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Caring for older loved ones around the holidays? These 11 tips may help.

Helping the ones you love can go hand-in-hand with holiday cheer.

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The holidays are right around the corner, and for many that means reuniting with family.

It's the perfect time to connect over delicious home-baked pies, laugh during competitive charades, and just generally spread good cheer to one another.

Via istock.

However, many older loved ones may not be able to participate in the holiday fun as easily as they once could.

Going up and down stairs may be more difficult now, and they might not be able to remember everyone they want to give gifts to. Or maybe they can no longer drive, which means getting to a particular destination on their own could be tough. Maybe they avoid going to a family gathering altogether because it just feels too hard.

And if your loved one hasn't asked for help directly, it can be tough figuring out how to jump in and offer.

If you're just learning that they're developing limitations, the holidays are perhaps the best time to broach the conversation about their current or future care needs. There’s no better moment to make those extra efforts for the people you love.

Here are 11 things you can do around the holidays for your loved ones who might not know they need help.

1. Have a pre-holiday gathering to develop a caregiving plan.

Before your family get-together, touch base with everyone to make a plan about how everyone can best support your older loved one during the holidays; that way you can be sure they aren't left out of the festivities. Who will be picking up mom to bring her to dinner? Who's taking her shopping? Is someone shoveling her snow? Remember that caregiving doesn't need to be a solo effort.

2. Offer to take them holiday shopping.

Image via iStock.

If you've noticed they've had trouble driving lately, you can suggest taking them holiday shopping. After all, you're already going. Plus, it's a fun and meaningful way for you two to spend time together.

3. Bring gifts and family to them.

This is especially helpful if your older loved can't easily leave the house. If that's the case, why not arrange the holiday gathering plans around them so they can still be a part of the action? They can enjoy gifts, food, and fun all from the comfort of their home.

4. Use after-dinner time to maybe start a conversation about next steps.

The kids will likely be off playing, so it's an ideal time to bring up the subject of how you can be helpful to your older loved one. You don't want to ambush them, but the end of the year is a great time to touch base and ask your loved one how they feel the year has gone and what kind of care and support they might need in the new year.

As AARP's Prepare to Care Guide states, "a plan should never be made without the participation, knowledge, and consent of your loved one." By taking an opportunity to begin talking about it over dessert by the fireplace, it'll hopefully feel more like an open-ended conversation.

That said, if the timing doesn't feel right, you shouldn't force the issue. AARP's family caregiving expert Amy Goyer says you might use the holidays as a kick off point to schedule the conversation for a later date when everyone can feel up to speed and on the same page.

5. Help them feel included in the holiday festivities.

via istock.

For older loved ones with Alzheimer's or other memory loss issues, it's easy to just fade into the background, especially if they don't remember past holiday traditions. But the important thing to remember is that holidays are about being together, and no one should be left out. That's why AARP's family caregiving expert Amy Goyer stresses the importance of encouraging them to get involved in any way they want. From singing carols to decorating the Christmas tree, it's the little things that may spark some unexpected joy.

"Understand what’s meaningful for them," says Goyer. "Think about how you can adapt those things to fit their abilities."

6. Make them a unique holiday gift that will remind them how much they mean to you.

Maybe it's a scrapbook filled with photos of your family from past holidays that they can always flip through to remember wonderful moments. Or, perhaps it's a watch or necklace you had engraved. Gifts with a real personal touch are a constant reminder that they have family who loves them.

7. Ask them what fun activities they want to do during the holidays.

This is both a way for you to spend more time with your older loved one and make sure they're going out and doing things. List items could include visiting an obscure museum to something as simple as taking the afternoon to learn a cool new game. As loved ones age, they can begin to feel like they're losing their independence. Giving them the chance to decide what you'll do together can be a fun and empowering experience.

"It’s okay to create new traditions," stresses Goyer.

8. Encourage kids in the family to interview their elders.

Image via iStock.

Considering everyone has a recording device on their phones these days, this is an easy and fun thing to do before or after a holiday meal. Not only does it strengthen the bond between the generations, it also makes your older loved ones feel like their stories still matter. And at the end of it, you'll have their memories captured on tape to cherish for years to come.

9. Take a day or two and just focus on yourself.

This may sound counterintuitive to the season of giving, but if you've been dedicating a lot of time and effort to working out a caregiving plan, you may be burned out. If you don't take some time to recharge, you won't be useful to your older loved ones — or anyone for that matter. Finding that balance between caring for yourself and others is vital to keeping the care going.

10. Look at the holidays as a chance to test out new living situations.

Via Jennifer Martin/AARP.

If it seems like your older loved one can no longer live alone but isn't eager to change up their lifestyle, why not suggest they stay with you or a fellow family member over the holidays? It's an easy way to test out the new situation under ideal, aka celebratory, circumstances.

