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6 songs that seem romantic but aren't, and one that seems like it isn't but is

Love songs are where we get our passion, our soul—and most of our worst ideas.

Black and white photo of The Beach Boys

The Beach Boys (1965)

Love songs are where we get our passion, our soul—and most of our worst ideas. Throughout human history, oceans have been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and great families have blossomed—all because of a few simple chords and a melody that inflamed a heart and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.

On the other hand, that time you told that girl you just started seeing that you would "catch a grenade" for her? You did that because of a love song. And it wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and move back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."

Man plays guitar for woman

Love songs are great, but you have to be smart about them.

Photo by Achim Voss/Flickr.

That time you held that boombox over your head outside your ex's house? You did that because of a love song (and let's be honest, a scene in a pretty popular movie). And 50 hours of community service later, you're still not back together.

Love songs are great. They make our hearts beat faster. They inspire us to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give us terrible, terrible ideas about how actual, real-life human relationships should work.

They're amazing. So amazing. And also terrible.

Here are six love songs that sound romantic but aren't, and one song that doesn't sound romantic but totally is:

1. "God Only Knows," by The Beach Boys

You can keep your "Surfin' Safari"s, your "I Get Around"s, and your "Help me Rhonda"s.

When it comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it's at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. A tie-dye swirl of sound. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard.

Black and white photo of The Beach Boys

The Beach Boys

en.m.wikipedia.org

Here's why it sounds romantic:

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you

If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Only Knows" on your phone, you should really stop and start over.

If you're lazily bumping a beach ball over a volleyball net and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your mind, you need to rethink the choices that got you to this point.

If you're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're not underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Only Knows," you are doing it wrong.

It's a song that just feels like love. Pure love. Young love. Love with a chill, kelp-y vibe.

What could be wrong with that?

Here's why it's actually really, really unromantic:

There's nothing wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-top notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair as they fall asleep while you whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.

gray asphalt road towards trees

Moody romance vibes.

Photo by Nic Y-C on Unsplash

But there is such a thing as loving someone a skosh too much.

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me?

Look, I get it. Breakups suck. There's no getting around that. But good God.

There's a huge difference between saying: "Hey babe, you are my first and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if you go." And saying: "Welp, you accepted that job in Seattle, so I'm just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and call it a life."

But that's pretty much the gist here. Which makes this line...

God only knows what I'd be without you

...horror-movie creepy. Because the answer, apparently, is: "I'd be a corpse!"

That's not love. That's codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey, threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It's a form of emotional abuse.

Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in any relationship—one that, by definition, might one day end—is putting a lot of eggs in one basket. Sure, God may only know what you'd be without her, but God probably also hopes you have, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Try kite surfing. One person cannot be anyone's be-all and end-all. It's too stressful. And it prevents you from doing you, which is a thing that's got to be done before you can do anything else.

No wonder she took that job in Seattle.

2. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars

Sure, it's little too close to sounding like a rip off of every Michael Jackson song (and possibly another song) you've ever heard. But, we don't have Michael Jackson anymore, and as tribute acts go, you could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars.

Bruno Mars playing a keyboard

Bruno Mars

Photo by Brothers Le/Flick

Here's why the song sounds romantic:

Treasure, that is what you are
Honey, you're my golden star
You know you can make my wish come true
If you let me treasure you
If you let me treasure you

Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade make-out party and you'll likely get an instant toll pass on the highway to tongue-town (ew).

Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, date night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-yet-passionate frenching.

Pass them to a cop who pulls you over for running a stop sign, and they will think you're weird — but maybe still make out with you?

In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to make out with America because of this song.

And I'm OK with that.

But, here's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as it seems:

Everything about "Treasure" is retro. Everything.

Including its attitudes about gender.

Things start to go south right from the very beginning:

Give me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby
I gotta tell you a little something about yourself

Ah yes. Nothing screams "respect" quite like a man lecturing a strange woman on the street about something she "doesn't know about herself."

What could it be? Could it be that her jokes are funny? Could it be that she's got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction book about early modern German history is extremely detailed and informative?

Illustration of an old Bible

"Thanks for teaching me all about Martin Luther's bible!"

Photo by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.

Spoiler Alert: It's none of those.

You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady
But you walk around here like you wanna be someone else

Oh. It's that she's sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.

