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After Kate Spade's death, let's rethink how we talk about suicide.

You're never alone.

At around 10:20 a.m. on June 5, 2018, fashion icon Kate Spade was found dead in her New York apartment.

She was 55 years old.

The Associated Press was early to report news of the legendary handbag designer's death. From the outside, she seemed to have it all: a husband/business partner, a 13-year-old daughter, and millions of dollars.

As is so often the case with suicide, however, this view from the outside didn't tell nearly the whole story.

​Kate Spade attends the Tribeca Film Festival in 2006. Photo by Evan Agostini/Getty Images for TFF.

As people paid tribute on social media, some started an important conversation about how we talk about suicide.

Let's face it: Talking about mental health and suicide is never easy. Between the stigma that surrounds it and the struggles some have to get the health care they need, it's easy to just let a lot of commonsense things go unsaid — which only increases the stigma.

On Twitter, a number of people stepped forward to break the silence around the topic.

Empathy was a common theme in many of these posts.

Others offered up a simple tip: Check in on family and friends who might feel vulnerable in the wake of this high profile news. A simple, "I just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing" can go a long way.

Another common theme was a reminder that depression isn't always easy to spot in others.

Even worse, some people feel too embarrassed to reach out when they need help, especially those who look outwardly successful. "Kate Spade was an entrepreneurial and artistic force, and all of us know that already," Anne T. Donahue wrote. "But what we don't tend to is what's going on behind the scenes."

Lots of people spoke up to remind those struggling that overcoming embarrassment in order to ask for help is really tough — and that's OK.

Journalist Ana Marie Cox shared the secrets to overcoming that: reminding yourself that you are loved and understanding when to ask for help. You're probably underestimating how many people in your life care deeply for you.

LGBTQ advocate Charlotte Clymer urged people to keep in mind how their words can affect others during times of tragedy. For example, this isn't the time or place to say things like, "Well, I didn't like her bags anyway." Resources like Reporting on Suicide are great for journalists as well as the rest of us.

Another crucial issue many are bringing up is the fact that suicide is a public health issue.

"Depression is a life threatening illness just like heart disease, cancer, or sepsis," tweeted Dr. Eugene Gu. "There should be no stigma about mental health — only treatment, awareness, and compassion."

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by these discussions, there's no shame in signing off the internet for the day. Take care of yourself. The world will still be here in the morning.

And if you find yourself in a crisis, there are many important resources worth keeping on hand, among them the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255), the Crisis Text Line (text "HOME" to 741741), and the Trevor Project (866-488-7386).

If you're in a bad place, these organizations are there to help without judgment. There's no shame in calling them up.

Finally, if you know of a friend who is considering suicide, there are some simple things you can do to help them out.

Twitter user @erinscafe shared a great list that tackles the issue. "Be the lifeline they can grab onto if they need it."

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Connections Academy
Connections Academy
Parenting

Finding hope, healing and help to support youth mental health

Connections Academy

Wylee Mitchell is a senior at Nevada Connections Academy who started a t-shirt company to raise awareness for mental health.

True

Teens of today live in a totally different world than the one their parents grew up in. Not only do young people have access to technologies that previous generations barely dreamed of, but they're also constantly bombarded with information from the news and media.

Today’s youth are also living through a pandemic that has created an extra layer of difficulty to an already challenging age—and it has taken a toll on their mental health.

According to Mental Health America, nearly 14% of youths ages 12 to 17 experienced a major depressive episode in the past year. In a September 2020 survey of high schoolers by Active Minds, nearly 75% of respondents reported an increase in stress, anxiety, sadness and isolation during the first six months of the pandemic. And in a Pearson and Connections Academy survey of US parents, 66% said their child felt anxious or depressed during the pandemic.

However, the pandemic has only exacerbated youth mental health issues that were already happening before COVID-19.

