, but after putting the tree in his truck, he realized that the wedding ring he bought two years before was missing.

“I went back up to where I dragged the tree to and searched there, but it wasn’t there. I went back to the truck and couldn’t find it there, so it was officially missing. The next day, I came back and brought a metal detector. There was snow on the ground, and I spent all day the next day looking for it, and nothing,” Corprew told WDBJ7.

In the event that the ring would turn up, he left a note with the then-owner, Sue Bostic, that read: “Lost wedding Ring Band. Do not throw away.” Bostic would sell the farm to her nephew, Darren Gilreath, and his wife, Samantha, in 2019. But, according to The Washington Post, Bostic told them never to throw the note away. “This is important,” she recalled telling Darren. “If you ever find this ring, you need to keep this.”

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

By the summer of 2011, Corprew gave up on finding the ring and purchased another wedding band. Two years later, the ring lost a significant amount of sentimental value after he got divorced.

Last June, Darren Gilreath was tilling soil on the farm to plant some corn when he dug up an old wedding ring. “As I’m planting corn, I’m walking through the rows, and I see this wedding band lying on the top of the ground. I said, ‘That looks like a wedding band’, so I reached down and picked it up, and sure enough, it was this nice little gold band that was just lying in the dirt,” Samantha told WDBJ7.

Just to think, if they tilled the soil a few inches to one side or the other, the ring would have remained buried, possibly forever.

 


The Gilreaths remembered the old note that their aunt told them never to throw out, and they called Corprew, who was driving for his job delivering freight. To ensure that he was the ring’s rightful owner, he recited the inscription on the inside, “WITH THIS RING I THEE WED.” Corprew could hardly believe that his tiny ring had been found on such a vast farm. “How in the world, in 50 acres of Christmas trees, you’re walking all around it, and you get a call 15 years later and they find it?” he told The Washington Post.

The next day, when Corprew returned to the farm to get his ring, the Gilreaths showed him where they had found it, and it was right where he had cut down the tree 15 years ago. Corprew was incredibly touched that the farmers kept his note and remembered to reach out to him after finding the ring. Although he's grateful to have his ring back, he likely won't be wearing it any time soon. Since remarrying in 2022, he now wears a black and blue titanium band on the finger where the lost one once sat.