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Caring for older loved ones around the holidays? These 11 tips may help.

Helping the ones you love can go hand-in-hand with holiday cheer.

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AARP + the Ad Council

The holidays are right around the corner, and for many that means reuniting with family.

It's the perfect time to connect over delicious home-baked pies, laugh during competitive charades, and just generally spread good cheer to one another.

Via istock.

However, many older loved ones may not be able to participate in the holiday fun as easily as they once could.

Going up and down stairs may be more difficult now, and they might not be able to remember everyone they want to give gifts to. Or maybe they can no longer drive, which means getting to a particular destination on their own could be tough. Maybe they avoid going to a family gathering altogether because it just feels too hard.  

And if your loved one hasn't asked for help directly, it can be tough figuring out how to jump in and offer.

If you're just learning that they're developing limitations, the holidays are perhaps the best time to broach the conversation about their current or future care needs. There’s no better moment to make those extra efforts for the people you love.

Here are 11 things you can do around the holidays for your loved ones who might not know they need help.

1. Have a pre-holiday gathering to develop a caregiving plan.

Before your family get-together, touch base with everyone to make a plan about how everyone can best support your older loved one during the holidays; that way you can be sure they aren't left out of the festivities. Who will be picking up mom to bring her to dinner? Who's taking her shopping? Is someone shoveling her snow? Remember that caregiving doesn't need to be a solo effort.

2. Offer to take them holiday shopping.

Image via iStock.

If you've noticed they've had trouble driving lately, you can suggest taking them holiday shopping. After all, you're already going. Plus, it's a fun and meaningful way for you two to spend time together.

3. Bring gifts and family to them.

This is especially helpful if your older loved can't easily leave the house. If that's the case, why not arrange the holiday gathering plans around them so they can still be a part of the action? They can enjoy gifts, food, and fun all from the comfort of their home.

4. Use after-dinner time to maybe start a conversation about next steps.

The kids will likely be off playing, so it's an ideal time to bring up the subject of how you can be helpful to your older loved one. You don't want to ambush them, but the end of the year is a great time to touch base and ask your loved one how they feel the year has gone and what kind of care and support they might need in the new year.

As AARP's Prepare to Care Guide states, "a plan should never be made without the participation, knowledge, and consent of your loved one." By taking an opportunity to begin talking about it over dessert by the fireplace, it'll hopefully feel more like an open-ended conversation.

That said, if the timing doesn't feel right, you shouldn't force the issue. AARP's family caregiving expert Amy Goyer says you might use the holidays as a kick off point to schedule the conversation for a later date when everyone can feel up to speed and on the same page.

5. Help them feel included in the holiday festivities.

via istock.

For older loved ones with Alzheimer's or other memory loss issues, it's easy to just fade into the background, especially if they don't remember past holiday traditions. But the important thing to remember is that holidays are about being together, and no one should be left out. That's why AARP's family caregiving expert Amy Goyer stresses the importance of encouraging them to get involved in any way they want. From singing carols to decorating the Christmas tree, it's the little things that may spark some unexpected joy.

"Understand what’s meaningful for them," says Goyer. "Think about how you can adapt those things to fit their abilities."

6. Make them a unique holiday gift that will remind them how much they mean to you.

Maybe it's a scrapbook filled with photos of your family from past holidays that they can always flip through to remember wonderful moments. Or, perhaps it's a watch or necklace you had engraved. Gifts with a real personal touch are a constant reminder that they have family who loves them.

7. Ask them what fun activities they want to do during the holidays.

This is both a way for you to spend more time with your older loved one and make sure they're going out and doing things. List items could include visiting an obscure museum to something as simple as taking the afternoon to learn a cool new game. As loved ones age, they can begin to feel like they're losing their independence. Giving them the chance to decide what you'll do together can be a fun and empowering experience.

"It’s okay to create new traditions," stresses Goyer.

8. Encourage kids in the family to interview their elders.

Image via iStock.

Considering everyone has a recording device on their phones these days, this is an easy and fun thing to do before or after a holiday meal. Not only does it strengthen the bond between the generations, it also makes your older loved ones feel like their stories still matter. And at the end of it, you'll have their memories captured on tape to cherish for years to come.