Word of advice? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she's sexy. Even if she doesn't, it really doesn't affect her day-to-day so much that you, a complete stranger, need to shout it at her (even over a funky disco snare).

So what if she does want to be someone else? I'd love to be someone else! I think being Ryan Gosling would be quite nice. A good way to spend a three-day weekend.

And then later, of course, the narrator can't help himself:

Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, you should be smiling
A girl like you should never look so blue.

He respects her so much, he's actually straight-up telling her to smile! Much like Mars' character in "Uptown Funk," who appears to get off on angrily exhorting girls to "hit [their] hallelujah." Which, you know, I guess everybody's got a thing.

Yes, in the world of "Treasure," a healthy relationship is an unending stream of a man complimenting a strange woman and said woman being so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex."

He then proceeds to talk to his potential lover like the world's creepiest pirate:

You are my treasure, you are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you, you are
You are my treasure, you are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you, you are

By this point, in his mind, she's a literal thing. An object. Which is fitting.

I suppose it could be worse, though. At least she's not just any thing. That's...something, right?

3. "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right," by Bob Dylan

For as long as humans have been dating each other, humans have been breaking up with each other. And "Don't Think Twice" is a portrait of a relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.

Bob Dylan playing guitar

Bob Dylan

commons.wikimedia.org

Here's why it sounds romantic:

Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
Even you don't know by now
And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It'll never do somehow
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window, and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm a-traveling on
But don't think twice, it's all right.

Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation like whoa.

"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. It's the song your older sister played on continuous loop for six months after her boyfriend left for college. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her bank-teller job, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a wind chime store in Mendocino. The song your friend's cool dad always wants to play when he invited your high school band over to his apartment to jam.

Sure, it's about the end of a relationship, but it sounds romantic. And at the end of the day, shouldn't that be enough?

Here's why it's actually pretty messed up:

Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no right way to call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties can certainly benefit from a difficult, honest discussion about what went wrong.

In "Don't Think Twice," that discussion basically boils down to: "It's your fault."

Let's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Think Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:

I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul

Ugh, women, right? You're all like, "Babe, I just have so much unspecified love to give," and she's like, "Take out the trash!" And you're like, "But baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart be enough?" And she's like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I need you to do is take out the trash." And you're like, "You're bumming me out. I'm gonna go play guitar." And then she gets all mad! What did you do? Why is she trying to change you? UGH!

You could have done better, but I don't mind

Seems like you do mind since you wrote a whole song about it, no?

You just kinda wasted my precious time

Ah yes. Your time is so precious! Think about all the hours you wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human partnership when you could have been futzing around with that home-brew kit.

Counter full of supplies to make home-brew beer

The home-brew kit in question.

Photo by Bill Bradford/Flickr.

The minute you start breaking it down, the message of "Don't Think Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sister's ex-boyfriend who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in town for a while and now might be in jail. Like your aunt's wind chime store, which would have closed forever ago had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend's cool dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.

Oh yeah, and the song's narrator also point-blank refers woman he's leaving as:

A child, I'm told

So, in addition to being a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive jerk—turns out, he's also possibly a pedophile.

Even if we are to accept that this is a metaphor and she's not actually a child—which there's no indication it is, but OK, Bob Dylan—the fact that he would willingly choose an immature partner reflects way more poorly on him than it does on her.

Breaking up with anyone in such a cruel, dismissive way is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.

Which, I suppose, may be the point.

4. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver

Who has two thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?

Musician John Denver smiling

John Denver

Photo by Hughes Television Network/Wikimedia Commons.

Here's why it sounds romantic:

"Leaving on a Jet Plane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were still kind of new at the time it was written.

'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane

To a modern ear, this would be sort of like singing, "I'm a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," but in a way that's somehow still folksy and heartbreaking and singable by 9-year-olds at summer camp. Not easy to do!

Oh babe, I hate to go

You see, he hates to go! He just hates it! We know this, because he tells us he hates it. And why would he hate to go if he didn't love his partner just that much?

A jet plane in the sky

The jet plane he left on.

Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Commons.

Why indeed?

Here's why it's actually not that romantic at all:

All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world can only distract so much from the fact that the song's main character is well, kind of a jerk.

And in reality (surprise surprise!) it doesn't actually seem like he hates being away all that much:

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing

"Babe, I promise! All the movies I watched alone while you were home nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on pointless purchases. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to do! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic time. But rest assured—completely empty, in an ontological sense."

