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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women

We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.

women at work, comedy, leadership
With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Men and the feels.


Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.

In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.

One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.

Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?

IS IT?

Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.

women\u2019s communication, women in business, men

Encourage.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.

Sarah Cooper comedy, women, success

Sharing ideas.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."

emails, comedy, gen

Email requests.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.

office politics, men, relationships

Idea sharing.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.

sexism, sexist comments, sexual harassment

Sexism.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.

threats, non-threatening, mansplain

Mansplain.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.

leadership, work mistakes, hurt feelings

Mistakes.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.

promotions, management, coworkers

Promotions.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.

rude behavior, ignored, self esteem

Rude.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.

interruptions, resilience,expression

Interruptions.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.

typing, off-putting, work skills

Collaboration.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.

disagreements, solution, problem solving

Disagreements.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!

strategies, power dynamics, team player

In conclusion...

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.

About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.

humor, satire, executives

The comedic book cover.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.


This article was originally published on 3.25.19

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Joy

A stray dog saves her dying puppy’s life by bringing her to the veterinarian in Istanbul

A dog's motherly instinct and trust in humans saved a puppy's life

@beylikduzu_alfa_veteriner

A stray dog brought her lifeless puppy to the doorstep of a local veterinarian clinic, saving its life.

In the Beylikdüzü district in Istanbul, security camera footage showed a stray dog holding a puppy in its mouth and bringing it to the doorstep of a local veterinary clinic. The veterinarian that answered the door found the puppy lifeless and took it in while the pup’s mother followed.

The puppy received emergency treatment, as it was dying from a slow heartbeat due to the cold outside. Throughout the treatment, the mother dog stayed at her puppy’s side. Thanks to quick action and care, the puppy survived and is being cared for at the clinic alongside its mother. This puppy turned out to be related to another puppy that was brought in by other animal lovers beforehand, with the belief that it was the sole survivor of its litter.

"We thought all of them had died. It turns out there was one sibling that survived,” said veterinarian and clinic owner, Baturalp Oğhan in an interview. “When our technician noticed the situation, he brought it inside. We realized the puppy's heart was beating. We placed it in intensive care. It is currently continuing treatment with its sibling."


A veterinarian treating a puppy on a table in a clinic as a mother dog watches nearbyThe puppy's mother stayed with her child as the veterinarian administered treatment.@beylikduzu_alfa_veteriner


While it is unfortunate that the rest of the litter had passed, this mother dog’s actions not only saved one of her pups but had reunited her with another one.

According to World Population Review, there is a pet dog in 30% of all households globally. There are 90 million pet dogs housed in the United States alone. Bear in mind, that is counting the dogs that are housed and cared for by humans. Just imagine how many dogs are still out there like that mother dog, along with the number of dogs that sadly didn’t make it like that lucky puppy.

Two puppies eating out of a bowlThe puppy is recovering nicely alongside its sibling.@beylikduzu_alfa_veteriner


While it is remarkable that this mother dog, out of memory, instinct, desperation, or a combination of those traits took her puppy to the clinic, the onus cannot be on dogs themselves to receive the help and care they need. Fortunately, there are several animal shelters and clinics that can help care for these animals, but they still need to find ways to get there. Not all of them have smart dog mothers that can get them to a helpful human vet.

Puppy sleeping against a mother dogThe puppy lives thanks to its mother's quick action and trust in local veterinarians.@beylikduzu_alfa_veteriner

If you wish to help out a stray animal, such as a dog or cat, there are some steps you can take to be prepared if the situation presents itself. The Humane Society has a bunch of quality tips, such as keeping your car with supplies like fresh water, bowls, pet food, heavy blankets,and such to keep the animal comfortable while waiting for animal control to arrive at the scene or if you choose to transport them yourself to a nearby shelter. Before you stock up, you should research to see if there are any state or local laws regarding housing lost or stray animals to make sure you’re following the legal methods.

We share a lot of space with “man’s best friend” and the least we can do is be a best friend back to them, especially when they’re in need.

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Internet

How social media algorithms are changing the way we talk and our basic understanding of words

"Thanks for coming to my TedTalk."