“Many people associate our current mental health crisis with the pandemic,” says Morgan Champion, the head of counseling services for Connections Academy Schools. “In fact, the youth mental health crisis was alarming and on the rise before the pandemic. Today, the alarm continues.”

Mental Health America reports that most people who take the organization’s online mental health screening test are under 18. According to the American Psychiatric Association, about 50% of cases of mental illness begin by age 14, and the tendency to develop depression and bipolar disorder nearly doubles from age 13 to age 18.

Such statistics demand attention and action, which is why experts say destigmatizing mental health and talking about it is so important.

“Today we see more people talking about mental health openly—in a way that is more akin to physical health,” says Champion. She adds that mental health support for young people is being more widely promoted, and kids and teens have greater access to resources, from their school counselors to support organizations.

Parents are encouraging this support too. More than two-thirds of American parents believe children should be introduced to wellness and mental health awareness in primary or middle school, according to a new Global Learner Survey from Pearson. Since early intervention is key to helping young people manage their mental health, these changes are positive developments.

In addition, more and more people in the public eye are sharing their personal mental health experiences as well, which can help inspire young people to open up and seek out the help they need.

“Many celebrities and influencers have come forward with their mental health stories, which can normalize the conversation, and is helpful for younger generations to understand that they are not alone,” says Champion.

That’s one reason Connections Academy is hosting a series of virtual Emotional Fitness talks with Olympic athletes who are alums of the virtual school during Mental Health Awareness Month. These talks are free, open to the public and include relatable topics such as success and failure, leadership, empowerment and authenticity. For instance, on May 18, Olympic women’s ice hockey player Lyndsey Fry will speak on finding your own style of confidence, and on May 25, Olympic figure skater Karen Chen will share advice for keeping calm under pressure.

Family support plays a huge role as well. While the pandemic has been challenging in and of itself, it has actually helped families identify mental health struggles as they’ve spent more time together.

“Parents gained greater insight into their child’s behavior and moods, how they interact with peers and teachers,” says Champion. “For many parents this was eye-opening and revealed the need to focus on mental health.”

It’s not always easy to tell if a teen is dealing with normal emotional ups and downs or if they need extra help, but there are some warning signs caregivers can watch for.

“Being attuned to your child’s mood, affect, school performance, and relationships with friends or significant others can help you gauge whether you are dealing with teenage normalcy or something bigger,” Champion says. Depending on a child’s age, parents should be looking for the following signs, which may be co-occurring:

  • Perpetual depressed mood
  • Rocky friend relationships
  • Spending a lot of time alone and refusing to participate in daily activities
  • Too much or not enough sleep
  • Not eating a regular diet
  • Intense fear or anxiety
  • Drug or alcohol use
  • Suicidal ideation (talking about being a burden or giving away possessions) or plans

“You know your child best. If you are unsure if your child is having a rough time or if there is something more serious going on, it is best to reach out to a counselor or doctor to be sure,” says Champion. “Always err on the side of caution.”

If it appears a student does need help, what next? Talking to a school counselor can be a good first step, since they are easily accessible and free to visit.

“Just getting students to talk about their struggles with a trusted adult is huge,” says Champion. “When I meet with students and/or their families, I work with them to help identify the issues they are facing. I listen and recommend next steps, such as referring families to mental health resources in their local areas.”

Just as parents would take their child to a doctor for a sprained ankle, they shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help if a child is struggling mentally or emotionally. Parents also need to realize that they may not be able to help them on their own, no matter how much love and support they have to offer.

“That is a hard concept to accept when parents can feel solely responsible for their child’s welfare and well-being,” says Champion. “The adage still stands—it takes a village to raise a child. Be sure you are surrounding yourself and your child with a great support system to help tackle life’s many challenges.”

That village can include everyone from close family to local community members to public figures. Helping young people learn to manage their mental health is a gift we can all contribute to, one that will serve them for a lifetime.

Join athletes, Connections Academy and Upworthy for candid discussions on mental health during Mental Health Awareness Month. Learn more and find resources here.

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