Yes, when you break it down, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to love overcoming distance and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he's "good" despite all evidence to the contrary.

And for all he claims to be broken up about having to part from his one and only, the dude seems pretty excited about the flight.

He continues:

Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you

Ah cool. He'll think about her while strumming and making "my love is delicate as the morning dew" eyes at a waif-y grad student in the front row. That pretty much makes up for it all.

Then he demands:

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me

After all the betrayal and heartbreak, after basically revealing himself to be a grade-A sleaze who can't be trusted, he still has the gall to tell her to wait for him?

And here's the kicker:

When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring

Ah yes. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.

Unlike all the previous trips, where he's cheated a billion times, drained the family bank account, and just been a general screwup and disappointment.

But yeah. This time he says he'll bring back a wedding ring.


5. "When a Man Loves a Woman," Percy Sledge

When you look up "soul" in the dictionary, the book plays you a recording of this song.

Percy Sledge singing onstage

Percy Sledge

Photo by Gene Pugh/Flickr.

Specifically, it plays you the very first line.

Here's why it sound very romantic:

When a man loves a woman

Sure, you can write the lyrics down, but it doesn't even come close to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, delicious pain-belting:

WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN

Closer...but still no.

WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!

Yes! Sing it, Percy Sledge!

It's an elemental lyric.

It's a heart-shattering lyric.

It's a lyric that demands you put your back into it.

It's perfection.

As long as you don't keep listening.

Here's why the song is actually pretty horrifying:

From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Woman," we know that, at least on occasion, a man loves a woman.

Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said woman?

He'd give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way
It ought to be.

Whoa! OK. No. Back up. A man, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a man will die of exposure and hypothermia.

Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down.

No! Jeez. No. A man can't put up with that kind of isolating behavior. A man needs friends! Once a man's whole support system erodes out from under him, a man will be bitter, ungrounded, and alone. And a man's mental health will deteriorate.

I gave you everything I have
Tryin' to hold on to your heartless love
Baby, please don't treat me bad.

This is not what happens "when a man loves a woman." It's what happens when a man loves a controlling, manipulative woman. An abusive woman. A woman who, in truth, only loves a woman. Herself.

Silhouette of man and woman against stars

A cosmic connection shouldn't bring harm, friends.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

And that's not healthy.

Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're here for you.

(Side note: Lest it go unsaid, there is way more than one way for a man to love a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and booping each other on the nose. Maybe they sleep in separate bedrooms. Maybe they dress up in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a man, I imagine it feels much the same. Or when a woman loves a woman. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)

Regardless of the depth of commitment, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there's no one-size-fits-all love solution. Every relationship is a unique snowflake. Variety is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. There's more than one way to skin a cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. It doesn't matter if it's the right metaphor, as long as it's a metaphor.

Point being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek help! You can do this! And if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, please give these people a call.

A spoonful of sugar

A spoonful of sugar.

Photo by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.

6. "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You," Heart

This song is perfect. You should always be listening to it. If you're not listening to it now, smack yourself in the face and Google it. It's just that important.

I am singing the phone book. You are weeping like a tiny baby. Photo by

The band Heart playing a show

Nancy and Ann Wilson playing at a charity concert

FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons

So much passion. So much pain. So much hair.

Here's why it sounds romantic:

Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a primal tribute to the one true romantic fantasy shared by every living being on Earth: picking up an unnervingly attractive man for one night of mind-blowing sex and then releasing him back into the wild to bone—but never quite as compellingly ever again.

They sing:

It was a rainy night when he came into sight
Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat
So I pulled up alongside and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile so we drove for a while

I don't have to go on because you know what happens next, and it's awesome.

Now, here's why this song is not romantic at all:

The relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems too good to be true. And it is. Because it's not an equally loving ,or even equally lusty, pairing at all.

It's a...

Well. You know what it is:

For a while, things are humming along just fine, like any wholesome, illicit, anonymous affair should:

I didn't ask him his name, this lonely boy in the rain
Fate, tell me it's right, is this love at first sight?

Sure, many of us might hesitate to pick up a strange leather-jacket-clad man standing on the side of the road for a no-strings-attached screw, but our narrator just has a feeling about this guy, and sometimes, you gotta go with your gut.