Photo credit: Canva

How social media is changing the way we speak

Rizz, skibidi, Ohio, pilled. These are all words that didn't exist just a few years ago...well, Ohio did but when people use it now, it has a different meaning. If you look back on the last several decades you'll come across a plethora of words that were once not in use or meant something completely different than the way they're used now.

The concept of slang is not new, it probably dates back centuries but the rate in which we absorb, use and discard slang has reached an unimaginable pace. But just like slang words or phrases of yesteryear, some of the words are not discarded, instead, they have longevity crossing generational thresholds. This is all thanks to social media and the way the algorithms on these platforms work.

Etymologist and content creator, Adam Aleksic has been watching with fascination on the impact social media's algorithm has had on the way we all talk. In a recent TedTalk, the content creator shares the evolution of the made up word "unalived." The word started as a way to get around the censors on the social media platform TikTok, according to Aleksic.

Confused Social Media GIF by South ParkGiphy

The platform takes down or suppresses the reach of videos that say words like "die," "suicide," or "kill" along with all other traditional words that convey the same meaning. In order to get around this censorship, people started saying "unalive" as a placeholder to get around the algorithm. This new word then got pushed into the TikTok ether causing it to catch on quickly with others trying to skirt account strikes.

"If you spend enough time around 7th and 8th graders, you will hear them using the word [unalived]. It'll mostly be in informal situations but could show up in context, like a student's essay on 'Hamlet's contemplation of unaliving himself.' Or a classroom discussion on the unaliving that happens in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. And these aren't hypothetical situations, these are actual examples drawn from the thousand plus middle school teachers I've surveyed about this word," Aleksic says.

Skibidi Skippity GIF by RedditGiphy

The etymologist shares that the middle schoolers seem to use the word when they're uncomfortable talking about death, though that's not where the term originated. Aleksic breaks down the fact that humans have always been uncomfortable around the topic of death saying using the word "deceased" is just one of the many ways people soften the language.

But it's not just words like unalived used to get around censoring, it's words like "rizz" and "gyatt" that are making it into the lexicon of social media users all due to the algorithm. TikTok, especially rewards repetition of whatever is trending.

Dirty Dozen Playa GIF by shadyverseGiphy

"The algorithm is the culprit but influencers are the accomplices. We use whatever tricks we can to keep you entertained because that makes our videos do better, which helps us earn a living. This means that we often end up creating and spreading words that help the system," the etymologist says.

The terms "-core" and "-pilled" are also part of this change in language but they have different words tacked in front of them like, "goth core." These are more for describing subcultures of people with a similar aesthetic or thinking. While some terms are used ironically or in a joking manner to poke fun at the concerning subculture known as incels, Aleksic says that the language is more accessible because of social media.


"It starts in some corner of social media, becomes a viral meme, and along the way the etymology is lost to a lot of people," Aleksic reveals. He further explains that the majority of the "internet slag" originates from Black and gay communities only for the meaning to get lost as people take the words outside of the communities.

"When a word like "gyat" goes from an African American English pronunciation of goddamn, to being used as a noun for "butt" in memes like the Rizzler Song, it's ultimately exaggerated in a way that makes a farce of its pronunciation and meaning. Its original importance is diluted as it becomes widespread and you can be sure that none of the middle schoolers saying "gyat" are aware of it's etymology," he adds.

These words are becoming part of the younger generation's everyday vocabulary while the true meaning of the words being used are lost. This language changing phenomenon is all thanks to the breakneck speed of how quickly things spread on social media.

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Education

Teacher of the year explains why he's leaving district in unforgettable 3-minute speech

"I'm leaving in hopes that I can regain the ability to do the job that I love."

Lee Allen

For all of our disagreements in modern American life, there are at least a few things most of us can agree on. One of those is the need for reform in public education. We don't all agree on the solutions but many of the challenges are undeniable: retaining great teachers, reducing classroom size and updating the focus of student curriculums to reflect the ever-changing needs of a globalized workforce.

And while parents, politicians and activists debate those remedies, one voice is all-too-often ignored: that of teachers themselves. This is why a short video testimony from a teacher in the Atlanta suburb of Gwinnett County went viral. After all, it's hard to deny the points made by someone who was just named teacher of the year and used the occasion to announce why he will be leaving the very school district that just honored him with that distinction.