9. Take a day or two and just focus on yourself.

This may sound counterintuitive to the season of giving, but if you've been dedicating a lot of time and effort to working out a caregiving plan, you may be burned out. If you don't take some time to recharge, you won't be useful to your older loved ones — or anyone for that matter. Finding that balance between caring for yourself and others is vital to keeping the care going.

10. Look at the holidays as a chance to test out new living situations.

Via Jennifer Martin/AARP.

If it seems like your older loved one can no longer live alone but isn't eager to change up their lifestyle, why not suggest they stay with you or a fellow family member over the holidays? It's an easy way to test out the new situation under ideal, aka celebratory, circumstances.

11. If you live far from your older loved one, figure out how you can help from a distance.

Image via iStock.

You may not be able to be the caregiver on the ground all year long, but that doesn't mean you can't do a lot for them. If you're going to be a point person for care but can't physically be there, make sure you have a local team of support lined up. Whether they're family, friends, or hired help, it's important to know someone can get to your loved one quickly and easily in an emergency.

The transition into caregiving can be difficult, but getting the ball rolling over the holidays might just make it a little easier.

And no matter what steps you choose to take, be sure to keep listening to your loved one throughout. They're a huge part of this new step, and their voice should always matter.

Of course, everyone's situation will be unique, but if you approach the adjustment thoughtfully and with love, it can make all the difference.

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People from around the globe share 15 signs that someone is obviously an American

"An Italian told me that Americans walk confidently in the wrong direction."

tourists, american tourists, us tourists, vacation, american style
via Tarnie/Flickr, Paul Duncan/Flickr, tAlex Bikes/Flickr

Americans on vacation.

One of the fun things about traveling to different countries is that you not only get to learn about other cultures, but you also learn some things about your own. Americans who travel abroad often learn that people around the world appreciate them for being open, friendly, and good at spreading hope and optimism.

On the other hand, people in other countries can often tell when an American is coming from a mile away because they speak loudly, whether indoors or outdoors. Americans also have a very peculiar body language and are known to lean on things when they have to stand for an extended period.


A Reddit user posed a question in the AskReddit subforum to learn more about how Americans stand out abroad: What's an "obvious" sign that someone is American? The post received more than 35,000 responses, with an overwhelming number of commenters noting that Americans are all smiles and love to make small talk, something most people appreciate.

According to Redditors, here are 15 "obvious" signs that someone is American:

1. They have a unique confidence

"An Italian told me that Americans walk confidently in the wrong direction."

"Been taught to walk fast, and look worried.. People think you know what you're doing."

2. They're friendly

"I worked as a cashier in a tourist place in Paris, I always recognised Americans because they were kinda friendly to me and they always left tips."

"I guess there are worse things than friendly and generous."


3. Time = distance

"If someone asks how far away something is, an American will tell how you long it takes to get there as opposed to a physical distance."

"It actually pisses off some Americans to give a distance in miles, unless they're calculating gas mileage. In some places, you have to give with and without traffic options. I think it's more valuable info in time than in distance."

4. Grinning at strangers

"The gentle grins you give to strangers if you make eye contact with them as you pass by, at least in the Midwest. was not well received in Germany."

"I dated a European man here in the US. When we walked together, every time I made eye contact with someone on our path I would smile at them, and they would always smile back. Boyfriend was so confused at all these strangers smiling at me. Kept asking if I knew all these people. It was hilarious."


5. They like personal space

"How much personal space they give themselves. Americans like at LEAST an arm's length."

"We're conditioned to fill spaces evenly. I noticed when i worked delivery, spending lots of quality time on elevators that for every new person that enters, everybody shuffles to even things out. Similar thing plays out in social gatherings and bars. Not sure if that's universal or not, but I find it interesting. I think the size of our personal bubbles is because our spaces are generally much larger because we've got the space (heh) to build bigger buildings, sidewalks, roads etc. Might also explain why we're louder. Used to filling larger spaces with volume."

Body language expert Joe Navarro says that among Americans, the social zone for acquaintances and casual interactions is four to 12 feet, while family and close friends stand 1.5 to four feet apart. The intimate zone, for those closest to us, ranges from the skin to about 18 inches.


6. They lean

"According to the CIA, when training to be a spy, you have to unlearn how to lean. Americans tend to lean on things when standing still."