I can respect that.

We made magic that night
He did everything right

Great! Seems like it was a good decision.

But then, without warning, the song starts to sound less like an all-time great romance and more like a story men's rights activists tell each other as they vape around a campfire:

I told him "I am the flower, you are the seed
We walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Don't try to find me, please don't you dare
Just live in my memory, you'll always be there"

I'm not a poet. Symbolic language often eludes me. But unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly mean wildly different things in the context of human reproduction than they have since sex was first invented in the early-1970s, we're talking about a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!

A baby sticks his tongue out

HELLO!

Photo by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons

Of course, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. You might be tempted to think, "Maybe Heart meant something else by that."

To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:

Then it happened one day
We came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes

There are two possibilities here.

One: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway ad from nine years ago:

an old ad

This was unsettling.

Photo by eyedonation.org

Or two: She totally conned a dude into whipping up a baby on the sly.

I said, "Please, please understand

Ah, sure. Yeah. No worries.

I'm in love with another man

Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no way the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked not one but two lives.

And what he couldn't give me, oh, no
Was the one little thing that you can"

Wow...

The best you can say about that is that it's not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should have been responsible for his own birth control. Or, at the very least, asked more questions .

But...it's not cute and it's not romantic.

And at the end of the day, the shadiest character in this song is somehow not the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.

Which is saying something.

But there is a love song that is truly, madly, deeply perfect. An unassailable track in a sea of problematic faves.

It's a song that does everything right. A song that paints a portrait of a healthy partnership built to last.

A song that can double as a manual for the ideal human romantic relationship.

And that song is...

"Candy Shop," by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia

Here's why you might be—OK, almost definitely are — skeptical:

As catchy as "Candy Shop" is, as fun it is to dance to, and as cathartic as it can be to scream in the middle of a crowded fraternity house at 2 a.m., there's no getting around the fact that the song begins like this:

I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop

I'll post that again, in case you missed some of the nuance:

I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop

Way to take one for the team, narrator of "Candy Shop"!

At first glance, "Candy Shop" is nobody's idea of a classic love song.

The lyrics are...unusually forward. The beat is kind of basic. The hook is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in Homeland.

It doesn't get played much anymore. When it does resurface, it feels kind of dated. Like watching that DVD of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on your new Xbox 360.

It's not a song you'd put on a mixtape for your crush. It's not a song you'd play for your spouse when the kids are at home with the babysitter and you've got nine hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It's certainly not a song you'd include on the video photo montage you made for your grandparents' silver anniversary.

It's just not.

But it should be.

So here it is. Here's why "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect relationship song:

The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The singer starts filling out his fellatio permission slip. It's only been 20 seconds, and you're already getting ready to hang it up with "Candy Shop."

But then...over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a miracle occurs—in the form of a female voice joining the track, cutting through the din like a clarion call.

She sings:

I'll take you to the candy shop (yeah)
Boy, one taste of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll have you spendin' all you got (come on)
Keep going 'til you hit the spot, whoa

It's mutual! It's mutual! They're pleasuring each other!

Ring the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!

Doves in the sky

The doves have been released!

Photo by liz west/Flickr

50 Cent himself may not be the world's greatest partner—for example, according to one of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.

But the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets it:

You could have it your way, how do you want it?

Rather than simply imposing his desires on the person he's with—a la the dude in "God Only Knows ("I'm going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in you!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'm going to treat you like a chest full of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You," ("I'm going to trick you into knocking me up!")—the "Candy Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.

Which, in the world of popular music, is good for about 50,000 trillion points.

And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Back of the rental? The beach? The park?

It's whatever you're into

'Cause consent is sexy!

I ain't finished teaching you 'bout how sprung I got ya

The narrator of "Candy Shop" is certainly assertive about his desires.

But here's the key thing: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She's clearly into it. And we know this because she says so.

The lines of consent in "Candy Shop" are bright red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly sticky club floor.

A night club scene

The club I mentioned earlier

Grim23/Wikimedia Commons

Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer.

Girl what we do ...
And where we do ...
The things we do ...
Are just between me and you

No matter how nasty they freak, it will be intimate. It will be private.

If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho

Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very possibly in the case of "Candy Shop") minutes long.

She may have a high sex drive, but dude is graciously offering to accommodate her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids just might go the distance after all.