11. If you live far from your older loved one, figure out how you can help from a distance.

Image via iStock.

You may not be able to be the caregiver on the ground all year long, but that doesn't mean you can't do a lot for them. If you're going to be a point person for care but can't physically be there, make sure you have a local team of support lined up. Whether they're family, friends, or hired help, it's important to know someone can get to your loved one quickly and easily in an emergency.

The transition into caregiving can be difficult, but getting the ball rolling over the holidays might just make it a little easier.

And no matter what steps you choose to take, be sure to keep listening to your loved one throughout. They're a huge part of this new step, and their voice should always matter.

Of course, everyone's situation will be unique, but if you approach the adjustment thoughtfully and with love, it can make all the difference.

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Parenting

Man asks how to help his wife who works full-time with a baby at home and keeps getting the same answer

More and more families are trying to scrape by — by trying to do it all

Photo by Katie Emslie on Unsplash

There are times in parenting where you just feel kind of useless.

You can't carry the baby, take a late-night breastfeeding shift, or absorb any of the pain and discomfort of childbirth.

Sometimes the best you can do is to try to take care of your partner.

That's what brought user u/DietyBeta to the AskParents subreddit with a well-meaning question.

"My wife watches our 1yo, works, and is 12 week pregnant. How can I make her daily life easier while I'm away at work?"

He says that when he gets home from work, he takes over all parenting and homemaking duties.

But yeesh! That's still... a lot to handle. No wonder his wife is stressed out.

A few folks chimed in to pat the OP on the back. After all, it's great to see a dad who realizes how much is falling on mom's shoulders and actively looking for ways to lighten the load!

Some helpful suggestions rolled in, like taking over meal prep and making her easy lunches to heat up, hiring cleaners, or paying someone to walk the dogs.

woman in black shirt lying on couch Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

But then even more people came in to the comments asking the same question over and over: If mom is working, why isn't the 1-year-old in daycare?

u/young-mommy wrote: "Is the one year old in daycare? If not, I would start there. Working from home with a child gets harder and harder as they enter toddlerhood"

u/min2themax said: "It’s nice of you to be asking how to help her but she really is getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop here. It sounds like she is literally always working or parenting. Sometimes both at the same time. Walking the dogs and making her lunches and prepping meals and doing laundry is all well and good but this is not at all sustainable."

u/alternative-box3260 said: "Have the one year old in daycare. I was in a similar situation and it’s impossible. I was able to breath after that, not before."

And u/sillychihuahua26 wrote: "She’s caring for your 1.year old while working? That’s a horrible plan. You guys need childcare like yesterday."

We have a legitimate childcare crisis in our country, and stories like this one really bring it to life.

Childcare in the United States isn't nearly accessible or affordable enough for most families. Period.

ChildCare Aware found that that average cost of childcare in 2022 was $10,853 per year, or roughly 10% of a median family income (in 2024, it's likely even more than that — yet the actual workers at childcare centers are somehow severely underpaid).

But even that eye-popping number is conservative. Anyone who lives anywhere close to a city (or in California or New York) knows the number will be way higher. It's just not feasible for most families to put their child, let alone multiple children, in full-time care while they're young.

And yet! The percentage of households with two parents working full-time has been rising for decades. Life is more expensive than ever, and the extra income from two working parents really helps, even if it's offset by those child care costs.

More and more families are trying to scrape by — by trying to do it all

woman in white shirt sitting on brown wooden armchair Photo by Keren Fedida on Unsplash

Now we don't know whether the OP's family can afford childcare for their 1-year-old or not, although in a later update to the post he wrote:

"As far as daycare, she doesn't want to because she feels like she would be missing out on the time"

So even if you can afford childcare, there's the still the crushing guilt of shipping your child off to be raised by strangers to deal with! Classic.

(Take one guess who shoulders most of the daycare guilt — dads or moms?)

The work-from-home revolution has been a Godsend for parents in certain ways — flexibility, balance, less commuting time — but its also saddled many of them with double duty.

'Hey how about you work full-time because we need the money AND keep an eye on the kids, since you're home anyway!'

But it doesn't work like that, and trying to do both is crushing modern parents.

In fact, the Surgeon General of the United States just put out an official advisory based on the plummeting mental state of today's parents.

We know parents are having a hard time and that it's getting picked up in the national conversation. But hearing about a mom working full-time with a 1-year-old on her hip while pregnant, and a dad stuck working out of the house who's at a total loss for how to make things better really paints a pretty bleak picture.

No one should have to work full-time and parent full-time, at the same time.

A fridge full of microwavable lunches and a fleet of dog walkers isn't going to make it any better until things start changing from the very top.