All of this is true, according to Jonna Mendez, the former chief of disguise at the CIA, who has shared some of her tips and tricks for making Americans seem more European. "So we would de-Americanize you," Mendez told NPR. "They think that we are slouchy, a little sloppy. And they think that they can almost see that in our demeanor on the street because they stand up straight. They don't lean on things."


7. They don't have an indoor voice

"I've lived in America for 25 years, and it still irritates me that instead of lowering their voices in restaurants so everyone can hear, Americans just scream over each other and make their restaurants as loud as clubs."

"For some reason, my otherwise smart and wonderful American friends will speak in the same volume, diction, and speed regardless of any outside factor unless specifically asked."

8. Dessert for breakfast

"In my homestay in London, I was told that I was 'so American' for enjoying a piece of cake for breakfast (not frosted cake, but like a nuts and dried fruit spiced coffeecake kind of thing). Apparently, that's exclusively for like a 4 pm snack, and breakfast is more of a savory meal."

"A lot of American breakfast items in my mind are desserts (pancakes, muffins, waffles, etc.). It doesn't mean I won't eat them, but it's kinda weird to do so."

9. They wear their clothes differently

"A British man once told me he knew I was American because I was wearing a baseball cap backwards."

"An Italian told me they could tell I was American because I wore my sunglasses on the top of my head when I wasn't using them."


10. Exposed soles

"While visiting Turkey, I was told that I looked American because I was sitting with one leg across the other, and the bottom of my shoe was exposed. Apparently, it's rude idk."

"In a lot of places outside of the US, showing the bottom of your shoe is rude."

11. Tactical gear

"Tactical sunglasses."

"I'm in the US, and virtually anything marketed towards men has the word 'tactical' in front of it."

12. They love small talk

"I'm from California (though a smallish town), and we wave to neighbors on our road, even if we haven't met, and start conversations in the grocery line with people if the opportunity presents itself. Also, smiling and saying hello to someone you happen to walk by and make eye contact with is quite normal. We are a social species, it would be so weird not to be friendly, even to strangers, for me, and I'm not even that social of a person."

"What really gets me to it is not that Americans do small talk constantly, but the fact that they are so good and fast at it. I mean, I say 'yeah, it's hot,' and they reply with some interesting fact or make a connection to their hometown. I feel less of myself after this. They must have some small talk class in school or some sh*t."

13. They like to point

"I've always observed my US friends like to point at stuff while walking and say what it is…. We were out walking around Amsterdam recently and they were like 'hey look it's a smoke shop'…. 'Oh look a sex shop'…. 'Oh hey, it's a prostitute' …. 'Look at the canal'…. 'Wow it's another prostitute'….. 'another canal' etc etc. It was like watching Netflix with Audio Descriptions turned on."

"You know that little voice inside your head, your internal monologue? Americans seem to monologue their thoughts."


14. Optimism and enthusiasm

"Dunno in all context, but Americans in Europe stand out with their ceaseless optimism and enthusiasm."

"I'm reminded a lot of Ted Lasso. Everyone I know (all Americans) loves the show. I wonder what kind of European fan base it has."

"Americans are so positive and have such a thirst for life. It sickens me."

15. They eat while walking

"When I lived in Europe, people said only Americans eat while walking. I'd be eating a bagel or something on the way to work or class, and multiple people asked if I was American lol."

"Jay Leno said on Top Gear, I think it was, that Americans are also the only people who eat while driving. I don't do this, but I constantly see people who do, haha, especially in LA, where people spend a lot of time in their cars."

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Mental Health

There's a new personality type called the 'otrovert' and one major trait sets it apart

"I feel seen for the first time in my life!"

crowd, unique, personality type, nonconformist
Photo Credit: Canva

A person stands out in a crowd.

So many of us have the desire to compartmentalize our personality traits into neat little boxes. "Oh, she's such an INFJ. Oh, he's such a Gemini." Some of it is rooted (well sort of) in psychology, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, based loosely on Jungian ideas. Others rely on arguably less scientific data like stars and "rising signs." Humans aren't usually that simple.

That said, there's still value in understanding one's own personality and inclinations. Here's a confession: I've taken countless personality tests because I just couldn't figure out if I was an extrovert or an introvert. Neither description quite fit, and as someone constantly trying to understand what makes me tick, this has been frustrating.