And at the end of the day, what is a relationship but two nymphos, sharing health insurance?

It's like it's a race who could get undressed quicker

Again, everybody is having a great time. And, critically, an equally great time.

I touch the right spot at the right time

Of course, it wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop hit without a spot of random braggadocio, but if we're to take him at his word, "Candy Shop" guy is at least as good at "doing everything right" as the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You"—except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.

The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Because he's not a hero or a stranger in the night or a funky, shimmering love god. He's a good partner.

"Candy Shop" is raunchy. It's dirty. It's not your grandmother's love song.

But when you strip away the swagger, the back beat, and the weird strings from "Best of Public Domain Middle Eastern Music 1993," by the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the end of the day, isn't that what a healthy relationship is all about?

Yeah.


This article originally appeared three years ago.


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@yourejustliz/TikTok

“Nice is different than kind."

It might have been pretty universally accepted during our childhood for daughters to be expected to reciprocate affection from adults, whether they liked it or not. A non consensual kiss to grandparents here, a forced “thank you” there. But times have changed.

However, this change in parenting style can sometimes make for some, well, awkward or even downright uncomfortable situations as moms and dads try to advocate for this kid’s autonomy.

Recently, a mom named Liz Kindred detailed just such an incident with her six year old daughter, which has a whole lotta other parents discussing how to navigate these unideal interactions.

As she recalls in a video posted to TikTok, Kindred was waiting in line with her daughter when a grown man turned around and said “My goodness, you sure are pretty” to the child.

“My six-year-old is gorgeous, yes, but she is also very in tune and perceptive, and she's an introvert so she grabbed my leg really tight,” Kindred said.

Doubling down, the man repeated himself, saying “You sure are pretty. Look at those blue eyes,” which only made her shy daughter grab her leg harder.

Noting that being in a 12 step program has taught her to be less “knee jerk reactionary,” the mom bit her tongue and offered a polite smile to the man, hoping that would be the end of it. It wasn’t.



“He's a boomer and, God love him, he said, ‘I guess your mom didn't teach you manners.’ And I let out an uncomfortable little [chuckle], and the pause was long. It was long. And under his breath he said, ‘Guess not,’” she said.

In what she called the most ”Jesus loving way” she could muster, while still bluntly making her point, Kindred told the man "If you assume that I didn't teach my six-year-old daughter to say ‘thank you’ to a grown, consenting man when he compliments her appearance, then you would be correct."

What followed was the “longest silence” of Kindred’s life.

The video, which has been viewed over 6 million times now, prompted a ton of parents to share how their own kids have established boundaries in similar situations—with their support, of course.

“An old man called my 4 yr old daughter a sweetheart at the store…she boldly responded ‘I am NOT YOUR sweetheart!’ I was so proud,” on person recalled.

Another added, “My 3 year old says ‘NO THANK YOU MY BODY DOESN’T LIKE TAHT.’”

Still another said “My 2 yo knows the boundaries song and just starts singing that anytime someone talks to her.”

While the response to Kindred’s video was overwhelmingly positive, there were a few comments defending the man as simply being “kind.” This prompted Kindred to do a follow-up video doubling down on her decision.

In the clip, she shared how she herself has dealt with seemingly innocent compliments in her life from men, which later turned into something else. Feeling like she “didn’t have a voice” to say something, “because I’m a nice Christian, Southern girl,” Kindred ended up being in unsavory situations (she didn't explicitly say what those situations were, but it's easy enough to piece together). She doesn’t want her daughter to have the same issues.


“Nice is different than kind. The kind thing to do is to teach our daughters and our children in this next generation that when you are uncomfortable with something you listen to your body and you set a firm boundary with that and you provide language around that. And you start that really really young.”

Yep. Well said.


This article originally appeared last year.

British woman's stroke leaves her with an Italian accent

There's something universal about getting a kick out of speaking in foreign accents that differ from your own. Whether it's American friends putting on a fake British accent to talk about tea or an Australian speaking in a southern U.S. accent to order barbecue, it's all in good fun. But what is you woke up one day speaking in an accent that wasn't your own outside of your control?

This very thing happened to a British woman after suffering a stroke. It was just another day for Althia Bryden, she and her husband, Winston had settled in for the evening, propped up in bed to catch some television before going off to sleep. But things took a dramatic turn when her husband left the room for a few minutes only to return to Althia slumped over looking strangely.