In a video carried by Fox5 Atlanta, 2022 Gwinnett County Public Schools Teacher of the Year Lee Allen breaks down what he sees as the overriding problems in the county's school system. While his comments are specific to that of Gwinnett County, it's virtually impossible to not see the overlap across all of America and how the problems have become exponentially more challenging as students have migrated back to in-person learning.

"At the end of this year, I will be leaving Gwinnett County Schools, leaving behind the opportunity to submit for state teacher of the year, roughly $10,000 in salary, and most importantly, the students and colleagues I've built strong relationships with," Allen, a math teacher at Lawrenceville's Archer High School, says at the beginning of his remarks. "I'm leaving in hopes that I can regain the ability to do the job that I love."

Normally, one might assume teacher pay is the overriding issue for educators like Allen. But he makes it clear that he is, in fact, leaving money on the table to avoid what he deems as unacceptable changes to the student body and how the district manages its teachers and the learning environment. Here are his main grievances, in order:

  • "First issue at hand is student apathy and disrespect for school rules and norms. … We have an alarming number of students that simply do not care about learning and refuse to even try."
  • "We are also experiencing incredible disrespect and refusal to follow basic school rules. There is little to no accountability or expectation for grades or behavior placed on students or parents. Rather than being asked what the student can do to improve their understanding, teachers are expected to somehow do more with less student effort."
  • Cell phone use. Teachers simply cannot compete with the billions of dollars tech companies pour into addicting people to their devices. Phones allow constant communication, often being the spark that fuels fights, drug use and other inappropriate meetups throughout the day. We need a comprehensive district plan with support behind it in order to combat this epidemic and protect the learning environment."
  • "Lastly, there is a huge disconnect between administrators and teachers. The classroom in 2022 is drastically different from just three years ago. Most administrators have not been in a classroom full-time in years or even decades. Many teachers do not feel understood, valued or trusted as professionals from administrators and the decisions that they make."

While Allen points fingers at administrators and student behavior, he also says that the pressures put on both students and teachers alike by COVID-19 had a catastrophic impact on learning. "The pandemic has acted as a catalyst and turned a slow negative trend into an exponential crisis," he says.

But he also offers some solutions, stating, "I won't list complaints without offering ideas for improvement."

  • All administrators should spend at least one week in a high needs classroom, "without a suit, without people knowing your title and in the same room, all day, for an entire week."
  • Prioritizing smaller class sizes.
  • Greater transparency from the district in terms of needs and expectations and goals.

"We all want the same thing and we cannot accomplish this without supporting one another," he says near the end of his remarks.

With more than 400,000 views already, it's clear his remarks resonated with people not just inside his school district.

There's almost nothing more important than how we educate our children. And while the national political debate centers on areas of far less importance generated to gin up controversy and campaign fundraising, it's families and local leaders who will need to do the heavy lifting of reprioritizing the fundamental principles of learning and leadership if we want an American educational system that can compete on the global stage in 2022 and beyond. After all, when literal award-winning educators like Allen are walking away, it's clear something more needs to be done.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Health

Time speeding up as you age? A neuroscientist shares an easy tip to slow things down.

It's true, time goes faster as you age.

via Canva/Photos

A woman at 3 different ages.

When you’re a kid, the summers seem to last forever. As you get older, you’re amazed that “it’s summer already,” and soon enough, you can’t believe “it’s the fall again.” It’s a cruel trick of life, is that as you slow down, time speeds up. Why does time seem to move faster as we get older?

Our perception of time is fluid, either contracting or expanding. For most people, it contracts as we age because we imprint fewer experiences in our memories. We’ve seen a lot, and it is hard to be surprised. “Time is this rubbery thing,” says neuroscientist David Eagleman. “It stretches out when you really turn your brain resources on, and when you say, ‘Oh, I got this, everything is as expected,’ it shrinks up.”

David Eagleman is an American neuroscientist, author, and science communicator who teaches neuroscience at Stanford University.



How to slow the passage of time

“This is why you lay down fewer memories as you age: You’ve seen that situation before, you’ve met that personality before, you’ve done that job before. The memories you lay down are much thinner. They’re more impoverished,” Eagleman says, according to Inc.