Turns out, there are other options. The term "ambivert" got popularized in the 1930s (after being coined by Edmund S. Conklin in 1923), and it refers to a person "who has features of both an introvert (someone who prefers to spend time alone) and an extrovert (someone who prefers to be with other people) in their personality."

@tedtoks

Replying to @Factura🛄 now knowing what an ambivert is, how would you describe yourself? #ambivert #introvert #extrovert #adamgrant #psychology #TEDTalk #worklife

But for those who still don't quite relate, meet the otrovert. Just recently, psychiatrist Rami Kaminski published The Gift of Not Belonging, in which he discusses his coined term to describe a whole new type of personality. In an Insta-reel captioned "What is an Otrovert?" Kaminski mentions the polarization of introverts and extroverts. "When Jung invented the terms extrovert and introvert, he saw them as two fundamental orientations of the personality. I see the otrovert in the same way. A personality trait that faces away from the group."

He continues, "Extroverts and introverts are inherently communal, while the otrovert is an outsider to the group. In itself, it is not a problem or condition, nor is it a diagnostic label. It simply means that while most people learn to develop a sense of belonging to a specific group through social conditioning, otroverts remain social but not communal."

In writer Sarjna Rai's piece, "Struggle to Fit the Mold? The 'Otrovert' Personality Explains Why" for Business Standard, they write: "Unlike introverts or extroverts, otroverts are not defined by where they draw their social energy. Instead, the concept captures people who constantly feel like outsiders, and tend to look in a different direction altogether, not necessarily aligned with the rest of the group."

While it's impossible to group people into perfect categories, Rai explains that Kaminski claims the main thing that sets otroverts apart is their "reluctance to conform to group norms."

Writer Avery White lists signs one might be an otrovert in the article "7 Signs You Might Be an Otrovert" for VegOut. Among them is preferring "high-signal conversations and low-maintenance relationships." They give this as an example: "You’ll happily spend three hours exploring one idea with one person—and then not speak for weeks without either of you taking it personally. In other words, low pressure, low expectations, high connection.

Another on the list—and this is a big one according to Kaminski—is: "You can look extroverted in public—yet feel fundamentally 'other.'" This is actually the crux of the term, and in fact, what Kaminski formed The Otherness Institute for: as their website says, "those who feel they don't belong."

The site also shares that recognizing aspects of this type in yourself and others (if it applies) will help "balance between your individuality and your function as part of the social matrix that determines your well-being. The experience of otherness in a togetherness-minded world can be emotionally bruising. Often misunderstood and misdiagnosed, otherness may lead individuals to feel strange, lonely, and unwelcome in groups. Left unidentified, otroverts' non-belonging can result in a frustrating, futile lifetime effort of trying to 'fit in.'"

Some Redditors are scrambling to figure out if they fit into this category. In the subreddit r/INTP (referencing one of the Myers-Briggs personality types), the OP asks, "Maybe I am an 'otrovert?'" Under this, they write, "Dr. Kaminski described the otrovert child as 'neurotypical, friendly, curious, well-adjusted, and often popular' yet 'they resist being pressured into group activities.'"

While this can seem inconsequential in childhood, joining the peer group "becomes critically important" in adolescence, said the psychiatrist, and teens "start to gauge their self-worth based on the group’s ranking of popularity (or unpopularity).'

"Membership in a group, no matter how lowly, is better than being an outsider," he added. "Otroverts, however, are comfortable with being outsiders and find it impossible to feel like insiders, regardless of how welcome they are.'

There are a handful of commenters who feel seen, but many push back, claiming the term could easily apply to other personality traits. One writes, "I think it's easy to resonate with this description... but as some warning noted, there aren't enough studies done about this term that people should be running to adopt it. I resonated with it after reading about it... But I have ADHD and persistent depressive disorder... both of which coincide with the descriptions of an otrovert."

Time will tell if this new term sticks, but for now, it's helping a lot of people feel more understood.

This article originally appeared last year.


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Frugal people share the best money-saving advice from parents and grandparents they still use

"My mother taught me how to compare prices per item or ounce rather than by the package."

frugal, frugal lifestyle, frugal advice, frugal living, money saving tips
Images via Canva/spxChrome, irynakhabliuk

People who live frugal lifestyles share best frugal advice from older generations.