Winston immediately knew that something wasn't right so he rushed her to the hospital where he found out that she had a stroke. The condition required her to have surgery to clear the blockage to her brain but when she awakened, she no longer recognized the voice coming from her mouth. This wasn't because her speech was slurred due to the stroke, it's because she was speaking in a completely different accent.

Comforting Hand In Hand GIF by Law & OrderGiphy

Of course, Althia was thrilled to be speaking at all since she was unable to do so for a period of time after her stroke but it wasn't her accent. The woman who normally spoke with a familiar British accent was suddenly speaking with an Italian accent, except she's never spoken Italian. In fact, she's never even been to the boot shaped country on vacation, yet somehow she picked up the perfect Italian accent while under anesthesia.

Althia and her husband recently appeared on "This Morning," a morning news show in England, to tell the story of Althia's bizarre stroke side effect.

"i just remember to wake up into a ward but I didn't know why I was there, you know? Winston's telling me, my family's telling me I have a stroke. I wasn't sure where I was at the time and I didn't realize I had been taken from my house, from my bed, none of this. You know, a big surprise," Althia says in a thick Italian accent.

Organized Crime Nbc GIF by Law & OrderGiphy

The woman admits to the talk show hosts that it was a scary experience not being able to talk at first. The only thing she can do upon waking from her stroke was to point at things as a means of communication. She explains that she could hear and understand everything going on around her but she was unable to speak until after the surgery where they removed a carotid web. This is a rare thin membrane that can extend within the carotid artery blocking blood flow.

"The next day, you know, they moved me to a ward. The nurse comes to wake me to do blood pressure again, you know cause they're worried about it. So I hear this voice, I've not hear my voice for a long time, you know. I'm like this," Althia reenacts looking around the room. "I didn't realize it was me. I looked behind me in my hospital bed, who is speaking to me, you know. Who is this?"

Althia is one of only 200 or so people around the world who have Foreign Accent Syndrome. This rare condition can develop after damage to the area of your brain that controls speech, can develop without cause or occurring after a seizure or migraine according to the Cleveland Clinic. While the people who have the condition may sound as if they have a different accent, they don't actually have a "foreign" accent. That part of their brain has them forming words

"FAS involves sound changes that aren’t consistent with an accent. For example, accents that replace the “r” in “car” with an “ah” sound still say the “r” in words like “carriage.” Someone with FAS (especially the structural type) will likely still not make that “r” sound. That means their speech won’t exactly match with the accent it’s similar to," Cleveland Clinic explains.

There doesn't seem to be a cure for the condition, though speech therapy may help but there's no guarantee that it will take away the accent completely. It is mainly used to help people with FAS communicate more clearly. Thankfully for Althia, it seems that while her accent may still feel like a bit of a shock, she can communicate clearly with those around her. But for a woman born in London, her Italian accent sure will make for an interesting conversation at parties.

Images of Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweger via Wikicommons

Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweger



love actually GIFGiphy

  1. Hugh Grant does not hold back when it comes to his opinions on anything. But in one unfortunate interview he did for Elle Magazine back in 2009, he dished on most of his female co-stars, and it wasn't pretty. He described Emma Thompson as "clever, funny, mad as a chair." Of Sandra Bullock, he said, "a genius, a German, too many dogs." He later commented that Julia Roberts' mouth was so big, he "was aware of a faint echo" when they kissed onscreen. And while Julianne Moore, Rachel Weisz, and Drew Barrymore were all described as clever, stunning, or beautiful, the consensus was that they all "loathed him."

But it was his Bridget Jones's Diary co-star Renée Zellweger with whom he seemed to have the softest spot. Even when revisiting the matter on The Graham Norton Show in 2016, Hugh agreed with his original assessment that she's "delightful. Also far from sane. Very good kisser."

When pressed, Hugh jokingly said, "She is genuinely lovely, but her emails are 48 pages long. Can't understand a word of them."

Now, nine years later, Renée is returning to her Bridget Jones character, and the two reunite for a piece called "Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy" for British VogueBritish Vogue. After Hugh writes an intro to the piece, where he reveals he used to have tons of questions between on-set shots for Renée—questions like "If you had to marry one of today's extras, who would it be?" and "Who is a better kisser, me or Colin Firth?" He now has a whole new slew of questions. Here are a few key things we find out:


Sad Renee Zellweger GIF by Working TitleGiphy

What did Hugh always think of Renée?