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Democracy

These before-and-afters will make you question everything about how our economy works

You'd think it was some sort of natural disaster. Nope. Totally man-made.

Yup. These images were taken only two years apart. And what you're seeing was not an accident.

When the economy crashed in 2008, it was because of shady financial practices like predatory lending and speculative investing, which is basically gambling, only the entire economy was at stake.

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When the recession hit, it literally hit home for millions of people. And Detroit was right in the middle of it.

I spoke with Alex Alsup, who works with a Detroit-based tech company that's mapping the city's foreclosed homes to help city officials see the bigger picture and find solutions. He also runs the Tumblr GooBingDetroit, where he uses Google Street View's time machine to document the transformation of Detroit's neighborhoods over the last few years.

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"There's a common sentiment that Detroit's looked the way it does for decades, but it's just not true," Alsup said.

It's astonishing to see how quickly so many homes went from seemingly delightful to wholly unlivable.

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When the recession went into full force, home values took a nosedive. But the city expected homeowners to pay property taxes as if they hadn't.

Not only does the situation defy logic, but it's like a brass-knuckled face punch to the people the city is supposed to be looking out for. Alsup explains:

"You had houses — tens of thousands of them — that were worth only $20,000 or so, yet owed $4,000 a year in taxes, for which very few city services were delivered (e.g. police, fire, roads, schools). Who would pay that?"

Indeed.

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A local group calls what happened to Detroit a "hurricane without water."

And like a real hurricane, homeowners aren't the ones to blame. They're even calling for what is essentially a federal disaster response.

Here are the three strategies they want to see in action — and they can work for basically anywhere in the country that's struggling with a housing crisis.

1. Stop kicking people out of their homes.

They want the city to end foreclosures and evictions from owner-occupied homes. Many people aren't just losing their homes — they've lost jobs, pensions, and services because of budget cuts. Putting them on the street is like a kick in the teeth when they're down.

2. If a home is worth less on the market than what the homeowner owes on their loan, reduce what they owe.

Those are called underwater mortgages. Banks caused this mess, and governments ignored it. It's only fair that people's mortgages be adjusted based the current value of their home.

3. Sell repossessed homes at fair prices to people who actually want to live in them.

Selling to banks and investors only encourages what led to the financial crisis in the first place. Wouldn't it make more sense to sell to people who are going to live in them and have a genuine interest in rebuilding the community?

Housing is a human right. And an economy based on financial markets doesn't care about human rights. Maybe it's time for a new economy?

Click play below for a silent cruise down a once lovely residential block in Detroit.

This article originally appeared on 12.15.14

Education & Information

A boy with dwarfism struggled to get his lunch. So a cafeteria worker made him a souped-up cart.

He went from struggling to stylish.

via Beaverton School District

Julian Worsham gets a new cart.

Six-year-old Julian Worsham of Beaverton, Oregon is like a lot of other first-graders: he loves Super Mario and Taekwondo. But he has achondroplasia, the most common form of dwarfism, and goes to a school that wasn't built for kids his height.

"He's born into a world that just, in some ways, is not built for him," Julian's father, Brett, told WHAS11.

His mother did a walk-through before his first day at school to make sure he wouldn't run into any problems because of his height but forgot to check the cafeteria. [We] "noticed that where the food was, was right at his head," Heather told the Beaverton School District. Then, to make things more of a struggle, he had to carry his tray outside to the lunch benches.

The school made him a makeshift cart out of an upside-down milk crate on wheels to help him transport his lunch from the cafeteria to the benches.

"When I saw it I thought, 'Wow,'" said Enedelia Mottram, who's served lunch for the school district for 18 years. "I just wanted to help Julian, because I mean his head barely reaches the lunch line. He can't see anything."

Julian's first cart wasn't cutting the mustard.

via Beaverton School District

That night, she talked to her husband, James, a metalworker, to see if he could come up with something better. He got his team together at Wright Manufacturing in Portland to create a new cart that allowed Julian to transport his lunch tray and see over the counter.

James told the Beaverton School District that he wanted to make something that Julian would be "proud to push around."

James and his team put together a badass cart with adjustable, handlebar grips just like a motorcycle that has a stool inside so he can reach the countertop. It is adorned with flames and a personalized license plate that says, "JULIAN."

Julian's parents were blown away by the care and creativity that was put into creating his cart.

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"They took the time to get those license plates with his name, which is just like, they just really put a lot of heart into it. So when I saw it, the first thing I saw was actually a picture of James and his team who made the cart and I cried. It's just such a sweet thing," Heather said.

Julian loves the license plate and the flames and is now able to grab his lunch and get out to the benches in style.

"He's independent now," said Mottram. "Before, a staff member [would] have to be there to help him," she said.

Heather hopes that the story will inspire others to reach out and help other people in need.