For those with great grandparents, grandparents, and parents from the Greatest Generation (those born 1901 to 1927) and the Silent Generation (those born 1928 to 1945), much can be learned from how to live a frugal lifestyle. These two generations lived through the Great Depression and World War II, two events that forced Americans to become more resourceful due to difficult financial situations, food scarcity, and rations.

Today, people who consider themselves frugal are always looking for more ways to save money. To glean frugal wisdom from older generations that would still be applicable today, one frugal person posed the question on Reddit: "What frugal lesson from your parents or grandparents you still use today?"

And many frugal people offered their best money-saving tips from their relatives that they still use today. From how to save on money to utilities, these are the best frugal tips from Redditors:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Reuse from your kitchen

"My grandma rinsed and reused foil until it crumbled. I rolled my eyes then, now I catch myself doing it. Funny how those 'silly' habits end up smart. Mine also saves glass jars, labeled lids with tape, turned t-shirt into rags, and froze veg scraps for stock. :)" - YourxCherry

"I save butter wrappers in the fridge to use for greasing baking pans. To get everything out of empty condiment bottles, I pour a little vinegar, milk or whatever is fitting, then shake it up and use that for salad dressing or other cooking needs." - so-many-cats

"I love Tostitos salsa jars. Whatever I cook, such as soup, ground beef, pasta, the extras, or leftovers, everything goes into these jars. They are so perfect for portioning. One jar = one person's meal portion. I literally have more than 30 jars, and they are incredibly convenient!" - Proud_Possibility256

"I do not go grocery shopping until my fridge is empty including my freezer zero food waste. I have become very creative with recipes. Saves me money. Always take lunch to work." - Samantha-the-mermaid

"My grandmother took care of her five siblings during the depression after her parents died on .45¢ an hour. I make more money in an hour than she made in a week. She never wasted ANYTHING. She taught me to save bacon grease for seasoning, bread ends for bread pudding, leftovers for soup, and coffee grounds and eggshells for the garden. We didn't carve our pumpkins- we painted them and made pumpkin pie out of it after Halloween." - That-Response-1969

"I sometimes hate it that I am like this, but one of the first odd things that come to mind is labeling bottles of home goods like dish soap, body wash, bars of soap, hand soap, etc. so you know which one lasts the longest after purchase. Keep in my mind, my grandmother grew up during the Great Depression. I also spent a majority of my days with her making food (predominately just standing around doing nothing useful). All of the meals we hold dear to our hearts are actually just frugal meals to stretch out. She would get extremely nervous if she came to your home and there were not canned goods. This is winter in the upper Midwest during the Great Depression to put it into perspective, along with canning and preparing for everything. This is a person that lived by candle light basically. When she finally had a icebox, every last meal had to be frozen. No matter what you made, it had to be able to sit there when necessary. You make no meal that cannot be eaten for three days or frozen solid for the next month. I still live by this routine." - WideRoadDeadDeer95

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Make your money go further

"My mother taught me how to compare prices per item or ounce rather than by the package." - Chicpea09

"My parents always framed purchases by how much time I would have to exchange for the item. So when I was in 6th grade and I wanted a TV for my bedroom and it was $120, I would have to do 6 to 10ish baby sitting jobs - then ask myself is it worth that exchange. This is still how I frame most purchases." - BagNo349

"My grandfather told me as a teenager that debt is how other people control you. I didn't realize how true this was until my early 20s when I got into mild debt problems. Since then I have been majorly debt averse." - Egon88

"Mine told me if you cant pay the milkman 6pence this week, how will you pay him 12pence next week? Lesson learned. I pay my bills on time ALWAYS." - Mundane_Sail_4155

"My dad always said it's not a deal if you can't afford it. Of course he didn't have slickdeals either lol." - JasonG5

"My grandpa always said ‘Pay yourself first.’ Even when money was tight, he’d stash $5–10 in savings before paying bills. I thought it was silly but that habit built a nice cushion over time." - samdaz712

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Save on utilities and living expenses

"I hang dry my clothing whenever possible. I find it strangely relaxing to stand outside and carefully hang everything up so it has good airflow. It reminds me of helping my grandmother hang out laundry on their farm. The only thing I changed was painting the tips of my clothespins so I can see them better and don’t forget them on the line accidentally." - SpecificSkunk