He says candidly (of course), "With a lot of other actors, you think they're really great, and then suddenly you see a little glint of steely, scary ambition, and you realize this person would trample their grandmother to get what they want in this business. But I've never seen that glint coming off you. So either it's very well disguised, or you are quite nice."

What does Renée really think of Hugh?

You're hilariously brilliant at everything you hate. And, though you hate humans, you're a very good and loyal friend. I like you very much. And I love working with you."

Love Actually Dancing GIF by PeacockTVGiphy


What did Hugh really think of her English accent?

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After discussing Renée's dialect coach, Hugh tells her that her attempt at an English accent is…"perfect."

Why does the Bridget Jones franchise remain so appealing?


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Hugh says, "In a nutshell, I say it's an antidote to Instagram. Instagram is telling people, especially women, 'Your life's not good enough.' It's not as good as this woman's or that woman's, making you insecure. Whereas what Helen (the writer) did with Bridget is celebrate failures, while making it funny and joyful."

Renée makes some jokes and then says, "I think maybe folks recognize themselves in her and relate to her feelings of self-doubt. Bridget is authentically herself and doesn't always get it right, but whatever her imperfections, she remains joyful and optimistic, carries on, and triumphs in her own way."

What does Hugh think of Renée's fashion?


Drunk Bridget Jones GIF by Working TitleGiphy

After asking if people in general should be a "bit more stylish," Hugh tells Renée she's "very chic." Renée pushes back with, "I'm wearing a tracksuit." To which Hugh retorts, "Yeah, but a sort of PRICEY one."

And finally, those emails:

"You have sent me the longest emails I've ever received. I can't understand a single word of them. They're written in some curious language that I can't really understand."

"No!" Renée exclaims. "If you reference something in your emails that makes me laugh…I will circle back to that. And if you've forgotten that you wrote it, I don't think I should be held accountable for that!"

The laughably worst haircuts that have perfectly defined 6 different generations

History is great. But sometimes hairstyles tell us everything.

Each generation has a top and bottom cut. Let's see 'em.

When actress Sash Striga (@sashstriga on TikTok) went in for a "cool girl chic" tweak to a haircut she had gotten five days earlier, things did not go as planned. "Very flirty, very flowy," she told the stylist as they discussed making her already short hair a bit "shorter in the back" and "less wide on the sides."

"I can do that," he confidently answered. But after a long while of snipping (and then clipping!), Sash took to TikTok to describe the moment she saw him turn ghostly pale, possibly realizing he'd made a few mistakes.

In her video, she recounts the story while wearing a grey beanie. When she finally removes it, she reveals what can only be described as a Manic Pixie Dream Girl Manic Pixie Dream Girl gone horribly wrong. But her pure joy in the awfulness of it all is delightful to watch, and a good reminder that it will always grow back.

@sashstriga

I’m more mad at myself than anything tbh 🫠 #badhairday #badhaircut #toronto #torontolife #fyp #hairstyle #hair #badhaircutcheck

While all of these unfortunate trends have or will be recycled through different generations, take a look at what might arguably be the worst hair trends since the '40s!


The Silent Generation: The Bouffant

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If you were born in the later part of this generation (say, 1943), you'd be just the right age to wear this wacky hairdo to a high school dance. There couldn’t possibly be enough hairspray or teasing combs for this up-do to reach the heavens. And yet, that never stopped anyone from trying.


Baby Boomers: The Shag

woman with shag haircutGIF by SliceGiphy

A Baby Boomer born smack-dab in the middle of their generation might have started caring about their hairstyle around 1970. This was the BEST time for hair and the Shag had it all: the bouncy middle part, the sexy curtain bangs—everything. Even the edgier cuts like The Shag were kinda hot. But even hot haircuts can turn cold with the wrong scissors.


Gen X: The Mullet

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This "business in the front, party in the back" hairstyle is nothing new. In fact, it has been stated by historian Suetonius that "the Roman emperor Tiberius 'wore his hair rather long at the back, so much so as even to cover the nape of his neck,' and that this was a tradition of his family, the Claudians."

Technically, Boomers also bear responsibility for the mullet, but it was the Xers who really made it sing.

