Raise your hand if you love the song "Baby, It's Cold Outside" but also find it creepy.
Since Frank Loesser wrote the song in 1944, famous people have been clamoring to cover it — from Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. (separately of course, not as a duet, though that would've been something) to Zooey Deschanel and Will Ferrell in the Christmas classic "Elf."
It's not hard to imagine why. The tune is super catchy.
Through 1940's eyes, the lyrics may have all the warmth and romance that you'd want in a holiday classic, telling the story about a woman saying she has to leave a man's house while he begs her to stay, saying, "Baby, it's cold outside."
Think a little deeper though, and the lyrics sound pretty darn sinister, with the man at the very least pressuring the woman to stay and outright ignoring her protests, "I ought to say no, no, no, sir/Mind if I move in closer," at the very worst, straight up roofie-ing her, "Say what's in this drink/No cabs to be had out there."
In an age where discussions about consensual sex are at the forefront, it's common to find thinkpieces debating the song's feminist credentials, whether it's 2012 or just last year.
GIF via "Elf."
The good news is that now we have some alternative versions of the song, in the form of amazing feminist remixes.
There's this version by YouTube user caseymh2010, which is from 2013, but has started making the rounds again as the holiday season approaches.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/embed/-RBU6bFSwZg?wmode=transparent&showinfo=0&controls=1&enablejsapi=1&rel=0&version=3&color=white expand=1]
In the updated version, the lyrics start out the same as the original:
"I really can't stay/But, baby, it's cold outside. I've got to go away/But, baby, it's cold outside. This evening has been/Been hoping that you'd drop in ..."
Then, instead of the man answering, "I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice," when the woman sings, "so very nice," he sings a friendly warning:
GIFs via caseymh2010/YouTube.
Rather than trying to coerce the woman into staying, the man supports her decision to leave, and wishes her safe travels.
Other lyrics from the man combine to show that he'll only move forward with the evening if she wants to, singing "Saying yes is your right" and "We've got consent, and that's enough.”
This updated version also addresses the woman's concern in the original lyrics that she'll be judged for staying the night, as implied by "there's bound to be talk tomorrow."
At one point, the female singer uses a lyric straight out of the original, "at least there will be plenty implied," but in this version, the man, instead of ignoring her concern, sings this sex-positive response:
This song reflects the fact women may still be judged for having sex, but the man models a response showing that neither of them should feel any shame for having had sex or even just "staying the night."
Then there's another parody of the song from 2014 that lasts only 11 glorious seconds.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/embed/48Xg0FS-O6Y?wmode=transparent&showinfo=0&controls=1&enablejsapi=1&rel=0&version=3&color=white expand=1]
"I really can't stay," this woman sings. "It's totally fine. I'll call you a cab," the man replies.
If you don't want to watch a 40-second video, this Facebook post models a similar conversation:
Lots of people love "Baby, It's Cold Outside." Given how catchy it is, it's hard to blame anyone for wanting to enjoy it without thinking too deeply about certain ingrained stereotypes that it promotes.
It's also great, however, that these progressive alternatives exist. As someone who finds it hard to separate art from a bad creator, or from a bad message, these reimaginings make "Baby, It's Cold Outside" even more enjoyable.
And it gives me hope for humanity — that messages of consent are catching on.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.