"MAINTAIN and REPAIR what you already own. Lubricate, tighten, clean. Change filters. Replace belts. Flush. Air out. Condition. Resurface. Store properly. Take care of your stuff." - i_know_tofu

"I patch and repair clothes that can be repaired instead of immediately buying new. For instance, we have a comforter that has gotten holes from the washing machine - cheap materials. I'm learning the Japanese art of Shashiko to patch it over my Thanksgiving week break. I find a used item instead of buying new immediately, when our dryer went out, I bought one from an estate sale for the same price as repairing the old one would have cost (and since it was on it's 3rd repair - heavy eye roll on cheaply made crap - I don't feel so bad. I line dry a lot of things. Not everything but a lot." - LeftwingSH

"I put on hoodies and blankets and refuse to turn the heater on until the outside temps are about 45 degrees." - thedoc617

"How to drive in order to maximize your miles per gallon and reduce wear and tear on the car. Accelerate slowly and try to keep under 2 RPMs. Leave a wide berth between yourself and other cars. Anticipate traffic/stopping, then let off the gas and cruise. Don't ride the brakes." - OrdinarySubstance491

This article originally appeared last year

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Disability

Woman without arms shares the 3 ‘compliments’ she wished people would stop saying to her

“I could never.”

ableism, disability, inclusion, conversation, identity
Photo credit: @minjacks on TikTok

Jackie Lopez is eating soup and spouting her truth.

When she was three years old, Jackie Lopez lost her arms in an accident. Growing into adulthood without those appendages, she has learned and trained to use her legs as arms and her feet as her hands to feed herself, make meals, play video games, wrap Christmas gifts, and any other activity a person could do. Throughout her life, people have remarked about how tough her circumstances are and how strong she is, and to all of those people she has one request: Please stop.

“Because I don’t have arms, I get these comments a lot and a lot of people think it’s a compliment when it really isn’t. It’s so annoying and irritating to see and hear all the time,” Lopez explained on social media.

@minjacks

[my audio got messed up 🫩]this how I FEEL, maybe other disabled ppl don’t mind but i do. #foryou #disabilitytiktok #disabled #disabilityawareness #imjustagirl

In her video, Lopez shared the three most common comments she receives as a disabled person that aren’t outwardly or intentionally mean, but annoy and actually hurt her. She prefaced her video saying that, while these comments are mostly her pet peeve and other disabled folks may not mind them, it might be a good idea to not say these things to other disabled people either.

“I could never…”

Lopez shared how hearing people say “I could never be like you/use my feet like you/live like you/etc.” really annoyed her because she had no other option but to use her feet as her hands. Saying “I could never” can be interpreted as a form of othering, even though the intention of the comment was good.

“Oh, my problems are suddenly small.”/ “I should stop complaining about my life.”

Lopez shared that this type of comment made her feel guilty, both for herself and for those who say it to her. She explains that just because an able-bodied person’s problems are different, it doesn't invalidate them. Her having no arms doesn’t make the able-bodied person’s problems go away or mean those problems should be unaddressed.

“Girl, just complain,” said Lopez. “If I were you and I had hands, best believe I would complain, too.”

@minjacks

how i play my switch 🎀🎮✨. #foryou #latina #chapina #armlessgirl #disability #disabilitytiktok #howtotiktok #girlgamer #GamerGirl #nintendo #nintendoswitch #nintendoswitcholed #oledswitch

“God gives the hardest struggle to the strongest people.”

This comment really annoyed and hurt Lopez, especially when she was growing up in the church. Aside from the presumption of faith with a comment like this, the framing of it makes it seem like Lopez’s disability was destined or given as some form of divine “test” after going through a life-altering experience.

“Keep your belief to yourself and don’t put it on me,” she asked. “I went through this, not you.”

Other comments and thoughts

Commenters noted how impressed they were by what Lopez could do with her feet, while other commenters immediately replied to them with versions of, “This is the type of stuff she’s talking about.” In spite of that, several other commenters cosigned Lopez’s feelings with some of them sharing “kind” comments that bothered them:

“While you’re sitting commenting that you ‘couldn’t imagine’ living her life, she’s eating soup and making a TikTok like any other person.”

“I hate when people say ‘You're such an inspiration’ like in what way have I inspired you? Are you trying to become disabled?”