The '80s had so many outrageous hair choices that this category gets two entries:


Also Gen X: The Rattail

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Something strange emerged in the '80s. Well, a lot of strange things came about, but somewhere, some hairdresser woke up and said, "Yes, we will leave a piece of hair hanging, and sometimes, we might even braid it."


Millennials: The Bowl Cut

man shaking out his bowl cutHappy Haircut GIF by Australian Ninja WarriorGiphy

We saw the odd The Three Stooges"Moe" cut on Sash, who is technically a young millennial, just missing the cusp of a Gen Z-er by two years. At least it was a nice update to the traditionally awful "bowl cut." But it was the millennials who brought this unfortunate look back in the early '90s.


Gen Z: The Broccoli Cut (aka the Zoomer Perm)

The Broccoli Cut is..,something Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Imagine thinking this is a good idea: "We'll cut the sides real short, and leave it long on top. Sure, that works. But wait! Then we'll PERM the top and let it just sit there." For some reason, in the UK, this was renamed the "Meet me at McDonald's haircut," and it's so disturbing that some schools have even banned it. Many Zoomers disagree, though, and it's still quite a popular look on TikTok.

File:Nate Bargatze.jpg - Wikimedia Commons

Never heard of Xennials before? You're not alone! It just so happens, the term Xennial first appeared in an article for GOOD Magazine by writers Sarah Stankorb (who coined the term) and Jed Oelbaum. It was described as "a micro-generation that serves as a bridge between the disaffection of Gen X and the blithe optimism of Millennials." Other unique terms have come to describe this group (roughly figured to have been born between 1977-1983.)

These include The Star Wars Generation, The Oregon Trail Generation, and Generation Catalano, (the latter suggested by Slate writer Doree Shafrir in reference to Jordan Catalano on the hit 90s TV show My So-Called Life.) In @sourcomedy's clip making the rounds on Tiktok, Nate gives us the reasons Xennials are truly awesome. Here are a few hilarious takeaways from Nate's bit on the topic:

Growing up as a young kid felt safe.

boy holding on swing bench Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash


"When I was a kid, it felt like the 50s. You'd go outside and your parents just didn't know where you were. We went to school to school and played Oregon Trail on a computer at school! No one had a computer at home - it's like what are you a Zillionaire?"

They still had privacy.


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While Nate shares he got AOL, a home computer, a beeper and a cell phone in high school, he didn't have social media until he was 26 with Myspace.

"Whatever I did in high school is a rumor. It can't ruin my life!"

You are equally impressed and disappointed by other generations.


@sourcomedy

The Lucky Ones #natebargatze #natebargatzecomedy

On a hotel stay, the Chromecast on his TV stopped working so he called the front desk. "The oldest voice I ever heard answers the phone. This guy was a Civil War survivor. I mean, he was the age where you just go 'Thank you for your service.' So I tell him my Chromecast is not working and I could have just made up a word. I mean, he's never heard of that. I could have said 'My beep bop broke.' He goes, 'Look, I don't know what this is. But there's a younger guy, I'm gonna send him up, he'll be able to help you."

A guy shows up, Nate muses, and he's "his dad's age." Nate immediately determines that if he can't fix it, this guy can't either. "But he's the generation that still wants to give it a try. So he comes into my room, sits on my bed, just a little too far back, I thought."

He then says the guy grabbed the remote and just started pressing everything. Nate suggests, "I'm gonna turn the shower on, open a window, let's try everything!"

The "pressing all the buttons" tactic shockingly doesn't work. Nate shares that the guy finally says, "Alright, there's a younger guy. He's about to come to work. And at this point, I'm like 'I'm the younger guy, man. It's alright dude, I don't need it.' And he goes, 'No, no, no, it's a Millennial." And I was like 'Alright, now we're getting somewhere. This is what the Millennial does. He was born with technology, he's gonna know how to fix this!"

So the guy says the Millennial will arrive to work in an hour. And Nate tells us, "Let me tell you. You know how quick that Millennial fixed it? Well, I'll never know because he just didn't come to work that night."

And guess who relayed this message. "I found out because the old guy called me. He was supposed to fill in for him. He was furious, dude. He hates that Millennial. He goes 'He never comes to work. He doesn't take it serious. He's got a peanut allergy.'"

In the end, it took a Xennial to figure it out. "I ended up fixing it myself, because it was just unplugged. So that's yeah…that's my fault."