“In contrast, when you’re in your childhood, everything is new, and so the richness of your memories gives you the impression of increased duration … but when you’re looking back at the end of an adult summer, it seems to have disappeared rapidly because you haven’t written much down in your memory,” Eagleman continues.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


While it may seem tragic that life becomes less memorable as we age, that wisdom also comes with a challenge. If we, as Eagleman puts it, “seek novelty,” then we will create more memories in the brain, and time will slow down.

Remember when you were a kid? Life was a series of firsts, whether you swam in a pool, rode a bike, slept at your friend's house, hit a home run, or kissed someone. The key is to continue to pursue more firsts as we age. That could mean hearing a new type of music, traveling to a new place, trying food you’ve never tasted, or considering a new philosophy or way of seeing life.

This is also a great way to avoid becoming stuck in your ways as an adult.



Eagleman says you can slow down time by shaking up your neural circuitry and making new memories through simple changes to your life, such as wearing your watch on a different hand, taking a new route home from work, or rearranging your office space. “Makes sure that you stretch your mental landscape by making sure that you are learning something new,” he says.

As Bob Dylan once wrote, “He not busy being born, is busy dying,” and although it’s natural for time to speed up as we age, if things are moving too quickly, it means that it’s time to stop and be mindful of your routines to keep things fresh. It could be a warning that life has become too routine, and there’s not enough novelty for your brain to notice. So, when that happens, it’s time to get busy being born or enjoying life like you did as a child by seeking out new experiences and making new memories.

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Dad shocked he got his son to use 'please' and 'thank you' with a made-up cat story

"It can’t be this easy right?"

Photo credit: Canva

Maybe not every aspect of parenting has to be hard?

Teaching kids manners can be a bit of an elusive art form. Parents new and old have tried every strategy under the sun—from directly modeling the desired behavior to trying to make things more enticing by calling niceties “magic words”—all with varying success rates.

One dad was floored to learn that when it came to teaching his four-year-old to use “please” and “thank you,” all he had to do was come up with a story. As he shared online, he came up with a dramatic 10 minute saga about a cat that “only got snacks when it asked with a please, and only made friends to play with when it said thanks,” all on the spot.

And lo and behold, his son was using those coveted words nonstop, without being prompted, leading the dad to wonder “It can’t be this easy right?”

media1.giphy.com

The dad’s story got a plethora of comments. One parent who had a similar epiphany wrote, “that’s awesome. Reminds of potty training my 3 year old: he wasn’t really doing it, but once we talked to him about how it would make the trees happy if he went in the potty (ie no more diapers in the landfill), he immediately just got it and pretty much never wore a diaper again. I guess when it clicks, it clicks.”

Similarly another parent shared, “My son at 2 would refuse to put on socks. 'If you don't put on socks, the foot monster's going to get you!' + Playful om nom noms towards his feet worked. Now he loves pointing out when I'm not wearing any too! A year on and it still generally works.”

A few folks highlighted how kids have a special relationship to storytelling, especially since it activates their imagination and generally makes them more open to learning—all of which make it a very effective teaching tool.

One person, who happens to be a nanny, wrote. “making up songs and stories is a really good way to teach morals and change behavior. I had a young child who always jumped out of the car and never looked before running into the street. I made up a song about it and sang it when we were in the car, and his behavior improved! Remember the TV shows we watched as kids that had all the songs about morals? Or that in order to learn the ABCs we sing them? It works!’

Of course, you don’t have to just look through the archives. Shows like Blue and Sesame Street continue to teach kids lessons this way!

And long before television even existed, parents were using stories to impart wisdom. As one commenter shared, “In the book Hunt, Gather, Parent the author said is a technique used by lots of indigenous cultures to keep their children safe and away from dangerous places and pass on cultural values.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In a funny reply, someone else added “Now that I think about it the trope of ‘there's a troll living underneath that bridge’ was probably just a frustrated parent's way of trying to keep their kid out of the fucking river. And since a child's imagination is much more active than their cognitive reasoning, ‘scary monster’ works a lot better than ‘scary water.’”

Of course, there were also a few caveats that a few commenters laid down, primarily centered around not instilling an expectation of getting what you want after saying “please.” This is why many parents have nixed using the”magic word” method, since the point isn’t getting what you want, but expressing kindness towards others.

And it probably goes without saying that dad’s strategy might not work as well when his son’s a teenager, but let’s take the wins where we get them.

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