“‘Suddenly my problems are small’, translation ‘I’m happy that I’m not like you and I see you as your struggles.’”

“‘You’re so strong, I just would’ve died’ Like, oh, okay, so you’d rather choose death than what I went through? What should I do with that information?”

“Those are very valid points. People need to be more considerate about what they say.”

“‘I could never.’ Well yeah, it didn't happen to you, it happened to her and as we can all see she could and can. You aren't obliged to make fantasy scenarios to be horrified at.”

“I get so annoyed for you. Even in this current comment section people are saying similar-ish things.”

“Some of them come from a place of kindness, but like you said, it gets to a point where you need to stop infantilizing and pitying every single disabled person you meet by reminding them that their life and their normal is different to everyone else’s.”

Lopez's video went viral, encouraging her to make a second one with even more "compliments" or "nice" comments that she frequently hears that aren't boosting or helpful at all.

@minjacks

if u ain’t disabled stop telling me how i should feel bout these comments. #foryou #disabilitytiktok #disabled #disabilityawareness #imjustagirl

She ends her video saying that those types of comments have formed into a type of ableism—and she has a point based on anecdotes from others who are blind, paralyzed, or are otherwise differently-abled. Based on hearing these experiences, it's best for everyone to stop, slow down, and take an intentional beat to consider their words before saying them—even if they have the best intentions.

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Doctor shares a reliable 3-step method to correct someone who constantly interrupts you

Get a word in.

interruptions, conversation techniques, problem solving, psychology, behavior
Photo credit: Canva

Stop being interrupted.

There are times when you end up with that one friend who never lets you get a word in. They constantly cut you off or interrupt. You know they're not intentionally trying to hurt or annoy you, but you still wish you could bring it up in a way that won't cause friction or put them on the defensive.

Fortunately, a behavior researcher has a three-part tip that allows you to raise the issue naturally and without being harsh.

Former lawyer turned self-leadership expert Dr. Shadé Zahrai took to social media to share a simple technique for getting interrupters to slow down and let you finish your thoughts. Here are the three steps she recommends:

@shadezahrai

Someone keep cutting you off? Try this.

1. Identify their behavior

Zahrai recommends starting a one-on-one conversation with a chronic interrupter by saying, "When you interrupt me…" or something similar.

This approach lets you point out the behavior itself without judgment, passive aggression, or labels like calling it "rude" or "mean."

2. Express how their interruptions impact you

Zahrai says to follow up by acknowledging the interrupting behavior and using "I feel…" statements.

This shifts the focus to you rather than the interrupter, helping them understand that the behavior makes you feel annoyed, hurt, unheard, or however you feel when they cut you off mid-conversation. This approach is less accusatory because you're explaining how the interrupting behavior affects you, not criticizing the person themselves.


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3. Give opportunity for explanation

In the final step, Zahrai recommends offering the floor to the interrupter by asking questions like, "Can you help me understand…?"

This gives the interrupter their "day in court," allowing them to take ownership and explain why they keep interrupting you. It can help you better understand where they're coming from, give them space to recognize their behavior and adjust it, or open a dialogue to establish ground rules for future conversations. Instead of sounding accusatory with a "You need to fix your behavior"–type statement, this approach puts them in control and helps prevent conflict.

Other options

Along with Zahrai's method, there are other effective tips for handling interruptions that can be incorporated into her three-step technique or used on their own.

For example, if you plan to use Zahrai's advice, it can help to make this a separate, private conversation rather than addressing it in the moment you were interrupted. This allows you to approach the discussion calmly and ensures the interrupter doesn't feel embarrassed or shamed by others who might overhear.

If you notice someone being interrupted in a conversation, you can casually give them a second chance to finish their thought by inviting them back in. For example: "Carol, you were mentioning something about ____. Could you elaborate on that?"

After you've spoken with the interrupter about their behavior, and they're still struggling, different solutions may help depending on why they interrupt. For example, if they're afraid of losing a thought, you might suggest a simple nonverbal signal, like raising a finger or hand, so you can acknowledge them and return to their point after you finish your sentence.

Regardless of the solution you and the interrupter settle on, Zahrai's tips help ensure the conversation happens with as little friction, hurt feelings, and conflict as possible.

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