"There's just wonderful people in this world that, you know, they have their eyes open. They're seeing needs that need to be met and they're meeting them. So I hope that other kids can get their needs met through this," she said.

This article originally appeared on 11.3.21

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Heroic sanitation workers save abducted, 10-year-old girl while on their trash route

"I was just doing my job man. I was just doing my job and actually came across somebody who needed help."

via Dion Merrick / Facebook

At 1:30 am on a Monday morning in February, an AMBER Alert went out in southern Louisiana about a missing 10-year-old girl from New Iberia. It was believed she had been kidnapped and driven away in a 2012 silver Nissan Altima.

A few hours later at 7 am, Dion Merrick and Brandon Antoine, sanitation workers for Pelican Waste, were on their daily route when they noticed a vehicle that fit the description in the alert.

The sanitation workers thought it was suspicious that a silver sedan was parked alone in a field in St. Martin Parish.

"Something told me, like just look, I said what is that car doing in that field like that? What the car doing? Guess what, that's the dude with the little girl," Merrick said in a Facebook Live video. "That's God."

The video has been seen over 1.5 million times since it was posted on Monday morning.

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To prevent the possible kidnapper from escaping, they parked the large sanitation truck the wrong way on the highway to "Make sure they couldn't get out," Merrick said. Then, they called 911.

When police arrived they arrested Michael R. Sereal, the man whose car was mentioned in the AMBER Alert. The police were also able to safely recover the girl who appeared unharmed. She was later taken to the hospital to be evaluated by medical personnel.

The Iberia Parish Sheriff's Department's online sex offender registry has a Michael Roy Sereal but authorities wouldn't confirm it's the same man.

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The young girls' family got in touch with the two men who saved her and have shown amazing gratitude. "I'm just so happy and blessed that I have actually seen the car and we actually responded like we were supposed to respond," Merrick told KHOU.

Merrick hopes that his actions will inspire others to be proactive as well.

"Don't be scared if you see something. If you know something is wrong, report it," Merrick said. "Call authorities because it could save someone's life."

via Office of the Louisiana Attorney general

The two men were applauded by the St. John Parish's Sheriff, who offered to buy them lunch.

"I was just doing my job man. I was just doing my job and actually came across somebody who needed help," Merrick said. "Got me tearing up."

The AMBER Alert system was created in 1996 after nine-year-old Amber Hagerman was abducted and murdered while riding her bike in Texas. Since its inception, nearly seven in 10 AMBER alert cases have resulted in children being successfully reunited with their parents.

In 17% of the cases, the child's recovery is a direct result of the alert.

As of December 2020, 1,029 children rescued specifically because of the system.

This article originally appeared on 02.09.21

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Joy

Video of cats punching above their weight gives us a new appreciation for our feline friends

Maybe they're actually as superior as they think they are.

Photo by 傅甬华 on Unsplash

Cats are far more badass than we give them credit for.

Cats have a reputation for being aloof and standoffish, like they're better than everyone and simply can't be bothered. Those of us who have cats know they're not always like that … but yes, they're sometimes like that. They can be sweet and affectionate, but they want affection on their terms, they want to eat and play and sleep on their own clock, and we puny, inferior humans have little say in the matter.

There's a reason why we have obedience schools for dogs and not for cats. Maine coon or Bengal, Savannah or Siamese, ragdoll or sphynx, domestic cats of all breeds are largely untrainable little punks who lure us into loving them by blessing us with the honor of stroking their fur and hearing them purr.

But perhaps we assume too much when we think cats are full of themselves for no good reason. Maybe they are actually somewhat justified in their snootiness. Maybe they really, truly are superior to pretty much every other creature on Earth and that's why they act like it.

Cats, if they could talk, would be nodding and prodding us along at this point: "Yes, yes, you're so close. Just a little further now, keep going."

Think about it. They're beautiful and graceful, but also quick and powerful. They groom constantly so they're almost always clean and their fur even smells good. They can fall from ridiculous heights, land on their feet and walk away unscathed. They're wicked good ambush hunters. They can walk completely silently, like ninjas, then pull out the razor blades on their feet at will and do serious damage in an instant.

All of that makes them impressive specimens, but ironically it's their total hubris that makes them truly superior. When they feel like it (because cats only do things they feel like doing) they will take on anyone and anything. Big, small, dangerous, fierce—doesn't matter. That unbridled confidence—earned or not—combined with their physique and skill makes them the badasses of the animal world.

Want proof? Here ya go:

The snakes, man. I can't get over the snakes.

Cats really are better than us and every other living thing, basically. And even if they aren't, they believe they are, which counts just as much. They're either the ultimate creatures or the ultimate conmen. Either way, you just don't mess with them.

This article originally appeared on 08.17.22

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